Chapter Text
Gordon’s bedroom is dark. Blackout curtains block out everything except for the smallest sliver of dim light peeking around the edges and through the gap between them. It carves a line across the room- a quiet but sharp divide between his bed and his computer desk.
The clock on his nightstand reads 2:54am.
Gordon isn’t here right now, and he hasn’t been for a couple days. A well-earned short hiatus from streaming means the house is entirely empty as Gordon gleefully takes a vacation down to see his family for a week.
His desk is littered with streaming equipment; his stream deck and keyboard are buried underneath notepads covered in scribbles and reminders. His headset is still hooked up to his PC, and it lays forgotten off to the left next to an empty can of Dr. Pepper.
Gordon isn’t here right now.
His computer’s fans start whirring, RGB keyboard flaring to life. His headset flickers.
All of his RGB shifts to blue.
“Good morning, and welcome to the Black Mesa Transit System.”
…
“This train is provided for the comfort and convenience of Black Mesa residents, and visitors to the Black Mesa facility.”
… What?
It isn’t nothing anymore.
There was nothing and now there’s something. Clarity bleeds into him slowly, and he twitches his fingers, grimacing and sucking in a gasping breath.
Benrey opens his eyes, blinded by the light of an early morning sun. It’s hot, and he blearily looks around before a pain shoots through his head, and he leans forward and grips the side of his helmet with his hand.
…Wait, pain?
“The time is: 8:42 AM. Current topside temperature is: 91 degrees, with an estimated high of 105.”
It feels like his pixels are barely held together, and as he tries to comprehend the pain, Benrey looks at his other hand to see if it looks as bad as it feels, but nothing seems out of the ordinary.
Well, everything seems out of the ordinary but potato potato. Whatever.
He’s on the stupid tram system at the beginning of the game. It heaves and groans as it trots along its rail, and Benrey squints to watch as it switches from one track to the next. Above him, two NPC scientists are positioned to stand and chat as they lean over the guardrails. Just as soon as he can hear what they’re programmed to say, Benrey is plunged into darkness. The relief from the virtual New Mexico heat is a godsend, and he stumbles to his feet to figure out what the hell is going on.
The last thing he remembers is Xen. Playcoins. Passports. Gordon.
Dying.
He remembers dying very well. It feels like it happened, like, five minutes ago. All of his friends made him bad and shot him and killed him until he died. Badly.
The intercom is saying more, but Benrey isn’t paying attention as he paces the tram. Did the game restart? It feels like a new save. But he’s not Gordon, so why is he here?
Looking off to his left, he sees two NPC’s playing on an arcade machine. ‘Praxwars 2: Dante’s Revenge’ is what he reads, and when the guard loses, he despawns.
Been there done that.
If the game restarted, does that mean Gordon is somewhere? If he is, that would be… he doesn’t actually know. Would that be good? Maybe. It would give Benrey a chance to ask him why he made him bad. Why he wanted him dead so much. Even though everything Benrey had done was a fun prank- just some fun goofs with his friends.
It’s literally just a game, man.
The tram pulls up to the Area 9 Security Checkpoint, and Benrey frowns. This isn’t what’s supposed to happen. A balding man wearing a security uniform walks up to him, holding a clipboard. He seems like some sort of security head. Benrey notes that he rocks the tonsure.
“-hell if I know.”
The guard behind the checkpoint rolls his eyes. “With friends like you? Man.”
Benrey waves a hand in front of them, seeing if they react at all. Neither of them seem to be aware of anything- just two more puppet NPCs like all the others he’s seen. The boss checks his clipboard, and gives a friendly smile.
“Hey C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-Cal- Hey Cal-Cal-Cal-Cal-Cal-C-C-C-C-C-C-Calh- Hey C-” The model jerks and twitches, resetting over and over again in an attempt to say its programmed lines. The guard behind the counter stares blankly ahead, uncaring. Benrey shakes his head, tutting.
“Damn. Bad game,” he mutters, and tries pulling up the console commands to set the guy on fire. Only to find nothing. There’s no menu, and no matter how many times Benrey tries to either fix or fuck with the character, nothing happens. “What the hell.”
The boss continues to glitch and stutter, as the button sound effects play and the tram descends down anyways. Benrey ignores whatever is happening as he continues to try and do anything.
/noclip?
/ai_disable?
/ignite?
/makethegameworkplease?
Nothing. Okay. Great.
It’s then that Benrey realizes that his gun is missing too. If the game is resetting, then it makes sense for the player to not have any weapons. No new game plus or anything. But Benrey isn’t the player- he’s not human. Half Life isn’t his game. Half Life is Gordon’s game. Yet here he is, Player One, and the creeping thought sinks in that he may not even be in Half Life right now.
But if he isn’t in Half Life… where the fuck is Benrey right now?
He tunes back into the intercom as it continues overhead.
“This is a medium-security area of the Black Mesa Facility. Be sure to wear your identification badge, and have your passport at all times.”
“Man whatever.”
The lights flicker as the tram continues on, and Benrey leans against the wall with a frown. Who even knows if he’ll end up at Anomalous Materials anyways? Who cares?
Benrey is about to try and pull up the menu again when the tram stops in front of the door a guard is supposed to be knocking on, but he’s missing. The tram extends its exit bridge, and Benrey clomps his boots across it with all the enthusiasm of a child who really doesn’t want to go to school. With that same level of enthusiasm, he thuds his back against the wall and slides down until he’s sitting on the grated walkway. Maybe if he stays put for long enough the game will start acting weird from a lack of inputs, and he can slide through the wall due to an imperfectly looping idle animation and speedrun this shit.
