Chapter Text
Rai considered himself a very peaceful person.
He has a stable career as a writer with a rental business on the side. He goes to yoga religiously every Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and pilates on Tuesdays and Thursdays…plus, may gym and running on the weekends. He has a pet named Seol, whom he devotes most of his savings to, aside from his precious Lego and Gundam collections. Sayang nga lang wala palagi si Seol sakanya; she’s mostly with Rai’s parents.
He basically has his life together. Walang complications, walang iniisip.
It’s a shame that such an event would put a dent on Rai’s crystal clear, almost blindingly clean life.
“What the fuck did you fucking say? Tangina, seryoso ka?”
Nanggagalaiti sa galit ang tono ni Rai sa loob ng resto. Walang sinabi ang maamong postura ni Rai sa kung gaano na lang kabaluhara ang mga salitang binitawan niya.
Rai could cut a bitch right now. Literally, when said bitch was sitting right in front of him.
“Rai,” Enzo replied, leaning his face towards Rai. “It’s not working, and you know it. Besides, ang tagal naman na nating hindi okay, right?”
Rai thanked himself for thinking ahead and booking a private booth. At least dito, walang makakakita kung dukutin niya man ng tinidor ang mga mata ng boyfriend niya. Este, ex-boyfriend pala. But, Rai held himself back. He clenched the knife harder proceeding to cut through the steak he ordered.
“So, that’s an excuse…for you to cheat on me?”
Enzo removed his elbows on the table, suddenly giving Rai some distance.
Asshole, isip ni Rai habang nginunguya ang steak sa bibig nito.
“Bae, it’s not cheating. We were on a break, remember?”
Enzo’s tone was defensive. He even gave Rai a smile – as if it was going to make a fucking difference.
“Cool off ‘yun, Enzo,” Rai just replied, before taking a sip from his wine. For a moment, when he looked at Enzo’s (now) disgusting smile, he thought of splashing the red liquid all over his ex’s adultourous face. Now that he sees it, tangina, ‘di naman pala siya gwapo. Grabe talaga nagagawa pag nagkagusto ka no?
“Same thing,” Enzo shrugged his shoulders, acting as if his morals couldn’t have been at a better place.
Hindi na nga gwapo, ang laki pang gago.
Rai gulps down the entire glass. He sets the glass down a bit louder than intended. Mabuti’t halos madilim sa booth nila kundi makikita siguro ni Enzo ang nginig sa kamay niya.
“A year in, and this is what I get from you,” Rai just says.
Rai understood that a lot of people saw him as this resolved, zen, and go-getter type of person. He knew what others thought of him; and it was nice to be perceived as that. At least, in the minds of friends at an arms length, he was invincible.
But he hurts, too. This, hurts for him, too.
He’s just good – so good at being put-together that none of them – apparently not even his ex-boyfriend could see it. Vulnerability sucks as it is, and Rai chose to be with someone with a bird’s brain for it. Embarrassing.
But that doesn’t mean he’s going to cry over it. Sino bang iiyak para sa lalaki? And for someone like Enzo who basically leeched off of him? No thanks.
Enzo reached out his hand, trying to hold Rai’s. Rai slapped his hand off faster than he thought he would – as if he was slapping off a fly. Rai suddenly thinks that it might not even be far-fetched. Enzo reeked of trash, anyways.
“Bae,” malambing na tawag ni Enzo, na para bang wala siyang ginawang masama. “We can still be friends, you know.”
Rai could hear a loud gong going off his ear.
“Tangina mo. Magsama kayo ng kabit mo. You know what, maybe I’ll even send her a message. Maliit na nga tite mo, ni kusing wala pa sa bangko mo.”
Enzo smiled. Alam na ni Rai ‘to. Wala talagang palya.
“Rai, c’mon, you’re being dramatic. You won’t do that,” ani ni Enzo, halos hilahin pabalik sa upuan si Rai. “Plus, we haven’t paid for the dinner, baby. Don’t leave, hm? Split pa natin, you know I’m in a bind right now...hindi pa ko kino-callback ng director doon sa role na nirelay sa’kin,” patuloy niya.
Rai only laughed at his ex. Puta, anong klaseng charity case ba ‘to?
Mabilis niyang dinampot ang bag na nakasabit sa ilalim ng mesa bago ngitian si Enzo. Upon getting another good look at his ex’s face, Rai couldn’t help it. Gumalaw na lang talaga ang kamay niya. Sorry na lang sa yoga and pilates instructors niya. Hindi kaya ng ilang beses na namaste, breathe in and breathe out, and practicing inner peace ang inis niya.
“Hey, bae — ouch! What the fuck, Rai?” Enzo cried out, holding on to his cheek, nursing the red imprint left by Rai’s palm.
