Archive of Our Own

Ryland is just getting ready to leave the school after all class work is finished for the day. He takes his time Packing up his bag, watching out the window as the last stragglers of students waiting for parents to pick them up, leave. It’s a bit later than he had intended to stay but he didn’t mind that much. Besides what else would he do?

The school year is almost over. He’s got so much grading to catch up on. Plus he wants to make up review sheets and study guides for his student's finals. Hmmmm he should probably stop by and check his school mailbox. Make sure there wasn’t anything from administration, other teachers, or his students. He had been neglecting checking lately. Both because he kept forgetting or had been too busy to stop by and because of an assignment he handed out about 2 weeks ago right before the weekend. Just a fun little time waster after he finished his lesson plans early and wanted to switch it up a bit.
He told the students to write letters to their future selves about their favorite topic of science so years down the line they can look back on their passions. Told them to leave them in his mailbox when they were happy with it. It was just extra credit and he didn’t want to rush his kids so that’s what he landed on.

His bag is so stuffed full of papers to grade, he doesn’t know how he’s gonna fit anything else in it. He can’t exactly hold it in his hands whilst riding a bike. Ehhh he can make it work. Hopefully there isn’t that much in his mail box to add to his stack.

Oh shoot he needs to make the test up as well. He could probably use the study guide as a template. Yeah that would work.

He walks up to his mailbox and thankfully it isn’t overflowing with stuff. Just a small handful of forms, late work, and a few of those letters. It makes him smile seeing some of his kids take the improvised assignment seriously.
He snags them and tries to fit them into his bag then goes to get his bike for the ride home. Well… maybe he will stop somewhere to get some food first.

Once he finally returns to his apartment he pulls papers from his bag. He should really start working on all the test prep seeing as thats a priority but that will also take the longest. There’s not too many of these extra credit letters, maybe 7 of them- and besides all he has to do is grade them. He also wanted to get them back to the kids so they could save them for when they were older. Yeah he will start with those then grade some other assignments before he starts on the actual beast of his work for the night.

The first one he picks up is sealed in a pink envelope covered in gold glitter gel pen. Bit over the top. Also he didn’t remember having pink envelopes to hand out. Who knows, maybe they grabbed one from home or something.

He opens it and looks at it. First off whoever wrote it tried to use cursive. More like failed at it if he’s being honest. He can barely read what it’s saying the writing is so bad. And what he can see, the spelling is actually atrocious. He has no clue which of his kids this belonged to but he’s not one to judge. Maybe they were practicing on their own. To be fair these poor kids had their curriculum changed halfway through the school year only a few years back and stopped learning it because it was no longer a requirement. Maybe they were trying to keep up with the skill? He’s not one to judge. he's the teacher who is supposed to support. he loves that part.

He grabs a red pen and slowly starts to grade what he can. He gets about 2/3s of his way through the letter when dread starts to tense up his shoulders. He goes back and tries to read it from the beginning now that he has a little context to fill in the blanks from what he couldn't make out before. This isn’t what he asked the kids to write about at all. He slowly puts it down on the table like it’s about to poison him and looks at it feeling extremely uncomfortable.

This isn’t a letter to someone’s future self. No, this was a letter addressed to him. A love letter it seems.

No. Just no.

He knows sometimes kids have crush’s on their teachers but these kids should be to young for that. Like… those are actual childre- ICKGHHHH
He shakes the thoughts away before he fully wiggs himself out into a panic attack.

This is fine. Everything is fine.

It’s really not but he can’t think like that right now.

Should he report this? Things like this could get out of hand fast and he’d be in so much trouble for such a simple misunderstanding that if it got twisted he could lose his job. Again. No he can’t do that. That would probably just make everything worse.

He shakes his head again and rubs a stressed hand through his hair. He needs to figure out who’s this is then go from there. One step at a time. Then he can find a way to tell the kid to not… think about this kind of stuff.

He can barely think about this stuff as an adult. He’d never been inclined to have thoughts like this at any point in his life. He just… didn’t really care about… love. He was fine being on his own. He tried once and found he just… didn’t like it. Grossed him out more like, but that’s fine. It didn’t have to mean anything. It’s just a fact of his life.

But he also grew up along side Colt who very much had desires like this all the time. Colt thought Ryland did to and was just hiding it. Tried picking on and teasing Ryland about it relentlessly until Ryland finally built up the courage to explain his feelings to Colt. Well, after he finally identified said feelings at least.

Colt is simply the best. Once he got his head out his ass that is. he was super defensive over Ryland and watched his back. Accepted the fact he’d never have any possible sister or brother in laws. Was completely chill with the fact that Ryland did NOT want to hear about sex talk with any of Colts girlfriends. He was just that. Chill.
It made him smile everytime colt would scare off anyone trying to flirt with him cause it meant he could stay in his little shell and be happy. Happy and not worry about a misunderstanding.

But now there is a misunderstanding in front of him his brother can’t save him from.

That is, until he finally looks at the bottom. It’s signed. The signature is beautiful actually. The cursive is scrawled flawlessly. Quick easy strokes that speak of practice. a lot of practice. It’s to… good and developed to be a middle schoolers.

Ok! Crisis averted. It’s not from a kid. But it’s still a love letter addressed to him and he isn’t exactly happy about that anymore than he was a few seconds ago.