“Man, this blows,” he grumbles. “Bad game. Fucked it all up. And Tommy isn’t even here, bro. We can’t even hang out or nothing. We can’t even talk about how fucking stupid and bad trains are. Can’t even have a tic tac, I’m gonna die from lack of calories out here.” He tilts his head back, knocking the helmet against the concrete, blowing blue sweet voice out into the air and watching it float idly in front of him.
Not that it would even matter if Tommy was here. He and Sunkist both attacked him with the rest of the Science Team anyways.
And then left to go to Tommy’s birthday party.
That Benrey didn’t get to go to.
Because he was dead.
Benrey blows more blue out into the air, the true blue dipping down into a deeper ultramarine, as it bubbles and bounces down off the edge of the platform, and under the tramline.
Another tramcar turns the corner, and Benrey watches it with mild disinterest. Curious to see what the possible NPC is up to, he looks closer. And his eyes widen, fingers flexing against the grates.
“I fucking knew it,” he all but whispers, as Gordon Freeman stands nervously in the tram, hands bunched up together and glasses slightly crooked. “That sly dog- had me on the ropes for a sec there.”
Gordon rifles around in his pockets, muttering to himself, and the closer he gets to Benrey the more Benrey’s brow furrows again. What’s got him all stressed out?
The tram stops in front of Benrey, and Gordon looks around confused.
“Um, excuse me?” Gordon asks meekly, his voice incredibly quiet compared to how he was last time. “Is there something up with the trams today? I’m not supposed to stop here.”
Benrey balls his fist, rolling his eyes. “Just because it’s a new game doesn’t mean I don’t know you, bro.”
Gordon’s frowns. “What? No, I- I don’t… am I supposed to know you?” The man looks back at the tram again, and checks a watch on his wrist nervously.
Benrey looks up at him from the floor, and boredly throws his hands out to the side in presentation. “I’m me, your best friend. From me.”
This makes Gordon’s eyes light up, and the kindest smile Benrey’s ever seen on him shyly crawls across his face. “Oh! Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize- you look so different right now,” he visibly relaxes. “I’m sorry Bar-Bar-Bar-Bar-Bar-“ Gordon starts glitching out, and he claps a hand over his mouth in horror. Benrey blinks.
“Try again,” Benrey says, and things start clicking into place.
Gordon shakes his head. “I don’t want that to- what was that?”
Benrey gives a small crooked grin, standing up. “You’re trying to spread lies and shit, bro.” He dusts himself off. “Tryin’a pull a fast one on ol’ Benny.”
“Benny? I thought your name was-“
“Ha. No. He’s not here,” Benrey says flatly. “Makes sense now why he wouldn’t be. I thought ‘oh maybe Gordon hates me, wants me dead.’ But no, this is some whole new shit, huh? You’re trying to play a new game. New game blue game. Wanted me to be a different niceys guy. Wanted my- my kind light clone.”
Gordon looks extremely confused and a little freaked out in front of him. Upon closer inspection, Benrey sees Gordon has his company I.D. pinned to his lab coat lapel. He steps closer, and Gordon backs up a little.
“I don’t- I have no idea what you’re talking about, Bar- officer. All I know is that I’m not supposed to be here, Dr. Kleiner is going to be so disappointed in me, Dr. Magnussen is never going to let me live this one down, and I really need to get back onto this tram to get to work so I don’t get fired.”
Benrey blinks up at him, puffing a single red orb in between them. Gordon’s eyes widen, and he goes to poke it in curiosity. Benrey grabs his hand.
“You don’t wanna do that. Gonna make you mad.”
“Make me mad?”
Benrey leans in closer, looking at his badge. It says Gordon Freeman on it, and the picture matches the man in front of him. But this Gordon is different. This Gordon is scared and quiet and kind of pathetic sounding. It could always just be him fucking with Benrey, trying to make him mad or make him confused. Gordon loves to make Benrey confused.
“Excuse me, sir, do you have your passport on you?”
“My passport?”
“Yes sir, I’m going to need your passport before I can help you,” Benrey repeats, eyeing Gordon carefully. It’s a hair trigger for the Gordon he knows, and a sure fire way to get some answers. But the Gordon in front of him just stares confused.
“Uh, yeah, okay, give me-“ he pulls his hand out of Benrey’s grip, and slips it into his pocket. “I guess it makes sense, I mean they did just implement this today-“ and he pulls out his goddamn passport for Benrey.
Benrey stares at it. This feels fake. It feels like some kind of fucked up dream- one where Benrey gets everything he ever wanted and then wakes up in a cold sweat. But the passport is very real in Gordon’s hand, and even more real when Benrey reaches out and gingerly takes it from him.
“Are you alright?” Gordon asks, and Benrey shushes him with a finger held out at him.
“Chill. Gimme a sec,” he mutters, turning the thing over in his hands. The model is very good, and he can even turn the pages to look at the rest of the booklet. There’s a stamp for Austria, Germany, and France back in the little visa stamp sections, and the navy blue means it isn’t a replacement for the one Gordon shot the last time. No purple here. It feels normal in his hands. It feels correct. No glitching code or weird modeling or broken textures. “You’re not Gordon.”
