Work Text:
[Transcript of audio files recovered from ‘Bunker 9’.]
Aug 18, 2011 - New Recording
So um… Annabeth said that writing things in diaries help process ‘grief’... or something? I don’t really know. But since I don’t really want to write this all out, I decided to record my voice. I made this before when I was trying to find out what Chiron talks about with Mr.D… turns out they don’t talk about anything interesting. So anyways, I’ve decided to give this baby new life and turn this into a diary. But for speaking obviously.
What am I even doing, talking to the air as if you can ever hear me… this was a stupid idea
Jul 1, 2012 - New Recording 1
Happy birthday Superman.
...
Gods this is so stupid
Feb 14 2013 - New Recording 3
It’s valentine’s day! So many couples outside trying to make out in the woods as if that’s any more private than anywhere else in camp. I’ve decided to stay in Bunker 9 until tomorrow comes so I don’t have to feel more single than I already do. Gods it’s so stupid but it reminds me of being on Argo II, you know with me being the seventh wheel and having to watch all you couples flirting everywhere.
I should have just told you how I felt… I wonder what you’d have said.
Jul 1, 2013 - New Recording 15
Happy birthday. I’m going to be a legal adult soon. I wish you were here with me.
Jun 28, 2014 - New Recording 18
So uh… we cleaned out Cabin 1 today, I don’t even know why it’s not like anyone’s going to be living here for a while. I guess it was more for emotional closure, at least that’s what Piper and Annabeth said. Piper seems to be doing good by the way, she seems to be doing better than me at any rate.
Moving on from that, I’m sure you don’t want to hear me talk about your ex, your everything looks the same as it was before. Which seems obvious, but I don’t know… I guess a part of me hoped that it would still look like you were living here and just went off to Camp Jupiter again or something.
The room smelled like you a little. With the hint of ozone in the air and the smell of your shampoo. I wanted to steal your pillow… that was weird wasn’t it? Yep that was a weird weird thing to think and an even weirder thing to admit. If you’re listening Ghosty, ignore this recording and move on to the next one.
Jan 7, 2014 - New Recording 21
You know how people say that someone’s voice is the first thing you forget about them when they… you know, die? I never thought it’d apply to me. Because how could I ever forget the way you said my name, all exasperated and fond, when I accidentally blew up Bunker 9 because I wanted to make a jetpack to fly around with you.
I can’t seem to remember it as clearly anymore.
There was a new camper today, just a little younger than we were when we made it to camp. He had a Californian accent, it reminded me of you. I said to Annabeth “doesn’t that remind you of Superman?” and she looked at me with the strangest look on her face. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that there was nothing similar about the voices other than the accent.
I wanted to argue, I know it was stupid of me to try to argue with Annabeth herself, but I couldn’t remember enough of you to argue.
I should have recorded you more. Made this a little earlier, just a little earlier, so that I would be able to listen to your voice again.
I wish I could see you one last time.
Jul 1, 2014 - New Recording 29
Happy birthday, again I know. I thought it would hurt less to tell you happy birthday as the years go on, but I guess the ‘time will heal’ thing was nonsense after all. Why is it that your birthday hurts so so much more than your deathiversary?
Dec 16, 2014 - New Recording 32
I remember liking you. Before, I mean. Before we technically ‘met’ around this time so many years ago. Do you think that was also just something she planted in my brain along with my memories with you? To… make me feel an attachment to you or something?
I don’t think it was. I hope it wasn’t anyways.
Mar 31, 2015 - New Recording 38
I don’t think I can remember you anymore. I can picture your hair all windswept after capture the flag, but I can’t seem to remember the exact way your mouth curved when you were laughing from the joy you felt while flying. I can’t remember the way your eyes smiled as if you thought of something hilarious you just weren’t sharing with the rest of us.
I miss you so much I don’t even remember what it is like to not miss you, but I’m already forgetting what I missed.
River Lethe seemed to be the ultimate punishment to me, I mean forgetting everything that you’ve done in your life? Forgetting the Super-sized McShizzle? Worst thing that could ever happen. But… some days I think it would be better if I forgot what I was missing completely rather than remembering through a foggy window. To forget everything in an instant seems to be more of a blessing than a curse now, compared to forgetting slowly with the knowledge that I am forgetting slowly killing me.
I miss you.
Jul 1, 2015 - New Recording 42
Kids are being so loud outside. I bet you would be happy looking at the kids, all with their own cabins in the woods. Percy seems really happy whenever he visits camp again. He’s at New Rome Uni right now with Annabeth, but whenever he visits he looks so fond of camp. I don’t know how he does it. How he doesn’t let the grief take over and keeps on moving on with his life unlike me. He’s graduating soon. Can you believe that? He did all that while I was holed up in Bunker 9 recording these stupid audios that you can’t even listen to.
Anyways I got a little distracted I suppose, happy birthday Superman.
Apr 4, 2016 - New Recording 58
All I was thinking during your funeral was ‘this is such a stupid prank, no one is going to fall for that. Superman’s a child of the Big Three, there’s no way he’s dead’. And when it finally sunk in I was just thinking of ways to bring you back. I have a bunch of automatons that looks just like you hidden in Bunker 9. Heard about Daedalus and thought I could copy what he did. You would be so disappointed in me, you rule-follower. You would tell me that what I was doing was stupid and that I should defy the will of the gods. Would you say that? I’m not even sure anymore.
Everyone’s so happy today, like they are on all days. I just want to burn the whole camp down whenever this time of year comes around. Why do they get to be happy when you had to sacrifice yourself like an idiot. Why does everyone else get to grow up while you’ll forever be 16. The gods have to pay attention if I burn the camp down right?
This is a stupid idea, you would hate every part of it.
May 28, 2016 - New Recording 64
Nico told us that you’re already gone. Not as in dead gone, we knew that already, but that you chose to be reborn. I don’t know, I guess I’ve always hoped to be able to find you again if I ever made it to Elysium. Did you… not want to see us again? Was the wait too long by yourself?
I wish I had gone on more quests. More glory for Uncle Leo here am I right? Would I have been able to see you if I’d done that? If I had lived more recklessly?
I’ve already forgotten so much of you and I can’t even see you again.
Jul 1, 2016 - New Recording 65
I thought I should say goodbye. Since, you know, you’re gone gone for good now. Gods that felt so mean to say to a dead person. And uhh I guess I thought it would be best to do this on your birthday for some weird reason. So happy birthday, and goodbye Jason.
I loved you, and I will regret the fact I’ve never told you every single day of my life.
Goodbye.
Admiral Leo, the Super-sized McShizzle, out.