Chapter Text
It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Clarke couldn’t stand Bellamy Blake when they first met. He was arrogant, conceited, and seemed to be purposefully undermining everything she was trying to build. But then she saw him with Atom. The boy was covered in radiation burns, begging Bellamy to kill him. She saw Bellamy draw his knife, and she saw the helpless look on his face.
She knelt next to the dying boy and, promising to help him, began to stroke his hair and hum in what she hoped was a comforting way. After a moment, she eased the knife out of Bellamy’s hand and pushed it carefully into Atom’s neck, humming until she knew he was dead. She could feel Bellamy’s gaze on her the whole time. When she finally looked up and met his gaze, she could see the gratitude in his eyes.
‘Maybe he’s not as unfeeling as he wants us to think’ she thought.
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
“You may be a total ass half the time, but I need you.” Clarke is surprised to hear the words come out of her mouth, but she knows they’re true. She does need him. He drives her up the wall with his attitude, but she can’t imagine keeping the 100 alive without him anymore.
And then that word grew louder and louder
‘Till it was a battle cry
“What we need is an inside man. Someone to be our eyes and ears.” Bellamy seems determined, but Clarke shoots him down immediately. “Forget it,” she tells him without looking at him, “It’s too dangerous.”
“Clarke, if you can make it out, I can make it in.”
“I said no.” She’s having a hard time keeping the tremor out of her voice, but Bellamy doesn’t seem to notice.
“Since I don’t take orders from you, I’m going to need a better reason.” He’s still pressing her, and Finn’s voice flashes through her mind. Thanks Princess.
“I can’t lose you too, ok?” She meets Bellamy’s eyes this time, seeing the surprise there. He opens his mouth as if to make a retort, but thinks better of it and looks away.
Then Lexa gets into her head and convinces her that love is weakness. She has to be strong for her people, and she knows that Bellamy was right. A spy inside Mount Weather would be invaluable. So she tells him to go, and that his life was worth the risk. She almost believes it.
I’ll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye
The battle at Mount Weather was over. Their people were back. They were safe. But all Clarke could think about was what she did. It used to just be Finn who haunted her. Now it was the hundreds who she killed in the mountain. Both times, she killed to save her people. But Finn’s death was quick, and justified in his mind at least. Death by radiation was slower, filling the air with the screams of the people who didn’t know what they had done.
By the time they reached camp, she had made up her mind. She miraculously kept her composure as she told Bellamy goodbye. He tried to make her stay at first, offering her the same forgiveness she had once offered him. But then he understood. As Clarke walked away, she felt some of the weight lift from her chest.
May we meet again.