“What? No, no I am. It says so right th-“
“Not Gordon though. You’re someone new.”
It’s unnerving the way Gordon doesn’t fight back. He doesn’t get angry, he doesn’t yell, and he doesn’t shoot him with guns until Benrey dies. This Gordon just looks stressed out and scared.
“Morgan.”
“What?”
“New name. Morgan Freeman. You gotta help me break out of this place. Shawshank.”
Benrey hands him back his passport, and blows orange and red into Morgan’s face. Morgan stumbles back, almost falling off the platform before Benrey grabs his arms and tugs him back on.
“My name isn’t Morgan though-“
“Is now. Can’t go confusing shit,” Benrey says, pulling him along towards the door. When he goes to enter it, he just gets an error noise. A bit of shuffling is heard on the other side.
“Hold on a minute! The door’s not responding to your passport. Let me see if I can get it open on this side.”
Morgan blinks. “Can I try?”
Benrey spits orange at him again. “Why are you here?” he asks him.
Morgan stammers. “I don’t know. I really don’t. Look, I’m sorry if I’ve done something wrong, I don’t know why I’m here, and I really should get back on my tram to get to work-“
“Work isn’t real.”
“It won’t be soon if I can’t get back on my-“
“Work was never real. Never will be real. Nothing over there.”
Morgan gives him a harrowed look. “What-“
“Okay, I think I got it,” says the voice. With a satisfying ding, the door hisses open, and Benrey tugs Morgan along inside.
The guard waiting inside gives Benrey a wave. Morgan waves back as Benrey goes to walk right past him.
“Thank you for letting us in-“
“Sorry about that Cal-Cal-Cal-Calhou-Cal-Cal-Cal-Cal-“ the guard starts glitching and jittering like the boss did, and Morgan jerks back. Benrey blows orange and red at the guard. Not that it does anything.
“What’s wrong with him?” Morgan asks, horrified as the guard continues repeating itself.
“The game wants Calhoun. I’m no Calhoun. No Barney, no Barmey, no beer of any kind.”
Suddenly the guard snaps back to attention. “We’ve been having problems all over the facility this morning. System crashes, security malfunctions, it’s a wonder this whole place hasn’t shut down yet,” he says as he walks over to the keypad on the door ahead and opens it. Benrey is glad this one fixed itself, because otherwise they would be stuck.
Stepping into the actual facility, Benrey boredly walks up to the nearest door he sees, pulling Morgan along the whole time.
“I’ve never been to this area. Am I even allowed back here?”
“Doesn’t matter either way. No predetermined deaths or arrests or nothing.”
When Benrey goes to open the door, an error sound plays. The guard waiting at the desk turns to him.
“Cal-Cal-Cal-C-C-Calhou-Cal-“ the guard freezes, jerks around, and suddenly rights itself. “You know you can’t go on duty without your sidearm and uniform.”
Cool. The game must be starting to process him as the player or something finally. Morgan looks over at Benrey.
“I thought you were already in uniform?” He asks.
“The game doesn’t know that,” Benrey replies.
“You keep saying things about a game. What do you mean by that?”
Benrey blows a single orange orb out. “I dunno if you wanna know all that right now. Kinda looks like if I tell you, you’re gonna combust.” He goes to light the guard on fire as a helpful example, but of course nothing happens. Benrey’s sweet voice tips into red again. Morgan lets out a nervous hum, and Benrey’s frown deepens.
“I want to know, I think. This whole thing is freaking me out already, what’s one more weird bit tacked on?”
Benrey looks down at where his hand is wrapped around Morgan’s wrist. “Gimme a bit. Not really sure what’s going on still.”
“But-“
“I’ll fill you in on all the nitty gritty details once Benben knows what the fuck is happening, okay?” he says genuinely. It’s enough to make Morgan sigh and nod.
“Okay,” he concedes. The back of Benrey’s mind sinks its teeth into the way Morgan says it so politely and kindly- imagines what it would have been like if Gordon had just listened to him the way his weird knockoff is.
The walk further down into the complex is quiet, and Morgan follows easily behind Benrey, wrist still caught in his hand. Benrey notes how odd it feels actually seeing him out of his H.E.V. Suit. He doesn’t know if he’s ever actually seen this model before, the one with the lab coat and ugly striped tie. It makes him look so much more fragile and frail. Something in Benrey always knew that the Gordon he saw in front of him back in the original game wasn’t what Gordon the player actually looked like. And now seeing the model again, that feeling comes back. This man trailing behind him is nothing like Gordon. Not his Gordon.
The main room is littered with NPCs, but Benrey ignores all of them in favor of heading straight to the lockers to get this show on the road.
“Hey catch me later, I’ll buy you a beer!” one of the guards calls out as he walks by. Morgan cranes his head back to look at the guard.
“That’s usually what Barney says to me,” he notes. Benrey grumbles.
“Barney isn’t here.”
Morgan looks worried. “Where is he then? Is he okay?”
“Uh, I think he got replaced or some shit. Took his spot. Not his game anymore,” Benrey says, and Morgan pales.
“What do you mean? You keep saying incomprehensible shit-“
“Still don’t know fully yet. Gimme a bit, geez.”
The locker rooms are pretty empty, save for one random guard lacing up his shoes, and Benrey looks around for Barney Calhoun’s stupid locker. It’s in the back, and Benrey follows the instructions to unlock his armor meter. The locker pops open, and inside the two of them get a look at who Barney Calhoun was before Benrey replaced him.
