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It was a common belief that if Captain America was to cry it would be silent, perhaps a small tear. Only one, cascading gently down his face before he would rise up for battle again. Some people did not even think he could cry, instead his face would twist in anger and he would fight for America. To be those posters, that compassionate solider who was there for his comrades but stoic and ready for any battle. Emotions could not in any way, become a problem.
But this was not that man, this was Steve Rogers, hunched over in the corner, crying his eyes out. He muffled it behind his hand but they all knew when he had let a sob be too loud. He was sat on the floor int he corner, the news was playing on one of the small TV’s.
It was only how he seemed to remove his helmet take a huge in take of breath and use his hand to muffle whatever sound was going to come out. It was Bruce, wrapped in a blanket tensing at every slight movement focusing on him. He did not want to say anything in case the man would have more attention then he wanted. But Steve had not raised his head to greet him, instead he seemed to tense his shoulders and hide his face in his hands, pressing his forehead upon his knees.
Bruce had scanned the surroundings only to find Natasha matching his gaze, her eyes sharp upon missions opening to become something glowing. Sympathy reflected back to her, she nudged Clint, the archer who was animatedly talking about one of his training sessions, he stopped watching her gaze to see the crumbled man.
Another was Tony, he was walking from the cockpit.
“Autopilot is on” he mentioned, “We could do some paperwork or watch something?” His voice lingered higher on his more perceived motions until he looked around noticing the tracking eyes.
His mouth opened for a second “What?”, he scanned around motioning to the surroundings until he landed on the man, his shoulder shaking. Hand muffled over his mouth and slight sniffles. It was the kind of sight you could hear if you were looking, it was too quiet otherwise.
“Oh” he too was frozen, Captain America was not supposed to cry like that. Gosh if you saw the propaganda he was not supposed to cry at all.
Then another presence from the cockpit, heavy steps and a booming voice “Man of iron, what else of this ship can you explain?” he laughed, patting Tony firmly on the back before he tracked it”
He seemed to mumble for words muttering a small apology that seemed to track all their eyes, looking into them and bowing his head slightly. Returning his eyes to see Clint, Bruce and Natasha matching him. Tony was still motionless.
“Is Steve Roger’s ok” Thor reasoned into the room in some struggled whisper.
Then Clint "Is Cap crying?" probably turning to Nat.
It was how he managed to make that discontent, the shaky exhale of the man himself. Raising his head, his eyes were puffy beyond belief. His face having a crease of his uniform, from his knees at least. Another factor was the way his head seemed to shrink again, to nestle in his knees. To wish to cry in private, to return to the stoic man on posters.
To not be the man who loved and lost.
“Rogers, what is wrong?” It was Tony
“We are here for you Steve” It was Thor
“Cap?” It was Clint. "Is Cap crying?" probably turning to Nat.
“Steve?” Was that Natasha?
“We are here” It was quite a gentle, a voice well rehearsed in the presence of the mind. A hand resting on Steve’s shoulder the rest of them slightly further back.
It seemed that touch was all it took for Steve to raise his head, away from the distance and with so much longer made it all the more horrific.
His face was twisted, his eyes red and puffy. Swollen almost, probably from the persistent pattern of his hand reaching up to wipe at them. Another factor is the tremble in his lip and a twitch in a place that they all know too well. His eyelid is twitching, tackling away at being awake. He was barely sleeping, like they all were.
Another notion was the fact that he seemed to stare directly at Bruce, his eyes unwavering. Bruce who had a tear fall down his cheek, his eyes seem to Becan Steve. Steve who raised his arms and wrapped them around his friend, allowing his knees to hit the hard floor and sob his heart out.
Anguished sobbing, loud guttural and no longer muffled by the hand of a man who had tried to remain stoic like the posters he was plastered on for all those years. To be a memory instead of a person.
“It’s ok Steve, you’re ok” it was the Matra of it. The manner of which they all seemed to be around him. Not crowding but a warming presence, a less literal shoulder to cry on. Looking after him as he had them, even if Nat’s lip was split, Clint needed another hearing aid. Tony had that panic attack, Bruce dissociating and Thor’s concussion warnings. They were there for him.
Then it was a muffled, a murmur of sorts. How the mantra of the avengers comforts were halted for only a second.
