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Robby and Emery are lounging in her living room, eating pizza and drinking beer, enjoying a rare night where they both are off. Emery’s wife, Kylie, is away at some dinner with the other teachers from her school, so Emery had invited Robby over for some siblings bonding time and so that Robby isn’t being a mopey sad sack sitting alone at his place. They are just enjoying each other company, sitting in silence. Neither ever really feels the need to fill the silence when they with each other. They tend to really only use their breath to say important things. The trivial stuff never felt necessary between them.
After a few minutes of half-heartedly watching the movie playing on the TV and trying to stay awake long enough to finish his meal, Robby lets out a groan and covers his face with his hands. He is lying in the middle of Emery’s living room, flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling. “Em, am I destined to die alone?”
Emery focuses on swallowing the beer she has in her mouth before responding. “What?”
Robby uncovers his face, but remains flat on his back, staring at the ceiling. “Everyone wants to just sleep together on the first date. What happened to getting to know someone? Asking them about their interests? Showing a real desire to understand them and not just get into their pants. We used to have the three date rule, now though, people want to skip a meal and go straight to the bedroom. Like I mean pick-up then straight to one of our places, no passing go.”
Emery uses an insane amount of self-control to keep the snort she wants to let out, inside. “Misha, do I need to remind you that as of like a month ago you were sleeping with everyone under the sun. If she had legs and was over the age of 25 you were sleeping with her. No third date, honestly no dates at all. You just matched on an app or met in the cafeteria at work and then boom, you were in their bed, leaving at 2am after claiming you were paged to work. That is literally what you just described.”
Robby turns his head to glare at Emery. “Leave the past in the past. I want something real. Like what you have. You have Kylie. You have this amazing house. You are talking about starting a family. I want someone to spend my nights with. Someone who will drink coffee with me in the morning and eat cookies at midnight without asking questions. Someone who will learn the things I like and surprise me after a rough day. Someone who when I say let’s take the plunge, instead of asking questions, they respond with as long as we are together, I’m in.”
“How romantic of you Michael.” Emery coos with sarcasm dripping off her words. “Also, kinda sounds like you’re a little jealous of me.”
Robby grunts and starts to grip his hair. “I am, kiddo. Which is a horrible thing to admit, but I want your life.”
Emery moves off the couch, and lays down on the floor next to Robby. She connects their pinkies together, the only touch Robby has always been absolutely comfortable with and tolerated. Emery is one of the few people who gets to hug Robby, but she would bet good money, he isn’t in a mental space to accept that kind of affection right now. “It’s okay to want what other people have, Misha. It doesn’t make you a terrible person.”
“Not when it’s your little sister. When you are jealous of family, it does make you a terrible person.” Robby mumbles, sounding ashamed to admit it. “You have gone through so much shit in life. You have earned and deserve everything good you have, but no there is a voice in my fucking head that keeps making me envious of what you have. Why the fuck, can’t I just only feel happiness for you?”
Emery turns her head, but Robby remains with his eyes glued to the small crack in the ceiling. “Misha, I have been jealous of you since the day I entered this world. You always had it together. Bubbe always reminded me of what a good kid you were. When I would skip curfew, she would say ‘מותק, למה אתה לא יכול להיות יותר כמו מישה. הוא תמיד היה ילד טוב.’ (Motek, why can’t you be more like Misha. He was always a good boy). It would drive me up the wall.”
Robby snorts. “She was lying to you Emmy. I gave her a run for her money. I pierced my ear, I kissed girls in my Hebrew classes, and I once egged a teacher’s house with some friends after she gave us a bad grade on a group project. Bubbe was fighting for her life trying to keep me in line.”
“Well. Misha. I always wanted to be you. I still do.” Emery shifts a little, rolling onto her side before reaching out to grab Robby’s chin, so she can tilt his head. The end goal is for them to be looking each other. “You also went through shit. You deserve good things too.”
“I was older. I was suppose to protect you.”
“You are the best big brother a girl could ask for. Now let’s stop wallowing or if you want to continue being a sad sap at least let me grab the ice cream.”
Robby pretends to think about it for a minute. “Ice cream please. I’m not ready to stop being a Debbie downer yet.”
Emery pops to her feet. “Sounds like a plan.”