Wait a minute. That signature looks familiar somehow. Where does he know that from? Why would he know it? Why on earth would he be able to recognize someone’s signat-

Holy crap

It’s movies. People sign things for movies. He remembers Colt practicing his autograph before he realized stunt people don’t really get recognition like ever. But he does remember one person who kept signing things when he’d been on set with Colt the ONE time he was talked into going.

Tom Freaking Ryder.

Wait wait wait. What? Why is some big shot movie star sending him a letter? Even more so, how the heck did he find the school he teachers at??? Now he’s just very confused.

Ryland stared at the signature for a long moment like if he looked at it hard enough it would spontaneously rearrange itself into literally anything else.

It did not.

Still Tom Ryder.

Still somehow real.
He slowly looked back up at the glitter covered envelope sitting on his table like it had personally betrayed him.

“…Why” he whispered to absolutely no one.
The apartment, unsurprisingly, did not answer.
His brain tried very hard to process this logically.

Maybe it wasn’t actually Tom Ryder. Maybe someone forged it. It’s possible. Except it’s very frowned upon to forge celebrity autographs and tom had a very unique one that would be very hard to copy.

Maybe he was hallucinating from the stuff they did in lab today.
Actually that last one felt at least slightly statistically possible.

He cautiously picked the letter back up again, squinting harder at the words now that he knew who wrote them.
The contents somehow became worse with context.

You shine brigter than any star in the galaxy

“No.”

Your brain is very intox cool

“No thank you.”

The way your mind works facinate me, it is judt so beutifule

Ryland physically put the paper face down on the table.
He sat there in complete silence for a few seconds. Maybe longer, the room was kinda spinning and time got weird.

He finally got up and paced into his kitchen because suddenly the apartment felt too small.

What the heck was happening. He’d met this man one time. One singular time.

What even…

He opened the fridge blankly and stared inside without actually seeing any of it.

Maybe this was normal celebrity behavior. How would he know? he's a civilian. 
No. This couldn’t be right.

Surely famous people didn’t just… locate random middle school science teachers and send them handwritten glitter letters.

That sounded illegal somehow. Also deeply inefficient.
Why was the letter pink? Why glitter of all things?
Who in their right mind even voluntarily used glitter pens these days?

Actually no. He knew the answer to that one.

Tom Ryder. Apparently.

He closed the fridge without taking anything out.
This was probably Colt’s fault somehow.
Not intentionally. Colt wouldn’t intentionally give someone Ryland’s work address.

Probably.

Wait, no. Colt absolutely wouldn’t.

Which raised an even worse question. How did Tom find him? He’s not hard to find but he’s also a nobody. He made sure of it after he got publicly shunned back in the day.

Ryland’s stomach twisted unpleasantly.

Nope.
Nope nope nope.
This can’t be happening.

Who even sends weird love letters these days? Letters currently contaminating his kitchen table.

He walked back over carefully like approaching a live explosive.
Then picked the letter up by the corner with visible suspicion.

There was more writing at the bottom he hadn’t read yet.

P.S. I think you’re very misturious.
Ryland frowned immediately.
He wasn’t mysterious. He wishes he was but he wasn’t. He taught seventh grade science and was called a doofus by his own brother.
That was the least mysterious lifestyle imaginable.

P.P.S. Colt says you like space documentaries so I watched one. Just for you <3

Ryland froze.

“…Colt.”

That little traitor.

He grabbed his phone immediately and opened his texts.
Then paused.

Actually no.

If Colt knew about this he’d probably go all attack mode and overreact immediately.

Which... Fair.

No this was probably a prank. That would explain why an A-list celebrity had somehow mistaken him for someone important enough to contact.

Because surely this was a misunderstanding of some sort.

Tom Ryder was probably just… overly friendly. Towards his main stuntman‘s identical twin brother. Or thought this was how he could contact Colt? Although why do it like this? He’d known him for like 12 years and this has never happened before. Although until recently tom didn’t know Colt had a brother. Apparently.

Actors were weird.
Maybe this was networking or something… along those lines…

Maybe celebrities just wrote aggressively complimentary letters to everyone.

Actually no that sounded insane. But how would he know?
Ryland sat back down at the table and rubbed both hands over his face tiredly.

He really did not understand this at all.
Humans were exhausting.

Maybe Colt knows what this is.

Ryland stared at his phone for another long moment before finally pressing Colt’s contact. The ringing felt weirdly ominous. He almost hung up before Colt answered.

“Hey Ry, what’s up?”

Ryland immediately relaxed a fraction at the familiar voice. Colt sounded normal. Casual. Distracted. Probably cooking or accidentally setting something on fire. He’s done that a time or 2.

Good. That was good. normal and comfortable and predictable. 

“Uh.” Ryland looked at the glitter envelope again with deep distrust. “I have a weird question.”

Colt snorted softly. “That sentence from you could mean literally anything.”

“Did you… give Tom Ryder my address?”

There was a loud crash on the other end of the phone.
Then “I’m sorry, did I WHAT?!”

Ryland winced and held the phone away from his ear. Something else clattered loudly in the background.

“JODY” Colt yelled away from the phone “GET IN HERE THIS IS A CODE RED.”

Ryland blinked.
“…That sounds concerning. And I also feel like your blowing this way out of proportion.”

“What about your address? Did he send you something?” Colts voice edged somewhere dangerous but Ryland just frowned at it.

“…Maybe.”

“Ryland.” He could hear how Colt grit his name through his teeth.

Ryland glanced at the letter again like maybe it would vanish if he avoided eye contact long enough.

“It might be a prank.”

“What did that asshole send you.”

“Hey, that’s rude first of all. And it’s… uhhh… its a letter.”

