Chapter Text
She felt it in her stomach, the cloying heat that forced it's way into her head. It wasn't a wave, of course with Columbina's power and authority the affects of her secondary gender were greatly diminished, but she still felt it.
She had never been one to chart her heats. They always came and went.
The first few she barely remembered. A tiny, drifting star that she was, sitting in the frostmoon halls. The devout, yet still uncaring worshipers never giving her another glance besides their adoring stares. Her heats burned, a pain deep in her body and a cold emptiness. She was allowed to build a nest, sure, but she never did. The act was foreign, guided by nothing, so she didn't. The blankets were sterile, soft to touch but worthless.
Her time in the fatui was no different. She considered it, when the first heat she had under the Tsaritsa hit her. She thought about leaving her room, walking down the hallways to knock on a doorway. Sandrone, Dottore, Arlecchino, Signora, maybe even Capitano. But she didn't. She thought of the expressions they might give her. Sandrone, curling her lip, shooing her away. Dottore, smiling that smile he put on even more as of late, unkind in a predatory way. Arlecchino, a simple no, which would cut even deeper. Signora would be like Sandrone, but maybe worse.
She didn't want them to brush her off. A direct no would be worse. Pieces of a nest were supposed to be given, a mark of mutual care.
Asking for it wasn't the same.
Now, another heat had started. And she didn't have anything given to her. Again.
Columbina was unsure of what to do. She rolled to her side, gently cradling the flowers blooming around her. A Kuuhenki came beside her, squeaking. She patted it on the nose.
She rolled onto her back. The flower carpet of her cavern was soft, and comfortable against her back.
It was too empty. Columbina felt her stomach do a somersault. It was missing something.
She missed her friends.
The Kuuhenki beside her made another chirp. Another had floated beside it, staring at her with no small amount of confusion.
"Mm... I..."
She patted her hair. It was smooth, brushed clean by the Traveler. It wasn't necessary, the Kuuhenki and Luonnotar enjoyed helping her, but she always liked it when the Traveler did it. They seemed especially fond of braiding the pink strands together, more intricate then Columbina could possibly replicate.
"I... I miss them."
It wasn't just the Traveler. She missed all of them. She was their Goddess, and they were all busy, but they still took the time to visit her. Still waved at her if they caught her gaze, smiling and running up to chat.
"I want to see them... I want them to..."
She wanted them with her. She wanted to smell their scents and know she was safe, that she was somewhere full of care and with people that knew her.
The Kuuhenki around her had multiplied. The two from before had been replaced by another twelve, staring at her and chattering nervously.
Columbina raised her chin, fingers still curled around their hair. None of her friends had given her something, but maybe that would come later. This was her first time having friends, ones that she knew for sure were her friends. She didn't want to take anything important, not without being given it, but she still wanted their scent near her. She didn't want to miss them when she felt like this.
"If any of my friends visit, keep them away... I don't want them to see me like this."
She only needed something small. Something to remind them of her.
It was times like this Columbina was glad she could fly.
-----
The first friend was easy. It almost made Columbina feel a little guilt, but the thought of asking Lauma directly felt worse. She had always been so kind to Columbina, so willing to accept her even when she chose a new name. The idea that Lauma could only give something out of a obligation made her stomach roll, in a bad way. She wanted them to be friends. She didn't want to just be her Goddess, as she was before.
How lucky was she that everything at the scions carried Lauma's scent.
It wasn't overpowering, but still. The soft floral scent, not dissimilar to the natural odor of the forests, clung to the land.
Breaking a few branches free took only a moment. She didn't want to head deeper, despite her power with the trilunar authority and ability to hide her presence, surely something would go foul. Something would give her away, and with Lauma's... Information network, as Nefer might call it (which always made Columbina giggle - Calling the medley of forest animals a information network was silly, yet so fitting), it would reach Lauma in little time.
Columbina brushed the twigs against her cheek. They were tiny, barely even longer then her hand. Yet they still had the scent. Up close, when she tried hard, she could smell the barest hint lakkaberry. Lauma never shied away from being close to Columbina, and each embrace she had given her held that same smell. It reminded her of the hug that Lauma gave her, so genuine and unabashed.
It was easy to tuck them into her dress, pockets added after Aino had seen her frowning and poking at the fabric. The little genius had gasped, scrambled away, and come back with many many pouches, and a Ineffa carting a very large needle and thread.