————————————————————
Emery returns with the cartoon and two spoons. There are no bowls in sight.
“Isn’t Kylie going to be upset if we eat straight from the cartoon?” Robby asks with a raised eyebrow.
Emery just waves him off. “No. She knows not to mess with our sweet treats. This is solely for Michael and Emery. She respects it.”
“That’s true love right there.” Robby points at her with his spoon. “I want that.”
Emery just laughs and takes another bite from the cartoon. They are once again, just enjoying each other company. Emery is deep in thought though and it’s clear on her face.
“Talk to me, Em.” Robby says, knocking their shoulders together.
“What?”
“I know that face. It’s an Emery Walsh classic.” Robby takes more ice cream. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“Can I ask you a question without you freaking out?”
Robby tenses a little. “No promises, but I will always answer your questions.”
“It’s personal” Emery states, giving him one more chance to back out.
“When isn’t it”
Emery just shrugs as if to say, I warned you. “Have you ever considered you might be gay?” She tries to keep her tone light and friendly. The last thing she needs is for Robby to get any more in his head or retreat into himself even farther than he already is.
Robby responds without missing a beat. “Well I’m bi, so no. I like women, but I also like the occasional man.”
Emery’s whole body jolts, she drops her spoon and quickly places the ice cream carton on the coffee today, before she accidental spills it in her processing of the information she just received. “SINCE WHEN.”
Robby looks at her and shrugs a little. “Well since birth, but I’ve been embracing it since college.”
Emery’s brain quickly recalibrates and is back on line with a new plan formed. “Well, then we have been going about this all wrong. You need to be on Grindr and change your preference to both men and women on Tinder and Hinge. If you would have told me that small fact about yourself, then I would have been introducing and pushing you on both the men and women that Ky and I know.” Emery smiles to herself a little. “This gives us so many more options.”
Robby pushes the phone that has suddenly appeared in Emery’s hand, down a little, so they are looking at each other and she is focused on what he is about to say.
“Emmy, I have been seeing men. A lot of them recently. It’s just as bad, if not worse. I went on a date with a philosophy professor last week and he psychoanalyzed me the whole time.”
“What the fuck. No, you’re lying to me. What did he say?”
“Well, when I mentioned my job, he proceeded to list the reasons that my avoidance of intimacy is linked to my belief of being unworthy of receiving love.”
Emery gasps. “No. He used your childhood trauma against you.”
Robby points his spoon at her again. “Yes. That’s exactly what he did.”
“I mean he isn’t wrong though, Mish”
“That’s not the point.” Robby groans. “First dates aren’t suppose to end with me having my baggage used against me. I know I have problems. I don’t need some random guy telling me about them over mozzarella sticks. I should be answering questions like what’s my favorite color and what is at the top of my bucket list. If I wanted some half-ass therapist to tell me what is going on in my fucked up head, I would have gone to get wings with Abbot.”
“Fair. What did you say to him?”
“I told him that I hoped his car gets tolled. Then paid for the bill and left.”
Emery snorts so hard that the last sip of beer from her bottle is coming out of her nose. Very unpleasant feeling to say the least. “MICHAEL”
“He deserved it!”
“I don’t disagree, but you’re impossible. That is no way to find a life partner.”
“I’m just being myself. If they can’t handle that, then they aren’t the person for me.” Robby takes a breath. “That’s what I’m saying though, it’s either the person wants sex immediately or they want to unpack my childhood trauma before we even finish our appetizer.”
“Well, Misha. It might be because you are a magnet for emotionally intense individuals.”
Robby narrows his eyes at the woman. What the fuck does that even mean?”
“You are going to hate this, but you walk around like a sad poet everyday of your life. Your big sad brown eyes are sunken in and have bags around them, you wear knitted sweaters and walk with a hunch, like you are trying to shrink yourself as to not be seen.” Emery sighs. “People see you and immediately think, I can fix him.”
“That’s not as comforting as you think it is.”
Emery wraps an arm around Robby. “I wasn’t trying to be comforting. Just realistic.” Emery presses a kiss to Robby’s temple. “If it’s help, people find that whole thing very attractive.”
Robby drops his head back against the couch. “I’m doomed. I’m gonna die alone, sad and in a hole.”
“You’re so dramatic.”