There was dead silence.

Then Colt inhaled so sharply Ryland heard it through the phone.

“He did WHAT?!”

Ryland nodded instinctively before realizing Colt couldn’t see him.

“Yeah that was kinda my reaction too.”

“THAT PSYCHOTIC SON OF A—” Colt cut himself off with what sounded like physical restraint. “Okay. Okay. I need details. Right now.”

Ryland sank down deeper in one of his kitchen chairs.

“Well, It’s pink.”

“Holy shit.”

“And glittery.”

“Oh my SHIT.”

“And he said my intellect was intoxicating but he struggled with the spelling.”

A strangled noise came through the phone.

In the background Jody could faintly be heard asking, “Did Tom finally snap?”
“YES” Colt shouted immediately. “HE’S MAILING LOVE LETTERS NOW. TO MY BROTHER! AFTER I TOLD HIM TO LEAVE HIM ALONE”

Ryland rubbed at his temple.

"I thought it was one of my kids assignments and started grading it before I realized."

colt started wheezing laughter, braking through his indignation to laugh at tom for a moment "what grade did you give him? please tell me it's as bad as I think it is" colt begged

ry winced at the penmen ship "it's... pretty bad"

colt cracked out another laugh before sobering up "seriously though, this can't be real"

“It has to be, why else is this abomination inside my home?” Ryland said carefully. “I really don’t understand why.”

 Colt groaned like a man in deep spiritual pain.
“Because he has a crush on you. believe me when I say I don't know why, but he does”

Ryland frowned immediately. “No. Theres no way that's real”

“It is though.”

“No, just, no. I met him one time.”

“I know.” Colt groaned

“He talked about himself the entire time.” Ryland itched inside his ear not against his phone.

“I know.” Colt whisper yelled.

“He can’t actually know me enough to think he likes me.” Ryland argued

“I know that.”

Ryland pinched the bridge of his nose hard enough to hurt.
None of this made sense.

“That’s not…” he started slowly. “That’s not how attraction works.”

Colt barked out a hysterical laugh. “THANK YOU!”

“Like biologically speaking there’s not enough information available for him to have formed meaningful emotional attachment.”

“You’re using science words to rationalize a man who thinks Mercury is a type of cake icing.”

Ryland blinked.

“…He thinks what?”

“Not the fucking point ry!”

“No I think maybe it IS the point.”

Colt groaned again.

Ryland looked back down at the letter.

“I genuinely thought this might’ve been like a networking PR assignment thing or something to mess with you.”

“RYLAND! come on, your not that dumb”

“Well I don’t know how famous people work!”

“They do NOT work like this.”

“Okay… but are you sure?”

“Yes I’m sure! I work with them remember?!”

Ryland went quiet for a second.
“…He called me mysterious.”

“He also once called a burrito emotionally transformative. Tom says dumb shit all the time.”

That somehow did make Ryland feel marginally better. Only marginally.

He still felt strange and itchy under his own skin.
Not scared exactly. Just… deeply uncomfortable.
Like all his routines had suddenly shifted half an inch to the left.

“I don’t understand why he found me. or how” Ryland admitted finally, voice quieter now. “That part’s weird.”

Colt nearly spat a scoff in pure distaste.

“Yeah” he said flatly. “That part I definitely don’t like.”

Ryland swallowed. Because yes. Exactly.
The letter itself was bizarre and confusing and embarrassing. But the fact Tom had somehow located his workplace after meeting him one singular time… That sat badly in his stomach.

“I didn’t tell him anything” Colt said immediately, serious now. “I swear Ry, I never would.”

“I know.” And he did know.
Colt could be dumb as rocks sometimes but he’d never intentionally cross that line.
Still.

“…I just can’t figure out how he found me?”

“Probably internet bullshit” Colt muttered darkly. “You were in the news enough back then, somebody could probably dig stuff up if they tried hard enough.”
Ryland physically flinched at the mention of it.

Colt instantly backtracked. Knowing then even after all this time it was a sore subject.
“Sorry. Sorry. Forget I said that.”

“No it’s okay.” It wasn’t really okay. But Colt sounded guilty enough already.
Ryland folded the corner of the letter anxiously between his fingers.

“What am I supposed to do with this?”

“Burn it.”

Ryland blinked. “Well That feels dramatic.”

“HE SENT A GLITTER LOVE LETTER TO YOUR HOUSE. Burn it ry or I swear I am gonna lose it. I’m being so serious.”

“…erm. Technically it was in my school mailbox.”

There was a beat. Then Colt’s voice rose several octaves. “HE FOUND YOUR SCHOOL?!”

Ryland immediately pulled the phone away from his ear again and blinked away the ringing in his ears from the volume.
“Oh wow okay, maybe don’t yell.”

“RYLAND THAT IS SO MUCH WORSE!”

“I mean. Maybe not? It’s public information technically. And I feel like it’s better than it being my home.”

“That does NOT make it better!”

Ryland frowned at the letter again.

Objectively Colt seemed more upset about this than he was.
Ryland mostly just felt bewildered. And vaguely hunted. Which maybe should concern him more.

“I think he thinks this is romantic?” Ryland said uncertainly.

“Yeah well Tom also thinks we are friends so he’s not exactly grounded in reality.”

That got an unwilling snort out of Ryland.
“There you are” Colt said immediately, sounding relieved just to hear him laugh. Like the fact that Ryland isn’t fully spiraling over this is enough to keep Colt from losing his shit
“Okay. Listen to me carefully. You do not have to respond to him. You do not owe him anything. If he sends more weird shit tell me immediately and I’ll handle it.”

