Chapter Text
It's me, I fuck these relationships up, don't I? its all MY Fault.. the reason I can't keep a stable relationship. I mean.. it's not just the Romantic side.. My son hates me just as much as everyone else. I can't keep ONE stable relationship and I wouldn't even be surprised if Buck hated me too..I should probably just end it right here right now.. everyone would be much happier if i did that..wouldn't they? My son is in the other room.. he probably wouldn't even notice or care that much if I 'accidentally' overdosed on these pills... plus he'd probably much rather Buck as his dad. He did say that after all.
I stare at the pills which had been poured into my hand, counting each one as i slowly put them into my mouth and swallow. this was pathetic. it would take at least half an hour for that to kick in fully. i grabbed my phone, deciding to message buck before it kicked in. if it took half an hour, i would have plenty of time to tell him how i really felt. I opened Bucks Chat and slowly began to type.
Evan. Please don't be upset by what I am about to tell you. This was the only thing that I could think of doing to make you and Chris Happy, i don't want to be a burden anymore. you're legally the guardian of Christopher now, and I know that you won't let me down. He would much prefer you to be his father than me right now. I am glad that i met you, Buckley. i will forever be grateful... even if this is my time to leave, i will always be watching over you and Chris. you two are my world. it is nor yours or Chris' Fault. the only fault it would be is my own for being a terrible father and best friend. you helped me hold on this long, and i love you. i'm sorry i never told you sooner. you deserve to be constantly reminded of how much I love and appreciate you. through whatever we have been through, i never stopped loving you, even when you were a dick. but i will always forgive you. how can i not when you give me those precious puppy eyes? i will miss them.. i really will. i don't know if Chris will be able to process or understand what is happening, but please tell him that i love him and i will always be watching over him, words can not express how much you both mean to me, and i will forever regret Ruining everything between us. i know that he hates me, and i know everyone else does, i wouldn't be surprised if deep down you hated me too.. but i am sincerely sorry for everything, Evan.. if i could change everything i would. hopefully in another universe - one where i don't fuck everything up - you would love me the way i love you. and we could all be one happy family. The Buckley-Diaz family has quite the ring to it, doesn't it? I wish that i could stay longer to see how you feel about this, but my time is up.. please take care of Chris for me. i love you, Evan Buckley. Goodbye.
finally, the message was sent. and there was no going back now. i watch as the one grey tick became two, and within seconds, the two grey ticks became blue, meaning that Evan was finally reading the message. I couldn't help but smile and tear up as my body became limp and it became harder for me to breathe. My phone slipped out of My hand as three small dots appeared at the bottom of the screen. he was typing.. but i cant even read it. i have no energy to move.. i could hear my phone ring a few times before it stopped. i forced a smile onto my face and shut my eyes..
it was over... i would no longer fuck everything up.