Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

7:07 am - The alarm rang, making that god-awful noise you could barely even stand anymore. It rid you of your sleep and forced you out of your dreams, luring a loud groan from your lips.

Raising your hand, you reached over to your bedside table, feeling for the evil device making such noise this morning.

Finding your phone eventually, you pulled it close, pressing the button on the side to turn off the noise that had disturbed you.

Once silence returned, you couldn’t help but hum in appreciation, slowly opening your eyes to gaze at the display of your phone.

7 in the morning.

Even though you should be used to it already, you can’t help but let out an insulted huff, as if the time shown to you was displeasing to your own eyes.

And quite frankly it was; who even liked standing up this early in the morning? No one. Exactly.

Pulling yourself out of the comfort of your own bed, you moved to get ready, fatigue still heavy on your shoulders, forcing a yawn from your lips.

You barely even registered what you were doing; every morning was the same, a routine you had gotten used to, to the point you could follow it without paying attention.

The reason you didn’t even notice as you put on your uniform, slung a bag over your shoulder, put on your shoes, and left through the front door with your keys and phone in hand.

You locked the door on your way out, putting it in your bag after you made sure the door was truly locked.

Another part of the routine was the way down the stairs, out of the apartment building and onto the empty sidewalk.

Almost immediately the chilly morning air slammed into you, making you shudder for a moment, cursing yourself out for having forgotten your jacket.

Something that had been a bad habit of yours for a while now, always forgetting stuff, could really get you into trouble someday.

The walk to work had been the same as always until you turned a corner, almost at your destination, until the sound of yelling called through the street, hitting your ears like a personal assault.

Seriously, what lunatic would be screaming this early? 

Turning your head to the source of the sound, you spotted a mass of people surrounding what could very well be a fight.

And now, you’re not really the nosiest person, but even you are just human; getting curious is normal, isn’t it?

Before you knew it, your feet had carried you over, and you were pushing past people to see what was going on.

None of them bothered to even make space for you, so you oh so kindly pushed them aside, forcing your way through, until you finally got a sight on the situation.

“You monster! Because of you, people keep disappearing!”

Talk about rude—you took a moment to fully process the situation, and a man, late 30s probably, stood over a… clown?

Clad in a red costume, he sat upon the ground, a bruise adorning his face, or well, mask, flyers strewn around him, while he looked down at the ground with wide eyes.

Seemed like he was barely even here with his thoughts, a detached look on his face.

Did he not care about the man yelling at him? 

Did he think it would be over quicker if he remained silent?

Thoughts that you did not have an answer to scattered in your head.

Wasn’t anyone going to step in? Were they all the same opinion as that man? No. That can't be right.

This isn’t right. 

And once again, your body moved by itself; at this point, it really had a mind of its own, stepping in between the man and the clown on the floor.

Who looked up once a shadow passed over him, eyes widening at the sight of the person in front of him.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

The man before you narrowed his eyes, jaw tightening.

“What does it look like? Putting this freak in his place! Because of him and that circus, people keep disappearing!”

“Are you certain of that statement?”

Almost immediately, the man turned silent, words caught in the back of his throat. For a moment he seemed to wrestle with himself, his expressions shifting.

“He’s just doing his job. I could very well call the police and report you for harassment and for attacking someone, unless you have clear evidence that he’s part of the disappearances.” Which he probably doesn’t.

Saying that, you raised the phone in your hand.

The people around you started murmuring until one of them finally spoke up.

“This is not right!” - “He’s just doing his job!”

One after another they spoke up, intimidating the man who backed away, eyes widening as he looked around himself.

“You all… Blind idiots! Soon you’ll disappear too! Just you wait and see; I warned you, all of you!”

His words pretty much fell on deaf ears as he turned to leave, steps filled with tension, boots hitting against the floor like he had personal beef with it.

Seriously, you’ll never understand people like that.

Slowly the mass of people around you began to dissipate, people going back on their respective ways, returning to their daily business as if nothing had happened at all.

And you, you turned to the clown on the floor, who was already picking up all the flyers scattered around and pressing them against his chest.

You kneeled down to help after putting your phone in your pocket, reaching for the paper and handing it over to the red-clad clown who looked at you with wide eyes, almost like a puppy.

Once you picked pretty much all of them from the ground, you yourself stood back up, followed by the clown, who, by the way, was hella tall!!

It took you a little off guard, your surprise written all over your face, though it wasn’t a bad kind of surprise, not at all.

“You, uhm… alright?”

You asked carefully, receiving nothing but a nod from the clown, the bells on his hat jingling with the motion, creating a soft sound.

Not much of a talker, eh?

For a while it remained silent between you both until your eyes landed back on the bruise on the side of his face—mask? It was definitely a bruise, the red on his cheek a clear reminder of the violence he had just endured from the man.

It did make you feel a bit guilty.

Seeing someone treated so badly because of mindless accusations.

Just because people have been disappearing from town didn’t mean they were at fault! Even if their arrival had been quite the time-wise convenient one, it didn’t give anyone the right to just blame them for it.

Reaching your hand into your bag, you began to look around inside it, trying to find something pink and small, and... there it is!

Out you take a pink bandage, and the last one you had as well, it seemed.

Smiling to yourself at the little triumph, you handed it over to the clown before you, watching his eyes widen with a kind of recognition.

When his hand reached out to take the bandage, you couldn’t help but smile wider, seeing him take it with a grateful nod of his head, the bells jingling yet again, a sound not entirely unpleasant.

“Don’t listen to people like that.”

You reassured, making a kind of dismissive wave towards the area where the man had disappeared to, eyes remaining fixated on the clown though.

Not once had he taken his eyes off of you, watching you as if you were the only person in the world; it was kind of adorable.

Now, you would have loved to continue your little, rather one sided, chat. But work was unfortunately calling for you.

“Take care, okay?”

This time your hand moved to wave at him, a gesture that, unbeknownst to you, made the red clown's heart race just as much as it did when he saw your smile.

His hand was clutching the bandage tight as he watched you turn and leave.

You yourself are quite happy with what you’ve done.

Helping someone was always a thing to be proud of, and this time you had really outdone yourself.

Your mind drifted back to the circus performer at least a few more times; why exactly your mind was so fascinated by him, was a mystery even to you, but you did hope you would see him again.

And you would.

Maybe even sooner than you anticipated.

Chapter Text

Luckily enough, you arrived just on time at work, the smell of coffee and pastry hitting your nose like the sweetest of punches, one of the perks of working as a barista.

The cafe was already filled with a few customers, most waiting or already having received their orders, chatting happily with one another.

It was a pleasing sight that always brought a sense of calm over you that you couldn’t quite explain.

Walking over to the counter, ready to drop your bag and start your day of work, you stopped in an instant when your boss appeared before you.

“You got here just in time. It’s busier than usual with the cold weather; I could really use some more help.”

Now that made you furrow your brows in question.

Your boss noticed and sighed.

"Carol's running late; I’ve been covering for her.”

“She is?”

You exclaimed in surprise, eyes wide as you turned to look. You hadn’t really paid attention to it before, but now that you did, you couldn’t ignore the clearly empty spot behind the counter where your coworker usually stood.

She never ran late.

“Is she okay? That’s not like her..."

He breathed out heavily, shoulders sagging a little as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“I wish I could give an answer to that. I tried reaching her but couldn’t get through; maybe she’s just not feeling well? Whatever the case, worrying won’t bring us far.”

With a gesture of his hand, he pointed over at the counter.

“Orders are over there; take them to their tables. And try not to worry too much, okay?”

He muttered that last part, placing a reassuring hand on your shoulder as he passed, making his way to the back of the small cafe shop.

His reassuring words, while being appreciated, did not help calm the already racing thoughts inside your head, the worry that began to set in your chest like a heavy burden.

While yes, it could be that she was just running late or feeling unwell, the second option felt more believable.

After all, she never ran this late before.

And even if she was feeling sick, she always made sure to notify someone of her absence; now that even that hadn’t happened, you felt more than just concerned.

You swallowed down those worried thoughts and moved behind the counter; you were probably just overthinking! Surely she was alright.

As if you’d believe that.

But you forced yourself to, pushing this particular problem to the back of your head to focus on work instead.

Dropping the bag that hung over your shoulder, you were quick to grab the first orders already, taking a glance down at the note before moving over to the designated table, putting on your signature work smile.

“Good morning. Here is your order; I apologize for the delay.”

You hummed with that gentle tone of yours that the customers loved.

With careful movement, you placed the two cups, followed by a piece of cake, right in front of the two women.

“Ah, no worries!”

One of them waved with her hand, letting out a chuckle as she dismissed your apology.

The other one just smiled, her hands wrapping around the warm cup of coffee, her gaze falling on you.

“Did you hear the news?”

“Not yet..."

You murmured that you never particularly liked watching the news, not only because it was boring most of the time, packed with politics and whatever other stuff.

It also was the main source for bad reports, always talking about kidnappings, murders, disappearances, and whatever unpleasant things came to mind.

“That’s no good. There had recently been another disappearance; apparently she ran off with a lover or something."

Is that so? You wondered what kind of life someone would need to possess to want to run away—no, not only want it, but to actually do it.

Maybe you did actually hear of this, but you can’t really remember. Well, whatever.

You mentally shrugged your shoulders.

“Well, no one knows for sure what happened. Still, isn’t it scary?”

The other women replied, shuddering at the thought before turning back to you.

“Just be careful.”

Did the coffee-sipping female mutter, eyes lowering to her cup.

“Will do.”

A short but effective reply that was meant to end the conversation as you stepped away.

Over to the next table where one lonely person sat, you placed down the hot chocolate after checking if it was the correct order for this table, watching as the woman’s eyes lit up.

“Thank you! I’ve been craving something warm in this chilly weather."

She hummed in delight, already pulling the cup closer, as if to absorb its warmth.

“It did get pretty cold all of a sudden... The weather's been all over the place.”

Nodding along, she let out a small hum.

“True it is. You walk out with an umbrella and boots only to sweat your ass off moments later.”

Yep, that was the perfect description of the current weather situation: all over the damn place; its mood swings had been unbearable lately.

You couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I agree. If you need anything else, let me know.”

With a simple nod from the woman’s side, you then pushed away from the table, focusing on the next one as you made your way over to it.

The following table was occupied by two men, one already turning to look at you as you approached.

Placing down the steaming espresso, the brunette grabbed it almost immediately, pulling it closer, the other one letting out a small sigh, shaking his head as he watched his macchiato hit the table next with a soft thud.

“Thanks. I’ve been dying for some coffee.”

He gave a low appreciative hum, nodding his head along as he reached his hand out for the cup of coffee.

The other guy, the brunette, who had already taken a generous sip from his own drink, barely even paying attention to you, looked at his friend.

“You saw the flyers for the circus, right?”

“I have. It’s been ages since a traveling circus came to town.”

You stood at the side, listening to them as they barely paid attention to you.

“Those clowns there are hella creepy!”

That catches your attention a little; you couldn’t help but think back to a specific red-clad clown, seated upon the floor with the biggest puppy eyes known to mankind, looking up at you like you were the only thing that had mattered in that moment.

It made your smile soften a little, your chest warming at the memory that you had created just an hour or so ago.

“Well, it is supposed to be a circus of horrors. It’s good marketing from their side if you ask me—oh, sorry, we’re all set."

The calmer of the two finally noticed you standing and kind of daydreaming, gifting you a calm smile.

“No problem.”

You rasped, shaking off the recollections of earlier this morning.

Gifting both men your well-mastered customer smile before stepping away.

You were busy arranging trays and basically just doing anything until your boss decided to grace you with his presence yet again.

Flyers he had been collecting the past minute tugged under his arm before he lovingly shoved them into your arms.

“The nerve of those clowns, leaving all these flyers behind. Be so kind and clean them up, yeah?”

He muttered with a small huff, already stepping around you.

You looked down at the flyers in your hands, the same ones strewn everywhere on the streets, plastered against walls and shops alike.

The freak circus of horrors.

“Don’t you think they treat them a bit harsh?”

The words left your mouth before you could even process them yourself.

“Who? The performers? No wonder, really; they freak people out. Just keep them away; they’re not good for business.”

It’s true. Still, you couldn’t help but feel bad; there was truly no excuse for treating them so badly.

“Yes sir.”

That’s all he needed as a response before he walked away with a nod of his head, leaving you to clean up the flyers, which you began to do immediately.

—————— - - -

A small huff left your lips as you picked up another paper, holding the stacks of flyers in your hands now, looking down at them with disbelief.

These were way more than you expected, holy damn.

How did so many even get here? A question that would remain unanswered as the bell above the door created a soft ring, alarming you of a new customer; in an instant, you called out.

“Welcome!”

“I would like a strong coffee, please.”

The man moved to sit at one of the tables at the back; you nodded along, humming out that you would bring it soon.

And you did, with the flyers still in one hand, unsure where to put them for now; you brought over the coffee, which rested in your other hand securely.

Reaching the table, you set the steaming cup down, glancing at the man who let out a satisfied hum.

Now that you looked at him, he appeared rather uncanny, dressed in a blue suit, raven black hair brushed back neatly, and his hands folded on top of the table.

He was unnaturally pale looking, though it might have just been the lighting.

His stare was what really unnerved you, his eyes dark, incredibly so, pulled wide open as he gazed at you.

Yeah, he was creeping you out, but you wouldn’t blatantly say that, definitely not in his face.

You didn’t even notice as his eyes trailed down to the flyers in your hands.

“Now isn’t it just rude to leave flyers in a place of business, right?”

His voice was deeper than you expected but still soft-spoken in a way that made you want to listen, almost perfect to lure people in.

“I can take them for you and toss them on my way out when I leave. It’s quite convenient; I was gathering paper for recycling anyway.”

Not giving it a second thought, you place down the stack of gathered flyers onto the table beside his cup of coffee, glad to have gotten rid of one problem at least.

“Well, I’m glad to know they won’t be completely wasted. If you need anything else—"

There wasn’t a chance for you to finish your sentence as he spoke and ultimately interrupted you.

“Do you like the circus?”

What a weird question; you had never really been to one.

Maybe when you had been younger you had an occasional look at it from the outside, but that wasn’t equal to actually having experienced it.

“I’ve never been to one. I might be too old for that now anyway.”

Honestly, you just wanted to end this conversation.

This man was giving you the creeps, and it wasn’t getting any better talking to him.

But you stopped when he pulled out a pink ticket, offering it up to you after giving it a thoughtful glance.

“Here. Take it; the circus is not what you think. Try it out and then tell me it didn’t give you chills.”

You stammered, shaking your head and smiling nervously.

“No—I can’t possibly accept that. Those tickets are seriously expensive; I wouldn’t want you to waste it.”