“Tigas talaga ng mukha mo eh, noh?” he spat out, not caring if his voice had gotten a little bit higher than its usual decibels.
In Rai’s peripheral vision, he can already see the other diners slowly rising to their seats, watching the drama before them unfold. His superego is probably fuming at him for not acting according to acceptable societal practices — for resorting to violence — for being quite a bitch and making a scene.
Rai could care less about the people around them. Slapping his cheating piece of shit of an ex was worth the drama. Taena, kahit i-TikTok pa siya, wala siyang pake. FB live? No problem.
Rai reached for his glass of water and just took a sip, not answering to Enzo.
“Rai, we can talk about this. We can still be friends, sabi ko sa’yo, hm?” ani ni Enzo, nilalakasan ang boses. Probably to save face.
When Rai emptied the glass, he fixed his hair and smoothed out his shirt, before adjusting the bag on his shoulder.
“I don’t stay friends with exes, Enzo. Especially cheating, pieces of garbage like you,” he replied before turning his back. He walked away momentarily before turning his back.
“Saka Enz? No need to split the bill, bayad na ‘yan, naawa ako sa’yo eh. Ang nipis na nga ng buhok mo, baka makalbo ka pa lalo. Happy anniversary, ha?”
Although Rai walked out of that restaurant with his face heating up like a furnace, still, his shoulders felt a bit lighter than before, and his head clearer than water.
Fuck Enzo. Fuck him. Fuck his cheating ass.
And fuck his receding hair line.
ᛝ
Rai isn’t really sure how it got to this point.
Maybe he shouldn’t have drank two glasses of wine before leaving Enzo at the restaurant. Maybe, he shouldn’t have asked his taxi to drop him off at the nearest convenience store to his unit. If that didn't happen, maybe he wouldn’t have bought 2 bottles of Soju and 2 more bottles of flavored beer.
But God, the radio program playing on the taxi was irritating Rai so, so, fucking much. It was all okay when the DJ began the program by playing some tunes and telling everyone to reach out through their email; but what happened after that? Not so much.
He knew about the program. His best friend, Aiden, actually works with the radio station – more on behind the scenes nga lang, not exclusively on the specific program airing though; however, he’s been a lot less present because of fatherhood. Leo, also their friend, works in the same station, too. If Rai’s memory was serving him right, Leo was particularly involved in this segment – the program where they get emails or letters from listeners, give advice, and have conversations with the sender.
DJ Miks – the host of the radio show – had been reading a letter from a girl named Aly, aged 23, whose main concern was about long distance relationships and her fear of her boyfriend cheating on her.
Rai had to scoff. Talagang sumabay pa talaga sa kanya, eh no?
Rai sat through the traffic listening to the DJ’s voice reading through the letter. It took them 2 stoplights and a 2-minute traffic jam for him to finish. Rai was surprised that emails to radio stations can be that long; it surprised him even more that the DJ probably read most of it.
Rai thought how that letter alone could already rival the word count of the poor short story draft saved on his laptop.
After finishing up the letter — by that time Rai’s ETA to his place is at 25 minutes — the DJ welcomed the sender. Aly’s voice sounded thin and airy, like she was constantly on falsetto; much less like the DJ’s which sounded rather deeper; it reminded Rai of coffee. Weird.
The first few moments of the conversation was just a lot of questions about their relationship background – how long they’ve been together (1 year; Rai scoffed again); how they met; yada yada yada. Rai mostly tuned the conversation out, only listening in when there were relatively ‘juicy’ details of the story – like what brought on the concern. Apparently, Aly was moving away somewhere; and she was worried about the guy cheating on her with her best friend – who, apparently, was close to both of them; but more to the boyfriend.
Napailing lang si Rai sa na narinig. Even the taxi driver clicked his tongue, before saying, “Mahirap ‘yan…baka ipagpalit sa mas malapit.”
As much as Rai wanted to believe in the probable inherent goodness of people, still, he instinctively agreed. Siya ngang malapit na, nakuha pang mapalitan, ‘yun pa kaya? But of course, he knew he’s probably biased. And still a little pissed off.
Sure, the DJ was making sense about his advice – you know, learning how to trust and to communicate type of spiel – but Rai can’t help but think that’s just some plain common sense. Sure, hindi naman siya kwalipikado, given that he’s never done LDR and has actually been cheated on himself. But c’mon, that general advice? You can give that advice to a handful of people with relationship problems and they’d take it like it was Gospel sometimes. Napaisip lang si Rai kung talaga bang inintindi ng DJ ang sinasabi ni Aly.
At the back of Rai’s mind though he felt so bad for thinking that way. Hindi naman kasalanan ni DJ Miks kung ‘yun lang ang kaya niyang maibigay, hindi naman siya ‘yung may jowa kay Arnel – jowa ni Aly.
