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The cool mountain air caressed Lihan's skin as he sat upon the corpse of an azure wyvern. He and his party had been hunting the lesser draconic for a good amount of time, and it had almost slipped past them a couple of times, too. Still, they managed to find and defeat the draconian, though Lihan did get dragged to the top of the mountain before giving the killing blow.
Lihan breathed, closing his eyes and letting his thoughts drift. It has been years since the incident. How angry he was, and in truth, he still is. Climbing the ranks to A wasn't easy; it almost cost him his life for a good amount of time.
And to be honest, he would do it all again if it meant meeting her all over again.
Suddenly, the sound of rapid footsteps broke the silence, "Gods, you had me worried. Thought the Wyvern tried to take you to the gates with it." The pugilist breathed a sigh of relief before replacing it with a chuckle, "Then again, I should've known how tough my senpai is."
Lihan didn't respond; his thoughts drifted into his memories. He didn't even notice when she walked closer to him. But he did notice when her hands caressed his face.
He opened his eyes and met the beautiful sight of a woman with red hair, muted teal eyes, and porcelain skin. Despite her profession as a hand-to-hand fighter, her hands felt soft and smooth across the warrior's face.
"There you are." She smiled, which made Lihan turn away, blushing with embarrassment. The fighter giggled at his reaction. Even after all the times they traveled and had alone time together, Lihan is still embarrassed by her teasing.
"S-sorry, Rin, I was lost in thought." Lihan stuttered, which only made him blush harder.
"That's fine, as long as you're alright." Rin stretched before falling onto the warrior's lap, "Unless, you're thinking about other girls?"
"I'm not! I promise, Rin." Lihan had almost forgotten how possessive she could be. He remembered the last time there was an elf flirting with him, and he could see Rin ready to snap either his or the elf's neck. He turned her down, mainly because he was already in a relationship, but also worried Rin might kill her.
Still, it's weirdly felt nice, having someone who could, no, would always be there for you, especially after all that happened in the Azure Fireflies.
"Rin,"
"Hm?"
"Am I enough for you?" Lihan's voice came out shaky; it carried a weight that was hesitant to fall.
Rin quirked an eyebrow, "What do you mean? If this is about your kink, I said I don't-"
"No, it's not about that. Well, it is but-" Lihan groaned in frustration.
Rin took Lihan's armored hands into hers, "Hey, calm down and take a deep breath, ok? I'm right here."
A long silence overtook the mountain as Lihan reorganized his thoughts. The heat burning inside him like a furnace slowly simmered down, but the pain in his heart remained. But he needed to get this parasite out of the way.
Or his fears will come true.
"I never told you about what happened. Why I can't take lead, why I look out in the distance a lot, or why I was in a C-rank party when I was B at the time."
Rin nodded. She remembered how they first met, and how badly everything went, and how he got that scar across his eye.
"B-Before I joined, I was part of an S-rank party."
Rin's eyes widened, "Really! You were in a S-rank party!?"
"Y-yeah."
"No wonder you're so strong," Rin giggled like a schoolgirl before cupping Lihans face, "So, tell me, senpai, which S-rank party were you in? Maybe the Crimson Stags, the Royal Banshees, or maybe the Rosewood Wolves. I mean, you do have the good looks for the Rosewoods."
Lihan blushed again, but this time he didn't look away, "No I was part of the Azure Fireflies."
Rin's smile dropped when she heard their name, "Oh, that was the one with Ashe and Rei, right? Didn't they get into some dissension recently?"
"M-maybe? I wouldn't know." Lihan didn't keep up with any of them after he left. He wanted as much distance from them as possible and to forget whatever happened, even if it may be impossible.
"Well, what happened? Did you get into an argument or something?"
"Something like that." Lihan took a deep breath before continuing, "When I was in the Azure Fireflies, I'll admit I was pretty brash and a bit overconfident, considering I was a B-class. That confidence didn't do me much good since I'm pretty bad in a fight, even against simple goblins." Lihan smiled at the memory.
He could never predict a monster's movements back then. Some were too wild, or he overthought what they'd be doing. It was a nostalgic thought, though most of those almost got him killed.
Rin smiled at her boyfriend's face. He'd always smiled when he was close to her, but those smiles carried baggage behind them. Seeing a wistful one on him warmed her.
"Until Philip came." Lihan's smile fell as "his" name left the warrior's mouth. Each word dripped with poison as Lihan gritted his teeth, "I got injured after fighting a Reaper Bat, a sprained wrist, and had to sit out for a while."
A snicker cut through Lihan's growing aggression. He looked at Rin, who was trying to hold in her laughter. "You got a sprain from fighting a Reaper Bat?"
"Ye-yeah."
"I mean, I'm sorry. Considering how feral those monsters are, and you came out with a sprain, I think those two were babying you a bit."
Lihan opened his mouth to retort, but when he thought back to it, they were babying him too much. Ashe was always quick to heal him, and Rei was quick to give some encouragement. When he got a single injury, no matter how minor, they clamored around to make sure he was fine.
He didn't really grow when he was with them.
"I guess you're right on that." Lihan smiled.
"Always am," Rin kissed Lihan on the cheek, "Now continue, it's getting chilly up here."
