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“Oh Olivia, look at how sweet it is.”
She can’t look. She can’t feel anything but a burning in the middle of her chest, right between her breasts. She is concentrating everything within her to stop the feeling. Her hands are tingling, trussed to the frame of the horrid metal bed. The tingling is making its way down her limbs, everything is turning dark.
“I bet you didn’t know, bet you didn’t think I was powerful enough to take this from you. It was never about anything but this Olivia.”
The way it pronounces ‘this’ causes her to open her eyes. There is a soft blue shining throughout the room, coming from the burning she can feel. She can feel it being worked out, tugged little by little. Soon she won't be able to hold and it’ll have her, her essence, her soul. Lyzareth is extracting her soul and she can’t do a single thing about it.
Amanda found it in such a minor way, detecting its demonic presence while she was out in Central Park walking Frannie. They’d contained it with ease, no indications bleeding through that it was anything more than a minor demon. When they set up the banishment and started the ritual that was when literal hell broke loose. Simultaneously as they discovered it’s true name, the power level it held, it escaped the ritual, creating destruction in the precinct.
They’d searched for it, they were given permission from the Assistant Demon Adviser, Rafael. The permission gave them special warrant powers to inspect people for possession as a normal demon hunt didn’t give them those powers. The trail went cold within a few days and as it’s MO suggested, they theorized it had moved into another area to continue plaguing.
Cragen sent the team home, giving her a few extra days off to counteract all the overtime she had been doing. She hadn’t even minded that she wasn’t going to be paid the OT when the few extra days at home seemed heavenly after the exhaustion in her body set in.
Olivia stopped by the supermarket on the way home, grabbing all the essentials a woman may need for a ‘treat yo self’ weekend. She didn’t think as she entered her apartment. Didn't think as she placed her bags on the counter. Didn't think as she heard a noise in her bedroom. She thought absently about Brian when she went to check the noise but all thoughts fled as she came face to face with Lyzareth.
It wasn’t possessing anyone, showing it’s original form to Olivia. A dread that was incomprehensible washed over her. The sentence it uttered before grabbing her has echoed through her head the entire time of her captivity, Welcome home Detective Benson.
Olivia doesn’t realize how hard she is tugging so when her arms suddenly swing down surprise takes over for a second. Lyzareth’s claws are cradling a small billowing blue orb, the movement of her arms had fully dislodged her soul from her body. The numbness she feels is starting to gray out the edge of her vision. Lyzareth is solely focused on her soul and in a rash decision she decides to kick out despite the danger that places on her soul.
Olivia isn’t sure if it was from the kick or it’s own volition but Lyzareth moves off her. Her breaths are coming in faster and faster, the gray is encroaching closer and closer. She knows she is about to die, Lyzareth would gain so much energy from crushing her soul and consuming it. Her last moments are going to be of this utterly terrifying view of Lyzareth’s claws closing around her soul and placing it inside its mouth. Teeth like splinters, slick with something dark, sinking into her soul. In the last seconds before she dies, Olivia hears Lyzareth whisper.
“You’ll never know when you are going to die.”
Soulless
“... the medical knowledge around this is quite limited as usually the soul is consumed within minutes of extraction and even a demon extracting a soul is rare. Your body is healing at this stage from the injuries and appears to be functioning as normal.” The doctor stops there, as if what he has said is at all helpful.
Everything feels dull. Since she woke in the hospital room, with Nick in the chair next to her, she doesn’t feel her injuries. The burns from his touch are a distant throbbing. She doesn’t feel any emotions from the memories of what she endured during her kidnapping, can’t even process the people it killed in her presence.
“So what’s the next move doc?” Nick asks in the absence of a response from her. The doctor sighs deeply before continuing.
“There will be a point in which her physical injuries will no longer require a hospital. I will make some enquiries about the… ahh… soul issue but eventually she will be discharged.” Another silence washes over the room and the doctor takes the chance to leave. Olivia doesn’t care that essentially the doctor wasn’t helpful and she is on her own. She doesn't care about the look of loss that is on Nick’s face as he watches the doctor leave.
All Olivia cares about is her soul and what Lyzareth might do with it.
