Chapter Text
“Dumbfuck author, dumbfuck novel!”
With his dying breath, Shen Yuan spits out that final curse. Life, a merciless bitch as it has always been, spits back in his face.
In the endless darkness, the voice is all that exists:
[Activation code: “Dumbfuck author, dumbfuck novel! The system has been automatically activated.]
“What…?”
And then, the pain. It's a sharp pain, different but familiar. It shoots through his head from one side to the other, like that time when the oxygen deprivation in his body sent him to the ICU, believing he was going to die, that finally, after so many years of suffering, his time had come. And perhaps he didn't die that night, but it might have prepared him for this very moment: without a physical body, without sight, without breathing, without feeling anything but pure, absolute pain.
[Welcome to the System— YOU CAN YOU UP NO CAN NO BB— Magnificent FIRST CLASS— Let's hope— enjoy!!1!1]
[error, error, error—]
[Downloading update patches…]
[Updating…]
[—ERROR 0X0000012B]
And, in the midst of the chaos, through a cottony cloud that slowly numbs his senses of pain like a cold anesthetic tide over open wounds, a man's voice gently asks next to his ear:
“…Shidi? Shidi, can you hear me?”
There isn't much to see, but everything is new. A bed. An antique, white gauze canopy. A paper fan. A handsome, elegant young man in a traditional black robe sits beside his bed, looking at him with concern. Everything is xianxia. Nothing is something Shen Yuan could identify as his own or even as real.
Shen Yuan isn't stupid, though. He's read enough transmigration novels not to be a fool about it, and he's read enough immortal master and cultivator novels to know how to keep a face and emulate neutral traits and flowery language without even having downloaded his character information yet.
When it happens, it's with a:
[Syst— act ??? LUO BINGHE'S SHIZ— SHEN QINGQIU. INITIAL B POINTS: 100.]
[CORRUPTED MEMORY FILE. UNABLE TO UPDATE. ABORTED RESTART.]
[THE SYSTEM HAS NOT BEEN SUCCESSFULLY ACTIVATED. WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE!]
What the fuck?
──・──・・✧ ・・──・──
“Dumbfuck author, dumbfuck novel!”
With his dying breath, Shen Yuan spits out that final curse. Life, a merciless bitch as it has always been, spits back in his face.
“Shizun! Shizun, wake up, quickly!”
Shen Yuan opens his eyes. He struggles to focus, a dull ache shaking his head almost to his teeth; the image before him—a sweet boy with anguished eyes and fluffy, disheveled hair! His wretched gaze is enough to break his heart. Where are they? Where is he? Were his Da-ge's fears about his online friends completely unfounded, and had they really kidnapped him for talking trash on the internet? Would anyone be crazy enough to do that? Would they demand a ransom?
The boy exhales in relief when Shen Yuan makes eye contact with him, even through his dizziness and the worst headache he's had since that time he was dehydrated and ended up in the ICU. His eyes sparkle like stars, and he repeats, “Shizun,” in a tiny voice.
Shizun? Seriously, kid, what novels do you read at your age? Who's your Shizun?
There's a tug on the ropes binding him, and Shen Yuan becomes aware of his physical body, something that feels strangely broad and wide, unlike his thin, scrawny arms. He turns his head and twists his shoulders, as astonished as he is disgusted by the horrific attempt at shibari against a chest that clearly didn't belong to him—he has never done any physical activity to have that body! But he can't see the other person tied to his back. Even so, he hears her sobs, and a softer, more feminine voice whimpering: “Shizun, Shizun!”
And, like the cherry on top, a bright window appears directly in front of his eyes.
[OOC. -50 B Points]
????
Really?
It's not terribly difficult to figure out what's going on once he connect the dots, even with few clues to work with. Shen Yuan closes his eyes tightly, frowning, trying to concentrate despite the pain that shakes him every time he strings together two or three coherent thoughts—something logical beyond being surprised and trying not to look as utterly idiotic as he's sure he must be looking.
He just transmigrated, of course! But now what the hell? What world does someone just transmigrate into and they're already deducting points? What kind of lousy character is he transmigrating into to be tied up like a pig about to be roasted?! And half-naked, too!
System, this user wants a refund!
[The Host has not newly transmigrated. The Host has been warned that OOC results in a point deduction. If the Host does not adhere to the character's rules, his B points will be deducted.]
Shen Yuan might let out a cry of frustration.
That's right, an absolute lie! What do you mean he hasn't newly transmigrated?! Seriously, faulty system, 0 out of 5 stars! What kind of terrible customer service is this? Besides, which character has he transmigrated into? Shizun this, Shizun that! Is Shizun really so pathetic that he ends up tied up like a ham about to be roasted?
[…Would the Host want access to the character's data?]
Seeing the enormous number of points the System just stole from him—for something Shen Yuan had absolutely no idea about!—he hesitates. After all, he has no clue how many base points he started with, and a theft of 50 would leave anyone wondering how to manage his life. Depends, is it free?
[Completely free.]
“I’ll take it, then.”
Shen Yuan opens his eyes only to see the window unfold before him.
[Role: Luo Binghe's master, the Lord of the Qing Jing Peak of the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, "Shen Qingqiu". Weapon: Xiu Ya sword. Inventory: Fake Jade Guanyin. Current B Points: 45.]
Shen Yuan—Qingqiu? He exhales shakily. Behind the System window, with those bright, starry eyes and pretty, fluffy hair, that adorable, cute boy can only be Luo Binghe!!
And a giggle is followed by a long, dark silhouette emerging from the shadows.
“What Cang Qiong Mountain, what Qing Jing Peak Lord, this is what you truly are. If Cang Qiong Mountain boasts of being the world’s number one sect and is full of men like this, the day the demon race dominates the Human Realm is close at hand,” says the petty monologue of an average cannon fodder villain, followed by an insane laugh. The voice is raspy, vile, and clearly trying to disguise itself, but Shen Qingqiu is certain he’s never heard such a terrible attempt at speaking with a voice-changing device—and he’s seen his little sister sing into a karaoke microphone with built-in autotune!
To Shen Qingqiu's relief, it is Luo Binghe who speaks.
"You! Skinner demon!"