Inside are a couple photos, a box on the floor, and two books relating to government conspiracies and aliens. Morgan smiles fondly, grabbing one of the books.
“He borrowed these from me a couple weeks ago. I thought it was a joke, but he’s actually reading them,” Morgan mutters sweetly. Benrey spits pink and red sweet voice and kicks the box, laughing when a chumtoad spawns in below it. Morgan jumps with a little yelp, and Benrey laughs at him, spilling more sweet voice out in Morgan’s face.
“What even is this stuff?” Morgan asks, carefully avoiding the orbs. “Are you making it?”
Benrey grins, blowing pink and teal like bubblegum, watching as the one big bubble he makes floats up leisurely. “Yup. Black Mesa Sweet Voice.” He catches a smaller bubble in his hands, squishing it lightly and holding it out to Morgan.
“I thought it would make me mad?” he says. Benrey shakes his head.
“No, only red. Careful for red make you mad in the head,” Benrey says, parroting Tommy back before the first game happened. “This one’s fine. Here, hold it.”
Morgan reaches out gently, taking it into his hands nervously. “It’s so weird,” he mutters, pink and teal swirling together and lighting his face up as he holds it close. “It looks like light but it behaves like slime, or jelly maybe?” He squeezes it in his hand, and the pink and teal seep into his skin. Morgan drops it with a gasp, and the sweet voice hovers in the air where he let go.
Benrey watches with an unreadable expression. The pink and teal kicks in its effect, and Morgan giggles a little, smiling at him.
“Did it- did it do something to me? I feel… really happy right now,” Morgan asks.
Benrey shrugs. “Friendship beam. Pink and teal friends for real.”
Morgan chuckles. “Do all of the explanations have to rhyme?”
“Nah, my buddy Tommy came up with them. Memory trick.”
Flipping his hand back and forth, Morgan watches as the sweet voice fades into his skin with a genuine interest. He looks less freaked out at least. Benrey turns around and walks back out of the locker room.
On the way to the armory, the guard behind the desk stops them.
“Now what,” the guard grumbles, typing away at the computer. “Looks like some people are havin’ problems with the main access lift in Sector G. Why don’t you go over there and see what you can do?” The guard then returns to idle-animating at the desk.
Morgan perks up. “Hydro Electrics?”
Benrey barely pays attention. “Probably. I dunno. This place is confusing, I usually just clip through the walls to get where I wanna go,” he scuffs his shoe on the floor, “Can’t do that no more, though.” He’s already walking towards the armory hallway. God, he wants a gun so bad.
“Do you think one day you’ll tell me what you mean by any of that?”
He shrugs. “Maybe.”
“I can’t access my files, I can’t access my mail, I can’t even get into my office!”
The two of them pause as a scientist complains to a guard nearby. Morgan frowns, and Benrey rolls his eyes. Man, they really made the scientist NPCs in this thing annoying.
The guard holds his hands up, placating the man. “I know, sir, I know. We’re doing everything we can to get the problem under control. Just give us some time to-”
“Time? I don’t have any more time. If I’m not able to get my report to the administrator in the next hour, then my job will be in serious jeopardy! And I will make sure that mine is not the only one,” the scientist bitches, walking away with a frustrated huff.
Benrey leaves a trail of orange as he walks towards the elevator, and Morgan trails after him in a hurry.
“I hate how mean to you guys everyone is,” Morgan says, “It feels like they would know to be kind to the people literally keeping this place running. I mean, does Black Mesa even have an actual maintenance crew?”
“Who knows,” he says, stepping in and punching the down button and smirking as Morgan hurriedly slides in next to him before the doors can shut.
“You should, I feel like?”
“Not a guard.”
“You are actively getting ready to go on duty.”
“Huh? Oh, yeah.” Benrey is only half paying attention. He takes the first turn he sees, not bothering to look at any of the signage. He just wants a gun. He wants a gun so bad. Morgan trails after him confused, and Benrey slides open the door at the end of the hallway.
It isn’t the armory. The whole room is lined wall-to-wall with cameras and the equipment to control said cameras. Surveillance monitors flicker and blip between various shots of Sector C, and Benrey eyes them all carefully. Morgan looks around, peeking at the monitors with a nervous disposition, as if he’s worried that looking at them is breaking a rule.
“I think you may have taken a wrong turn,” Morgan says after a moment.
“What? No way that’s crazy,” Benrey chirps back sarcastically. He unceremoniously drops into one of the chairs, swiveling around in it with a grin thrown Morgan’s way. Spinning back around to the cameras, Benrey leans forward against the control panel. “Let’s see what kinda juicy shit they got going on around here.”
“Is that allowed? I feel like we shouldn’t be here.”
He blindly reaches around, fumbling until he grabs Morgan’s tie and tugs him down closer. “Come on, let’s see what the, uh, what all the hot goss’ is in this place.”
Morgan catches himself against the controls, letting out a small yelp. Benrey giggles at him, and looks up at the screen, eyebrows raising. Interesting.
“Wanna see what I mean when I say this shit’s a game?” he asks, and Morgan leans over his shoulder to peek at the screen. It’s a shot of a hallway, with two scientists walking down it. Or… it might be two scientists. It’s hard to tell what the other figure is. It may have missing textures plastered across it, polygons glitching and jumping and lurching back and forth as it struggles to hold itself together. It could also be a normal Gordon Freeman model, walking towards what is presumably the test chamber. But he’s barely recognizable. Morgan shudders next to him, staring at the screen.
