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As you grew up, you noticed you were different from your peers.
For one, you didn’t feel the same drive and temptation to have sex as everyone else seemed to have. Whether it was gossip amongst your friends, a song on the radio, or multiple scenes in tv shows and movies – everything always seemed to revolve around sex.
You did have a crush every now and again and even dated a few people. But you broke it off once they tried to initiate something beyond a kiss or cuddling.
And you abruptly lost interest in dating after someone you went out with for a few months accused you of being a tease for not wanting to go “all the way” with them.
Instead, you poured more energy into your hobbies and spending time with friends. But in the back of your mind you wondered if anyone else felt the same way you did – or if you were just an anomaly.
One night while scrolling on reddit you came across a thread discussing asexuality, and it piqued your interest. After a few hours of scrolling, looking terms up, and navigating to multiple websites – you are left speechless.
Although it seems obvious now that it’s laid out in front of you, you acknowledge that you’ve never experienced sexual attraction. Instead, you’ve mistaken feeling aesthetic and romantic attraction as sexual because you haven’t had many examples otherwise. This both soothes and upsets you. Because the chances of meeting anyone who fully understands and accepts you feels impossible.
After many nights of researching, you’ve prepared to enjoy your life with platonic connections only.
Until one day, you meet Sylus and the two of you just click. You’re unable to control how swiftly you develop a crush on him.
And honestly who could blame you?
Sylus is roguishly handsome. And beyond that – he has a devious sense of humor, an entrancing voice, and his piercing ruby red gaze have become a mainstay in your dreams.
And before long, yours and his free time have become entwined. Whether it be playing video games together, attending auctions for obscure treasures, or working out your frustrations in his home gym. You gravitated towards each other, and he brought up feelings that you’ve never felt for another person.
You have also shared intimate moments. In contrast with your past dating attempts, they never went too far, and you felt comfortable the entire time. Cuddling on the couch while watching movies, holding hands as you walk at night, clinging to his tapered waist as he steers his bike smoothly around the twists and turns on the highway. You’ve even shared pecks on the lips on the rare occasion that you feel bold enough to initiate. The common theme with all your interactions is that Sylus has never pressured you, content with going at the pace you wordlessly set.
You know you are in love with him. It is crystal clear to you and anyone who witnesses you two together. But lately you’ve been in a perpetual state of fear anticipating the day when the absence of sex will sour your dynamic.
You have eyes, and you see how strangers eye Sylus when you two are in public. He’s undeniably attractive, quick witted, hilarious, wealthy and mischievous. The full package in almost anyone’s mind.
You are painfully aware that so many people would love to be in your place. Ready and willing to give him something that you have no interest in. And that makes you feel self-conscious, small, and inadequate. But you are able to ignore these thoughts because being with him is worth the (mental) anguish.
It all came to a head when Sylus invited you to his home and surprised you with a fully catered meal from his personal chef. While you experienced sheer bliss from the dessert served Sylus asked you to be his girlfriend.
You felt your heart stop beating for a few moments. And while you wanted to scream “YES” you still carried the wounds from being discarded and called a tease once you made it clear that you had no interest in sex.
So, instead of following your heart you withdrew from Sylus and the happy bubble you two formed whenever you are in each other’s presence.
You began to decline his invitations to hang out, you tried your best not to get too close to him so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea, you even contemplated breaking off your friendship. But you selfishly couldn’t let him go.
Sylus is observant, infuriatingly so, and he immediately noticed how you withdrew into yourself after he asked you to be his, officially.
At first, he was taken aback. Not because he wasn’t prepared for rejection. But more so because the longing and affection he saw reflecting in your eyes resonated with how he felt about you.
He gave you the space and time to come to him and express yourself. But when it became apparent that that moment may never occur, he refused to let you slip away.
After luring you over with the promise of a VR gaming night, Sylus broached what’s been weighing on his mind.
“I realize that rejecting someone may be an uncomfortable experience. But I cannot bear losing you just because my feelings aren’t reciprocated. Please don’t shut me out kitten.”
You feel a lump form in your throat as your heart rate skyrockets.
“Rejecting you is the last thing I want to do Sylus. I just-” you cut yourself off before the truth can flow past your lips. Then, you hastily turn your face away from his searching gaze as your eyes began to mist over.
You feel him gently grab one of your hands in his own and rub his thumb over your knuckles in a soothing manner. After a few moments of silence, you look his way again.
“Sweetie, anything you tell me will not change how I feel about you. I promise.”
The sincere look in his eyes finally gives you the courage to say what’s been weighing on your mind.
“Sy I would love to date you…but I don’t want to mislead you about the type of person that I am.”
He reluctantly released your hand, but his eyes remain unflinchingly focused on you – taking in each micro expression that flits across your visage.
“What type of person you are? I am very familiar with that already sweetie.” Sylus says with a teasing lilt.
You can’t help but huff at his tone during your serious moment. But it warms your heart all the same.
“Well, there is one thing I have not shared with you, it’s about my sexuality. I-I’m asexual Sylus.”
The silence in his home is thick and drags on as you nervously fiddle with your fingers.
When your eyes meet again, Sylus is just sitting there. Patiently waiting for you to continue, like you didn’t just drop the bomb of a lifetime.
“…Is that all?”
You sputter in disbelief.
“Is that all? Sylus I do not experience sexual attraction.”
“Well yes, that’s the definition asexuality.”
You quickly speak over him before he can piss you off further.
“WHICH MEANS that I am not interested in having sex. Like at all. I think I’m sex ambivalent most days and sex repulsed the others.”
Sylus’ eyes sparkle as he takes in how animated you’ve become.
“Do you feel better now kitten?”
“…I guess.”
“Now that you’ve gotten that off of your chest, will you answer my question?”
“What question?”
Sylus’ smile reaches his eyes, clearly displaying his affection towards you.
“Will. You. Be. Mine?” punctuating each word with a chaste kiss to each cheek, your forehead, ending with your lips.
“Are you really okay with dating someone like me?”
“Sweetie, I’ve been searching for you for lifetimes. I would accept you no matter what your sexuality is, how you look, and in spite of any other flaw you see within yourself.”
Your breath catches in your throat as his all-encompassing acceptance warms your heart.
“Then, you already know my answer. I’m in love with you and my heart is already yours.”
All Sylus can do is smile and pull you into a hug. You are the other half of his soul, and he will love you however you come.