Chapter Text
I was not nervous. Y’know, on account of being the most eligible bachelorette in all of Canaan University. I was the superstar rookie of the basketball team, toned like the body of those movie Spartans and I had roughly 57% of all the boys and 78% of all the girls I met fall in love with me on sight. There was absolutely no way that I could possibly be nervous.
Especially not when I was visiting my friend Harrow. My best friend Harrow. My friend Harrow who made me feel things I didn’t want to admit to anyone, even my journal (which is NOT a diary because diaries are for little girls and I’m a big strong independent woman who just needs to let her feelings out a little, okay?).
That Harrow.
I knocked on her door and was let in by one of the blonde twins. They were both older than us (obviously, on account of being twins they were the same age, which was, as previously mentioned, older than us), but because Harrow was such a smarty pants genius, she had gotten fast tracked into a master’s program at the fresh young age of 19 so she decided to get a room with people who were doing the same course as her. Something about “experiencing living alone” although I suspected she wanted to get away from her cult leader, oh sorry, ‘holy spiritual leader’ parents.
I suppose I shouldn’t say anything. I was raised by the same community but at least I had some interaction with the internet and the outside world. She really did deserve some freedom.
Meanwhile, I was barely scraping by my architecture degree with my basketball scholarship. I was hoping that getting into the WNBA would help the money situation but for now I was making just enough to live comfortably as a security guard on campus. Unfortunately, I’d gotten mixed up in a “situation” that took my spine out for a year leading me to unfortunately not captain the team already but at least I was playing again. The world wasn’t ready for the prodigy that was Gideon top scorer Nav, the unnatural talent that brought the little community school I went to on the commune to the national level.
“How’s it hanging, Giddy?”, said Ianthe, dispassionately.
“Thickly and muscularly as usual.” I replied, causing her to snort.
We had hung out enough times while Harrow was busy in her room that I had formed something of a friendship with her.
“How’s she doing today?” I inquired, hoping to gauge the vibe before answering the summons fully.
“Terrible mood if you ask me,” came the reply, “I think she’s even madder about the Coronabeth incident than I am.”
“Oof, message received loud and clear. Do not flirt with your sister. Got it. But like, you I get considering the incestuous relationship you have with her” (she elbowed me at gut at this) “but why her? What’s got her panties in a twist?”
“No clue, but I hope you understand that this is the worst mood I’ve seen her in since we met and she’s famous for her shitty moods so be careful. I don’t want to have to carry you out in a body bag.” Ianthe said, somehow even more dispassionately which I didn’t think was possible.
“Thanks for the assist, ‘friend’” I replied, “I do appreciate how much you care about me.”
“Don’t get cocky, Giddy.” Ianthe moved her attention back to her massive textbook. “I’m a biochem student and so is she. We cover how to get rid of bodies during the first year of our undergrad and we are the scholarship masters students. If you fuck up like this again, your remains will never be found. Now shoo,” she waved me away like I was some sort of fly.
I knocked on Harrow’s door which was covered in yellow tape reading “DO NOT ENTER” in official looking block letters. Definitely a holdover from our childhood together where she would have her “experiments room” where I wasn’t allowed. Considering this was the only room she had now, she had begrudgingly allowed me to enter.
She opened the door, dressed in all black as usual. She was absolutely tiny, coming up to just under my pecs but the furious glare and her sheer energy made her feel like she was towering over me somehow. She looked around as if checking that no one was watching and pulled me in with a hiss that sounded suspiciously like “Get in!”
With a surprising amount of energy for such a small girl she pulled me into her room and pushed me onto the bed.
“What the hell were you doing with Corona?”
Corona, or rather, Coronabeth, was one of the aforementioned twins. The hot one that is. Not the one that opened the door for me. That was the mean one, Ianthe. I had also, as afore-mentioned, made the oh-so-terrible mistake of hitting on her. For what it’s worth, she seemed charmed. Also, as afore-mentioned (hey this afore guy is really useful, huh?) everyone was mad about it for some reason.
“I just said she looked cute in that skirt. Nothing more.”
“Oh, I see. Nothing more of course.”
Her sullen look immediately told me I’d made a mistake.
“Okay look I’m sorry. I didn’t know that it was such a big deal, okay? If I’d known everyone would get so upset about it I’d have done literally anything else.”
“No, because you seem to have a habit of flirting with my classmates, Griddle.”
Griddle was her personal nickname for me. Only Harrowhark Nonagesimus was allowed to use it. Which is why afore would tell you that Ianthe had called me Giddy. Frankly I preferred Giddy. Griddle always contained a slight tone of malice, like I was going to be roasted on a spit over some sort of campfire. Harrow’s eyes when she said it didn’t particularly help with that.
“What Dulcie and I had was only temporary, okay?” I said, somewhat defensively.
“Dulcie? You’re calling Dulcinea Septimus Dulcie?!” said Harrow. The hiss in her voice was back and I didn’t like it.