Olivia thinks that the seat should feel cold, her fingers stiff but nothing is piercing her. Her only thought when she left the house this morning was that she didn’t want to die inside Brian’s apartment. If she makes it through today she is going to break up with him and move into a hotel. He left the DCU because of how the cases were impacting his soul, how is he supposed to love someone who doesn't even have one.
She hasn’t been able to return to work since leaving the hospital. She wont ever be able to, her ability to detect demons and cast rituals came from the sliver of her soul that was sired by the demon who raped her mother. More pressingly her soul could be destroyed at any moment. Lyzareth could crush it, consume it, burn it at any time, any day, any moment.
Through the weeks since she was recovered from Lyzareth’s clutches, Olivia has found a new normal. In her soulless state she knows pain doesn't feel as sharp, memories don't have the same impact and she can’t express any kind of emotion. Instead for Olivia, routine becomes the thing that gets her through.
Everyone is concerned, she logically knows this. Their emotions are not making any impact on her. They don’t want her to give up but they don’t understand how visceral the emptiness she feels is. Olivia is just waiting for death, waiting for the moment, wherever Lyzareth is, it decides to consume her soul, ending her mortal body. There is no scientific literature that talks about what she is going through, only a handful of vague fables from across the world. Demons just don’t do what Lyzareth has done. They don’t take souls and hold them hostage for months.
She chose a bench out the back of a small gothic church. The garden is immaculate and littered with memorial plaques. It will be the closest to any God she will get now that she will die without her soul. She never fully believed in any type of formalized religion, not buying into the rhetoric that the existence of Demons proves the existence of God.
Olivia knows she gravitated towards the church because of him. The man she has tried to move on from since he left DCU over 2 years ago. He is the only person she has not seen since she started waiting to die. She wonders sometimes, absently in the middle of the night, if seeing him will spark any kind of feeling inside of her. She always felt as though their souls were destined to meet because of the way she fell in love with him. Olivia camme to that realization only after he had left. In the silence from his absence she was able to place a name to her feelings. Thinking about her feelings now only left her with a dull flutter in her heart, no longer a swooping in her stomach.
“Olivia.” She doesn't understand why her brain would think it was comforting to hear his voice again. Olivia shakes her head and stands from the bench, she doesn't want to die next to the echoes of ghosts.
As she turns she discovers someone has snuck up on her. They’re standing about three feet back from the seat. Olivia looks at this person and realizes her mind didn’t make anything up, Elliot was standing behind her. He looks ragged, like standing here has cost him something.
“I can get your soul back.” He blurts it out quickly. For the first time since Lyzareth took her soul, a feeling pierces her, hope, before it quickly fades away and the nothing feeling remains.
“You can’t, it’s not mine anymore.”
“How does it work?” Olivia is lying on her back across his dining table. Her bra and shirt are on the ground. She would’ve felt nervous about being topless in front of Elliot but she could die at any moment, other things are more important. Elliot is purposefully looking only at his hands as he mixes the ink together. Elliot has been back for a month, wearing her down, until she accepted his help.
“Blood. We discovered it by accident during an exorcism. The demon had lashed out and some of my blood mixed with the chalk. We had to use it because there was no time to get more. It meant we had only put a fraction of the power into the circle to make it work” What Elliot is describing is borderline illegal but she knows if anyone can get away with it, the church can.
In the time since he has come back to her, Elliot has explained that after the shooting, after his crisis over his soul, he left DCU and ended up falling in with the Church again. He’d explained how the religion had initially helped him recover before the Church drafted him to help with possessions. His time at DCU ended up making him an unofficial expert.
Elliot said the Church has been concerned over the increasing interactions with Corruptor Demons. He told stories about Corruptor’s that stole the souls of flocks of livestock in New Zealand, waiting until they were at the slaughter house to consume them. Leaving behind hundreds of carcasses, unusable because the bodies decomposed at a rate that didn’t make sense until they factored in the time difference from extraction to consumption of the soul.
Elliot said the main theory at the Church was that Bael was sending more corruptors into the physical plane as a scouting party. Their aim, to create disorder and destruction before Bael launches the Second Demon War. Olivia would’ve debated this theory with him until the cows came home, but only her soul had the passion that was required to debate with Elliot.
