Chapter Text
A Shame She's Not a Fag
All of their late night talks, back and forths, banter, hugs, the “play”date, the times where it felt like Jade West, the cool-blooded girl, liked her back.
As a friend.
Maybe more.
Over an acting role. Over the 20 second span where Tori was supposed to collapse into Jade West’s arms—yes, Tori counted every second. Where she’d hold Jade so hard, having to force herself separate from her only when she heard Jade’s voice in her ear: “Tori” that’s all she had to say before Tori pushed away. She was supposed to hate it. Deny the role. Be petty. Keep these frenemies going. But god, it was so difficult for Tori.
‘And the longer than you stay, the ice is melting’
‘And the pain it feels okay, yeah it feels okay (heyyyy)’
‘You push me back, I’ll push you back, you scream at me, I'll scream at you,’
‘Louder, louder, louder,’
Ironic timing. Tori bites her lip to keep herself from screaming. Of course, just of course Jade decides out of all times to practice, it’s now. Maybe it was on purpose, Tori wasn’t too far from just barging down the band room door and yelling at Jade to stop. She found it reasonable, Jade probably wouldn’t. And Tori kinda needed a ride to school tomorrow. And her life. Maybe.
Tomorrow was the opening night. The night that mattered. Neither Jade or Tori could mess up. But it was impossible when both girls were at each other’s neck. Been at each other’s neck since Tori entered the school. And it was totally Jade’s fault.
All of it. Yet, Tori always came back to her.
Talking to Jade was like putting your hand in an open flame and being shocked when it hurts. But there’s a reason masochists exist, isn’t there? Maybe she wasn’t sexually into pain, but there had to be a reason she was like this. One Tori didn’t like.
And it was clear Jade didn’t like it either.
‘You push me back, I’ll push you back,’
‘Harder, harder’
‘You scream at me, I’ll scream at you’
‘Louder, l-l-l-l-louder’
‘I’m dangerous, I’m warning you’
‘But you’re not afraid of me’
‘And I can’t convince you’
‘But I don’t have to’
The only thing Tori can hear is the pounding of her heart, the ringing of her ears.
‘I think you know me’
The music fades, coaxing everything into a silence. Louder, emptier silence than before. It felt worse than it should. Tori collapsed inwards, elbows falling on her knees as she held her head in her hands. She can hear the remnants of voices from the band room, cheering, celebrating, telling Jade just how good she is. Tori felt mocked. She didn’t care to wipe her tears, she let them fall, let herself feel as pathetic as she looked.
Worst of all?
She could hear Beck calling Jade “babe.”
She imagined them together. Hugging, holding hands, kissing. Whispering into each other’s ears about how much they loved each other. Tori felt sick.
Tori grabs her bag off the floor and leaves, deciding the day was better spent at home.
Where she didn’t have to be near Jade and Beck.
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tomorrow came. Much to Tori’s dismay.
She’d not only have to see Jade at school, but she’d have to see her in the morning too. Have to play as Jade’s husband in a play she was starting to despise. Tori really didn’t think this through. She glossed over her closet, picking something and putting it on. She hated feeling like this. Hated being all sad over a girl. Sometimes, Tori wished she was straight. Wish she had those butterflies in her stomach whenever Beck kissed her.
Then she’d be normal.
She’d be the Tori Vega everybody knows.
“Torriii,” Her older sister, Trina, calls her name. “Jade’s here!” Tori curses under her breath. Of course Jade was early. She probably only did it to piss Tori off.
Something Jade loved doing apparently. Tori grabs her bag and rushes down the stairs, muttering bye to her parents and practically skipping through the front door. Beck’s 1967 Pontiac GTO sits in her driveway, showing off all its glory. Jade honks.
“I’m coming.” Tori mutters, swinging the door open and practically melting into the seats, a large sigh escaping her lips.
“You look like shit.”
Tori felt like it too.
“Gee, thanks Jade. That’s like”—she pauses—“the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” She says sarcastically, rolling her eyes. Jade hums, starting the car and driving off. The entire car ride is silent, and for once, Tori doesn’t try to fill it. Soon they arrive at Hollywood Arts.
“Thanks for the—”
The doors lock.
“Jade. Open the door.”
“No.” Great. Just what Tori needs. “What’s with you? You usually talk my ears off by the time we’re here.” Jade says.
Tori shrugs, “just…tired.” She lies.
“Bullshit, Tori. You’re not acting like yourself.”
Instead of answering the question, Tori turns to Jade. “Why do you care? Why should I tell the girl who hates me what’s wrong?” Silence. Loud silence. Really loud. For once, Tori’s left Jade speechless instead of the other way around.
“You think I hate you?”
“Yes, Jade. I do think you hate me.” Tori says, her voice raising in anger, “since the day I’ve stepped into Hollywood Arts you’ve made your feelings loud and clear: “I hate Tori Vega.’” She was sick of this, sick of keeping it bottled up.
In silence, Jade unlocks the car. Not saying another word. Tori doesn’t say anything either as she grabs her bag and leaves.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The day is easy, at least physically. Tori focuses on her work, trying to distract herself. She has a project, so she focuses on that. It’s the perfect excuse to skip lunch. She sits in the theater box, locking the door behind her and just typing. Words spill, messy and surely needing a grammar check, but she can’t stop. She just needs to get everything off her mind onto paper. Unsurprisingly, she ends up writing an argument similar to the one Jade and her had this morning, but with a different ending. A confession. A kiss. Her heart burns and swells at the same time.
Burns because Tori knows, deep down, this is how she wanted that argument to end.
And swells because Tori is a sucker for romance. No matter how mad it can make her.
The end…?