“She asked me to call her that! Besides, nothing ever really… happened… between us.”
“And what, pray tell, is that supposed to mean?”
I was getting a lump in my throat at this point. This girl half my size and about a third of my body weight just seemed to activate some visceral part of my brain that screamed ‘Danger! Danger!’ whenever she got mad.
“I mean I didn’t touch her. I didn’t even hold her hand. I just, y’know, lightly flirted with her. While I was training her. While she was getting ready for- “
“While she was half naked? And wearing skintight clothing? How am I supposed to know you two didn’t sneak off into the showers and do some…” her face was contorting into some genuinely frightening shapes now, “something more?”
“Are you afraid I was having sex with your classmate, Harrow?” I asked, gently. She seemed genuinely downcast just then.
“I just don’t understand,” she countered, always on the offensive, “you were never like this before you came here. All you used to do when we were kids was following me around but ever since you came here with me, you’ve becomes such a.. a…” she was genuinely struggling for words at this point.
“A lesbian?” I offered, politely.
“A slut.” The word slid out of her throat with as much venom as she could muster. Which was quite a lot.
“Hey, it’s not my fault you can’t pull like I do. Maybe if you spent some time in the gym instead of with your musty ass tomes, you’d get some girls too. I mean you’re like…”
Before I could finish that thought she flopped onto me, just like she had been doing for the past five years, since I’d started to grow significantly bigger than her. Even with her head nestled between my boobs, I could cover her entirely. I hugged her instinctively. As usual. She looked up, as if trying to find the right words.
“Look.” Her voice was surprisingly gentle. “I just… don’t like the idea of you hanging out with these other girls especially since we are technically competing to see which one of us finishes our doctorate first. I’m scared that they’ll use you somehow. Use the fact that I care about you to steal my research.”
“Wait, but aren’t you doing entirely different theses? I thought you were doing something ‘osseous’? and Corona and Ianthe were working together on their ‘skin’ project? And Dulcie-
“Dulcinea Septimus”, she interrupted.
“Fine. Dulcinea Septimus was doing something with the cancer research? She tried to explain it to me once but I couldn’t quite wrap my head around it.”
“That’s not the point, Griddle. Everything is connected. All of our research is interconnected and any advantage is important, especially if you know the specifics of the others’ research.”
“Doesn’t that mean you all could work together pretty easily and solve all of these issues together at the same time? I mean, think of the good it would do to humanity?”
This earned me a withering look. If her hands weren’t still on my chest and her face not still buried in my pecs, I’d almost think she was mad at me again.
“It’s not about some inane abstract goodness of humanity, Griddle. This is about success and getting ahead. Right now, I’m behind the twins but ahead of Septimus and I am not about to let her use you to get ahead of me.”
Laying there with Harrow on my torso was such a comfortable experience that I couldn’t do anything but nod and say “Mhm.”
Eventually, I found the words to say, “You mean like how you used to use me?”
Her quizzical look prompted me to continue. “You do know that you were really mean to me when we were younger right? You told me that because I was just a commune baby and you were the Reverend Daughter, I had to follow all your orders.”
A blush spread across her brown cheeks. “That’s… that’s not true. I was literally always nice to you.”
“All I ever did was follow you around, carry your stuff and let you do weird things to my body. Remember that time you nearly broke my arm trying to see how far the bone would bend?”
She was blushing furiously now. “That was just one time! Besides, you wouldn’t deny a budding scientist her first few experiments, would you?”
“I suppose I wouldn’t.”
“Ugh, whatever. You’re such a bitch, Griddle. All you do is flirt with my classmates, look handsome and walk around as if you own the place and all the women in it.”
“Hey, I don’t own you. Besides, don’t you have your boyfriend to keep you occupied nowadays?”
She shot up at this, which startled me into sitting up as well.
“What the hell do you mean boyfriend?”
“Ortus. Y’know, the guy you spend all your time with nowadays? Isn’t he your boyfriend? Frankly I was kinda sad that you didn’t tell me you were dating before jumping straight into spending all your time together. I’m shocked. Appalled. One might even say that started my descent into my lesbian sluttiness.”
“First of all, I think your descent into lesbian sluttiness was decided when we caught you with that copy of Frontline Titties of the Fifth back in middle school. Secondly, Ortus? My boyfriend?? Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. That man is just my lab assistant. He’s even lesser of a grunt than you were Griddle. At least you had something of a brain. And your carrying capacity is much larger than his.”
I was so shocked at this revelation that I didn’t even acknowledge the rare compliment.
“What the hell do you mean you aren’t dating Ortus? So, you’re just walking around like that, single? How has no on wifed you up yet?”
“Wifed me up? What nonsense. I’m busy. Far too busy to even take much of a break. Which is what this is so you better be grateful I’m spending my rare break on you. Also, we are getting distracted. I’ll be blunt. I want you to stop being such a lesbian slut.”
“But why?” I whined. “It’s so much fun. How will the older women at my workplace react? You know they squeeze my muscles everyday right? Are you really going to deny them that right?”