“That’s right, that’s me!” The clearly pathetic, attention-seeking villain claps its hands in the air, clearly enjoying the five minutes of attention its demonic family has denied it. “That the illustrious sword Xiu Ya has fallen into my hands today—how jubilant! Shen Qingqiu, ah, Shen Qingqiu, even if you try until your wits run out, you won’t be able to guess my identity!”
With a petty villain like that, a dog with all bark and no bite, Shen Qingqiu is absolutely certain that, were it not for this amnesia, he'd have a pretty good idea, if not outright certainty. But, since for some reason (some poison, some curse?) he has no memory whatsoever of his pre-wakeup, he's just feigns disinterest. Acting like a noble, immortal, lowlife villain, of course!
Shen Qingqiu clicks his tongue.
“I’ll bet,” he says, sharpening his voice into his signature acidic tone. Take that, cannon fodder! Villain versus villain, Shen Qingqiu will bet he’ll have the quickest and most forgettable death! It’s this scum villain who will be tortured and dismembered! As if such pathetic monologues could compete with Shen Qingqiu’s cold existence as the main antagonist, “your identity is so ridiculously obvious that even my most ignorant disciple could already know it,” and he fixes his eyes on Luo Binghe. Sorry, little white lotus! It’s necessary to stay in character, and this master expects you to know by now! “Luo Binghe, who is this skinner demon?”
Luo Binghe gazes at Shen Qingqiu with those large, enormous eyes, deep pools of stars and night. His tiny body puffs out like a pigeon puffing out its breast, and he is so adorable that Shen Qingqiu might tear himself free from his bonds just to pinch his cheeks.
“It’s Die-er, Shizun!” Luo Binghe says in a quick, firm voice. He’s a sweet-voiced boy who hasn’t quite matured yet, and even despite all the pain and abuse he’s suffered at Shizun’s hands, it’s clear he still longs for a little of his compassion, some of his approval, maybe even his affection. Ah, what a pity Shen Qingqiu transmigrated into that scum villain and not someone who could be gentle with the poor, tender white lotus. If the System deducted points for fainting, he doesn’t even want to imagine what else that trash will do! “One of Old Master Chen’s concubines!”
Shen Qingqiu is barely able to finish mentally wondering if the protagonist's halo will help with anything Luo Binghe says when, sure enough, the figure's veil is lifted, revealing a woman heavily made up in a heavy, gaudy makeup, saying irritably, “Impossible! How did you guess?”
The situation unfolds as normally as it can, hitting every predictable trope it's supposed to. The villain delivers a ridiculous monologue, and crossing his fingers, Shen Qingqiu sacrificing the sweet little white lotus and hoping his protagonist's halo will kick in… and when it does, the joist collapses on the pathetic skinner demon, giving Luo Binghe the opportunity to take him down and claim victory.
And then, simply: “If this disciple can give up his life for Shizun, it would be an honor.”
Look at that sweet white lotus in action! Shen Qingqiu is deeply moved by such loyalty; what a wonderful disciple. His heart is warmed by the radiance of that sweet child, and Shen Qingqiu soaks it up for as long as it lasts.
The System, too:
[Beginner Rank Mission: Completed. +200 B Points. OOC function unfrozen. From this moment on, you have full control over the Shen Qingqiu account. Congratulations! Please continue working hard.]
Shen Qingqiu takes advantage of his hard-won out-of-character freedom to pull Luo Binghe close, gently pat his head, and help him fix his ponytail. Isn't he the best-behaved boy, really? Look how loyal he was to his scum master despite everything the man did to him! It even makes Shen Qingqiu loathe himself, even though it wasn't his fault!
It isn't until Shen Qingqiu reaches the carriage that he finds a book nestled among his belongings on the seat, just as the disciples arranged it when repacking for their return. It looks like some kind of young lady's diary, bound with dried flowers and all. However, there's a very obvious privacy charm on the front, which clearly seems to be preventing any stranger from trying to open it without receiving something akin to an electric shock.
Shen Qingqiu places his hands on the notebook. A qi familiar to the one he feels in his veins responds to him, and then, as if the book recognized him with just a touch, he is able to open it.
There are several entries on the first few pages of the diary, peppered with sketches of faces he doesn't recognize—there's Luo Binghe and Ning Yingying, but also a stern-faced man in black-collared robes, another man with a tightly styled hairstyle and a small monocle, and writings and explanations on the back. Every single entry and explanation is written in perfect, meticulously detailed English, in his own handwriting.
“You’re not cursed. I know you, I know myself. You’re going to wake up and think, ‘Oh, it’s just some shitty Airplane plot device,’ but fuck, this time it isn’t. It’s not an artifact, it’s not a flower, it’s not poisoning. Don’t you dare mention it or do anything to give it away. Apparently, it’s bad enough that the whole Sect thinks you’re possessed or have amnesia about your past—imagine if they knew you can't even remember what you had for breakfast!!
It’s the System. This trash System moved your stupid ass into a body that’s destined to be turned into a human stick without even checking if you’d have a working memory! A total dev oversight!! A fucking glitch!! I don’t know how it happened, but I found a mountain of notes on it. It’s been at least three days since then—this is literal hell! Fuck you, System!
- Peerless Cucumber.”
━━━━
"The System is a total son of a bitch that lives for point deductions. However, we just snagged a top-tier quest item: Binghe's Fake Jade Guanyin! This thing wipes 5,000 Rage Points in a single use. Total lifesaver if we ever find ourselves in a tight spot!
I haven't unlocked the OOC feature yet, but I'm grinding for it. One thing at a time!
P.S. You might have accidentally :) nuked some disciples with a sharp-leaf technique or something. You had nothing to do with it—if anyone asks, deny everything. And watch out for Yingying. Seriously. SERIOUSLY. That girl is a walking 'trouble flag' for Binghe. She’s more trouble than she’s worth.
- Peerless Cucumber.”
━━━━
“Beginner Mission! The System is a petty bitch and actually deducted points for smiling. SMILING! REALLY?! On the bright side: you can exploit the hell out of its loopholes to do things that should be OOC (like inviting Binghe into the carriage) as long as you provide a 'valid' character reason (like 'granting the request of that spoiled disciple Yingying.') Use the System's own logic against it. Take advantage of that power.
Anyway, whatever. Just secure those 200 points and save us from the OOC lock so we can finally hug the protagonist's thighs. Good luck and don't die.
- Peerless Cucumber.”