“I’m being realistic”
“No, you’re impatient. You’re 50ish, not 90.” Emery nudges his shoulder with hers. “You want the kind of love people build over time, but you keep trying to force it to happen immediately. Kylie and I didn’t wake up one day magically understanding each other. We became best friends first.”
Robby is quiet for a moment as he bites his inner cheek thinking about when Emery first mentioned Kylie to him, back when they met in college. “Yeah.”
“And honestly?” Emery says softer now. “I think you’re scared of people really knowing you.”
“That’s not true.”
“Misha.”
Robby presses his lips together.
“You let people see the fun version of you. The flirting. The sarcasm. The chaos. The hotshot ED attending, who pulls crazy ass treatment plans out of his ass. The problem is that the second someone gets close enough to actually care about you, you run. The second someone asks a question that goes below the surface level, you freak out.”
Robby scoffs. “That sounds fake.”
“It sounds exactly like you.”
He sighs. “Okay, maybe a little.”
“A lot.”
“A medium amount.”
Emery grins triumphantly. “There he is.”
Robby steals the carton from the table. “You know, I came here for support and pizza. Instead I’m getting emotionally evaluated by a trauma surgeon with a superiority complex.”
“You’re welcome.” Emery says with a shit-eating grin. “Perks of being the little sister.”
“You and the philosophy professor would get along.”
Emery cackles. “Oh absolutely not. I know better than to diagnose people before dessert. Plus, he’s a man, I don’t really get along with that group of people.”
Robby just laughs.
———————————————
Robby has found himself back at Emery’s house not even a week after their very enlightening talk. “Can I ask you something about your love life, Michael?” Kylie asks as she pulls the pan from the oven, being careful to place it on the cutting board, so the counters don’t get burned.
Robby takes a swig of his beer. “One, please call me Robby. Two, did you only invite me over and make lasagna to bribe me into talking?”
Kylie smiles “No. Of course not, I know how much you like lasagna. I invited you over so you would eat a real meal.”
“Lies.”
Kylie ignores him. “Robby, have you ever considered dating a friend? That’s the backbone of every good relationship.”
“You’ve been taking to Emery” Robby states plainly.
“Don’t give her sass, you asshole” Emery says squeezes Robby’s shoulder, until he is slapping her hands away. “Of course we talk, she’s my wife.”
Robby gives Emery a mocking closed mouth smile before turning to talk to Kylie. “Well, Kylie that’s a great idea, but I don’t really have friends”
Robby keeps the edge in his voice, Kylie has always taken Robby’s moods in stride. “Oh my god, Misha, stop acting like a sad sap.” Emery says slapping Robby in the shoulder. “Yes you do.”
“Who?” Robby asks deadpan.
Emery tilts her head. “Should I call Dana and Abbot right now and tell them that you don’t consider them friends?”
Robby sighs in defeat. “Yeah, they are friends, but not the kind Kylie is describing. Dana is married and Abbot is straight. Can’t date either of them. So who else is there?”
Emery scoffs. “If Abbot is straight then my gaydar is off.” She thinks for a minute. “I guess though, I didn’t clock you, so maybe I’m losing my touch.” She turns to Kylie, before Robby can respond. “Hey, did you know Robby was bi?”
Kylie smiles at her. “Yeah, babe. I’ve known since the day I met him. I even tried to set him up with the gym teacher from my school.”
“What the fuck! You never said anything.”
“Didn’t know I had to.” Kylie turns going back to cutting the baguette she is serving with dinner.
Robby draws Emery back into their conversation. “Jack is absolutely straight. He was married to a woman. For a long time. He was devastated when she passed.”
Emery waves him off.” That means jack shit. He was in the army, he couldn’t exactly talk about being with men while in the barracks.”
Robby is silent.
Emery decides to be the annoying younger sibling. “I find it interesting that I just say Abbot and you jump to Jack being the one I’m talking about.”
“We both knew who you were talking about.”
“Do we?”
“Yes.”
Emery leans against the counter across from Robby. “Fine. Maybe we do. Come on though, you’ve never wondered?”
“No.” Robby says instantly
“That was way too fast to be believable.” Kylie cuts into the conversation with.
Robby glares at her. “Not you too. He’s my best friend.”
Emery gestures to Kylie. “Kylie was my best friend first.”
