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— 1
This shouldn't be difficult. It's not. It's not. He's an adult, and crossing the road really shouldn't be a big deal at all. Hyuntak just needs to take the first step, and—fuck, he can't do it.
Hyuntak curses the person who designed this road every day. He genuinely hopes that person rots in the deepest pits of hell, because why are there no pelican crossings anywhere near outside a university? How the hell does that make any sense?
Hyuntak isn't being unreasonable here. What if he gets hit by a car? What if he gets hit by a truck?
It really has nothing to do with the traffic accident that wrecked his knee and destroyed his dreams of being a taekwondo athlete. It absolutely does not.
A car zooms past him, and Hyuntak's breath gets stuck in his chest. If Hyuntak keeps standing here, he'll be late for his job. He looks across the road, and he can see the bakery. It feels right out of his grasp. A few steps and he'll be able to make it in time.
A cab rushes past him, and Hyuntak's heart seizes. His throat closes up, and tears spring to his eyes. Familiar panic rises, making his vision blur and his head swim. Hyuntak will genuinely die of embarrassment if he has a panic attack out in public.
And for what? Because he's too afraid to cross the road.
This is so humiliating.
Hyuntak can feel people looking at him, wondering what the hell his issue is. He wants to turn and leave. Run away and hide, but his feet are stuck in place. Like there's glue under his shoes that keeps him in place, and the only direction he can move towards is the bakery.
Time is passing, and if he's any later, he's definitely getting fired, and Hyuntak will have to sacrifice breakfast, lunch, and dinner to be able to afford rent.
The next thing that happens, Hyuntak can barely make sense of it. The bike swivels harshly, almost making two cars crash into each other, and stopping the traffic. Hyuntak's eyes widen slightly, but he can't stop to make sense of what the hell is happening.
This is his chance, after all.
He makes a run for it.
Hyuntak almost gains superhuman speed as he crosses the road. In seconds, he's on the other side and pushes the door of the bakery in. He steps inside and heaves for breath.
"Are you okay?" his manager asks.
Hyuntak looks at her with eyes as round as saucers and blinks. He nods, slowly, and says, "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry for being late. I swear it won't happen again. Please don't fire me."
The manager looks at him strangely. She glances at the clock and then at him again. "You don't have a shift today, Hyuntak. And even if you did, you're still over thirty minutes early. Are you sure you're alright?"
Hyuntak pauses. They both stare at each other while he feels his face gradually heat up with each passing second.
He should've just let a car hit him.
— 2
Hyuntak has to cross the road again.
And this time, he had triple checked his schedule so he knows he has a shift today, and isn't about to humiliate himself in front of his manager once again.
The problem is, he's late.
There's no way he'll be late if he doesn't cross this fucking street in the next five minutes because he's already late. By ten whole minutes.
Needless to say, Hyuntak is panicking.
Five minutes more and he's fired for sure!
He takes a step towards the road, and a cab rushes past him with speed that surpasses the cars racing in Formula 1. Hyuntak's heart climbs straight into his throat and makes home there. His hands tremble, and fuck! He doesn't have the time for a panic attack.
This is so fucking inconvenient, Hyuntak could scream.
And he will scream. Once he manages to push his heart back to where it belongs.
Maybe he should just risk it. What's the worst that can happen? Another car hits him, Hyuntak goes flying, and lands with a splat!
He'll get a nasty concussion, a broken arm, and another busted knee. Hyuntak has done this before, so he can handle it one more time. This time, he'll have the experience to deal with it and will even get a little holiday out of it.
He pauses his manic internal monologue and sighs.
There's no way that's happening. If he ends up in the hospital again because of another accident, he will throw himself in front of a moving train. He will slither to the station if he has to. He is not going through that painful ordeal a second time.
Should he just quit his job and move back in with his mother? That's definitely a good option. It'll make his mother happy, and he won't have to go through this bullshit every other day.
Does he want to do it, though? Nope. No offence to his angel mother. She is the best thing in his life, but Hyuntak really doesn't want to live with her and has to make excuses for when he doesn't return home.
So that leaves him with only one option. Crossing the road.
Hyuntak just needs the traffic to slow down a little bit. Or stop for at least ten seconds. He can pull a Flash and cross the street before the cars start moving again, but with how busy the road is, it's like asking for a miracle.
But then the miracle happens.
A bike pulls a wrong turn and brakes right in front of a car, and it's honestly surprising that the car manages to stop in time. The cars from then on all stop, too, and Hyuntak takes his chance to cross the road.