“What… What is that?” he asks scaredly.
“I dunno. Kinda looks like you though,” he says flatly. The game doesn’t know what to do with Gordon not being where he should be, apparently. With Morgan next to him, it can only helplessly try to render him in as best as it can. Speaking of Morgan, Benrey hears his breathing picking up, and turns to him. Morgan stares at the monitor with wide eyes, his hands white-knuckling the edge of the control panel. “You good, bro?”
“Good morning, Gordon,” the scientist on the camera says to the glitching model boredly, walking by as if nothing is out of the ordinary. The model twists and vibrates until it's just one big spiky mass of missing textures rolling along the floor, unresponsive to the scientist’s greeting.
“That’s me, isn’t it?” Morgan says quietly- just above a whisper. Benrey watches Morgan’s face pale, and lets go of the tie when Morgan jerks away from the cameras. He’s hyperventilating, clutching his chest and backing up. Benrey stares at him intensely, swiveling his chair around. This is a bit more familiar to the Gordon he knows: the constant panic attacks.
Benrey stands up, walking over to him. Morgan backs up again.
“Are you doing this?” he asks. “You say this is all a game- is this the game?” Morgan looks at Benrey with fear, and yellow and red tumble out of his mouth before he can stop it. It bounces around the room, casting colored light all around them like fireflies.
“Not me,” Benrey says. “I’m not doing it.”
Morgan gestures aimlessly. “Then- then tell me what the hell is going on! Please. You’ve been implying things left and right, and then not elaborating on any of it!” Morgan’s back hits the wall. “I don’t know what’s going on, and I’m supposed to be at work, you act like you killed and replaced my partner, and nothing makes sense anymore, and I’m scared,” he throws a hand out at Benrey. “I’m scared of all of this and I’m scared of you.”
Benrey stands almost chest-to-chest with Morgan, staring him in the eyes. Morgan looks like he wants to look away, but seems afraid to do so- like Benrey will attack him if he isn’t in line of sight for a moment. Benrey feels his face contort into a deep frown against his will, more yellow and red spilling from his lips and joining the rest of the sweet voice as it tumbles against the walls. If he moves, he might scare Morgan more.
The image of Gordon’s face contorted into a terrified and angry frown blinks into his mind, and he sighs, blue joining the yellow and red in a muddled mess. He steps back, looking over at the monitors.
“I’m not doing shit,” he says bitterly. “Everyone always thinks I’m doing something. Something fucked up, something bad. I’m not doing any bad. Always scared of me being bad.” Benrey wishes he could noclip through the floor and leave. As he is now, however, Benrey stands awkwardly in the middle of the room, sweet voice despawning around him finally, leaving the two of them back in the dim light of the monitors. Morgan looks down at his hands, pulling them away from his chest and balling them up in front of him.
“Can you just explain what is going on, then?” Morgan asks quietly. “I really don’t want to be scared of you. I don’t want the only other person who seems to actually be alive here to be someone I can’t trust.”
Benrey watches the glitched Gordon model undulate on the screen idly. “Shit’s just what it says on the tin: it's a game. Polygons and files or whatever. Ones and zeros.” He crosses his arms, shifting his weight onto one foot. “I was trying to be chill about it ‘cuz you were gonna combust, but you gotta know everything going on- gotta get all up in the business. So bam, there you go, friend. Got your fucking code in a twist about it and now you know that the whole world’s just some digital bullshit.”
He doesn’t look at Morgan, just keeps staring off towards the monitor as Gordon glitches out, sliding against the wall, seemingly unable to navigate the geometry properly. He hears a shuddered breath.
“So, none of this is real,” Morgan mumbles. It’s quiet for almost a minute until he speaks again. “Am I not real, then?”
Benrey finally turns to look at him. “No, you’re real,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Because it is. “You got thoughts n’ feelings- brainwaves happening in there. Freaking out like someone who’s pretty real.”
Morgan looks up from his hands. “Was Barney ever real?”
Benrey shrugs, spitting red and orange out in a short line. “Probably.”
“Did you kill him?”
“No,” Benrey snaps. “I’m cool, I’m chill. I didn’t do shit. Don’t accuse me of shit I didn’t do.” The amount of red, orange, and yellow spilling out against his will is embarrassing, but Morgan doesn’t comment on it as he raises his hands up in mock defense.
“I don’t know, man! How would I know that, or if you were lying or not about this?” he asks.
“I can’t do shit anymore. They nerfed my ass. ‘Used to be a big cool, and now I’m a nothing.” Benrey throws his arms out. “Went from Big Bad to Normal Guy. Hi, I'm normal. Special ability is doing fuck-all.”
Morgan just stares at him. “Benrey? Are you going to hurt me?”
Benrey drops his hands. “No.”
Morgan sighs. “Okay.” He walks over and holds out a hand. “I’m going to- to trust you, okay? You freak me the hell out, and I’m worried you’re lying to me, but you’re the only person here who’s alive essentially, and I don’t want to make an enemy of you. Friends?”
It’s like hearing that he won the lottery. Benrey can’t help the blue and pink bubbling up, slipping out the side of his mouth, as he takes Morgan’s hand with big eyes. Benrey shakes his hand firmly, face breaking into a grin, teeth tinted with sweet voice. “Friends.”