━━━━
"Old Master Chen is an absolute garbage human!! Dead concubines, skin-stealing demons... I’m putting all my (scarce???) gold coins on Skinner Demon being Die-er. Seriously, gurl, all that makeup and perfume? Either you’re a pre-revolutionary French monarch with a soap allergy or you’re a corpse trying not to stink. And I’m pretty sure there are zero French monarchs in this xianxia setting, or I’ll have to curse Airplane so hard I’ll start appearing in his nightmares.
Anyway. Good luck with the mission. Let your future self know if you finally unlocked OOC. Go give those thighs a big hug.
- Peerless Cucumber.”
Shen Qingqiu finishes reading, trying to understand more and more. Of course, every entry resonated with him perfectly. Absolutely clever of him! If he didn't have a working memory, what better than to invent one and use it to survive better in that hell? Clever, at least. And even more so by writing it in English: even if someone could find him, he seriously doubted that any fictional xianxia cultivator could even understand the scribbles in cursive handwriting, even if they understood the scrawls in the margins here and there.
"Does Shizun want a brush and ink?" Luo Binghe asks. Ah, sweet little white lotus. Shen Qingqiu forces himself to stare at him with a poker face, even though he wants to smile broadly and pinch those sweet cheeks. So moe! Adorable and cute! He thanks his past self for making Binghe ride in the carriage. What an honor to travel alongside the protagonist and get to see more of this brief stage of sweet little white lotus!
“That Master would appreciate it,” he says. Luo Binghe wastes no time grinding the ink and unpacking the set of brushes. Shen Qingqiu waits patiently, wondering if Luo Binghe had ever done this for him before. He decides to write it down. He decides to note down the small details of Luo Binghe's gesture to preserve as much as possible of that sweet little white lotus that may not live on in his memory, but Shen Qingqiu has always had a good imagination when he reads it in the future!
With the thinnest brush in hand, he carefully loads it with ink and begins to write:
“Beginner Mission: CLEARED! +200 B-Points! The System still deducted 50 for OOC because it’s a piece of trash but screw it. We have 245 B-Points in the green, and the OOC feature is finally UNFREEZING. Shen Qingqiu total domination, baby! Snaps for us!
The mission went fine, except the Skinner Demon (it was Die-er, good instincts!) stripped us a bit. How humiliating. But nothing a low-IQ cannon fodder villain monologue couldn't fix; at least I wasn't the most pathetic person in the room.
Binghe was an absolute gift. Talented, agile, pro-level skills—exactly what you’d expect from the protagonist! A golden halo brighter than the sun!! ♡
Binghe even ground the ink and prepped the brushes. Such a lovely little white lotus, so fluffy. He looks like a sweet puppy with sparkly eyes waiting for headpats. I’m dying to pinch those cheeks. Let me know if you actually pull it off! That would be a legendary milestone!
Good luck with your 'immortal master' duties. Be careful and stop getting us undressed in front of weird demons!
- Peerless Cucumber.”
He lowers his brush and carefully blows on the ink to make it dry as quickly as possible; Shen Qingqiu highly doubts there's any sand in his travel bags inside the carriage to hasten the drying, but since Luo Binghe doesn't offer it, Shen Qingqiu isn't going to risk asking. After all, he should know!
“Is Shizun keeping a mission log?” Luo Binghe asks after a polite silence, his eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. He’s adorable, a sweet, attentive bun, sitting and looking at him with genuinely curious eyes.
Shen Qingqiu smiles. It's a small, pleasant smile on his face, nothing exaggerated or strained, yet it seems to be enough to make Luo Binghe shine like a little sun.
“Something like that,” he admits. This sweet, charming protagonist, so typical of him, had handed him the perfect lie on a silver platter. After all, he'll have to work with many of these notebooks to get a sense of where he stands and what contexts he'll be living in. Every morning! Every single morning! “This Master thinks he could keep a personal log of his students' progress and how they could improve individually. Things this Master needs to consider when evaluating them in the future.”
Carefully close the book once the ink is sufficiently dry. It's rather amusing to watch Luo Binghe's curious gaze drift across the pages, wanting to snoop and frowning slightly when his eyes catch the strokes, though he clearly doesn't recognize a single word. Aiya, Shen Qingqiu would laugh at him, but he wouldn't want to intimidate the poor little bun. So sweet and curious!
──・──・・✧ ・・──・──
“Dumbfuck author, dumbfuck novel!”
With his dying breath, Shen Yuan spits out that final curse. Life, a merciless bitch as it has always been, spits back in his face.
He wakes up feeling more dead than alive. In fact, he thinks, he's still dead! His whole body aches as if a horrible truck had run him over with its wheels and load, what the hell!
Above him, white gauze curtains. On either side, the room is tidy, although some things seem a little out of place to him, but any analysis or investigation Shen Yuan might make of his surroundings is interrupted by a door opening and someone entering.
Shen Yuan straightens up, completely startled by the abrupt sound. The boy, barely older than a teenager, opens his eyes wide, his face contorting with multiple emotions before he throws the tray onto the table rather shakily and began to cry.
“Shizun! You’re finally awake!”
…Shizun? Whose Shizun?! Couldn't one have a normal death and not wake up in some fictional xianxia thing? Had he transmigrated? What the hell!
The boy burst into tears beside Shen Yuan's bed, sobbing deeply, trembling like a pathetic little leaf. By the open door, Shen Yuan could see another figure standing, as if wanting to enter but hesitating. He was startled to see the intense, dark eyes in an adorable little face with soft, round cheeks and messy hair tied in a high ponytail. That child was truly adorable! No adorable face like that should have such a serious expression!
The boy crying by his bed only stops to reprimand the young man at his door: “Why are you still standing there? Don’t you know that seeing you irritates Shizun?”
Shen Yuan couldn't imagine himself being even slightly irritated by that adorable child. Sweet, sweet little bun. What kind of character did he transmigrate into, really? What a shame!
“It doesn’t matter,” he finds himself saying, clearing his throat as the tearful boy’s gaze turns complicated on him. Shen Yuan tries to keep his expression and voice as neutral as possible, unsure of what to do or how to behave. For some reason, his hand itches to search for something, but he has no idea what. And he won’t do something stupid like look for his phone—he already knows he doesn’t have it! “Let him stay.”