He throws one last glance at the biker and finds his head turned towards Hyuntak, too. But then he starts his bike and drives away, completely ignoring every single person yelling at him, and Hyuntak blinks at the sight.
"Hyuntak, you're late!" his manager yells, and he winces.
He gets inside properly and bows. "Sorry, I'm so sorry. It won't happen again."
"It better not."
Hyuntak's mind drifts to the strange biker a few more times throughout the day, but by the time night rolls around, he completely forgets about the guy.
— 3
The next few days go surprisingly well. Hyuntak now has a mental schedule regarding when the traffic is the slowest. It's a little bit too early for his shift, and he barely makes it after finishing his class, but beggars can't be choosers.
He's managed to successfully cross the road all on his own for five whole days. That's probably why he's so devastated seeing the road busy as fuck all over again.
He checks the time for the third time to confirm again that he's not late, but the cars are still going nuts on the road, which means his luck has finally run out.
The universe has had enough of his thing going relatively smoothly for him, so now he has to cross through this heavy traffic all over again. Hyuntak doesn't get why this street is always so fucking busy. It must be cursed or something.
Or maybe he's the cursed one.
Since he's the one who got hit by a car once and now can't cross roads because of PTSD.
Hyuntak kind of wants to kill himself, honestly, but at the same time, he's also trying to prevent it. Hence, the 'being scared of crossing roads' part.
He is a person with multitudes, okay? He has layers. Like an onion.
None of his layers or multitudes is helping him cross this damn road, though. Right as Hyuntak is about to enter a psychosis and start praying to whatever god his mind comes up with, he hears some loud honking and his head whips towards the direction.
It's a biker.
No, wait. It's the biker.
Again.
What the actual fuck is this problem?
How many times has Hyuntak seen him cause trouble in this very street? Should someone like him even have his licence? Well, it's none of Hyuntak's business. He slowly crosses the road, taking advantage of the commotion, but just as he's on the other side of the street, his eyes meet the biker's.
Because of the helmet, Hyuntak can only see his eyes, but Hyuntak can clearly see them crinkle, as if he's smiling and Hyuntak startles. His heart picks up and his face flames. He stumbles on his feet as he rushes to get into the bakery and fails to keep his mind off the smile for the rest of the day.
Hyuntak doesn't even know why he's fixating on it so much. He couldn't even see the guy's face, and considering that's the third time Hyuntak has seen him pick a fight in the middle of a busy road, he's undoubtedly a weirdo.
Hyuntak has no business feeling anything for a person like him.
So why? Why is he thinking about that man?
Admittedly, his smile was really cute, and maybe that made Hyuntak's heart skip a beat, but that's it! There's nothing more to it. Hyuntak buries his fingers in his hair and ruffles ot furiously before tugging harshly. Fuck, he's still thinking about it.
About him.
Hyuntak hasn't got laid in way too long. That's probably it. Yeah, it's all because of his dry smile, and not because the weirdo stranger's smile was too damn cute, and Hyuntak desperately wants to see what's under the helmet. Of course, not.
Whatever.
He slaps his cheeks hard once and takes a deep breath. He's above his dry spell and pathetic, desperate thoughts. By the end of the day, he will forget all about the man and make a dating profile right after going home.
There, Hyuntak will score a hot date, and he'll no longer fixate on random people on the street.
(He fails at all the aforementioned tasks.)
— 4
That's not the last time he sees the bike. Not even close.
Every time Hyuntak has to cross the road, he arrives there like magic and disrupts the traffic. Hyuntak sees him argue with random people every single time he's there. He's even seen things escalate to fistfights once.
Hyuntak never stays long enough to see where things go, and how the fuck the man hasn't lost his licence yet, but sometimes, his eyes meet the man's and every single time, the man directs the sweetest smile towards him.
And every single time, he leaves Hyuntak frazzled with his heart running a mile a minute. He might have a genuine heart attack one of these days.
"You sound like you're in love with the guy," Humin says to him, and Hyuntak startles so bad that the chair scrapes under him.
Juntae and Sieun both wince, but Hyuntak isn't in his right mind to apologise. He's too busy staring at Humin with wide, disbelieving eyes. "I don't even know the guy."
Humin shrugs. "Love at first sight."
"Go fuck yourself."
"I mean, you sound," Juntae hesitates, and Hyuntak's heart drops to his stomach. "A little infatuated with the guy."
"You're down bad. Head over heels. Puppy love," Suho tells him. "Whatever you want to call it." And Hyuntak couldn't get more horrified.