“I’ve been to the circus already. I’ll be out of town soon and wouldn’t want this ticket to go to waste. Take it; you can use it or sell it.”

The ticket rested in the man’s palm like a silent invite.

You were stuck between taking it and refusing its mysterious allure.

But then you thought back to the red clown; he was a performer, right? Surely you’d be able to see his performance with this ticket…

Your heart raced with the thought of being able to see him in the spotlight. What would he do? Dance? Would he do tricks?

Your hand reached out on its own at the endearing thought, grasping the pink ticket and pulling it close, unable to stop yourself from smiling, knowing you’ll be able to see his performance.

The seated man let out a satisfied hum yet again; maybe he liked making that sound, who knew?

What you did know was that he stood up without even having touched his coffee once.

“Good to know my ticket isn’t going to waste. Thanks for your time.”

And just like that he left after grabbing the flyers.

Your eyes drifted to the abandoned coffee, thinking of it as a waste, before settling down on the pink ticket yet again.

That conversation, no matter how weird it was, might have just been worth it.

Chapter Text

“Make sure to close the shop after the last customer leaves.”

Your boss began to speak, standing on the opposite side of the counter, across from where you stood.

“I have an appointment and wouldn’t want you to leave too late. So you’ll have to close early.”

He then proceeded to put the keys to the shop down onto the top of the counter, providing a faint clink sound, your eyes already drifting down to look at them before back up at your boss.

This appointment came as an unexpected surprise, it seemed, because he hadn’t informed you of it at all today, except for now.

Maybe it was a last-minute thing?

Whatever the case, you just hummed and gifted him a reassuring smile, your hand sliding over the countertop to grasp the keys, pulling them close just to stuff them into one of your pockets.

“You can count on me, boss.”

“Well then. I expect to see you tomorrow at work. Be careful on your way home.”

Was all he said before he had turned around and left through the door, the bell over it giving off a soft ringing sound, dulling in just a matter of seconds after the door had closed.

You couldn’t help but throw a victory dance, well, in your head. Shorter work hours were always welcome in your books, meaning less work, obviously, something anyone should be happy about.

So with the promise of sweet early freedom in mind, you started your last task, clean.

While the last customer continued to calmly enjoy his drink, you moved around, cleaning tables, doing a quick sweep through the shop.

And perfect timing, because just when you finished sweeping the floor, the customer had already passed by, giving you a grateful wave of his hand and nod of his head.

“Thanks for the coffee.”

He thanked you, leaving you time to gift him a quick smile before he left the store.

In an instant you appeared beside the table he had sat at.

Wiping the wooden surface with surprising enthusiasm in the face of an early leave.

Just this last thing and you could close the shop, go home, and get some well-deserved rest.

The thought alone made you eager to finish, and soon enough you did, letting out a relieved sigh as you gazed down at the clean table with pride. Finally, now you just had to go get your bag, and then—

The sound of the bell chimed, making you turn around instantly, ready to dismiss anyone who had hoped to get a coffee this late. Already preparing your speech mentally—'Sorry, we’re closed. I have to ask of you to leave, please.’

But you didn’t even get that far.

Because just as your eyes set to what was supposed to be a person standing there, you were met with nothing. Not a single person in sight, no one.

Just an empty spot by the door.

Your eyes narrowed at the sight, your heart pounding in your chest.

Did you just imagine the ringing sound? Were you really that done for today? You couldn’t possibly be that tired…

One hesitant step forward was all it took for the light to suddenly go out.

The whole shop turned dark in an instant; your eyes took a moment to adjust to the sudden shift, yet it still remained as difficult to make out anything in the darkness.

You swallowed, the sound louder than ever in your ears.

Your heart thumped, going crazy in your chest, hitting against your ribcage as if it was trying to jump out.

Goosebumps raised on your skin, and your shoulders tensed.

It was dead silent.

And that’s what unnerved you even more, the silence.

You weren’t really afraid of the darkness; even as it had startled you, it was the eerie quiet that felt unusually abnormal and weird.

The way absolutely nothing made a sound disturbed you a little; even the fly you swore you heard every shift in your ear wasn’t there any longer.

Snapping out of your state of uncomfortable surprise, you took a hesitant step forward yet again.

You knew the layout of the shop like the back of your hand, but hell, did you have trouble coordinating yourself right now.

Still, you did it, somehow being able to have made your way to the breaker behind the counter, ignoring the feeling of eyes boring into your back.

It must be your mind playing tricks on you, tricks that you weren’t really in the mood for right now.

You opened the breaker, letting out a scoff when you couldn’t see shit.

Well, you’ll just take a gamble then.

Reaching your hand inside, you began to feel for the switch. Once you found it, you let out a breath you didn’t even realize you had been holding in.

Flipping it, it took just a minute before the lights turned on, bathing everything in a warm yellow glow, which you preferred a lot more over the blind darkness.

Now at least you could let your shoulders slump and let yourself take a deep inhale, breathing feeling a lot easier now for some reason.

Even the feeling of stares boring into you had disappeared, which made you incredibly relieved.

With a small thud, you closed the breaker, making sure it was fully closed.

Turning around, you moved to grab your bag, checking if you had everything you needed.

And then there was that same soft chime from the bell above the door, ringing through the shop, a sound you really didn’t want to hear right now, taking in consideration you were desperate to get home.

Turning on your heel in a fluid, smooth, and flawless motion, you once again were ready to address the person who had entered, this time for real.

Well, unless your mind had once again planned a trick on you, because that’s totally been the case a minute ago, right?

Yet you stopped when you saw who it was.

There stood the red clown from this morning; you let your gaze drift over him for a moment, something your eyes seemed to appreciate a lot.

To the point you had all forgotten about the words of dismissal you had prepared, to send anyone away who had dared to enter.

He is welcome, you thought in the back of your mind.

That’s when you noticed the red liquid dripping from the top of his head; it made your chest seize, heart aching in a way you couldn’t explain.

Though before you could point it out, he suddenly stepped closer, his hand reaching out towards you.

Your eyes remained glued to him, your full attention directed at him as he offered you a red paper flower.

Slowly reaching out, you took it into your own hands delicately, as if it could break if handled too roughly.

It was a very well-crafted paper flower, one you couldn’t imagine making even in your wildest dreams despite how easy it looked.

The red paint atop it was still wet, making you be even more careful with it.

Despite this being such a small and simple gesture, you couldn’t help but smile, your heart warming.

Looking back up at the clown before you with a wide smile, you could barely notice the gleam of adoration in his eyes, pupils dilating, almost making them look like the shape of hearts.

“Because of the bandage?”

He nodded almost instantly, the grin on his face widening by just a little, which did make your eyes snap to the corners of his mouth in an instant.

But surely enough, you focused back on the injury on his forehead; you couldn’t possibly let him leave like that.

Not on your watch.

Gesturing towards one of the seats at a nearby table, it didn’t even take you an explanation for him to settle down in an instant, hands placed neatly in his lap as he waited for you.

Yeah, he was not fighting the puppy allegations.

It once again made you smile, or well, made your already existing smile wider, because you haven’t stopped, not once.

Almost as if he had some kind of effect on you, you wouldn’t deny the fact you did feel more at ease around him.

You placed the flower onto the counter gently as you moved behind it, beginning your search for something to treat his wound.

And well, luck was on your side it seemed; soon enough you found some cotton pads and disinfectant, with which you moved back to him.

Putting the stuff down on top of the table, you turn to him, pulling the sleeves of your uniform up before reaching out carefully, tilting his head to the side to get a better look at the wound.

Which, for the record, wasn’t as bad as it looked; still, the thought of someone having hit him again, to the point he bled, made your blood boil a little, irritation settling deep in your bones.

Silently you worked to clean the wound, noting the subtle way the red-clad clown seemed to lean into your touch on his face, not even flinching once as the disinfectant hit the wound.

It did make it easier to clean though, not having someone struggle and complain the whole time.

But that did raise a question in your head, one you did not hesitate to voice at all.

“Are you always this quiet?”

In case you didn’t have his attention before, now you definitely did, his head flinching up to look at you.

Oh.

“I didn’t mean to be rude… I just noticed you never seem to talk…

Now you have done it; he probably thinks you were judging him for being so silent. You weren’t! Anxiety built up inside you when he continued to remain silent, unsure what he was thinking now.

All those worries piled up inside you, blocking your mind to the point you didn’t even notice as the clown looked around warily.

Not until he pulled you down a little, leaning closer to your ear, his breath hot against your skin, making you tense up.

“I can’t be seen talking.”

He whispered, and his voice took you off guard for a moment.

You hadn’t expected it to be so deep; it still had a gentle touch to it, a lighter tone that you would have expected of him more.

This was definitely not what you thought he’d sound like.

But it wasn’t a bad thing at all; if anything, it made him more… appealing.

“Is it like, part of the act?”

"Yes, my dear. I sincerely appreciate all your help.”

He hummed as he let go of you, letting you stand up straight and take a step back, something you rather reluctantly did.

“I’m the Pierrot; nice to meet you!”

"Pierrot..."

You let the name roll off your lips, watching his smile widen at the sound of it.

Well, you had to admit, you did like how it sounded.

Just to keep it fair, you introduced yourself as well, nodding your head, imitating a small bow.

“I know..”

He muttered, whispered even, his words so quiet, you could have easily missed them wouldn’t you have your whole attention on him.

You know what you heard; it was undeniable, but you remained silent because apparently you weren’t as disturbed by those words as you should be.

“So Pierrot, huh? You don’t really look like one. What’s up with that?”

“You’re right, my dear! I was required to… modernize my attire, but my role remains unchanged.”

“Well, I like it.”

You complimented without a second thought, watching as his eyes widened, not with surprise but with affection and appreciation for those kind words.

“I’m glad you do, my dear.”

You couldn’t help but smile to yourself, happy to see him so pleased with the compliment; he probably didn’t get many anyway, taking into consideration how people treat him.

“Though it does scare quite a few people. They’ve been pretty rough on you, huh?”

“I suppose we do appear a tad uncanny… it unsettles people.”

“But it’s good for the circus marketing, right? I’ve seen some other Pierrots as well. The ones in the pink costumes, they are also handing out flyers, aren’t they?”

Pierrot nodded in an instant, the bells atop his head jingling with the motion, as if the bell above the shop door hadn’t made enough of that sound today already.

“You’re right. But I’m the only Pierrot, my dear. The others are jesters and… harlequins."

He rolled his eyes at that last one, seemingly annoyed, making you raise a brow.

Okay so he did not like the Harlequins, noted.

“That’s really cool!”

You exclaimed with excitement, watching as that same smile as before returned to Pierrot’s face.

“So are you like the only one who stays silent?”

“Indeed I am. Though I do make an exception when it’s the two of us.”

He mused, placing a finger in front of his lips, it made you chuckle, happy to share this secret with him.

As a response, you moved your own hand, making a motion in front of your lips so as to show him you would keep quiet about this.

The action drew a snicker from him, the sound incredibly pleasant to your ears.

That’s when you noticed the bandage you had gifted him earlier this morning, as an act of kindness, slowly coming off. Instinctively making you reach out, careful as to not startle him, slowly peeling it off his face… mask?

Once you got it off, you revealed it to him, just to show him you had only taken it off for him.

“Thanks, my dear.”

He hummed with his usual wide grin, pulling out something from literally nowhere and reaching it out for you.

Opening his palm, you were met with a ticket, identical to the one you had received from the weird customer earlier, only now it was red instead of pink.

Smiling apologetically at him, you shook your head.

“No need. I already got one.”

That made him freeze, grin dulling as he gazed up at you.

“You do? May I see it?”

He didn’t even have to ask; you were already reaching into your pocket, pulling out the pink ticket, and extending your hand to show it to him.

As soon as his eyes settled on it, they widened, his posture turning tense in a matter of seconds, shoulders squared as he looked down at it with an unreadable expression.

You didn’t get time to ask if he was okay before he grasped the ticket from your palm, moving his hands, one holding it while the other moved before it.

In an instant the pink had turned red and you couldn’t help but be amazed by the small trick he had just performed for you, taking the red ticket once he extended it towards your direction.

“That was amazing!”

Your exclamation made him smile once again, gifting you a closed-eyed grin.

“But why?”

“That ticket was incorrect; you wouldn’t have been let in with it.”

That made you frown.

“So it was a fake?”

“Yes, my dear.”

Okay, now you were confused. Why would that customer have given you a false ticket? Was that the reason he had tried to get rid of it? Whatever the reason was, you’re glad Pierrot had informed you of it and given you a new one at that!

Pulling the ticket close as if it were a precious treasure, before pushing it down into your pocket, Pierrot’s smile widening as he watched, eyes narrowing.

That’s when you realized that you had been supposed to close the shop.

You had seriously almost forgotten about it.

Looking up towards the clock on the wall, you were surprised to see the time.

No way that it had already become this late…

“I don’t want to sound rude, but I have to close the shop now.”

You hurried behind the counter, already grabbing your bag, throwing it over your shoulder, and picking up the almost dried paper flower from the counter on your way past it.

“I understand.”

A reassuring hum left his mouth, already moving to follow you outside, the chair he had sat on neatly pushed back against the table.

Holding the door open, you let him make his way out first before following behind, closing it as you stepped onto the dark streets.

You fumbled with the keys you had taken out of your pocket in one hand, making sure at least three times that the door was properly locked.

Turning your head up at Pierrot, you gifted him yet another smile.

Muttering a quick goodbye and goodnight , which he returned by nodding his head, grinning down at you.

Waving your hand one last time you shifted on your heel, making your way back home, a weird feeling spreading in your chest every step you took further away from Pierrot.

Almost as if leaving something important behind.

Chapter Text

Yesterday had been, well, quite an eventful day, in the best way possible.

Ignoring the weird customer and the scam of a ticket you had received from him, and well, the lights turning off in the shop, which by the way, you still thought to be just a trick of the mind.

The only reason it really had turned out to be such a good day was probably due to Pierrot and the short conversation you two had shared.

Despite having had such a good day, your sleep hadn’t been much of a similar experience.

Not to say that you had slept badly, just not very comfortably.

Which you never really did, but this time it had felt weirder than usual; even now, walking down the sidewalk, you couldn’t forget the weird taste you had woken up with in your mouth.

A taste you, quite frankly, had never tasted before.

Even after you had brushed your teeth, it didn’t fully disappear, remaining in the back of your throat.

But you thought it to be not that big of a deal and just ignored it, like the other weird thing that happened this morning.

Your TV, you hadn’t turned it off before drifting to sleep last night. Now, maybe it was just your bad memory talking, but honestly, you were sure of the fact that you had kept it on.

It did weird you out, but you didn’t bother to question it much longer when you turned it back on and switched to the news channel.