The tearful boy stood up, a little shaky; he was a lanky, growing thing, clearly not very handsome, but Shen Yuan didn't think anyone, compared to the pretty boy at the door, could be considered handsome. Everyone was below a 9 when there was a 10 present!
“I’ll go find Liu-shishu, Zhangmen-shibo, and Mu-shishu!” the boy says quickly, almost stumbling over his words as he takes a step or two back from where he’s pathetically fallen to his knees beside him. “They said to tell us when Shizun wakes up!”
And without even saying goodbye or showing any kind of respectful bow, the boy runs away.
Shen Yuan presses his temples, trying to understand what on earth is happening around him . He's acutely aware of his death, however absurd and senseless it may have been, just as he's aware of the dull ache coursing through his veins in the present. It's something strange, heavy, that makes him feel pathetically ill, as if he's on the verge of catching a terrible cold, the kind that would leave him bedridden with fever for days on end. He feels as though he hasn't left his old, sickly body even after his death.
This world… well, these names , clothes, formalities—he had actually transmigrated, awesome! A cultivation world, perhaps? And what kind of transmigration was this, anyway? Without a System to help him from the start—hello, System? He demands a refund for poor service! How can you throw him into this fully active scenario without any explanation of what he's supposed to do!
[…The Host has not newly transmigrated.]
Shen Yuan tenses his shoulders. No!? Then what?
[…Would the Host want access to the character's data?]
That's not even a question!! Shen Yuan could roll his eyes, 0 out of 5 stars, what kind of terrible service! What kind of useless system is withholding such valuable information from a transmigrant!?
[Role: Luo Binghe's Master, the Lord of the Qing Jing Peak of the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, "Shen Qingqiu". Weapon: Xiu Ya sword. Status: Poisoned with Without-A-Cure. Inventory: Fake Jade Guanyin. Current B Points: 685.]
Shen Yuan feels his breath catch in his throat. Luo Binghe? Luo Binghe ?! He…! Shit! He has transmigrated into that damn villain, the architect of the protagonist's suffering, who would be turned into a human stick! Damn it, damn him three times over! What karma is he paying for, huh? Shen Yuan was certain he had never done anything so bad as to warrant this kind of transmigration!
Shen Yuan—Qingqiu, take a deep breath, trying to mask the overwhelming emotions that are making his hands tremble. From the System's cryptic message (how come he didn't just transmigrate, anyway? He only remembered dying and now he's here, damn it!) to being poisoned with Without-a-Cure? That…! That isn’t canon! Didn't Without-a-Cure only affect the young girl who offered her tender youthful flower to the Protagonist as her last wish before dying? Without-a-Cure is nothing but a damn wife plot!! What's that scum villain doing with such poison in his blood, huh!?
Shen Qingqiu finally opens his eyes, adjusting to what he knows and understands about himself, where he is, who he is now. The figure of the starry-eyed boy with the sweet face suddenly has a name that turns his heart inside out and shatters it into pieces. What other character could be so adorable, so sweet at first glance, so charged with emotion even with an expression that tries and fails to be neutral? It can be none other than Luo Binghe.
“Do you have something to say? Then come in.”
Luo Binghe obeys like a good boy. There's no fear in his steps, no tension when he walks toward him. Shen Qingqiu thinks he's a strong fighter because his shoulders are square rather than slumped, a far cry from the elusive stance described within PIDW for the adorable white lotus. Weak for his age, a fake manual, bad moves, not treated with the slightest human decency, and yet, copying the movements of his martial brothers, learning to read at night curled up under Yingying's wing!
Now, the sweet white lotus walks towards him… and with a muffled sound falls to his knees before the bed.
!!!
What…?
Luo Binghe raises his head, his gaze burning, so full of guilt that Shen Qingqiu's heart aches. This shouldn't be happening, up, up!! Every moment of the White Lotus's humiliation is another year of torture for Shen Qingqiu!!
“Shizun, please ignore this disciple’s foolishness and ignorance thus far.”
Ignorance and foolishness! As if such words could ever be attributed to the protagonist!!
“At first,” Luo Binghe continues, his voice steady and far removed from the low murmurs Shen Qingqiu might have imagined for Luo Binghe during his beaten and tortured disciple phase, “this disciple had the impression that Shizun didn’t care about me. Only after the third encounter with the demons in this invasion did I understand the painstaking effort Shizun had made.”
Shen Qingqiu wants to understand, somehow, what the hell the boy is talking about and what he meant. Luckily, Luo Binghe's words provide enough information to give him some context—to place him, at least, in what linear part of the plot. The Sha Hualing demon invasion! Luo Binghe having to face them in the third confrontation!
Shen Qingqiu recalls the slight emphasis on "condition: poisoned with Without-A-Cure" and thinks, fuck. Because a demonic poison like that, of course, could only have been administered at that precise moment and place. And of course, that doesn’t happen in canon!!
Luo Binghe continues with firm seriousness: “From this day forward, this disciple will definitely fulfill his duty, and he will serve Shizun with all his heart, obeying only Shizun’s esteemed orders!”
…this boy.
Shen Qingqiu can’t even begin to grasp the full extent of what has happened, but had it really been so great, so important and significant? Something so capable of winning the forgiveness and devotion of such a sweet and pure white lotus? Not that Shen Qingqiu even knew or could guess!
However, he has a role to play, doesn't he?
He raises his face, haughty. He doesn't let any emotion show on his face as he says, “As long as you understand, it's fine. Now, stand up, don't humiliate yourself before this Master.”
Luo Binghe stands with his head bowed, though. Then, a little hesitantly, he bows deeply and respectfully as he pulls a… book? from inside his sleeve.
“This disciple found Shizun’s logbook after Shizun fainted in Qiong Ding,” Luo Binghe says. It’s more like a diary, with an almost anachronistic sewn binding and pressed flowers glued to the cover. It’s clearly well-worn, and there are loose papers inside. There’s a talisman on the front cover and another on the inside back, and just by looking at it, Shen Qingqiu can assume it’s meant to keep the secret and respond only to him. “This disciple saw Shizun taking notes about his students in it and thought it dangerous to leave it in a place where it could be stolen by demons and used against the Sect. This one wanted to return it to Shizun.”