As much as Rai would like to ask his driver to change the station, it seemed like his driver was already invested in the relationship, too. Tumatango-tango si manong at uma-agree sa lahat ng sinasabi ng DJ. Ano pa bang magagawa ni Rai kundi hayaan na lang ‘di ba? Saka sino ba naman siya, pasahero lang naman. Baka ‘yun na nga lang nag-aaliw sa drayber, aalisin niya pa.
Nairita lang siguro si Rai kay Aly. It annoyed the heck out of him when she was constantly deflecting and being defensive about the DJ’s questions – even putting his boyfriend – who apparently has been acting all suspicious for the past 6 months – on a pedestal as if he’s incapable of doing anything wrong.
“Eh DJ Miks, sinusuyo niya naman po ako eh. Pag nag-aaway kami, binibilhan niya akong milktea, prutas, saka burger at fries,” Aly said, her voice sounding a little more shrill than airy.
God, nakakairita, isip lang ni Rai.
DJ Miks sighed, but kept the show going, just letting the sender say whatever. It seemed like he gave up, too.
“So, what about your…” the DJ paused, “honeybunch? Yes, honeybunch, ang favorite mo?”
Tangina, who uses honeybunch as an endearment nowadays?
There was a giggle on the radio, probably Aly.
“Ah, DJ naman kasi eh…” Aly answered. Halatang may kilig sa boses nito.
Rai would have found it endearing – hell, he thought he could have even used this scene as a material as a starting poi– but he just found it so, so, irritating.
“Sobrang loving kasi ng honeybunch ko eh. Lagi kaming magka-text, magka-tawagan, magkasama. Alam mo ‘yun, DJ? Ang sarap lang magmahal lalo na’t ang tagal na rin namin. Sobrang sweet niya pa sa’kin, laging may text pagkagising namin. Nakakakilig pong makabasa ng ‘Good morning, honeybunch ko’! Tapos lagi niya pang tinatanong kung kumain pag break ko lagi sa trabaho. Alam mo ‘yun?” kilig na sagot ni Aly.
DJ Miks only laughed, not answering the question.
“Tas, sa ibang bagay pa, DJ. Alam mo ‘yun…pag nagla-labing labing kami,” irit ni Aly.
That’s it. That’s fucking it.
He only heard the beep from the radio station before asking his driver to be dropped off right then and there, which turned out to be the nearest convenience store to his place. Small mercies.
Now, his apartment’s a mess. Bottles were scattered all over his living room floor, all 3 bottles empty – save for the last bottle of Soju he was drinking from; empty packets of banana chips and dried mangoes on his coffee table; and some unknown liquid (probably spilled water) was drying up on his carpet.
If Rai could recall, he hadn’t been this buzzed out since College, nursing a heartbreak from some stupid subject he thought he was going to fail. Don’t get him wrong – it’s not like he’s wallowing in self-pity or being all mopey about being cheated on. A part of him admits that there is some ounce of pain; but in all honesty? Rai just wanted to get hammered, is all. At least, when he’s drunk out of his mind, the flashbacks of his stupidity in getting with Enzo could at least be dwindled down into fragments. At least, everything would just seem funnier.
“Wah, putangina,” he mumbled, “tanga, dapat bumili na rin pala kong extra pulutan,” he slurred.
He rested his head on his sofa. He closed his eyes for a bit. He knew he was going to regret this later on. He’s not exactly good with alcohol anyways. He thought about the anti-hangover stuff on the convenience store counter from earlier and how he wished he should’ve bought at least two.
Una namang talagang plano ay tawagan sana si Aiden saka si Seb – and he did. Kaya nga may mga extra siyang boteng binili. However, with a crying 6-month old baby in Aiden and Seb’s life, they had to decline. Pwede namang si Seb ang shumat, pero ‘yun, ayaw kumalma ng baby girl nila.
“Sa binyag na lang ni Lav,” sabi lang ng mag-asawa sa kanya habang pinapatahan ang bata.
“Promise, bawi kami. Wait – bukas na lang? Or next day, if free ka.’Di tayo iinom, pero please, patulong na lang din kami sa giveaways ni Lav. Less than 2 weeks na rin kasi. Sorry, Rai! But text us, promise! Patahanin lang namin si Lav. Look at her. Say ‘hi’ Lav, there’s Nongnong Rai, baby oh,” Aiden said, only to be ignored by his daughter. She just kept crying.
Rai just swooned over Lav, cooing over his screen calling her pet names, a little drunk and all. They ended the call with Lav screaming at the top of her lungs. He texted them – but only saying he was free the next evening.