"Oh, right," Lihan cleared his throat before continuing, "After I got that injury, the guild receptionist suggested we get another party member. Philip was pretty perverted from the beginning. Constantly grabby with Ashe, making sexual comments, all that stuff."
Lihan fell silent. No emotion crossed his face for minutes, but before Rin could say something to snap Lihan back to reality, he finally spoke.
"But he was better than me."
Lihan went silent once more; the tension in the mountaintop felt heavy, violent almost, yet Rin couldn't help but see what all those emotions hid.
Pain.
"He was a better fighter than I. More confident, more skilled, more... more..." Lihan's voice became more shaky, gripping his gauntlets so tightly that he may bend the metal. "He was everything I wasn't. I tried. I truly tried to meet those expectations, but I just couldn't, no matter how hard I tried. Every fight was a loss for me, every corner was just another failure while Philip stood at the top of everyone."
Lihan gritted his teeth, his heart burned with a disgusting pain, but he continued, "It was useless. I was useless. Rei and Ashe took Philip's side; hell, even the receptionist did. They called me a burden, a failure, so many things. Then I was kicked out, without a shred of remorse, while they had sex in front of me."
Silence fell again; only the howling cold would break the stillness.
Rin only stared at Lihan. His expression looked so angry, so sad.
So tired.
At least she now understood why he woke up startled, why he was avoiding certain topics, why he got aggressive when someone tried to flirt with her, and why he held her so tightly.
It's trauma, and unfortunately, it's disguising itself as a fetish.
"I felt like a failure. I just felt lost for so long. In truth, I didn't even join your past party to help you guys out." Lihan looked at Rin in her eyes. That dim spark disappeared in his eyes, only leaving a hollow husk, "I was there to kill myself."
Rin's eyes widened as she immediately sat up, "Lihan...you-"
"I couldn't do it myself, I didn't have the courage." Lihan's voice was devoid of all emotion, a discarded, broken shell of its former self, "Since I'm so bad a combat I hoped a monster would get lucky and kill me there."
"...So, what changed?"
Lihan didn't speak at first. Images of the C-ranks getting through the mission with ease, only for an A-rank monster to show up. Everyone ran or died, all except him and-
"You."
"Huh?"
"I don't know how to explain it. When the A-rank showed up, I was ready to die there, but seeing the monster right there, and you were left behind, my body just moved on its own. I gave up on everything, and yet-"
"You still wanted to protect people." Rin crouched down, cupped his face, and kissed Lihan's forehead.
"I'm sorry," Lihan averted his eyes, "It was a selfish decision that could've put everyone in danger."
"Well, we were already in danger, with or without your suicide quest. But listen to me, Lihan," Rin closed in and hugged him, "To me, you're none of those. Not a failure, not a burden, you're none of those things."
"I know but-"
"No, you don't know. To me, you're that person who stood up to a strong monster despite the odds. You're the person who is so strong, yet so kind. You're the type of person to put others first instead of yourself." Rin looked into Lihan's eyes with a soft smile, "Had you not been there, I would've died."
"It was those A-ranks that killed it."
"But who distracted it long enough for those A-ranks to kill it?" Rin traced her finger on Lihan's eye scar, "You saved me, and the more time I spend with you, the more I fall in love with you. You're so strong, and yet, you don't even know it. I mean, we just killed a Wyvern, that Lihan in the past couldn't do that."
Lihan looked at the dead Wyvern, its draconic blood still fresh red due to the magical properties. Still, he hadn't realized how much he had grown since then. He had difficulties telegraphing monsters, and now, it was a sixth sense for him.
"I know you're constantly worried and protective of me. You think Philip will show up one day and repeat what he did to those two and do it to me. But love, you know I'm not a fragile doll, you know I can take care of myself. And if anything does happen I know you'll be there to save me."
"I-I will! It's just what if-" Rin interrupted the warrior with a deep kiss. They hugged each other, warmth spreading across their bodies, only breaking up the kiss to gain air.
"You are the one and only person I love. If you ever left the guild, ever left these lands, I would follow. You are my one and only, Lihan, and nothing will change that."
They locked lips again, this time, longer; neither of them wanted to leave the other. Unfortunately, they both needed air, so they parted once more.
"Thank you, Lihan, for sharing with me."
"And thank you, Rin, for being there for me."
They gave one last hug and kiss to each other before getting off the Wyvern's body.
"Now, let's report to the guild. Unless, you have something else to tell me?"
"Uh," Lihan wasn't sure if he wanted to share this information with his girlfriend. She reacted positively to his storytelling, so maybe?
"When I was in the Azure Fireflies, my first time was with Rei."
Rin stared at Lihan, not replying to what he just said. The long silence unnerved the warrior and made him regret ever saying anything. He then tried to say that he was joking until Rin spoke.
"So I wasn't your first time."
"Yes, no, actually you are but not-"
"Don't worry, as told by your story, it didn't work out between the two of you."
"Yeah, it didn't."
"However," Rin wrapped her arms around Lihan's neck and whispered in his ear, "I'm going to make sure you forget all about her when we get back. And don't worry, you'll be taking the lead." Then planted a kiss on his blushing cheek.