Shen Qingqiu takes it from his hands. He restrains himself from opening it right then, hoping Luo Binghe will leave… but he doesn't. He looks shy, even, as if he's holding back something he wants to say, words tangled on the tip of his tongue. Shen Qingqiu sighs, trying to channel his villain vibe even with a teenage diary in his hands: “Anything else?”
Luo Binghe seizes the opportunity to speak once Shen Qingqiu has made it clear that he is willing to listen: “Shizun has slept for many days and has just woken up. This disciple was wondering if Shizun has an appetite?”
Shen Qingqiu feels as if he hasn't eaten in weeks, which could very well be his current state. He's more than hungry, considering his newly-revived-transmigrated state, or whatever it is he is right now.
“Quite. Bring this master some food,” he says, channeling all the evil vibe inside him, which probably isn’t much, because Luo Binghe’s eyes sparkle as if he’s been given a prize instead of an order, saying a quick “Yes, Shizun!” before running out of the kitchen.
Shen Qingqiu exhales, tense. He takes advantage of that moment to open the logbook.
His own handwriting slap him in the face.
“You’re not cursed. I know you, I know myself.”
He flips through the first few pages, impressed. There's… there's so much more. Entries that delve into detail, others that are just phrases complementing something previously suggested. Even sketches of people and drawings of places, lesson plans, schedules to maintain a consistent pattern of behavior without anyone suspecting he's forgetting anything, every single day.
Too much information, too much information! But, in his current state, it's all welcome.
He's already unlocked OOC mode. He owns Shen Qingqiu's actions and decisions, so all that channeling of that scum villain was for nothing! He clicks his tongue, disappointed in himself. He'd given Luo Binghe a new cultivation manual and made it clear that bullying is no longer to be tolerated in the sect. He'd also been cultivating for a very long time in the Lingxi caves, and almost all his loose notes dealt with updates on his cultivation or mentions of falling asleep meditating and waking up very confused, and that next time he should bring a damn pillow to sit on. One of his latest entries, however:
“I don't know what plotline we just butterfly-effected into oblivion—yeah, I know, but screw Airplane—but hey, +200 B-Points for this! In the middle of the Lingxi Cave grind, guess who we saved??
LIU QINGGE!! EXACTLY! The God of War of Bai Zhan!! We stopped his death flag! I don't know what he’s thinking, but he officially owes us a favor. Isn't that insane?! Might come in handy when Luo Binghe comes back from the Abyss seeking vengeance. A personal bodyguard!!
He’s got such a pretty face; you’d never guess it was him! Honestly, you might not even recognize him, so I’m attaching a much-needed sketch for future reference. Look at that maidenly face, that beauty mark under the eye—yep, that’s the God of War. If Big Brother Liu looks like that, I totally get why Mingyan wears a veil. LETHAL face card! ♡
Keep cultivating. Meditation doesn't count as sleep, and the memory only resets when we sleep! You can actually spend a week meditating and keep your memories the whole time! Take that, System! Still, meditating instead of sleeping is a total bitch, but it's progress. Use it for the big events.
Beware the demon invasion. Don't die!!!
- Peerless Cucumber.”
It has been written more crudely than in ink, perhaps with some kind of charcoal, like all the entries made in caves. He thinks he might have to ink the page when he has some time, making sure it will be legible if the charcoal gets damaged in the future.
In the time it took him to catch up on his memory, Luo Binghe brings a bowl of congee, patiently waiting for Shen Qingqiu to stop reading so he could offer his help.
Congee is the eighth wonder of the real world, the first in this world, or the second, considering Luo Binghe is the first! Such an absolute delicacy could only be part of Luo Binghe no ryouri's skills! Whatever he did to deserve such treatment…!!
An idea makes Shen Qingqiu smile.
Luo Binghe looks at him like a puppy waiting for approval. Shen Qingqiu, moved almost to tears by the delicacy he is tasting, cannot help but say, “Very good. Delicious.”
And Luo Binghe's eyes, sweet boy!!, shine with such excitement that anyone would say that Christmas has come to him early, what an adorable little boy.
"If Shizun likes it, how about this disciple does this for Shizun every day, with variations, of course?"
Shen Qingqiu's wonderful idea freezes as he chokes. Ah, boy, seriously?! What kind of talk is that! Luo Binghe rushes to pat his back, but Shen Qingqiu waves him away, gently pushing him off as best he can while forcing himself to breathe and not choke. He recently died from choking on food, and it's not an experience he plans to repeat!
And what kind of way is that to speak, Binghe, eh? Anyone with a dirty mind would say you're making advances, not just talking about food!! Shen Qingqiu is sure he must have a fan somewhere to hide his face behind.
Luo Binghe looks distressed, his large, sweet eyes filled with worry.
“Doesn't Shizun like it?”
Shen Qingqiu shakes his head, as if he wouldn't like Binghe's food, out of all of them!
“This Master really likes it. From today on, this Master will leave it to you.”
Luo Binghe blossoms like a beautiful spring flower upon receiving something as simple as his approval. He's such a sweet, kind child. Who would have guessed he's the same one he was destined to become!
Shen Qingqiu feels terrible for having to transform that sweet bun, radiant as the sun, into a broken creature so resentful that neither fire nor blood can quell its thirst for revenge, making even one or three hundred wives never enough to make it feel whole. With a pout, he questions the System.
"Is the plot of the Endless Abyss inevitable?"
[If Luo Binghe misses the Endless Abyss Arc, his Satisfaction points are -10,000]
…No, he could never get that many points ! Look at all the time he’s been transmigrating and he’s still below 1,000! A total scam, that's what it is! Damn it. Sighing, Shen Qingqiu pauses for a moment from enjoying the exquisite meal, trying to let the taste of the smooth white congee help his mind dispel the bitterness of his thoughts.
“Luo Binghe,” he calls, gesturing to his desk with a gesture he hopes is elegant and not just for show. It’s hard to know how to proceed when he doesn't know exactly what to do, but he thinks he’s managing decently so far. “Get a sheet of paper, a brush, and ink.”
“Would Shizun like to make a new page in his logbook?” the boy asks, his eyes sparkling. His expression shines with the typical curiosity of a child who doesn't like to leave things unfinished, and it's clear that at some point he has tried to read what Shen Qingqiu writes and failed completely. Seeing this expression of insatiable curiosity, Shen Qingqiu smiles.
“This Master don’t,” he says, however. What can he write? He just woke up and remembers nothing! “Luo Binghe will make an entry in this Master’s logbook. My disciple will write down what happened during the demon attack in detail, from the beginning.”