Now, Rai stared at the unfinished bottle of Soju, thinking if he should just finish it for some other time. Besides, he’s already way, waaaay, past his limit. If he does finish the bottle, he might do something stupid – baka nga matext niya talaga ‘yung bago ni Enzo – especially without Seb and Aiden to hold him back – but who cares? Wala naman na yatang mas tatanga sa kanya, kasi nga jinowa niya ang kumag na ‘yun.
Rai kept the unfinished bottle of alcohol beside him. He just sat on his floor, in his silk pyjamas, resting his head on the sofa. Then, after a few moments, he took a sip straight from the bottle – just like what he did from the previous bottles of alcohol. He lets out a refreshing ‘ah’ afterwards, as if he just took the biggest and most satisfying swig of his life.
For a while, Rai stared at his ceiling. He’s no longer asking himself what was wrong with him (not that he thought there was, anyways). He’s getting a little dizzy from all the alcohol and from following the weird marks on his ceiling.
“Aha,” biglang sabi ni Rai, walang kabuhay-buhay ang boses. Just plain aha – like a robot.
Dahan-dahang tumayo si Rai, dumiretso sa kanyang kwarto, at bumalik muli sa sala, ngayo’y bitbit na ang laptop niya. With much care, Rai set his laptop on his coffee table, booted it up like usual, and took another swig from his drink.
Rai’s brain is practically fried from all the drinks and sugar he’d been consuming for the past moments; he couldn’t even enter his password properly. He was immediately bombarded by all the pending works and drafts on his screen, and, like a true writer, he saved each one of them – again – and closed every window.
Despite having half a mind for thinking, Rai opened his browser and went straight to search for a certain radio station, then, copying and pasting a certain email address on his sticky notes. He then logged out of his work mail, keyed in his personal email, and hoped for the best. He couldn’t even believe himself – talagang nalipat niya pa sa personal account ang email niya. Good.
“Nice,” he mumbled when he saw the familiar interface of Gmail looking back at him.
‘Di ba ang tinatanong niya kanina – anong mali sa kanya. What was so wrong about Ryle Isaiah Jeon that his first ex ghosted him; and the second one cheated on him? Wala siyang nakuhang sagot. So, the question that kinda bugged him was that – anong meron sa mga naging boyfriend niya – particularly – Enzo Abusado Jr. – para tratuhin siyang ganon.
He didn’t really understand; Rai was just lost.
Before Rai could even understand what he was doing, he clicked ‘COMPOSE’, drafting a lengthy prose that could probably rival Aly’s, the girl from the radio, collection of stories, queries, and misgivings. He typed and typed, pressed on whatever key his fingertips came in contact with. There were no breaks, just raw, unfiltered typing. His wrist kinda hurt from all the typing (and drinking in between) and his eyes felt red raw; but that didn’t really stop Rai. There was no stopping Rai when he started weaving whatever words came to mind.
“Gago,” he just whispered drunkenly when, in the heat of the moment, he clicked ‘SEND’, before falling asleep on his living room floor.
Rai just slept through it. Wala siyang pake.
He doesn’t even remember much of it the next day. Rai just woke up with a throbbing headache and a constant urge to throw up, with not much recollection of what he did last night. The only evidence he had was the opened laptop and the list of emails on his laptop screen. Even when he recalled the fragments from last night right at a later time – he doesn’t really care, it’s not like it’s going to be picked up anyways. Ang dami-daming nakikinig sa radyo, siya pa ba ang mapipili?
ᛝ
“Sinabi niya ‘yun?”
Napatigil si Rai sa pagtatali ng mga ribbon sa handle ng goodie bag na ina-assemble niya. Nagulat ang lalaki sa lakas ng boses ng boses ng mag-asawang Seb at Aiden, dahilan na rin para mapalingon siya kay Lav natutulog sa crib nito sa sala ng mga Choi.
“Please, keep it down,” sagot niya lang nang mapansing mahimbing pa rin ang tulog ng baby.
“She barely slept during the afternoon, kaya knockout si Lav,” sagot ni Aiden sa panunuway ni Rai. “Anyway, he really said that? Ang kapal naman ng mukha niya. Tigas ng mukha, puta.”
Rai nodded in agreement. “He even said we can stay friends, parang tanga ‘di ba? Like I would stay friends with someone like him?”
Seb only tsked when Rai said that.
Aiden was furious, his face was contorting into something Rai didn’t like seeing; he was making these noises, like he was swallowing something spicy, then biting his lip like he wanted to punch someone. Typical Aiden.
“Tangina niyang lalaking ‘yan, ‘wag ‘yang papakita sa’kin kahit kailan. Naku, talagang babangasan ko ‘yang gagong ‘yan. I knew that bitch was fucking evil. I knew it!”