Sieun stays silent, and that's honestly worse than whatever the others have told him.
Hyuntak grabs his glass and chugs his beer down in one go before slamming the glass on the table dramatically. All his friends side eye him, but Hyuntak doesn't care. They can judge all they want, but Hyuntak is having a moment, and he refuses to let anyone ruin that.
But then Juntae sighs, "I thought we were supposed to have fun today. Can you have your shounen ai moment later?"
"I thought you liked stuff like that," Sieun murmurs.
"Usually, but I'm just so tired after the exams," Juntae groans. "Can you tell me the details tomorrow, Tak? I promise I'll pay attention."
"Yeah, to write a fic on ao3," Suho snorts, and Juntae makes an indignant sound at the back of his throat.
"Don't ruin this for me!"
"What's ao3?" Humin asks. "Is it eatable?"
"Edible," Sieun corrects him, and Hyuntak tunes them out.
Every one of them is fucking useless, and Hyuntak hates them all. He goes back to having his moment and broods silently the whole time they hang out, and his friends happily ignore him and let him sulk all by himself.
Hyuntak still hasn't stopped thinking about the man.
With every passing day, Hyuntak…condition…keeps getting worse. Now, he can't even look at motorbikes without getting reminded of the man. The models aren't even the same, not that Hyuntak knows anything about motorbikes and their models.
But one of them could be parked near his house or be anywhere on the street, and Hyuntak's brain starts replaying all the times he saw the man smile at him. His smile must be cursed or something because Hyuntak has no other explanation for why it would affect him so much other than that.
There are times when he's just peacefully living his life, and then suddenly, he's hit by this unbearable longing to see that man again, to have the smile directed at him once again, and maybe to see the rest of his face, too.
The worst part is, Hyuntak hasn't even seen his smile, not really. He only saw that man's eyes crinkle — those round, sparkling, beautiful eyes — and knew that he was smiling. And now his whole life is fucked up.
This needs to stop. Him looking at random bikers expecting — and hoping — them to be that man needs to stop. Him waiting by random roads, wanting the man to arrive, needs to stop.
Hyuntak needs to get a fucking grip.
Hyuntak does not get a fucking grip. Every day he wakes up, and the treacherous monster that is his heart is in a worse condition.
And then Hyuntak sees him again.
As always, like he's here just for Hyuntak, the biker comes and disrupts the traffic, making it easy for Hyuntak to cross the road. Their eyes meet again, and there is that smile. Hyuntak wants to talk to him. There's nothing Hyuntak wants more than to talk to him.
But just as Hyuntak is about to walk towards him, a man grabs his collar and jerks him sideways. A fight breaks out immediately after that, and Hyuntak slowly backs away. He's desperate, but not desperate enough to lose his job after getting involved in that.
"Why do you look so upset?" Seonha, his coworker, asks. "I'm the one who got dumped."
"Uhh, sorry?" Hyuntak cringes at his tone.
Seonha brushes his apology away and says, "Give me the tea. I need a distraction."
And he might as well. Who knows? She might be more useful than his friends. They both walk to the staff room, and Hyuntak spills his guts.
Seonha listens to every word carefully. After Hyuntak is finally done, she says, "He's in love with you."
And…what?
"What?"
"Yeah," she shrugs. "Think about it. He always shows up when you have to cross the road, and manages to stop the traffic for you so that you can do just that. Once or twice could be a coincidence, but every day. I can bet my left tit on the fact that the guy's into you, and he has it bad."
Hyuntak feels something akin to hope bubbling up in his stomach, and he feels himself bloom with it. Hyuntak feels so happy that he doesn't even bother to tell himself off for acting like this.
"You could try this theory out," she says to him. "Wait at the same road at a different time or day than your usual, and see if he's there."
Huh?
Yeah, he could do that. He will do that.
"Thanks, Seonha."
"Don't worry about it. Just buy me lunch tomorrow."
Fuck.
— 5
Hyuntak wakes up with restlessness buzzing under his skin. He has only one class today, and nothing after that. No shift at work, no hangout plans. Nothing. Usually, on this day, Hyuntak comes straight home after his classes.
Not today, though. No, today, after the end of his class, Hyuntak makes his way to a familiar street. He takes a deep breath and stands in his usual spot, waiting.
If the biker arrives and causes trouble today, too, then Seonha's words will be proven wrong, but if he doesn't… well, Hyuntak doesn't know what he will do then. Talk to the guy, preferably, if he can make it to the man before he gets wrapped up in another fight.