Luo Binghe puffs up like a sunflower seeing the sun for the first time after a long, stormy day. His radiance is a precious thing, almost blinding, his smile spreading as if Shen Qingqiu had given him a gift instead of burdening him with more work than he should. Aiya, truly, this white lotus! He's breaking Shen Qingqiu's heart!
“This disciple feels honored!”
He finishes his congee in silence as Luo Binghe writes with dedication and precision. What he gets is a good description of every detail—perhaps dwelling a bit too much on the moves Shen Qingqiu made in the first encounter? He's not exactly sure that will help him, but at least he knows he can boast and fight quite decently—; he barely mentions the two future main wives of his harem, even though he mentions that there was a fight between the Saintess Demon and a disciple of Cang Qiong, he doesn't even specify which Peak! He doesn't even seem to remember their names or jot down any descriptions of them the way he described each of Shen Qingqiu's attacks and moves!
…and then Shen Qingqiu rushed to protect Luo Binghe from the demon's attack. And he was poisoned with the Without-A-Cure when he intervened to prevent the attack from poisoning his disciple. Luo Binghe had overheard his martial uncles' conversation long enough to identify the name, and the fatal consequences that such a poison could bring about.
Well, could Shen Qingqiu be any more of an idiot? What kind of stupid thought had possessed him?! Luo Binghe is the freaking Protagonist, he has a golden halo, of course that poison wouldn't do a thing to him! A cold would hit him harder, really!!
But… but looking at Luo Binghe, shining like a diamond, waiting for his master's approval… Ah. Shen Qingqiu is fully aware that, if despite everything he intervened to protect Luo Binghe, simply because he couldn't stand idly by while Luo Binghe suffered if he could do anything about it.
When Luo Binghe leaves, Shen Qingqiu takes possession of the paintbrush:
"You're going to want to kill me, me from the future, I'm SO sorry, but you've been poisoned!!
I'm not saying it was inevitable, but I'll include the details in the next log (written by the protagonist himself, though it’ll be biased as hell). Honestly, it was probably avoidable. But what wasn't avoidable was seeing Luo Binghe suffer. I know your reaction; I know you, I know myself! If we could take the hit for him, wouldn't we?
The poison is Without-a-Cure.
…Yes, okay, are you done screaming? Done ranting? I get it, I get it, don’t hate me more. But the invasion went well! I secured the lavish hospitality of 'Luo Binghe no ryouri' for you! Binghe is taking over the kitchen now. Look at that massive upgrade—kneel and thank me! Kiss my feet and itadakimasu!
The System says if Binghe misses the Abyss arc, I lose 10,000 points. That is double-dead, triple-dead, five-times-dead. I don't think there are enough side quests in this entire world to grind back even half of that. If you find a way to skip the Abyss, DO IT.
Luo Binghe is a literal ray of sunshine ♡ A precious little bun. An adorable white lotus. He doesn't deserve any of the trash he's been through, or the trauma coming his way.
Damn you three times, Airplane. Drown in cock and suffer.
- Peerless Cucumber.”
Shen Qingqiu is flipping through the charcoal drawings, deciding whether to add more loose identifying face drawings between the pages—apparently, judging by the quick sketch Luo Binghe manages to make with his bright eyes and round cheeks, this body comes with very good artistic skills stored in muscle memory!—hoping to be able to glue them over the old pages in case they get erased when several of his martial brothers come to visit him.
His poisoning will affect him for life, coagulating his blood, affecting not only his spiritual veins but also causing deep wounds to his cultivation. The poison is incurable, they tell him. Shen Qingqiu knows that's a lie, of course; it's a basic plot of PIDW. Like so many other poisons with no other known cure, the poison has a cure.
Shen Qingqiu doesn't even want to think about that.
──・──・・✧ ・・──・──
“!!!!
I don’t know if it’s because the Dream Demon or just the fact that IT WAS A DREAM (????), but inside that mess, I actually REMEMBERED UPON WAKING!! Not everything, obviously, dreams are a glitchy fever dream, but it was like my brain was still in the previous save file. I remembered yesterday as if it hadn’t been wiped yet. I could track everything from the moment I woke up until now, but anything before that? Still a total blank. Anyway, I’m awake now, I remember, and my head is KILLING me.
AND WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THE PLOT? SERIOUSLY. Yingying and Binghe’s expedition into the dreamscape? HA. YOU got dragged into Binghe’s dreamscape. Inception logic is a total nightmare. It felt way too real. You definitely don't want to remember that part, it was a—
Luo Binghe is here. Look, I don't know if tomorrow-you will remember any of this—the dream, the trauma, the plot flags. I hope so, but with this trash System, who knows? There was an… Important Conversation. IMPORTANT. Binghe probably knows about his demonic heritage now, he’s got Meng Mo in his head, and he’s asking all those deep philosophical questions about whether demons are evil. You were a great Master, 10/10 in responses, but you totally went overboard inviting him to move in. And the hugging!! (He hugged you first!! HE’S A PRECIOUS CINNAMON ROLL, HE DESERVES LOVE AND BE HUGGED!! ♡ )
Anyway, you’re welcome for the five-star roommate who can actually cook. At least Binghe won’t have to sleep in a woodshed anymore. Never again. He’s a sweet, caring boy, a total moe masterpiece, and he deserves the softest treatment… which starts with a real bed, warm blankets, and a room of his own with a desk and all the new clothes he wants. Ha! The other bully disciples are going to be SO jealous. That’ll teach them that being a low-tier villain gets you nowhere!
I really hope you forget the nightmare part. It was way too graphic. I’m desperate to delete it from my cache. I’m still shaking.
Take care of Binghe. Take care of yourself.
- Peerless Cucumber.”
━ ━━━
"That little memory miracle didn't last long. Don't trust it, and definitely don't get your hopes up. I doubt it’ll happen again. Apparently, there’s no fixed reset time, but it’s probably tied to the REM cycle. Once I hit deep sleep, the System hits 'Factory Reset.' Fuck. Note to self: never take a nap. Or do. Maybe go into seclusion one day just to test how fast your shitty memory wipes. 0-star System, I hate you.