“Pa, kalma ka lang,” mahinahong suway ni Seb sa asawa.
“Gago kasi, pa,” sagot naman ni Aiden.
“Hindi mo naman kawalan ‘yun, Rai,” ani ni Seb, nagbubukas ng maliit na paper bag at nilalagyan ng ‘Thank you for coming!’ sticker, saka ito inaabot sa asawa niya. “Pero, grabe, umabot kayong isang taon.”
“I know,” Rai exclaimed, just as baffled as Seb. “I mean, I think ako na rin ‘yung may problem. But, I don’t know. A part of me feels relieved; I feel betrayed pero, parang it’s more like – at least may excuse na talaga ako to walk away. I feel more embarrassed than sad, honestly,” he continued, tying up another bow in the process.
Narinig niyang bumuntong hininga si Aiden sa tabi nito.
“What?” tanong ni Rai.
“Ewan, naiinis ako sa kanya, ‘di ko naman kilala,” sagot ni Aiden, naglalagay ng mga candy sa loob ng bag saka inaabot kay Rai para siya naman ang mag-tali. “He’s such an ass. Panot pa. Imagine having your heart broken by someone like that? I would hate myself. I hope he never gets casted.”
Rai laughed in response. “Sama mo ah.”
The three of them went on with their clockwork labor, a small factory of three solely for producing Lav’s giveaways.
“How’s writing? Doing okay?” tanong ni Seb sa sa kanya.
“Same old. I think I’ve already been stuck for a while. Buti nga hindi pa ko sinasakal ng editor ko,” sagot ni Rai, napapabuntong hininga rin. Three days post-break-up, Rai never had any drops in emotions or any surges in wanting to do something different – like change his hair or go soul-searching. It almost seemed like nothing happened. He supposes that it’s because he’s carefree; like it’s just another passing day in his life. He guesses that being a little more on the avoidant side helped.
Now that he’s in a clearer, less angrier headspace, he wonders if he truly ever loved Enzo. He had fun with him, but what else? He tried his best to think about it. He put himself in a situation – if somebody pointed a gun to his head and asked if he ever loved him. He wondered if he’ll be able to say ‘yes’ in a heartbeat. Rai is so unsure. Maybe he did, at some point, until it just became indifference.
“Sebby, pwedeng paki-switch ‘yung radio?” request ni Aiden nang masyado na silang tahimik sa pag-aasikaso ng mga kanya-kanyang gawain.
Tumango lang si Seb at agad ring sinindi ang radyo, hinihinian nang kaunti ang lakas para ‘di maistorbo si Lav.
“Why? On leave ka pa ‘di ba?” tanong ni Rai.
Nag-kibit balikat lang si Aiden.
“I like listening to the shows. Sakto segment na ni Miky boy, baka may nakakatawa ulit. Makinig ka kaya dito minsan, Rai? He gives love advices and whatnot – ‘yung parang sa dating mga radio shows? Baka may maisip ka ring material,” sagot ni Aiden.
“No thanks. I’m bad at romance,” sagot ni Rai. Besides, he’s already sent an embarrassing email once – ayaw niya na rin namang ma-remind ng mga kabaliwang nagagawa niya pag may alak sa sistema niya.
A few ads about herbal medicines, scar lightening oil, and laundry soap later, a familiar background music quietly hummed over the Choi’s living room. It was the same melody Rai heard just a few days ago inside a cramped taxi swerving through the streets of Manila. After a few moments, the DJ who he dubbed as having a ‘coffee-like’ voice, started speaking.
“Hi, hello, everyone, magandang gabi. This is DJ Miks, your one and only ka-heart-to-heart here in Hearts on Air only on 26.5 Diamond FM Radio Station. The time is currently 9 o’clock on a Friday – just the perfect time for us to listen, learn, and feel our Carat listeners’ heart concerns. If you want to be on the show, you can always send us an email at [email protected], or hit is up on our Facebook Page. Another day, another heart airing! But, as always, let’s begin the program with a love song that I hope everybody knows – a classic, a hit, and personally, a favorite – here is The Cure, with ‘Friday, I’m in Love’ – just because it’s Friday…and frankly I love Fridays…”
Rai hummed along to the music, the tunes oddly coming back to him, as he went on to tie ribbon after ribbon on the goodie bags.
He stared at the pile of bags on Seb’s side, realizing how much they still had to finish. However, with the three of them working systematically for Lav, it doesn’t seem like an impossible task. Tinuloy lang ni Rai ang ginagawa, hanggang sa marinig niya na muli ang boses ni DJ Miks.
“That was The Cure with ‘Friday I’m In Love’. However, as we enter this session it seems like our sender is not in love. We have a sender…wait..yes, a sender who seems to be in stuck on Monday to Wednesday because his letter, from what I’ve scanned – is very blue and grey. Get it? From the lyrics?”