Corruptors are never common amongst the Demons they dealt with at DCU, part of what meant Lyzareth could take them by surprise during banishment.
“We came across a Corruptor within the Vatican that was taking souls of the parishioners visiting from overseas. It had four souls, which while we were attempting to capture it, consumed two of them for power before we succeeded. We worked quickly but were only able to find one of the remaining victims.” Elliot appears to be finished with mixing his blood in the tattoo ink. He picks up the gun and dips it into the mixture.
Elliot had explained the glyphs he was about to tattoo onto her chest worked, how together they made a circle of protection that kept her body stable and ready to receive her soul again. He’d traced the pattern onto her chest already, in preparation for the ink to make it permanent. The marks match the new tattoo Elliot has across the back of his right hand. Elliot had explained that they help him extract and hold the soul until it can be returned. At the first mark of the tattoo gun, Elliot continues his story.
“With the ritual circle I showed you, we were able to extract her soul from the demon and we attempted to return it.” Olivia can only feel a faint tickle from where the needle is on her skin. Elliot takes the opportunity, when he wipes away a small amount of blood, to check her reaction to the pain.
“I can’t feel it Elliot, there is no need to stop.” He takes a few extra moments looking her in the eyes before he dips the needle into the ink again. When he returns it to her skin, he takes longer strokes before wiping.
“Why did you only attempt to return it to her?” Elliot shakes his head absently at her question, like he is shaking off memories.
“During the return process, her glyphs smudged. That's why I have to tattoo it. We had tattooed the removal glyphs on my hands but didn’t think about her, she wasn’t getting in the scuffle, nothing should have smudged the marks. The cardinal swears he saw her do it to herself, but i just couldn’t comprehend that. Why wouldn't she want her soul back?” Elliot looks at her again, taking the gun off her skin.
“Because maybe it wasn’t hers anymore.” It’s a truth that has been slowly making itself known to Olivia. The longer Lyzareth has her soul, the more likely she will never get it back. Even if she does, what horrors will Lyzareth have subjected her soul too? How can her soul remain the same the longer it endures Lyzareth’s clutches?
“That will never happen, your soul is yours, and yours alone.” Olivia feels nothing from the conviction of his words, how can she? Her soul is living proof that it belongs to something else. She doesn’t respond to Elliot and he continues tattooing in silence for a moment.
“I know you can’t feel it right now Liv, but I love you, i will get you your soul back and I’ll tell you all over again.” He speaks over the buzz of the gun, looking only at the glyphs he is marking around the scar where her soul was extracted. She scoffs at his words, hope is not the reason she is still here. Hope leaves her little by little, each day they search for Lyzareth. Olivia only remains because there isn’t anything else she can do.
“Don’t bother Elliot, I'll be dead before then.”
“Lyzareth!” She is shouting as loud as she can, hoping to draw it back. They’ve been tracking it for 3 weeks. One grisly scene to the other, getting closer each day. They came across this scene inside the top floor of a grainy. It’s only minutes old, the blood still dripping freshly from the girl Lyzareth dragged up here.
“I’m right here Olivia.” She turns quickly and sees it standing in the shadows by a metal table. Elliot’s theory is correct, Lyzareth is currently possessing a man. The man supports an ugly scar down the side of his face, circling his eye, standing topless, deathly still. Olivia knows the man’s body was dead before Lyzareth possessed him, it comes out in the unnatural angle his head dangles at and the absence of movement of his chest.
“Have you come to see how I am treating your soul, see what it gets to experience with me?” Lyzareth lifts his shirt and Olivia knows if she was whole she would’ve stumbled back.
On the skin of the man is, seven familiar puckers, exactly like the matching on her chest.
Previous victims.
Lyzareth traces his hand around the fibonacci spiral of marks, originating from the middle of its chest. Lyzareth strokes the last mark with gentle care. A shudder takes over her body. That is where her soul is. Lyzareth has kept her soul encapsulated inside of it, like some sort of demonic version of a marsupial. She theorizes she must be the only soul it is holding, the other six marks are faded. They almost look as though they are rotting from the center outwards.