Luo Binghe is living with us now, which was a jump-scare to wake up to. Waking up thinking I just transmigrated today is a total bummer. Consider leaving the xianxia version of a Post-it note before you act like a jerk to the poor little lotus by mistake. Luckily, Luo Binghe seems miraculously capable of understanding me anyway. He’s such an adorable bun. He cooks like a pro and is taking on chores without even being asked. He’s already cleaning and tidying up—I didn’t even have to say a word.
He’s such a good boy ✧
- Peerless Cucumber.”
━━━━
“Liu Qingge was assigned to clear your meridians? Apparently, this was already an arrangement from the past??? THANKS FOR NOT WRITING THAT DOWN ANYWHERE!! WHAT ARE YOUR PRIORITIES?? I almost had a heart attack, damn it. WRITE DOWN THE IMPORTANT STUFF, YOU DUMBASS!!
Ugh, Liu-shidi is a tough nut to crack—total aggro energy—but hey, he’s a decent guy, I guess. He’s just brusque and rough, even with that pretty face. Honestly, what a waste of top-tier character design on a man like that! Why give all that beauty to a literal God of War?! It makes zero sense!
Remind him to pay for the doors he breaks!
- Peerless Cucumber.”
━━━━
“Liu-shidi actually paid for the door!!
I think he even paid extra for a sturdier one. It looks like better quality than the last one, though Binghe seems to hate it. Honestly, this kid is so picky about his surroundings… I just hope the 'heavy duty' wood doesn't mean Liu-shidi will keep trying to kick it down instead of knocking like a normal person. Who knows. The point is: we have a new door. Binghe keeps staring at it like it personally offended him. Maybe he just hates the color?
Whatever, he hasn’t said a word. He just cooked a massive, elaborate feast—I guess he wanted to flex with the new ingredients I bought him. Such a good boy. So well-behaved. And an elite-tier cook ✧✧✧
Enjoy the food and try not to drool, don't be a loser!!
- Peerless Cucumber.”
━━━━
“Liu-shidi keeps bringing monsters. IS THIS NORMAL? CAN YOU WRITE DOWN THE STUFF THAT MATTERS INSTEAD OF GETTING DISTRACTED? HIGHLIGHT IT WITH ARROWS NEXT TIME! Binghe sometimes cooks them, sometimes just chucks them. But some of these short-haired beasts were only wounded—poor things—and now Qing Jing Peak basically has pets! I doubt they’re edible anyway. Also, it was nice to see Ning Yingying and the others actually using those medical lessons from Mu-shidi. Good disciples, good disciples!!
Binghe is leveling up wonderfully!✧ If only he’d stop tripping over his own feet… the boy’s core balance is a mess. You HAVE to be firmer with him. More basic drills!! If he keeps stumbling, his foundational stats must be bugged. Make sure you teach him the basics properly without him noticing—we can't have the protagonist feeling humiliated.
- Peerless Cucumber.”
━ ━━━
“Missions, missions! Sending disciples on missions, reading, painting… aren’t the days supposed to be, IDK, less boring?
Had a meeting with the other Peak Lords. I can’t promise a 1:1 representation, but I’ll try to draw some basic portraits. Avoid confusing people! Calling everyone 'Shidi' or 'Shimei' until someone else says their name has worked so far, but people are going to get suspicious eventually. Check the sketches if we have another meeting!
Binghe bound a beautiful book for us. Such a precious thing, such a sweet and thoughtful boy. He made it WITH HIS OWN HANDS! ♡ I’m going to use this as a daily planner for errands and study notes—nothing too 'secret.' I'll use this book to keep track of everything I absolutely cannot afford to forget. Things that would be 'OOC' or suspicious not to know.
Even if you forget. Even if we forget.
I hate you, System. Repeat that every time you read this. This trash-tier System deserves all the hate.
- Peerless Cucumber.”
━━━━
“IT WAS BINGHE’S BIRTHDAY! ♡
That alone deserves its own post. It’s the most important thing—more important than anything else!! Binghe, my little lotus, was so stunned that I knew the exact date. HA. I LEFT XIANXIA POST-ITS EVERYWHERE. I WASN'T GOING TO MISS THAT FLAG.
We went to town. I bought him sweets and a new winter coat, and we hit up a restaurant and an inn when the snowstorm started. Ha, you should have seen how red he got when the waitress started flirting with him! Honestly, restaurant food will never beat his cooking, but we had to have roast duck for his birthday dinner, and I wasn't about to ruin a bird by trying to cook it myself!
Luo Binghe is growing up so fast. What a cute, sweet boy ♡ I’m just happy to see him happy. He deserves this peace. I hope it lasts forever.
Only 2,130 points so far. Two years left. If we grind harder, maybe we'll hit 10,000.
- Peerless Cucumber.”
━━━━
“Liu-shidi is still bringing monsters. Some are better than others, but THERE IS ZERO NEED to leave them bleeding out at the front door!! What kind of cat behavior is that? Bringing a dead mouse to the human who he adopted??
The snow is almost gone, but Liu Qingge is hanging around even more—dropping by for tea, bringing snacks. Poor Binghe. He clearly doesn't like another 'Top-Tier Handsome Character' stealing the spotlight, but oh well! He’s a well-behaved boy as always, serving tea and making snacks even though he's clearly annoyed that his Liu-shishu dared to bring outside food. It’s adorable.
I’ve been doing secret sketches of White-Lotus-Binghe. I’ve got paintings hidden everywhere! You’ll want to remember him while he still has those round, soft cheeks! ♡♡♡ It’s a service to the community!! Enjoy them and thank me later!
- Peerless Cucumber.”
━━━━
“Binghe is such a good boy. He seems to actually enjoy his classes, night hunts, and all the housework. I’m a little worried that he isn't flirting with his future wives, though! His friendship with Yingying isn’t even that close—they spend more time whispering like gossipy aunts than flirting!! Maybe it’s because I moved him into the bamboo house? Who knows. Maybe I'm accidentally cockblocking him? What boy would dare bring girls to his Master’s house?! Aiya, I hope I haven’t ruined the protagonist’s harem route. But I guess it’s better this way!! He can focus on training. Becoming strong!!
Binghe needs to get strong. He has to be strong. I need him to be strong. He’s so sweet and full of energy—cooking, humming, practicing music, doing those elegant (but clumsy) sword forms. I won’t always be there to catch him when he falls. One day, he’s going to fall, and no one will be waiting to catch him. He has no idea what’s coming.