Most of what they said had already been forgotten again; you could barely remember them talking about the circus and its rising popularity and another missing case.

You listened for at least 5 minutes when the time on your phone made you turn the TV back off and you had made your way out of your apartment.

Even with all those weird things happening, the only thought in your mind, proven to be worth your attention, was the lack of time to get to your workplace.

God forbid you tried to get some more sleep. Now you probably had to deal with a nice lecture from your boss.

Alone, the thought made you sigh out loud.

“Now isn’t that just a sad expression? I bet a visit to the circus will cheer you up~ Here, take a flyer!”

You halted in your steps when a green clown stopped before you, hand extended to you, a flyer in his palm.

The flyer had caught your attention first, as it had been shoved into your face rather rudely.

But you got disinterested in it quite quickly, craning your head back a little to look up at the guy before you, the green of his costume stinging your eyes.

You didn’t bother keeping your attention on him for long though, as you stepped around him to continue your way, muttering a quick, "I already got a ticket.”

Meaning to have ended this (you couldn’t even call it a conversation) as quickly as possible, in a hurry to get to work.

To your dismay, he followed behind, still grinning from ear to ear as he trailed along.

“Is that so? Was it a pink one then? ~” He hummed, making you furrow your brows and turn to him in mild confusion.

“It was red, actually.”

Now he was the one to furrow his brows, perplexed at your statement, blocking your path when he came to stop in front of you yet again.

“Red?”

The confusion in his tone matched the one on his face perfectly, making you scoff.

Honestly fed up with him already, this not being the first time he forced you to stop on your way to work, you ignored him easily and continued your way, pushing past him.

And yet again, instead of minding his business, he followed after you, his grin, if even possible, widening by just a little.

“So that Pierrot gave it to you, huh?”

He hummed as if he had just heard the most amusing of things.

You had hoped telling him you already had a ticket would make him back away, but instead it had apparently only made him more interested in you; sucks.

Still focused on ignoring him, he once again tried to gain your attention by stepping in front of you, and seriously, if he stopped you one more time, you might lose your shit.

“I don’t think I have introduced myself yet, have I? I’m the Harlequin, dear one~”

Harlequin. In an instant you had already lost all interest in him, not like you had much to begin with. You remembered the conversation you and Pierrot had last night, how his face had pulled into a grimace for just a moment when he had said the same name that was now introduced to you.

The green clown before you, though, paid no mind to your sudden souring mood, only smirking as he moved to pull out a green ticket, identical to the one Pierrot gave you, just… green.

“How about a trade? What do you say? Mine for his.”

As if to get you to take the ticket between his fingers, he kept gently waving it around, swaying it from one side to the other.

But you held no interest. None at all.

Honestly, you were just about to step past him again, ready to ignore him, just more profoundly this time.

Until Pierrot suddenly appeared, you couldn’t help but feel glad as soon as your eyes laid upon him, but he for once didn’t look happy; he looked annoyed, pissed even, as he stepped closer.

Once close enough, he didn’t hesitate to snatch the ticket out of the green clown's hand, glaring at him as if he had done an unspeakable crime.

Sheesh, they really weren’t on good terms then. That only made you want to keep even more distance from the beanstalk named Harlequin.

You took a step back instinctively, watching as Harlequin turned towards Pierrot, the grin upon his face never leaving, only growing bolder.

“Speak of the devil.”The green clown hummed with evident amusement, letting out a snicker as he watched Pierrot’s glare worsen.

“Too bad you don’t have a voice.” He taunted, putting a hand before his mouth, as if it could hide the grin that continued to pull at his lips. And well, Pierrot, he was obviously fuming.

“Can’t say all those nasty things you’re thinking right now, can you?” It did annoy you a bit, knowing he can’t talk in public, ultimately making it impossible for him to defend himself. And that’s exactly what made you step forward despite your earlier retreat which had been one step back, ready to help him.

But to your surprise, Pierrot caught on to what you were doing and quickly stepped in front of you instead, standing between you and Harlequin. Seems like he didn’t want to get you involved, and even though you did want to help, you also had to get to work.

So, swallowing down the irritation and frustration you felt in the face of the green clown, you took a step back again, for real this time, distancing yourself from them slowly.

While you moved to get away from them and head to work, you could only barely catch onto the taunts Harlequin continued to throw around himself and at Pierrot. “Wait till Jester hears about this~” You didn’t know who Jester was, but apparently it wasn’t a good thing that Harlequin planned on telling them; alone the way, Pierrot tensed up was proof it wasn’t a good thing.

You couldn’t stay any longer, though, and finally have distanced yourself far enough to make your way to work again, this time without a green beanstalk following you.

On the way you did contemplate going back and helping Pierrot, but you knew he didn’t want you getting involved, so you didn't; you respected his wishes after all.

Letting out a small sigh, you stepped through the shop door, alarming the bell over it as you made it just in time. Pulling the keys for the shop out, you planned on giving them back to your Boss, your eyes already trailing over the cafe, searching for him.

And well, you did spot him near the counter, just not alone. He was currently talking to the police and that did worry you a little, did someone break in? That couldn’t be the case; the shop looked fine. Did something happen to Carol? No way, right? Your boss spotted you and gestured over to the counter, a clear sign for you to put the keys down. And you did.

Placing your bag down, you couldn’t help but let multiple scenarios of what could have happened run through your head. All until your boss finally finished his lovely conversation with the cop and made his way over to you.

You turned to him in an instant, worried and yet eager to know what had happened and what could have caused a visit from the police.

“Did you have trouble closing the shop last night?”

He asked, making you think back for just a second before shaking your head, muttering a small: “Not that I can think of.”

Though your boss could seemingly see the worry still etched across your face, he let out a small sigh, arms crossed over his chest. “Carol didn’t come home last night; apparently she ran away.” He explained, voice sounding heavy.

That immediately worsened your worry, dread forming in your chest. Carol has gone missing? That couldn’t be… She did have trouble with her family, but she wasn’t one to just leave it all behind. It was unlike her.

Your Boss seemed just as concerned, but didn’t let it show too much. “She must have her reasons I’m sure. We are supposed to notify the police if she shows up.” Barely humming in reply, you watch as your Boss slowly made his way past the counter, his movements not even fully registering in your head as you continued to cloud yourself with worry.

Well, not until he spoke again and you snapped out of your thoughts, finding him in the doorway to the back of the shop. “I should start looking for a new employee, so I’ll be going back to doing interviews, I suppose. You can leave once your shift is over, I’ve got the store covered.” And with that, he disappeared into the back.

The bell chiming above the door was the first thing you heard as soon as your boss was fully gone. It caught your attention in an instant, making you turn around, already mentally preparing for a busy day at work.

Already putting on your best customer smile, you didn’t even notice how it shifted into a genuine one when you saw the person that had entered, Pierrot. Standing there in all his beauty, already making his way over to the counter before you could even react.

And once he stood practically in front of you, you couldn’t help keeping your eyes from softening. The sight of him enough to make you relax just a little, and well the knowledge he wasn’t hurt, or didn’t seem to be. Apparently the one sided argument you had walked away from earlier hadn’t ended too tragically. For him at least.

“Hey, Pierrot. Are you here to order something?” You hummed with a surprisingly gentle voice, watching him nod, grin still wide on his face, like pretty much always when he talks to you.

When he pointed up at something on the menu, you followed his direction immediately, looking up at where he was pointing at, letting out a surprised huff when reading it. “A milkshake? Isn’t it a bit too cold for that?” A small chuckle rumbled in your chest, spilling from your lips as soft laughter, Pierrot’s eyes sparkling at the sight and sound of it.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.” You hummed, still smiling at him brightly, watching him nod yet again, though more eagerly this time before he slowly backed away from the counter, leaving you to make the milkshake he wanted.

And you turned to get started right away, already grabbing for the stuff you needed, which did require you to turn around. You hadn’t even noticed your boss standing there beside you all of a sudden, giving you quite the startle. Wasn’t he supposed to be in the back taking care of interviews or something like that?

Whatever he wanted to do, you were certain he shouldn’t have any business here right now. “Did he buy anything?” He suddenly asked and you took a moment to process what he meant and realize who he was talking about. Immediately you reassured him, waving your hand as a sign for him not to worry. “Yes, he did; I was actually about to make it. There’s no need to worry.” “Good, I don’t want these guys around without them buying anything.”

Yeah, he had made that point clear enough. Having done what he came here for, he turned back around to leave and disappear into the room he came from just a minute ago. “Oh and also..” he stopped, turning his head back to you. “Remind them that I do not tolerate flyering inside.”

That was agreeable; after all, you were the one to clean it all up in the end, so you would prefer a no-flyer environment just as much as your boss.

With a small exhale you turned back, just to gain the second surprise of the day, making you flinch. Pierrot was right there, leaning over the counter, incredibly close to you, but apparently not close enough, because he gestured for you to step forward, which you did. No questions asked.

A small shudder made its way through you, settling deep in your bones when you felt the clown's hot breath fan across the skin on your neck. Your face flushed a deep shade of red, cheeks heating up, making you more nervous. “Is he… being mean to you, my dear?” You were done.

You could have melted into a puddle right then and there, the sound of his deep voice so close to your ear almost forcing a gasp past your lips, hadn’t you kept them pressed together firmly. You shouldn’t react this intensely to such a harmless interaction, yet you did, and you couldn’t help cursing yourself out for it.

Pulling yourself together as best as possible, you let out a small hum, shaking your head. “No. My Boss is actually quite nice, he’s not being mean to me… just giving me… advice.” You reassured as best as possible, reaching out to pat him on the shoulder, but deciding against it for some reason. Hand falling back to your side.

“Will you come tonight?” “To the circus? Yes, I will.” You wouldn’t miss it for a lifetime, you couldn’t wait to see Pierrot’s performance. What would he do? Dance? Magic tricks? Soon enough you’ll get your answer to that and you couldn’t wait any longer.

“That makes me happy…” he hummed against your ear, making you tense up yet again, heart leaping in your chest, right when you had begun to calm down a little. The way he said it made it obvious he was smiling, and genuinely at that.

Heck, it made you smile as well.

“Please promise me you’ll use my ticket.” This time his words weren’t accompanied by a specific undertone, but a touch, his touch. His hand finding its place on your shoulder, making you glance down for just a moment to see the claws on his gloves. You watched as they dug into your shoulder rather gently, making goosebumps travel across the skin beneath your sleeves.

Unable to take a closer look though as Pierrot pulled his hand away soon as he saw your lingering gaze, causing you to frown a little, following his movement as his hand moved up to his face. As if to distract you he made a silly face, which by the way, did succeed making you chuckle to yourself.

“Mommy look! A clown!” A kid suddenly yelled, pointing over at Pierrot, to which the mother replied by trying to explain that the circus wasn’t for kids his age. A small harmless banter forming between the relatives as they eventually made their ways past Pierrot, moving to leave the shop.

You couldn’t help but smile watching as the two left, before turning back to look at the clown before you.

Instead though you were met with a rather rude looking woman. Now, you weren’t the person to judge off of appearance, but she was most definitely not nice from the way she glared at you. You already groaned mentally.

“Hey, you lazy one! I’ve been waiting here for forever. Get me my order right this instant.” She spat her words at you with as much malice in them as she could; your customer smile twitching for just a second, already done dealing with her without even having started yet.

“You haven’t even told me your order yet, ma’am.” You replied as careful and calm as one could be in such a frustrating situation. Rolling her eyes, she let out a loud scoff, arms crossed over her chest. “Are all the people in this place this incompetent? I want an espresso. Can’t even do your job right…” She muttered that last part.

Deciding to ignore it for your own good, you turned back towards Pierrot, sliding his milkshake over the counter towards him, gifting him a quick smile. “Here you go.” He nodded in appreciation and took his drink, extending his other hand to place the payment and a chocolate bar into your palm.

The sight of the little treat made that genuine smile on your face appear once again to soften your features. “For me?” You asked just to confirm he truly meant it for you, but then again, why else would he offer it if not?

When he nodded, his grin widening when seeing your happy face, you yourself couldn’t help but let out a satisfied and appreciative hum. "Thanks..." you muttered, placing the chocolate bar into your pocket, watching as he nodded yet again, gifting you a soft wave of his hand.

As soon as he turned to leave, you couldn’t help but notice the nasty glare he gave the woman, which had been quite disrespectful to you. Maybe it was just mindless assumptions on your part for thinking he might be glaring at her because she was being mean to you, but then again, you could let yourself dream a little.

Turning to take care of the espresso the rude woman was waiting for, you can’t seem to stop thinking of Pierrot as your hands moved on instinct, doing everything as if you had done it a million times before, because you did. Up until now he had proven to be quite the nice guy; you would even go as far as to say that he was cute. He reminded you of a puppy a lot, bringing you little gifts; heck, you could swear you saw a tail wag behind him whenever he talked to you.

Well, it was safe to say you had gotten to like him quite a bit. Maybe even more than you had realized.

With the finished coffee in hand, you turned back to give it over to the woman, who didn’t waste time, snatching the cup from your hand and forcing the payment into your palm instead.

Talk about rude I guess.

But you just continued to force that customer smile to remain on your face, silently observing as the woman took a sip from the coffee, making a disgusted expression in a matter of seconds. “The coffee is just as bad as the service here. I’ll never come back to this stupid shop ever again!” Thank god.

You would definitely not want to deal with her ass again; 0/10 customer rating.

And so, you watched with satisfaction and relief as she stormed out of the shop, gripping her coffee to the point it was sure to spill.

Just when you thought that had been all the trouble for today and it couldn’t get any worse, a specific green beanstalk walked through the door and made himself comfortable on the opposite side of the counter, grinning at you. "Ah, so this is where you work at." Great. Apparently he found out where you worked.

You were not in a mood to see him, and even the forced smile you had been trying so hard to keep didn’t last as it finally cracked, revealing the displeased expression beneath. “Are you going to order?” It was all you asked, hoping he would say no so you could kick him out. “Why so grumpy? I’ll have an iced coffee. ”Why is life like this to you?

“Coming right up.” You grumbled under your breath, moving to get him his coffee as quick as possible to watch him leave as quick as possible. Well, he had different idea though. Leaning over the counter closer to you, which made you back away in an instant, brows furrowed together.

“Soooo…” He paused. “Are you finally going to accept my ticket?” “No.” You answered immediately, no need to think about it too hard or too long, cause you knew the answer. “But it would be so much more fun if you used mine~” Yet again you rejected the offer, rolling your eyes a little. “What makes it so exceptionally fun?” “That would be a surprise.” Yeah of course it would be.

With an obvious scowl and a low huff, you place the cup down onto the counter, sliding it over the wooden surface for Harlequin to take it and hopefully leave.

