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R2 sat in the private room, buzzing in irritation. Was this droid *ever* going to get down to business?
"So here I am, abandoned as usual," the droid moaned. "Forced to purchase companionship for the long, dreary night."
Maker! He hoped the droid hadn't purchased the whole night. He re-checked the credit balance--sure enough, ten credits, just enough for a mark. "Stick it up your socket," he beeped. The droid didn't understand Mech, only Standard, so R2 was indulging himself with insults.
"A brain the size of a planet and where does it get me? Nowhere." The droid sat dejectedly on the bench.
Great circuit above. At least C3PO shut up long enough to have sex. This droid's mark was half-consumed by his whinging.
His poor sweet C3PO. The commanders didn't understand their relationship and insisted on assigning them separately. He hadn't gotten any word of the mission 3PO was on before he'd been sent off himself.
His current mission had stranded him on Beta Noorn, resourceless, with an entire division of Empire soldiers hunting him. He was hiding in the droid brothel until the heat blew over.
"Right in the middle of a war, no less," the droid groaned. "I just don't know what I'm going to do."
Well, R2 had had about enough of this, and he knew exactly what to do. He extended his port connector and hunted for the droid's root intake socket. There had to be something he was compatible with.
"Oh...you want my socket. That's all *anyone* ever wants these days, ports and sockets, connectors and conduits, it's all so tawdry."
R2 buzzed. "It's what you paid me for, you great weeping wanker, so open up the port and let me do my job!" He made a half turn and exposed his own port, offering the droid a choice.
"Well, I suppose we should get to it...isn't that the way of the world, all work, no leisure, no time to wait around and smell the bathing oil." The droid opened its arm panel and extended a connector. R2 examined the connector and switched to another more compatible port. They linked up.
R2 pumped current through the connector, trying to get the miserable droid off as quickly as possible. The droid grumbled wordlessly, but his eyes flashed in pleasure.
R2 changed voltage and the droid went off like a rocket. Success. R2 disengaged and signaled the door to unlock.
"What, is that all?" The droid sounded petulant.
"That's all, bolt brain. Take your complaining and get out of my crib."
The droid stood up slowly, exaggerating creaks and stiff joints. "Naturally you don't speak Standard. Isn't that just my luck. I shall have to go sing miserable songs to myself for companionship." The droid limped from the room.
R2 settled back on his tracks and whistled. He would have to check on his pursuit in the morning; he wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. It wasn't particularly degrading but it was getting on this old droid's last nerve. At least it was profitable.
He waited for the next customer. The night was still young.
end.