Her first friend had been secured, and with barely a noise, Columbina returned to the skies.
-----
Nasha town was busy, as it always was. Usually, she liked the bustle, the constant chatter and noise giving her a excuse to slip into the masses. Moon-Prayer Night had passed, sure, but with the dress leaving a imprint in peoples memories, and the occasional usage outside of that holiday, she still fit right in.
Today was different. The cover of people didn't mean anything, not with her authority still hiding her. Now, the bustle of people was just a nuisance.
She could only hope that in the tangle of bodies, she might spot the Traveler, for even a moment.
"Traveler! Paimon thinks that with this reward, we could afford to get a nice dinner! Maybe even go invite some of our other friends?"
Columbina whipped around, feathers perking up. Paimon! Paimon meant the Traveler!
"Ehhh... I mean... We did only get mora, so I guess so."
The Traveler was frowning, clutching at two brown pouches. One was overflowing with gold coins, practically bursting at the seams. The latter bag in contrast was almost deflated, looking quite pathetic in comparison.
"Just because you only got... What, twenty primogems? Doesn't mean you have to be mopey!!" Columbina always appreciated how expressive Paimon was, even while floating. She had tried to mimic the little pixie before, just as a bit of fun. "I know that quest took a long time, but we still got something good!"
"I guess..." They puffed out their cheek, frowning.
Suddenly, a commotion broke out behind the trio. Columbina didn't need to turn around to feel the sudden swell of energy, but Paimon and the Traveler conversely whipped around aggressively, the bags flying out of their hands at the action.
"WHA- oh are you SERIOUS!" Paimon's shrill broke through the noise, "Are you fighting over a COMMISSION?!?"
Columbina let out a small giggle, unnoticed, as Paimon continued to curse. Beside her, the Traveler had realized the lack of danger, and had instead began to furiously look for the pouches once again.
Oh! She hadn't even realized they had fallen. Columbina joined their search, spotting the smaller bag. She trotted in front of them. Maybe she could slip this somewhere on them, or leave it in a conspicuous spot?
Her fingers had barely brushed it before the soft scent hit her. She pulled the pouch closer to her, giving it another sniff.
The Traveler was quite fond of these, it seemed. Despite being new, just given, their scent clung to the small gemstones inside. She plucked one out, lifting it higher.
Stardust hit her nose, a odd scent to be sure, but one that still fit. It was cold, like inhaling a mouthful of cryo, but thicker. It reminded her of both of them, the odd pair they were. Something unlike Teyvat, yet still beloved.
She turned back to look at the Traveler. They were still scuttling along the ground, now yipping at Paimon to 'Help me look!!!', and 'Now I'll NEVER be able to pull Dottore!!!!!'. She felt a fresh wave of guilt hit her. She didn't want to take something so important, but there wasn't a better option, not with the pair on such high alert.
What to do... What to - Oh!
She pulled back a single gemstone, inconsequential to them, hopefully, but everything to her.
The rest were resting in the pouch. The pouch that she dropped to the ground, right outside of their view, and then scrambled away.
Columbina did not wait to hear their sound of discovery, taking the chance to zoom away, away from any chance of being found out.
She needed to visit the Curatorium. Quickly. Nefer worried her the most, with how sharp she was.
Sometimes, Columbina would get lost in Nasha Town, and one of the Curatorium employees would appear from somewhere. Jahoda, full of smiles and nerves yet somehow radiating a confident energy, or Nefer, firm and guiding and so so sure. They would lead her into their building, seating her on one of the sofas. She was never there as a client, no, she was there as something else. Ashru would rub his head against her leg, and Nefer would usher Jahoda to get a drink for her. Columbina would sit, a victim to their hospitality, as the scent of perfume would waft around her.
She had to try hard to notice it, to smell their scents truly.
Jahoda was easier, strawberries and machine oil. The scent was bright, cheerful even, and went right along with her emotions. Not too strong, but not subtle. Just kept under wraps.
Nefer was harder. Columbina had only smelled it once, when Nefer had given her a fake smile to hide a grimace of pain one night. She would smell something sharp, just barely against her tongue, before it faded. She asked the Traveler about it later, giving a false question to rise it out of them. Henna Berries, a Sumeru specialty. It was fitting, just as it was fitting that Nefer hid it so aggressively.