Lyzareth’s fingers circle the mark for her soul and push in, starting to break skin. The strength it must still have to do this to human skin, with human fingers is unnatural. A phantom pain echoes through her own scar.
“Your soul is fascinating Olivia. You didn’t tell me about your father when we played with each other last time.” The words It spews don’t make an impact, Olivia is too focused on the way it’s fingers are almost all the way inside. She wants to see her soul more than she wants to breathe, if she sees it, they have a chance to bring it home.
Lyzareth removes its fingers from the hole and a whimper makes its way out of her throat. It begins to move around the table towards her, shaking its head.
“Tut tut, you won't see it again that easily. We are quite the same, you and I. I looked and I can tell how your mother must have broken her own soul to keep yours human.” The revelation is something she knows already, something she processed in the first few years at DCU. She couldn't come face to face with the crimes that created her and not see how women bent and broke to ensure their children weren’t demons.
“Liv, the plan.” Olivia ignores Elliot. The plan doesn’t matter when her soul is mere feett away. Nothing matters to her now, only her soul.
“You don't deserve your soul Olivia, think about how you’ve treated it” She sees Elliot enter her periphery, behind Lyzareth. He is mouthing something and gesturing but Olivia can’t take her eyes of Lyzareth. Lyzareth is stepping forward, slowly, arms held at it’s side as if it’s soothing a scared filly. Elliot’s movements finally break her gaze, she can see him holding the cold iron shackles, ready to clamp them onto Lyzareth’s wrists.
The holy water!
The thought blasts its way into her head, the plan is she is supposed to be distracting enough for Elliot to get behind Lyzareth. Once in place, Olivia is supposed to throw the holy water over Lyzareth while Elliot secures it within the shackles. She reaches for the flask, bringing it from her back pocket, ready to splash it onto Lyzareth.
“It won't work Olivia, I'm immune to holy water.” She pauses for a second, Lyzareth’s words breeding hesitation inside of her. All Demons lie but If Lyzareth is immune then they will anger it for no reason, making consuming her soul all the more desirable. Elliot is still creeping behind Lyzareth, despite her hesitation.
“NOW!” The command works on Olivia and she flicks her wrist out at Lyzareth. Holy water lands across It’s skin, causing an instant effect. Elliot makes his move as Lyzareth attempts to find relief from the holy water. As Elliot wrestles with Lyzareth, Olivia finds she cannot move into help. She cannot take any action against the thing housing her soul.
“Olivia Benson you deserve to be soulless, you deserve to suffer. It is the only thing you are good for!” Lyzareth howls as the sizzling lessens. Elliot acts quicker than she can comprehend and has already secured Lyzareth in the shackles. The strength It displayed earlier seeps from its possessed body, as the iron’s properties take effect. Lyzareth sinks to the floor, intent on her, in no way interested in Elliot.
“You couldn’t stop what I did to Mrs Meyer, how do you think you will stop what I am going to do to you?” She hasn't moved since she flicked the holy water but at it’s words, something washes over her. Through all the insults Lyzareth has only targeted Olivia. Olivia has always found more strength in fighting for others, than herself. Lyzareth’s words give her the motivation to move forward.
Without thinking, she steps up to Lyzareth and her hands wrap around its throat. She squeezes with all the force that she couldn’t when It was torturing Ms Meyer in front of her. She feels a grimace come across her face at the force of her hands. An evil chuckle starts emanating from Lyzareth.
“Stop, stop, Olivia stop, you can’t kill it that way.” Elliot speaks over its laugh while his hands are on her wrists, gently tugging. She gives in when she looks at Lyzareth and sees the black eyes staring back. The meat suit it is possessing smiles in a horrific, unsettling way. it’s not even out of breath when she releases her hands.
“There she is, that dark part of your soul you’ve been trying to hide since you learnt of your conception. I know it’s there Olivia, it’s the reason i’ve kept you around. It’s bigger than you like to acknowledge.” it keeps talking and she feels her world narrow on the words coming out of it’s mouth. Elliot shakes her out of the hole Lyzareth drew her into.
