Chapter 1: Prologue: Case open
Chapter Text
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
October 8th, 2014
Vanessa added Jane
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Hi Jane! Welcome to the Boston WAGs group chat 😊 17:38
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):We’re glad to have you! I'm sure I speak for all the girls when I say I’m excited to meet the lady who managed to tie down Rozanov👀 17:39
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):I’m Vanessa, Cliff Marleu’s (#7) girlfriend 17:39
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):@everyone sound off! 17:40
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Welcome Jane! I’m Kate. I've been married to Connor Connors (#31) for 4 years now 17:42
Jane has left
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Nice to meet you! I’m Jessica, dating Victor St-Simon (#27) 17:42
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Aaand she’s gone 17:42
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Did we get the wrong number? 17:44
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Hold up let me call her 17:38
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
It’s so weird, she’s not saying anything 17:50
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Are the calls not going through? 17:52
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
What do you mean? 17:52
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Like she’s being cagey about answering questions orrrr 17:39
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Is she not picking up 17:39
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
No! She’s picked up the call but It’s just like…silence on her end
17:50
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Like I just keep saying hello? Hello? And nothing 17:50
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): Wait I took a video 17:50
17:50
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): sent a video Video transcript (27s):
[Video is a screen recording of a call with 1+(514) 993-1231]
Vanessa: Hello? Helloooo? Is this Jane?
-heavy panicked breathing can be heard in background- 17:50
Reactions: 💀❓2
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
That’s so weird, maybe she’s got an issue with her speaker? 17:52
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Is that her or you hyperventilating? 17:52
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Who is this girl??? 17:52
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): Omg what if she’s a ghost? 17:53
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):👻 17:55
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Huhh? 17:56
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I don’t know! The videos are giving me spooky vibes. 17:57
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Or maybe 17:56
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Hear me out 17:56
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Maybe her mic's broken 17:56
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Ugh boooo that's so boring 17:57
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Oh! 18:05
Vanessa sent an image:
18:06
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):BITCH BLOCKED ME??? 18:06
Reactions: 😮3
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Maybe Cliff got the wrong number? 18:10
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Wait that message is lowkey so creepy 18:11
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Chills 18:11
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Hang on, he gets out of practice soon, I’ll check when I pick him up. 18:15
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Ok so Cliff says it’s def the right number. 18:35
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Rozanov like copied and pasted it directly over 17:66
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Want me to try texting her? 18:40
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Since ur blocked 18:40
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Nah it’s cool 18:42
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Cliffs letting me borrow his phone to do it 18:42
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I don’t know about this guys. Maybe we should just leave her alone. 18:45
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Hell nah! 18:46
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Nah, let’s see where it goes 18:46
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I wanna see if she’s a ghostttttt 18:46
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Nope! I wanna get to the bottom of this mystery 18:46
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Hah! 18:47
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Kate you're outvoted 18:47
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
You guys worry me on ocassion 18:49
Type a message
Shane's hands shook as he frantically navigated to his phone settings. He was going to kill Ilya.
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Lily
October 16th, 2014
Lily: Say hi to girls for me 21:01
Jane: Fuck 22:13
Lily: Ha! 22:15
Lily: What I say? 22:15
Lily: 3442 22:15
Lily: shared a location
22:15
Jane: That's like a 20 minute drive away 22:16
Lily: I know you want discreet 22:16
Lily: This is far 22:16
Lily: No one will see 22:16
Jane: I want now 22:17
Lily: Well you will have to wait) 22:18
Lily: You like my kiss when I scored? 22:19
Jane: Was that for me? 22:19
Lily: Always 22:20
Lily: This is also for you 22:20
Lily: sent a photo
22:20
Jane: I'm still 15 minutes away! 22:20
Lily: So impatient 22:21
Jane: I'm here 22:30
Jane: In elevator right now 22:30
Lily: What happen to 15 minutes? 22:30
Jane: There was no traffic 22:31
Lily: In Boston? 22:31
Lily: This is not possible 22:32
Lily: Unless...you tip driver?)) To go faster?))) 22:32
Jane: I've changed my mind, I'm leaving 22:33
Lily: I can hear you giggling outside door))) 22:33
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
October 17th, 2014
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Announcement! 📣 10:40
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
New WAG jerseys??? 10:42
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Omg 10:42
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Your pregnant 10:43
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Better! 10:44
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
😮 10:44
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Jane’s being added to the chat!! 10:44
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Wait wait don’t add her yet 10:45
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
What, why 10:46
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Okay girls 10:46
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):This is your last chance to speculate on Jane, everybody place your bets now or forever hold your peace 10:46
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Oh, no 10:48
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Guys let’s not do this 10:48
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I think she’s a spy 10:48
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Kate don’t worry we’re not stalking her it’s all in good fun 10:49
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
WAIT 10:49
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):I’ve got info to spill 10:49
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):And before Kate acts as the voice of reason Jane told me to tell you this stuff 10:49
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Thank god 10:49
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
We love and appreciate you Kate <3 10:50
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
You’re the only reason we haven’t set the Voyager's home arena on fire, Kate 💕 10:50
Vanessa sent 8 images
10:50
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Oooo mysterious 10:52
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):I think I like ghost 10:52
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
She might just be an accountant or something 10:52
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Boooo boring 10:52
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I like Allison’s idea 10:53
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):She must be doing some type of sensitive work? 10:53
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Or else why would dating someone famous like Roz be such a big idea 10:53
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Yeah it could blow her ~cover~ 10:53
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Great logic Allison 10:54
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Only issue is she lives in MONTREAL 10:54
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):WHATS SHE SPYING ON?? 10:54
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Montreal could have undercover spies? 10:54
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
She’s trying to steal all the maple syrup 10:54
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
That can’t be it, she would have left town already: https://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/police-probing-quebec-maple-syrup-heist-worth-up-to-30-million/article4510740/ 10:55
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
OMG KATE WHAT? 10:55
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
It was on the news 10:55
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Maybe they have a super secret alien base in Montreal and she works there as a scientist 10:56
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
The secret spy scientist lady, investing in working hard with her head down falls for the flashy debonair hockey player 10:56
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Yesssssssss 10:56
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):And if attention gets brought to her all the government secrets she has will be leaked 10:57
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Forever shunned by the scientific community 10:57
~Allison (+774-893-5354):All in the name of love ❤️ 10:57
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
…Allison, I think you might be reading too many paperbacks 😭 10:58
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
*gasp! Jennifer! 10:58
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):How could you! 10:58
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):No such thing!!!! 10:58
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Idk maybe the issue has less to do with Roz’s fame and more to do with his…reputation 10:59
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
As a menace? 10:59
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
As a ladies man 10:59
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
It’s okay you can say whore 11:00
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Jane says so 11:00
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
girl I LOVE Jane 11:00
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Like what if she works in a conservative environment? 11:01
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Oooo like a church? 11:01
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Lmao 11:01
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Maybe she’s Amish 11:01
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Amish aren't very common in Canada though. 11:02
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Maybe Mennonite? 11:02
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
OMG can you imagine?? 11:03
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Roz being fuck buddies with a NUN? 11:03
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
He does have that crucifix necklace 👀 11:03
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
But how would they have met? 11:04
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):I don’t think nuns go clubbing very often 11:04
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Maybe during confessional? 11:05
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Roz comes (cums 😩) to the church and like gets down on his knees and is all 11:05
~Allison (+774-893-5354):“I do not know if I can still do the playing of the hockey” 11:05
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Lmao why would he say that tho 11:06
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
IDK maybe he’s having some inner torment or something 11:06
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Not wanting to play hockey isn’t a sin though 11:06
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
It should be 11:06
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Ugh, fine 11:06
~Allison (+774-893-5354):So Roz is all like 11:06
~Allison (+774-893-5354):“Ooooo have sinned, have had too much sex and clubbing and am worried is going to hell” 11:07
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
“have highsticked too many men” 11:07
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
“cross-checked every player in league” 11:07
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Omg yes 11:07
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
These are penalties not sins guys 11:07
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
And he looks up 11:07
~Allison (+774-893-5354):And BAM! Jane is there 11:08
~Allison (+774-893-5354):And she’s all 11:08
~Allison (+774-893-5354):“You are absolved of your sins, my child” 11:08
~Allison (+774-893-5354):“So long as you no longer go clubbing and hooking up with other women” 11:08
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
“You can totally do that other hockey stuff though, like that’s a-ok” 11:08
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
And that’s why he doesn’t go out anymore and spend all his time texting her instead. 11:08
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Only issue is nuns don’t listen to confession 11:09
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Aww :( 11:09
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Nice story though Allison 11:09
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Aww :) 11:09
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
It doesn’t have to be the church necessarily 11:10
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):I’d be more likely that she’s employed by her family in a more conservative neighborhood at a small business 11:10
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):It would explain why she’d lose her entire support system 11:11
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Her coworkers, family, and friends would all hold the same values 11:11
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Our voice of reason chiming in? 11:11
~Allison (+774-893-5354):That’s a good point 11:12
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
It’s less exciting 11:12
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):But it makes sense I guess 11:12
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
It’s realistic 11:12
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
What a bummer 11:13
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):She’s dating the hottest guy in the nhl and can’t tell anyone 11:13
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Wait omg no wonder she was scared that we would be blackmailing her 11:13
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Wow I just got really sad :( 11:14
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
She can tell us!!! 11:14
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
We’ll be here!! 11:14
~Allison (+774-893-5354):We’ll be her new non-stuck-up not old fashioned friends 11:15
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
We’re new fashioned!! 11:15
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
And fashionable! 11:15
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Yes, this girls in need of a good support network! 11:16
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
And if her secret gets exposed, me and Vic will adopt her 11:16
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
lol another kid? 11:16
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Y’all got the room? 11:16
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Yessss 11:16
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Jane’s so cute she’ll fit right in with the toddlers 11:17
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Yes lol she’s so polite when she doesn’t think she’s being blackmailed 11:17
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):“Please Ms. Allison, I’m so sorry to interrupt but may I please have another serving of dinner?” 11:17
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Wait please 11:17
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Then she’ll be in Boston full time 11:18
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):And apparently Rozanov always plays better when she’s around 11:18
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Okay she’s being added EVERYONE BE COOL!!!!! 11:18
Vanessa added Jane
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Welcome back to the groupchat Jane!! 11:19
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Hi Jane! 11:19
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
@everyone sound off! 11:19
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Hi Jane, nice to meet you again! I'm Kate, Conner Conners's girlfriend (#31) 11:20
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Welcome Jane, I'm Allison! 11:20
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Been married to Brad Hammersmith (#91) for 9 years this November <3 11:20
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I'm Jessica Smith (soon to be St-Simon)!! 11:20
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Hey girl! I'm Jennifer, currently dating Joshua Dubek (#33) 11:20
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Oh, I forgot to add, Victor's #27 11:20
Sent: Hi everybody! It's nice to meet you all 11:21
Sent:Sorry for all the confusion 11:21
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
It's all good! 11:21
Sent: I guess I have to give an introduction? 11:22
Sent:I'm Jane, Rozanov's long-term long-distance casual hook-up lol 11:22
Sent:He's #81 11:22
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Welcome, welcome!!! 11:23
Sent: Thanks everybody 11:23
Sent:Sorry, I don't really know what to say now 11:24
Sent:I'm still not sure what being in this groupchat entails 11:24
Sent:Vanessa said something about venting but I don’t have anything to vent about right now 11:25
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
OMG ur adorable! 11:25
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
You don't have to say anything if you don’t want! 11:25
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Vanessa told us that you're a bit more private so we won't pressure you to share 11:25
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Yep! 11:26
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Other then venting (which you can do when you think of something lol) we mostly just use this chat to coordinate meet-ups 11:26
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Sometimes we'll share life advice, generally we'll just chat 11:26
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
It's no stress! 11:27
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Just treat it as any other groupchat with friends :) 11:27
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Feel free to come if you need help with literally anything lol 11:27
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):I'd probably laugh at you
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):But Allison's been married a million years and knows everything 11:27
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):And Kate's smart as fuck 11:28
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):So between the two of them they can solve like any problem ever lol 11:28
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Did you just call me old? 11:28
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
You're wise 11:28
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
You're wise 11:28
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
You're wise 11:28
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Ur wise 11:28
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Omg guys we're twinning 11:28
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Vanessa's our "head WAG" which means she's in charge of events or ordering jerseys and stuff 11:29
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Oh wait 11:29
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Uhhh guys? 11:29
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Omg I forgot she's ROZANOV's girl 11:29
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Ok Jane, traditionally the Captains parter becomes "head WAG" and gets put in charge of organizing events and stuff 11:29
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Willing to bet you don’t wanna do that tho? 11:29
Sent: Please for the love of god no 11:30
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Ok good because Vanessa's kinda a boss at that stuff 11:30
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Aww man, was kinda hoping you did wanna do it 11:30
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
But you're such a good head WAG!! 11:31
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
It's soooo time consuming tho 11:31
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Jane if you ever wanna tap in feel free lmao 11:32
Sent: I will not but thanks 11:32
Type a message
Chapter 2: Clue #1: Jane is a diehard hockey fan (of the Metros, ew!)
Summary:
Vanessa:
All guys are a bit gay for Hollander
Jane:
No they aren’t
Can we not talk about guys being gay for Hollander
Jessica:
*gasp* don’t be homophobic
Jennifer:
Yes they are
Allison:
Not Rozanov, probably
Jessica:
Good point, Rozanov hates him
Vanessa:
All guys EXCEPT Rozanov are a bit gay for Hollander
Jane:
I can't even begin to explain how incorrect that isNew Clues:
1. Jane is OBSESSED with hockey
2. Montreal Jane is MONTREAL Jane
3. Jane apparently does not have eyesNew Theories:
1. Jane is a referee
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
November 5th, 2014
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
WOOT!!! 🎊🎉🙌 20:32
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Did y'all just see that? 20:32
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Yay! Hat’s off to your boy, Jessica 20:32
~Allison (+774-893-5354):None of you can see but I just tossed Jason's babycap on the ground 20:32
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
That's his first hattrick! 20:32
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Omg I'm so proud of him 20:33
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Wait why are they calling the refs 20:34
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Is there something wrong? 20:34
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Allison are the reporters saying something on TV? 20:35
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I think the announcers are saying it was offside? 20:35
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Oh, wait, they're showing it on the screen right now 20:35
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Vanessa says that's when there's players on the other side of the blue line with the puck? 20:36
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):I don't get it 20:36
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Aren't there always players on every side of the ice? 20:37
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Oh noooo 20:37
~Allison (+774-893-5354):They showed the replay, it's clearly offside 20:37
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I don't get it 20:39
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
OK so basically, this is the rink: 20:40
~Allisonsent an image:
20:41
~Allison (+774-893-5354):The yellow bit is the offensive zone (in front of the opponent's net) 20:41
~Allison (+774-893-5354):If the puck isn't in the offensive zone you are not allowed to be there 20:41
~Allison (+774-893-5354):If you're in the zone before the puck, you're offside 20:42
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Here's the image from the playback: 20:42
~Allisonsent an image:
20:42
~Allison (+774-893-5354):You can see that Rozanov is already in the offensive zone when St-Simons enters with the puck 20:38
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Yeah, they won't count the goal RIP 20:38
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Ouch, it looks like all the TV announcers agree 20:38
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
That's not fair though! 20:39
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Rozanov was leaving! 20:40
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):They didn't give him enough time! 20:40
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Was he supposed to teleport to the other side of the line? 20:40
Sent: Jessica's right 20:40
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Yeah, it’s always sad to see the refs take away a goal 20:41
~Allison (+774-893-5354):But it’s the rules though, Jane :/ 20:42
Sent: No 20:42
Sent:Jessica's literally right 20:43
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I am? 20:43
Sent: Look it up: it's Rule 83.3 of the NHL Rulebook: Delayed offside 20:44
Sent:Basically, if everyone leaves the zone before you touch the puck, it's fine 20:44
Sent:St-Simons doesn't touch the puck until after Rozanov's skate clears the line 20:44
Janesent an image:
20:44
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
But he brings the puck into the zone? 20:45
Sent: He doesn't touch it though, that's what matters 20:46
Sent:It'll be fine 20:47
Sent:Just watch 20:47
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
The refs say it's fine!! 20:47
Sent: See? 20:48
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Wait, did you have that rule memorised? 20:48
Sent: Yeah 20:49
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Lol, why 20:49
Sent: I've got most of the rulebook memorized 20:50
Sent:Also because Boston's ALWAYS offside lol 20:50
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Ok not ALWAYS 20:51
Sent: That's the third offside goal challenge they've had this season 20:51
Sent:They had two overturned goals in one game against San Jose. 20:52
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
You've been counting? 20:53
Sent: Of course. I’ve been watching the games, after all. 20:54
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Three isn't a lot though, is it? 20:54
Sent: Yeah, for a whole season maybe. The issue is that it’s only NOVEMBER 20:55
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Ok why are we skipping the fact that Jane's got most of the NHL rulebook memorized 20:56
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):That's so weird 20:56
Sent: I love hockey, why is that weird? 20:57
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
I love Derry girls but that doesn't mean I can quote every episode of it 20:58
Sent: The NHL rulebook is significantly shorter than the Derry girls script though 20:58
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Isn't it like 400 pages 20:59
Sent: 229 as of this season if I remember correctly 20:59
Sent:But only 133 of those pages are actually for rules 20:59
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
That's so many!! 21:00
Sent: It's really not though 21:00
Sent:Like the bible's 1000 or something and loads of people have that memorized 21:00
Sent:Nice "goal" from Conners there btw 21:00
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Oh fuck I missed it 21:01
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Wait why are they calling the refs again 21:01
Sent: This time it really was offside 21:02
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Somebody please say sike rn 21:03
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):FUCK 21:03
Sent: What'd I say? 21:04
Sent:Typical Boston activities 21:04
Sent:This whole team's a mess 21:05
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
*gasp* 21:05
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Slander! 21:06
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Jane how could you? 21:06
Sent: I say it how I see it 21:07
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Well we won anyway! 21:07
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):5-2 with a hat trick from Vic, not bad!! 21:07
Type a message
November 23rd, 2014 9:11 PM
Jane: Just saw your score against the Admirals 21:11
Lily: You saw that we win?) 21:11
Jane: Yea barely 21:12
Lily: Win is win 21:12
Jane: Did you see our win? 21:12
Lily: Yes, was okay 21:12
Jane: Just okay? 21:13
Jane: We beat the Gliders 6-2? 21:14
Lily: Ehhh not so impressive, Winnepeg is shit team 21:15
Jane: At least I didn't spend a whole period skating in circles with Hunter 21:15
Lily: Hunter needs it 21:16
Lily: Light exercise is good on his old joints 21:16
Jane: Whatever 21:17
Jane: Just don't forget to bring you’re a-game on Friday 21:17
Jane: If you handle your stick the same way you did today I'll fall asleep 21:15
Lily: Which stick?) 21:15
Jane: Fuck off, that's not what I meant 21:16
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
November 23th, 2014
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):3-2 OT against Admirals!! 22:03
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Hell yeah! 22:04
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Jane? Were you watching? 22:04
Jane: Sorry guys, I was a bit busy earlier 22:04
Jane:Had some work stuff going on, so I couldn’t watch the game live 22:04
~Allison (+774-893-5354):We missed your running commentary 22:04
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
The commercial breaks are much better when you're narrating through them 22:05
Jane:It’s fun watching the games with you all, you’re all so chilled out compared to everyone else I know. 22:07
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
I take personal offence to that 22:07
Jane:Well, mostly more chilled out. 22:07
Jane:I'm watching the playback now 22:07
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Did you see?? We won!! 22:07
Jane: Yep! Not surprised though, Boston's in a much better place than New York at the moment 22:07
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Are they? 22:08
Jane: Well yeah, Admirals have got their top defensemen as well as both Zullo and Breezy out on IR 22:09
Jane:Honestly surprised it ended up going into overtime 22:10
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Do you just keep a running list of all the injured players in your head? 22:11
Jane: What? 22:12
Jane:No, that's absurd 22:12
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Oh thank god 22:13
Jane: The number changes too frequently, keeping it in my head would not be reliable. 22:13
Jane:ESPN has a webpage that does it 22:14
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
How often do you check it? 22:15
Jane: Like a couple times every day or so 22:16
Jane:Why? 22:16
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
You would 22:16
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
You would 22:17
Jane: Speaking of injuries 22:17
Jane:Allison, sorry if this is over stepping 22:17
Jane:But you might wanna ask Brad if his right hip's doing ok? 22:18
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Why? Because he got checked into the boards? 22:18
Jane: Well more because he started favouring his left side afterwards, but yeah 22:19
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Weird, I can't see it 22:20
Jane: Watch it back 22:21
Jane:When there's 14s left of the third period and he turns as he's going to the bench 22:22
Jane:The way he wobbles looks a bit odd 22:22
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Thanks, I'll ask him about it 22:22
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Now that you mention it, he did have some problems picking up Jason earlier 22:24
Jane: I'm done watching the recap 23:21
Jane:Boston was okay, not their best, but hopefully they shape up before their game against Montreal on Friday 23:21
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
That's it? No play by play essay? 23:35
Jane:Nah, I'm going to bed now. I'm absolutely beat. 23:41
Jane:I feel like I can barely open my eyes 23:41
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Lmao already? At 11 pm? Weak 23:41
Jane: Hah! Only 10 pm actually 23:41
Jane:I'm in Winnepeg right now 23:42
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Winnepeg?? 23:42
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):What's there to do in Winnepeg? 23:43
Jane: Work 23:43
Jane:That's it 23:44
Jane:There's literally nothing else here 23:44
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
You were working until 9 pm? 23:44