Rai thought that was corny. Hindi na lang siya nagsalita. Baka isumbong pa siya ni Aiden sa DJ na ‘to, whoever he is.
“All right, oh wow, this is long…and very…um…explicit,” ani ni DJ Miks, “but, all right. We have a letter from Rai. Hi, Rai, hope you’re tuned in right now!”
“Uy, Rai, kapangalan mo,” biglang sabi ni Aiden sa kanya.
Kakabahan na sana si Rai – pero alam niyang marami siyang kapangalan sa mundo. Could be ‘Rai’ or maybe ‘Ry’, ‘Rhai’, or even ‘Rye’. And come on, who would read the bullshit he wrote there anyways. Nagkibit balikat lang si Rai saka naman pinokus ang atensyon sa iba pang kailangan para sa binyag ni Lav…he’s just such a good ninong like that.
Rai had been looking at Aiden and Seb’s checklist when he felt a nudge on side from Aiden.
“Makinig ka! Parang parehong-pareho kayo ng pinagdadaanan oh,” ani ni Aiden sa kanya.
Nagbuntong hininga si Rai, pero sinunod na lang niya ang sinasabi ni Aiden. His friend wouldn’t shut up about it if hindi niya rin naman gagawin.
“...’So, I just got dumped. Like, approximately 4 hours ago. I don’t know if I was dumped – or If I was the one who did the dumping – because apparently, my ex-boyfriend cheated on me. With a girl. I’m a guy, by the way. We were together for a year. First anniversary namin by the time I’m writing this stupid thing. I wouldn’t say that I’m completely surprised…Napansin ko naman na that there was already something different with the way he was acting the past few months. I just ignored them because, well, I have work and, in my own idiocy, I actually trusted him…’”
Napataas ang kilay ni Rai. It couldn’t be possible, right? Rai shook off those thoughts. Impossible…baka sadyang same na same lang talaga sila ng pinagdaanan ni OP. Maraming manloloko sa mundo, at siguro, tulad niya, nagoyo rin siya.
“...’Then, earlier, he just said na he’s seeing someone else, and he was so non-chalant about. Nakakrita! The audacity to cheat on me when in the first place he was the one chasing after me first?’”
The DJ paused for a bit, before saying. “Wait there’s a lot of curse words here, sorry guys, so kapag nanahimik ako, or I intentionally bleep some wods, alam niyo na,” the DJ laughed before continuing, reading with so much enthusiasm.
“‘Teh, hindi ko rin alam kung anong nilalang o sinong santo ba sumapi sa’kin kasi, grabe, hindi ko siya nasapak? At least, hindi agad. Nasampal ko pero hahaha kapal ng mukha niya ah.’”
“What the fuck,” Rai breathed out unconsciously.
Napatingin lang si Aiden sa kanya. “What? What’s wrong?”
The DJ kept reading. The more he listened to DJ Miks’ voice, the stupider he felt.
“‘Wah, P.I. niya eh, no? Sobrang kapal lang ng mukha ng panot na g***ng ‘yon? For the most part, nag-enjoy naman ako with my time with him. He was all right – he was mostly fun and adventurous – except for the part na he was irresponsible in all ways you can think off – financially, with taking care of himself, and obviously, taking care of me.’”
“Wala bang nag-sscreen ng mga nagsesend sa inyo ng mga ganito?” tanong ni Rai, kunwari dedma lang sa pag-eere ng malupit niyang pagrereklamo at pagtrauma dump sa radyo.
Aiden squinted, as if trying to figure Rai out. “Meron, pero depende pa rin si DJ minsan. Kung trip niya, e ‘di go.”
Rai nodded, before shifting his eyes to the goodie bag he’s holding.
“‘...Imagine, tinulungan ko pang mag-bayad ‘yon ng p********** acting classes kay Ogie Diaz, eh aba p***. Pero, isipin mo ha. Anong saysay nun kung halos buong mukha mo binotox, ‘di ba? I have nothing against people who gets botox – my friends do, too and baka ako rin next time – pero t******! Saan ka dadalhin ng facial expressions mong hilaw teh? Sure ka mag-aartista ka na niyan? Paano pag sinabi ni Orgie Diaz kumunot ka? Ano gagawin niya? Tititig lang? Magf-fierce? T******, ano kaya ‘yun! Tanga-tanga ko, p***...”
“Galit yata siya guys,” komento ng DJ, medyo natatawa sa mga nababasa. Rai could only close his eyes from hearing his own words through the radio.