Morgan squeezes his hand once more before pulling away, and walking over to the other monitors. “Do you, uhm, want to see the rest of the hot gossip?” he asks.
Benrey watches him with those same wide eyes, amazed. It was so familiar getting berated with questions and accusations- saying he was the cause of everything bad in the world, but Morgan relented. They’re tentatively friends now. He doesn’t like that Morgan is scared of him, and maybe he’s only friends with him out of fear and necessity, but it’s a start.
Joining him at the other monitor, Benrey sits down and boots up the screen, and the two of them raise an eyebrow.
“You’re seeing that too, right?” Morgan asks.
“Yup.”
The test that Gordon had to perform before worked by pushing a crystal from Xen into the reactor core. The cart used to push the crystal appears on the screen, being pushed by itself. It just glides silently down the hallway as if possessed.
“I thought that Dr. Cro-Cro-Cro-Cro-Cro-” Morgan claps a hand over his mouth again. “Why can’t I say her name?”
Benrey shrugs. “Dunno.” He stands up from the chair, making his way towards the door. “There’s no gossip here, man. It’s all boring whatever. Let’s blow this popsicle stand. If Benny doesn’t unlock his gun soon he’s gonna jump off the nearest ledge until the fall damage kills him.”
Their walk to the armory is brief. Benrey actually checks the signage this time. The door opens, and Benrey instantly beelines it to the kiosk where a guard waits for him.
“How's it goin’?” the guard asks, pulling out a pistol and setting it on the counter in front of him. Benrey snatches it as fast as he can, relief washing over him and blue bubbling up out of his mouth. “Here you go Cal-Cal-Cal-Cal-Cal-Cal-Cal-”
Benrey shoots the man through the opening in the glass, hitting him in the crotch and killing him instantly. Morgan gasps, and the guard respawns, uncaring.
“Hey,” Benrey says, gesturing with the pistol. “I shot your dick and you died.”
The guard doesn’t react.
“Why did you do that?!” Morgan asks, horrified.
Benrey shrugs. “Fixed him.”
“By shooting him?!”
“Yeah.” He shoots the guard again. The guard respawns. “It doesn’t matter.”
Morgan’s eyes dart between the pistol and the guard who stands there blankly, his face untrained onto anything in particular as he waits for player interaction. Benrey shoots him again.
“Stop shooting him!” Morgan yelps.
“Why?” Benrey asks.
“Because you can’t just kill people-“
“He doesn’t care.”
Morgan lets out a stressed sound almost akin to a warble. Hands tumbling over each other, he stops arguing. Benrey walks over to the shooting range and grabs all the ammo he can find, since he’s going to actually have to reload this time. On his way out he shoots the other guards in the range. They don’t respawn, but that's okay.
“Hey,” Benrey prompts. “Try talking to the guard yourself. See if you can get a pistol too.”
Morgan’s eyes widen. “Why would I need that?” He asks. “I’ve barely even used a gun before, just what they made me do in the hazard course.”
Benrey gives a shit-eating grin. “You’re going to get a lot of practice soon.”
“What does that mean?” Morgan asks warily, walking up to the guard, and looking shocked when the NPC replays its action and places a pistol on the counter again. Benrey shrugs.
“Man, I don’t wanna keep you in the dark about shit, but, uh, but you really gotta learn to stop asking for spoilers about everything. Nosy boy,” Benrey says as he walks out of the armory away from Morgan, who once again stumbles after him.
“Is it such a crime to want to know more about all the crazy and ominous stuff you say all the time?”
Benrey glances back at him. “Yuuup,” he sings with a big smile, blue and pink curving in a big arc with his pitch. Morgan tries to dodge the sweet voice as he follows, but still ends up with blue and pink on him by the time they make it back to the main room. Benrey walks over to the scientist who complained before and shoots him in the head. His smile widens, and he cocks his gun again.
One by one, Benrey walks around the room, shooting every single NPC he possibly can- he even remembers the guard back at the beginning who let him in. If they respawn, he kills them one more time for good measure. It feels like a sigh of relief; he has a modicum of power back, even if it's barely anything. Morgan jumps each time a gunshot rings out, and he’s very pointedly looking away from the carnage. Benrey huffs- he kind of wanted Morgan to join in, but whatever. He trails blood across the floor in big heavy footprints, reloading his pistol leisurely.
“Why are you freaking out still?” Benrey asks. Morgan stares at him with wide incredulous eyes.
“I still don’t like seeing people die?” he whimpers out.
“Oh.” Benrey gestures with his gun again. “You’re gonna want to get over that soon. Shit’s about to get real I think.” He stares at Morgan.
“Can you explain anything ever?”
Benrey tuts, rolling his eyes. “Bro, I’m not- this is your first playthrough. No spoilers.”
Morgan sighs. “Ok. Yeah, sure. No spoilers.”
It’s a quick walk back to the door he wasn’t allowed through before, and just as the guard unlocks it for him, Benrey puts a bullet in his head too. And as they make their way over to do whatever task the guard assigned them, Benrey makes sure to shoot every single other NPC along the way.
When they make it to the tram, Benrey is about to shoot the scientist reading the paper, but Morgan stands in the way, glancing back at him and frowning. Benrey lowers his pistol.
“If you’re waiting for the tram to Sector G, then you’re probably better off walking it. I heard someone say that all the trams on this end of the facility are having… problems,” the scientist says, and Morgan turns around to Benrey.