“Yes,” Harrow replied, self-assuredly, “yes I would. Besides, what do you even hope to achieve with your lesbian sluttiness anyways?”
I shifted uncomfortably at this. I’d never thought there had to be an endgame for the kind of flirting I did. It was mostly just for fun anyways. “I don’t know…” I admitted. “I just feel a little weird being single all this time. I’m twenty years old now and I haven’t even kissed anyone.”
“Big deal,” said Harrow, dismissively, “Neither have I and I’m doing fine.”
“Yeah, but like… you’re you. You only care about the books and the experiments and the approval from your Professor Gay-ass.”
“Gaius.”
“Whatever. My point is that I want to live my life. I want to experience things. I want to kiss a pretty girl under the moonlight.”
Harrow was silent for a while. Then she stood up and pulled me up with her.
“Fine. I think I have a solution for this problem.” She sighed. “Here I go, solving all your problems again…” she muttered under her breath, though audible enough that I could hear.
Harrow dragged me upstairs to the dusty attic of the house where a latch opened up to the roof. Finally, when we were on the roof proper, with no one but the moon in sight, she turned to me and said the words I never expected her to say.
“Kiss me.”
“What the fuck?” I nearly fell backwards as I scrambled away a little. Was she possessed by a ghost? She spent enough time alone in the dark she might as well be.
“Oh, am I that repulsive to you, Griddle?” she said, sounding kinda angry now. “Fine, you don’t have to.”
“Wait wait, what the hell is going on? Why are you suddenly asking me to kiss you? I’m so confused.”
“Confusion is like your natural state Griddle, but if you simply must know, I figured it was best for you to take out your sexual frustrations on me instead of sleeping around campus and catching Jod-knows-what diseases from my fellow biochem colleagues. Seriously how are you not put off by them they’re rancid.”
“Okay, first of all rude? Secondly, are you sure? Look I know I said I wanted to kiss a girl under the moonlight but like… you’re you. And I’m me.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m being so generous giving you a chance.”
“Oh, my Jod, not like that. I meant that we practically grew up together and we have known each other since we were kids. Isn’t this… kinda… incestuous?”
“Look Griddle. I’m not happy about this either. But it’s the only way to solve your problem that I’d be happy with okay? So, either kiss me or leave, either way you can’t flirt with my colleagues anymore, got it?”
“I think I might need to leave. I mean, if your family found out they’d kill me. Hell, your professor is basically like a dad to you he might also kill me.”
I got up to leave but she pushed me down onto the cold tiles of the roof before straddling me.
“Why do you care so much about my family?” she said. A cloud passed over the moon just then but I swear I could make out a tear in the corner of her eye.
“Why do you care so much about my colleagues?” she continued, seemingly unaffected. “Why do you care about my professor, or Septimus or the Tridentarii, or the older women at your workplace? They aren’t here right now. No one is here right now except you and me. So, what do I…” she faltered, before continuing, “what do I need to do to make you care about me too?”
I tried to find my words but they seemed to be scattered somewhere between here and Pluto. Words were impossible for me. But where words failed, my body, unflinching as ever, responded.
I rolled over so she was on her back. Her small stature made me feel unnaturally larger than I was. The moon came out from behind the cloud and shone on her tear streaks, across her cheeks. She looked tiny underneath me, smaller than she had ever felt.
Her lips were trembling.
I leaned down.
Under the moonlight, for the very first time in the two decades of my existence, I kissed a girl.
I, Gideon Nav, kissed a girl.
The girl just so happened to be Harrowhark Nonagesimus, the girl I had lived with since I was ten.
The girl who made me do all her grunt work and carry around her materials for bullshit experiments.
The girl who I had had a crush on for the longest time but never felt quite like I could vocalise it.
That girl.
I kissed that Harrow.
For what it’s worth, she seemed to like it. Her arms snaked up to my chest and she leaned into the kiss, arching her back. I put my arms under her and pulled her into me, pulling us both up to a sitting position. We sat like that for what felt like both an eternity and just a couple of seconds. It made me so, so hungry for more. I could spend the rest of my life chasing the high of her lips on mine.
We pulled apart only for a second. Then we were back at it again, this time, more ferocious than before somehow. She pushed into me, parting my lips with her tongue. Our tongues met. I moaned into her, quietly. She seemed to take this as a sign to be more aggressive and pushed me backwards. Backwards onto the already slanting roof.
So yeah I fell two storeys and was saved from a career threatening injury by the rosebushes that Ianthe was growing and carefully curating into having multicoloured petals. Needless to say, I got quite a thrashing for that from both twins. Harrow, for her part, seemed mighty pleased with herself and seemed to be in the best mood I’d ever seen her in, even including the first time we kissed.
And that, Nona, is how I started dating your mother. Oh, and if she asks? I didn’t describe the gratuitous kissing scene, okay? Now run along and let me get back to my practise session.