Ryland smiled faintly despite himself.
“By handle it you mean threaten him?”

“I mean commit crimes. Actual crimes.”

“That’s generally frowned upon.”

“I’ll make an exception. I already told him to back off and obviously it didn’t stick so I just need to up my game.”

Ryland shook his head fondly. Then looked back at the aggressively pink envelope still sitting on the table.

“…I really don’t understand feelings.” he muttered.

Colt snorted. “Buddy, neither does Tom.”

Ryland perked up, suddenly suspicious “wait hold on, you and tom talked about this already?”

Jody who was apparently silently listening after Colt called her in piped up “yeah I was wondering that as well”

There was a split second of absolute silence.
The kind of silence that immediately told Ryland Colt was hiding something.

“…I don’t know what you’re talking about” Colt said way too cautiously.

Jody snorted loud enough for Ryland to hear it clearly through the phone.
“That was the least convincing thing I’ve ever heard.”

“I handled it” Colt insisted defensively.

Ryland narrowed his eyes automatically even though Colt couldn’t see him. He stared right at the letter “well obviously not very well.”

“It’s tom we are talking about, he’s a dumb twat face! He’d never get the hint even if it bit him in the ass!”

Ryland sat up straighter in his chair.
“…Colt. You didn’t really answer my question.”

His twin groaned dramatically.
“It’s not important.”

“If it wasn’t important you wouldn’t sound like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re hiding a body!” Ryland stressed.

“I do NOT sound like that.”

“You absolutely sound like that” Jody chimed in helpfully.

Ryland frowned harder.
Something weird prickled at the back of his brain.

“You talked to him about me. Like actually.”

Another pause.
“…Unfortunately.”

Ryland blinked slowly.

“What does unfortunately mean?”

“It means Tom is insane and anytime I talk to him is unfortunate and a massive waste of time.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“I told him to leave you alone!”

“That implies a conversation happened first.”

“RYLAND.”

“No, now I’m curious.”

Jody laughed openly at that.
“Oh this is fantastic. Keep going Ry. He’s getting quite agitated.”

“You’re not helping Jody” Colt muttered.

“I’m helping ME.” She laughs brightly.

Ryland folded the edge of the glitter envelope tighter between his fingers. it was looking quite... upsettingly folded at this point.
“How much did you tell him?”

“Basically nothing.”

“Colt.”

“VERY little.”

“…Colt.” Ryland sighed deeply

“I may have mentioned you like space documentaries. once. Accidentally I might add. I was trying to scare him off but it obviously didn't work out very well”

Ryland stared at the wall in betrayal.

“That’s why the postscript exists.”

“Huh?”

“Not important. You told him where I work?”

“NO.” The answer came instantly and firmly enough Ryland believed it. Not that he doubted it but he had to be sure.

Okay.
Well That at least settled one knot in his chest.
Still.
“…Then how did this happen?”

“I DON’T KNOW.” Colt sounded genuinely distressed now. “He’s like a very determined golden retriever with access to money and no self-preservation instincts.”

“That is the strangest sentence you’ve ever said.”

“Not even top ten.”

Jody laughed again in the background.

Ryland looked back at the letter.

“…Did he actually mean any of this?” Ryland asked quietly before he could stop himself.

Colt immediately went silent.

Jody did too.

Ryland regretted asking almost instantly.

“Nevermind” he muttered quickly. “That was a weird question.”

“No” Colt said immediately, voice softer now. “No, it’s not weird.”

Ryland picked absently at the edges of the paper. small shreds appeared as the paper fibers softened. 
“I just don’t understand how someone decides this after meeting a person once.”

“Tom decides a lot of things after meeting people once. it's that damn ego of his”

“That doesn’t explain anything at all though.”

“I know.”

Ryland slumped further into the chair. The whole thing still felt surreal. Like somehow he’d accidentally walked into someone else’s life problem.
“This kind of stuff always feels fake to me” he admitted quietly. “Like… exaggerated. People in movies make eye contact twice and suddenly they’re in love and ruining their lives about it and I just…” He waved vaguely even though nobody could see him. “Don’t get it.”

Colt was quiet for a second. Then, gentler “You don’t have to get it.”

Ryland swallowed. Because Colt had always been good about that once he understood.
He teased sometimes. A lot, actually. But never cruelly. Never in ways that mattered.
“It’s just weird being on the other side of it” Ryland muttered.

“Being the target?”

“Yes.”

“Well” Colt said grimly, “you’re handling it better than I did.”

Ryland frowned immediately.

“…What does THAT mean.”

“Nothing.”

“Colt.”

“Nothing!”

Jody made another suspicious humming noise.

Ryland narrowed his eyes harder.

“You absolutely fought with him already.”

“No.”

“You definitely did.”

“Nope.”

“Colt.”

“Ryland.”

There was a pause.

Then Jody completely betrayed Colt not knowing the bees nest she just walked into.
“Him and tom have been going at it for days now”

“JODY!” Colt said high pitched with stress. Ryland could hear them physically fighting over the phone.

“Toms been calling you his soulmate.”

“JODY!” Colt screamed in the background “STOP PLEASE!”

“And then Colt almost threw a chair.”

“THERE WAS NO CHAIR THROWING!”

Ryland blinked several times as the room seemed to tilt. “…Soulmate...” he nearly choked on the saliva gathering in his mouth

“HE WAS JUST BEING DRAMATIC! I swear to you!”