“Yeah, but that’s different.”
Emery crosses her arms. “How so?”
“Because..” Robby cuts himself off. “Because it just is.”
Emery rolls her eyes. “You sound like a whiny toddler right now.”
Kylie watches the siblings. “Robby, do you trust him more than anyone else?”
“Yes.”
“You spend more time with him than anyone else.”
“Well, yeah. We work together, but I would argue I spend more time with you and Emmy than I do with him.”
“You know his coffee order by heart, Michael.”
“It’s just fucking black coffee. It isn’t that hard to remember it. Plus, I know yours and Kylie’s by heart too.”
“You once bought him a birthday present 6 months in advance because you saw it and it reminded you of him.”
Robby points at her accusingly. “You only know that Emery because you were with me. Also, you said it was a good idea to get it before it sold out.”
“I was fucking with you. That stupid tactical backpack never would have sold out.”
Kylie jumps in with her own example. “Sorry to gang-up on you, but you once called me to ask if I thought a sweater would bring out his eyes.”
“I didn’t say that.” Robby argues as he flushes.
“You 100% did.”
“All I said was blue looks good on him.”
Kylie laughs. “You said and I quote, this navy one will make his eyes look stupidly pretty. Maybe it will help him when it comes to finding a date.”
Robby buries his face in his hands. “I hate you both.”
Both women come around the counter and wrap their arms around him. “No you don’t.”
“I really do right now.”
Kylie lets go of Robby and goes to start plating dinner. Emery sits down next to him and lowers her voice. “When is the last time you were excited enough about a date that you told me about it?”
Robby is silent.
“Exactly. I can’t remember the last time you gushed about a date, but I can remember the last time Abbot did something trivial and you didn’t shut up about it for at least 3 business days.”
“Not true.” Robby grumbles.
Emery gives him a pointed look. “Abbot bought a blender. A fucking blender. I heard about that shit and all the smoothies he was making for 4 days straight. Every damn conversation we had for those 4 days somehow came back to Abbot and his smoothies. I would be talking about a book and you would say Abbot is going to save so much money when he goes to the bookstore now that he can make his own smoothies.”
Kylie places a plate in front of Robby. The steam coming off of the plate billows up and into his nostrils. He lets out a little hum of appreciation. “It’s true. That’s the week I was trying to plan a free clinic for my students and it was like pulling teeth to get you to focus on the clinic instead of Abbot’s blueberry banana smoothies.”
Robby groans. “Not you too, Kylie.”
“I’m just saying” Kylie says with a shrug, placing a plate down in front of Emery.
Robby takes a bite. “Jack deserves someone easier than me.” He mumbles, hoping no one heard him, but unfortunately he isn’t that lucky.
Emery’s expression softens immediately. “Oh, Misha.”
Robby waves her off. “And before you say anything, I know that’s a stupid thing to say.”
“It’s not stupid,” she says gently. “It’s sad.”
Robby laughs weakly. “That’s somehow worse.”
“You know what I think?” Emery starts.
“You’re gonna tell me anyways.” He grumbles.
“I think maybe you’ve spent so much time convincing yourself you’re difficult to love that you can’t recognize when someone already does.”
Robby doesn’t answer that and Emery notices he doesn’t deny it either.
————————————
Emery decides to take it upon herself to ‘fix’ Robby’s love life. She doesn’t really have a plan for how she is going to go about this, but she never really has a plan. You can’t when it comes to trauma surgery. You have to work on instincts and by the seat of your pants every day. She comes down to the ED to consult on a patient who she preformed an abdominal surgery on last week. When she comes out of the bay where the patient is sedated, she sees Abbot sitting at the hub, charting. “Abbot.” She says with a stern tone that gets all heads to turn her way. Abbot waves them off, as he watches her cross the space. The hub clears out, so it’s her and him. She sits down on the counter next to his keyboard.
“Walsh” He responds without looking away from the computer.
“Thoughts on my brother?”
“Robby?” He says with confusion as he looks away from his charting.
She glares at him. “I only have one, jackass”
He throws his hands up in surrender. “Damn, I was just checking. I see someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”
“Well, it was a dumb question, so of course I’m going to point that out. It’s you and me we’re talking about right now.” She says poking him in the shoulder. “Now answer my question, what are your thoughts on my brother.”