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Girl you keep some crazy hours 23:44
Jane: Nah, it's alright, that's pretty usual for me 23:45
Jane:It's fine, I love what I do 23:46
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Hard day at the office? 23:47
Jane: Lol, don't know about hard 23:47
Jane:It was definitely a successful day 23:48
Jane:I'm feeling pretty good 23:49
November 25th, 2014
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Heyy, just checking in 15:13
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Everybody still down to come over for a watch party of the game tonight? 15:13
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Yess girl! 15:13
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Jason's been spending all day talking about his favourite "aunt Nessy" 15:14
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Awwww 15:15
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
OMG that's so cute 15:15
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I've got apps covered! Vanessa let me know if you still want me to pick anything else up 15:15
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Jane, you gonna be watching the game as well I'm assuming? 15:16
Jane: Oh I'll be watching alright 15:16
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Yay! I love your live updates 15:17
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Only because you don't understand what the announcers are saying and need someone to explain things to you lol 15:17
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
And??? I didn't watch hockey before I met Vicky. 15:18
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Is it a crime? To share my husbands interests?? 15:18
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):And Jane's such a great coach! She explains things really well 15:18
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Jane, you're from Montreal right? 15:19
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Are you watching the game in person? 15:20
Jane: Definitely 15:20
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Yay! Cheer on our boys for Boston will you? 15:20
Jane: Sorry, can't 15:20
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Oh no 15:21
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
? 15:21
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Won't you be at the rink 15:21
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Guys, she's a die hard hockey fan from MONTREAL 15:22
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
OH NO 15:23
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
FUCK 15:23
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I don't get it, what's wrong? 15:23
Jane: I'll be too busy cheering for best team in the league 15:24
Jane:the MONTREAL VOYAGEURS!!!! 15:25
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
SLANDER! 15:25
Jane: ALLEZ MONTRÉAL!!!!!!!!!!! 15:25
Jessica has removed Jane from Boss Babes
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Jessica! 15:26
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Lol 15:26
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
That TRAITOR!!! 15:26
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Jessica I love you 15:26
Vanessa has added Jane to Boss Babes
Jane: Was it something I said? 15:27
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I trusted you!! 15:28
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):You were my hockey coach!! 15:28
Jane: And lesson number one is that the HABs are the best team in the league 15:29
Jane:Take it from an expert in hockey 15:29
Jane:I'm sorry but it's true 15:30
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
What is this "league" you speak of 15:30
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Surely not any league that has the Boston Raiders 15:31
Jane: Lot of talk for a team that's only won a single cup in the last decade 15:31
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
I see why Rozanov keeps you a secret now 15:31
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
He's been dating the enemy 15:32
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Rozanov can't help it, he's Russian! 15:33
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):"Teammate say fuck Montreal, I do as said, why everybody mad?“ 15:33
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Is this why you keep saying it won't work out? 15:34
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
"I go to Montreal to fuck, yes? What is issue?" 15:34
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Wait 15:35
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Wait OMG 15:36
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Wait 15:36
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
We are all, in fact, waiting Vanessa 15:36
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
If you’re supporting Montreal then you must have a Montreal jersey right? 15:37
Jane: Of course 15:37
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
NO 15:38
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
HOLY FUCK NO WAY 15:39
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Jane 15:40
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Who’s jersey are you wearing? 15:40
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
It CAN’T be Hollander that’d be too mean to Rozanov 15:40
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
IT HAS TO BE THAT’D BE FUCKING HILARIOUS 15:41
Janesent an image:
15:41
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
IT IS!!!! 15:42
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
You have 3(!) Shane Hollander jerseys? 15:42
Jane: Two of these are my parents', they just left them at my place 15:43
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
OMG does Rozanov know you have them? 15:43
Jane: They’re also watching the game today 15:44
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Oh, that's not as bad. So you just have the one jersey then? 15:44
Janesent an image:
15:45
Jane:No 15:45
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
WHY’D YOU HAVE HIS 2014 ALL STARS JERSEY 15:46
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
AND the Olympic one?? 15:46
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Are you a die hard fangirl or something? 15:46
Jane: I don't think I'd call myself a 'die hard fangirl' 15:46
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Then why'd you have so much merch??? 15:46
Jane: Is it weird to own a lot of jerseys? I collect them 15:47
Jane:Or I used to, at least 15:47
Janesent an image:
15:48
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
DAYUM 15:48
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
How many Rozanov jerseys do you have? 15:48
Jane: I don't have any 15:49
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
NO WAY 15:49
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Wait then what’s that Boston one? 15:50
Jane:Hall of famer Bay Rourque 15:51
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Didn’t he leave ages ago? 15:51
~Allison (+774-893-5354):He was gone before Brad signed 15:51
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Google says 2001 15:52
Jane: It’s old, I got it when I was a kid 15:53
Jane:Most of these are from when I was a kid. I stopped adding to my collection a while ago. 15:53
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Lol why is Rourque the only Boston jersey you have? 15:53
Jane: Because he’s the best Boston captain in recent history 15:54
Jane:I thought that was obvious 15:54
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Really? You can’t think of any other Boston Captains that you might want a jersey for? 15:55
Jane: No 15:55
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Oh she thinks she’s funny 15:55
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
We need to get you a Rozanov jersey 15:56
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):I know we don’t know anything about you including your mailing address, but we’ll get you a Rozanov jersey 15:56
Jane: Please don’t 15:57
Jane:I don’t need negative energy in my life right now 15:57
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
You say that…but Rozanov’s going to be in Montreal tonight ;) 15:58
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Are y’all gonna meet up ;) 15:58
Jane: Probably, if all goes well 15:59
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Ah! I’m so happy for you 15:59
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Even if you are a traitor 16:00
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Are you still going to be wearing the Hollander jersey when you see him tonight? 👀 16:00
Jane: Always 16:01
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Always a hockey jersey or always Hollander specifically? 16:01
Jane: Hollander specifically. My collection's at my parents house. 16:01
Jane:I haven’t thought it in a while to be honest. 16:01
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Lol because Hollander stole your heart? 16:01
Jane: Well, It’s bad luck to wear another team's jersey 16:01
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
But not to fuck their captain??? 16:02
Jane: No because we always crush Boston when that happens 16:03
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Lies! 16:03
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Slander!! 16:04
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Objectively not true? It's not like you win every home game? 16:04
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Also Jane if you’ll never wear any of them anymore, have you considered donating some? 16:04
Jane: That’s actually not a bad idea. They're taking up a lot of space. 16:05
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Omg nobody tell Shane Hollander that Rozanov’s girl has 200 of his jerseys 16:05
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):His ego might combust 16:06
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Would it? Hollander is known on record as being a pretty level headed guy 16:06
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
But this is nuclear arms level of bragging rights I fear 16:07
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Lol what’d he even say? 16:08
Jane: I don't think he’d be surprised to be honest 16:08
Jane:A hockey fan from Montreal with a Hollander jersey? 16:09
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Revolutionary. What’s next? Toronto loses in overtime? 16:10
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Shut uppppp 16:11
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
The arch-rival’s merchandise stays ON during sex 16:11
Jane: Lol just how Rozanov likes it 16:11
Jane:Nothing but me, Shane Hollander, and a whole rack of condoms 16:12
Jane:Just kidding, that was a joke 16:13
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
LMAO 16:13
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Screenshotting this and sending it to Cliff real quick 16:13
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Don’t 16:13
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Kate, I guess that it’s invasive but come on 16:13
Jane: Please don’t. Rozanov will never let me hear the end of it 16:14
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
No, I meant wait until after the game 16:14
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):We don’t wanna fuck with the team's heads before they face off against Montreal 16:14
Jane: Wait I changed my mind 16:15
Jane:You should totally send it 16:16
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Why are you dating the Raider’s captain if you’re a Metros fan. 16:16
Jane: We aren’t dating 16:17
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Girl, whatever 16:17
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):You know what I mean 16:18
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Omg Jennifer, It’s because he’s ROZANOV 16:18
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Duh! 16:19
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I agree, I feel like Jane deserves a pass on this guys 16:19
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Rozanov’s unreasonably attractive 16:20
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
I can’t believe y’all would betray your team for some GUY 16:20
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Jennifer, I get that you’re a diehard Boston fan, but put yourself in Jane's shoes for a second 16:20
~Allison (+774-893-5354):if you were single, and Shane Hollander tried to pick you up, what would you do?? 16:21
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Say no! 16:21
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Exactly! 16:22
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): We’re not traitors like Jane 😠 16:22
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Jessica, I love you baby girl 16:22
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):But you didn’t know anything about hockey before dating St-Simon 16:23
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I still don’t TBH 16:23
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
And since you started watching hockey, you spend the entire time staring at your boyfriend 16:24
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Because I love himmmmm 😩 16:25
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Also he's my FIANCE. That's my soon to be HUSBAND 16:25
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Do you even know what Hollander looks like? 16:26
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Well… 16:26
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Not really… 16:26
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):He’s number 40 or something right? 16:27
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Sweetheart no 16:27
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
To be fair Jess didn’t know about Rozanov either when she started and he's, like, Boston royalty even for non-hockey fans 16:28
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
He’s like the best player in the league how do you not know this 16:28
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Oh wait, I think I know then! 16:29
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Is he the one that kinda looks like a Neanderthal? 16:29
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Huh???? 16:29
Jane: Neanderthal?? 16:30
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
NEANDERTHAL??? 16:30
Jane: You think Hollander looks like a caveman? 16:30
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
LMAO what 16:31
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
He kind of does though! With the messy beard? 16:31
Jane: Messy??? 16:31
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I don’t know which player you're thinking of, but it can't be Hollander 16:31
Jane: Do you all think that Hollander looks like a Neanderthal???? 16:32
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
NO 16:33
Jane: Is this a popular opinion? 16:33
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
DEFINITELY NOT 16:34
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I thought you weren’t attracted to him, Jane? 16:34
Jane: I wouldn’t call him a messy Neanderthal though! 16:35
Jane:That’s a really mean thing to say, I think it would hurt his feelings 16:35
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
He is though! The ginger guy? Allison, please, don't you remember? 16:36
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Girl WHO are you talking about 💀 16:37
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
You showed me a video of him! 16:37
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Yesterday! 16:38
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Who? 16:39
~Allison (+774-893-5354):OH MY GOD 16:40
~Allison (+774-893-5354):THIS GUY???? 16:40
Allisonsent an image:
16:40
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Literally who is that? 16:40
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Yeah! Is that not him? 16:41
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
THAT'S who you confused Hollander with? 16:41
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Allison said he was the best player! 16:41
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Yea on PHILADELPHIA 16:42
~Allison (+774-893-5354):For one SEASON 16:42
Jane: He’s not even a Voyager! 16:43
Jane:He's in a completely different division! 16:43
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Sorry! I'm still learning about this y'all 😭 16:43
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Then allow me to educate you 16:43
Vanessa sent an image:
16:44
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
That’s him? 16:44
Vanessa sent an image:
16:45
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
FYI Jessica he was voted “sexiest man in the league” by Cosmopolitan 16:45
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
VOTED!!! IT'S POPULAR OPINION! 16:46
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Wait I've seen him on Billboards before! For Rolex! I thought he was a model? 16:45
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
He should be lol 16:46
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Jennifer c’mon 16:46
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):If you were single, you would 16:47
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I would 😞 16:47
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
It pains me to admit it, but I would 16:48
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
We all would there's no shame in admitting it 16:48
Jane: Who’s we? I wouldn’t 16:48
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?? 16:48
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
YOU HAVE A TROVE OF HIS JERSEYS WHAT DO YOU MEAN 16:49
Jane: You can own a player’s jerseys without being attracted to them? 16:50
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
But Jane do you not have EYES? 16:50
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Are you BLIND? 16:50
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
The real reason Rozanov’s afraid to share his secret Jane: she's a ref 16:51
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
It’s okay Jane you can admit you like him, this is a safe space 16:51
Jane: You kicked me from the chat and called me a traitor an hour ago?? 16:52
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
That was before I understood your struggle 16:53
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I’d buy it if you had one Hollander jersey, Jane. The problem is you have SIX 16:53
Jane: He's the Captain of my team though! 16:54
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Okay?? That’s still too many 16:54
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Wait I don’t get it. Why would you go for Rozanov but not Hollander??? 16:55
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Yea it doesn’t make sense 16:56
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Especially if your parents are also diehard fans? 16:56
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Surely they’d be happier if you brought Hollander home? 16:56
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):He’s prime son-in-law material 16:56
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Rich, talented, handsome, well behaved, the captain of their favourite team 16:57
~Allison (+774-893-5354):What do you think they’d say? If you brought Hollander home? 16:57
Jane: I’m not sure how to answer that 16:57
Jane:Like what would they say if he showed up to their house unannounced? 16:58
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Weird way to interpret the question, but yes? 16:58
Jane: My mom would call it a pleasant surpise 16:59
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Because that’s totally a sane thing to say when Hollander comes to your house lol 16:59
Jane: Yeah 17:00
Jane:Isn’t it? 17:01
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
No 17:01
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Definitely not 17:01
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
lol no 17:02
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I imagine it’d be more than a ‘pleasant’ surprise at least 17:02
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Hollander wouldn’t make you do the whole long term no commitment hook up thing he’d probably just date you properly 17:02
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):(No offence btw not trying to judge what you and Rozanov have got going on) 17:03
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Hollander doesn’t seem like the no commitment type 17:03
Jane: He definitely is though 17:04
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Jane what’s wrong with you. Literally what makes you think that 17:04
Jane: He seems like the type 17:05
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Based on what? 17:06
Jane: Facts 17:06
Jane:And besides, what's wrong with no commitment? I like the thing me and Rozanov have going on. 17:07
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Wait guys, I looked Hollander up! 17:07
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): He’s so sweet 😊 17:08
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):He’s doing some charity thing with his old jerseys 17:08
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Awww 17:08
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):See Jane? He's adorable, just like you! 17:09
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
You'd be a cute couple 17:10
Jane: I'm so confused, you were ready to kill me for being a Metros fan an hour ago 17:10
Jane:And now you're trying to convince me to be attracted to Hollander? 17:10
Jane:Can we just stop talking him? It's getting really weird 17:11
Jane:Also we're all seeing people anyways so there's no point to this conversation 17:11
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
You can be in love and still have eyes and common sense 17:12
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
It’s fine he’s my hall pass Cliff says it’s ok 17:12
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
😆 17:12
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
He’s everybody’s hall pass 17:13
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Granted he’s Cliff’s pass as well lmao 17:13
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
like I said 17:13
Jane: Please tell me that "hallpass" means something else in Boston slang and not what I think it means 17:13
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Like if I could, and I did, it would be fine by Cliff if you know what I mean 😉 17:13
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Maybe it’s good that Jane doesn’t like him. I bet Jane wouldn’t be able to get a pass from Rozanov 17:14
Jane: But Cliff is straight? 17:14
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Being attracted to Hollander doesn’t mean you’re attracted to men, it just means you have eyes 17:15
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
All guys are a bit gay for Hollander 17:15
Jane: No they aren’t 17:15
Jane:Can we not talk about guys being gay for Hollander 17:15
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
*gasp* don’t be homophobic 17:16
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Yes they are 17:16
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Not Rozanov, probably 17:17
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Good point, Rozanov hates him 17:18
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
All guys EXCEPT Rozanov are a bit gay for Hollander 17:19
Jane: I can't even begin to explain how incorrect that statement is 17:19
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I agree 17:20
Jane: Thank you Kate 17:20
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
If Rozanov lets Jane keep the jersey on during sex he must be at least a little bit gay for him 17:21
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
TRUE 17:22
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
YESSSSSSSSS 17:22
Jane: I take that back 17:23
Jane:That’s not what I meant 17:24
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Too late 17:24
Jane: Wait question 17:25
Jane:Does liking Rozanov make a guy gay? 17:25
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
No he’s also on Cliff’s hall pass 17:25
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Are we sure he’s straight? 17:26
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
100%. 17:26
Type a message
November 25th, 2014 3:41 PM
Jane: Hey Mom? 15:41
Yuna Hollander: Hey Shane, what’s up 15:41
Jane: Have you and dad left yet? 15:42
Yuna Hollander: No, but we’ll be heading out in about 20 minutes 15:43
Jane: Can you please send me a photo of my old jersey collection 15:44
Jane: I need it for something 15:44
Yuna Hollander: The whole thing? 15:45
Jane: Just the newest tub is fine 15:45
Yuna Hollander:
Yuna Hollander: here 15:45
Jane: Perfect, thanks 15:46
Jane: Actually can you bring the whole tub? 15:46
Yuna Hollander: Why? What happened to your superstition about not wearing other players' jerseys? 15:47
Yuna Hollander: You feeling nostalgic? 15:47
Jane: No, I’m thinking of donating some of them since they're just sitting there 15:48
Yuna Hollander: Awwwww how sweet of you 15:48
Yuna Hollander: Sure thing baby 15:49
Yuna Hollander: Wait, we could go the extra mile and make this a charity fundraiser 15:50
Yuna Hollander: I’ll draft an announcement and make some calls 15:50
Jane: Also, I have a bit of a strange question 15:51
Yuna Hollander: 🥅 Shoot 15:51
Jane: 🏒 What would you do if I randomly showed up unannounced back home? 15:52
Yuna Hollander: 🙌🚨🙌 It would be a really pleasant surprise 🙂 15:52
Lily
November 25th, 2014 4:30 PM
Jane: Do I look like a Neanderthal? 16:30
Lily: Oh Hi Hollander! 16:30
Lily: Hello Rozanov, how are you doing? 16:30
Lily: Me? I am fine! Flight was good, thank you for asking 16:31
Lily: This is how conversation should start 16:31
Jane: Answer 16:32
Lily: No please? No thank you? 16:33
Jane: Answer the question 16:33
Lily: I do not know what Neanderthal is 16:33
Lily: It is sickness? You are sick? 16:33
Lily: You will not play today? 16:33
Lily: If I still come over after anyway will I get it to? 16:33
Jane: Is my beard messy? 16:34
Lily: You do not have beard 16:34
Jane: What about during playoffs? 16:34
Lily: The thing on your face during playoffs is not beard 16:34
Lily: It is abomination( 16:35
Lily: Why do you ask? 16:36
Lily: You feel ok? 16:36
Jane: Oh, never mind, ignore all of that 16:37
Lily: Is that it? You do not answer my question? 16:38
Lily: Wow what productive conversation 16:38
Lily: Goodbye was nice talking to you 16:38
Lily: Why thank you Rozanov, was nice talking to you to. 16:39
Lily: Hope you have good game, cannot wait to see you afterwards in my secret sex apartment 16:40
Lily: This is how conversation should finish 16:40
4:47 PM
Lily: Okay I have ask Google about Neanderthal 16:50
Lily: Yes you are just like Neanderthal 16:50
Lily: You are not educated 16:51
Lily: No manners 16:51
Lily: You make strange demand and grunt answer then leave with no goodbye 16:51
5:19 PM
Jane: Do you have sex with other men? 17:19
Lily: Oh hello again, how are you? Long time no see 17:19
Lily: What happen to no sexting before game? 17:19
Jane: This isn’t sexting, this is serious. 17:20
Jane: Please just answer the question. 17:21
Lily: Why 17:21
Lily: Are you cop? 17:21
Lily: Do you want all their names? 17:22
Jane: So there’s a lot? 17:22
Lily: Yes 17:22
Lily: Jealous?) 17:22
Jane: Oh thank god 17:23
Lily: Wait what 17:23
Jane: I was worried that I was your gay hall pass or something. It's good to know it's not just me. 17:23
Lily: What is gay hall pass 17:23
Jane: Like you’re straight but your gay for one person 17:24
Jane: But you like guys, so it doesn’t count 17:25
Lily: Is this common thing? 17:26
Jane: I didn’t think so but some of the Boston WAGs were saying that apparently I’m a lot of guys’ gay hall pass 17:26
Lily: Who 17:27
Lily: Which guys 17:28
Jane: I don’t have like a whole list of names, they just said a bunch 17:29
Jane: Are YOU a cop? 17:29
Jane: Wait 17:30
Jane: I just realized that you’re the only guy I’ve ever hooked up with 17:30
Lily: Really?)) 17:31
Lily: I am too good? 17:32
Lily: Ruin you for other men?))))) 17:32
Jane: Does that make you MY gay hall pass? 17:33
Jane: Am I straight? 17:33
Lily: Is this serious question? 17:33
Jane: Yes 17:34
Lily: You have too much sex with me to be straight 17:34
Jane: But Vanessa says that some straight guys have you as a hall pass 17:34
Lily: Let me redo 17:35
Lily: You enjoy choking on dick too much to be straight 17:35
Jane: Ok that’s fair 17:36
Jane: Also since when do you care about conversation ettiquiette 17:37
Jane: You are the rudest texter I know 17:37
Lily: I am wanting to learn 17:38
Lily: My English is poor so I start class. Hello and Goodbye is first topic. 17:39
Jane: Okay… 17:39
Lily: Be support and practice with me 17:40
Jane: You can't practice with the other Raider's because…? 17:40
Lily: What if my poor english makes team laugh 17:40
Lily: All respect gone! I cannot risk 17:41
Lily: Only you can help. You must practice with me or I will not learn 17:42
Jane: …Okay… 17:43
Jane: Goodbye, I hope you have a good game 17:43
Lily: HAHA LOSER TYPING GOODBYE IN TEXT CHAT LIKE OLD GRANDMA!!! 17:44
Jane: Oh fuck off 17:44
Lily: LET US POINT AT LAUGH!!!! 😆👉👉👉!!!!! 17:45
Jane: You are such a shithead 17:46
Jane: That wasn't even funny 17:47
Lily: 
Jane: Very mature 17:48
Jane: Did you edit that yourself? 17:49
Jane: I can't wait to fucking destroy you tonight 17:49
Lily: Destroy how?))) 17:50
Lily: Wait did the WAGs say there is Boston player who has you as hall pass gay? 17:51
Jane: Oh yea, Marleau apparently 17:51
Lily: Marleau?!((( 17:51
Lily: If Marleau offered would you fuck him? 17:52
Jane: No, it’s hard enough juggling one secret MLH hookup. Two would be very difficult 17:52
Lily: IS THAT ONLY REASON?? 17:52
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Well that was could have gone better 20:07
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
At least Jane's happy I guess 20:07
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Vanessa, I thought you weren't going to tell Marleau about Jane and Hollander, until after the game 20:08
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I didn't 20:08
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Weird, Marleau and Rozanov seemed to be at each other's throats all night 20:09
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Must've been about something else 20:10
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Yeah, I wouldn’t tell Cliff about Jane's jerseys Vanessa, they seem a bit pissed off at each other 20:10
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Oops! Too late 20:10
Type a message
Lily
10:37 PM
Jane: 
Jane: Who's the loser now? 22:37
Lily: Why am I getting told by Marleau that my Jane is traitor 22:37
Lily: He is telling me that I am going to loose my Jane to Shane Hollander 22:38
Lily: Why do you do this 22:38
Jane: It isn't my fault! 22:38
Jane: I'm a metros fan, so of course I’ll have a Hollander jersey 22:38
Lily: How is this not your fault 22:38
Lily: You are literally reason why? 22:39
Jane: It could be worse 22:40
Lily: It could not 22:41
Lily: They are clucking at me 22:41
Lily: My own team thinks I am chicken coward 22:42
Jane: Haha 22:43
Jane: Are you sure they aren't saying cuck? 22:43
Lily: Marleau says yes they are saying cuck 22:44
Lily: Does this also mean coward 22:45
Jane: Not really 22:46
Lily: I have searched up 22:46
Jane: 
Lily: Why 22:47
Lily: Why do you do this 22:47
Jane: You added me to the WAG chat 22:48
Lily: This is not fitting punishment 22:48
Lily: I know that during game players tell you to fuck yourself 22:49
Lily: You must understand this is not literal 22:50
Jane: It could definitely be worse 22:51
Jane: It could have been a Pike jersey 22:51
Lily: It could have been worse 22:51
Jane: It is okay, I can make it up to you when you come over 22:52
Lily: I am not sure you can 22:53
Lily: Will take lot a lot to make up for my hurt reputation 22:53
Lily: Do not know if you can keep up) 22:53
Jane: Is that a challenge? 22:54
Jane: Also, wait, why is the rest of Boston calling you a cuck because 'Jane' has Hollander jerseys? 22:54
Jane: All the WAGs also said Hollander was their hallpass? 22:55
Lily: WHAT 22:55
Notes:
Things I should’ve done this week: Memorize the 40 pages of content for my 40% final
Things I did this week: Lovingly (painstakingly) photoshop Shane’s name and number on 8 different hockey jerseys for the sake of 1 (☝️) visual gag
Also, I know next to nothing about hockey so if I’ve committed some cardinal sin when trying to portray Mr. Hockey Shane Hollander please please let me know 🙏
Thanks to all the nice comments on the last chapter, I hope you all enjoy 😊
Chapter 3: Clue #2: Jane's got CONNECTIONS
Summary:
Jane:
Good luck against the Orcas tonight
Lily:
This is what Raiders have come to?