“...’Now that I think about it, baka kaya ang bigat sa kamay nung sinampal ko mukha niya…chos. Parang bato. Haha. And, he kept spouting about the stupid f***** big break – baliw ba siya? Eh hindi nga siya nag-aaudition kasi daw madidiscover daw naturally. Parang tanga lang talaga, bakit Jericho Rosales ka ba? Ha?,’” the DJ read.
“Rai?” tawag ni Aiden.
“Oh?” maiksing sagot ni Rai.
The radio droned on. Rai wished for a break. Tangina, please, MXD Herbal capsule, nasaan ka ba kung kailan kailangan kita?
“‘...At first I thought it would be because of our age, at least I could try to make an excuse. But then I realized, I’m literally just 2 years older than him. The f*** man? What the f*** do you mean ‘di ka pa rin marunong magsabi ng ‘para’ at the ripe age of 28. B*****. I could go on and on about his red flags that I should’ve seen and stupid situations I have been in because of that relationship, pero parang pag ikwento ko pa ‘di mas lalo pa kong napahiya? Hahaha. Tanga ko rin g***, LOL. Please ba’t ba ko pumatol at bakit ko ba pinatagal? Tanga lang…’”
“May gusto ka bang aminin?” tanong ni Aiden, may nakakalokong ngiti sa labi nito.
Napalunok si Rai.
Nakatingin lang si Seb sakanilang dalawa, naghihintay.
“‘...I’m not really asking for advice. Gusto ko lang mag-rant hehe. Bahala na kayo kong i-air niyo ‘to. OMG. Naalala ko lang din na may tropa pala kong nagttrabaho dito,” basa ni DJ Miks. “Oh, may friends si sender dito sa station. “...’Hi, Aiden! Hi, Leo!’ Hi, rin daw! Aiden’s currently on leave, but I’m sure he says hi. Leo’s in front of me, laughing. Hindi ba nila alam ‘to, Rai?” birong ani ni DJ Miks.
Hindi na napigilan ni Aiden ang tawa nito. “Rai, tangina! What the fuck, akala ko ba ‘di ka nakikinig dito?”
“Kaya sinasamahan dapat ‘tong uminom,” ani lang ni Seb.
“Sige, tawanan mo pa,” komento ni Rai. “I was drunk, okay? ‘Di ako nag-iisip nun.”
The radio continued playing in the background.
“Pwede ko ba ‘tong basahin,” dinig nilang tatlo sa radyo, but, the DJ proceeeded to do so anyways.
“...Pashout out naman po kay Enzo Abusado Jr. tarantado ka talaga! May utang ka pa sa’king 3k lintek kang panot ka, sayo na yan ny***. Mamili ka naman sana ng paraan para maging pahirap sa buhay di ba, hindi yung lalahatin mo! ‘Di ka nga nagbabayad ng utang, nangangaliwa ka pang k*** ka. Sana makalbo ka lalo, wala kang hiya!
Chikahin niyo ko sa number ko ahhh sasagot ako para makapag kwento ako, oh eto number ko. Bye p******* mo Enzo sana mabangga ka ng bisekleta… panot na nga j**** pa.’”
“Fuck,” mura ni Rai, nakapasalumbaba na sa mesa.
“Jusko, Rai,” sabi ni Aiden, halos malagutan na ng hininga dahil sa katatawa.
“Your DJs should pick better emails to read you know,” komento ni Rai, nakasubsob na ngayon ang mukha sa mesa. “Hindi ‘yung kung ano-ano na lang.”
“Baliw, eh si Miks nga namimili ng mga ‘yan, kung ano-ano pa naman mga trip nun, minsan ‘di na nagsskim para daw may element of surprise. Si Leo minsan namimili para sa kanya, but it’s mostly him. ‘Di bale, ‘di ka naman kilala non,” tawa ni Aiden. “So, sasagutin mo tawag nila?”
“Tawag nino?”
“Radio station. Duh.”
“What?”
“Huy teh, may tawag ‘yan na susunod,” sabi ni Aiden, kumalma na rin sa wakas.
Rai almost forgot about that. Well, it’s not like he’s an avid listener in the first place – isang beses pa lang naman siyang nakapakinig sa prgram nung nasa taxi siya.
“‘Di na ko sasagot. Okay lang naman ‘di ba?”
Aiden rolled his eyes. “Seryoso? Boring naman.”
“Ikaw sumagot.”
“Alam mong asawa’t anak na ‘ko, ako pa talaga. Saka alam ni Miks boses ko, baliw.”
“Eh ‘di hindi na talaga ako sasagot,” sagot niya. “Nakakahiya, puro kalokohan nakasulat dun?”
“Bahala ka na teh,” sagot na lang ni Aiden. “Anyway, ayos lang din naman ‘yun. May mga listeners din na ganun. Miks just lets it be. DJ DJ na lang siya pagtapos, reading stuff on the online stream sometimes.”