“Liv i need your help writing the rest of the circle before I start casting.” A task, he has given her a focus point other than Lyzareth. Everytime it opens it’s mouth, Olivia feels like it is speaking inside her head. Lyzareth literally has her soul entrapped inside its body and she feels as though it is trying to climb inside hers. Her body shudders as she draws away from Lyzareth.
Olivia moves and begins helping Elliot with the writing, their movements in sync, even after the time apart. In no time the circle is complete and Lyzareth sits in the middle bound in the cold iron shackles. The shackles mean Lyzareth is unable to remove itself out of the body it chose to possess.
“Check your work Olivia, you don't want to slip up. As soon as my hands are free, I'm going to crush your soul between my teeth.” The circle is layered, 3 levels all with a different purpose. First to immobilize it, the second for the extraction of her own soul and the third for banishment of the Corruptor. Each circle on its own is high level, all three intertwined to cascade as one is something she would never have attempted without Elliot’s promise.
Elliot had told her, during the second circle's activation, he needs to approach Lyzareth and pull her soul from it. Olivia is unable to do this herself, with Elliot’s blood mixed in the chalk and no soul, she’ll never be able to cross the threshold. She has to trust him, like she did every day of their partnership, with the safety of her soul.
“It’s gotten bigger, that part of your soul from Daddy.” Olivia abruptly looks up from her check of the circle. Lyzareth just wont shut up but everytime it speaks, she has to listen.
“I know your father, I can introduce you if you like.” Lyzareth speaks the words her seven year old self would have fallen over to answer. That is before her mother shattered Olivia’s sense of self when she told Olivia of her conception. Elliot has made his way to her again.
“Open your shirt, there can’t be anything in the way when you return your soul.” Elliot is all business as he dusts the chalk off his fingers and makes a motion towards her shirt. Olivia is too enthralled by Lyzareth and where her soul is to expose its real home. Elliot begins the task he told her to do without complaint; he had become quite familiar with the way she would often neglect to do things in her soulless state.
Lyzareth has finally stopped speaking, which Olivia feels has freed up her mind. She watches as Elliot stops undoing the buttons of her shirt halfway down. He gently tucks the collar into her bra straps, creating a wide v neck, fully exposing her scar.
A strange look appears on the face that Lyzareth is possessing. Elliot misses it as he grabs her shoulders, drawing her attention to him.
“Once I start, I'll have to complete the ritual so you need to remember to do everything I told you.” She nods her head firmly. Olivia knows she is to stand guard, ensuring no outside interference comes along and when Elliot has her soul, to more or less shove it back into her own chest.
What they are about to attempt is crazy. It’s an unsanctioned, high level, three layered ritual only powered solely from Elliot. When DCU made their first attempt to banish Lyzareth there had been 4 of them powering the ritual but in her current Soulless state she can’t even add a drop. Elliot had insisted several times that he could do it without issue. Olivia had to trust him because there was no other plan.
Lyzareth has started growling. Elliot still has a hold of her shoulders, squeezing and forcing her to make eye contact. This will surely be the end, she will either get her soul back or Lyzareth will kill her. The precipice she stands on should feel monumental but her ability to process anything is limited.
Elliot centers himself with a deep breath as he stands near the inside edge of the circles. Olivia has seen this for 12 years straight and the familiarity allows her to prepare for the next part. Elliot claps his hands together before quickly crouching and laying his hands across the marks of the ritual. There is never an official place in which you’re supposed to stand and start but Elliot has his, Olivia knows her own is the place just to the right of him.
The effect of the ritual is instant, a wind whips around the room while an ethereal glow that blurs at the edges shines throughout the room. Olivia can see from the way the circle activates, how Elliot's blood is helping, appearing as though the power is from multiple people. The first circle reaches its full effect quickly.
As Olivia sees the invisible bindings take a hold of Lyzareth, the second circle starts. Elliot stands from his position and places a palm over the back of his tattooed hand. Without movement, Lyzareth resorts to the one thing he can, speaking directly to Olivia.