Needing luck against Vancouver?
Jane:
Is the prank thing done?
You're all back to normal?
Lily:
We do not need luck against Vancouver
Jane:
Thank god
Lily:
We need fucking divine miracle
Do not thank God
Pray instead
But not for me, for rest of the teamNew Clues:
1. Jane definitely has industry connections
2. Jane’s kind of rich
New Theories:
1. She’s a superspy
2. She’s an agent
3. She works for Lululemon
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
November 30th, 2014
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Girls I’m so upset right now 😭 13:47
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):You’ll never believe what happened 13:47
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Oh no! 13:47
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):What happened? 13:47
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
sent an image:
13:47
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Girl, it’s just a pile of rags? 13:48
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
It WAS my jacket 😭 13:49
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
What happened?! 13:49
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Did you feed it through a wood-chipper or something? 13:50
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
You know how we’re dog sitting for Cliff’s sister? 13:50
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Ooooohhhh no 13:50
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Buttercup thought it would be sooo fun to play tug of war with it 13:51
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Nooooo! 13:51
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I’m so pissed off at Cliff though 13:52
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Like he was supposed to be fucking watching them 13:52
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):And then he’s all 13:52
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):“Oh, I thought it was a towel, you shouldn’t have left it out, we can just buy a new one” 13:52
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Ugh, why do mennnnnn 13:53
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):At least he’s replacing it though 13:54
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
That’s the thing though, he can’t! 13:54
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
WDYM? How expensive was the jacket??? 13:55
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
It’s not about the money 😭 13:55
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):It’s my Lululemon 2010 Olympic jacket, it was limited edition 13:55
Vanessa sent an image:
18:06
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Cliff and I have scoured the internet but we can't find any for sale 😭 13:56
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Which is so fair tbh they're so cute, I'd literally never fucking sell mine 13:56
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):And since it was mainly for a PR stunt they made, like, less than 100 total so the chance of finding a size 4 specifically is nil 13:57
Reactions: 💀2
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Oh nooo 🫣 13:58
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
That’s horrible! 13:58
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Like Cliff found two getting auctioned on eBay and one was a size 2 and the other was a size 8 13:58
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):And he was all, oh it’ll be okay you said you were trying to lose weight anyway 13:59
Reactions: 😮3
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Throw the whole man away ✋ 14:00
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Shut up he did not just say that 14:00
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
That’s not even the worse part 😭😭 14:01
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
There's more? 💀 14:01
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
It was autographed! 😭😭😭 14:02
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
NO! 14:03
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):By who? 14:04
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Tessa Scotts… 14:04
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
NO 14:04
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Jail to Cliff, life in prison no parole 14:05
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Death penalty, actually 14:06
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Oh…! 14:06
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):That's horrible! 14:07
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Not Jess acting like she knows who Tessa Scotts is 14:07
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
No, I'm sorry Vanessa 😔 14:07
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):But still!!! That's so sad! 14:08
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
She's an ice dancer, she won gold in 2010 Olympics 14:08
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
She's THE ice dancer 14:09
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
She's an icon, I'm her biggest fan 😭 14:10
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
As you should be, she's the greatest 14:10
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I saw her when I went to watch the games in Vancouver, and I didn't have anything to write on 14:10
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):So she signed the jacket on my back 14:11
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):It was such a fluke I still can't believe I was lucky enough to meet her 14:12
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Even if did manage to find another Olympic jacket in my size (which I won't!) the autograph is gone forever 14:13
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Ohhhh Cliff's sleeping on the couch tonight 14:13
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Cliff's sleeping on the couch FOREVER 14:14
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):He's not even fucking taking the blame for it!! 14:14
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Omg yeah, you said he watched Buttercup destroy it? 14:15
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
He wasn't paying attention and thought it was a fucking towel 14:16
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):LIKE HELLO? ARE YOU BLIND? SINCE WHEN DO TOWELS HAVE FUCKING ZIPPERS???? 14:17
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):And then he blamed me???? For leaving it out???? 14:18
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Like sorry to leave my jacket on the couch in the HOUSE THAT I LIVE IN 14:18
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Let's kill him, genuinely 14:19
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Sex ban! 😡😡😡 14:19
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
SEX BAN!!!!!! 14:20
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Not until he apologizes 14:21
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
AND replaces the jacket 14:21
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
He's not going to be able to tho 14:21
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
No, no, he better 14:22
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
There's gotta be one in your size out there somewhere! 14:22
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
If he wanted to he would!!! 14:22
Jane: Woah did something happen? 14:23
Jane:Sorry I have notifications off for this group-chat 14:24
Jane:I just got home from work and saw there were 65 new messages 14:25
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Jane!! You're here! 14:26
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
You won't believe what happened with Cliff! 14:26
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Scroll up in the chat, if I have to type it out again, I'll burst into tears 😭 14:26
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Oh, honey 14:27
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Kill Cliff!! 14:27
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Kill Cliff!!! 14:27
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Sex ban! Sex ban! 14:28
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Sex ban! Sex ban! 14:28
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Castrate the fucker 🔪 14:29
Jane: Tessa Scotts?! 14:30
Jane:That's horrifying I'm so sorry for your loss 14:30
Jane:Also, Jessica how did you not know who she is, she's literally Canadian royalty 14:31
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I'M NOT CANADIAN!!!! I'M FROM TEXAS HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 14:31
Jane: Yeah, Marleau needs to go 14:32
Jane:My mom has one of those jackets in red. She loves it with all her heart, she'd kill me if I ruined it 14:32
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
We're brainstorming ways to torment him! 14:33
Jane: Bro deserves to sleep on the couch for all eternity 14:33
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
We've already got sex ban, we need more ideas 14:34
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Put itching powder in his shirt! 14:34
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Or nair in his shampoo! 14:35
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Slash his tires! 14:36
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Love the enthusiasm Jessica, but maybe pull back a notch 14:36
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Hell nah, dial that shit up Jess! I like how you think 14:36
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
You want something with plausible deniability so he doesn’t think it's you pranking him. 14:36
Jane: Do something that'll make him look stupid during practice 14:37
Jane:Put a small piece of clear tape around the center of his skate blade so he'll trip and fall on his face during practice like an idiot 14:37
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
That's a good one 14:38
Jane: It's a locker room classic 14:38
Jane:Oh, oh! I have another one 14:38
Jane:Hide a piece of his gear so he's runs late to practice 14:39
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
This one's not as good 14:40
Jane: I'm not done 14:40
Jane:The night before, cut really small slits into the laces on his skates with scissors 14:41
Jane:That way, when he's rushing to tighten his laces at the start of practice, they snap so he has to relace them as his coach is yelling at him to get a move on 14:41
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I take back what I said 14:42
Jane: Just so you know, relacing laces takes ages so he's fucked 14:42
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Sadistic 14:43
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):I like it 14:43
Jane: If you can get time it so that it happens the first practice immediately after a crushing loss, the coaches meltdown will be excellent 14:44
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
OMG this is perfect 14:44
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):How come you never told us about what a conniving little genius you are? 14:45
Jane: Nah, I didn't come up with these, I've just seen them done on other people a lot 14:45
Jane:That’s the other thing, Marleau's first thought is that it'll be someone else on the team fucking with him, not you 14:46
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Excellent 14:46
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I'm guessing you had a lot of brothers who played hockey? 14:46
Jane: Something like that, yeah 14:47
Jane:Oh, take the end cap off his stick and fill it with water so that it's heavier. 14:47
Jane:Or, like, gravel or something. 14:47
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
I might do that one, actually 14:48
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Joshua forgot to separate out his colors (even though I reminded him like I have for the last THREE years) and he fucked up the whole load of laundry last week 14:49
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
You know what? Brad forgot to pick Jason up from daycare the ONE day it was his turn 14:50
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Jessica? Kate? Any trouble in paradise? 14:50
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):We can attack the boys from all sides in solidarity with Vanessa 14:51
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):I'd ask Jane but there's not really anything she can do from Montreal 14:51
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Yessss 14:51
~Allison (+774-893-5354):March with the head WAG! 14:52
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
It's just for a practice right? Like it's nothing too serious 14:52
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Sure, why not 14:52
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Connor made me entertain his mother on her birthday 14:52
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Let me guess, you two don't get along 14:52
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
She insinuated that Connor would divorce me as soon as we have kids, so I'd say so 14:53
Jane: What the actual fuck 14:54
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Yeah that's what I said 14:55
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
JeSUS 14:55
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I wanna join but Vicky hasn't really done anything recently 😔 14:55
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):I guess I'll put a rubber snake in his water bottle? 14:56
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Yessss 14:56
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Vanessa we ride at dawn 14:57
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
You girls are all so sweet 14:57
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): I already feel so much better 🥹 14:57
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Awwww 14:56
Type a message
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
December 8th, 2014
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Well that could've gone better 20:13
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I feel like I've seen you say that a lot the last few weeks 20:13
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
What's up with the team lately, why're they doing shit? 20:14
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Shit's a strong word 20:15
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Good, we're 7 games into this losing streak, I think it's high time to dust off the strong words 20:15
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):I fucking HATE how we're doing, how's that? 20:16
Jane: I think we have to come clean 20:16
Jane:Rozanov mentioned that the teams been going through a prank war 20:17
Jane:I'm pretty sure we kicked it off on accident 20:17
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
We come clean on nothing, Vanessa still hasn't gotten a proper apology from Cliff! 20:18
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
We stand with the head WAG!!! 20:19
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Where is your rage? Rise!!! RISE!!!!!! 20:19
Jane: Yeah, but it's getting out of hand if it's affecting the boy's game performance, don't you think? 20:19
Jane:Roz even said they might not make playoffs if it keeps up much longer 20:19
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Serves them right 20:19
Jane: Kate? What do you think? 20:20
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Normally I'd agree with you Jane, but the boys have been acting really obnoxious lately 20:20
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Oh yea, we were talking about this in person at the last home game, I forgot Jane didn't hear 20:21
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Yeah, they've been a real pain to deal with 20:21
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
We were floating the idea of a team-wide sex ban lol 20:22
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I feel bad about doing that though! 20:23
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
I don’t give a fuck, they're grown ass men 20:23
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):I love this team so I hate to say it 20:23
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):But if they can't smile and be civil to each other for the hour or so it takes to play a game then that's on them 20:23
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Hear hear!!! 20:24
Jane: Hockey culture is just kind of like that, though 20:26
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
And actions just kind of have consequences 20:26
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):No offense, Jane, I know you love hockey 20:26
Jane: It's okay, I get it 20:27
Jane:It sucks though, I hope they pull their heads out of their asses soon 20:27
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Same here 20:28
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Same 20:28
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
God, please 20:28
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Same 20:29
Type a message
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welcome to lululemon!
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
December 17, 2014 10:27 am
Hollander_Catalogue.pdf (9 KB)
Hi Shane,
It was great connecting with you last week. I appreciated the opportunity to chat with you and your mother about your goals, your season, and what this partnership looks like for you!
We'd like to formally welcome you to Lululemon's team of elite ambassadors! We're so excited that you've decided to join our ambassador group, and we are looking forward to building a meaningful partnership together.
To get started, we've put together a welcome package with some of our latest gear and popular staples. We hope that this will give you a feel for the brand and help you discover which pieces best suit your training, travel, and everyday routine. A full catalogue of all the pieces we plan to send has been attached, but feel free to suggest anything else that catches your eye!
As we discussed, we’ll stay closely connected on upcoming campaigns, product drops, and opportunities that align with your schedule. In the meantime, don’t hesitate to reach out if there’s anything you need or if there are specific items you’d like us to send your way.
We’re excited to have you on board and can’t wait to see what’s ahead.
Talk soon,
Jeffery Simmons
Head of Ambassador Partnerships
Lululemon Athletica
Re: Welcome to Lululemon!
[email protected]
[email protected]
December 17, 2014 10:30 am
Hi Jeffery,
I had a bit of a strange request, so feel free to shoot me down if this is inappropriate. Would it be possible to get one of your 2010 Olympic white scuba hoodies in a woman's size 4?
I get that it's not really something that you'll be advertising, but if you happen to have any lying around anywhere, it'd be greatly appreciated. I know someone who absolutely loves them, so it'd be a huge favour.
Thanks,
Shane Hollander
Hockey Player
Re: Re: Welcome to Lululemon!
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
December 17, 2014 10:47 am
Yuna_Catalogue.pdf (9 KB)
Hi Shane,
Given that Lululemon wasn’t selected as the official brand for Team Canada in 2010, I don't think we have an "Olympic" line of clothing wear. Did you mean our line for the "Cool Sporting Event That Takes Place in British Columbia Between 2009 & 2011"?
All jokes aside, we can certainly do that for you! I should mention, it was great to speak to your mother as well! I'm looking forward to working together with her in the coming years.
As a token of appreciation, we've also put together a gift box with some staples for her to try as well. The list has also been attached.
Let us know if there's anything else!
Cheers,
Jeffery Simmons
Head of Ambassador Partnerships
Lululemon Athletica
Re: Re: Re: Welcome to Lululemon!
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
December 17, 2014 11:12 am
Hi Jeff,
Thank you so much for your generous offer. I look forward to working with you as well! I'm very fortunate to have a son as thoughtful as Shane.
Just one thing to add, I'm a size 6 women's.
Best Regards,
Yuna Hollander
That wasn't for my mom
[email protected]
[email protected]
December 17, 2014 11:32 am
Hi Jeff,
Thanks so much. So sorry to ask, is there any way you could send me a second size four women's white scuba jacket for the "Cool Sporting Event That Takes Place in British Columbia Between 2009 and 2011"?
Also, please don't CC my mom on this
Thanks,
Shane Hollander
Hockey Player
Re: That wasn't for my mom
[email protected]
[email protected]
December 17, 2014 11:35 am
Hi Shane,
I'm so sorry. Your mother mentioned how much she loved her red scuba jacket during our meeting, so I'd assumed you wanted to get her a matching one
My mistake! We can definitely get you a second one. I'll have them hide it at the bottom of your box.
Apologies,
Jeffery Simmons
Head of Ambassador Partnerships
Lululemon Athletica
Lily
December 17th, 2014 1:41 PM
Jane: Good luck against the Orcas tonight 13:41
Lily: This is what Raiders have come to? 13:41
Lily: Needing luck against Vancouver? 13:42
Jane: Is the prank thing done? 13:43
Jane: You're all back to normal? 13:43
Lily: We do not need luck against Vancouver 13:43
Jane: Thank god 13:44
Lily: We need fucking divine miracle 13:44
Lily: Do not thank God 13:45
Lily: Pray instead 13:46
Lily: But not for me, for rest of the team 13:46
Jane: Oh no, what did they do 13:47
Lily: 
Jane: It looks better like that, you almost can't see the eye searing orange 13:48
Jane: Who did that? 13:48
Lily: They strike during optional practice, could be half the fucking team, I do not know who 13:49
Lily: But I will find them 13:49
Lily: I will find and I will kill 13:50
Jane: Is there any chance that you'll all call a truce and hold hands instead 13:50
Lily: You must understand, they attack my baby 13:50
Jane: Not even to protect your playoff spot? 13:51
Lily: They cover Natalia's beautiful custom detailing with eggs 13:51
Jane: Do all your cars have different names? 13:51
Lily: This is war 13:52
Jane: Just let it go! It's almost Christmas, don't ruin their holidays 13:53
Lily: They can enjoy Christmas with Christ I will send them up to meet him 13:53
Lily: No that is false, I will send them down 13:54
Lily: Whoever did this to my car will go to hell 13:54
Jane: Rozanov, please, just be civil for the sake of the game 13:54
Lily: I cannot make promises 13:55
8:43 PM
Jane: Well it's a good thing you didn't promise anything 20:43
Jane: 8 whole games 20:43
Jane: Congrats on the longest Boston losing streak since 1955 20:43
Jane: Please, you have to knock this off 20:44
Lily: I have bribed pretty security lady for CCTV footage of parking lot 20:45
Jane: Whatever you're planning please don't do it 20:45
Lily: It was Marleau 20:46
Lily: Tell Vanessa to treasure his last days and to not buy him gift for Christmas 20:46
Lily: He will not be alive to open 20:47
Jane: You're taking this too far 20:47
Jane: Even the soldiers in WWII struck up a truce for Christmas 20:47
Lily: British and Germans, yes 20:48
Lily: Not Russians 20:49
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
December 21st, 2014
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Guys I can't wait to get out nails done 11:43
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):I NEED to get out of the house 11:43
Vanessa sent an image:
11:43
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Rozanov fucking buried Cliff's car in topsoil and stole all his wheels so I had to listen to him rant about it for like an hour this morning when he was packing 11:43
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I feel that 11:43
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Victor stole all of Connor's clothes and replaced them with a convict suit 11:44
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):And TP'd our house 11:45
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
OMG, on Connor's behalf, I'm literally so sorry! 11:46
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Don’t apologize for them, they don't deserve it 11:46
Jane: That sounds horrible 11:47
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
It's just annoying, I had to clean up all the TP since Connor didn’t have any time before leaving for Minnesota 11:47
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
That sucks 11:48
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Like I love Brad with all my heart 11:48
~Allison (+774-893-5354):That is my man, my soulmate, my other half, my HUSBAND 11:49
~Allison (+774-893-5354):But I feel like sometimes he forgets that I'm not his MAID 11:49
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
It’s always the worst during Christmas 11:49
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):On the logical side, I understand that being in the MLH means that 99% of your time is devoted to hockey 11:50
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):But do you seriously not have the faintest idea of what to get your mom for Christmas? 11:51
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Not only do I need to buy it and wrap it and pretend that it's from both of us, but I have to figure out what to get too? 11:51
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Allision, I don't know how you manage with two kids at home 11:52
Jane: That sounds really rough 11:52
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Ugh why do mennnnnnnnnnnn 11:52
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Why are they all so horrible 11:53
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):I love our boys to death, but most of the MLH wouldn't last a second if it weren't for women taking care of them 11:53
Jane: Okay, that's not true necessarily 11:54
Jane:Plenty of players aren't dating or married 11:55
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Like Hollander, he's single and he's super successful! 11:55
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Yea, because his mommy does everything for him 🙄 11:55
Jane: No she doesn't? 11:55
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Who do you think manages all of those sponsorships and brand deals and stuff, definitely not him 11:56
Jane: Well, okay I guess that's true 11:56
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
And does he think of her or come home to visit? Even if he does, it's probably not often enough 11:57
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
He definitely doesn’t help her plan Christmas or anything 11:57
Jane: Do people usually help plan Christmas with their parents? 11:58
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Yeah, if they love them 11:59
Jane: Ok that’s a bit harsh 11:59
Jane:I guess I never thought about it before 12:00
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Wow, @Caitlyn, @Jessica that was really fun! 14:32
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Definitely 14:32
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
We should do a day sometime next month where we all get matching designs 14:32
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
OMG yessssss, that would be amazing 14:33
