Chapter Text
Lana was a shipper.
Or rather, she was more like a matchmaker.
Oftentimes, she found herself shipping her fellow classmates and not-so subtly nudging them to get together.
And shockingly, her matchmaking skills managed to create great results!
Engel and Claire, Alice and Oliver, Kevin and Skell, Petunia and Bubble, a whole lot of couples in school were created thanks to the power of Lana’s extremely good matchmaking skills.
But if there were two people that Lana would never, NEVER match anyone with would be Zip and Edward.
Because, frankly, they were bitch ass motherfuckers.
They constantly, with Oliver (who Lana had set up with Alice just so Oliver could fucking DIE but NOOOOO somehow they got along and started making out), harassed literally everyone who wasn’t a teacher.
Throwing paper at others, stealing people’s lunch money, and worst of all, hurling insults to others that were not only stupid but unoriginal.
Yeah.
Zip, Edward and Oliver were fuckers who weren’t worth any shipping material.
In fact, Lana would actively try to make them lonely because fuck ‘em.
Let them be lonely fuckers for the rest of their lives.
Which is why Lana was horrified to find out that Zip had a crush on Abbie.
Her best friend.
She noticed lately that Zip had been looking at Abbie rather... weirdly?
Like whenever the EVIL trio harassed Abbie and Lana in the halls, Zip would always just look at Abbie weird and not really do anything to him.
It was strange.
And Lana, being the expert in romance despite being an aromantic queen, could tell: Yeah, Zip had a crush on Abbie.
It wasn’t love yet, but... it was an attraction.
An attraction that was mutual, as Lana was horrified to discover.
It all started when Lana, Engel, Claire and Bubble decided to ask Abbie if he had a crush at all one fine day, hanging out at Claire’s house, in her living room.
“Um, no? I d-don’t have a c-c-cr-crush at all,” Abbie said with a rather straight face.
But Lana knew better.
She could tell.
So she pressed. “Aw, Abbie, you don’t have to lie to us! C’mon, tell us!”
“Yeah, tell us!” Claire egged on.
“C’mon, tell us!” Bubble egged on as well.
“It’d be nice if you did tell us, but you don’t have to,” Engel said.
“BORING!” Lana exclaimed. “Ignore Engel, you have to tell us NOW!”
“B-but I c-can’t t-tell you anything, b-because there’s nothing to t-tell!” Abbie said with a DEVIOUS smile.
Suddenly, Claire’s Dad (a janitor at their school) came into the room. “Oh, hey ya kiddos, are y’all talking about Abbie’s crush?”
“Wait, Dad, you know his crush? How?” Claire asked.
“That kiddo trusts me with literally everything, I’m like his surrogate dad,” Claire’s Dad said with a DEVIOUS and EVIL smile. “Anyways, his crush is Zip, that weird dragon looking girl, methinks, I dunno, he just said Zip and that was it, and hey that rhymed, haha.”
The room became quiet.
Too quiet.
Claire’s Dad just looked at them, still with his EVIL and DEVIOUS smile. “Alright, that’s it for my cameo, bye kiddos.”
And so he left.
Leaving everyone stunned and kind of shocked as Abbie’s face became as red as an apple, confirming yes, Claire’s Dad was indeed correct.
They awkwardly moved on from the conversation, but oh boy, did Lana not like the feeling that both Abbie and Zip had mutual crushes on each other.
She had to stop them from interacting with each other.
One way or another.