Yet again, your pleas were not heard as the green clown leaned closer, grasping your collar, which instinctively made you flinch back, only for him to keep you in place as he pinned something to your collar.

Glancing down to see what it was, you were rather surprised and a little bothered by what you saw. A green pin in the shape of a heart, there on display on your collar, and as if Harlequin couldn’t make it worse, he did, his breath fanning across your ear.

But the reaction you had when Pierrot did it was extremely different from now. Instead of getting this urge to sink into the floor, to melt on the spot, you felt unwell and extremely uncomfortable. And you made it clear by the small glare and furrowed brows directed at the green clown.

“I’m going to take you from him…” We’re the exact words he muttered, making an unpleasant shiver run down your spine, your whole body tensing up. “Excuse me…?" Speechless, that’s what you were, because no way he had said that just now. “You’ll see.”

“See you tonight, dear one. And don’t forget to watch my show!” And just like that, with coffee in hand and right after placing the payment down on the counter, he turned around and left, leaving the chime of the bell behind. The sound slowly but surely dimming.

Now if that hasn’t been the weirdest and kind of creepy interaction you've had, seriously, what was he on about?

But well, that thought could wait for another time, now you would focus on work. This time with no interruptions, hopefully.

Sure enough, your shift had finally ended, and you moved to take your bag, checking if you had everything and that you wouldn’t forget something in the haste of getting to the circus as fast as possible. That’s also when your boss arrived, letting an observant hum. “Your shift should be over right about now. You can leave; I’ll keep the shop open a while longer.”

In return you nodded, making sure he knew you were listening, just not really answering, finally turning around to look at the man after making sure everything you needed was in your bag.

That’s when you noticed the huge gash on his arm; it looked awfully like a cat scratch, just double the size, maybe even triple, definitely too big for a cat to have done it. You studied the wound for a moment, unsure what to make of it, and well, you weren’t really discreet about your stare, it seems.

“I got scratched by a really big cat in the back. You should have seen the size of that thing…” he muttered with a small sigh, making you frown. That was no cat and you knew it, what it actually was remained a mystery though for now. “Did you clean it already?” "Yeah, I did; it’s not as bad as it looks, don’t worry.” He reassured, but you still scowled.

“If it gets worse you should go to a doctor.” You advised, to which he replied with a simple nod, enough to calm your worries for now. “Now, you wanted to go to the circus didn’t you? Don’t worry about me and go have fun, do tell me how it was tomorrow.” “Yes. Be careful! Bye.” You muttered a quick goodbye, the man in return waving at you as you left the shop.

Stepping out onto the incredibly cold street, making you pull your arms tighter around yourself, listening to the silent noise of the city, the one or two cars passing once in a while, the flickering streetlights and the distant sound of music. And that’s exactly where you would be going, already letting your feet drag you along the streets and towards your goal.

Hands in your pockets, you grasped the ticket firmly, eager to see what awaited you.

Chapter Text

Overwhelmed was the best word to describe what you were feeling right now as you stood in line for the circus. People around you, standing and waiting, some even passing by with joyful laughter or spooked expressions.

Seems like the freak circus of horrors didn't quite joke about its title. This was only one of many people that had looked seriously creeped out as they exited the place of supposed entertainment and horror.

Now it didn't worry you much, but the nervousness was undeniable, intensifying the closer you got to the front.

The tents, which you had only seen from afar up until now, got closer and more imposing, the lights getting harsher on the eyes yet fitting the vibe of the place perfectly, and the music playing in the background got louder, ringing in your ears.

And no matter how overwhelmed you are, you could feel the excitement settling in your chest like a close-to-exploding firework.

Not necessarily for the circus in general, but for the specific clown you would be able to see perform, the one that had grown close to you in such an incredibly short time. The same one who always made you feel so at ease when others got uncomfortable and anxious around him.

Alone, the thought of him made your nervousness jump out the window, giving more place for your anticipation and eagerness.

But you soon enough snapped out of your little daydream about Pierrot and focused back on the situation at hand because you finally reached the front.

There stood a well dressed man in blue, one hand placed behind his back and the other extended towards you. Making a small motion with his hand, encouraging you to tighten your hold on the red ticket in your pocket.

"Hello, dear visitor, may I punch your ticket?" That voice—you didn't know where you had heard it before, but for some reason you felt a certain familiarity when hearing it.

Careful not to crinkle it too much, you took out the red ticket from your pocket, rather reluctantly holding it over for the man to do his job.

You watched as the Ticket Taker turned to gaze down at it, reaching out to punch it while doing so, but he stopped, hesitating for just a moment; you could see how he tensed up, how he froze.

Furrowing your brows at the sight, ready to ask if everything is okay, but the man had composed himself just when your lips parted to speak, punching the ticket as intended to and straightening his posture again.

“A special ticket, I see! Be sure to keep it safe, alright? You’ll need to show it at the attractions." As if he hadn’t just turned tense at the sight of it, now he seemed to be completely all right, which was one hell of a switch-up. Deciding to ignore it, you focused on the more interesting thing. “I didn’t know it was. What's so special about it?”

“Hm?” The man hummed, the sound once again making that familiarity settle in your chest. “You’ve got front row seats.” That’s it?

Now, you weren’t ungrateful; that’s still really amazing, taking into account you did get the ticket for free; that was one hell of a thing. But still, saying that it’s special made you expect just a little bit more.

Maybe his words are also the reason you now turned to glance around, and sure enough, you saw quite a few tickets, though all of them were gold, some even black, but no pink, green, or red like yours. So it really is special.

Why would Pierrot give you something so… exceptional? For a moment you couldn’t help but dream of the possibility that he did it because he liked you, because he saw something special in you. It probably wasn’t the reality of why he’d done it, but you could let yourself dream a little once in a while.

“Would you like to continue standing here or go inside?” Ticket Taker’s voice suddenly cut through your thoughts, making your attention turn back to him and the people behind you in line, waiting for their chance to get inside. “Ah. I apologize!” You muttered, giving him a quick bow with your head before stepping around him and inside.

You could feel his eyes bore into the back of your head as you walked further and further into the direction of the performance tents.

Well, that couldn’t have gone better.

Letting out a small breath, awfully similar to a sigh, you stopped eventually near one of the food stalls. Time to see what you’re dealing with.

From what you could see, the red tent in the middle was the biggest, probably belonging to Pierrot. Though the two pink jesters standing before the entrance are a clear sign that the show shouldn’t have started yet, to your dismay.

After all, the only reason you came here was for Pierrot, to see his performance, his tricks, or whatever he had hidden for show, but most importantly, you were here to see him. And him alone.

Now, you suppose you could take a look at the other tents, but none really stood out to you. Well, the green one was definitely not going to get a visit from you, that’s for sure.

But that decision quickly changed when you had been denied access to the pink tent and found out that the purple one was closed as the show had already ended. They’re really leaving you with no choices here, huh.

So with a loud sigh and a frown plastered on your face, you made your way over to the green tent, rather reluctantly stepping inside and finding a seat at the back. Yeah, you might have a special ticket with front row seats, but you’d rather not have a certain green clown spot you, so the back would be fine enough.

And here comes the boring part. Okay, no, you were lying. Harlequin’s performance was not boring at all, actually; it had been a story about monsters and their path to becoming human. It was interesting enough to keep you invested until the very end, a very well-thought-out story, to be honest. Though it was quite tragic.

If the story's goal had been to get sympathy from you for the monsters, it definitely worked.

When Harlequin announced the end of his performance, everyone already stood up ready to leave, if for good or just to see another performance, you didn’t really care. You just wanted to get to Pierrot.

That had been the plan until the talking beanstalk had decided to oh so kindly grace you with his presence, stepping over to you as if he had known you’d be at one of the seats in the back this whole time．

“Oh, I am so glad that you came to see my show… I had hoped you’d be watching.” There was that cocky tone of his again, a tone that irritated you even more than his presence alone already did.

Honestly, you didn’t really want to talk to him, but you suppose you could spare him at least one compliment; you had enjoyed the story after all. “Your story… it had been… interesting.” Yeah, that’s as far as your compliment would go.

“Isn’t it? It’s a pretty old story from the circus; you could call it tradition to tell it on certain nights.” He let out a low chuckle, though you didn’t miss the way his eyes narrowed, the corners crinkling in a way that told more about this.

Maybe he didn’t like the tradition? But why? Unnecessary questions that you need not have answered.

Because right then again you remembered one of the reasons why you disliked him, not because Pierrot apparently disliked him (that was one of the reasons) but because right then he stepped closer.

“Oh! I see you’re wearing my gift~ That makes me so excited!” What? Oh, that. You almost couldn’t stop yourself from rolling your eyes when you remembered the pin on your collar, you had forgotten to take it off.

Glancing down at your own collar, you barely had time to process what was happening when Harlequin stepped closer once more, too close.

If it had been Pierrot, you wouldn’t have minded, not a single bit; heck, you would’ve probably even liked it. But not when it was this clown, looking at you with those piercing green eyes of his, filled with weirdly predatory emotions.

“It looks..” he started, reaching one hand out to trace it along the edge of the heart shaped pin, your shoulders tensing in a matter of seconds at the contact. “…Good on you. Almost… too intimate.”

“Did you like it that much? Or are you just trying to tease me, hm?” That smug grin of his widened visibly when he took in your caught off guard expression, the way you were lost for words for a moment there. Not because he might actually be right, but because of the nerve this guy had.

Did he really think he was all that? Because you could assure he wasn’t.

And when he saw how irritated you actually looked, he couldn’t help but hold back a chuckle. Oh yeah, he just loved messing with you, didn’t he?

“I love that! Love seeing my mark so close to your skin, like a quiet forbidden kiss." Okay, now you were starting to get worried; this guy was beginning to creep you out, stepping forward with the clear intention to close the space between you. Forcing you into the circus tent’s cold wall.

“Now, now~ Don’t back away like that… are you scared? Or, no… maybe you’re secretly enjoying it?” Slowly he extended his arms to brace them around you, and well, instincts kicked in quite fast. Instantly you slipped away before he could even grasp you.

And the look in his eyes was nothing short of disappointment, just the slightest bit of amusement remaining. “Did you think I meant that? I was only performing, my dear~ No need to be so frightened.” Oh yeah, of course he was just performing. As if you believed that.

“Here, how about an apology?" Saying that, he pulled out a candy apple from God knows where, offering it up to you, which made you frown.

“A candy apple?” You asked with the most judgmental voice you ever heard from yourself.

“Yeah, we call it a ‘love apple' or 'maçã do amor,' but don’t get the wrong idea; it’s still just an apple. " Honestly, you weren’t even going to take it, no matter what the guy was spouting about ‘Love Apple’ and whatever other stuff about it.

Already preparing to dismiss him and tell him you didn’t want it, you were yet not expecting a small blade to zip through the air, burying itself straight into the sweet treat.

You jumped in surprise, eyes snapping to the apple in Harlequin’s hand before at the entrance of the tent, where you could just barely make out the silhouette of what seemed to be another person. A tall one, awfully similar to… Pierrot! Though just as fast as he had appeared, he left, making the forming smile on your lips fall into a disappointed pout.

“Always so dramatic…" you could make out from the green clown beside you, making your attention turn back to him rather reluctantly.

“Guess someone really hates apples.” You just raised your brow in question, staring at Harlequin before your gaze fell back down to the pierced apple, the knife still sticking out of it. But you couldn’t get a closer look when the green clown roughly snatched it away and tossed it aside, not paying it any more mind.

“Well, no need to worry about that now. I’m sure it was just a silly joke, my dear~” As if anyone would believe that. “Seems I owe you one now. I’ll have to give it to you another time.” “Keep it. I’ll leave now.” You replied dryly. “I do hope you’ll have more fun. Maybe we’ll see each other around~” hopefully not.

You didn’t bother replying, just nodding your head half-heartedly and moving to leave the green tent as quickly as possible, letting out a sigh as soon as the cold night air hit your face. Way nicer than the suffocating air that you had breathed in in that tent.

Once you had collected yourself a little, deciding to leave the weirdness Harlequin had caused behind, you began to make your way through the crowd of people, some leaving, others walking around curiously. Though you remained set on your one goal. The biggest tent in the center of the circus.

Excitement coursed through you with every step closer, walking past different food stalls and colorful tents, most of which the shows had ended in already.

Not that it mattered; after all, you were here for one show, and one show only. Though you did contemplate buying something to eat for a moment since you hadn’t had anything for lunch, and it was pretty much dinnertime already. Yet one look at the prices was enough for you to just suck it up and continue your way to the tent.

Surely you could find something else to eat at home later.

Once you had shown your ticket at the front of the red performance tent, you stepped inside with the privilege of front-row seats, and well, this time you did sit at the front, unlike earlier in Harlequin's tent.

People around you began to fill in the empty seats one after another, filling the former empty tent, turning it into a crowded place full of voices and noises. Which only silenced when the lights suddenly turned off, dipping everything into darkness, the spotlight appearing just a minute after, directed at the middle.

There Pierrot stood, and you couldn’t help but let your breath catch for a moment; he looked absolutely stunning. Painted in that blindingly warm spotlight, which shone so perfectly onto him. Your eyes widened, pupils dilating at the sight of him.

He made a small bow with his head for the audience who watched intently, waiting to see what he would do, but first, he let his eyes sweep over the people gathered here once. Stopping when they fell onto you.

Your heart caught in your chest, a warm sensation spreading through you when you saw his smile widen, eyes focused completely on you.

Then he shifted, his posture taking on a more menacing look to it, his grin, which had been so sweet, directed at you, turning sinister. Swaying from side to side, putting one foot before another in coordinated and perfectly practiced steps, which yet looked too natural. He swayed his hands, making sure the movement caught more of the audience’s attention.

The shadow on the ground moved along with his movements, yet entirely differently; it followed his steps yet took its own. It shifted in ways that no shadow should.

What you saw not only completely captivated but also amazed you, your eyes fixated on the scene that was created for the audience, for you. All that he does to please your eyes, to entertain people that want to be. Your chest kept growing warmer, a fuzzy feeling that made your fingers twitch to reach out and clutch at your heart.

The lights shifted, announcing a new scene.

Standing there was Pierrot, beside a stage assistant tied to a board. From your seat you could see her disheveled hair, the mask hanging a bit loose on her face. Her whole body looked strained from the way she was tied up.

But all the attention remained on the menacing clown in red, knives tugged in his hands, gleaming under the spotlight. Wherever he got those from all of a sudden was unbeknownst to you; it didn’t matter much, though. Instead, you focused on the way he turned to the woman after giving his audience another bow.

Raising his hand, making a precise and swift movement, causing one of the knives to fly right at the woman. Missing her by just a breath as the blade hit the board beside her head. You flinched when a second one followed, this time even closer, barely gracing the assistant's arm. You remained captivated by the scene, no matter how much it set you on edge.