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT BACK AND YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED 14:34
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):GUYS LOOK AT WHAT CLIFF GOT ME 14:34
Vanessa sent an image:
14:34
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):IM ACTUALLY FUFCKING SHAKING OH MY GOD 14:34
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Omg he actually did it!! 14:35
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
I genuinely can’t believe he pulled it off 14:35
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE WHAT ELSE HE PULLED OFF 14:36
Vanessa sent an image:
14:36
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
OMG he got the signature printed on it, that's so cute 14:36
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
IT'S NOT A PRINT 14:37
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
No way 14:38
~Allison (+774-893-5354):That's actually her signiture? 14:39
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
IT IS!!!!! 14:39
Reactions: 🥳🙌4
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
👏🏻 if 👏🏻 he 👏🏻 wants 👏🏻 to 👏🏻 he 👏🏻 will!!! 14:40
Jane: Wow, I’m so happy for you 😊 14:40
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET HER SIGNATURE 14:41
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): And he got me flowers 🥰😘!! 14:41
Vanessa sent an image:
18:06
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Yesss!!!! 14:42
~Allison (+774-893-5354):I'm manifesting this for the rest of us as well 14:43
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Yes lol 14:43
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
God, I have seen what you have done for others 14:44
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Dear Santa, I've been a very good girl this year 14:45
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Damn, not sure if it was God or Santa, but somebody works FAST 14:45
Allison sent an image:
18:06
~Allison (+774-893-5354): I was literally sitting in the car texting y'all and when I walked to the front door I found this waiting for me 🥹 14:46
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Me next please 14:47
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Same here lol 14:47
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Woah 14:48
Caitlyn sent an image:
14:48
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
That's crazyyyy 14:49
Jane: Wow, that's so sweet 14:50
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Huh, that's…interesting 14:50
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Did you guys also get cards? 14:50
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Yea 14:50
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Yep! 14:51
Jane: What a fun surprise 14:52
Jane:What do they say? 14:52
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I got a really sweet message from Brad about how much he appreciates all the effort and that they'll knock off the pranks 14:53
~Allison (+774-893-5354):@Jennifer, @Jessica, check your doors did you get anything? 14:53
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Give me a sec, I'm heading home rn, I just got off work 14:54
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Same here, I got called into work so I haven't been home yet 14:54
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):OMG I got one too! 14:55
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):That's so sweet!!! 14:55
Jane: Aww I'm so happy for you all 14:56
Jane:They're really trying hard to show you all how much they appreciate you 14:56
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
That's definitely what the message is trying to convey… 14:56
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
That's so weird, I also got flowers and a message 14:56
Jane: I guess this means we need to come clean about the pranks, huh? 14:57
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
OMG yeah, I just realized that lol 14:57
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Wow, I completely forgot we agreed to that 14:58
~Allison (+774-893-5354):I guess so, thanks for remembering Jane 14:58
Jane: Haha, I also just realized that lol 14:58
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I dunno, should we come clean? 14:59
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Definitely!!! 14:59
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Sure… 15:00
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Yea ok, why not? 15:00
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Sprit of the holidays and everything 15:00
Jane: Yes, it's a bit like a Christmas miracle 🙂 15:01
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Ok, I'll text Cliff and tell him what happened 15:01
Type a message
Lily
December 21st, 2014 4: 13 PM
Lily: You sent flowers to all the WAGS? 16:13
Lily: Why do you do this 16:13
Lily: Oh, Vanessa is calling Marleau 16:13
Lily: IT WAS WAGS?? 16:14
Lily: WHOLE TIME??? 16:14
Lily: DID YOU KNOW???? 16:14
Jane: Sorry! 16:14
Lily: WHOLE TIME I AM BEING ACCUSED FALSELY AND YOU KNOW??? 16:14
Lily: HOW COME YOU SAY NOTHING??? 16:15
Jane: I couldn't, the WAGS were all sworn to secrecy! 16:16
Jane: And if I'm being honest, the other guys kind of deserved it! 16:16
Jane: They weren't appreciating the girls 16:17
Jane: Always asking them to manage their lives and never saying thank you 16:17
Lily: And? This is true for all WAGs, yes? 16:17
Jane: Well it shouldn't be! 16:18
Jane: Tell your guys to appreciate the girls more! 16:18
Jane: Who do you think's been cleaning the TP off of the houses!! And washing itching powder out of your mits!! 16:18
Lily: Ok, ok, I will tell, I will tell 16:18
Jane: Did you tell the guys to act cool about the flowers 16:18
Jane: Please they need to pretend that they sent them 16:19
Lily: Yes, they have agreed 16:20
Lily: They have promised to play along 16:21
Lily: And also to be nicer to girls 16:21
Jane: And tell Connors to buy his own mom a birthday present! 16:21
Lily: Ay, yes Hollander, please Hollander, anything you say Hollander 16:22
Lily: This is impressive 16:22
Lily: I have seen you on knees begging in tears and still I have never seen you so demanding and needy 16:22
Lily: Is there anything else you would like? A car perhaps? 16:22
Jane: I want you to win against Minnesota 16:23
Lily: Would you like cup as well while I am at it? 16:24
Jane: In your dreams, Montreal is taking it this year 16:25
Jane: Boston's going down 16:25
Lily: I do not understand you 16:25
Lily: So much effort to get Boston to playoffs, just to try and beat us? 16:26
Lily: It does not make sense 16:27
Jane: Montreal's gonna beat Boston while your on you’re a-game fair and square 16:27
Jane: Not because of some stupid prank war bullshit 16:28
Lily: Marleau has been complaining about looking for jacket replacement for weeks 16:29
Lily: In this time you sign deal with Lululemon and get brand new jacket with signature 16:29
Lily: Could not be easy to switch sponsors from Reebok 16:30
Lily: Why you do this? Is it for me? 16:30
Jane: How did you know I switched to Lululemon? 16:30
Lily: Your tits and freckles splashed across highway billboard 16:30
Lily: Very difficult to ignore 16:30
Lily: You should be more considerate, do not put such ads in places where people are driving 16:31
Lily: Had to swerve around four car pileup 16:31
Jane: Oh haha, very funny 16:32
Lily: 
Lily: Was not joke this actually happened 16:32
Jane: Were you okay??! 16:33
Jane: Also, I didn't know you had a dash cam 16:33
Lily: Was okay, swerve in time 16:34
Lily: Bought camera after team mates start stealing wheels 16:34
Lily: Still, lot of effort just to get jacket 16:34
Jane: I don’t know what you're talking about, I was going to switch to lululemon anyway 16:34
Lily: Did you want to see me during playoffs so bad? 16:34
Jane: Fuck off Rozanov, not everything's about you 16:35
Lily: Hmmmmm 16:36
Lily: Should I send you gift as well? 16:36
Lily: Show how I appreciate my WAG? 16:36
Jane: Please don't 16:37
Jane: I'm not your WAG, we aren't dating 16:38
Lily: If you say so… 16:39
A group chat called:Flower gate with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
Allison created a groupchat named Flower gate
Allison has added Caitlyn to the chat
Allison has added Vanessa to the chat
Allison has added Jessica to the chat
Allison has added Jennifer to the chat
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Ok so there's no way the boys actually wrote those letters, right? 15:05
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Definitely not 15:05
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
No way 15:05
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
What? 15:05
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
No 15:06
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Because I've been married to Brad for seven years, and I love him from the depths of my soul 15:06
~Allison (+774-893-5354):I know he appreciates and loves me as well 15:07
~Allison (+774-893-5354):But c'mon he would not write like that 15:07
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Like "I love and appreciate you, Allison, and I am so glad to have your support for my career in the MLH" 15:08
~Allison (+774-893-5354):First of all, Brad never uses the right form of 'your' 15:08
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Second, he's written me stuff before and if it was actually him it'd be something like what he wrote for my birthday 15:09
~Allison (+774-893-5354):"Ally your my rockstar. My rock because you keep me grounded, my star because you inspire me to shoot high." 15:09
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Oh, that makes sense 15:09
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):I can't believe I didn’t notice 15:10
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
You get used to these things after two kids, don't worry 15:10
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Agree, agree, Cliff doesn't write like that 15:11
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Also, I'm glad for the jacket and I'd like to believe that Cliff found it, but there's no way in hell he'd be able to keep it a secret 15:11
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):That man can't keep a secret to save his life 15:12
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):He'd burst in the moment he saw the listing to tell me 15:12
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Also, Connors totally didn't seem to know what I was talking about when I texted him 15:13
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Like, he very much did send a proper heartfelt apology afterward when he got off the plane 15:13
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Lol same here he wrote like a whole essay 15:13
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
And I'm glad we ended the strike against the boys and everything 15:14
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
So the question is, who sent them? 15:14
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Jane 15:14
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Jane 15:15
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I think it's Jane 15:15
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
I think it might be Rozanov? 15:16
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
It has to be Rozanov, how does Jane know where I work? And how would she copy Vic's signature? 15:16
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Huh? 15:16
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Wait, yeah you said you were going to work after we finished our nails, right? 15:17
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Have you gone home yet? 15:18
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I'm almost done walking back 15:18
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Wait there's a second bouquet here! 15:19
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Okay, I see what you guys were saying 15:19
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Vic didn't write this one 15:20
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Eww young love 15:20
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
You and Vic are so sweet it's gross 15:21
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
It has to be Jane, the English is too good to be Rozanov's 15:21
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
That makes sense 15:21
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):I don't think Rozanov could manage "Appreciate the tremendous support you've demonstrated for me throughout the years, despite the hardships we've weathered together" 15:21
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
And she did a horrible job of acting surprised if we're being honest. 15:21
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Aww that's so sweet, she put in all that work to get the guys to stop picking on Rozanov 15:22
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Do we tell Jane that we know? 15:22
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I think we do 15:22
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):She put in a lot of effort, she deserves to be thanked 15:23
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Ok 15:24
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Also, the BIG question 15:24
~Allison (+774-893-5354):HOW did Jane pull this together 15:24
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
THAT'S WHAT I'M WONDERING 15:25
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Because the jacket is, like, BRAND NEW 15:25
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):And Cliff was scouring the internet every day to find one 15:26
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Did she just have one form 2010 that she kept in pristine condition???? 15:27
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
She's got to have some ties to the industry, right? 15:28
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Maybe she works for Lululemon? 15:29
~Allison (+774-893-5354):And she got Tessa's signature that way? Like they promote athletes right? 15:29
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
So I checked online and they don't promote any figure skaters 15:30
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
They promote Shane Hollander, right? 15:30
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
But there's no way he and Tessa know each other 15:31
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
He also only signed with Lululemon, like, yesterday that's not enough time to build up enough rapport to ask for a favor like that, even if Hollander and Tessa did know each other. 15:32
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Maybe she free lances as a talent agent for different athletes? 15:33
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):It would kind of explain the travel and strange hours 15:33
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Yeah her hours are all over the place 15:34
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
She could still be a superspy 15:34
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
OMG yes 15:34
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Whatever she does has GOT to pay a lot though, there's no way the jacket and all the roses were cheap 15:34
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Maybe she broke into Lululemon HQ to steal it for you 15:35
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Maybe lol 15:35
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Also Cliff just spilled the beans (he really can't keep a secret) 15:36
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Rozanov told him that Jane put all of this together 15:36
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Let's see what she says 15:37
Type a message
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Hey Jane, we were just wondering 15:40
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Did Rozanov ever send you flowers? 15:41
Jane: No, but I live all the way in Montreal 15:41
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
But the boys sent us flowers from Minnesota 15:41
Jane: Oh, I guess I didn't think about that 15:41
Jane:Well, I'm not actually Rozanov's WAG or anything so I guess it makes sense 15:42
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Still, it's kind of rude of him to not send you anything. Maybe it means he doesn’t appreciate you 15:42
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Kinda seems like Rozanov doesn't really support women in that case 15:43
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
We should ask the boys to teach him a lesson 15:44
Jane: Wait no, please don't do that 15:44
Jane:I'm literally begging you please don’t do that 15:45
Jane:Everyone literally just stopped fighting like five minutes ago, please don’t do this 15:45
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Well Rozy deserves it for not respecting women 15:46
Jane: Rozanov totally supports women 15:46
Jane:Oh wow! I just got a bouquet too, what a crazy coincidence, it must have been a shipping issue 15:47
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Uh huh? 15:48
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Really? 15:49
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Send us a picture 15:49
Jane: Uhhhhhhh, sure just give me a second 15:49
Jane sent an image:
18:06
Jane:Wait why didn't it crop? 15:50
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Girl, you have to hit save on the image after you edit it 15:51
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
We're just messing with you Jane, we know you sent the flowers 15:51
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):And the jacket it was really sweet of you 15:52
Jane: I'm sorry for lying to you all 15:53
Jane:I just really wanted Boston to stop losing 15:53
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Is that really the whole reason? 15:54
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):You didn't feel bad at all that the boys were fucking with Rozanov? 15:54
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
You can tell us!!! 15:55
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):If we're the only people you can talk to about Rozanov we promise we won't judge you!!! 15:55
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
I might judge you a bit 15:55
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Not helping 15:56
Jane: Oh, ok fine 15:57
Jane:Yeah, I felt really bad since I told you about all those prank ideas in the first place 15:58
Jane:God it feels weird to admit this 15:58
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I'll shoot Jennifer if she's mean about it, I promise we won't judge 😊 15:59
Jane: It's just that me and Rozanov only see each other a couple of times a year 15:59
Jane:And if Boston doesn’t make it to playoffs that means that he won't come to play against Montreal as many times 15:59
Jane:And also he'll have to go back to Russia earlier, and I kind of get the feeling he doesn’t really like it there 15:59
Jane:Plus he always goes like radio silent and stops texting me so I just kind of wanted to spend more time with him 15:59
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Awwwww 16:00
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
AWWWWWWWWWWW 16:00
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Baby 16:01
Jane: It's weird and stupid, I get it, we're not actually dating or anything 16:01
Jane:Omg just forget I said any of that, I don’t even know why I said it none of it is true 16:02
Jane:I don’t like talking to him he's so immature the whole dumb prank war is proof of that 16:02
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Ok honey, if you're sure 16:03
Jane: I am 16:04
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I just wanted to say though, that you still spent a considerable amount of time and effort to support Rozanov and help out him and the team 16:04
~Allison (+774-893-5354):You may not be his girlfriend, but I feel like I speak for us all when we say we're glad you're here, so whatever happens, know that you're one of us and we've got your back 16:04
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Couldn't have said it better myself 16:05
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Guys I'm gonna cryyy 16:05
Jane: Thanks 16:05
Jane:Wow, I don't know what to say. You're all very sweet 16:06
Type a message
Lily
December 25th, 2014 1:42 PM
Lily: Thank you for helping 13:42
Lily: Was very cute 13:42
Jane: I don't know what you're talking about 13:43
LIly: Enjoy Christmas 13:44
Jane: You as well 13:45
Jane: See you in February 13:45
Lily: See you 13:45
December 27th, 2014 10:08 AM
Jane: 
Jane: Did you send me flowers? 10:08
Lily: Told you I would show how I appreciate my WAG 10:08
Jane: They've been sitting on my stoop for days! 10:09
Jane: What if someone saw? 10:09
Lily: This is why I do not send with full body nude picture of me 10:10
Lily: Relax, no one will know 10:10
Notes:
This Chapter summaried:
Spreading my feminist Shane Hollander agenda. That man drinks his respect women juice. He floats the idea of doing a WAG appreciation night and Hayden side eyes him like:
“Not that I don’t agree with you (I worship Jackie) but who TF taught you, a single man, what weaponized incompetence is?”
Also I’m finally finished all my finals!!! I’m free from the cold clutches of my undergrad!!! ALSO THANKS SO MUCH to everyone who liked the last chapter, you're comments were the only thing keeping me going frfr
Rejected Billboard slogan Ideas:
1. Tight fit, even when wet
2. Work hard. Shoot deepHockey Facts Sidebar (from someone who doesn't know anything about hockey):
- Sidney Crosby (The Hockey GOAT that Shane is lowkey based on) really is one of Lululemon's brand ambassadors
- The "Roses from Rozzy" prank is inspired by an actual prank that Marc-Andre Fleury did on a former teammates car: https://www.nhl.com/news/marc-andre-fleury-ends-prank-war-with-brandon-duhaime
Chapter 4: Clue #3: Jane's been seeing Rozanov for a WHILE
Summary:
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Wait so if you're 24 that means you started hooking up with Rozanov when you were 18?
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Omg babies
Wait ROZ'S ROOKIE YEAR?
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Doesn't that also make you the second longest running couple here?
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Oh shit, Kate's right
Even though you're not technically datingNew Clues:
1. Jane really shouldn’t drink too much wine
2. Jane and Rozanov have been seeing each other for 6 YEARS?
3. Rozanov tried to hook up with Jane in a bathroom at an unspecified work adjacent event???
New Theories:
1. Jane works for the Boston Raiders?
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
January 27th, 2015
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Who's up for Galentine's day!!!! 14:08
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I am! 14:08
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Me!!! Me!!! 14:09
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Are we doing that again this year? 14:10
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
If everybody votes for it 👀 14:10
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Count me in! 14:11
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Wait, what day? 14:11
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Dang, we probably should've asked first, huh? 14:12
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I was thinking maybe Saturday Feb 7th? Since you'll all be busy doing actual Valentines stuff on the 14th and there's a home game the 13th 14:13
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Up to you guys if you wanna do a different day though! 14:14
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Works for me 14:14
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Feb 7th is perf thx Vanessa! 😘 14:14
Jane: What's Galentine's day? 14:14
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Hi Jane!! 😊 14:15
Jane: Hey Jessica 🙂 14:16
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
It's only the best holiday in the world 14:17
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):I can't believe you haven't heard of it smh 14:17
Jane: My bad, is it like religious or something? 14:18
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Jennifer's just messing with you 14:18
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):It's like Valentine's day but you celebrate it with your friends instead of your significant other 14:19
Jane: Oh I get it now! 14:20
Jane:Gal Valentines? 14:21
Jane:What do you all usually do? 14:21
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
It's something different each year 14:21
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Last year we did spa day and brunch 14:21
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):I was thinking maybe movie night and drinks at my place this year? 14:22
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Not sure if anyone has any opinions on dinner 14:22
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Let's do a potluck! 14:23
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):I call dibs on the meats! 14:23
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I'm so down for this! 14:24
~Allison (+774-893-5354):I can make brownies? 14:25
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
I'm loving this 14:25
Jane: That sounds fun 14:26
Jane:Vanessa if you still need votes to make it happen, I also vote on behalf of the other girls 14:26
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Love you Jane! 14:27
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Jane you're adorable 14:27
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Is there any way you'd wanna participate? 14:28
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Maybe we could find a way to watch the move at the same time? 14:28
Jane: I can't sorry, I've got work that night 14:28
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Ewwww work 14:29
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Bummer :( 14:30
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
We could maybe reschedule? 14:30
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Wait, yea let's just do that 14:31
Jane: Oh don't please! I wouldn't be able to really do much with you guys anyways 14:31
Jane:Keep it on the 7th 14:31
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Well if you're sure… 14:32
Jane: I'm sure 14:33
Type a message
GlidesInYourDMs
@WINNERpeg
"Rink structural damage" THE FUCKING JUMBOTRON CRASHED INTO THE ICE???? HELLO????? #Glidehigh
MLH News @PuckNews· Feb 7
POSTPONED (2/7):
#GoHabsGo@#Glidehigh
- Rink structural damage, game moved to 3/21/2015
23.3K Retweets 924 Quote Tweets 72.1K Likes
HabitualVoyageur @HabitualVoyager · Feb 7
Replying to @WINNERpeg
Winnepeg's upper management, when they realize that the only way to beat Montreal is sacrificing their entire team for a disaster draft:
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GlidesInYourDMs @WINNERpeg · Feb 7
Replying to @HabitualVoyager
SMH, typical rabid Metro fans making shit up to slander the Gliders. No one was injured, dumbass. And even then, Management wouldn't fucking purposefully crash the jumbotron??? Are you crazy?