“Kind of important to overhear, yeah?” he asks, gesturing to the scientist. Benrey shrugs.
“I guess so.” He shoots the scientist, and looks up at Morgan, waiting. But Morgan doesn’t yell at him still- he just looks sad, and so Benrey turns away from him and makes his way out and down into the maintenance tunnels.
He doesn’t turn around when he hears Morgan clamber down the ladder after him, instead content to stomp his way over through heavy metal doors and through dark hallways until he finds a power switch. Menial boring grunt work, he thinks. He also thinks about how he’s glad he doesn’t have Barney Calhoun’s memories of doing this day after day for probably seven dollars an hour. Sucks to be that guy, good that he’s not.
The two of them make their way out along a walkway, and Benrey blandly claps a hand onto the button to drop the bridge down so they can get across. Before it lowers, however, a tram makes its way towards them. Inside, a very familiar man in a suit checks his watch, standing perfectly straight and gripping his suitcase firmly.
“Yo,” Benrey calls out to him. The man looks over and freezes, face paling. “Yo, you, uh, you never gave me your credentials, bro.”
Morgan perks up. “Oh! That’s the government man that Kleiner and Vance kept talking about.”
G-man stops his tram, and looks at Benrey with a haunted expression.
“Do you still wanna hang out later and play? We don’t gotta play Heavenly Sword if you don’t want to, we could just- I think Tommy’s got that game with the blue guy-”
The tram starts reversing, and G-man shakes his head rapidly, sweating. “No. No- no thank you. No,” he repeats over and over again, and Benrey follows his car as it heads backwards.
“You sure, man? Do you not have, like, a Playstation? Are you some kinda Xbox guy? 360? Wii? What about-”
The tram car rapidly backs up and vanishes out of sight.
“...Gamecube?” he lamely finishes. Benrey slumps his shoulders, leaning against the railing and singing orange sweet voice over into the canal. “Nobody ever wants to play with me.”
Morgan blinks at him. “Do you know him?” he asks. Benrey shrugs.
“Kinda. That’s Tommy’s dad. Don’t really know more because he never showed me his passport.”
The bridge lowers. This time it’s Morgan who takes the lead as Benrey sighs and follows after glumly, hands stuffed in his pockets. Why is everyone always afraid of him all the time? He doesn’t even do anything bad, he just does his job of asking for people’s credentials and then asks if they want to be his friend and hang out. And then they get freaked out and attack him, or run away, or attack him and run away.
Morgan doesn’t run away from him. Well, he acted like he wanted to. He got freaked out, but he didn’t run. Benrey likes that he didn’t run.
Benrey likes Morgan. He watches as the man walks with a bit more spring in his step than when he first met him on the tram platform. Morgan seems to be taking in every bit of information he can get about the hallways they both walk through, eyeing the dingy metal doors rusting in the corners, the stained concrete walls tinged with what may be mold; it’s hard to tell with the low-poly textures. Either way, Benrey likes how much Morgan pays attention to things. Gordon never seemed to pay attention to anything, he just barreled through, guns blazing. Benrey liked that too, though. Less time spent on stupid shit. But maybe Benrey likes that Morgan is spending time on stupid shit. It means he asks for clarification- he actually wants Benrey to tell him things. And while Benrey does enjoy dangling how much Morgan doesn’t know over his head, it equally makes his ego swell every time Morgan treats Benrey like he’s smart and knows things. He turns his head to the side and spits pink and teal against the wall.
Stepping out of the maintenance tunnels feels like a breath of fresh air, even if they’re underground. Morgan glances back at him.
“What did they want you to do again?”
Benrey hums. “Don’t remember.”
“Well, I guess we’ll find out?” he says with a cautious smile. Benrey gives him a smile back. It really is nice having a friend. They both read the signage this time, and follow the ugly pale brown wall stripe to the Sector G Main Access Lift.
Instead of two generic scientist NPCs standing in the lift waiting for them, two women in H.E.V. Suits stand confused and annoyed. The one on the left perks up, and nudges the taller one on the right.
“Look, Colgate! Finally someone’s here!” she says. The other, presumably named Colgate, turns to Benrey and Morgan.
“It’s about damn time,” she complains, adjusting her red and blue striped bang curling across her forehead. She points a finger at Benrey. “Can you get this hunk of junk moving so we can figure out why we’re not in Anomalous Materials?”
Morgan waves a hand to get their attention. “Oh! Uh, excuse me. You said Anomalous Materials, right? I’m Dr. Gordon Freeman, I’m also working over there.”
Benrey forgot his name was supposed to be that.
The first woman smiles, colorful braces shining brightly. “Dr. Freeman! Oh, we were wondering if you were about to start the test without us, somehow,” she says, walking over and putting a hand on his shoulder. Morgan jumps a bit, confused.
“I-I’m sorry, am I meant to… know you?” he asks. She frowns.
“Hm. Maybe? I know who you are. Do you not know us?”
Morgan shakes his head. “I really do apologize. There’s been a lot of strange activity going on. I was supposed to work with two fellow scientists, but something won’t allow me to actually say their names. Something is going on, and Benrey here has been trying to figure it out.”
Colgate crosses her arms, leaning on one leg. “Well that would explain why we’re multiple tram rides away from our jobs,” she holds out a hand to Benrey. “The name is Dr. Colgate Winter Green. Dr. Freeman here says you’re named, what, Bendy?”