“Colt?” Ryland suddenly felt like he was gonna throw up. He’d been having a mostly ok phone call till just then and suddenly everything felt like to much again

The phone feedback settled making him think Colt got the phone back in his hands and he yelled into the speakers like the louder he said things the more true it would be “HE SAYS THINGS, LIKE ALL THE TIME. HE DIDN’T MEAN ANY OF IT!”

Ryland stared down at the letter in growing horror.

Oh. Oh no.

this was worse than he thought. This wasn’t weird celebrity weirdo behavior. This was actual feelings behavior. That was somehow infinitely more terrifying. He realizes now that this is very real.
Colt continuing to yell is not helping in the slightest. His words are losing meaning more the blood rushes through his head.
His stomach dropped so hard it genuinely hurt.

“Oh” he said faintly. It was the only thing he could manage to squeeze out.

“Ry?” Colt’s voice immediately changed. Less yelling now. More alarmed. “Hey. Hey buddy.”

Ryland pressed the heel of his hand against his sternum hard enough to hurt hoping that would solve everything.

Because no.
No no no.

This couldn’t be an actual feelings thing.
That was worse. Way worse than some dude just having fun.
Weird celebrity behavior he could rationalize. A publicity thing. A misunderstanding. An actor being bizarre and overly friendly.
But actual attraction? Like Actual romantic intent?
That made everything feel suddenly sharp and wrong and deeply overwhelming.

“He actually likes me” Ryland whispered.

Colt made a strangled sound. like he didn't want to admit it as much and ry didn't “Unfortunately yes.”

“I don’t-“ Ryland stopped abruptly because his throat suddenly felt too tight.

His apartment felt wrong now. Too hot. Too small. Too loud despite being silent. This was to real.
His skin prickled unpleasantly.

“Oh no” Jody muttered somewhere in the background. “Colt I think he’s spiraling.”

“I Know that!”

“Don’t yell at him!”

“I’M NOT YELLING AT HIM.”

“You’re literally always yelling!”

Ryland barely heard them.
Tom liked him. Tom Ryder. A famous actor. very famous. like everyone knew him famous. he could have anything he wanted and he set his sights on this loser of a science teacher.
An actual person with actual feelings directed at him specifically. A person who could act on his feelings and is.

His brain absolutely rejected the concept.

“But WHY?” Ryland blurted suddenly, voice pitching higher. “He doesn’t KNOW me. He met me ONE TIME. I was literally eating dry cereal in a trailer because your set was too loud!”

“I KNOW” Colt said quickly.

“I barely spoke!”

“I KNOW.”

“I thought he was annoying!”

“That part might actually be why.”

Ryland froze. “…What.”

Colt immediately realized his mistake. “Oh no.”

“Oh my word” Ryland whispered in horror.

“Okay listen-“

“No because now that’s worse somehow!”

“It’s Tom logic! Tom doesn’t function like a normal human!”

Ryland stood up abruptly and started pacing.

“Nope. Nope nope nope. I do not like this. I do NOT like this.”

“Okay but define ‘this.’”

“All of it!” Ryland stressed. “The LETTERS. The soulmate thing. The fact he FOUND me somehow!”

“At least He’s not dangerous-“

“That is not helping!”

“I’m trying to help!”

“You just told me a celebrity tracked down my workplace because he thinks I’m his soulmate! and that he liked me because I didn't care for him like any of his fans do”

“When you say it like that it sounds bad.”

“IT IS BAD.”

Jody snorted helplessly in the background.

Ryland pressed a hand over his eyes.

His thoughts felt scrambled now. Too many all at once.
Tom liked him. Romantically. On purpose. The sheer concept made his stomach churn violently.
Because Ryland had spent his whole life carefully avoiding this exact situation.
People liking him like that always became complicated. Messy. Expectations and pressure and feelings he couldn’t return correctly.
And Tom was intense already after one meeting.

One. Meeting.

“Oh geez, what if he tries to kiss me” Ryland said suddenly in absolute horror.

Colt went dead silent before he suddenly exploded
“ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT.”

Jody burst out laughing at colts anger. Yeah the situation was scary but the boys reactions were quite entertaining.

Ryland felt genuinely nauseous now.

“I can’t do that” he said quickly. “I really can’t do that. I don’t want that. I don’t like that.”

“He is NOT gonna kiss you” Colt promised immediately.

“You don’t know that! He’s like super famous and famous people always get what they want!”

“I will physically stop him.”

“That’s still not helping!”

“I’m trying REALLY hard here, Ry!”

Ryland made a distressed noise and crouched down beside his kitchen table because suddenly standing felt too difficult.

His pulse was too fast. Everything felt wrong. Everything WAS wrong.
The glitter on the envelope seemed offensively bright now in the lighting.

“This is why I don’t talk to people” he muttered to himself frantically. “This is exactly why. You meet one actor and suddenly he’s writing glitter manifestos about your intellect.”

“That sentence is insane” Jody wheezed.

“I KNOW IT’S INSANE”

Colt sounded panicked now too which somehow only escalated things further.
“Okay okay okay. Listen to me. You are fine. He’s weird but he’s harmless.”

“He found my SCHOOL.”

“Okay yes that part is horrifying.”

“COLT.”

“Sorry! Sorry. Bad wording.”

Ryland dragged a hand through his hair hard enough to pull at it.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to DO.”

“You don’t have to do anything. I’ll do.”

“But he sent me a letter.”