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HabitualVoyageur @HabitualVoyager · Feb 7
Replying to @WINNERpeg
"Glider's management so incompetant ofc they wouldn't be able to carry out an assassination" Is what I would say if Winnipeg fans could take a joke, but apparently y'all can't, so Imma shut my mouth
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A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
February 7th, 2015
Jane:Ok so freak accident happened at work today and I'm free for the rest of the night lol 20:13
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Oh no! 20:13
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Is everything okay? 20:14
Jane: Like a bunch of stuff broke but no one was hurt or anything 20:15
Jane:But yeah, I'm stuck in my hotel room for the rest of the night with nothing to do 20:16
Jane:And the coworker I usually room with isn't here because they messed up their ankle so I'm all alone 20:17
Jane:Is it too late to watch along with you guys? 20:16
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
You've actually got perfect timing lol 20:17
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):We were thinking of watching Pride and Prejudice 20:17
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Would you be down? 20:18
Jane: I haven't watched that one before 20:18
Jane:Is it good? What's it about? 20:18
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
HOW can you not know about it!!! 20:19
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
I think that's the first time I've see Jessica type those words 20:20
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Usually we're the ones telling her that 20:20
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Pride and Prejudice is a classic it's so good, you'll love it 20:21
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
It's the best!!! 20:21
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Jane, do you have access to the movie? It's the 2005 one on Netflix 20:21
Jane: I think so? Give me a sec 20:21
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
It's a love story set in Victorian England about these two characters: Elizabeth and Darcy 20:22
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Elizabeth's like really attractive and witty and sassy and outspoken 20:23
~Allison (+774-893-5354):And Darcy's is super rich and handsome, but also kinda awkward and not sociable 20:23
~Allison (+774-893-5354):So they kind butt heads at first but then they fall in love 20:23
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
There's more but we don't wanna spoil it for you 20:24
Jane: Sounds interesting, I'd be down. I found it on Netflix 20:24
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Okay, how about we both start playing the movie at exactly 8:30? 20:24
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Then we'll be able to watch it at more or less the same time 20:24
Jane: Sure 20:25
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Wait, Vanessa forgot to tell you about the drinking game! 20:25
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Oh yeah, we're doing a game as well to make it more fun 20:25
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Here's the list we're using, feel free to follow if you want! 20:25
Vanessa sent an image:
18:06
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
You should totally join us! It'll be so fun! 20:26
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Vanessa said to say no pressure tho 20:27
Jane: Fuck it, why not 20:26
Jane:My flight out isn't scheduled until like 4pm tomorrow anyway 20:26
Jane:The hotel's got beer as part of their room service 20:27
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Girl, get wine! It's Galentine's day! 20:28
Jane: Ok, will do 20:28
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Yay!!! 20:29
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
3 20:29
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):2 20:29
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):1 20:30
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):start! 20:30
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):We'll send a message each time we drink so you can join in the fun! 20:30
Jane: Thanks! 20:30
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Piano! I'm drinking 20:30
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Lydia and Kitty giggling, I'm drinking 20:32
Jane: I may have miscalculated when I agreed to this game 20:32
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Lol hopefully it's not like this the rest of the movie 20:32
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Piano again! 20:33
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Mrs. Bennett's nerves! 20:34
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I stand corrected lol 20:34
Jane: Oh no 20:35
Jane:Is it okay if I water my wine down with Ginger Ale 20:35
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
That's literally disgusting but whatever gets you through the night I guess 20:35
Jane: Thank you 20:35
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Lydia and Kitty Giggles! 20:35
Jane: How are we at five drinks when we're only five minutes in! 20:36
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Piano again! 20:36
Jane: This movie's two hours long 20:36
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Darcy on screen! 20:36
Jane: I've make a catastrophic error in agreeing to this 20:36
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
That's 7 in six minutes btw 20:36
Jane: Wait who's that guy next to Darcy, I didn't catch it 20:37
Jane:Was too busy pouring drinks 20:37
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
That's Mr. Bingley, he's the one they were giggling about at the start 20:37
Type a message
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A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
Jane: Is Wickham also interested in Elizabeth? 21:00
Jane:Does she end up with him or Darcy? 21:00
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Oh!!! Oh!! Jane hasn't watched it before so she doesn't know what happens!!! 21:00
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Jane! If you had to pick, who you would want to end up with? 21:01
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Darcy or Wickham? 21:01
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Ooooooh 👀 21:02
Jane: Can I pick Bingley? 21:03
Jane:I like him 21:03
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Omg of course you would! 21:04
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
You're literally Jane! 21:05
Jane: Huh? 21:05
Jane:Oh like the girl in the movie? 21:05
Jane:I don't like him because I'm Jane I just think he's handsomer 21:06
;:
Jane:He's got a nice smile :) 21:07
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Wait that makes sense! He kind of looks like Rozanov! 21:08
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
What? No he doesn't 21:08
Jane: No he doesn't! 21:09
Jane:Rozanov is way handsomer 21:09
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Awww 21:10
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):sent an image:
21:10
Jessica sent an image:
21:10
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Wait I kind of see it though
21:10
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Right? 21:11
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Like if Bingley was blond and had slightly more downturned eyes 21:12
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Kind of 21:12
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
I still can't see it 21:12
Jane: No! 21:12
Jane:Bingley's too goofy and he's kinda dumb 21:13
Jane:He's like if Rozanov got a lobotamy 21:13
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Mr Darcy on screen again! 21:14
Jane: Oh no I'm out of wine 21:14
Jane:Do I need to keep going? 21:15
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Like…the whole bottle? 21:15
Jane: Yea 21:15
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Girl are you downing your glass everytime you drink? 21:16
Jane: No???? 21:17
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
How have you finished an entire bottle? 21:17
Jane:We've been drinking every minute for the past fourty minutes??? 21:17
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Have you been drinking every single time? 21:18
Jane: I thought that was the point 21:18
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Oh noooooo 21:18
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):You were supposed to pick one from the list 21:19
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Like I'm doing Mr. Darcy, Kate's doing Mrs. Bennett's nerves, Jennifer's on piano duty, and Jessica's doing everytime Mr. Collins is weird 21:19
Jane: No one told me! 21:20
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
That's my bad I forgot to mention it 21:20
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
The list Vannessa sent says pick one on the bottom 21:20
Jane: Ohhhh 21:21
Jane:I stopped reading it when I realized I didn't know the names 21:22
Jane:I've just been following you guys 21:22
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Are you drunk? 21:23
Jane: Kind of 21:23
Jane:Do I win the game? 21:23
Jane:Or did I loose :( 21:24
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Movie drinking games aren't really the kind of game you win or lose tbh 21:24
Jane: Aw I like winning 21:24
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
You win by having fun Jane 21:25
Jane: I'm wining! 21:25
Jane:This is fun I like this movie 21:26
Jane:Can I keep playing 21:26
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Maybe just with ginger ale 21:27
Jane: No I don't wanna lose the game 21:27
Jane:I can get some more wine 21:28
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Ok but don't drink everytime or you might poison yourself 21:28
Jane: I'll drink when Bingley is on screen 21:29
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Haha Jane's got a type 21:29
Jane: No I don't? 21:30
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Really? 21:31
~Allison (+774-893-5354):So your dating history isn't filled with guys that look like Rozanov? 21:31
Jane: My dating history doesn’t have ANY guys 21:32
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Your hookup history then 21:32
Jane: Nope! 21:33
Jane:Just the one guy 21:33
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
WHAT? 21:33
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Why? 21:33
Jane: Idk I don't wanna date rn and Roz is all I need I guess 21:34
Jane:Piano! Jennifer! 21:35
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Thanks Jane 21:36
Jane: Your welcome :) 21:36
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
And can we circle back to you not seeing ANY other guys 21:37
Jane: I don't get it why are we circles? 21:37
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
You know that Rozanov's hooking up with a bunch of other girls right? 21:38
Jane: Doesn’t everybody? 21:38
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
So…like…doesn't that mean that you should be allowed to hook up with other people? 21:39
Jane: I'm allowed to I just don't want to 21:39
Jane:Yikes Darcy's proposal is going really badly 21:40
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
But don't you ever get lonely? 21:41
Jane: Sometimes 21:41
Jane:But hooking up with people is so hard!! 21:42
Jane:I'm not really social 21:42
Jane:Like idek how I would approach doing something like that 21:43
Jane:What if I'm like Darcy and I ask them and they start making fun of me 21:44
Jane:If I was ever brave enough to ask a guy to hook up and they told me that my 'selfish blah blah blah made me the last man in the world they could be prevailed upon to fuck' I'd die from shame 21:44
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Just do what you did when you started hooking up with Rozanov 21:44
Jane: IDK if that will work 21:45
Jane:It's been many years but no one else has started jerking off at me 21:45
Jane:I think that it was a flute 21:46
Jane:Flute 21:47
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
What do you mean 'Jerking off at you'? 21:47
Jane: Fluke 21:47
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Wait how many years 21:47
Jane: like 5 I think? 21:48
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
5????? 21:49
Jane: Is that too many? 21:49
Jane:My heads a bit woozy my math may be wrong 21:50
Jane:I'll put it in the calculator 21:51
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
JANE what do you mean jerking off at you? 21:51
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
JERKING OFF AT YOU? 21:51
Jane: 25 21:52
Jane:Wait that doesn’t make sense I'm only 24 21:52
Jane:Oh fuck I added when I need to subtract 21:53
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Jane answer the question!!! 21:53
Jane:6! 21:54
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
That's??? So long??? 21:55
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
JERKING OFF AT YOU??!!!! 21:55
Jane: Yea that's what I said why do you guys keep repeating it 21:55
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Because what do you mean??? 21:56
Jane: Like masterbating? 21:56
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
So you were living life and one day Rozanov randomly came up to you and just started touching his dick? 21:57
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):That's so strange 21:57
Jane: He wasn't JUST touching his dick 21:58
Jane:He was also staring at me 21:58
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
That doesn't make it less strange 21:59
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
What was the context of this? 21:59
Jane: He was asking to hook up 22:00
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
DUH but where were you guys? Like what were you doing? 22:00
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Lol Roz Comes up to Jane in a Trader Joes and says 'You pretty let us fuck' and whips his dick out 22:00
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Jane looks at his cart and it's just filled to the brim with boxes on boxes of condoms 22:01
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I don't think Trader Joes sells condoms? 22:01
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
They don't, Rozanov just Always has them on him 22:00
Jane: His dick was already out 22:02
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
THAT'S THE DETAIL YOU CORRECT??? 22:02
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
WHY WAS IT OUT 22:03
~Allison (+774-893-5354):WHERE would it have been appropriate for his dick to already be out 22:03
Jane: A locker room 22:04
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Yeah, but where was it out when you MET him? 22:04
~Allison (+774-893-5354):It's not like you were in the men's locker room so where were you when you met? 22:05
Jane: Right! 22:05
Jane:Not the men's locker room because I'm a woman and I'm not allowed in there 22:06
Jane:HaHA 22:07
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Jane please I'm literally begging you I need to know how this happened 22:07
Jane: Wait I have a fun game idea! 22:07
Jane:Guess! Whoever guesses it right wins! 22:08
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
You’re a doctor and you were giving him a check up? 22:08
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
You were at a nudist beach? 22:09
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Someone pulled his pants down as a prank and as the pants were coming down, you made eye contact from across the street and he decided to risk it all 22:09
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
You were playing a game of strip poker and Rozanov ran out of clothes so he started gambling sexual favors 22:09
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Did you accidentally walk into the men's bathroom? 22:09
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
That makes sense 22:09
Jane: Kate wins! That's totally what happened 22:10
Jane:100% 22:10
Jane:We met in a place where it made sense for us to be meeting 22:10
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
But bathroom where though? 22:10
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Like at a club? At a restaurant? 22:11
Jane: At work 22:12
Jane:Yay! Bingley's on screen! I'm drinking 22:12
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
And you didn't report him for sexual harrassment?! 22:12
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Wait, was HE also at work? 22:12
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Do you work for the Raiders or something? 22:12
Jane: No! No! 22:13
Jane:We weren't really at work 22:13
Jane:It was just this work-related thing we were both at 22:13
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
That's so vague 22:13
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
It's fine Jane, if you're not comfortable telling us we won't push 22:13
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Even though we really want to… 22:14
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Janeeeeee Kate's being mean to me 22:14
~Allison (+774-893-5354):She's kicking me under the table 22:14
Jane: Thanks Kate 22:14
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I got you girl, keep your secrets 22:14
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
On GALentines day wow so much for friendship 22:14
~Allison (+774-893-5354):JK 22:14
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Wait but how does the rest of the story go 22:15
Jane: Oh, so he started jerking off and I was like: 22:15
Jane:Dude we can't do that here 22:15
Jane:So he asked for my hotel room 22:15
Jane:And we hooked up after 22:15
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
And then you kept hooking up…for 6 years??? 22:15
Jane: Yea 22:16
Jane:Wow so much Bingley in this part I'm having so much fun guys 22:16
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
How far into your second bottle are you? 22:16
Jane: Like two glasses 22:16
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Are you feeling okay? 22:16
Jane: I'm great 22:16
Jane:I'm so good right now 22:16
Jane:And you cant even tell because when I type I focus really hard to get all the letters 22:16
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Because that's the type of thing a sober person types 22:17
Jane: Yes 22:17
Jane:Haha yes is easy 22:17
Jane:3 leeters 22:17
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Wait so if you're 24 that means you started hooking up with Rozanov when you were 18? 22:17
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Omg babies 22:17
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Wait ROZ'S ROOKIE YEAR? 22:17
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Doesn't that also make you the second longest running couple here? 22:17
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Oh shit, Kate's right 22:18
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Even though you're not technically dating 22:18
Jane: Me and Roz have been together a long time 22:18
Jane:But it feels short 22:18
Jane:We don't see each other much 22:18
Jane:I miss him 22:18
Jane:Its been months since the last game I havent seen him in so long((( 22:18
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Aw poor baby 22:18
~Allison (+774-893-5354):I just realized you won't see each other for Valentines day 22:18
Jane: I wanna see him 22:18
Jane:Its been so long 22:19
Jane:But I dont want to want to see him 22:19
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Even if you can't see him in person you could still exchange gifts? 22:19
Jane: That's a good idea! 22:19
Jane:I don't know what he wants though 22:19
Jane:I don’t really know him that well 22:19
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Surely you've picked up some stuff in the 6 years you've known each other 22:19
Jane: We weren't talking all the time 22:20
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Just hooking up? 😏 22:20
Jane: Yeah! 22:20
Jane: And not even that for a bit! he was a total jerk about it 22:20
Jane:The texting is new 22:20
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
What do you mean he was a jerk? 22:20
Jane: Like the first time after I let him fuck me he wouldn't text me for like months!!! 22:20
Jane: And I was like, was that all you wanted? 22:21
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
What the fuck? 22:21
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
What?!!! 22:21
Jane: But apparently not because we're texting and hooking up now 22:21
Jane:I like the texting 22:21
Jane:Talking to Rozanov is fun 22:21
Jane:I should text him! 22:21
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
NO! 22:21
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
YESSSSS!!!!! 22:21
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Do it and tell him he's an asshole 22:22
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I don't think that's a good idea right now 22:22
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
If you text him, tell us what he says 22:22
Jane: You guys are being confusing 22:22
Jane:Ill ask him what he thinks 22:22
Jane:Wait hes texting ME! 22:22
Jane:Woah he read my mind that’s so cool 22:23
Type a message
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
Jane:He says I can text him!!! 22:30
Jane:I'm going to go do that now 22:30
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Lol what else did he say 22:30
Jane: To finish drinking the second bottle 22:30
Jane:And have a buncha water 22:30
Jane:My stomache kinda hurts 22:30
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Drinking two bottles of wine will do that 22:30
Jane: Woah do you know because you drink wine professionally 22:30
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
What? 22:30
Jane: Rozzy said you like smelly wine 22:30
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Huh? 22:31
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Ooohhhhh, I'm taking a sommelier course 22:31
Jane: whassat 22:31
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Vanessa, for reference: this is what having a toddler is like 22:31
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Man so Rozanov's a pushy boyfriend AND an enabler 22:31
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Jane you're so sweet, I think you can do better 22:31
Jane: He's not by boyfriend 22:31
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
He sounds mean! 22:31
Jane: I like him!!!! 22:31
Jane:I like that he's not a boyfriend 22:32
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Jane its giving Stockholm Syndrome 22:32
Jane:Boyfriends are too much effort 22:32
Jane:Roz is easy and simple we talk and we fuck 22:32
Jane:Its so fun 22:32
Jane:His dick's like 9 inches long 22:32
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
HELL YEA!! 22:32
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Get it girl! 22:32
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
OUCH? 22:32
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Doesn't that hurt? 22:33
Jane: Its so good 22:33
Jane:Hes soo strong 22:33
Jane:WAIT ROZ LIKES TO FUCK!!! 22:33
Jane:I know what to get him for Valentines day 22:33
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Oooo! What are you getting 👀 22:33
Jane: Secret :) 22:33
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
The average cervix is only about 6 inches 22:33
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):I feel like 9 inches would definitely give you some type of cervical bruising 22:33
Jane: No! 22:33
Jane:No cervical injury! 22:33
Jane:I wear a helmut and shoulder pads 22:33
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Girl wuuuuut? 22:34
Jane: No puck gonna get ME hehe :) 22:34
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Jane not a cervical spine injury 22:34
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Like bruising your cervix 22:34
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Woah Jane do you play hockey? 22:34
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Jane's from Montreal, she breathes hockey 22:34
Jane: Whats a cervix 22:35
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Oh, honey 22:35
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460): sent an image:
22:35
Jane: What am I looking at? 22:35
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
The reproductive system? 22:35
Jane: Why's this dude's dick so high up 22:35
Jane:I don't this its supposed to be there 22:35
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
It's a FEMALE reproductive system 22:35
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):This is your cervix 22:35
Caitlyn sent an image:
22:35
Jane: I don’t think I have one of those? 22:36
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
You definitely have one 22:36
Jane: But I haven't seen it 22:36
Jane:Is there a way I can check? 22:37
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I think you should probably go to bed Jane 😂 22:37
Jane: But the movies still going 22:37
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Ok lets finish the last, like 5 minutes and you can go to bed 22:37
Jane: OK! 22:37
Jane:Wait are Elizabeth and Darcy getting together 22:37
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
That's the whole point of the movie Jane 🤦♀️ 22:37
Jane: Wait that's so sweet 22:37
Jane:Her family's so cool about it 22:38
Jane:I'm gonna cry 22:38
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Why would her family not be cool about Darcy's, he's filthy rich 22:38
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
AND handsome 22:38
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I'd be estatic if my daughter married someone like Darcy 22:38
Jane: But they think they hate each other! 22:38
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
But they don't 22:38
Jane: Yeah but her family doesn’t know 22:38
Jane:But they still accept them 22:39
Jane:They don’t care that elizabeth used to hate him 22:39
Jane:They just want her to be happy 22:39
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I guess it's kind of sweet? 22:39
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):I never thought too much about it 22:40
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
I think you might be reading too much into this 22:40
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): It's not that big of a deal 22:40
Jane: My parents would flip if they found out about me and Roz 22:40
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Or maybe you're reading the exact right amount and it is a big deal? Who's to say? We don't judge 22:40
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
(Vanessa's glaring at me)
22:40
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Oh baby 22:40
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
You never know until you tell them 22:40
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Yeah it might be okay! 22:40
Jane: Even you guys don't want me and Roz together and you don’t even know me 22:40
Jane:AND you like the Raiders 22:40
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
We just think he could treat you better 22:41
~Allison (+774-893-5354):But you should do what makes you happy Jane 22:41
Jane: Rozanov makes me happy 22:41
Jane:Even if he sometimes makes me sad 22:41
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Awwww 22:41
Jane: I'm gonna throw up 22:41
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Ewwwww 22:42
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Are you ok???? 22:42
Jane: Yay my stomach doesn’t hurt as much anumore 22:42
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Yikes 22:42
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Anything we can do to make you feel better? 22:42
Jane: No 22:42
Jane:I miss him 22:42
Jane:WAIT I was supposed to text him! 22:42
Jane:He told me I should 22:43
Jane:Ill go do that 22:43
Type a message
Lily
10:43 PM
Jane: HI 22:43
Jane: I'm back they said I could text you 22:43
Jane: Oh wait I was already texting you 22:43
Jane: Shhhh don't tell the girls I was texting you before they said I could 22:43
Lily: I think they know 22:44
Jane: Did you tell them? 22:45
Lily: No but I think you did 22:45
Jane: Shhhh they will never know 22:46
Jane: Our little secret 22:46
Lily: Ok I will be hush hush 22:46
Lily: Do you feel ok 22:47
Jane: My stomach hurts a bit 22:47
Lily: You should throw up 22:48
Lily: Will feel better after 22:49
Jane: Woah that’s what I just did 22:49
Jane: Can you read minds 22:49
Lily: Yes 22:49
Lily: I am magic man of many talents 22:50
Jane: Dude guess what I'm getting you for valentines 22:50
Lily: You are gettting me something?)) 22:51
Lily: I mean 22:52
Lily: I know you are getting me gift because I read your mind 22:52
Jane: Woahh 22:53
Jane: Guess 22:54
Lily: Abrakadabra 22:54
Lily: Sexual favors? 😉 22:54
Jane: Woah so magic 22:54
Jane: That must be hard 22:55
Jane: heh hard 22:56
Lily: It is easy because I am the best 22:56
Jane: Oh wait someone is knocking at the door 22:56
Lily: Do not open it 22:57
Jane: Guess who's behind it 22:58
Lily: It is probably someone on your team 22:58
Lily: Do not say something you will regret 22:58
Lily: Or else you will embarrass LILY 22:58
Lily: That is me I am LILY 22:58
Jane: Oh hey you were right1 its JJ hes says hes aiawifoaweiosfhsflksaj1234-0S 22:59
Lily: Shane? 23:00
Jane: Hello? 23:01
Jane: Is this Boston Lily? 23:01
Lily: Hi yes who is this 23:01
Jane: Ayo this is Boizeau 23:02
Jane: Why isaqwwwwfefkx 23:03
Lily: Hello? 23:03
Jane: HES TRYING TAKE MYH PHOEN 23:03
Jane: fawijo 23:04
Jane: 
Jane: p m, jj jeoa ,lllll;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; 23:04
Jane: HELP ME 🙂😔🍼💀🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒 //\ 23:05
Lily: Shhhhhhhhh let it happen Shane 23:05
Jane: Boizeau is back bois!!! 23:06
Lily: Welcome back 23:07
Jane: Why is Shane drunk and sobbing while watching Pride and Prejudice 23:07
Lily: Can a man not appreciate art? 23:08
Jane: Hes 23:09
Lily: Yes? 23:09
Jane: Gimme a sec he keeps trying to take the phone back 23:10
Jane: Ok I've made him take a shower 23:10
Jane: He's like totally wasted 23:10
Lily: He's had two bottles of wine 23:10
Jane: Why? Did something happen 23:11
Jane: Shane's not usually like this 23:12
Lily: What? You do not know? 23:12
Lily: Shane drinks all the time 23:13
Jane: No he doesn’t 23:13
Lily: Yes he does 23:13
Jane: He never goes out drinking with the team 23:13
Lily: Because he is a huge crier 23:14
Lily: Get's all emotional 23:15
Lily: It is why he's crying now this is proof 23:15
Jane: Woah 23:16
Jane: I can't believe he never told us 23:17
Lily: It is really sensitive topic for him 😔 23:17
Lily: Boys on his U18 team bully him for this 23:17
Lily: They call him Hollering Hollander 23:18
Jane: Really? 23:19
Lily: Yea Really 23:20
Lily: He does not want to loose respect of MLH team so he keeps it secret 23:21
Lily: You can trust me I know him very well 23:21
Lily: He gets very sad and sentimental after we have sex 23:22
Lily: He also cries during sex 23:23
Jane: Does he? 23:23
Lily: Yes yes he does 23:24
Jane: What else does he do 23:24
Lily: Has whole pre-sex ritual, just like game one 23:25
Lily: Left sock off before right sock and everything 23:25
Jane: Wow that sounds just like him 23:26
Lily: Because it is true 23:27
Lily: One time I take socks off for him 23:27
Lily: Because I am very into his feet you must understand 23:27
Jane: He does have NICE feet 23:28
Jane: Like his toenails are so round 23:28
Lily: Such interesting things you say 23:29
Lily: I'm the one who does them 23:29
Lily: So I will take this as compliment 23:29
Jane: Bro are you like an estheticienne 23:30
Lily: Yes! I am what that word is 23:31
Jane: I had an ex that was an etheticienne 23:31
Lily: Wow good for you 23:32
Jane: Sry idk what etheticienne in english is 23:31
Lily: I do not know either! Is ok 23:32
Lily: But one time I take socks off for Shane and he could not get it up 23:32
Lily: He had to put on both socks again and then take them off 23:33
Jane: No because that happened to me! 23:33
Jane: Not the sex part of course 23:34
Jane: But one day I was handing him skates because they ended up in the wrong stall somehow 23:34
Jane: And I handed him the right first 23:34
Jane: And he was in a strange headspace all game 23:35
Jane: He took off both his skates and then made me hand them back to him the right way before the start of the third period 23:36
Jane: And then scored two goals!! 23:37
Lily: You see? 23:38
Jane: Hey I have a question about nails 23:38
Jane: I've got this ingrown toenail that keeps coming back what should I do 23:39
Lily: Wait for full moon and put foot in honey and vinegar 23:40
Jane: Does it have to be full 23:40
Lily: New and half are okay but not as good 23:41
Jane: Good to know 23:41
Lily: You are welcome :) 23:41
Jane: You're kinda dope I like you 23:42
Jane: Be nice to my boy Hollzy ok don't break his heart 23:42
Lily: Do not worry 23:43
Lily: We are very in love 23:44
Lily: We will run away and get married 23:45
Jane: Yoooo actually? 23:46
Lily: Shhhhhh it is secret do not tell team 23:46
Jane: Ok ok 23:46
Jane: Wait are we invited 23:46
Jane: Can I be like a groomsman or something 23:47
Lily: Only if you promise to not tell team 23:48
Jane: Shiiiiit I needa tell Hayden tho he'll wanna be best man 23:48
Lily: Fine only Hayden 23:49
Jane: Whens it happening 23:50
Lily: Next week 23:50
Lily: Needs to be soon I am pregnant 23:50
Jane: SHANES GOING TO BE A DAD?????? 23:50
Jane: WOAHHHHHH papa Shaneee 23:51
Lily: Yes he is very excited 23:52
Lily: I am having twins 23:52
Jane: JUST LIKE HAYDEN 23:53
Jane: HAYDENS GONNA FLIP BRO!!!!! 23:53
Jane: This is big news I'm gonna tell the rest of the team RIGHT NOW 23:54
Lily: Do not! Will ruin Shane's surprise 23:55
Lily: Shane does not want to announce before playoffs he thinks this is bad luck 23:55
Jane: Shit ok I wont say anything 23:56
Lily: We have one boy and one girl 23:56
Lily: Shane wants to name boy Stanley and girl Byng 23:56
Jane: Yo those are solid names 23:57
Jane: I always though Vezina would be a good girls name 23:57
Jane: Hey wait a second 23:58
Jane: I've seen Shane drunk! 23:58
Jane: After he won the Hart and Hunter got him fucking plastered 23:59
Jane: He didn't cry one bit! 00:00
Jane: Are you fucking me right now? 00:00
Lily: No I have good explanation for this 00:01
Jane: Wait what is it? 00:02
Lily: You are very gullible 00:02
Jane: So you were lying! 00:03
Lily: No shit dumbfuck 00:03
Lily: Was so obvious 00:04
Lily: I cannot see how you believe any of it 00:05
Jane: Wait so it was all lies? 00:06
Jane: Not just the drinking thing? 00:06
Jane: Aw man I was so excited about the honey and vinegar trick 00:07
Jane: Do you think it might work? 00:08
Lily: You can try 00:09
Lily: What is worst that can happen? Track ants in your house? 00:09
Jane: Sick I'll do it 00:10
Lily: Tell Shane to tell me how it goes I want to know 00:10
Jane: Niceeee 00:10
Lily: I'm telling Shane that you think he has nice toenails)) 00:11
Jane: No need I've told him 00:11
Jane: He thinks it’s a vitamin thing 00:12
Jane: Hey youre an interesting girl 00:12
Lily: You are FASCINATING man 00:13
Jane: And you've been with Shane a while right? 00:14
Jane: Some of the other players girls have a groupchat 00:15
Jane: Would you be interested in joining? 00:16
Lily: The Montreal WAG chat? 00:16
Lily: YES. PLEASE 00:17
Jane: Nice I'll ask Shane he's just finished showering 00:18
Lily: Nononoononon don't ask him he'll say no 00:18
Lily: Add my contact 00:18
Lily: Do it now 00:19
Jane: Are you sure? I don't wanna piss of Sha 00:20
Lily: Boizeau? 00:21
Jane: I'm back now J.J's gone 00:21
Jane: Your not allowed in the Montreal wag chat 00:21
Lily: WHY NOT 00:22
Jane: Youre nothing but trouble 00:22
Lily: THIS IS UNFAIR 00:23
Jane: I left you alone with JJ for 10 minutes and you tell him I'm an alcoholic that cries during sex! 00:23
Lily: I want to distract him! 00:23
Lily: The more time he spend talking to me the less he spend scrolling up incriminating chat 00:24
Jane: Wait that makes sense 00:24
Jane: Thanks 00:25
Lily: You are welcome) 00:26
Jane: Wait how do I know if I have a cervix 00:26
Lily: Go to sleeep Go to sleeeep Go to sleeep little Hollzy 00:27
Jane: Good night :) 00:27
Lily: Good night) 00:27
Expedia flight purchase confimation - Boston, MA, United States - Sat February 22nd
[email protected]
[email protected]
February 7th 10:27 PM
Itenerary.pdf (9 KB)
Receipt.pdf (9 KB)
Thank you, Shane! Your flight is booked.