“Steve you can tell us” it was Thor, a hand reaching his shoulder and the eyes of a god showing nothing but compassion. Compassion that they always had.
It seemed that Steve did not mind the company, they were his friends less an audience. He seemed to sob a little as he raised his head off Bruce’s shoulder. Allowing the pair of competitive Avengers to guide him to the sofa, the one that was like a rectangle in the small area of the jet.
Once on there, they found there own seats. Tony sitting further away on a small chair, under the TV. Clint and Natsha on the other end of the sofa, facing Rogers. And then Bruce and Thor the closest to Steve on either side of him, Bruce hoovering and Thor with a hand on his shoulder.
“Steve?” Thor murmured “You can tell us, we won’t judge you.” he seemed to melt his words with small embraces. Steve has still hunched over but less tense with how he had carried his body forward. “You have been there for all of us” he beckoned to around the room, “Why should we not return the grand favour”
Met with small nods, Steve allowed to dab at the under his eye with the tissue from the archer, the archer who was offering small smiles, angling his head to use his good hearing aid. Steve had signed thank you anyway, he was learning.
“I-I guess it was just a lot” he seemed to scan them, doing that thing of messing with his hands in his lap and offering small smiles to them, like his bones could whisper back with small affection, that things would be ok.
“-things will be ok” It was Bruce.
His soft words intermingling with Thor’s. If Steve was to raise his head he would see the winning bet he had placed a while ago. Only in his mind but if you know what matches the reflection in your soul spotting it in others is easier. Thor and Bruce, huh!
“A lot being the news… it’s legal now.” he gestured watching as the news was broadcasting the United Kingdom, over-shining with rainbow glittering and an announcement about marriage.
It was Tony with his sharp inhale as he looked up, knowing it all, “But Peggy Icecap?” echoed out of his throats.
“You didn’t invent bisexuality when you were born Tony” letting a small chuckle leave his throat as the pair smiled.
Then it was how he felt more words start to bubble out of his throat. The way they fought and pushed to be heard, echoing trust round the jet.
“Neither did l, Peggy she was sweet and we did have a few moments but the one l loved fell,” the smile that attached his mouth seemed to trickle down like his tears.
It was like he was on the floor again his throat broken open with glass, “fell out of a train” he seemed to sob a little into his hand.
They had all seen the museum known the one he was on about. The one who had only ever saw him as Steve, not some man on posters with a shield. The one who had been shocked by Steve kissing him when they were teenagers but yet reciprocated. A man who had kissed Steve so hard before he left for the army that the feeling was ghosting for weeks. Until frost coated his toes as he went to rescue him, promising through broken whispers by a fire, that marriage would be theirs. Marriage for them, a dance for Peggy, she always knew. She had seen him in a state like this, not the proper man who was supposed to always be-
Something rested on his shoulder.
“Don’t supress your emotions” it was Natasha stern until her voice softened “You can feel them” he reached with his own hand, squeezing’s her gently before they all returned to their seats and waited.
Steve took a deep breath allowing his tears to cascade down his face, using a tissue for his nose as he was not without manners and then allowing the sobs to trickle out of their throat. This time joined by his lip wobbling even as happy memories passed over his eyes. Eyes lingering onto the rainbow TV, with gold rings and wedding bells.
“We wanted to-to get married. Can’t really do that now but its nice to know others can.” he had forgotten to inhale
“That l can imagine it, hold it close and know that people can love, truly love. People like me and Bucky” his words matched with a small smile.
A smile that wobbled and fractured as he felt his own hold on his emotions collapse. The name breaking the dam he had tried so hard to maintain. The name broke the dam. Instead of being held back by a hand it was the blobs in his vision, his vision blurring as he stared at bright rainbows to having the warm embrace of his comrades. To cry openly not as Captain America but as Steve Rogers, with his friends to hold him.To be there and see him for who he was.
“We are here and always will Steve” were fractured sentences breaking into his ear as he cried, enveloped in a loving embrace.
If he whispered “I always love you Buck” who knew but they squeezed him tighter, planned ways to support him. Saw him not as some unbreakable solider but a man who loved and lost as all humans do. A promise to be there for him, as he was for them. Steve Rogers, within their hearts not a colleague but a friend.
THE END!