“This is the one, isn’t it? The man you were waiting to save you.” Olivia can see the glyphs on Elliot's tattoo begin to illuminate as he prepares to fetch her soul from the depths of Lyzareth. She had envisioned Elliot coming last time she was with Lyzareth, relying on the false story of him saving the day to offer any sort of comfort. Lyzareth had picked up on her dissociating in those moments and managed to guess she had been thinking about someone else. Having it call back to those memories is a jarring moment. Elliot reaches Lyzareth and begins to raise his hand towards the fresh scar on Its chest.
“Don’t let him try Olivia. No matter how he does it, Elliot will leave some of your soul behind. Your soul wants to be here, inside of me, it is where it belongs. It is at home, that dark side in you, that you fight every day not to let out. Your soul is akin to mine, we are the same, your soul is mine.” During Lyzareth’s speech, Elliot has placed his fingers around the scar that has her soul. They are beginning to push in. Lyzareth starts to wriggle so Elliot places a knee across his belt line, dampening Lyzareth’s range of movement.
“Your soul is mine.”
Olivia watches as the start of Lyzareth’s soul is pulled out.
No, that’s my soul.
Olivia sees a little more of her own soul become exposed as Elliot continues. Lyzareth has stopped talking and appears to focus all its energy on trying to knock Elliot loose. With the position of Elliot’s knee, Lyzareth does not have an arc big enough to use its legs for anything productive. Lyzareth can do nothing but arch up and down underneath Elliot, while his hands work their magic.
It happens as absently as the first time. Her soul has slipped free from Lyzareth. It’s resting so gently in Elliot's palm, her whole life is in Elliot’s palm. The glow it emanates seems less than when Lyzareth first extracted it. There is a dark swirl within it, the demonic part Lyzareth whispered about how It made it bigger. It doesn’t look like her soul, Lyzareth’s fingers are all over the changes.
Elliot walks away from Lyzareth as it writhes on the ground. His steps are slow and measured as he ensures her soul will safely return to her own hands. As he reaches the edge of the circle he holds out his hands for her to cup from underneath. Automatically she does and Elliot slowly separates his palms so her soul can rest within her hands.
“I have to stay inside while I complete the activation of the banishment. Liv you need to bring your hands up like I said.” He turns without a second thought, leaving her cradling her own soul. It looks so small and weathered. Lyzareth had not been treating it kindly. No spark of familiarity comes from looking at it and she wonders if Elliot extracted the right soul.
“That’s not your soul Olivia, it belongs to me now.” Lyzareth begins yelling out after the extraction spell fades. It sounds out of breath and desperate.
“You don't deserve it Olivia, Nothing in your life will make up for the destruction your soul has caused. The world will be better off if you died.” It keeps using her name. The command Lyzareth has of it causes her to feel enmeshed in Lyzareth every time.
“Liv, put your soul back!” Elliot has to yell to be heard over the vitriol Lyzareth is spewing. He begins to move with purpose as he starts the ritual casting the third and final circle.
“I know your soul feels at home inside of me because we are the same. You deserve to live in hell with me. Olivia!” Lyzareth’s voice takes on a desperate tone as power pulses throughout the room.
Olivia can’t move, she is staring at her soul. Her hands are shaking, causing jitters to move through the blue orb. She has wanted nothing more than her soul to be back inside her but standing on the edge of the ritual circle, staring at the demon who extracted it, she can't complete the task. The ritual has reached the crescendo, opening the portal and dragging Lyzareth through unwillingly.
As the ritual comes down from the peak Elliot is able to move freely though the room again. He rushes towards her as she feels her essence begin to slip through. Lyzareth was right, she can't do it, she can't put her soul back because she never deserved to be given life. Her mother’s soul was fractured when hers was created.
“Liv, you need to put it back.”
“Let go Olivia, crush it, it will feel better than anything else you’ve ever felt, absolution.” That voice is a whisper still making its way through the rapidly closing ritual. She absently notes that even though Elliot is the most powerful ritual caster she’s come across, Lyzareth is still slipping slowly through, fighting every inch of the portal as it closes. She sees Elliot’s hands come up and cup hers, both now cradling her dimming soul.