Itenerary #72682347408048
February 22nd, 2015 - 3:45 am to 7:22 am (14h 37m, 2 stops)
Winnipeg (YWG) to Toronto (YYZ) (2h 28m)
Layover: (7h 2m)
Toronto (YYZ) to New York (LGA) (1h 45m)
Layover: (10m)
New York (LGA) to Boston (BOS) (1h 22m)
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
February 8th, 2015
Jane: I apologize for my actions last night 19:08
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
JANE!!! You're still alive! 19:08
Jane: I'm never drinking again 19:08
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Lol 19:09
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Did you have fun chatting with Rozanov? 19:10
Jane: I think I had a bit too much fun 19:10
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
No such thing as too much fun! 😉 19:11
Jane: I have a bunch of random charges on my credit card that I think may have been valentines related 19:12
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
oooo Rozanov's Valentines day present? 19:12
Jane: I think so 19:13
Jane:I must've mistyped my email though I don't know what any of this stuff is 19:13
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
It'll be a surprise! 19:14
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Look out for any strange packages showing up in the next week lol 19:14
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
You should call the bank to see if there's anything they can do 19:15
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Was it something crazy? 19:16
Jane: Well the presents, no, it was only like $80 19:16
Jane:I'm genuinely curious to see what I got 19:17
Jane:I don't remember what it was, just that I was really proud of my idea 19:17
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
That's not so bad 19:18
Jane: What WAS crazy is that I apparently also bought flight tickets? 19:18
Jane sent an image:
18:06
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
From Winnepeg? 😂 19:19
Jane: I think I searched up 'Flight to Boston' and Google just used my location data??? 19:19
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Are you gonna go? 19:19
Jane: NO!! 19:20
Jane:I don't live in Winnipeg!! 19:21
Jane:I'm not flying from Montreal to Winnipeg so I can take a 14 hour flight at 3am to Boston???? 19:21
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
14 hours???? 19:21
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Are you doing a pitstop in Mexico what the fuck? 19:22
Jane sent an image:
18:06
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
The seven hour layover in Toronto 💀 19:23
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Isn't the DRIVE from Montreal to Boston only like 6 hours? 19:23
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Haha you sure you don't wanna go anyway? 😂 Surprise Rozanov on Valentines day? 19:23
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
The tickets are for February 22nd 😭 19:23
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
JANE! 19:24
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
You paid for first class and they won't let you get a refund? 19:24
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
GOD DAMN HOW MUCH WERE THESE FUCKING TICKETS???? 19:25
Jane: More than I'm willing to admit 19:25
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Call Expedia 19:26
Jane: I DID!! I've been on the phone with them all morning 19:26
Jane:But they say there's nothing they can do! 19:26
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Are you sure? 19:26
Jane: I think it would have been fine if I just called normally 19:27
Jane:But I woke up late so I needed to rush to the airport 19:27
Jane:And so I'm whispering to the Expedia lady over the phone while I'm in the airport because I don’t want my other coworkers to hear 19:28
Jane:And my buddy keeps coming over to check on me cause he found me wasted yesterday 19:28
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Oh Jane…. 19:29
Jane:And I keep panicking and hanging up the phone 19:30
Jane:AND NOW THEY WONT PICK UP MY CALLS 19:30
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
That sounds like a nightmare 😭😭💀` 19:30
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Email them? 19:31
Jane: Wait I should've just done that 19:31
Jane:Thanks Kate 19:32
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I'm sorry we got you so drunk 😂 19:32
Jane: I regret every decision I've ever made 19:33
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I take it you wouldn't be down to join us for Galentine's next year? 19:34
Jane: No it was fun! 19:34
Jane:I think I just won't drink anything next time though 19:35
Type a message
Lily
February 13th, 2015 3:02 PM
Lily: I got your present)) 15:02
Jane: Huh? 15:02
Jane: What are you talking about? 15:03
Lily: 
Lily: There is note 15:04
Lily: "To Rozzy with love I miss your dick so so much it's probably much longer than Mr Bingley's you can use this to pretend that I have your dick its got a remote and would make me very happy xoxoxo happy Valentines frm Montreal Jane" 15:04
Jane: OH NO I sent it all to your place 15:04
Lily: It has a remote 15:04
Lily: 
LIly: What a shame 15:05
Lily: Will have to wait a long time to use it together( 15:06
Shane: Oooooh I was wondering why I bought tickets 15:06
Lily: You come to Boston))))? 15:07
Shane: No I returned the tickets 15:07
Lily: No fun 15:07
Lily: We could wait or…... 15:08
Lily: I mail you plug and keep remote??)) 15:09
Shane: Don't that's weird 15:09
Lily: What's you mailing address 15:10
Shane: XXX-XXX 15:11
Lily: Sent))) 15:12
Shane: Thanks 15:13
Lily: See you February 22nd! 15:13
Shane: Wait, what? 15:13
Shane: Fuck we have a game 15:13
Shane: YOU'LL BE IN MONTREAL 15:13
Lily: You forgot? 15:13
Notes:
This Chapter summaried:
The main impression that I get from JJ I the show is that he’s ride or die but he also SPOILERS FOR THE LONG GAME: suspects Shane of tripping on purpose. That being said Shane makes up with him and none of the rest of the team.I personally head cannon him as being someone who would die for Shane but is also a gullible guy who believes anything at the drop of a hat. Like don’t send him a phishing scam because he WILL click on it.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE KIND COMMENTS YOU ALL GIVE ME LIFE mwah mwah mwah!!! This chapter was so fun to write!!! I hope you all enjoy!
Hockey Facts Sidebar (from someone who doesn't know anything about hockey):
- The Jumbotron really did crash on the Sabre’s ice before a game in 1996 (where the image was taken from)
- The Disaster Draft is an NHL contingency plan if five or more players get "killed or disabled" where the team gets to select players from other NHL teams
- The Hart, Byng, and Vezina are all trophies that the NHL gives out
Chapter 5: Clue #4: Jane's SO BUSY in May
Summary:
Jane
I'm curious to see what you think professional means though
Only ONE unsolicited dick pick a week?
How will you cope?
Lily
Dear Mr Hollander, I look forward to engage in fun sportmanship game of hockey tonight. I wish best for both teams. - Mr. RozanovNew Clues:
1. Jane doesn’t know a lot about fashion
2. Jane is REALLY busy from May to June
New Theories:
1. Jane isn't a model
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
April 11th, 2015
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
HELLL YEAAAA 17:43
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):2-1 win against Philidelphia!!! 17:43
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):That brings the Raiders up to 99 points!!! 17:43
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
That should be enough for playoffs, right?????!!! 17:44
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
The reigning champs are returning to playoffs!!! 17:45
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I'm honestly shaking right now 17:46
~Allison (+774-893-5354):I genuinely thought we weren't going to make it there for a second 17:46
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Traitors in our midst smh 😔 17:47
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):JKJK I was def biting my nails there for a bit 17:47
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I can't WAIT until Brad comes back from Philly 😁 I'm so proud!!! 17:48
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Our boys pull through!!!! 17:48
Jane: Not for long 17:48
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Thin ice Jane…very thin ice 17:49
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Choose your next words very carefully 17:49
Jane: The Montreal Voyageurs…. 17:50
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I WILL kick you from this chat! 😡 17:50
Jane: ….Les M.V….. 17:50
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Do not test me 👿 17:51
Jane: LES M.V. SONT M.V.Ps!!!! NOUS SOMMES EN FEU!!!!!! 17:51
Jane:LE BLEU-BLANC-ROUGE EST DANGEUREUX 17:52
Jessica has removed Jane from the Boss Babes 🏒🐻
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Jessica! You can't keep doing this 17:53
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Go Jessica!!! 17:54
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
SHE started it!! 17:54
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):And Vanessa's not looking at her phone rn so hah!! 17:54
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
We support free speech in this team 17:54
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):And besides, her Lululemon jacket is part of the reason why we were able to pull through, so she deserves some grace. 17:54
Kate has added Jane to the Boss Babes 🏒🐻
Jane: LA COUPE STANLEY, ON VA LA GAGNE 17:55
Jennifer has removed Jane from the Boss Babes 🏒🐻
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
At least I tried 17:56
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
YAY!!! GO RAIDERS 17:57
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
#DontPokeTheBear 17:58
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):RAHHHHHH DOWN WITH MONTREAL!!!!! 17:59
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Ok she deserved it that time lol 18:00
~Allison (+774-893-5354):At least we can celebrate Boston's position without interruptions now 😂 18:00
~Allison (+774-893-5354):IS EVERYBODY READY FOR PLAYOFFS??? 18:00
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
YESSS!!!! 18:01
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I am 18:02
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
THE REIGNING CHAMPS REIGN SUPREME!!!!! 18:02
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Ugh I'm not ready for the playoff beards tho 18:03
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Josh's is horrible 18:04
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):It's all rough and scratchy 18:04
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Ooof tell me about it 18:05
~Allison (+774-893-5354):The first year me and Brad were dating he gave me the worst fucking case of beard burn in the world 18:06
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
That sounds horrible!!! 18:06
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
It, like all got infected too! 18:06
~Allison (+774-893-5354):I couldn't sit down for days 😭 18:06
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Thank god Connor's moustache is soft 18:07
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I kind of like Viccy's beard 18:07
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Yeah, because he has it all year round, so he knows how to take care of it🙄 18:08
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Speaking of year-long hair, HOW does Vanessa survive Marleau's rough stubble 24/7? 18:09
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Where is Vanessa? She's a bit quiet 18:10
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Jessica, you're still at her place right? What's she doing? 18:10
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Oh, she's digging through her sewing patterns 18:11
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Vanessa's looking up jacket designs? 18:11
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
WAG jackets???!!! 18:12
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Are we going to be doing those??? 18:12
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
The Washington Presidents WAGS looked so cute last year 18:12
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Did Jessica spill the beans about the jackets? 18:12
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Guilty… 18:13
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Guess there's no point in hiding it than! 18:14
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):I'm happy to announce that we'll be doing jackets this year to celebrate the boys making it to playoffs!!! 18:15
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Yay!!! 18:15
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Are we also doing denim? 18:16
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Surely not, we can't just COPY the Presidents 18:16
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I was thinking maybe leather? 👀 18:17
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
That'd be so cute!! 18:17
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Fuck yea!! 18:17
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
It can't be anything crazy though! 18:18
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):We don’t have much time until playoff starts since we cinched our position so late 18:19
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):It'll be tight, but I think between the five of us we can knock out five jackets? 18:19
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Not to brag but I certainly know my way around a sewing machine 18:19
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I believe in us!! Vanessa, just tell us what to do, and we can all pitch in 😁 18:20
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Jane I'm assuming you don't want one? 18:20
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
She definitely won't want one 18:21
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Figured there's no harm in asking 18:22
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):She's been a bit quiet 18:22
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Jane's always a bit quiet! She has notifications off 18:22
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
She was texting a lot earlier during the game though 18:23
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):I'll just @ her so she see's later 18:24
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Weird her @ isn't working 18:24
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Wow that's so strange I wonder why? 18:25
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Very very strange 18:25
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
They kicked her from the chat 18:26
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Snitch 18:26
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
KATE!!! 18:26
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
To be fair, she was spreading slander and propoganda 18:26
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
You guys 18:27
Vanessa has added Jane to the Boss Babes 🏒🐻
Jane: IL FAUT DIRE GO GO GO GO GO HABS GO GO 🔵⚪🔴 LES VOYAGEURS SONT M.V.Ps, NOUS SOMMES EN FEU! 🔥(en feu!!)🔥 LE BLEU-BLANC-ROUGE EST DANGEUREUX, LA COUPE STANLEY, ON VA LA GAGNE 🏆 IT FAUT DIRE GO GO GO GO GO HABS GO GO 🔵⚪🔴 18:29
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Do you see what she's DOING??? 18:29
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
It hurts my eyes!!! IT BURNSSSSS 18:29
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Ok so definitely no to the WAG jacket then 18:30
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Even if you wanted one Jane, you're not getting one for that alone 18:30
Jane: Oh you guys are also doing them? 18:31
Jane:I think some of the Montreal WAGs put something together as well 18:32
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Ours will be much better 18:33
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
But out of curiosity…what do theirs look like? 18:33
Jane: I don't have a picture, but I think they're doing something involved with leather? 18:33
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
They STOLE our idea 18:33
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Does it count as stealing if we thought of it five minutes ago? 18:34
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Yes 18:34
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Ugh ok, no leather than 18:35
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Wait Jane, where'd you see this? 18:36
Jane: I don't know 18:36
Jane:Instagram? 18:36
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Who's? 18:37
Jane: One of theirs, surely 18:37
Jane:There's no way none of them have posted it on Instagram yet, right? 18:37
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Aw man, Jane's right 18:38
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Jackie Pike made a post on Instagram about it 18:39
Jessicasent an image:
18:39
Jane: Yeah, that's totally where I saw it from 18:40
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
How the fuck are they already done? The season isn't over yet 18:41
Jane: It's what happens when your team is the top of the division and you cinch your spots early 18:41
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Can you shut up about Montreal for five minutes? 18:41
Jane: Fine, I'll play nice if it means I stop getting kicked 18:42
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Anyone have any Jacket ideas? 18:43
Jane: Like for fabrics? 18:43
Jane:Maybe jean jackets? Those are fun? 18:44
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
We can't copy the Washington WAGS 18:44
Jane: What about hoodies? 18:45
Jane:Nice and comfy 18:46
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
We can't show up to playoffs wearing hoodies Jane 💀 18:46
Jane: Rain jackets? 18:47
Jane:Practical? 18:47
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Ok so whatever Jane does for work, it probably isn't fashion related 😂 18:47
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Bummer! I had her pegged for model 18:48
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Let's play a game called: How many jackets can Jane name 18:48
Jane: Military jackets? 18:49
Jane:Because of the Raiders logo? 18:49
Jane:And they aren't…ugly? 18:50
Jane:Unless they are? I wouldn't know tbh 18:51
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Actually…that could work 18:51
Jane: Oh thank god 18:51
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Thought she was about to say puffer jacket ngl 18:52
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I don’t know if we wanna be in camo 18:52
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Ew no, of course not camo 18:53
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Like something wool like this: 18:53
Vanessasent an image:
18:53
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Wait that could be cute! 18:54
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
OOOOh!! 18:54
~Allison (+774-893-5354):I've got a cricut machine! I can do names and numbers? 18:55
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Wow Allison, you're a lifesaver!! 18:55
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
It's the best! Jason keeps asking me to make patches with Brad's number to sew onto his backpack and clothes 18:55
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
His backpack is literally the coolest thing ever for those of you who haven't seen it 18:56
Vanessasent an image:
18:56
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
That's so cute! 18:57
Jessica Changed the Groupchat Photo
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Aww Jessica, that's so sweet 18:58
Jane: Allison you made that? 18:58
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Sure did! 18:59
Jane: Wild 19:00
Jane:How's it supposed to be a backpack though? 19:00
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
It's hollow, there's a zipper at the bottom of it's ass 19:01
Jane: Isn't the bear supposed to be his dad, though? Doesn't that make shoving stuff in the ass kind of weird 19:01
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I admit it could've been designed better 19:01
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Shhhhh, don't think about the logistics too hard. It's cute that's all that matters 19:01
~Allison (+774-893-5354):For the jackets I was thinking maybe epaulets? 19:01
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Like this: 19:02
Allisonsent an image:
19:02
~Allison (+774-893-5354):But with the Raider's logo 19:03
~Allison (+774-893-5354):And patches for the names and numbers? Like army badges? 19:03
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
RAIDER WAG ARMY!!!! 19:03
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
RAHHHHHHHHHHH 19:04
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Maybe Jane does know a thing or two about fashion? 19:04
Jane: Is this a bad time to say that I was also picturing camo 19:05
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Nevermind 19:05
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
It's fine Jane, we have Vanessa to make up for your shortcomings 19:06
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Either way, we'll be the most stylish WAGs in the playoffs this year!!! 19:06
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Fuck yea!! Only fitting for the best team 19:07
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Jane talks a big game now, but we're going to be the one's laughing when we beat Montreal in 4 19:07
Jane: 4 years, you mean? Because if so, I agree 19:08
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
4 GAMES in round 1 19:09
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Wait how do you know we'll face each other in the first round? 19:09
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):The schedule's not out yet 19:10
Jane: It's the way the playoff bracket seeding works 19:11
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
They always put the top division qualifier against the lowest division qualifier in the first round 19:11
Jane: You're the lowest and we're the best, by the way 19:11
Jane:In case you didn't know 19:12
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Each round is best of seven so whoever is first to win 4 games moves up to the next round 19:12
Jane: Has Jessica not watched playoff hockey before? 19:12
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
She has, she just always forgets the rules 19:13
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Guilty… 19:13
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):I didn't realize that we'd be facing off against Montreal so soon! 19:13
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Jane likes to make fun of Boston but I'll bet she's happy that the boys will be in Montreal 😉 19:14
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Wait yea! Are you and Rozanov going to hook up? 19:15
Jane: Nah, probably not 19:16
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Omg did you two break up 19:16
Jane: No, it's just the playoffs 19:17
Jane:Everyone's busy, everyone's exhausted 19:17
Jane:It's crawling with reporters so it's like 100x more difficult to schedule clandestine hookups 19:18
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
That makes sense 19:18
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Connor also just falls face first and goes dead to the world whenever he's home during playoffs 19:18
Jane: It'll be nice to see him, though 19:18
Jane:It's always a treat to see him play in person 19:19
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Awww 19:19
~Allison (+774-893-5354):You sure you aren't going to meet up? 19:20
Jane: Actually…who knows? Maybe at the end of the round 19:20
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
In any case, I hope all of us get all of our "fun" with the boys out tomorrow 19:21
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Because starting April 13th, I better see you all at my place 8am sharp to get cracking on these jackets! 19:22
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Aye aye, Ma'am!! 🫡 19:22
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Let's do this guys!!! 19:23
April 17th
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
@everyone, 📢 announcement! 00:09
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):WAG jackets have been completed! 00:09
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Right in the knick of time!!! 00:09
Vanessasent an image:
00:09
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
WOOOOHOOOO!!! 00:10
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):OMG VANESSA THEY LOOK AMAZING!! 00:10
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Hell yea! 00:11
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):WAG ARMY!!!! 00:11
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Big thanks to Vanessa and Allison for doing the lion's share of the work 00:11
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
It's thanks to you two that we can watch the playoffs in style! 00:12
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
#DontPokeTheBear!!!! 00:12
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Big thanks to EVERYONE for pitching in 00:12
Jane: Wow, good job guys! 00:13
Jane:Congrats on getting it all done in time 00:14
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Definitely better than the Montreal WAGS 00:15
Jane: I don’t know if I wanna go that far 00:15
Jane:They do look nice though 00:15
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Well it's too late to make you one, so you'll just have to stay jealous 😝 00:16
Jane: I'm going to be so honest, if I walked into the Bell center wearing a Rozanov Boston Raiders WAG jacket I'd get dragged outside and ripped to pieces by an angry mob 00:16
Type a message
MLH News
@PuckNews
Boston and Montreal's rivalry is as heated as ever!
#DontPokeTheBear Captain Ilya Rozanov is issued a 2-minute minor "holding" penalty from giving#GoHabsGo Captain Shane Hollander a reach around.
Ensuing "tussel" leads to both players receiving additional 2-minute minors for roughing.
71 Retweets 25 Quote Tweets 338 Likes
MLH News
@PuckNews - Apr 25 Replying to @PuckNews
Correction: Reached around. He reached around him.
We would like to clarify that #DontPokeTheBear Captain Ilya Rozanov did NOT give #GoHabsGo Captain Shane Hollander a handjob on center ice during Game 5 round 1 of the playoffs. We apologize for the mistake in terminology.
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HabitualVoyageur
@HabitualVoyager - Apr 25 Replying to @PuckNews
Boooo put a leash on Rozanov before he bites someone. The man's a danger to others. I STG if he ends up giving Hollzy an injury during game 6 I'm taking an actual canon and launching it at the Boston arena. Don't even ask how I'll get it through customs, I'll find a way.
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ThatBostonBitch
@Rozslittlemeowmeow - Apr 25 Replying to @HabitualVoyager
smh Montreal fans have spent so long rooting for their bland ass boring ass fav that they've forgotten what a real fight actually looks like 🙄.
Y'all they didn't even drop the gloves. All Roz tried to do was get the puck and Hollander fucking flipped out at him and smacked his face. TF was he supposed to do? Not shove him back?
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HabitualVoyageur
@HabitualVoyager - Apr 25 Replying to @Rozslittlemeowmeow
Don’t act like it was an accident. That shit was totally targeted!! I was THERE okay? Rozanov was fucking staring Hollzy down the entire time during warmups. Shit was creepy. Bro was just WAITING to get a chance to put his filthy gloves on my GOAT.
Mark my words, that menace'll end up trying to put Hollander in the hospital.
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A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
April 24th, 2015
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Yo can someone tell Roz to stop touching Hollander before he ends up racking up even more penalties? 21:13
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Lol @Jane come get your man, he's getting into a fight with your fav (that you totally don't have a creepy shrine to) 21:13
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):She's been weirdly quiet the last week or so 21:14
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I remember her saying something about being swamped at work for the next bit 21:15
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Or maybe the sight of Roz smacking Hollander gave her a heart attack and she's dead 21:15
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Jane tell your man to stop touching other men! 21:16
11:23 PM
Jane: I'm fucking TRYING!!! 21:17
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
JANE!!! You're alive!!! We missed you!! 21:17
Jane: I missed you too! 21:17
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Awwww 21:18
Jane: Sorry I've been busy, can't chat long I gotta run and rip Roz a new asshole 21:18
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
GET HIM!!! 21:18
Type a message
MLH News
@PuckNews
Boston Beat! #GoHabsGo are moving onto round two after beating #DontPokeTheBear 3-0 in a spectacular Game 6 performance!!