The crowd, meanwhile, went wild, the third hit of the knife against the board causing them to laugh, yelling out for Pierrot to hit the woman. The fourth knife dangerously close to doing so yet again, you could have sworn to saw a small sliver of blood which began to flow from a cut on the assistants arm.

That wasn’t enough for the people; their yells grew violent, louder, demanding for Pierrot to hit her.

He held up the last knife, watching as the crowd went crazy, telling him to do it. And with that unnerving smile, he turned back to the fool. Blade five hit her straight in the head.

Now everyone fell silent, but for just a moment before they began to yell once again, laughter and claps filling the tent, sick applause drowning around you as you focused on the woman who hung from the board unmoving.

Her mask had split, and now with nothing holding it in place much more, one of the pieces fell to the ground, gifting you a look at the face beneath.

You didn’t know if you could call yourself lucky, sitting so close to her, to the point that you could make out her face almost completely perfectly. Blood was dirtying her features, but it was undeniable; it was the rude woman from the shop.

Her eyes were directed nowhere, incredibly lifeless and empty.

Your heart skipped a beat. Fear settling into your bones, your breathing uneven with how… excited you felt. Excited? You aren’t supposed to feel that way; you’re scared, right? Right? The heart in your chest was racing for all the wrong reasons. Not because you were afraid or terrified of what you saw, fake or not, it was racing because you were absolutely elated by what you had witnessed.

Raising your hand to your own face, you held it over your mouth, trying to hide the wry smile that had forced itself onto your lips. Your fingers were shaking and trembling; your eyes were unable to be torn away from the sight. Your gaze set on the scene too intensely.

As the audience began to step out of the tent one after another, all hurrying to either get home or to try and get to another performance, though you were sure most or all must have ended by now. Which didn’t bother you; you had done what you came here for, and yet, you couldn’t get yourself to pull away from this scene.

All your attention was fixated on it until you saw Pierrot step over to where you remained seated, his steps carrying him to you in a hurried and excited way. Seeing him approach, you bit down onto your bottom lip, forcing down the mocking grin, which you struggled to get fully rid of.

When Pierrot finally reached you, he stopped, giving you that usual sweet grin you had come to love, not the sinister one he had during his performance. And once again you could have sworn to see a tail wagging behind him. How adorable.

But his grin turned dull once his eyes settled down on your collar, making you follow the direction of his gaze almost instantly.

Before you could react, he had already reached out and grasped your collar, leaning over the railing that separated the seats and the stage to do so. He looked down at the green pin attached to your uniform with wide eyes, devastation reflecting in them, anger and fear mixing. Like he saw something that shouldn’t be there. Something that could take you from him.

Out of nowhere he pulled out a star pin, and immediately you decided you liked it more than the green heart already. He moved to place it right over the green one, as if staking a claim above the other.

Still, apparently that wasn’t enough to calm him; he continued to stare at it for a good while, up until you reached your hands up, using them to take Pierrot’s own. He tensed at the contact and looked back at you in an instant, pupils dilating and the grin on his face widening yet again, making your stomach do a damn backflip. Hell…

You watched silently as he gazed down at your hands, which held his own so gently, as if he hadn’t just thrown knives with them with such precision, as if he hadn’t killed a woman with them, show or not, act or reality. Deep down though, you knew it wasn’t fake, not when the metallic stench carried all the way over to you, not when the assistant continued to remain completely still even after the show ended.

And you knew you should be terrified, completely petrified, to run away with fear, but you weren’t bothered by it at all. You remained undisturbed. Which was probably more disturbing.

Instead of wanting to run, you wanted to stay, to remain close to Pierrot; that’s why you remained silent, fearing ending the delusion of your excitement, because what if it really was just you being delusional? What if the excitement and elation would disappear? If it was just a lasting effect of the performance that had kept you so invested?

“Did you enjoy my show?” He finally spoke, snapping you back to reality and to him. You took a glance at the unmoving fool, seeing if the excitement you felt earlier still remained. And sure enough it did. Once again you had to force back that wry, mocking smile.

“I absolutely loved it.” You weren’t lying. Knowing that you enjoyed it and seeing that you actually meant it, the look in your eyes was enough to confirm it, and Pierrot directly seemed ten times happier. He gave your hands a soft squeeze. “I’m glad you did.”

You let out a soft chuckle, giving him a genuinely sweet smile. “How about you stay a little longer and let me show you around the circus, my dear?” The word ‘yes’ wanted to roll off your tongue so badly, this urge to mutter a single word hitting you harder than ever before. But you knew it was too late and you still had work tomorrow.

Giving him an apologetic smile, you squeezed his larger hands gently. “I would love to, but I have work tomorrow and should head home.” The saddened expression on his face made your heart ache a little, but he just nodded. “Then shall I escort you, my dear? So I can ensure you reach the exit safely.” “Of course you can.” You nodded along happily.

Your words made him just as happy apparently as he quickly pulled you off of your chair with a tug on your hand, causing you to stumble just a little as you got on your feet.

He was sure to hold one arm ready in case you would fall, which you luckily didn’t.

With your hand in his, he tugged you along to the exit of the tent. You made sure to grab your bag with your free hand, strapping it over your shoulder as you got pulled along.

You both stepped along the railing all the way to the end of the tent where nothing separated you any longer.

Still keeping that wide smile, he didn’t hesitate to step through the exit with you, giving you just a second to take one last look behind yourself where the unmoving fool remained. You just let out a soft hum, almost satisfied as you followed along behind Pierrot.

“Will you come to see me again tomorrow?” He asked on the way to the entrance of the circus, his hand tightening its hold around your own as if he were hoping it’d make you say yes. “I’m sure I can after work.” After all, you wanted to come back just as much as he wanted you to. You didn’t even want to leave, and maybe that was a problem.

As if delighted by your reply, he gave your hand another squeeze, intertwining your fingers with his own clawed ones, making you gaze down at your intertwined digits silently. Yet when he turned to look at you with dilated pupils, the shapes of hearts, and that elated grin on his face, you yourself couldn’t help but turn your attention back up at him.

“I shall look forward to it, my dear.” Reaching the entrance, he reluctantly let go of your hand, deciding to let you leave for the night. With a smile you waved at him. “See you tomorrow, Pierrot.” He nodded along, returning the wave. “Yes, until tomorrow, my dearest.”

And so he watched you disappear into the night.

You reached home fairly quick, and despite your earlier statement of eating something once you got back, all your hunger was gone. The excitement from the performance and its outcome remained, but it had stilled, taken on a calmer form.

The scene remained stuck in your head. Did Pierrot do it for you? Alone the thought of it spiked your adrenaline, making your heart race at the imagination.

Your head was caught in those reveries as you moved to get ready for the sweet embrace of your bed, and once you sunk into the mattress, you couldn’t help but let out a long sigh. Despite the worry of not being able to sleep tonight, in the end you fell asleep with no problem at all.

Unaware of the visit you would receive during your slumber.

Chapter Text

Another day at work.

Today would have been your day off, but your boss had postponed it thanks to the lack of personnel. With Carol missing, no one would be able to step in on your day off, so you have to work like every day. It kind of sucked, but there wasn't anything you could do about it.

It went like any other day: a bunch of customers, some rude, most nice. Though your thoughts remained occupied by last night, Pierrot's performance had been engraved in your mind; you wish to see it again. To be once again astonished and captivated by his performance, by him.

Thinking about him, you instinctively reached up to trace the metal pin, the shape of a star, on your collar. You traced the cool surface with your fingertip, the feel of it grounding you.

You had taken off the green one, though. The way Pierrot had reacted when he saw it was enough reason already, but you also just didn't like it.

The way Harlequin had been talking about it, like it was a claim, a kiss. It had made you really uncomfortable, and quite frankly, if that's what the pin really meant, then you'd rather have Pierrots.

That thought surprised you a little yourself. It had barely been three days since you met him, but you already felt like you knew him way longer, like he was someone you wanted to stay close to, someone meant for you. Every time he made you feel so safe, he brought you little gifts and always spoke so kindly to you.

It was obvious that something was wrong with him and with the circus. That woman, the one he killed for the show—maybe it wasn't an act at all. In the back of your mind you knew it, knew that it wasn't just an act, and knew he probably really killed her. Were you going to ignore it? Yes. Why? You didn't know...

Maybe you should have run; maybe you should have panicked. You didn't though; you stayed and watched with excitement, with a twisted feeling of satisfaction and the delusional hope in your chest that he had done it for you.

Just thinking about it made your heart go crazy again, racing with that same weird feeling you got when you thought of him.

And being near him was somehow worse yet better at the same time; you felt so safe whenever he was near, but your body kept burning, a fuzzy feeling spreading in your stomach, making you want to throw up. It felt like a tickle, a quite unpleasant one, and every time you even as much as touched his hand, it just intensified until it exploded into a mess of fireworks.

It wouldn’t be a lie to say that he had absolutely captivated you, if for better or worse that was up to you.

Halting your thoughts once the bell chimes and a new customer enters, you turn to greet them, already taking their order and mentally deciding for yourself that you should focus on work for now. Even then, you couldn’t really stop the persistent presence of Pierrot in the back of your mind.

———— - -

Just like promised, you went back to the circus after your shift, once again finding yourself in front of the many blinding lights and towering tents. The Ticket Taker at the front had merely given you a brow-raised glance before you had walked past, tugging the ticket back into your pocket. Not paying any mind to his following gaze.

This place still felt as overwhelmingly exciting as before, even more so knowing that a specific someone was waiting for you. You could barely stay still on your feet, skipping over to the red tent, the biggest one of them all.

On your way you had made the unfortunate encounter with Harlequin though; he had spotted you fast, even when drowning between people. You rolled your eyes when he fell into step beside you. “Don’t you have a show to get to?”

“My, my~ So feisty.” The clown beside you cooed, shoulders shaking with a chuckle he didn’t even try to hide. His footsteps fell into sync with yours as he followed behind you. “I fear I must disappoint you, my dearest. My show has already ended and you missed it.” Oh yeah, how unfortunate for you.

He knew you couldn’t care less; the way your eyes remained set on the red tent was enough to confirm so. Even if he was the one talking about disappointing you, he was the one who actually looked disappointed.

Finally, his eyes trailed down to look at your collar, eager to find his green mark on you, but by the way his face fell for just a moment, it was clear he had been met with yet another letdown. The green pin he had given you was nowhere in sight; only the star that obviously belonged to Pierrot remained on your collar.

“I see you’re not wearing my gift. That makes me really sad, you know?” But who could believe such words if he said them with that grin on his face? Truly he was dissatisfied by the sight, but would he show it? No. He wasn’t the type to do so.

“Green is not my color.” You blatantly replied with a shrug of your shoulders, and while it wasn’t the full truth, you did prefer the gold of Pierrot’s pin over such a toxic green like Harlequin wore. “I don’t think so. It suits you more than that boring star~”

Let him believe what he wanted.

His company had made the walk to the red tent feel even longer; the pushing of the people in the crowd was enough of a setback already, slowing you down on the way to your goal. But with that talking beanstalk beside you, it only took more time.

But at last you had made it; just one more step and you could go inside. Harlequin had other plans, though, one of his hands finding a place on your shoulder, giving you a soft squeeze that made you tense up. You stood still as his hand moved from your shoulder to your jaw, sliding over your throat slowly.

It didn’t make it any better when you felt his hot breath against your ear just a second after, his face practically resting against the side of yours. He was about to say something when suddenly he was grabbed roughly and pulled away from you.

With surprise, you looked up to see who had helped you, all your worries disappearing once you saw the clown in red, standing in front of you like a protective wall. Wasn’t he supposed to be in the tent? Get ready for his performance?

Did it really matter, though? He had just helped you; that’s the point.

“Seems your dog has found us. What a pity, and just when things had started to get exciting.” His words were obviously getting to Pierrot, just the way his hands clenched into fists enough to confirm that. Instinctively you reached out, taking his hand into your own, watching how he relaxed in an instant, turning to look down at you with his wide eyes.

You gifted him a reassuring smile as you stepped beside him, giving his hand a quick comforting squeeze before you looked at Harlequin. “Leave him out of your mouth.” You defended Pierrot, who was standing beside you and watching silently, his heart racing like crazy and pupils dilating at the sight of you standing up for him. "Go."

The green clown's grin dulled, his eyes twitching and narrowing. He looked like he was trying to keep it together, and honestly, he was. With a murmured scoff, he turned to leave, glancing over at you just once more; this wasn’t over, was what he meant, before he stomped away.

The whole time you kept your eyes on his disappearing silhouette, only shifting back to Pierrot when you had confirmed he was fully out of sight and gone.

You flinched when you saw Pierrot leaning down, so close to your face; you should get used to this probably. “Are you okay?” All you got as a reply was a nod of his head, the bells on his hat jingling at the motion. You had almost forgotten he can’t talk in public, at least not with this many people around.

“I’m glad.” Is all you said, your lips curling up at the corners, your hand still curled in Pierrot’s own. Not that you minded; you definitely didn't. In fact, you enjoyed it more than anything. Loved being this close to him.

“Shouldn’t you be preparing for your show? If I’m not wrong, it should start in just a few minutes.” Once again he nodded, this time though he tugged at your hand gently, gesturing for you to get closer, and you did just that. Soon as you did, he leaned down against your ear. “Did you come to watch me, my dear?” He whispered, causing you to beam a smile. “Yes, of course. I promised you, didn’t I?” Yes, you did.

Seeing his grin widen, you knew he was happy that you actually kept your promise and showed up to watch his show, to watch him perform. Nothing made him happier than knowing that you willingly came back here, to him.

Eagerly he pulled you along, with his free hand holding the tent flap open while he guided you to step inside with the other hand, which remained entangled with your own. With great reluctance you let go of him, your hand sliding off his palm. His eyes gleamed as they trailed after you, watching you walk inside, already searching for a seat at the front.

You glanced back at the entrance of the tent, only to see Pierrot gone; no wonder, he had to perform now after all. Still, it did interest you in where exactly he disappeared to, to start the show.

Just then the lights flickered out, and the whole tent was dipped into an all too familiar darkness, only later illuminated by a single spotlight directed at the middle where Pierrot stood. You could already feel the anticipation building in you.

Even as you knew what would await you as a performance, you couldn’t shake off the thrill that spread in your chest as the show started.

Just like yesterday, Pierrot had danced, his movements capturing you yet again, keeping you in a trance as you watched. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him. Whatever he did, no matter in what way he moved, he looked astonishing. Absolutely breathtaking.

When it came to the part where an assistant was raised yet again, you were rather confused and disappointed when you saw how Pierrot hadn’t hit the person. Unlike yesterday, at the end of the show the fool had been unharmed except for a grace on his arm.