The Curatorium was empty when she got there. The door was quiet, not even creaked as Columbina pushed it open.
She didn't linger. She already knew what she could take.
Something simple, something replaceable. Something that wouldn't be missed, that was just enough to tide her over. She could already feel some symptoms of her heat sinking in.
Two cat toys were in her grasp. A small mouse, and a longer toy topped with a feather. The whiff of strawberries, freely given, and the subtle smell of henna berries. Unhidden in the presence of a cherished pet.
A clatter broke Columbina out of her musing, as a soft voice, most likely Jahoda, sounded from somewhere behind her.
She was gone by the time Jahoda returned to the front desk, panic and calling desperately to the 'client' that she had missed.
Flying above Nasha Town was a easy feat, her wings carrying her far above the buildings. Aino and Ineffa's home was in view, nestled away from the main bustle.
Being here sometimes made her nose itch. The constant stench of oil and metal was too much, sometimes, which was why she preferred the genius pair visiting her. It always made her smile to see Aino carry a bag of scraps, wanting to see Columbina yet not wanting to put down her work. Ineffa would bring snacks, always something new for the Goddess to try. Krumcakes for Aino, some delicacy freshly programmed for Columbina.
She glanced at the house, a mixture of scraps, peppered with a cheerful coating of moss.
She then looked down.
The ground near the house was absolutely covered in tools, ranging from tiny little screws to massive hammers. If Columbina knew how to whistle (she still didn't - Flins had tried to teach her once, but hadn't been able to finish because he couldn't contain his laughter at her expense), she would probably have done it now.
Voices sounded from inside the house, loud and energetic.
Columbina wished that she could at least of seen them. She felt like a thief, skulking around and swiping things from under their nose.
But the alternative seemed so much worse.
Her fingers grasped at a few scattered objects, nuts and bolts barely bigger then her pinky. Then, a single wrench. These wouldn't be missed, and there was no doubt they would hold that same smell. Neither of the pairs scent came from their gender, instead simply from their work. Still, it was no less comforting.
-----
Columbina could feel her heat growing stronger. It wasn't debilitating still, a state she didn't think was possible with the authority she held, but it still was uncomfortable. The prickle under her skin was growing, and the warmth in her stomach started to feel like a burn.
The route to the fatui encampment was easy, what with its size. Same with the entryway.
Sandrone had told her about it, before her death. About how to enter the building, about where her room was. She had said it with a blush, refusing to meet Columbina's eye. She had treated it like a bother, like she had been forced into telling her all this.
Columbina hadn't gotten the chance to meet with her, to smile at her knowing the doll would smile back.
The hallways felt empty, and far too cold.
Conversation could be heard, floors and doors down. Snippets of orders, casual chats between friends, even the occasional roar of laughter.
It didn't mean anything, not to Columbina.
The door to Sandrone's room opened easily. No one had bothered to lock it, not after her death. What would be the point? A dead harbinger wouldn't complain.
Columbina sneezed. It was dusty.
Even despite the expected layer of dust, it still looked unused. Bedsheets looked seldom touched, and the only mark of life was the occasional trinket that lay scattered around, or the fabric visible in the wardrobe. Her gaze landed on the desk first.
It didn't smell like Sandrone. It smelled like a blazing forest, ashy and acrid to her nose.
She hadn't smelled that in a long time, not since Arlecchino had departed. She had grown used to it in the past, a commonplace among the medley of scents at the teaparty.
Columbina hadn't realized how she had grown to miss it.
How she had grown to miss the both of them, until they reappeared in Nod Krai.
It was silly, what the smell was attached to.
She remembered the small smile that had graced Arlecchino's lips, when she had seen the cat ears. It was something small, hidden, yet no less endearing. Perhaps Arlecchino had left them here, or Sandrone had swiped them from her, yelping about the dignity of a Harbinger.
Swiping the ears into her pocket came without a second thought. Whoever came to clean out the room, whether they had already started or had yet too, they would not take them. They couldn't have this reminder of that night.
Columbina paused, sniffing the air. The smell of brimstone was strong, but under it, she could barely smell Sandrone. She had asked the doll about it, blissfully unaware of how rude it was, why she had a scent. Most mechanical beings behaved similar to a secondary gender, sure, but lacked a direct smell. Something about uncanny valley, Ineffa had told her later, years after she had first asked Sandrone. But Sandrone's answer still stuck with her.