54 Retweets 36 Quote Tweets 95 Likes
Lily
April 24th, 2015 10:15 PM
Jane: OHHHHH 22:15
Jane: 
Jane: Dear Lily, Condolences on your loss. You and your team fought honourably. Do not be ashamed that you are not as good as the HABs. No team is, and these shortcomings are not your fault to bear alone - Jane 22:16
Jane: P.S. LETS GOOOOO 22:17
Jane: P.P.S And be let's I mean ME 22:17
Jane: P.P.P.S because you're not going anywhere 22:18
Lily: Well we cannot win them all 22:19
Jane: Maybe YOU can't 22:19
Jane: IM going to win the cup 22:20
Lily: I am talking about you 22:20
Lily: Because you lose competition 22:21
Jane: We won 3-0 what are you talking about? 22:22
Lily: Our little compeition 22:23
Lily: You remember? 22:23
Jane: But I didn't swear or anything 22:24
Lily: Swearing only one part 22:24
Jane: Wait 22:25
Lily: Competition was to be professional 22:26
Jane: Oh no 22:26
Lily: Sending photo calling coworker a "fucking loser" is not professional 22:27
Lily: So you lose competition))) 22:27
Lily: You know what that means?)))) 22:27
Jane: On no 22:28
Lily: You are my bitch for whole day) 22:29
Jane: God dammit 22:29
Jane: Ugh fine 22:29
Jane: What do you want 22:29
Lily: What? 22:29
Lily: No enthusiam? 22:30
Jane: Am I supposed to be happy that I lost? 22:30
Lily: You are happy to see me of course 22:30
Jane: I don't know about that 22:30
Jane: I've still got playoffs to focus on 22:31
Lily: And I am "unappealing" compared to hockey? 22:32
Jane: Well, yea. 22:32
Lily: Fine 22:33
Lily: I order you to go to shower and have beer with rest of Montreal team)) 22:33
Lily: Celebrate win together)) 22:33
Jane: Wait that's it? 22:34
Lily: Yep! 22:34
Lily: Best wishes for season) 22:35
Jane: Wait! 22:35
Lily: See you next fall! 22:35
Jane: Wait no 22:35
Jane: Wait no, don't go 22:36
Jane: You're not going to make me do anything else? 22:36
10:54 PM
Jane: What was the whole point of the competition then?!!! 22:54
11:10 PM
Jane: I'm sorry I said you were unappealing I didn’t mean it 00:00
11:23 PM
Jane: I can be enthusiastic! 23:23
Jane: Or whatever else you want? 23:23
Lily: What I say? 23:23
Lily: Begging in tears by end of series 23:24
Lily: Called it 23:25
Jane: Wait so are we still seeing each other? 23:25
Jane: What's your hotel room? 23:25
Lily: So eager 23:25
Jane: TELL ME 23:25
Lily: No need 23:25
Lily: I am sitting in car in parking lot across street from your hotel 23:25
Lily: Come and get in))) 23:25
Jane: What if someone sees? 23:25
Lily: Relax, just wear hat and sunglasses, no one will see. Is very dark outside 23:26
Lily: You look nothing like usual with that gross moss on your chin anyway. 23:26
Lily: Is fine, I am in disguise, they will not recognize us 23:27
Jane: Wait, then why don't you come up? You'd have to be sneaky but it'd be faster 23:28
Lily: Can't I am almost at parking time limit and there are no more spots 23:28
Jane: Wait, what? 23:28
Lily: I have too many tickets, they will tow my car if I get another. I have 10 minutes left, please hurry 23:29
Jane: Isn't there a two hour parking limit? 23:29
Lily: Chances of us being recognize get much higher if I am in shouting match with parking guard please hurry 23:30
Jane: Have you been sittting outside my hotel for the last two hours waiting for me to beg?????? 23:31
Lily: Maybe! Please hurry 23:31
Jane: You're so weird 23:32
Lily: We can argue this in car 23:32
Jane: That's such a long time to just sit by yourself in the dark with nothing to do 23:33
Lily: Went by very fast, actually I ate nuggets and played sudoku 23:33
Jane: Never pegged you for a sudoku guy 23:34
Lily: Is good for brain. Can help to prevent alzheimer's 23:34
Jane: Also never pegged you for a worried about alzheimer's guy 23:34
Jane: Wait, if you've been there for two hours, then you must've come right after the game 23:34
Jane: Did you shave? 23:35
Lily: Why? You love my beard? 23:36
Jane: IT's the opposite actually. I'm not the hugest fan of how scratchy it is 23:37
Lily: I will turn car and leave parking lot in 5 minutes with or without you in it 23:37
Jane: Coming, just give me a sec! 23:37
Lily: Coming is for later! Get in car now!!!! 23:38
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
April 26th, 2015
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
That could have gone better 😔 20:58
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Awww man 20:59
~Allison (+774-893-5354):I really thought we were on a comeback! 20:59
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
We were doing so well the last two games!! 😭 20:59
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Good bye everybody I'm drowning myself in a vat of booze tonight 20:59
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Not Jennifer pulling a Jane lmao 20:59
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
It was nice knowing you 20:59
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Allison tell Jason that he's the cutest toddler in the world 21:00
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Jason doesn't need anyone else telling him that, he already knows he has too much power 21:00
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Well, to be fair, we probably weren't going to win four games in a row 21:01
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Although I HATE to admit it 21:02
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
I can't believe I'm hearing a member of the WAG army say this 21:02
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Never have I felt such betrayal before 21:02
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Let's look on the bright side guys! 21:03
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):It's finally time for the off season!! 21:03
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
NO MORE PLAYOFF BEARD!!! 21:04
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):I am so tired of it fucking up my skin 😭 21:04
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Brad's finally going to be home for a bit 😊 21:04
~Allison (+774-893-5354):I missed him 21:05
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I'm so excited!! Me and Vicky are going to be able to put the finishing touches on our wedding plan!!! 21:06
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
AHHH that's so exciting! 21:06
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Seems like all of us are excited to spend more time with our boys lol 21:07
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Definitely lol 21:07
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Didn't even Jane say something about hooking up at the end of the round? 21:07
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Oooooh! I bet she's really happy right now! 21:08
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):A win for Montreal AND time with Rozanov 21:08
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):I hope she enjoys herself! 21:09
Type a message
Lily
April 27th, 2015 6:13 AM
Jane: Got back safe! 00:00
10:03 AM
Jane: Did you fucking give me herpes??? 10:03
Jane: Roz??? 10:04
Jane: FUCKING ANSWER ME!! 10:04
Jane: ROZANOV!!!! 10:05
Lily: What 10:06
Lily: Please 10:07
Lily: Is too early for this 10:07
Jane: It’s WELL past noon 10:07
Lily: Exactly 10:07
Lily: Was in high speed chase with parking lot security last night 10:08
Lily: Then spend 6 hours as a chew tow 10:09
Lily: I need time to recover 10:09
Jane: Did you give me genital herpes? 10:10
Lily: I gave genitals? What is herpes? 10:11
Jane: The sexually transmitted infection???? 10:12
Lily: You think my dick has illness? 10:12
Lily: Is not possible 10:13
Lily: I use condom always and go to doctor for blood test often 10:13
Jane: But you don’t know the word for herpes? 10:14
Lily: Yes because has never been issue 10:14
Lily: Ah wait 10:15
Lily: I know! Is герпес 10:16
Lily: Why do you think you have this? 10:16
Lily: Is something wrong with your dick? 10:17
Jane: Something is wrong with my EVERYTHING 10:17
Jane: 
Jane: This shit all over my body 10:18
Lily: 😬 10:18
Lily: That is not supposed to look like that 10:19
Jane: Yea, I know 10:20
Lily: Shit 10:20
Lily: I have patches to 10:20
Lily: Did you give ME gerpes? 10:21
Jane: I don’t have sex with anyone other than you, asshole! 10:21
Lily: But I was fine yesterday? 10:22
Jane: So was I! 10:22
Jane: WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? 10:23
Jane: We have a game in 3 days! 10:23
Lily: Go to doctor for test first 10:24
Lily: May be allergy? 10:24
Jane: You better hope it is 10:25
Jane: I swear to god if it is and I get fucking scratched DURING THE PLAYOFFS BECAUSE YOU GAVE ME AN STI IM KILLING YOU 10:25
Request for STI test
[email protected]
[email protected]
April 27th, 2015 2:31 PM
Hello Doctor Sheng,
I would like to request an STI blood test in advance of the start of the second round, if possible.
Thanks,
Shane Hollander
Hockey Player
RE: Request for STI test
[email protected]
[email protected]
April 27th, 2015 2:45 PM
Hello Mr. Hollander.
Sure thing champ! Please drop by the rink’s health center this afternoon. A blood test will be done and results will be sent to you tomorrow.
Cheers!.
Dr. Yi Sheng
STI Results
[email protected]
[email protected]
April 28th, 2015 10:02 AM
STI Results for SH.pdf (9 KB)
Hello Mr. Hollander.
I have positive news! You test results came back all negative. You’re all clear to have as much fun in Tampa as you like ;) (but not too much fun, we still want you energized and alert for the second round!)
My assistant mentioned something about a rash, though? Would you be able to send some photos over? Ideally you’d come in again but there’s no point in making you miss your flight out if it’s nothing.
It may be signs of a mild reaction or jock itch that can be treated with topical ointment.
Dr. Yi Sheng
RE: STI Results
[email protected]
[email protected]
April 28th, 2015 10:27 AM
Rash.png (9 KB)
Hello Dr. Sheng,
I’ve sent some photos. The affected areas all show isolated patches like the one in the photo and they cover my groin, inner thighs, outer thighs, collarbone, back, neck, glutes, shins, upper arms, lower arms, and the insides of my knees.
Please advise, they’ve begun to itch and I would not like to have this impact my performance.
Thanks,
Shane Hollander
Hockey Player
RE: RE: STI Results
[email protected]
[email protected]
April 28th, 2015 10:31 AM
Hello Mr. Hollander,
Wow those patches look…familiar!
Those patches of rash is more consistent with contact dermatitis than an allergic reaction.
It is commonly caused during sexual activity during which there’s is a lot of friction between skin, similar to rug burn.
Does that ring a bell?
RE: RE: RE: STI Results
[email protected]
[email protected]
April 28th, 2015 10:32 AM
Hello Dr. Sheng,
I’m afraid I’m a bit confused? What do you mean a lot of friction? Like if me and the woman I was with don’t use enough lube?
RE: RE: RE: RE: STI Results
[email protected]
[email protected]
April 28th, 2015 10:32 AM
Mr. Hollander,
I will be frank. Did your ‘lady friend’ happen to have a rough, scratchy beard? (Or…several lady friends, based on how extensive the marking is?)
Please keep in mind that I am bound by the Personal Health Information Protection Act (PHIPA) and would not disclose any information shared in confidence.
However, if you potentially have unique sexual habits, specifically in your choice of partner(s), we may need to have a conversation about getting you more frequent testing for other STDs. Hypothetically speaking of course. Not trying to imply anything
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: STI Results
[email protected]
[email protected]
April 28th, 2015 10:34 AM
Never mind Dr. Sheng, the rash cleared up this morning.
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
April 28th, 2015
Jane: Guys I need help it's an emergency 10:50
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Jane!!! 10:50
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):We missed you! 10:51
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Lol you've been radio silent for a couple of days 10:52
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Partied to hard after beating Boston? 10:52
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Did you and Rozanov hook up after all? 😉 10:52
Jane: Regretfully so 10:52
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Yay! 10:53
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Wait why regretfully 10:53
Jane: Apparently guy's beards can fuck up your skin? 10:53
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Lmao are you talking about beard burn? 10:54
Jane: Is that what it's called? 10:55
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Yeah, didn’t you know? We were just chatting about it last week 10:55
~Allison (+774-893-5354):Ohhhh this was when you got kicked 10:55
Jane: Well does anyone know how to unfuck your skin from it? 10:56
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Just use whatever body moisturizer you have on it 10:57
~Allison (+774-893-5354):CeraVe worked for me, you can find it anywhere 10:57
Jane: Perfect thanks 10:58
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
It'll be tempting to cover the area up with foundation or something but you need to let the skin breathe or else it might get infected 10:59
Jane: Wait a week?! 10:59
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Yeah or even two 11:00
Jane: Is there any way to make it go away faster?! 11:00
Jane:I've got a huge work event coming up in two days 11:01
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Yeah you might be fucked 11:02
Jane: And then many other huge work events after 11:02
Jane:Hopefully until June 11:03
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Super fucked 11:04
Jane: I'm begging you guys is there any other way to get rid of it? 11:04
Jane:I'm willing to try literally anything 11:04
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Maybe put an antibiotic? So it doesn't get infected? 11:05
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):I'm usually fine with Neosporin 11:06
Jane: What about hydrogen peroxxide? 11:06
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
That could work? 11:06
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):IDK Cliff's beard is short but his hair's super soft 11:06
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):It's never been an issue for me 11:06
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I really recommend against doing anything drastic Jane 11:07
Jane: It's an emergency! 11:07
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Yes, but you might make it worse, especially on sensitive skin 11:08
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Jane is it just your face 11:08
Jane: It's in other places 11:08
Jane:Not saying where 11:09
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I really don't think you should be applying anything to intimate parts of your body 11:09
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Just cover the rash up with clothing and wait 11:10
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Try not to wear restrictive clothing or do anything excessively physically demanding 11:11
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):You don't want to irritate your skin more 11:11
Jane: I don't know if I'll be able to do that 11:12
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
It'll be fine, if you're busy at work anyways you probably won't be doing anything crazy anyways right? 11:12
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Just don't go jogging on a treadmill or anything and your should be fine 11:12
Jane: Sure. Easy. 🙂 11:13
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Good luck Jane! 11:13
Type a message
MLH News
@PuckNews
When asked about Hollander's work ethic, fellow Montreal player Hayden Pike had this to say
"I mean, we all really respect and look up to him and what he's doing is clearly working. Just look at tonight, he scored both our goals against the Thunderclouds. So yeah, uh, maybe we should take a leaf out of his book"
MLH News@PuckNews
#GoHabsGo Captain Shane Hollander's famous work ethic is in full force going into the playoffs!
The Montreal Captain was reportedly shown arriving to the rink a full HOUR AND A HALF before any of the other players for the first game in round two against #ThunderClouds.
43 Retweets 27 Quote Tweets 15 Likes
HabitualVoyageur@HabitualVoyager - May 2nd Replying to @PuckNews
My GOAT frfr. Apparently, Hollzy was already geared up and everything by the time his other teammates started arriving. Bro's out here playing chess while everybody's playing checkers
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ThatBostonBitch@Rozslittlemeowmeow - May 2nd Replying to @HabitualVoyager
"OOOOH Hollander sits alone in the locker room by himself" Yeah, we can TELL. Your Captain being a neurotic friendless LOSER isn't the flex you think it is.
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A group chat called:The BEST TEAM 🏒 with: Hayden, JJ, Gilbert...
May 6th, 2015
Hayden Pike:
OK Boys listen up! 16:03
Hayden Pike:Third game against Tampa who's feeling PUMPED!! 16:03
Gilbert Comeau:
FUCK TAMPA 16:03
Hayden Pike:
THAT’S WHAT WE LIKE TO HEAR 16:04
J.J. Boizeau:
GO HABS GO! 16:04
J.J. Boizeau GO HABS GO! 16:05
Shane: Love to see the enthusiam boys! 16:05
Shane:We've got this in the bag! 16:06
Hayden Pike:
Hollzy the boys were chatting the other day 16:07
Hayden Pike:And we've decided that we ought to show solidarity AS A TEAM 16:08
J.J. Boizeau:
En équipe!! 16:08
Hayden Pike:
So we've made the choice to join you in your new game ritual! 16:09
Shane: Oh you guys don't have to do that 16:09
J.J. Boizeau:
Nous insistons! 16:10
Shane: Please don't insist 16:11
Shane:In fact, I insist that you don't insist 16:12
Gilbert Comeau: We've gotta! You're our cap! 16:12
Gilbert Comeau And you've been playing like you're on FIRE lately 16:13
Gilbert Comeau Who knows? Maybe your new pregame ritual is a new good luck charm? 16:13
Hayden Pike:
Yea Hollzy, maybe you struck gold with your new tactics 16:14
Shane: You know what's really lucky? Sticking to your regular pregame routines 16:14
Shane:Consistency is key!! 16:15
Shane:There's nothing really tactical about what I'm doing 16:16
Hayden Pike:
Awww you're always so modest Cap 16:16
Shane: I'm really not 16:17
Hayden Pike:
Well, we're already enroute to the rink so there's no point in stoping us! 16:17
Shane: WHAT 16:18
J.J. Boizeau:
Aw man Hayd, you ruined the surprise! 16:19
Type a message
MLH News
@PuckNews
#GoHabsGo are on FIRE
Montreal beats the #Thunderclouds 6 to 2 in Game 3, with Captain Shane Hollander scoring a hat trick!
MLH News@PuckNews
The rest of the Montreal team has decided to join Shane Hollander in his new pregame ritual! The players have been reportedly seen entering the rink as a group, hours earlier than expected.
45 Retweets 27 Quote Tweets 102 Likes
HabitualVoyageur@HabitualVoyager - May 6 Replying to @PuckNews
LMAO 6 to 2 AND a hattrick? No way Mr. "superstition" Hollander is letting any of the team show up less than three hours early for the rest of the playoffs lol. These boys are gonna get put to WORK
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A group chat called:The BEST TEAM 🏒 with: Hayden, JJ, Gilbert...
May 6th, 2015
Hayden Pike:
KILLER PERFORMANCE EVERYBODY!!!! 23:08
Shane: I'm really proud of all of you guys 23:08
Gilbert Comeau:
That was the best playoff game we've EVER PLAYED 23:09
Patrice Drapeau:
LE MIEUX 23:10
Shane: Pat those saves you made? BEAUTY 23:10
Patrice Drapeau:
It was nothing! 23:11
Shane: Hayd that shot you made during the third period? GORGEOUS 23:11
Hayden Pike:
SEXY hat trick Hollzy 23:11
Shane:If we keep playing like we did tonight, the cups in the bag!! 23:12
Gilbert Comeau:
Which is why we're gonna keep doing the same pregame ritual for the rest of the PLAYOFFS!!!! 23:12
Shane: Ok you might not need to repeat that part 23:12
Shane:I mean, it's such a large commitment 23:13
J.J. Boizeau:
The playoffs are THE time for large commitments BRO 23:13
Hayden Pike:
LETS FUCKING DO THIS MAN 23:14
Hayden Pike:ALL TOGETHER 23:14
Hayden Pike:GO HABS GO! 23:15
J.J. Boizeau:
GO HABS GO! 23:15
Patrice Drapeau:
GO HABS GO! 23:15
Gilbert Comeau:
GO HABS GO! 23:16
Shane: If you insist I guess I can't stop you 23:17
Shane:Maybe coming early IS luckier? 23:17
Shane:It actually might be worth it 23:18
Hayden Pike:
ANYTHING TO WIN THE CUP!!!!! 23:18
J.J. Boizeau:
ALL IN BRO 23:18
Shane: LETS FUCKING DO THIS!!!!! 23:19
Shane:FUCK TAMPA 23:20
Type a message
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MLH News
@PuckNews
#GoHabsGo Move on to Round 3!!!
Montreal wins the series against #Thunderclouds in game 6!
When asked, Alternate Captain Hayden Pike had this to say: "We're all really just following Hollander's lead. I mean - the man's a fantastic player. It's a bit funny actually, some of us have even started copying his KT tape pattern - he's got the stuff all OVER his back. Not sure what it's supposed to do, but it must be working!!!"
54 Retweets 26 Quote Tweets 115 Likes
MLH News@PuckNews - May 12 Replying to @PuckNews
When asked to comment on how he feels about the team being "on fire" Hollzy reportedly said: "I definitely FEEL on fire"
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A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
May 13th, 2015
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Guys I'm having a total crises rn 😭😭😭 11:43
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Oh no!!! What happened? 11:43
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I can't pick between wildflowers or roses for my bouquet!!! 11:43
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
That’s a tough one 11:44
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I'm partial to roses 11:44
~Allison (+774-893-5354):But I might just be biased because I had roses for mine 11:45
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I feel like wildflowers are really YOU though 11:46
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Like they're fun and spontaneous 11:46
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Wildflowers are also more budget friendly 11:47
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):And visually interesting 11:47
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
But roses will match the red bridesmaid dresses more 11:47
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
YOU SEE MY PROBLEM 11:48
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
I think roses! Wildflowers look childish and tacky 11:48
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
@Jane? What do you think? 11:49
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I think she might be a bit busy 11:49
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
😔 11:50
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):I hope her business things going well! 11:51
Type a message
Question about Dermititus
[email protected]
[email protected]
May 13th, 2015 11:42 AM
Hi Doctor Sheng,
I was thinking about contact dermititus and I was curious
Say if someone had it, is there anything that you would recommend that they should or shouldn't do to treat it
Thanks,
Shane Hollander
Hockey Player
RE: Question about Dermititus
[email protected]
[email protected]
May 13th, 2015 11:47 AM
Hello Mr. Hollander,
Well, there's not much that you can do about dermatitis other than apply moisturizer and wait. Some people try to do things like use topical antibiotics, like Neosporin and Bacitracin, but these can commonly lead to allergic contact dermatitis if your skin reacts poorly. Other people might try to use disinfectant, such as alcohol and hydrogen peroxide, but these will only cause further irritation and worsen your symptoms
Above all, you must do your best to prevent further irritation. This means letting your skin breathe and heal naturally.
But you should be fine by now, right? It's been two weeks afterall.
Hope this helps,
Dr. Yi Sheng
RE: RE: Question about Dermititus
[email protected]
[email protected]
May 13th, 2015 11:52 AM
Hey Dr. Sheng
Ok, say that someone (completely hypothetically!) with contact dermititus DID apply Neosporin, which MIGHT have caused an allergic reaction and DID use rubbing alcohol, which DID make it worse and then covered the area with foundation, KT tape and sweaty hockey gear for two weeks instead of letting it breathe, and the skin started peeling and bleeding....
What would you recommend in this hypothetical scenario
RE: RE: RE: Question about Dermititus
[email protected]
[email protected]
May 13th, 2015 12:00 PM
Hey Mr. Hollander,
I would recommend they stop playing IMMEDIATELY and prescribe them a topical steroid cream to soothe the area
Would you like me to schedule an appointment with you for the next time you're in Montreal?
RE: RE: RE: RE: Question about Dermit...
[email protected]
[email protected]
May 13th, 2015 12:01 PM
Hey Dr. Sheng
No need! I'm perfectly fine and healthy, so there's no reason to go to the clinic!
Have a fantastic day!!!!
Shane
RE: RE: RE: RE: Question about Derm...
[email protected]
[email protected]
May 13th, 2015 12:47 PM
Hello Mr. Hollander,
That's good to hear!
On the topic of fun hypotheticals:
If a player WAS to avoid necessary medical treatment because they were that worried about missing playoffs, I COULD consider prescribing them their required medication without informing management to ensure they got the help they needed.
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Question about D...
[email protected]
[email protected]
May 13th, 2015 6:32 PM
OK I'll come by tomorrow.