Jack looks up at the ceiling and hums as he thinks about her question. “Smart, stubborn, a damn good doctor, emotionally closed off, my best friend, a martyr to a fault…” He looks back at the younger doctor. “Do I need to keep going or did you get what you wanted?”
Emery looks at him point-blank. “Do you find him attractive?”
Jack startles and starts to choke on his water. His hacking has drawn the eyes of a few nurses that are back in the general vicinity. “What kind of fucking question is that?”
“The kind that I just asked you.” Emery says matter-of-factly.
Jack squints up at her. “Are you drunk right now? Do I need to call Robby?” Are you having a neurological event right now?”
“Just answer the question.”
Jack rubs a hand over his stubble. “I mean, he isn’t ugly, but he’s my best friend, sooooo”
“That wasn’t an answer Abbot. All it required was a yes or no.”
“It was an answer.”
“No. It was avoidance.”
“You sound like my therapist.
“I’ll take that as a compliment. You seem to really like that guy. ”
Jack just groans because why the fuck is Emery Walsh bothering him right now? It’s 3am, doesn’t she have better things to do. “Why the hell are you interrogating me in the middle of the department right now?”
“For my brother.”
Jack’s spine straightens. Is there something wrong with Robby? “What’s goin’ on with Robby?”
Emery tilts her head back and forth. “Well, he is painfully in love with this person, but is way too constipated emotionally to ever admit it, let alone realize he has feelings for this person.”
Jack snorts as he takes another sip of water. “Poor guy”
Emery lowers her voice a little. “Mhmm, he ever tell you about them?”
“No. He tends to tell me after something happens.” Jack looks at the ceiling as he tries to remember something. “Actually I don’t really remember the last time he told me about liking someone. He tell you who this woman is?”
“No. Also, who said anything about it being a woman.” Emery singsongs the end of her sentence.
That actually gets Jack cackling. “Robby? Into men? Please.”
“Apparently, he is bi.” Emery doesn’t mean to out her brother, but she is pretty sure it is safe and Jack probably won’t even believer her.
Jack doesn’t believe her. Surely this is something that Robby would have mentioned at some point. “If Robby goes for men then I am the king of England. He is the straightest man I have ever met.” Jack rubs a hand down his face. “Just because you are a proud member of the queer community, that doesn’t mean everyone else is.”
Emery just rolls her eyes. “I know that, jackass. What about you?”
“What about me what?”
“You go for men?”
Jack responds with the most nonchalant tone known to man. He clearly is having a neurological event if he is opening up to Emery fucking Walsh right now. “I mean, sometimes. I don’t really label what I am. I see a person that seems interesting and that I might get along with and then go from there.”
“Cool. Good to know my radar isn’t completely off.”
Jack waves her off. “Can we go back to Robby?”
“Sure.”
Jack shakes his head sympathetically. “It’s so Robby to not tell anyone anything. He would rather chew his own arm off than admit to having actually human feelings.”
“True.” Emery studies him carefully. “You know what’s funny though?”
“What?” Jack asks half distracted by the test results that just came in.
“The way he talks about this person sounds a lot like the way you talk about him.”
Jack stills for half a second. Just half a second. Then he laughs too loudly. “Absolutely not. Robby and I are never going to happen.”
Emery is about to respond when her phone dings. She pulls it from her pocket and stands. “Conversation isn’t over Abbot. Also, where is your optimism? Never say never.”
“My optimism got left in the desert next to my lower leg.” Jack calls after her.
Emery just laughs and heads onto the elevator. The conversation has left Jack kinda confused. Robby being bi? Robby going for men? There is no way.
————————————————
Jack spends the next week thinking about everything that Emery did and didn’t say. Her words replay in his mind over and over again. So much so, that his sleep is worse than it has ever been before. When he walks in to his nightshift, exactly 10 days after his random interrogation from Walsh, he instantly starts looking for Robby, like a moth drawn to a flame. The two men are attached at the hip. Besties if you will. Jack would give anything for Robby, even his own heart if it meant that Robby gets to go on with his life. Robby is a presence that anyone would be lucky to have in their life. Jack looks around the room as he enters the Pitt and crosses the space to get to the hub. “Evans, where is Robby?”