“Ganun na lang gawin niya, kaya niya na ‘yan,” sagot lang ni Rai.
After a few more minutes, they heard the resounding ring from the radio, and also, the incessant vibrations on Rai’s phone.
“‘Di ako sasagot ah. ‘Di talaga,” ani lang ni Rai, bago tumayo para i-silent ang telepono.
“Oo na teh. Tapusin na natin ‘tong mga eme ni Lav, para makapagpahinga na rin,” Aiden answered, shaking his head. “Inom pa more.”
“Eto na po,” sagot ni Rai, binabato na sa sofa ng mga Choi ang cellphone niyang vibrate nang vibrate.
The radio kept playing as they worked through the remaining giveaways.
“Sadly, Rai isn’t answering our calls right now,” he heard DJ Miks say. “However, I do feel for Rai! Imagine getting your heart broken from somebody you trust. I’m sure our listeners feel the same way, too. Tignan nga natin kung anong sinasabi ng mga listeners on our stream.”
DJ Miks began reading throught the comments.
“Ito, Sharmaine from Cubao said, ‘Hello, DJ Miks! Nakakikinig kami ng bffs ko here in Cubao! Relate ako kay Rai so much! Nahuli ko ‘yung boyfriend kong may iba’t ibang kausap sa IG, at same po sila ng ugali na tingin nila sa kanila po umiikot ang mundo. Gets kung ba’t galit si Rai, ako kasi motor ang naging regalo sa ex-boyfriend ko! Buti sinampal mo! Sana marami! Dahil walang kwentang mga ex po ang usapan, DJ Miks, pwede paki-play naman po ng ‘You’re so Vain’ ni Carly Simon. Thanks, we love your show so much! ’”
Rai snorted when he heard Sharmaine’s sentiments. Nasasayangan tuloy si Rai. Isang beses niya lang kasing nasampal si Enzo.
“Hi, Sharmaine! Thanks for tuning in tonight! Cheating exes really have their own place in the underworld, chariz! All right! ‘You’re so Vain’ by Carly Simons locked and loaded na sa queue. Ito, we also have John from Cebu! Maayong gabii, John, and also to our listeners there!
‘Hi, DJ Miks! I feel the same sentiments as Rai, galing rin po kasi ako sa same situation. I just learned that my boyfriend of 5 years was cheating on me with his female co-worker sa office nila. Nakakadisappoint lang pong malaman na kahit pala talaga matagal na kayo, minsan nagagawa pa rin pala nila ‘yung mga hindi natin ine-expect. Totoo nga po ang sabi nila, wala sa tagal ng relasyon ‘yan. What hurt me the most po siguro for me is because I can’t even mourn and ask for any advice from my friends and family kasi ang alam nila single po ako. Another thing that sucks is that I can’t really get angry or messy kasi hindi po out ang ex-boyfriend ko sa mga tao, and ayoko rin naman pong i-out ang ex ko, knowing na may mga say ang pamilya niya tungkol doon. Gusto ko na lang din po siyang sampalin. Hays, I hope we get the love we truly deserve in this lifetime. I wish the same thing for Rai! For my song request, DJ, pwede po bang paki-play naman ‘Just Like Heaven’ para may The Cure po ulit since I love that band po. Thanks for your show, DJ! Kahit papaano gumaan ng kaunti ang loob ko!’”
Rai sighed. Hays, sana karmahin nang malupit ‘yung ex ni John.
“Hi, John,” panimula ng DJ. “First of all, I’m so, so proud of you for being strong, and for being so classy and respectful sa ex mo and his sexuality, kahit hindi ideal ang ginawa niya sa’yo. I think this speaks volumes about how good your character is; and this just makes me believe that love, the good, gentle, and proud kind, will definitely find its way to you eventually. When someone chooses to be unfaithful, it takes a lot to be the bigger person, ano? That takes a great amount of maturity and respect. Virtual yakap, John. No matter who you are and no matter who you love, Hearts on Air is always here for everyone. I’m here for you. If you can’t open up to anyone, we’re always here for you, okay? Just send us a message. This is a safe space. Borrowing Rai’s words, kupal ‘yang ex mo, and may balik rin ‘yan sa kanya. Thank you, again for tuning in, John.”
“Ano, natutuwa ka noh?” tanong ni Aiden.
“Sakto lang,” tanong sagot ni Rai.
Like what Aiden said, DJ Miks’ just read through comments after comments, cracked jokes, gave his two cents about certain things, and went on with the night, playing song requests like he read nothing incriminating.
Rai tuned out the radio show entirely, tending through his tasks robotically, until the ribbons on his side ran out.