“Liv, time to be whole again.” She looks up as he speaks, staring into his eyes that are almost the same colour as her soul. He moves her hands up towards her gaping shirt, towards the center of the empty feeling in her chest.
As Elliot drives her hands towards home, his lips meet hers. She gasps as she feels absolution wash over her. Not the absolution Lyzareth promised, but the one Elliot badgered her about enough to make her start this quest. Warmth spreads out from glyphs Elliot had written on her chest. She can see that they glow brightly by the shadows they cast over Elliot.
His lips are warm, his hands cradling and she can feel a fullness inside of her again. There is a spark of magic that washes over her and she feels a new level of acceptance of the parts she always denied of her soul. Her magic comes from the dark swirl in her soul, her mother fought tooth and nail to make sure she grew up with the good in her soul. How can she hate a part of herself that can be used for such good.
The glowing dims as he takes his lips off hers. She thought she would never forget the sharp memory of when her soul was taken but having it back inside acts as a balm, easing the intensity. The buzz and warmth she feels stays after Elliot pulls his head back.
“Elliot, I never…. I feel…” She can’t finish a single thought, tears are making their way down her face. She can’t seem to catch her breath. The room feels eerily still, everything has stopped rustling from the power of the ritual.
She is looking straight at Elliot as a concern makes its home on his face. The light buzzing in her head becomes more overwhelming, coupled with her vision beginning to fuzz.
“Olivia, breathe. You need to sloow your bre-” Elliot’s words feel as though they are wading through mud to reach her ears. Her fingers begin to tingle and the last time she felt this was when Lyzareth removed her soul. Worry pushes its way past the confusion she feels.
Elliot jolts suddenly, which causes her own head to loll to the side. Movement and shadows flit across her vision before her body becomes weightless. The last thing she sees before losing consciousness is hands grabbing at Elliot, trying to take him away.
Olivia regains consciousness with a startle, rearing up from the bed she is resting in. Immediately she spots Nick as he quickly stands and comes towards her. He hovers without touching her, treating her exactly like he was when she was soulless. She hasn’t seen him, or even the team since Elliot came back. She stopped messaging them back and bunked at Elliot's place, hiding herself away to attempt to lessen the pain when Lyzareth eventually crushed her soul. She thinks Elliot may have been communicating with them behind her back but in the aftermath of the return of her soul, Olivia couldn’t care less.
She smiles, she can’t help it. Her wonderfully loyal partner. Olivia hasn’t been able to hold onto the hope she had of this working and after accomplishing it, she feels like she is on cloud 9. Relief is evident on his face with her smile.
“It worked, I have my soul back.” She feels Nick react to the news physically as he quickly pulls her into a hug. Olivia returns the hug fiercely, like she can’t help it. She can feel her emotions in a way she hasn’t for such a long time. They all feel too extreme in the wake of her soul being returned, like her body is compensating for the feeling of nothing during the months her soul was gone.
She pulls back from Nick and rubs her chest absently as her anxiety raises. Olivia notices Elliot's missing presence. As she rubs her chest she stops suddenly at the feeling of smooth skin, where previously there was a raised scar. With no thought to her modesty at this moment, she pulls the hospital gown away from her chest. She is able to look comfortably down the neck hole. The mark on her chest has changed. The tattoo still circles it but what was once a raised, difficult and ugly scar, now settled into something else. The scar has settled into a five pointed star, paler than the rest of her skin. The return of her soul has allowed the skin to heal. When Olivia looks back up, Nick has moved away and Fin has a look on his face that she has never seen.
“I never wanted to see Elliot again but I knew he would stop at nothing to save you.” Fin’s words give her an understanding of how bad she must’ve been when she had no soul. When Elliot first left, Fin never said anything about the situation. He found her crying in the locker room after packing up Elliot’s desk, preparing to empty his locker. He sat with her, not offering any platitudes. From that point on, Olivia knew if she ever needed him, Fin would be there.
She reaches her palm out and fin meets it with no hesitation. He squeezes long and hard, expressing more feelings than he can in words. Tears spring to her eyes and she smiles at Fin. She quickly drops her hand to wipe her eyes.