Dana looks up at the doctor over her glasses and raises one finger, pointing to the roof.
Jack gives her a small nod and then hustles to the elevators.
—————————————
Jack damn near plows through the door and stops on the spot when he sees Robby across the roof from the access door. “Robby, you’re back in my spot and on the wrong side of the railing? What’s goin’ on? Bad shift?”
Robby huffs out some air. “Who’s to say what is the right and wrong side?” Robby mumbles.
Jack continues to cross the roof at a very slow rate. He doesn’t want to spook Robby. “Uhm, I would say that if you can take 2 steps and end up with your brain splattered across the cement, you are on the wrong side of the railing.”
Robby lets out a deep sigh as he hears the telltale clicking of Jack’s steps getting closer. “Relax Jack, I’m not going to do anything.”
Jack’s voice comes from closer. “Good. Where you go, I go. So if you jump over the edge, I’m following you.”
“It’s not worth it, man. Don’t suffer the same fate as me.”
Jack is now directly behind Robby, the front of his shoulder presses to Robby’s back. “Talk to me, brother.” His voice is practically directly in Robby’s ear, causing the taller man to shiver.
“Lost a kid.”
Ahh that would do it. Losing a kid always sends Robby into a downward spiral, in the same way losing a vet does to Jack. “Makes sense that you are up here. Can you come back to the safe side?” Jack isn’t really asking and they both know that, but he tries to keep his tone light, so Robby doesn’t freakout.
“Don’ wanna”
“I know, but can you do it anyways?”
Robby doesn’t tend to say no to Jack, which is why after a few minutes of silence, he is crouching back through the railing. Once he is safely back on the correct side of the ledge, Jack pulls him into a tight hug. “I’m off tomorrow, how about you come over and we can drink beer, watch a movie, and talk. I got a few things I want to talk to you about.”
Robby opens and closes his mouth, getting cut off by Jack.
“You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but still come over. I haven’t seen you in a while. You’ve been spending all your time with Walsh.”
That gets a small smile to form on Robby’s face. “You jealous of my little sister?”
Jack huffs out a short laugh. “Jealous of Walsh? Absolutely not!”
“Whatever you say, I guess we will just have to agree to disagree.” Robby starts to shift back and forth on his heels as he wrings his hands together. “Thanks.... for coming up here and for always being on my side.”
Jack pats him on the shoulder. “Of course, man. I’ll always be here.” Jack takes a step back and claps his hands together. “Now, some of have a shift to get to, so let’s do handoff, so you can go home shower, eat, and sleep.”
“Won’t sleep” Robby retorts.
“You can at least try.”
Robby gives him a small nod and the two men head back down to the Pitt.
———————————————————————————
The next night arrives and it honestly feels like a whole lifetime has passed. Robby is nervous about Jack asking about the peds case from the day before and Jack is worried about bringing up the conversation he had with Walsh. Robby arrives, looking like a lamb being led to the slaughter. When Jack opens the door, his face instantly drops. “You look like shit, brother.”
Thanks for the compliment, man. I didn’t really sleep.”
“I can see that.” Jack moves out of the way, refraining from physically dragging Robby into the house. “Come inside. My couch is far more comfortable than my porch.”
That earns a small smile from Robby, who enters and heads straight to the living room. He plops down on the couch, stating to dissociate as he stares straight ahead at the wall. He doesn’t even hear Jack go into the kitchen to grab beers, the sound of the fridge opening and closing doesn’t break him from his spell. What finally gets him out of his head is Jack pressing the cold beer to the back of his neck.
Robby jolts a little. “What the fuck!”
“You were in your head and somewhere else, felt like the quickest way to get you back. Extreme temperatures tend to do the trick.”
Robby doesn’t respond, just takes the offered beer from Jack’s outstretched hand. Jack sits down next to him. Their shoulders press together automatically. It’s familiar. Easy, even. It’s also dangerous now that Emery has planted seeds in Jack’s head that won’t die. They have taken root in his brain. They sit like that for a few minutes as some TV shows plays. Jack finally clears his throat.
Fuck, here we go, is all Robby can think.
“Are we idiots?” Jack asks as he stares at the TV not even turning to look at Robby. He takes a swig of his beer after he is done asking his question.