"Because he wanted me to be... more real."
Sandrone hadn't given another answer after that, and Columbina hadn't asked. She would later realize that Sandrone's scent did not change with her mood, like many other omegas, but stayed consistent. It reminded her of a candle, the way the exact same smell, never souring, always surrounded her.
She smelled of water, and something Columbina couldn't place.
She never got the chance to ask her what that was.
The closet was the last place unscoured, and as the doors opened beneath her fingers, she caught the subtle smell.
She buried her face in the nearest dress without another word.
She didn't want to cry, not now. Sandrone wouldn't want that, would poke and prod and puff up like a bird, and Columbina would laugh and giggle in turn.
Her fingers dug into the fabric. It rubbed against her stinging eyes. She wanted to hug Sandrone. But she couldn't.
The dress was harder to stuff somewhere, and Columbina didn't want to tear it. The smell was barely there, most likely a old design of Sandrone's, but it was enough.
If she hid her head in it, she could pretend like it was another tea party. Like Sandrone and Arlecchino sat around her, and she simply couldn't hear the soft conversation.
Like they were both still here, a arms length away.
She managed somehow, even if the seams of her pockets seemed nearly bursting.
Leaving out the same window she came in from was easy. The hallway was still empty, still void of any life. Columbina didn't want to stay in this shell of a place, not when she wasn't here. Columbina didn't want to think about what it would look like in a month, when Sandrone's traces would no longer linger.
Columbina had already taken flight before her brain could respond, leaving the train of thought behind.
Flin's, for once, living so far away benefited her.
He always appeared at the oddest times. While the others seemed to have a schedule, or atleast a reason for visiting, he would simply appear. Columbina had gotten used to a blob of black and purple appearing in the corner of her 'sight', and had even made a game out of it. She liked trying to see if she could sneak up on Flins first, or if he would succeed in sneaking up on her.
She let him win sometimes, just to see the small, triumphant smile he had. Columbina was used to the cloying, almost playful one that adorned his face usually, but the more gentle one that followed him as he laughed at her expense was harder to see.
Flin's smell was also unique, more then anything else. He made no bother at hiding it with her, she had noticed. It reminded her of Arlecchino, in a way, but less... Aggressive. Like the dying embers left out to cool, yet not without life. It was a comfort, the easy routine the two shared. They were never big on conversations, simply enjoying to wander. She liked finding small trinkets on the ground, and he liked collecting them, letting out the occasional whistle (that she had still yet to learn) when something of interest was stumbled on.
This time, she did not deign to play their game.
Her heat had begun to bridge between uncomfortable and outright painful. The prickles had progressed to pins and needles, goosebumps shivering down her arm. Her head swam for a moment, her feet unsteady as she landed on the sandy beach.
Columbina was glad Flin's had shown her his collection once, preening at the different puzzles he had slotted together.
He surely wouldn't miss one of the 'unpuzzled' ones, her heat addled brain convinced her. She almost paused for a second. She didn't want to steal anything important! If it wasn't puzzled together, then maybe it wasn't important...
She almost yelped as the soft jingle of chains sounded behind her, and Columbina rushed behind a gravestone, despite the kuuvahki still hiding her presence.
Flins had left his house unattended. She slipped behind him, not paying attention to the glance he cast backwards.
The storage for his collection was easy to reach. Even easier to find the unfavored bones. She scrambled to grab two, odd and misshapen and resembling a almost cartoonish depiction of one. The rush to shove them into her pockets resulted in one falling, and as she reached down to grab it, she dropped the other.
Tears prickled at her eyes. She never enjoyed how heats made her feel, like a pool of water suddenly beset by ripples.
A creak sounded behind her, and she froze.
"Lady Columbina?"
The soft voice of Flins broke the silence. Columbina didn't wait.
She secured the memento from Flins, before she dissipated in a burst of kuuvahki.
Flins stood alone in his storage room, staring blankly at the rifled through boxes, the soft scent of his friend still clinging to the room.
-----
Columbina was really starting to feel at her limit. She had always spent her heats alone, holed up in her room. This much effort before a heat was unlike her, and her body knew it. Not even vast amounts of kuuvahki could stop her from feeling out of her element.