It only fed your delusions that Pierrot had killed that woman for you, and you alone.

No matter the ending of the performance, it had just been as amazing as the first time you saw it.

And just like yesterday, you had stayed in your seat while the other guests began to leave, slowly exiting the tent one after another. Once again it was only you and Pierrot who stayed behind, the clown already moving towards you, stopping in front of your seat.

Without hesitation, he reached out and enveloped your hands into his own larger ones, smiling widely at you. In an instant, you returned it. "Did you enjoy it?" He asked, desperate to know what you thought, if you had changed your mind since yesterday, if maybe you decided it wasn't as good as you initially thought.

"I did. You looked amazing." You openly admitted, watching as his grin widened, his pupils dilating like they usually did when he gazed at you. "You don't know how happy I am to hear that, my dear."

No, you do know; anyone with eyes would be able to see how over the moon he was to know that you had come to see him and enjoyed it. You squeezed his hands, subconsciously pulling him closer.

You loved having him this close, in your reach. It delighted you to know that he didn’t seem to mind either; in fact, he was already swooning over the fact that you had initiated the pull. Had closed the distance first, if even just a little bit.

Silently you both remained like this for just a while as the thoughts began to swirl in your head again, and you couldn’t help but ask. “Yesterday during the performance… was the end a part of the act?” You didn’t want him to realize that you surely did know it was probably real and that he had killed that woman.

Who knew, maybe he didn’t want you to know. Just the way his expression dulled for a moment was enough to tell that he in fact did not want you to. Or maybe it wasn’t that he didn’t want you to know; he didn’t want you to be afraid of the reality of it.

But unbeknownst to him, you already knew of it, of the gruesome truth of last night's performance. Even if a part of your mind kept telling you not to be too sure of it yet, you were. And that small twisted part of yourself that you had never known existed actually relished in it. You loved to think he’d done it for you.

“Of course it was.” Those were not the words he had meant to say, but the only ones that felt right in this moment as he tried not to scare you off. Would it matter? That’s the question he would love answered. But he had to play it safe.

“I’m… glad to hear that.” You muttered, feeling a little bitter at his obvious lie. Did he not trust you? Or was he so foolishly desperate to try and protect you from the reality of it all? It was sweet of him, sure, but you didn’t need him to cover it up with smiles and lies.

Did he think you would leave him if you found out? Honestly, how could you even do that if he was so perfect? Leaving him pained you just thinking about it. If you could, you would spend every moment with him.

These thoughts were surely another piece of evidence of the disturbing thing growing inside you.

“My dear? Would you like me to show you around the circus today?” He asked out of nowhere, lifting the curtain of tension that had formed around you and gnawed at you as soon as you had gotten lost in thoughts. “I would love to.” You replied with a wide smile and bright chuckle as you watched him perk up.

These puppy-like traits were really getting to you.

With your hand in Pierrot’s larger one, fitting perfectly together, you both exited the tent, and the clown already pulled you after him. Though all you focused on was the warmth of his palm in yours, the closeness to him and how desperately you would have loved to lean in further.

It felt right in a way, like this was how it was meant to be, you and him.

If only you knew how much he was fighting to hold back as well, maybe even more than you.

But this desperation to get closer remained a secret for yourselves, one you weren’t yet ready to share with each other, out of fear the person would be scared off or the worry that the feeling wasn’t mutual.

Hand in hand, occasionally drifting closer to one another, you both walked past tents and food stalls, Pierrot giving you swift explanations of the different tents and other performers when no one was looking.

You actually got quite the good amount of information. In conclusion, there were five performers, and the rest of the group consisted of, well, the Jesters and Harlequins. Harlequin, whom you had met, was one of the performers, the other three being Ticket Taker (yes, the same one to check your ticket), Doctor, and Jester. Particular names, but they were fitting for a place like this.

What else did you find out? Well, Pierrot looked incredibly handsome up close; whenever he leaned down to whisper in your ear, you would stare at him, almost shamelessly so. His voice, also, despite being deep, was incredibly soft around you. His eyes captivated you, and the way his hair shone in the circus light was absolutely stunning and—

Okay, that was not the information you had gotten. What you were actually trying to say is that Pierrot had also informed you of the food stalls and how they could sometimes be dangerous.

You think you heard that somewhere before, but you couldn’t really put your finger on it.

Anyways, you made a mental note to yourself not to buy anything from the stalls, not like you planned to do so in the first place; the prices were disgustingly high. Immediately made your appetite disappear.

Conclusion of the night: you loved being around Pierrot; you adored it. Spending time with him had been the best choice you could have made. This day was a total success!

But alas, even the best of days has to come to an end, and so you had to inform Pierrot of your need to go home. “Hey Pierrot? I really love walking around and talking with you, but I have to go; it’s really late already.” You muttered with an apologetic smile, your own words hurting you more than you imagined they did him.

As if just now noticing how much time had passed, he looked down at you with wide eyes before they turned a little sadder. “I understand, my dear. I enjoyed our talk just as much.” He hummed, gifting you a reassuring smile despite how disappointed he looked.

“Will you..." he began but didn’t even finish as you already nodded. “I’ll come back tomorrow; no need to even ask.” And once again, there he returned to being that excited puppy. Seeing him so happy made you happy as well; honestly, if you could, you’d keep him like this forever. All perfect and content.

“That makes me so happy. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow, my dear.” Just when he had concluded his sentence, you both had reached the exit of the circus, stopping just short of exiting it. You squeezed his hand, and he returned the gesture by tightening his hold on you. It was clear he didn’t want you to leave and you didn’t want to either.

“Then, we’ll see each other again tomorrow, yes?” He asked, almost nervously, as if afraid you might actually not come back. “Of course we will.” You reassured, insisted even, that you will see each other again; you have to. One day without him might be a day too much.

Even after a minute of silence, you both remained reluctant to let go. While he wrestled with the thought of keeping you here, you fought with yourself for a completely different worry. You wanted to hug him but didn’t know if it would be alright. Unsure, you glanced down at your hand in his joined together; he wouldn’t mind, right?

“Pierrot?” “Yes, my dear?” He perked up immediately. “Can I hug you?” He stopped, eyes widening and pupils dilating as he processed the question. You actually wanted to hug him! “I would love nothing more than that.”

With an almost relieved sigh at the revelation that he didn’t oppose the idea, you instantly stepped forward and wrapped your arms around him, your head resting against his chest comfortably. It took him a while, but he finally returned it, wrapping his arms around you firmly, as if you were the only thing worth holding onto in this moment.

You let his scent envelope you, his warmth seep into your bones, and his face bury into your hair, like he was trying to memorize it all. And maybe you were too.

Right here is where you belonged; you knew it the moment the hug happened. He knew it from the beginning.

He would have loved nothing more than to scoop you up and never let you go again; oh, how desperately he wanted to, but he had to keep himself together for you. Though you weren’t much better, you were already thinking of the best ways you could keep him like this. You wanted to curl into his embrace, to be fully enveloped by him, all of him. Let it consume your lungs; it didn’t matter as long as at the end of it all, he would be yours.

You returned home numb, cold, and with an ache for him in your chest. The thing inside you is slowly consuming your very being, your mind. This twisted obsession had started with him and now it was swiftly taking you over, and you knew you couldn’t stop it from getting worse.

Chapter Text

Just a few days ago, barely even a week, you had met him after you just tried to help someone, and now, look at you. Thinking about him like he was the cure to every problem in your life, acting like you couldn’t go a day without him, because you couldn’t. Definitely couldn’t imagine it anyway.

Your thoughts were filled with the image of Pierrot, drifting to his wide smile, which always stretched just a tad bit too wide, a tad bit too inhuman. The shining silver of his hair—how it always framed his face perfectly. His eyes, which you kept daydreaming about, getting lost in them over and over again.

Captivated by the sight of him, struck by the sheer perfection he radiated, you couldn’t deny it. This clown might have just stolen your heart. 

No, he didn’t just steal it; he consumed it, digging into it with his claws so as to never get shaken off again, so as to never have to let go again. Like an anchor, he was buried into it, making sure there was only him and him alone in that intimate space.

He was the reason that organ deep in your chest would jump in joy when he was near, race when he got close, and then thump with unwavering excitement and warmth when his touch found you.

More than once did you imagine returning it, reaching out for him, to trace his features with the tips of your fingers. You wished to voice how you felt, to explain to him this aching in your chest whenever he wasn’t near and that urge to hold his hand and keep him close. It wasn’t sweet and wasn’t even trying to be.

He had opened a hole in your chest, an empty spot in the shape of him. And only when he was beside you did the itching sensation of pure need calm and settle. 

Work felt longer, unbearably so; all you could focus on was to get the day over with as fast as possible, to see him, to maybe once again be enveloped in his warmth, which had kept haunting you since last night.

Too many times had you tried to recreate the feeling his embrace had given you, wrapping your arms around yourself in the form of a cheap copy that didn’t fulfill its purpose at all. It didn’t feel the same because it wasn’t him.

You could only hope that maybe he enjoyed it as much as you did; if so, then maybe he’d be open to doing it again. Yeah, it was just a hug; you were probably acting way too damn needy right now for no reason. But could you blame yourself? The answer is no.

If there is anyone to blame, it would be Pierrot, for he was the one that had suddenly turned your whole world upside down despite the short amount of time you had spent with him.

What made it even worse was the fact that it had begun to affect you already; even now at work you couldn’t focus one bit, having wiped the table a fifth time already despite its shining surface, a clear testament to how clean it was. Not to forget that you had forgotten at least three whole orders today, something that had never happened to you before.

It got so bad that your boss had to tell you to leave early. The embarrassment and guilt were definitely there; you didn’t mean to mess up so badly; it was just that constant presence of Pierrot in the back of your head that kept throwing you off.

„I’m not mad or anything; I just can’t have you daydreaming during work all day.“ He had said with that tough but reassuring tone of his, meant to make clear that he was really not mad, just a little disappointed if anything.

You still apologized at least a dozen more times before he had kicked you out of the café and told you to get your head straight.

And so you wandered down the street, people around you going about their normal day, doing whatever. It wasn’t necessarily busy today, but still a good number of people were out, pushing past others.

The ones who really stood out were the Jesters and Harlequins dressed in bright pink outfits, handing out flyers to passerby in hopes more people would come to their circus. Maybe you should go too, right now. You wanted to see Pierrot again. 

Just the thought of seeing him again made you all giddy and excited, eager to now get to the circus and see him. Who knows? Maybe seeing him will finally calm those nagging thoughts in your head, which kept bothering you to the point you failed at tasks that were supposed to be easy for you to do.

With a grin, you began to head into the direction of the circus, which shouldn’t be open around this time; still, you were positive to be able to find him around the circus for sure. But what did you know? The only times you ever saw him were when he would visit you at the shop to get himself a milkshake, only staying a short amount of time. Other than that, you always saw him when you went to the circus, which you had done… two times now? Yeah, that sounds right.

But still, for some reason, you had this certainty that you would find him.

And you did it earlier than you expected.

There he was, handing out, or at least trying to, flyers just like the pink-dressed clowns around you. With that wide grin of his, he waved around a piece of paper in his hand, trying to get people's attention. You didn’t like it; he shouldn’t advertise the circus after what happened last time. What if it will happen again? You did not want that; he didn’t deserve it.

…

Maybe you jinxed it.

Because there, as you approached, you saw a man, already walking towards Pierrot with heavy steps and an infuriated expression, raising his hand, ready to hit the clown, probably with enough force to strike him down. You wouldn’t let that happen, not over your dead body.

In an instant you surged forward, your steps having picked up speed in an instant as you hurried to get between the man and Pierrot, who turned around once he had noticed the man's presence. „What do you think you’re doing?!“ You exclaimed with anger, the man's wrist caught firm in your grasp; you had stopped him just in time. „I should be asking you that!“ The man shouted.

He tugged and pulled for his arm to get free from your grip, but you only tightened it, painfully so, watching him squirm and struggle against your hold.

„You can’t just charge at someone like that, sir.“ „Well, someone has to do something against those monsters!“ You froze, tension coiling in your shoulders, unexplainable anger making your vision go red at the corners; no way he had just called your sweet Pierrot that. "Can't you see? They’re responsible for all of this! Those monsters—that pink tent they have, it’s where they keep those missing people!“ So either this man was delusional, making up random bullshit in hopes someone does something against the circus, or he knows more than he should.

And a glace behind you to where Pierrot stood was enough to know which one was the more likely case of the two. You could see the tension in Pierrot’s frame even from a distance, how he stood there with wide eyes, set on the man like he had just revealed the worst of horrors.

In your moment of distraction you didn’t notice as the man you kept in place suddenly raised his other hand, pulling it far back before charging it in your direction. You realized way too late, turning your head just when his fist was about to collide with your face. You closed your eyes out of reflex, bracing yourself for the punch to arrive, letting go to raise your arms protectively before you. But nothing happened.

When it remained quiet even after a few seconds, you opened your eyes again to see what had happened.

A mewl left the man, a sound caused by Pierrot’s hand, which was twisting his wrist to a painful degree, close to breaking it even. Only when a sickening crack was heard did Pierrot let go, watching as the man bit down on his lip, holding back a painful scream, his probably broken or fractured wrist pulled against his chest.

"YOU PIECE OF SH…“ he began, voice filled with rage. Only the gathering crowd around them made him shut up in an instant, his eyes trailing around before he let out a frustrated growl. „You might protect them now, but just wait till you find out what they really are!“ Waving his healthy hand around, he pointed straight at Pierrot with undeniable accusation. „I’d advise you lower that finger.“ Lest you want to lose it.

But those words haven’t gotten to be spoken; the man got the hint fairly quickly and backed off, casting another glare at you. „Just. You. Wait.“ 

Remaining unimpressed, you watched as he left, pushing through the crowd, making the people around back off, some already going back to their everyday lives.

The sound of something falling to the ground caught your attention, making you turn around to your red friend to see what had happened. You didn’t really get the chance to see what had made that sound though, when you suddenly felt the pressure of two hands against either side of your face, cupping it gently. Pierrot looked at you with worry in his eyes, trailing over you, searching for any harm that might have gotten to you. 

His eyes were wide, looking to find even the smallest of scratches, even the tiniest excuse to go after that man and make him pay for having ever raised a hand against you. Slowly he calmed when he noticed no harm had befallen you, his breath evening out a little, yet his hands continued to tremble even just the slightest bit. He watched as you raised your own hands, placing them on top of his own against the sides of your face, letting his touch ground you. „I’m fine, Pierrot.“ You reassured, smiling up at him.