“You can ignore it!”

“But what if he sends another one?!”

“Then I’ll kill him.”

“THAT ISN’T A NORMAL RESPONSE.”

“Neither is MAILING GLITTER CONFESSIONS TO A SCIENCE TEACHER YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT!”

Ryland curled tighter against the cabinet beside him.

Objectively, Colt was trying to comfort him.
Subjectively, Colt sounded one inconvenience away from hunting a man for sport.
Which was not calming. At all.

“I think I’m gonna throw up” Ryland admitted weakly.

“Ah shit.” Colt sounded immediately horrified. “Okay no no no. Don’t do that. Breathe first.”

“I AM breathing.”

“You’re doing it weird.”

“How would you know?!”

“Twin telepathy.”

“That’s not scientifically real.”

“Neither is Tom apparently, but here we are!”

Jody was fully cackling now.

Ryland, meanwhile, was actively dissolving into stress.

“I can’t date someone” he blurted.

“You don’t have to!” Colt said but Ryland was barely listening.

“I don’t even understand how people DO that.”

“I mean it’s really not that huge for normal people but that’s ok you don’t get it.”

“And he’s famous!”

“I KNOW HES FAMOUS, EVERYONE DOES! NOW CHILL THE FUCK OUT.”

Ryland breathed shakily.

Then immediately ruined it again.

“…What if he sends flowers?” he whispered genuinely horrified

Colt inhaled sharply like this possibility had never occurred to him before.
“Oh that motherfucker better not. I already tried to talk him out of the cereal.”

“What about cereal?!” Ryland squeaked

“Uhhh, you know what? don’t worry about that”

“I am worried about it!”

“WELL DONT BE!”

“Cereal?!” Ryland repeated, horrified now on an entirely new level. “Why is cereal even involved?!”

Colt immediately made the sound of a man realizing he’d accidentally revealed classified information.
“Okay but before you react-“

“That sentence means I absolutely SHOULD react.”

“It got handled.”

“Colt.”

“It was intercepted.”

“COLT.”

Jody was losing it in the background. for someone who called him sweet all the time and was super gentle with him, this was quite rude on her part. although this was very ridiculous 
“Hah! are we telling him about the shipping container?”

Ryland went completely still.
“…The what?”

There was a loud thud like Colt had physically fallen into something.
“Jody please, I am literally begging you to stop helping.”

Ryland’s stomach dropped another six feet somehow.

“…Colt” he said slowly, carefully. “Why are the words shipping container and cereal in the same sentence.”

“Okay technically nothing happened yet.”

“YET?!” Ryland squeaked.

“Because I stopped him!”

“STOPPED WHO FROM WHAT?!”

Colt inhaled sharply like a man preparing to enter battle.
“…Tom wanted to buy you a shipping container full of cereal.”

Silence.
Absolute complete silence. Ryland’s brain simply stopped functioning.
“A…” he said faintly. “A what.”

“A shipping container. Of cereal.”

"real cereal?"

“Yes.”

“Like.”

“Uh huh.”

“The giant metal things that go on cargo ships.”

“Yep.”

“Filled with nothing but cereal?'

“Yes.” colt said tiredly

Ryland stared blankly at his kitchen wall.
His thoughts disconnected like unplugged wires.

Jodys open wheezing hadn't let up in the slightest
“He said and I quote ‘Ryland deserves abundance.’”

“IT WASN’T MY IDEA!” Colt yelled instantly. “I TOLD HIM IT SOUNDED LIKE CULT BEHAVIOR.”

Ryland slowly slid further down the cabinet until he was lying fully on the cold kitchen floor.
“He wanted to send me industrial quantities of cereal.”

“He said you looked sad eating dry Frosted Flakes”

“I don’t like the milk.” Ryland said weakly like that would fix everything.

“He found it ‘incredibly endearing.’”

Ryland physically covered his face with both hands and screamed.

“Ok so ignore the fact how literally INSANE that is, That’s enough cereal to feed a small village!”

“I SAID THAT TO.”

“And why a SHIPPING CONTAINER?! Why not, like, one box?!”

“Because Tom doesn’t understand moderation” Colt answered immediately. “He experiences one emotion and suddenly he’s trying to financially ruin himself at Costco. he is impulsive like that.”

Jody snorted so hard she coughed.

Ryland peeked through his fingers in genuine distress.
“…Would it have been different cereals or all one kind?”

There was a pause.

Then Colt muttered, deeply disturbed
“…he wanted to buy whatever company had it and send you everything they had in stock so you could have variety”

Ryland dropped his head against the floor with a quiet thunk as Colt continued.
“He said he wanted you to ‘never know hunger again.’”

“I literally have a job.”

“I am very aware of this ry.”

“I can buy my OWN cereal!”

“I KNOW.”

“And why is this apparently romantic to him?!”

“He knows you at least enjoyed cereal and thought you would appreciate it, then he watched one documentary about medieval courtship rituals and became unbearable. Just be glad he didn’t see any of the bird dancing courtship videos.”

Ryland made a tiny strangled noise.

Because somehow, SOMEHOW
the shipping container made this feel even more real.
Not less.
If it had just been flirting? Fine. Weird, horrifying, but theoretically survivable. Because that he can just pretend its normal words and forget it ever happened after he could manage to stop thinking about it months later.

But a SHIPPING CONTAINER? full of cereal? That required planning.
Research.
Financial commitment.
Potential freight coordination.

potential primal bird courting???

That was terrifyingly sincere behavior.