So Hyuntak waits. He stands there and keeps his eyes straight ahead at the road and waits. Time passes slowly. Hyuntak feels it, how each second slips by him. There is no sign of the man. The sky darkens eventually. Orange bleeds into the blue of the sky and then turns pitch black.
The man never arrives.
Fuck, Seonha was right.
Hyuntak doesn't know if he should be happy about it or not.
There's a strange fluttering in his chest that could either be butterflies or early onset signs of a heart condition. He wishes he had an idea about which one he prefers.
Hyuntak lets out a big, defeated sigh before he finally walks back home. He is tired and needs to rest. He also needs to mentally prepare himself for the next day when he has work, which means he will see that man once again.
Hyuntak barely gets any sleep at night as he agonises over the man. It shouldn't make him nervous. Now that he knows that there's no way the man will reject him, Hyuntak should feel confident about the whole thing.
He is not.
He gets his penchant for needless worrying from his mother, and right now, all Hyuntak can think about is what if he's wrong? What if he's wrong and it's all a big coincidence? Then the man will reject him in the middle of the road, and Hyuntak will either have to die right then and there or run away to the other side of the world and adopt a different identity so he can live without shame, far away from Korea.
He is unable to focus in class as he's too busy worrying, and barely notices as the day rushes past him, and before he knows, it's time for his shift.
Hyuntak walks out of the university with painfully slow steps. It's obvious that he's stalling, but he can stall only so much without being late to work and being fired.
Eventually, he reaches the familiar street.
He stands on his usual spot, right across the bakery, and stares straight ahead. Cars rush past him, but Hyuntak finds that the usual fear he feels is absent. In place of that is anxiety.
Hyuntak doesn't move. He stands there and tells himself that he's scared of crossing the road and not waiting for his biker.
Hyuntak doesn't have to wait long, though.
His biker arrives — engine revving — and stops in front of a random car abruptly, pissing off several people and successfully blocking the door.
Hyuntak can't help but laugh at the childishness of the act, but at the same time, fondness threatens to burn him inside out.
— +1
Hyuntak watches people surround the man, yelling at him while he yells back, even though it's obvious that he's the one at fault.
He lets out a tired sigh and walks towards the commotion. Hyuntak pushes some of the people away who are doing nothing but watching and goes right to the man.
"You should apologise," Hyuntak says. "It was clearly your fault."
The man whips his head around, and their eyes meet again. This close, Hyuntak can see it clearly, how his eyes light up at the sight of Hyuntak. His heart flutters, and he has to bite down on a smile.
"Who are you?" one of the men spits, and his guy whips his head around to snarl at him.
"Mind your fucking tone!"
The man baulks, and Hyuntak is having a really hard time suppressing all his emotions.
"He made a mistake. He won't do it again," Hyuntak says on the man's behalf. "Let's just let this go this time. Hyuntak flashes his best, beaming smile and immediately sees the man falter.
"I–I guess, it's fine just for today," the man backs off. "Better not happen next time."
Hyuntak nods. Then he turns to his biker and says, "Park your bike on the other side. I wanna talk to you."
"I—" the man starts, but his voice trails off, and then he follows Hyuntak to the other side of the road.
Hyuntak crosses his arms and waits as the man carefully takes his helmet off. His fists clench into tight fists as his breath hitches and pupils dilate while he takes the man in. He is pale, slightly flushed, and his eyes are round, dark, and intense. Hyuntak can tell that he's wearing contacts. His lips are full and slightly chapped, and his lashes are long as they fan over his eyes.
He is beautiful, to say the least.
"There are better ways to get my attention, you know. Instead of almost causing traffic accidents every other day." Hyuntak is proud that his voice doesn't waver.
"Still worked, didn't it?" the man shrugs, and god, even his voice is nice. "I'm Geum Seongje, by the way, and I was more interested in helping you cross the road than anything else, to be honest."
"Ah, so you don't want my number?" Hyuntak grins.
Seongje perks up. "I never said that."
Hyuntak huffs out a little laugh and says, "Give me your phone," and Seongje scrambles to get it out. He hands it over to Hyuntak after opening it, and Hyuntak puts his number down and saves it.
"Go Hyuntak," Seongje whispers, looking down at the screen, and Hyuntak sucks in a sharp breath.
"Next time, you can drop me off instead of picking fights with people," he says, and Seongje peers at him from under his eyelashes.
"Next time, I'll come with flowers, too."