And even as the worry remained on his face, something else had crept up to replace it. With a gentle expression, one he only ever showed you, he leaned forward. His hands moving from your face to wrap around you, his arms locking you in a firm and secure embrace, meant to protect and keep you safe. 

You didn’t hesitate to return it, wrapping your arms around him the best you could. Pierrot took it as permission to bury his face into the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent and letting it wash over him like a comforting caress.

„I’m so glad you didn’t get harmed, my dear.“ He spoke, every single one of his words emitting relief. "You had intervened to help me but almost got hurt in the process. I can’t let that happen, ever. I don’t know what I would do if it did.“ He'd kill the person responsible for it.

"It's alright, Pierrot; I'm fine. There’s no need to worry; I'm just relieved that you are okay.“ „No! It’s not alright; you almost got hurt because of me…“ His hold tightened, his larger frame trembling against your own. "If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s that man's; he shouldn’t have charged at you like that in the first place." Just the thought of someone meaning to harm Pierrot infuriated you, anger boiling in your veins, but you kept it in.

You had to remain calm.

It was only after a few minutes that you both pulled from the hug. Neither of you wanted to leave or for it to end, but you couldn’t just stand on the sidewalk in each other's embraces for the rest of the day… sadly. 

Though even as you both stepped apart, you remained incredibly close, unable to fully tear away from each other.

That’s when you finally noticed the source of the sound that had made you turn to him, the flyers, strewn across the floor. Pierrot must have lost hold of them when he had hurried to check on you; you felt somewhat guilty but more satisfied than anything. It showed how much you meant to him and how much he cared, to the point that he had quite literally dropped everything.

You followed along as he moved to kneel down, already beginning to pick up the papers, reaching for one after another. It wasn’t long before you both had all of them collected and tucked in your arms. "This is giving me a sense of déjà vu, isn’t it?“ You hummed with a sweet grin, gaze shifting up towards Pierrot, who was already looking at you. His own wide smile returning with the motion of a nod. "Just like when I first helped you. Remember?“ You talked as if it had been weeks, months, maybe even years ago, when truly it had just been a few days since you two first met. "I couldn’t ever forget, my dear.“ How could he? After all, it was the best day of his life. The day he met you.

Smiling, you moved to stand from your kneeling position, Pierrot copying your action to a T.

Extending your arms, you handed the flyers over to the red-clad clown, watching him put the stack atop the one already in his arms. „Please be careful.“ You suddenly muttered, looking beyond worried yet keeping it under wraps. If you could, you’d tell him to stop advertising the circus; it only brought him more unwanted attention, which for the most part wasn’t the good kind. But you couldn’t do that, or rather, you wouldn’t. You couldn’t just tell him what to do. 

So all you could do was hope he would be careful and let him return to doing what he was doing, no matter how much you hated it.

_____________________ ____ __ _

As soon as you had returned to the cafe after that run-in on the sidewalk with Pierrot, your boss had put you to work again. He did ask you a million times if you were sure to actually focus on work this time, and only after you had fully reassured him did he give you the spot behind the counter.

The relief on his face when he was able to go to the back and away from all these customers didn’t go unnoticed by you; it had made a quiet snicker fall from your lips almost immediately. 

You did focus this time, deciding that no matter how painful it was, you had to ban Pierrot from your mind at least for the remainder of the shift. Which had seemed impossible at first but now was manageable; maybe having seen him had helped. Of course your thoughts remained nagging at the image of him, but it wasn’t as bad as before.

Before you knew it, the shift had ended with the sun setting, and that meant exactly two things. Freedom and being able to return to the circus. Something you had looked forward to all day, like every day.

All you had to do was bring out the trash out back, and then you were able to leave. So you did without complaint, pushing open the back door with your shoulder, two trash sacks in either one of your hands. The light from the moon above reflected in the puddles of water on the ground, remnants of the rain earlier this day. It made it almost shine, the moon reflecting in the water almost perfectly.

Yet your attention remained on the dumpsters, which you were approaching, the puddles splashing beneath your shoes as you moved over them. With a heave you threw the sacks in beside the other trash, letting out a sigh as you finished the last task of the day. Now you could go and… "I'm telling you, that monster broke my damn wrist. I can’t believe a person would defend that thing.“ The words, despite being harsh, weren’t the thing that caught your attention; it was the voice. „But are you sure what you saw in that tent was real?“ „I would bet my life savings on that!“ 

Subconsciously you had begun to move over to the noise, staying close to the wall as you peeked around the corner to see two men standing there, one with a broken wrist and seemingly agitated. The man from today. "So they actually kidnapped those people? Do you have any proof we can hand to the authority?“ Immediately your eyes narrowed in on the phone the man had pulled from his jacket. "Of course I do, and trust me, it's not only kidnapping; the shit I saw in there is fucking sick.“ Oh no… No. No. No. No! 

Your nails dug into the concrete of the wall you were hiding behind, and you were biting your lower lip to the point it hurt. That proof. You had to get rid of it; whatever it was, it needed to go. Because you knew, if that came to light, the secret, whatever it was, could take Pierrot away from you. It would take him… He’d be gone. He…

Their words fell on deaf ears, their conversation turning into unnecessary background noise. Your hand moved, reaching out for the first thing it came in contact with, an old piece of wood, probably broken off of old furniture. You grasped it tightly, keeping it close as you crept up on them, slowly and silently approaching; you wouldn’t let them ruin this. 

"Fucking hell, man… We have to show this to someone!“ The other man never got to answer.

The circus was loud, its lights as overwhelming as always, but you carried a strange calmness with you, a scent of blood, one Pierrot couldn’t overlook.

Chapter Text

Seated on the bed in your room, you stared down at the phone in your hands. It wasn’t yours; it’s from the man. Well, he wouldn’t need it anymore, so calling it theft wasn’t the most fitting word for it. You would like to say your actions were justified, and well, they were. For you at least.

To think that someone as insignificant as him was so close to ending what you and Pierrot had. He could have very well been bluffing, but he seemed too sure of himself to actually be lying, not to talk about the way his friend had reacted once he saw the photos displayed on the phone.

Just the thought of what you would find on this device made your grip around it tighten, your expression hardening, brows furrowed together firmly. 

The rain, which had lasted since early this morning, had turned into a silent storm, the drops of water splattering against the glass of your balcony window loudly. The wind is howling and slamming just as hard. 

But it wasn’t loud enough to cover the news on TV, the reporter talking about an incident that had occurred just last night, an incident you were too familiar with.

„Police are investigating after finding the bodies of two men early this morning near a local cafe in town. On the scene, they were able to question the boss of the establishment in hopes of more clues regarding this discovery.“ You lifted your gaze from the phone, glancing over at the TV, which displayed your boss, a cop right beside him.

"Jesus… dead?“ „Yes, sir, that’s precisely—…" The sound of something hitting your window caught your attention, your eyes snapping to your balcony door, searching for anything unusual. „…closed around eleven. We’re understaffed at the moment, so I let my employee leave around…“ The tree outside swayed harshly with the wind, branches whipping back and forth.

„Anything unusual you noticed last night?“ „Not that I know of. Like I said-…“ You pulled your eyes away from the window, instead looking back down at device you kept firmly grasped in your palm. „Do you have any security cameras?“ „One in the cafe and one out back.“ „We’ll need access to that footage.“ „Yes, sure.“ In an instant your head snapped up, eyes widening as you stared at the TV in disbelief.

You completely forgot about the cameras. You barely registered the last bit of the conversation between your boss and the cop, a sudden sense of panic washing over you. Replaying the things that you did, suddenly overthinking it all, every little flaw and everything that you could have done wrong.

The phone fell out of your grip and down onto the bed beside you, your face buried into the palms of your hands just seconds after. 

It had been hard enough trying to come to terms with what you had done after the adrenaline had worn off, but now the possibility you may get caught weighs on your mind. You hadn’t even thought about that beforehand. Hell, you hadn’t been thinking at all. You only knew that whatever proof the man had would have gotten between you and Pierrot; according to it, you had acted.

You should feel disgusted by yourself knowing that you had been responsible for something so sickening. To think the hands, which were now shaking, had been the same ones to hold that broken-off piece of furniture, which had ended it all. 

You couldn’t help but stare down at your palms with disgust, biting down on your lower lip in frustration.

Until you heard another sound outside your balcony, making you flinch harshly and look up in an instant, a scoff leaving your lips when you noticed there was nothing yet again. „Hell…“

„For now, many questions remain unanswered, and the police continue working to investigate. Only a few details regarding the two men have been released to the public; the identities of them, though, remain a mystery. We advise everyone to stay home and not go out too late. This has been Channel Eight with the local news. Goodnight and stay safe—…"

Just after that, the news cut off, the screen turning black as soon as you had grabbed the remote from your nightstand and pressed the power button.

With a shaky breath, you let the remote drop on the bed right beside the phone, which you grasped in an instant, pressing the button at the side to turn it on, watching as the cracked display flickered to life. Before you could swipe to open it, a sudden notification popped up. Six percent left. 

Chewing on the inner side of your cheek, you took one last glance towards the balcony window, making sure that—what were you even looking for? There was nothing there.

One single swipe with your thumb was all it took for you to open the phone; that man must have been a real idiot; he didn’t even have a password. You were a little grateful for it, of course; after all, it meant there was nothing to actually stop you. 

But taking in consideration that he was trying to hide something on it, he shouldn’t have been as dumb as to keep it unlocked like this. Literally anyone could have just opened this if he ever lost it and somebody found it.

Shaking your head with a trembling sigh, you decided to focus on the actual task at hand, slowly letting your gaze fall onto the phone; you didn’t have to open any apps or search for the gallery, it was already open. Probably because the man never got to close it. 

It took you a moment to process what you were actually seeing: many pictures of the circus, dozens of them. Different colored tents and many food stalls—at first glance, nothing seemed wrong with the pictures; only when you got to the pictures at the top did you halt.

For a moment you forgot how to breathe, the air feeling unbearably hard to inhale. The photo was blurry, clearly taken in haste, a clear sign of someone getting evidence of something they weren’t supposed to see. What caught your attention was the person in the picture, lying on the floor near crates, not really hidden away, as if the culprit hadn't even been trying. 

With a bad feeling in your stomach, you swiped to the next photo; this time it was just a little clearer, even though you wished it wasn’t, disgust suddenly hitting you straight in the gut. 

It was a picture taken from above one of the crates; in the corner, you could barely see a hand holding it open. But the most attention-catching part was the body inside the crate, bent in ways no human should be, their eyes wide open yet completely devoid of any life.

Only when you reached the third photo did it actually turn too much for you, red; it was everywhere; the bodies of many different people mingled into unrecognizable shapes and forms. Arms and legs bent at wrong angles, sometimes missing all together, wide eyes staring into the photo, so lifeless and numb. Other times there were missing pieces of them, like something took a bite out of them.

The further you went the more blurry the pictures became, but you could no longer blame it on the man who took the pictures, you blamed yourself. Your eyes which had made everything a blur, your thumb which kept going faster and faster, not taking time to actually make out what was shown on the photos. Crimson red, there was more of it.

Before you could reach the end you let the phone clatter to the ground, jumping up from your bed and sprinting towards the bathroom in record time, not wasting a second as you fell down onto your knees beside your toilet and hovered your head above it. 

You couldn’t help throwing up everything you had eaten today in one go.

Images of what you had just seen on the phone kept replaying in your head, worsening the nausea which had reduced you to such a pathetic state.

Only a few minutes later, after you were sure to no longer throw up, did you force yourself to your feet, stumbling a little as you flushed the toilet and its disgusting contents. You stopped in front of the sink, staring at yourself in the mirror.

You held onto the sink, shaking uncontrollably, uneven breaths leaving your lips.

Turning on the water, you quickly dipped your hands beneath it, scrubbing at them desperately, as if trying to get rid of the truth of what you had done. You didn’t stop until they were red and aching, still trembling even as you tried to steady them. You could barely feel your fingers beneath the cold water, and maybe it was better that way.

Leaning down, you splashed the water right into your face, washing away the residue of nausea clinging to your mouth, making yourself try to wake up from whatever this was. 

Raising your hand, you used it to brush your hair back, unconcerned if it got wet in the process. Raking your fingers through it as if it could ground you.

That man had been telling the truth. 

…Can't you see? They’re responsible for all of this!

He was right, he hadn’t been lying.

…monsters

No, Pierrot isn’t a monster.

…it's where they keep those missing people!

Unspeakable horrors had befallen them.

…wait till you find out what they really are!

Pierrot would never…

…Fucking hell, man… We have to show this to someone!

No. They had it coming. You did it to protect Pierrot, to protect yourself. There was no need to feel guilt.

But could you keep using him as an excuse? Could you truly act like what you did wasn’t wrong? Face it. Pierrot isn’t as innocent as you made him out to be. He isn’t what he pretended to be.

Had he lied to you this whole time?

That hurt more than finding out he is most likely responsible for what happened in those photos, everything that happened to those people. The ones completely unrecognizable. With wide-blown eyes, with ashen skin.

You could still see them, those people; every time you blinked, those pictures came back to mind, too vivid for your liking, too clear, too… real. You wanted to forget what you saw, wishing you wouldn’t ever have found out; you wanted to stay oblivious. Part of you at least.

You were torn between crushing guilt of your actions and the knowledge that you had done it for Pierrot. Maybe you should have been more unsettled by the fact that that was exactly what kept you together right now. Knowing you had done it for him made it somehow easier, maybe because it gave you an excuse, but maybe just because the truth, which you had found out, would be proof that you weren’t the only one insane here.

Or at least not the only one going insane, because surely you were.

Even back then when you had visited his tent for the first time and watched him kill that woman, which you were sure he did, it hadn’t bothered you much or at all. You had felt satisfied, maybe because a foolish part of you still believed it had been staged, or maybe just because you knew she deserved it.

But this was different; you were the one to have done such a horrible thing to a person, a person you thought had completely deserved it. One you thought had been bluffing and throwing around words and insults without much thought. Turns out, that man had been right; he had been telling the truth. And that, for some reason, hit you with undeniable guilt.

The grip in your hair tightened, jaw clenching with barely held frustration; it itched, everything did. You felt so wrong. You wanted to cry and apologize, but then defend and justify yourself. 

Your hands found your arms, scratching at the skin as if they could remove the evidence of everything that had happened last night. The water was still running in the sink, and you watched it silently, trying to keep yourself from losing your shit altogether.

Nothing helped. 

Before you knew it, you had thrown on your jacket and shoes, not caring for anything other than getting the hell out of your home, which felt more suffocating than ever.

You hurried along the abandoned night streets, lights flickering, silence uncanny in its loudness. You held your breath when you finally reached the circus; the overwhelming, inviting lights were nonexistent, and the colorful tents dipped into darkness. It was eerie as it was beautiful.