The last stop was going to be a quick one, she thought desperately. Her cave was calling. She wanted to collapse in her bed of flowers, surrounded by the scent of her family.
Finding the Favonius Keep was easy, and the cheering and singing only made this easier.
Varka, for once, had joined the festivities. She wasn't as close with the Grandmaster, but the few times they had interacted had already had her calling him a friend. He was kinder then he looked, and always ready to engage in whatever interested her at the moment.
Columbina held a special place in her heart for when he let her carry around his claymores, even more when she had convinced him to try and mimic her own fighting stances.
It was easy to follow his scent, avoiding the strongest trail for obvious reasons, and instead catching a empty bottle. How fitting, for the smell of dandelions to lead her to dandelion wine. A scent that matched the Grandmaster perfectly.
She took to the skies once more, ignoring the hush as a small, black and pink messenger slid into the keep, making quick conversation with Varka.
Columbina's last stop. Nicole. It made sense that she would be the last one to visit. She didn't even know if Nicole considered her a friend, but Columbina did.
She wouldn't be here without the angels assistance, without her help in anchoring her identity to this world.
Her head was beginning to pound against her skull. Maybe she was wrong about being stronger then this.
Heats didn't feel like this, but this wasn't a usual heat. She had never tried making a nest before - Maybe the urge to do so meant her heat was worse?
She shook her head.
The cottage. She had never actually visited it, and only heard about it from Traveler. To be exact, her and Nicole had never 'hung out' like the rest of her friends. She didn't even know what memento she could find... Maybe another branch, like the one she took for Lauma? A statue seemed hard to carry, and none of the decorations seemed to be loose...
Her thoughts trailed off. A seelie was languidly floating infront of the house.
Columbina sniffed once. She sniffed twice. The seelie smelled of wax. The seelie smelled of Nicole.
She swooped down, more akin to a eagle then anything angelic or maidenly, snatching the seelie from it's spot waiting. It wriggled and seemed to be saying something to her, but Columbina couldn't tell. She simply nuzzled against it, breathing in once, twice.
All her friends were there. She could rest, safe in her heat, safe with them around her.
Gathering her kuuvahki again, she felt herself fall, weightless, as the scenery around her changed from soft purple birch, to the usual field of blue flowers.
Columbina hummed, raspy and tired, as she released the seelie from her grasp. She began to empty her pockets, gently cradling each of her treasures.
Lauma's branches. The lakkaberry scent, soft and inviting and kind. She put those down first, right next to eachother.
Travelers primogem. She tucked that behind her. She almost felt ashamed for taking it, despite the comforting, alien smell it brought.
Ashru's cat toys, carrying Nefer and Jahodas aroma. Near her shoulder, not far from Lauma's trinket. She didn't want to separate them.
Aino and Ineffa's tools. Metal hit her nose as soon as she removed them from her pocket. Those were placed a little farther away.
Arlecchino's cat ears. A giggle left her mouth as she held them over her head. It was so silly, to have such a violent scent attached to it. She thought about placing them on her own head, but discarded the thought, instead placing it nearby the cat toys. It felt fitting.
Sandrone's dress. She paused for a moment, before curling around it. She twisted around, the fabric eventually falling below her as Columbina buried her face in the fabric. She needed to breath deeply to smell her, beneath the scent of dust.
Flin's bones. Looking at them more, she almost felt a sense of unease fill her. Yet, she didn't want to part with them. The thought of, after all her efforts, shunning the reminder of her friends left a sour taste in her mouth. She tucked them under her wing, out of sight yet still there.
Varka's wine. She was glad it was empty, or the smell of wine may have left her feeling unwell. It only hit her now, just how sensitive her nose felt. It was alright, though, as the only scents around her now belonged to the people she loved.
Finally, Nicole's seelie. They hadn't gone to far, and though they still seemed to be talking, a language Columbina couldn't remember if she knew, she didn't mind. Her large wings moved to envelope the little creature, swooping them into Columbina's grasp. She nuzzled against them.
Columbina lay, surrounded by the mementos of her friends. No pillows cradled her back, and no blankets swathed around her to protect her from the cold. It wasn't necessary, not to her. She wouldn't even know how to arrange them. She had never learned how. The best she could do was scatter the items around her, a mimicry of a nest.
She curled her wings around her. It was her nest, full of her loved ones.
And that was enough for her.