A little over a year until the Immortal Alliance Conference. 6,245 points. We’re getting close.
- Peerless Cucumber.”
━━━━
“Binghe is growing so much. Look at that height! He’s a total heartthrob now. It sucks missing out on his growth because I’m constantly sending him on night hunts, but he always comes back early with crazy stories and a victory under his belt. He’d better keep training. He’ll need the strength.
He’ll need to be the strongest. The only one capable of surviving the Endless Abyss.
Damn you, Airplane. Fuck you, wherever you are.
- Peerless Cucumber.
━━━━
“8,980.
One week left until the Immortal Alliance Conference.
I hate every single second of every day.
This isn't fair. I’m so tired.
- Peerless Cucumber.”
━━━━
“Binghe is gone.
-PC.”
━━━━
“I think it’s been a week since the Conference. I don’t feel like writing. I haven’t even slept. For once, the memories are actually staying with me. I don’t want to let them go. I refuse to let go of Binghe again.
Whatever, it doesn't matter. The System is in hibernation. Here’s what actually matters: Shang Qinghua is another transmigrator. Call him out. Not necessarily this second, but soon. He has to have answers.
-PC.”
━━━━
“Shang Qinghua is Airplane Towards the Sky. Feel free to try and kill him; he’ll be waiting. I already tried.
He knows about the memory glitch. Apparently, his System actually lets him keep a damn functional brain. He wants to see if he can compartmentalize part of his System’s memory with mine, but the shitty AI on both sides is in hibernation until Binghe returns.
Anyway, there’s a backup plan for when he comes back for revenge: Sun-Moon Dew Mushrooms. I’m investigating where to find them—Airplane has a rough idea. I’ll report back.
-PC.”
━━━━
“I wake up every single day forgetting that I’ve been here for—what, four years? Five already? I wake up every morning believing I just died. I wake up every damn day without remembering that I’m Shen Qingqiu, a scum villain, and every damn day I have to face the fact that I’m a dead man walking because I couldn't save Binghe from his fate.
I wake up EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. WITHOUT REMEMBERING ANYTHING.
If I don’t remember him then why does it burn so much? Why can I barely breathe when I see these drawings of his white lotus face? These paintings of him as a young man? Why does it burn behind my eyes? Why is it suffocating me like a hand clamped around my throat?
It feels like I wake up empty, every single day. I don’t remember having him around, I don’t remember the taste of his food, I don’t remember the sound of his voice. I don't remember, I DON'T REMEMBER. So why do I remember losing him? What kind of sick, twisted bug is this? Why is the System torturing me like this?
I wake up not knowing who I am, where I am, or what I'm doing, but I know I'm hollow. It’s more painful than dying. It’s dying twice in one day. Binghe isn’t here, and yet I still walk into the bamboo house waiting for someone I can't even recall, reaching for a presence that's gone and never coming back.
I don't remember his face. I don't remember his voice. What was he even like? Why didn't you draw him more, you ungrateful asshole? Why couldn't you describe his habits? Why did you keep every detail of him to yourself, you selfish bitch?
You pushed him. I pushed him. Is this the torture I deserve?
I’M SO FUCKING TIRED.”
━━━━
"Starting a new notebook. All the summarized information is on the first ten pages: who are you, who's who, how close are you to death. Copy all what you need as a backup before send the old notebook and drawings to hack author so that he can put it between the mushroom body's stuff.
Keeping Binghe's sketches will be worse. What good is it anyway?
Just copy what you need and send everything so that future me remembers something nice after dying horribly.
- PC."
━━━━
"Mushroom bodies planted.
I'll attach a map for future reference, in case Airplane dies or I kill him. That man is a literal aneurysm. Absolute rat-tier behavior.
- PC."
━━━━
“Sometimes, waking up in the forest thinking I'm a rogue cultivator isn't so bad. Except for the suffocating feeling of emptiness that lingers even without memories. I guess it's my way of not getting drunk. Anyway, I should avoid it. Liu-shidi started getting suspicious when he confronted me and I didn't recognize him.
I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing new is happening. Nothing is happening.
- PC.”
━━━━
“I tore out a page. I hope it was me, but fuck, who else could it have been? Only I can open this, I've made sure. But also. Hello, past me, what the hell? What are the reasons for ERASING MORE OF MY MEMORIES, YOU ABSOLUTE BASTARD? Future me, don't you dare do something like this again. Don't be that kind of shit or you'll deserve to be a human stick, you idiot.
Nothing is happening. Waiting to end up in a pickle jar is absurdly boring. It's not even worth going out to see the world because, anyway, I won't remember it. What's the point of world-touring if the save file just gets deleted anyway? Fuck this. I'm so tired, really.
- PC.”
━━━━
“Liu-shidi brought a still-living monster that completely destroyed the tea table. Demand a new tea table and that he stop bringing those disgusting beasts to my door. Also, until he replaces the table and stops bringing beasts, don't invite him for tea. His presence is annoying. It's the last thing I need right now.”
- PC.
━━━━
"Liu-shidi is offended, but whatever! What the hell does it matter, honestly!! Does he think he can break my things and just act like nothing happened? I don't care if he cleanse my meridians. I'm not seeing him.
- PC.
━━━━
"I hate you, past me, why are you getting into an argument with your home health aide? Going to Qian Cao during a Without-A-Cure attack is a whole hour's walk, for crying out loud!! Anyway, you could have at least let Liu-shidi cleanse your meridians before kicking him out.
Note to self: Tell me when Liu-shidi is out of the doghouse, I'm tired of telling the disciples to keep him away.
- PC.
━━━━
"Liu-shidi is still disrespectful. Total headache. Perma-ban him from the peak.
- PC."
━━━━
“It's been over three years since I pushed Binghe into the Abyss, and the next IAC is approaching. Qing Jing Peak will not send anyone this time.
There's nothing left to do but wait. Zhangmen-shixiong has called us to an important meeting tomorrow. Apparently, there have been some issues that require urgent assistance. Anyway.
Stay alive, I guess.
- PC.”
━━━━
“Fuck- FUCK.”
Right before him, as he stares at the notebook, his breath ragged and so nauseous he could retch, Shen Qingqiu can only watch in horror at the jagged, torn edge where the rest of the page had been ripped out.