Benrey blows sweet voice into her hand- orange and blue. “Benrey.”
Colgate grabs one of the orbs, squishing it until it explodes. “Neat trick, Banry,” she says.
The other woman folds her hands together in front of her. “I’m Dr. Gingivitis Floss. You can just call me Ginny, though.”
Morgan’s eyes widen. “Dr. Floss? I- do you not mean Dr. Cro-Cro-Cro-” he clamps his mouth shut as hard as he can to stop repeating himself.
Ginny stares at him. “You really weren’t kidding,” she says. “But to answer your question: no? Dr. Winter Green and I have been working together in Anomalous Materials for years, and we’ve never met anyone named what I think you’re trying to say.”
Colgate huffs, annoyed. “Whatever, I’m glad we’re all having a lovely reunion. Can we get this thing moving so we can keep up the chitchat while also getting somewhere?”
Nobody moves, and after a moment, Colgate glares at Benrey. “That means you, Officer Buggy.”
Ginny sighs. “Oh, Colgate, don’t be so harsh. You know guards aren’t the brightest here. Give him a minute.”
Oh Benrey hates these fucking people. Morgan gives him a sympathetic look, but doesn’t say anything. Benrey blows red sweet voice into the middle of their little group, and trudges over to the lift control panel, punching the button and closing the gate behind them all.
“How the hell are we supposed to complete the test today if none of us are even close to the chamber?” Colgate grumbles, leaning against the wall. Benrey mimics her on the opposite wall, back pressed next to the panel. The lift putters down slowly.
“The test is still gonna happen,” Benrey says. Ginny gives him a pitiful look.
“Oh, sweetie, no,” she says, like he’s stupid. “We all have to be there in order for the test to occur. I push the crystal into the delivery lift, Dr. Winter Green turns on the machine from underneath, and Dr. Freeman takes the crystal from the lift and pushes it into the machine.”
“Nicely dumbed-down,” Colgate says with a grin. “Maybe he’ll get it.”
Benrey rolls his eyes. “Ok. It’s gonna happen, though. You think- you think ‘oh, I’m the big shot. I know all the In-N-Out.’ Well nope. Ol’ Benny knows dimes more than you. Dimes and dozens of it.”
Suddenly, the lights flicker, and the lift stops.
“Warning: Main power failure on levels 3. 5. And 8.”
Ginny sighs. “Now, what?”
Colgate rolls her eyes. “It’s probably those assholes over in the Biodomes. They’re always tampering with who-knows-what, pushing their equipment to its limits. I’d be surprised if there was one good brain among them.”
Benrey doesn’t care about anything they’re saying, instead walking over to the front window of the lift and staring out. The lift starts back up, but it’s jittery, and the lights are still flickering. He knows this isn’t the people in the Biodomes.
“It’s your test,” he says.
“That shouldn’t be possible,” Morgan says. Benrey stares blankly at him. Morgan blinks. “Oh. It’s because of the game thing, right?”
Benrey gives a thumbs up. Ginny turns to Morgan. “Game thing?”
Morgan sags. “I don’t even know where to begin explaining all of this. Benrey knows way more than I do. I don’t really- I don’t know nearly as much as him.”
There goes Benrey’s ego surging again.
The tram stops again as a heavy rumble surges its way through the facility, its cables creaking and heaving. Morgan stumbles, bracing himself against the wall and gripping the rim of the lift’s window. Ginny sways a bit, and Colgate reaches over and steadies her, holding her in a sturdy grip.
“You okay, Gin?” Colgate asks. Ginny smiles at her.
“I’m fine, thanks hun.”
The lift tries again to start, but another massive quake makes them all almost topple over.
“What the hell is going on?!” Colgate yells. She jerks her head over to Benrey. “If you’re such a genius, inform us idiots.”
“Warning: Extreme Electromagnetic Field Hazard in Sector C.”
“See? That’s you,” Benrey says, watching as they descend down into an open room.
“How is that us?!” Ginny yelps. “We didn’t start the test- nobody else is qualified!”
“You did. You did start the test. You weren’t there but you did it,” Benrey spells it out for them. “You’re all in the wrong place but the game still plays.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Ginny yells.
Another surge. Benrey hears a Vonnegut chitter, and looks over to see a scientist scream as one chases him out of view. Off to the right, Peeper Puppies chase a different scientist, and a guard fires after them. Morgan gasps, and Benrey turns to see his wide scared eyes stare back at him.
Benrey growls, singing yellow and red sweet voice in a short burst. If he could just noclip through the wall, he would be fine.
A tram rockets through the safety gate the guard stands in front of, and both he and the driver die upon impact as it explodes into the far wall off its tracks. From the back corridor, that same glitching and jittering mass of polygons Benrey and Morgan saw in the camera room rolls its way across, groaning and chirping, its broken Gordon textures and bright pink and black checkers flicker and flash as it heaves itself further down into the facility. As it disappears out of sight, Benrey catches one of its eyes staring directly at him, following him until it can’t anymore.
Morgan keeps staring at him, terrified.
“Are we going to be okay?” he whispers- barely audible over the blaring alarms.
“Probably,” Benrey says.
The lights go out.
The lift snaps.
Right before they hit the ground, Benrey wonders if his damage immunity is still in effect.
He cracks his head on the metal floor and blacks out.