That throws Robby for a loop, he wasn’t expecting that. Robby looks over at Jack, whose eyes remain on the screen. “Probably, but what are you referring to right now?
Jack turns a little, so he can look at Robby and gauge his reaction. “Emery said something.”
Robby tilts his head in confusion. “Okay. She says a lot of things. Things you don’t really listen to. Like ever.”
“Yeah, but this was about you.”
“Okayyy” Robby tenses a little. “Was it anything interesting?”
“Depends on your definition of interesting when it comes to your sister.”
Robby groans. “Jack, just tell me.”
Jack takes a swig of beer, trying to find the courage he always has, but it seems that in this moment, it has been drained from him. “She said you go for men sometimes.”
“She’s not wrong.”
Jack startles. “How did I not know this about you? I’m your best friend. You always tell me about your dates.” Jack considers it for a second. “Well, I guess some of your dates.”
Robby turns. “I know you were raised in a pretty strict house and were in the army. You are alarmingly straight and I didn’t want to ruin the friendship by telling you I go for men sometimes. It’s always what happens, the gay friend comes out to the straight friend and the straight friend feels the need to remind the other that they are straight and will never go for them. The friendship is never the same after that. I wanted to save our friendship. I can’t lose you, it would destroy me.”
“Robby, I’m not some asshole who can’t accept their friend being queer.” Jack takes a sip of beer. “Plus, I’m not as alarmingly straight as you think.”
That gets Robby choking on his beer. “Wh..what?”
“Yeah, I date guys. I date women. I date people who identify as neither. I date someone for their personality not what’s in their pants.”
“How did I never know this?”
“Thought you did. Didn’t think I needed to tell you, but I guess we both have some communication skills to work on.”
“It would seem so.”
They stay silent for a few more minutes, before Robby talks again. “In the spirit of honesty, Emery also talked to me about you?”
“Oh yeah” Jack is trying to seem nonchalant. “What about?”
“She thinks I’m in love with you.”
Jack’s entire body goes still. His hand lowers the beer bottle away from his mouth and back onto the table, where there is less of a risk of him dropping it.
Robby looks over at him after there is no response. His eyes guarded behind his glasses that he has finally started to wear outside of the hospital and his own home. He has contacts, but it feels unnecessary to go poking his ow eyes when he can just wear the glasses. Plus, it’s Jack who he knows won’t judge his horrible frame choice. “You don’t have to say anything.”
Jack clears his throat. “That’s gonna be difficult considering I forgot how to breathe.”
That earns him a startled laugh.
Jack rubs both hands over his face. “Okay. Uh. Wow.”
“Yeah.”
“And what do you think?”
Robby’s jaw tightens. “I think Emery gets into my head too easily.”
“That’s not an answer.” Jack pushes.
Robby shoots him a look. “Funny. That’s exactly what she said.”
Jack smiles despite himself, but it fades quickly. “Rob.”
That tone does something dangerous to Robby’s chest. Soft. Careful. Like Jack’s handling something fragile. Him.
Robby looks back down at the beer in his hand. “I don’t know,” he admits quietly. “I know that you’re the first person I want to talk to after every shift. I know you can tell what kind of day I’ve had just by how I close a patient chart. I know that when something good happens, you’re the person I look for first. I look forward to shared nights off where I get to shoot the shit with you. I find things that remind me of you and have to fight the urge to send pictures.”
Jack doesn’t move. Doesn’t breathe.
“And I know,” Robby continues, voice rough now, “that every date I’ve gone on for the last year has failed because at some point I start comparing them to you. It’s always they don’t laugh like Jack. They aren’t as friendly as Jack. They are more judging than Jack. It’s always how do they compare to my best friend.”
Jack’s heart nearly stops.
Robby laughs weakly. “Which sounds insane when I say it out loud. Like how did I think that was normal.”
“No,” Jack says immediately. “No, it doesn’t sound insane.”
Robby looks at him again. Jack has seen Robby exhausted, furious, heartbroken, grieving, drunk, concussed, sleep deprived, bleeding. He has never seen him look this vulnerable.
“I don’t know what this is” Robby whispers. “And honestly? That scares the shit out of me.”
Jack swallows hard.
“Because if this goes wrong,” Robby says, eyes shining now, “I lose my best friend.”