“Oh no” Ryland whispered, fresh horror blooming. “He’s serious serious.”

Colt immediately softened.
“Yeah, buddy. Unfortunately.”

Ryland’s stomach rolled violently.

Because that was the actual issue.
Not the cereal.

The sincerity.

Tom apparently genuinely liked him enough to attempt bulk grain-based flirting.

And Ryland had absolutely no idea what to do with that.
“I don’t understand why this is happening” he admitted weakly.

“I don't know man.”

“I literally sat in silence eating dry cereal because your movie set was overstimulating and I needed to stress eat something before I passed out and it was the only thing that seemed appealing at the time.”

“And somehow he interpreted that as adorable.” colt made a vomit sound

“I wasn’t trying to be though!”

“Tom hears no language but his own.”

Ryland pressed both palms into his eyes and tried to breath but the panic was gripping his lungs.
Everything about this felt deeply unfair.
He’d spent years carefully constructing a quiet little life where nobody expected romantic things from him. He taught science. To kids. Ignored his coworkers. He spent all day grading papers instead of going out.
He watched documentaries about black holes and rainforests and other cool things that the everyday person would think is lame.
He ate cereal for dinner sometimes because he lived on a teacher's salary and he hated cooking and sometimes couldn't stomach real food because a day was overwhelming but knew he needed to eat anyway and cereal was one of those easy things that he didn't feel to pressured to try and force down

That was supposed to be enough. To live life as comfortable and as unobtrusive as possible.
Now apparently an emotionally unstable celebrity had decided those things were attractive.

“What if he actually sends it” Ryland said faintly. “How is this my life?”

“Because apparently” Colt said grimly “you’re catnip to idiots with too much money. Although this time the idiot likes you”

Ryland made a weak distressed sound. He’d rather people hate him and never talk to him again for his opinions. it happened before and he survived just fine.
But… he also hated making people upset.

“…What if he thinks I rejected the cereal.”

There was a beat of silence.

Colt groaned like his soul physically left his body.
“No, you are not about to start worrying about his feelings.”

“I’m NOT.”

“You literally are.”

“I just don’t want him to feel bad!”

“RYLAND.” Colt sounded genuinely distraught now. “HE TRIED TO BUY YOU A FREIGHT CONTAINER!”

“I know, but he meant well!”

“That somehow makes it WORSE.”

Ryland stayed curled on the kitchen floor, pressing his over heated body into the cool flooring while Colt continued having what sounded like a stress-induced spiritual crisis through the phone.

“You cannot seriously be defending the cereal thing right now.”

“I’m not defending it” Ryland mumbled weakly. “I’m just saying intentions matter. Politely”

“His intentions were to economically destabilize the breakfast industry in your honor.”

Jody made a choking noise in the background that was probably laughter. He didn’t know anymore, he’s to wrung out.
Ryland squeezed his eyes shut harder.
Everything about this conversation felt fake.
Like at some point someone was going to jump out and tell him he’d accidentally wandered onto a prank show.

Unfortunately Colt sounded way too genuinely upset for that.

“I don’t understand how this became my problem” Ryland admitted quietly.

“Because you made eye contact with a famous idiot” Colt answered immediately. “Rookie mistake.”

“I didn’t even really make eye contact. I was actively avoiding him.”

“Apparently that made it worse.”

Ryland groaned into the floor. Of course it did.

There was a brief rustling sound over the phone before Colt sighed heavily.
“Okay. New plan.”

Ryland eyed the ceiling suspiciously.
“Why does that sound ominous.”

“Because I’m taking control of this situation before Tom decides your favorite food is oatmeal and buys a wheat farm. Or buys nasa. I have no idea.”

“That is not reassuring.”

“It’s not supposed to be reassuring. It’s supposed to be preventative.”

Jody hummed thoughtfully.
“To be fair, I do think Tom would buy literally anything for someone he likes just to woo them. But he’s also an asshole who wouldn’t back off easily.”

“JODY.”

“What? I’m contributing.”

“You are contributing to my early death.” colt grumbled

Ryland let out a tiny helpless laugh before he could stop it. The sound startled all three of them silent for a second.
Then Colt immediately softened again.
“Ah! He lives.” He said brightly and reassuringly.

Ryland rubbed tiredly at his face.
“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know. Melting down on your evening.”

“Ryland.” Colt sounded genuinely offended now. “You found out a celebrity tracked down your workplace and tried to court you via bulk cereal purchases. You are allowed to freak out.”

“…When you phrase it like that it sounds bad.”

“Because it IS bad.”

“It’s also kinda ridiculously funny” Jody admitted.

“It is NOT funny.”

“It’s a little funny.”

“Jody, he almost gave my brother a panic attack!”

“Yeah but the sentence ‘he wanted you to never know hunger again’ is objectively hysterical in this context.”

Ryland pressed both hands over his face again because unfortunately she was right.
The whole thing was so absurd his brain genuinely couldn’t hold onto fear continuously. It kept slipping sideways into disbelief.

“…I still can’t believe he watched a documentary for me” he muttered.

Colt immediately groaned.
“Oh no. Nope. Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“The thing where you start feeling guilty because the weird millionaire was earnest. Don’t make any of this behavior seem acceptable.”

Ryland frowned at the ceiling.
“I’m not guilty.”

“You sound guilty.”

“I sound stressed.”

“You sound like you’re about to apologize to him for not accepting the cereal.”

Ryland opened his mouth.
Paused.

“…I mean rejecting someone is usually considered hurtful.”