“I feel so out of wack, like my emotions are at the extreme.” The two men offer no denial of this fact, hugging and crying is not how she usually acts. The reality of what she last experienced before losing consciousness creeps back in.
“How long was I out? Where is Elliot? Is Lyza… Is It truly gone?” She can’t say it’s name, she doesn’t want to ever say it again.
“It has been a few hours, they didn’t know how long you were going to be out for. They weren't sure why you were unconscious. Honestly the whole situation is a bit of a cluster fuck.” Nick stops and rubs his hand down his face. Olivia looks from Nick to Fin and sees the same annoyance on his face as well.
“They.. They arrested Elliot. TDU wouldn’t budge on an arrest for the banishment.” Her concern skyrockets as Nick continues to speak. She starts to make a move to get out of the bed but Fin stops her quickly.
“Stop Liv, he is being released as we speak. Once Barba was aware of the arrest, he got involved to make sure no charges were laid.” She doesn’t relax, doesn’t ease back into the bed. Fin continues as he knows those words will not be enough to ease her worry.
“Amanda stayed with him, escorted him to the tombs with TDU, as soon as he is out, she is bringing him here.” She finally nods before easing back into the middle of the bed, blanket back over her legs. Nick grabs a cup of water and pointedly places it in her hands. She obliges and takes a sip, motioning with her hand for Fin to continue. Now that she can process all she missed, she has to know everything.
“Elliot actually sent the location you were at to me. When we arrived, we could see the ritual active from outside on the ground floor. TDU were fizzing to get in there and stop it. When we found you, TDU wouldn’t listen to reason. The unfamiliar circle, the power Elliot had to put into it and the way you collapsed made them think Elliot was finishing off the job Lyz..” Olivia knows Fin is good with victims, he picks up things that sometimes others never consider. He quickly stumbles over Its name, remembering the way she wouldn’t say it.
“That Elliot was finishing you off. It didn't help that Tucker was a couple days off going scorched earth on both of you and asking a judge for warrants. He is beyond pissed for how you were roaming around and entering demon crime scenes before we could.”
They’re interrupted by the door opening, allowing a nurse and doctor to enter. Any other kind of talk about what had happened is put on hold, a habit stemming from years of keeping case conversation for police ears only. The unnecessary questions from the doctor, drag on her patience. When she thinks she is about to reach the end of her rope, the medical team leaves. She notices that during the check up, Fin leaves the room.
After a few moments she decides to get up and change out of the hospital gown. Olivia asks Nick to find her clothes that she arrived in. Nick begins to search the room as she slowly stands from the bed. Her legs feel unsteady and fatigued.
Nick presents her with a bag of ‘patient property’ with an ‘aha!’’ As she makes a move to grab it, Elliot walks into the room. She freezes as she lays eyes on him. He looks ruffled, with a slight mark on his chin. He would’ve resisted TDU to stay with her. She knows what they would say about the bruise, reasonable force necessary to effect arrest.
Elliot keeps moving into the room, towards her as she takes him in. He doesn't stay still until he is in front of her, wrapping his arms around her. He pulls her in tight and she nuzzles into his neck. Olivia squeezes him back with the same force.
Olivia eventually pulls her head back. Elliot lets his arms loosen, resting on the small of her back. She looks into his eyes and sees her soul reflected back. Having seen the colour of her own soul, she knows that will be all she can see within Elliot’s eyes. His hands move to cup her face, thumbs absently brushing across her cheek bones.
“I left because I thought that would save your soul from being tainted by mine. I will never make that mistake again. I was too bull headed to see that as madness and I love you too much to ever leave you again.” It’s his confession, the one he had been waiting to deliver since he came back into her life. Elliot had tried to tell her before now but the hurt couldn’t be soothed in her soulless state.
Olivia leans forward and kisses him. Their second kiss, but the first one she can really feel. She doesn’t pay any mind to the others in the room and moves her arms around Elliot's neck.
Olivia has seen her soul resting in this man's hands. She sees its colour reflected in his eyes. She knows the reason her soul is home is because of him.
Olivia will never have to worry again about what will happen to her soul because her guardian, her other half, her partner, will never let anything bad happen again.