Jack’s chest physically aches. “You’re not gonna lose me.” He quickly says, grabbing both of Robby’s hands.
“You can’t promise that.” Robby mumbles, not making eye contact with the other man.
“Yes, I can.”
Robby shakes his head. “Jack…”
“No.” Jack turns fully toward him now and drops a hand so he can raise Robby’s chin. He wants eye contact for this. Once that is establish he goes back to holding both of Robby’s hands. “You listen to me for once.”
Robby actually falls silent. What Jack asks for, Jack gets.
“I have loved you for so long,” Jack says softly, like the truth has finally exhausted him. “So long that I genuinely don’t remember when it stopped being platonic.”
Robby stares at him.
“What?”
Jack laughs nervously. “Yeah. That’s apparently a thing I’ve been repressing. It comes up in therapy, but I just thought we were like really really close friends. That was until Emery enlightened me to the fact that you would date a man and point blank asked about my feelings on you.”
“You……..”
“I tried dating other people too, after my wife. You know that.” Jack admits. “And every single time something happened and my first thought was I need to tell Robby. Or I’d hear a joke and think Robby would laugh at this. Or I’d have a shitty day and realize the only person I wanted around was you. There were meals that I didn’t want to eat on a date because I wanted to try them with you. Stores turned into me just finding items you would like or things that reminded me of you. All my stories had you as a key character. Dates started to ask about you more and more. One wanted to meet you and I said no because you are mine and when that relationship inevitably ended I wanted you all to myself.”
Robby’s eyes are suspiciously wet now.
Jack smiles a little sadly. “Emery asked me if I found you attractive and I almost had a heart attack.”
That pulls a startled laugh out of Robby.
“Seriously,” Jack continues. “I sounded insane. I was like well he’s not ugly….”
“You asshole.”
“…….as if I don’t look at you sometimes and completely lose my train of thought. Plus, she caught me all vulnerable at the hub when I was trying to chart.”
Robby makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat.
Jack’s smile softens. “See? That. That right there. You do that little flustered thing and I forget basic human function.”
“You’re being weirdly smooth right now.”
“I’m panicking actually.”
“Okay, good. Me too.”
They both laugh then. Quiet and shaky and overwhelmed.
Robby wipes at his eyes behind his glasses. “I can’t believe Emery was right.”
“Oh, I can. She’s terrifying and infuriating. Makes her a good surgeon, but a hard person to get to know.”
“She’s never gonna let us live this down.”
“Absolutely not.”
The laughter fades slowly. Jack cautiously adjusts their hands, giving Robby plenty of time to pull away, and hooks their pinkies together. The same way Emery does.
Robby looks down at their hands, then back at Jack. “You really mean it?” he asks quietly.
Jack’s expression softens completely. “Rob, I think I’ve been halfway in love with you since you yelled at me for skipping lunch after that 6 car MVC.”
“That was eight years ago.”
“Yeah. Exactly.”
Robby laughs, wet and disbelieving. “Jesus.”
Jack squeezes his pinky gently. “So what do we do now?”
Robby thinks about it for a second. Then he leans over and rests his head on Jack’s shoulder. Small. Tentative. Terrifying in its trust. Jack immediately melts.
“We take it slow ” Robby murmurs. “I don’t wanna ruin this.”
Jack presses his cheek lightly against the top of Robby’s head. “You won’t.”
“How do you know?”
“Because,” Jack says softly, “this has always been the best thing in my life.”
“Same here, brother.”
Jack relishes in Robby’s body pressed up against him. “Can I at least kiss you or is that not moving slow enough.”
Robby laughs and tilts his head, so he is looking up at Jack. “Yes, Jack. You can kiss me.”
Jack doesn’t even let the sentence sit in the air for 5 seconds before he is crashing their lips together. He runs his tongue along Robby’s bottom lip, immediately being given access. The kiss goes on for a few minutes, until both let the need for oxygen win out.
Robby is panting, trying to get oxygen back to his brain. His lips are red and swollen, clear evidence of just how intense the kiss was. “We are never telling Emery that she is the reason we are together.”
“Deal.” Jack says with a smile because why in the world would he willing ever want to tell Emery she is correct. She will just be smug for days if that happens.
Robby closes the space again and presses his mouth back to Jack’s actively trying to steal air from the man’s lungs.