Colt made a noise of pure anguish.
“HE DOES NOT NEED A GENTLE LETDOWN FROM YOU. HE NEEDS THERAPY.”

Jody absolutely lost it at that.

Ryland couldn’t help snorting quietly himself, tension easing just slightly from his chest.
Only slightly though.
Because underneath all the absurdity was still the terrifying truth that Tom Ryder apparently genuinely liked him.
And Ryland had no idea what to do with being liked like that.
He’d spent so much of his life carefully making himself difficult to notice.
Quiet.
Predictable.
Safe.
People usually lost interest once they realized Ryland wasn’t going to flirt back. Wasn’t going to magically become emotionally available if they pushed hard enough.
But Tom apparently saw Ryland try and fail not to lose his mind on set and went: yep. That one.

Which honestly felt deeply weird.

“What if he keeps trying?” Ryland asked after a moment, quieter this time.

Colt went quiet too.

Then calmer
“Then I’ll handle it.”

“You can’t fistfight an actor every time he has emotions.”

“Watch me.”

“That’s illegal.”

“Only if they catch me.”

Jody snorted.
“I’m pretty sure threatening celebrities is also bad for employment.”

“I’m a stuntman, Jody. My employment already depends on poor decision making. Besides, he started it. This is just me retaliating”

Ryland smiled faintly despite himself.
Man. He really did love his brother.
Even when Colt was catastrophically overprotective and yelling loud enough to rupture windows, Ryland never doubted for a second that Colt was on his side.

“You really already argued with him about this?” Ryland asked quietly.

Colt groaned immediately.
“Yes.”

“How bad?”

“…Medium bad.”

“Colt. Don’t lie to me.”

“Okay fine maybe regular bad.”

“COLT!”

“Alright alright. We had a conversation. More like me being talked at and completely ignored while he had stars in his eyes thinking about you but I made it quite clear that I’d staple his nostrils shut in his sleep if he ever tried anything.”

Jody gasped.

Ryland just stared at his ceiling.
“…You can’t do that.”

“I can do what I want.”

“You can’t just…”

“He was being annoying ry! You have no idea the rage this man sometimes makes me feel.”

Ryland shook his head helplessly as he sat back up.
Then his eyes drifted back toward the table where the the letter and offending envelope were sitting abandoned on the table.
Thinking about it wasn’t as sharp and alarming now. Just sits uncomfortably in his chest.
Because under all the panic and confusion and absolute social nightmare of this situation…
Tom apparently hadn’t meant anything malicious.
Just intense. WAY too intense.
Like an overactive puppy who accidentally gained access to celebrity wealth and zero supervision.

Ryland sighed deeply.
“…I still don’t want flowers.”

“You are not getting flowers.”

“And definitely no shipping containers.”

This was his life now apparently.

He taught seventh grade science. He graded late homework. He bought generic cereal because brand names were too expensive. And somehow an actor had nearly imported industrial breakfast supplies to express affection.
What an absolutely ridiculous existence. a complete and total nightmare really.

“…I need to go grade papers” he said finally, exhausted beyond belief.

Colt immediately sounded wary.
“You sure?”

“No” Ryland answered honestly. “But if I keep thinking about this I’m gonna dissolve into dust.”

“That’s fair.”

There was a pause.

Then Colt spoke more carefully.
“Hey. Ry?”

“Yeah?”

“You really don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do here. Okay?”

Ryland swallowed.
Because beneath all the yelling and threats and cereal-related catastrophes, that was the actual thing Colt was trying to tell him.

“You’re allowed to say no, ya know” Colt continued softly. “Even if he’s famous. Even if he means well. Even if he’s being… whatever the hell this is.”

“A disaster?” Jody offered.

“A romantic terrorist” Colt corrected immediately.

Ryland laughed again. Tired and shaky, but real.
“…Okay. I hear you” he murmured.

“And if he try’s anything else-“

“You’ll commit crimes. Yes. I gathered that.”

“Good. Just checking.”

Ryland shook his head fondly.
“You’re ridiculous.”

“Says the man currently being courted via freight shipment.”

“…I hate that this is technically true.”

“You absolutely should.”

Another quiet moment settled between them.

Then Colt added, much gentler this time,
“For what it’s worth… I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you not understanding this stuff.”

Ryland went still.

“You don’t gotta force yourself to feel things the same way everybody else does” Colt continued. “Tom being weird doesn’t change that. Don’t let it change it.”

Something in Ryland’s chest loosened a little at that.
Because yeah.
That was the real fear under all of this.
Not just Tom.
Not just the letter or the concept of potential other gifts...

The expectation that Ryland was supposed to react correctly to being wanted.
Supposed to magically become someone who understood romance if the right person liked him hard enough. or that someone that many people wanted but couldn't have wanted him out of everyone else
But Colt wasn’t asking that from him.
Never had.

“…Thanks” Ryland said quietly.

“Always.”

Jody sniffed dramatically into the phone.
“Aw. The twins are having emotions.”

“Shut up, Jody.”

“Never.”

Ryland smiled despite himself as he finally pushed himself up off the floor.

The glitter envelope still sat on the table waiting for him.
Offensively pink. Almost a warning.

But somehow slightly less terrifying than before and slightly sweet if not deeply concerning.

Still weird though.

Very, Very weird.

He gets up and grabs the letter and throws it into his trash can so he can put this behind him.

Tom’s… tom. He will get over himself and forget all about Ryland.
Everything will work itself out… hopefully.