You knew you probably shouldn’t have returned here, not after what you had just found out, but you had to, to be able to see him. Because honestly, there was nothing else that could calm you right now.

Only when you stepped right in front of the entrance, noticing that it's closed off, did you stop, all the residue of hope disappearing from your face in an instant. Desperation clung to you as you took another disbelieving step forward, beginning to shake your head.

„No... fuck! Why now!?“ Tears pricked the corners of your eyes, a sound akin to a frustrated scoff leaving your lips. But you needed to see him… Was there no other way inside? There had to be one- 

„My dear? Why are you here? It’s too dangerous to be outside this late.“ Instantly you turned to look behind you, eyes widening when they fell upon the familiar clown in red, standing there with a worried expression. „Pierrot…“

You didn’t even bother to question how he had suddenly appeared behind you, your feet carrying you towards him without thinking. Before he could respond, you hugged him tight, holding onto him as if he were the only thing worth holding onto. 

With widened eyes, he gazed down at your trembling and shaking form, reaching out to quickly return the embrace just as fiercely, keeping you secure and safe in his possessive grasp, comforting you without having to say anything. Only when the first sob tore from your lips did he tighten his hold further, noticing the way your hands fisted in the fabric of his costume, how your tears began to dampen his chest, and how your cries muffled against him.

You didn’t have to know that he followed you from home; all that mattered was his warmth, his presence, no matter how wrong it felt. You needed this, needed him. No matter how disturbing the truth was.

The only place you knew you were safe was in his arms. Even if knowing that tore you apart.

Chapter Text

Distance is what you were sure you needed.

Surely getting some space would help you; surely distancing yourself from the circus was the solution. After you found out the truth, that Pierrot wasn’t as innocent as you thought, you haven’t gone back to the circus, except on that night. 

You could say you avoided it like the plague, even as your very being begged and thrashed around, trying to pull you to it, wanting to desperately go there to see the clown that you knew probably wasn’t good for you. 

The solution. That's what you thought the distance was, what it would be. But then why didn’t it feel like it?

Your day was like any other day. That’s what you wished you could say…

Every single day sucked, every time getting worse with the minutes passing. That usual customer smile you had worked so hard to perfect is now barely even able to grace your lips any longer; the customers irritate you to no end, and you daydream more than you like.

And when you daydreamed, it was of him. 

Your boss wasn’t oblivious to your apparently worsening state; he definitely didn’t miss the way you would always seem to eagerly try to get away from the counter whenever that red clown entered the store, only to leave with his milkshake and sad expression when you weren’t in sight.

It went as far as you even asking him to change your shifts or begging for the new employee to at least take over, a kind woman who smiled at all the customers brightly, only showing her exhaustion when you two were alone.

She always worried for you, not hesitating to take your shift or switching positions at work whenever you asked her; she never questioned you; she knew you had your reasons. A little hint being the clown, who would come to the cafe on a daily basis, his presence always seeming to make you relax before flinching away. She noticed it all.

It was safe to assume he was part of the reason for your particular behavior.

But well, maybe you just were always like this? She wouldn’t know; after all, she didn’t know you long enough. Yet in those quiet moments where it was just the two of you, cleaning up the cafe after a long day, complaining about customers, and just talking, those were the moments she felt like she saw the real you.

Someone kind who cared about others, someone so unlike the usual anxious person you always seemed to be throughout the days passing.

Before either of you noticed, you had grown incredibly close.

Maybe that’s why even now she noticed things others wouldn’t. „You didn’t sleep again last night, did you?“ You let out a small huff and shrugged your shoulders. „Doesn’t matter now, does it?“ „You should take better care of yourself.“ She muttered with a sad smile, leaning against the counter as she watched you prepare a coffee for one of the customers.

Apparently she had nothing to do, seeing that no table needed cleaning and no other customers arrived. Well, it was still early.

When you stepped beside her and gave the customer their order, you barely noticed how she watched you, her gaze softening with a hint of sadness when it fell onto the dark circles beneath your eyes. „I mean it, you gotta take better care of yourself…“ Her words contained more urgency this time, lips pressing together to form a thin line, biting at the inner side of her cheek as she wrapped her arms around herself.

„I’ll survive.“ „Not if you keep going like this.“ For the sake of not growing irritated by her, you decided to ignore her, turning towards the cash register to put away the received payment for the coffee. She knew you were ignoring her and why, so she didn’t bother to push it any further.

„How about you come over some time?“ The randomness of her words made you pause for a moment, turning towards her with furrowed brows. „Why should I?“ „Come on now, we’re friends right? We could have a sleepover together! Watch scary movies, stay up late and gossip.“ „We’re not fifteen, you know.“ „That doesn’t mean we can't have a little fun!“ She huffed with a wide grin which only widened when she noticed you turn away, barely hiding your own smile.

Leaping forward, grasping your shoulders, she began to shake you vigorously, pleads leaving her lips in a whiny voice.

„Come onnnnnn~ At least say you’ll think about!“ „Fine! I’ll think about it; just let go of me already.“ You hummed with a held-back chuckle, feeling her arms wrap around you, pulling you into a firm hug. You didn’t bother trying to shake her off, letting her hug you.

For once you didn’t think about Pierrot, just enjoying the moment, not being crushed by the need to go back, to return to that warm embrace that belonged to the performer who had captured you.

Life, though, apparently wanted to punish you for even having such a thought, and as soon as the bell above the door chimed, you turned to see none other than Pierrot himself. Your body instinctively relaxed, your shoulders usually weighing pressure sagged. Only for the whole tension to return tenfold. 

Your coworker noticed it directly, her gaze snapping towards Pierrot in an instant, hardening when she realized who it was.

Before you even got the chance to excuse yourself, she already gently pushed you towards the back. „I’m pretty sure Boss wanted one of us to take a look at the stock.“ She hummed, her smooth excuse making you sigh out but thankfully nod towards her. 

With a hum that couldn’t mean anything but 'you're welcome,' did she turn towards the counter, already smiling at Pierrot and asking him for his order. He didn’t respond, looking at you with wide eyes, completely fixated on you, a desperate gleam shining in his yellow iris.

Swallowing down the bile in the back of your throat, hiding away the hidden part of you screaming for him, you vanished behind the door leading to the back. 

____________________________ ___ __ _

„Im sorry for always-...“ „Don’t even think about finishing that sentence. You were obviously not feeling well, and I know that.“ „But it's still not your duty to finish my tasks…“ Sympathy flashed across her features as she moved away from the table she had been cleaning, leaving the towel on top of it as she approached.

You turned around to look at her, unable to react when she suddenly pulled your hand, which was guiding the towel over the table and taking it into her own. You glanced down at your intertwined hands for a moment before up at her, a sigh leaving your lips when you saw the look she gave you.

Such gentleness. You couldn’t help but feel your own eyes relax around the corners, your eyelids dropping a little as you silently looked at her.

„I did it because I wanted to, okay? That's what friends are for, to help each other. And if it means dealing with a customer you don’t feel well serving, then so be it.“ This woman was unbelievable yet incredibly lovable; it was not hard to feel at ease around her, and you appreciated that a lot. „I just… Thanks.“

You shook off whatever you wanted to say, not wanting to be more of a bother. Instead, a simple thanks would have to suffice, even if you wish you could give more. She helped you a lot after all.

Lost in your own thoughts, you did not notice the look she was giving you, only snapping back to reality when you felt her hand squeeze your own, a reassuring gesture that made you focus back on her. „How about you go home for today.“ „But my shift isn’t over yet—…“ „As if that matters; you need rest. Now go home; I’ll deal with the boss in case he asks any questions.“ She chuckled with a wink your way, pushing you towards the door at the front.

Not giving you time to refuse, she grabbed your bag from behind the counter and shoved it into your arms, guiding you outside while doing so. Only when you were two steps out did you finally find your voice again.

„But—!" „No buts! You are going home. Can’t have you looking like a corpse tomorrow, at least not even worse than one already. So you better go and get some proper rest!“ I guess that’s what people call stubbornness. „Are you sure?“ You muttered, looking behind her into the coffee shop.

Blocking your view, she gifted you a quick wide grin.

„Now don’t worry about me; I’ll get everything cleaned up in no time." Well, no chance arguing with her. Letting out a defeated sigh, you turned to leave. „Alright, fine. See you tomorrow-…“ Yeah no, another quick hug was needed, her arms encircling you firmly. „Stay safe, okay?“ „I’ll be fine.“ Still, the look of worry on her face didn’t go unnoticed, eyes straining around the corners before she let go.

„Goodnight.“ She hummed, a soft smile pulling on her pink-tinted lips, the wind slightly brushing through her hair as she remained standing outside, silently watching you leave into the darkness of the night.

____________________________ ___ __ _

Slowly you climbed the stairs up to your apartment, feet feeling incredibly heavy, exhaustion pushing down onto your shoulders like an invisible weight. The bag slung over your shoulder doesn’t help much, making the way up feel longer and harder. 

You couldn’t believe you had agreed; you shouldn’t be acting this way. She was so kind as to help you get out of Pierrot’s way every day, kind enough never to question it, and sweet enough to care for your well-being, and now you were even able to leave early. You didn’t deserve it. 

Going home was a bad idea. You should have just swallowed down your emotions and focused on work. 

Yet instead of acting like a competent adult, you were now standing in front of your apartment door, fishing for the key somewhere hidden in the depths of your bag, letting out a silent curse when you couldn’t find it. The relief that washed over you when you found it was unreal, guiding your hands to move the key to the keyhole and fidgeting around until you got the door to open.

You didn’t hesitate to shut the door behind you as soon as you were inside the small hallway of your home, pushing off your shoes and throwing the keys on top of the shelf to your right. Your bag also disappeared from your grip somewhere along the way, lying abandoned on the ground as you stepped into your bedroom only to stop abruptly.

With wide eyes you stared at the open balcony door; as soon as your gaze trailed just a little bit further to the side, you noticed Pierrot, whose eyes looked at you almost pleadingly, almost puppy-like. Something you never expected to dislike. But right now you did, because you knew you couldn’t really resist him looking like a kicked pup.

„My dear…“ He began, stepping closer, waiting to see if you would move away, but honestly you were too shocked to do so, still frozen in place as Pierrot closed the space between the two of you. „Why are you avoiding me… Have I done something to upset you?“ You whined at the sound of his voice, not pulling away as he wrapped his arms around you, his face coming to nuzzle into the crook of your neck.

„Pierrot…“ You muttered the name after having avoided it for so long; it felt right in your mouth. „Whatever it is I did, I promise I can fix it! Just don’t leave me, my dear… I couldn’t imagine what I would do if you would…“ Distance, that’s what you thought you needed, but not even two seconds in his embrace and you already doubt it. „You can’t leave. I won’t let you… but I know forcing you won’t make you stay… but I want you to stay, I really do…“ As much as his words send shivers down your spine, do they also make you want to cry.

„Anything you need! Anything you want! I could give it to you if you gave me a chance… just one…“ Your breath catches in your throat when you feel him slowly move the two of you backwards, the back of your knees hitting the edge of your bed. All it took was him to give you a little push, and before you knew it, your back hit the mattress with a silent thud.

When you opened your eyes again, you found yourself beneath the larger clown, your heart almost jumping out of your chest with the knowledge of how close you both were and the intimate position you found yourself in.

„Your heart is racing…“ He muttered, his clawed thumb gently caressing over the pulse in your wrist as he kept it gently pinned down, his eyes softening with adoration. „Does that mean I still have a chance? Have you not fully grown to dislike me yet?“ „I never disliked you…“ You muttered, whispered in a way no ordinary human would have been able to hear even with such a short distance. But he did, pupils dilating. „So why? Why would you avoid me, my dear?“ 

You couldn’t even hope to answer. How are you supposed to explain that you found out he is part of the reason why people went missing? How were you supposed to tell him of the haunting guilt chasing after you killed someone for him? He probably didn’t even know you committed such a crime. So how could you explain?

It's easy. You simply wouldn’t. 

Using the hand pinned beneath Pierrot's grip, you intertwined your fingers with his own, your other hand finding enough freedom to move up to his face, gently cupping it in your palm. His eyes seemed to widen for a moment, the pupils of his eyes forming hearts as he gazed at you with pure, obsessive, and desperate love. 

But how would you even know what 'love' looks like?

„My dear?“

„I can’t explain it… I wish I could, but I'm too much of a coward to do so… I didn’t avoid you because I dislike you… I never could.“ 

You wanted to, but you couldn’t. Because far before you even found out the truth, you gave your heart away already, and now there was no way of taking it back.

He seemed saddened to know that you weren’t going to tell him why but felt relieved you didn’t hate him. „I understand. I’ll wait until you are ready to talk, no matter how long it takes…“ His words muffled at the end as he nuzzled against the palm of your hand with his mouth, closing his eyes for a moment, simply enjoying the feeling of your touch. 

After a minute or so he opened his eyes again, looking down at you. „Would it be better if I gave you some space, my dear?“ He began, noticing the way your grip tightened on his hand intertwined with your own. A feeling that made his grin return. „It is quite late, and I wouldn’t want to bother you any longer…“ It was clear what he meant by bother.

Avoiding him really did make him anxious, huh?

Maybe you would have said yes, maybe you would have told him to leave, but you were physically incapable of doing so at the moment. The better part of you knew telling him to leave and getting some space would be the better course of action for the moment, but your heart disagreed entirely.

„Stay… please.“ You pleaded, watching the grin on his face widen, the blush on his cheeks becoming more apparent. (Something that wasn’t supposed to be possible since he’s wearing a mask, but did you care at the moment? No.)

A soft sigh escaped your lips when you felt him settle down on the bed with you, resting only half of his body on top of your own, his head finding a comfortable position on your chest. Instinctively, you wrapped one of your arms around him, your free hand settling on top of his hat.

You expected it to give out beneath the weight of your palm, but instead you felt something solid beneath the fabric, making you caress over it for a moment. It was only when you heard a soft sound, akin to a whine, come from Pierrot and his body shuddering slightly against your own when you pulled your hand away, instead deciding to rest it on his back. 

„Sorry... I won’t do it again.“ You promised, nuzzling your face against the top of Pierrot’s head, careful not to disturb him too much.

Letting out a slow exhale, you finally relaxed fully, closing your eyes and allowing yourself to rest.

That didn’t mean you could stop your thoughts from spiraling. Why didn’t you tell him to leave? Why couldn’t you just do what was better for you? You knew this wasn’t the right thing; you need to distance yourself from him, not hold onto him. But the comfort offered to you in this moment, this embrace, and the warmth he gave you was undeniable. 

Your apartment, which had grown so cold, finally felt safe again. And it was all thanks to him, no matter how much you wished it weren’t true.