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
May 18th, 2015
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I still don't know what flowers to pick!!!! 😭😭😭😭 14:44
Jane: Why not do both? Do one for the ceremony and another for the reception 14:44
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
JANE!!! You're back!!!! 14:44
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):How's work! 14:44
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
How's the skin lol 14:45
Jane: Skins been manageable and work's been even better 14:45
Jane:I got some topical steroid cream that I've been smearing all over myself and it works like magic! 14:46
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Wait, how do I know which bouquet to use where? 14:47
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Maybe flip a coin? It'll matter less if you're using both anyways 14:48
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
You guys are both life savers!! 14:48
Type a message
Steroid Cream Refill
[email protected]
[email protected]
May 18th, 2015 1:32 PM
Hi Doctor Sheng,
Thanks for the steroid cream! It's been working fantastically.
Would you be able to prescribe me a refill?
Thanks,
Shane Hollander
Hockey Player
RE: Steroid Cream Refill
[email protected]
[email protected]
May 18th, 2015 1:45 PM
Hey Mr. Hollander
You should NOT be finishing the entire bottle of cream in 4 days.
Overuse of steroid cream can lead to your skin building up resistance, similar to overuse of most drugs
I will write you a prescription for a refill on the condition that you come in tomorrow for a thorough lecture on the proper usage of steroid cream AND men's sexual health to make sure something like this never happens again.
Best wishes,
RE: RE: Steroid Cream Refill
[email protected]
[email protected]
May 18th, 2015 1:53 PM
Hi Doctor Sheng,
Is the lecture on sexual health negotiable?
RE: RE: RE: Steroid Cream Refill
[email protected]
[email protected]
May 18th, 2015 1:45 PM
Hey Mr. Hollander
It's really not
A group chat called:Triple Threat with: Hayden and JJ.
May 19th, 2015
Hayden Pike:
This needs to stop Shane 15:53
Hayden Pike:
We know that you love this team and we love and respect you but there are some things that cross the line 15:54
J.J. Boizeau:
Oui, c’est vrai!!! 15:54
Shane: What are you guys talking about? 15:55
Shane:Everything’s fine 15:56
Shane:Tout va bien! 15:56
J.J. Boizeau:
«Tout va bien!» dit-il! 15:57
J.J. Boizeau Ben la?! Bro, on sait ce que tu caches! 15:57
Hayden Pike:
Exactly! We know that you’re lying to us Shane 15:58
Hayden Pike:The visits to the clinic? The patches on your skin? Why you’re afraid to change in front of the rest of the team? 15:58
J.J. Boizeau:
Nous avons des preuves! 15:58
Shane: Proof of what 15:59
Shane:Wait how do you know about the patches 15:59
Hayden Pike:
You're not very good at hiding them Shane 16:00
Hayden Pike:AND I overheard the Doctor talking about you when I went to the clinic today! 16:01
Shane: You overheard that? 16:01
J.J. Boizeau:
OUI 16:02
Hayden Pike:
We know EXACTLY where those patches came from 16:03
Shane: Wait it's not what you think 16:03
Hayden Pike:
Doctor Shen might be bound by oath not to reveal your medical information 16:04
Hayden Pike:But WE could tell management about this 16:05
Hayden Pike:In fact, we probably would have gone straight to management already if this was another guy 16:06
Hayden Pike:But you’re our BROTHER, right? 16:06
J.J. Boizeau:
Câlisse, t’es notre CHUM!!!! 16:07
J.J. Boizeau Our fucking FLESH AND BLOOD, MAN?! 16:07
Hayden Pike:
We’re giving you one chance 16:08
J.J. Boizeau:
Une seule chance, hein? 16:09
Hayden Pike:
To admit what you’ve done and to promise to stop and we can all pretend it never happened 16:10
Shane: I promise it’s not what it looks like! 16:10
Hayden Pike:
Are you still trying to deny it? 16:10
Hayden Pike:Even now??? 16:11
Hayden Pike:There goes your chance then 16:11
Shane: Wait, wait, wait!!! 16:11
Hayden Pike:
WE KNOW YOURE DOPING SHANE!! 16:11
Shane: I SWEAR I'M NOT GAY!! DR. SHENG WAS ONLY LECTURING ME ABOUT AIDS AND STIS BECAUSE I HAVE HERPES! 16:12
J.J. Boizeau:
T’ES FULL SUR LES STÉROÏDES LÀ! 16:12
Shane: WHAT 16:13
J.J. Boizeau:
kessé tu DIS? 16:13
Hayden Pike:
HUHHH???? 16:14
Shane: You thought I was on P.E.D.s?!!!!!! 16:14
Hayden Pike:
YOU HAVE HERPES??? 16:15
J.J. Boizeau:
J’sais pas c’est quoi c’t’affaire-là de «AIDS», mais c’est PAS une excuse!!!! 16:15
Shane: J.J. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT AIDS IS 16:16
Hayden Pike:
J.J.????? 16:17
J.J. Boizeau:
YOU SHOULD NEVER DO STEROIDS!!!!!! 16:18
J.J. Boizeau NO EXCUSE 16:18
Hayden Pike:
Exactly! DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT SHANE 16:18
Hayden Pike:HAVING HERPES DOESN'T MAKE DOPING OKAY SHANE 16:18
Shane: I'M SO CONFUSED???? 16:18
Type a message
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
May 19th, 2015
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Guys 😭 16:20
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Is it placeholders? 16:20
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Something wrong with your dress? 16:21
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Should I do red velvet or Chocolate fudge? 16:22
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Get red velvet to match the roses 16:22
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Mmmmm Chocolate 16:22
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Do a multi-tiered and have both 16:23
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
You guys are the best! 🥹 16:23
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):I really couldn't have picked better bridesmaids 😭 16:23
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Man, if only Jane could also go 16:24
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
That'd be perfect! 16:24
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):I hope she's having a good time, whatever she's doing right now 16:25
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Me too 16:26
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):@Jane we're all rooting for you!! Good luck at work! 16:27
Type a message
A group chat called:Triple Threat with: Hayden and JJ.
Shane:WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M ON STEROIDS? 16:21
Hayden Pike:
We've connected the dots Shane! 16:21
Shane: You haven't connected shit! 16:21
J.J. Boizeau:
We've connected them! 16:22
Hayden Pike:
First! You've got those fuckass lesions on your everything! A KEY side effect of Anabolic Steroids 16:23
Shane: Or Herpes! 16:23
J.J. Boizeau:
SECOND 16:24
J.J. Boizeau You've been playing WAY better than usual 16:25
Shane: HAVE I??!! 16:26
J.J. Boizeau:
You got a HAT TRICK during playoffs while your SKIN WAS PEELING OFF 16:26
Shane: I've gotten loads of hat tricks!!!! 16:26
J.J. Boizeau:
Not during playoffs with your skin peeling off, you haven't! 16:27
Shane: Because I've never had herpes during playoffs before???? 16:28
Hayden Pike:
THIRD 16:29
Hayden Pike:You've been acting shifty and avoiding the rest of the team 16:29
Shane: How have i been shifty? 16:30
Hayden Pike:
I SAW you get into that sketchy car in Boston 16:30
Shane: You SAW that? 16:30
Hayden Pike:
YEA the guy with the sunglasses and messy beard? 16:31
Hayden Pike:Is he your dealer or something? 16:31
Hayden Pike:He looked suspicious as fuck 16:31
Shane: You recognized me? 16:32
Hayden Pike:
You were literally just wearing a hat and sunglasses 16:32
Hayden Pike:Why'd you get in his car Shane? 16:32
Shane: He was my Uber! 16:32
Shane:I was going to visit Boston Lily 16:32
J.J. Boizeau:
YOOOO Boston Lily?! 16:33
Shane: Yeah! 16:33
J.J. Boizeau:
I like her! 16:34
Shane: She thinks you're really interesting 16:34
J.J. Boizeau:
She's nice 16:34
Shane: She gave me herpes 16:35
J.J. Boizeau:
Aw man, nevermind. I thought she was dope 16:35
Hayden Pike:
DOPE LIKE THE SUBJECT YOU'RE TRYING TO AVOID SHANE 16:35
Shane: I'M NOT DOPING!!!!!! 16:36
J.J. Boizeau:
WHY DID THE DOCTOR SAY YOU WERE ABUSING STEROIDS SHANE???? 16:36
Shane: BECAUSE I WAS USING TOO MUCH OF MY STEROID CREAM 16:36
J.J. Boizeau:
HE ADMITS IT!!!!!!! 16:36
Hayden Pike:
THE TRUTH COMES TO LIGHT 16:37
J.J. Boizeau:
ATTENDEZ!!! 16:37
J.J. Boizeau The bottle!! 16:38
Hayden Pike:
Yes!! JJ FOUND YOUR BOTTLE that says STEROID ON IT 16:38
Shane: it's for my skin!!! 16:39
Shane:Do you guys think anabolic steroids just say the work "steroid" on them? IN CAPITAL BOLD LETTERS? 16:40
J.J. Boizeau:
Well we don't know because we don't use them! Why? Are YOU an expert on how they're packaged? 16:40
Hayden Pike:
Skins a weird part of your body to pick for enhanced performance, but that doesn’t make it okay???? 16:41
Shane: NO! 16:41
Shane:LIKE IT'S PRESCRIBED MEDICATION!!! 16:42
J.J. Boizeau:
BY WHO??? 16:42
Shane: DR SHENG!!!! HE PRESCRIBED THEM TO ME!!!! 16:43
Hayden Pike:
Wait, what? 16:43
Shane: Yeah! Dr. Sheng 16:44
J.J. Boizeau:
Dr. Yi Sheng? 16:45
Shane: Yeah! 16:46
Hayden Pike:
Like, the TEAM doctor Dr. Yi Sheng 16:46
Shane: Yeah! 16:46
Hayden Pike:
JJ we made a mistake 16:46
Shane: You did! BIG TIME 16:46
J.J. Boizeau:
Capitaine, je suis vraiment désolée 16:47
Hayden Pike:
I'm so sorry Shane 16:48
Shane: You should be! 16:48
Hayden Pike:
We should've known you would've never taken P.E.D.s out of your own volitian 16:49
Hayden Pike:This isn't what me and JJ envisioned at all 16:50
Shane: It's not 16:50
Hayden Pike:
It's so much worse 16:50
Shane: Wait what? 16:50
Hayden Pike:
He's been getting them prescribed, JJ 16:51
J.J. Boizeau:
This goes all the way to the top!!!! 16:52
Hayden Pike:
Who's been doing it Shane? 16:53
Shane: I think I'm lost 16:53
Hayden Pike:
You are but we'll help you find your way 16:54
Shane: No I mean in this conversation 16:54
Shane:What are we talking about right now? 16:54
Hayden Pike:
Who in management is pushing steroids on you 16:55
J.J. Boizeau:
Dr. Sheng???? 16:55
Shane: NO ONE IS PUSHING ANYTHING ON ME 16:56
Hayden Pike:
You don't need to protect them Shane 16:57
Hayden Pike:WE'LL GET YOU JUSTICE 16:57
J.J. Boizeau:
THE GM???? 16:57
Shane: OH MY GOD 16:58
Type a message
MLH News
@PuckNews
NEW Interview with Montreal's Triple Threat line!
"At the end of the day, the most important part of making sure a team runs smoothly is communication. And in Montreal, we all do our best to make sure EVERYONE on the team feels comfortable speaking their mind, whether that be in French or English" (Hollander)
"It really goes a long way to preventing misunderstanding" (Boizeau)
"Sometimes it feels like the other two read my mind!" (Pike)
https://www.nytimes.com/athletic/importance-of-commuica...
42 Retweets 57 Quote Tweets 204 Likes
GlidesInYourDMs@WINNERpeg - May 21 Replying to @PuckNews
ON GOD CAN THIS PAGE STOP GLAZING HOLLANDER I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT
57
21
-5
A group chat called:The BEST TEAM 🏒 with: Hayden, JJ, Gilbert...
June 15th, 2015
Shane: Is everyone feeling good about the game tonight? 14:48
Hayden Pike:
FUCK YEA 14:48
J.J. Boizeau:
FUCK CHICAGO 14:48
Gilbert Comeau:
WE'RE TAKING THE CUP TONIGHT BOYSS 14:49
Shane: That's what I like to hear! 14:49
Patrice Drapeau:
IM NOT LETTING A SINGLE PUCK THRU CAP!!! 14:49
Shane: THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR!!!!! 14:50
Shane:Remember we're a TEAM 14:51
Gilbert Comeau:
Fuck YEA!!!! 14:51
Shane: So tonight, we FUCK CHICAGO AS ONE 14:51
J.J. Boizeau:
IN A FIGURATIVE WAY SO AS NOT TO SPREAD STDS 14:51
Hayden Pike:
AND A HEALTHY WAY BECAUSE NONE OF US ARE USING PEDS 14:51
Gilbert Comeau:
Weird thing to specify BUT I LOVE THE ENTHUSIAM!!!!!! 14:52
Type a message
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
June 15th
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
MONTREAL'S WON THE CUP!!!! 21:18
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):CONGRATS JANE!!!! 21:18
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
WOOOOHOOOO!!! FINALLY A CANADIAN TEAM!!! 21:19
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Wait that's strange 21:19
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Look at Hollander lifting the cup 21:19
Vanessasent an image:
21:20
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Why does he look kinda uncomfortable? 21:21
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
He's probably just exhausted from playoffs 21:21
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
@Jane, Rozanov's throwing a fit lol. 21:22
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
He just shouted NOOO IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME lol 21:23
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Why are you texting Jane that? 21:23
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):She knows? Roz was literally leaning on her as he was saying that 21:24
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Ohhh you mean the woman he's with? 21:24
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Yeah, Jane!!! 21:24
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
That's not Jane 😬 21:25
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
What? 21:25
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
That's Svetlana 21:26
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
But she was explaining hockey to me like Jane does!!! 21:26
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Her dad's Sergei Vetrov 21:27
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Who? 21:28
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
THE HALL OF FAME BOSTON RAIDER??!! 21:28
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
She's another one of Roz's friends/hookups 21:29
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I HATE her 21:30
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
No she's nice! 21:31
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I INVITED HER TO MY WEDDING 😭😭 21:31
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
She's a great time to be around! She'll be a good guest!! 21:31
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
The OTHER woman 21:32
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Among hundreds, I don't think Jane minds 21:32
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Sorry we forgot you two hadn't met her 21:32
Type a message
A group chat called:The BEST TEAM 🏒 with: Hayden, JJ, Gilbert...
June 16th
Hayden Pike:
God my head is killing me 14:36
Shane: My everything hurts 14:37
Shane:Why am I freezing? 14:38
Patrice Drapeau:
I have no idea who's hotel room I'm in but it's not mine 14:38
J.J. Boizeau:
I'm in a tree? 14:38
Shane: Where's Gil? 14:38
J.J. Boizeau:
Oh, this is Gil 14:39
J.J. Boizeau
My phone got taken by a squirrel? I think 14:40
Patrice Drapeau:
Where's JJ 14:41
J.J. Boizeau:
Also in the tree, he's just asleep rn 14:42
J.J. Boizeau I don't know how we're gonna get down 14:42
Shane: I'll get a ladder 14:43
Gilbert Comeau:
flwoj;;;;
121111111
acorn 14:43
Shane: And a squirrel trap 14:43
J.J. Boizeau:
Also, hope you boy's are all down to be my groomsmen 14:43
J.J. Boizeau This is still Gil btw 14:44
Patrice Drapeau:
Tu vas te marier avec Marie ? 14:44
J.J. Boizeau:
Oui!!! 14:46
Shane: Congratulations!!! 14:46
Hayden Pike:
Love that for you man 14:47
J.J. Boizeau:
Shane, you up to be best man? 14:47
Shane: Are you sure you want me? 14:48
J.J. Boizeau:
Definitely! You won us a cup!! 14:49
Shane: WE won a cup together! 14:49
Shane:You guys find a venue yet? 14:50
J.J. Boizeau:
Yep! We're going to be at the Espace Vieux-Port, just a block away from the Notre-Dame Basilica. 14:50
J.J. Boizeau Marie say's it's gorgeous 14:51
Shane: I'm so happy for you! 14:51
Type a message
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
June 25th, 2015
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Guys, you won't believe what happened! 😭😭 11:57
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
What happened! 11:57
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
THE COMPANY THAT OWNS OUR VENUE WENT UNDER AND THEY CANCELLED ON US 😭😭😭😭 11:58
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
NOOOOOO 11:58
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
You should sue 11:58
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
That's horrific! 11:58
Jane: That's terrible! 11:58
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
What are you going to do? 11:59
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Vicky's fixing it because he's the best fiance in the world! 🥹 11:59
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Apparently the St-Simon family has a bunch of connections in Quebec and now we're in the Hotel Nelligan 12:00
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):It's right next to the Notre-Dame Basilica! 12:00
Jane: Wait 12:01
Jane:Right by the Espace Vieux-Port? 12:01
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Yep! Do you know it Jane? 12:02
Jane: I do 12:03
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
We were actually asking about the Espace Vieux-Port but apparently it was already booked for a wedding that day 😔 12:04
Jane: Was it. 🙂 How coincidental. 🙂 12:05
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Hey! Now that it's in Montreal, Jane do you think you might be able to come? 12:05
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
OMG we'd love to have you!!! 12:05
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):It's on August 21st! 12:06
Jane: Sorry, I've already got plans 12:06
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Awwww mannn 12:07
Type a message
Notes:
This Chapter summarised (sorry for the long chapter note in advance):
I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my recent Eczema flare up and the commentor that pointed out that Shane and Ilya have a no playoff sex rule. This chapter was supposed to be about WAG!Jackets and eventually became…not about that anymore.
Apologies for the poor French, if anyone reading this is Quebecois PLEASE feel free to flame me
I've got some people asking about whether this fic will include the 2016 fall out. The original plan was to be (very very very LOOSELY) canon compliant up to Shane moving to Ottawa. I recognize that I may have flown too close to the sun by starting it in 2015 😭😭If there's a sudden jump forward in the timeline it's because I've run out of ideas
ALSO, we are now 5 chapters and, like 40,000 words (literally HOW) into this and have yet to see the actual fic quote in the summary. I worry that there is a subset of you who clicked on this fic solely for the Justin Trudeau!Shane Wag theory and are thoroughly unamused by the offside, prank war, lululemon, hallpass, pride and prejudice, ingrown toenail, herpes, playoff, wag jacket bullshit antics that I've inserted in the way of why you're really here.
Rest assured that it's coming…just not in the next chapter. This begs the question: Should I change the fic summary or keep it? Let me know in the comments below. I don't care personally so whatever opinion among you all (yes you, dear reader!!!) is more popular will be the one I go with.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE KIND COMMENTS AND ALL THE KUDOS YOU ALL GIVE ME LIFE KISSES TO ALL OF YOU mwah This chapter was so fun to write!!! I LOVE any chance to bust out Canva and Photoshop so I hope you all enjoy!
Hockey Facts Sidebar (from someone who doesn't know anything about hockey):
- The Chant that Shane is doing in the beginning is an ACTUAL chant for the HABS sung to the tune of (I kid you not) Apple Bottom Jeans. I implore you all to listen to it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ae4i4pphgGc&pp=ygUPZ28gaGFicyBnbyAyMDI2
- Holding and roughing are actual minor penalties in the NHL (where the image was taken from)
- WAG Jackets started in 2017 with the Washington Capitals players to show support (pretend they started in 2014 for the sake of this fic)
- No Canadian team has won the Stanley cup since 1993 (it was Montreal)
- Montreal is currently the only Canadian team left in the playoffs
- If Montreal loses against Buffalo today in Game 7 I'm losing my shit and deleting this fic (I'm Canada down, jkjkjkjk)
Chapter 6: Clue #5: Jane might be a serial killer
Summary:
Kate
It's completely natural. Just remember that you've covered everything during your planning stage so it should all run smoothly
Jennifer
Exactly. There's not much that could go wrong at this point
Unless one of the guys fuck up and looses their suit or something lol
Or there's like a freak accident
Vanessa
Not helping
Allison
Jennifer please
Kate
Not helping
Jennifer
But hey! What are the chances of any of that happening? Probably really lowNew Clues:
1. Jane knows the owners to a kitchen supply store
New Theories:
1. Jane is a superhero
2. Jane is a serial killer
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
July 23rd, 2015
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
@Kate @Jennifer let us know when you guys are done getting ready and we'll head out! 17:09
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
You guys can head out to the restaurant first if you're waiting, we'll catch you up in just a sec 17:09
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Yes 17:10
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460): Don't feel the need to wait if you're getting hungry 17:10
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Noooo I wanna walk over together 17:11
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Oh no! More time to lounge by the pool? Without having to deal with a bunch of screaming toddlers? 17:11
~Allison (+774-893-5354): How will I cope?! 😩 17:11
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Lol 17:12
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): I've gotten another two pina coladas 17:12
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
ANOTHER two? 17:13
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
In my defence they're VERY good 17:14
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): And we were going to get drunk tonight anyways 17:14
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Vanessa can hold her drink, she's barely tipsy 17:15
~Allison (+774-893-5354): I definitely need to stop though 17:16
~Allison (+774-893-5354): I didn't realize how high the alcohol was in these silly cocktails 17:16
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
I guess we're all pulling a Jane tonight, huh? 17:16
Jane: Can please not call getting plastered "pulling a Jane" 17:17
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Too late 17:18
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Lol 17:19
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Jane!! 😁😁 17:19
Jane: Hi Jessica :) 17:20
Jane: How's everyone enjoying Cabo? 17:20
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
It's amazing 17:21
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
It's the fucking BEST 17:22
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Ohhh what I wouldn’t give for Boston to have nice beaches like the ones here 17:22
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
We saw a dolphin when we went snorkeling yesterday 17:23
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
The cocktails are also very nice lol 17:23
~Allison (+774-893-5354): We're going bar hopping tonight 17:23
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
It's such a bummer you couldn't come!! 17:24
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Yeah 😔 17:24
Jane: It's all good 17:24
Jane: One of my relatives is getting married so I got a chance to go to Vegas in June 17:25
Jane: I'm all partied out 17:25
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Woah were you there during the awards ceremony? 17:25
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Did you and Roz hook up? 17:26
~Allison (+774-893-5354): Oh wait, he and the boys missed it for their bachelor party 17:26
Jane: Yeah, he was in Ibiza :( 17:27
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Did you hear? Apparently the Voyageurs were also celebrating Comeau's bachelor party that weekend 17:28
Jane: Oh really? 17:29
Jane: Wow I didn't know that 17:29
Jane: How shocking! 17:30
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Yeah but I sounds like it sucked lol 17:30
Jane: Wait what 17:31
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
From what I hear they basically just said "Oh well, we're in Vegas already!" 17:31
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): Like it was practically JUST an awards after party lol 17:32
Jane: Is that a bad thing? 17:32
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
It's a bit boring tbh 17:32
~Allison (+774-893-5354): And it's not like there wasn't already going to be an after party 17:33
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Don't know who the best man is but that sounds like the type of thing you do when you get lazy and procrastinate lol 17:33
Jane: That’s not true! 17:34
Jane: There were other activities planned and scheduled way in advance! 17:35
Jane: Wait I mean 17:36
Jane: I assume there was other stuff as well! 17:36
Jane: And isn’t Vegas THE place to throw a Bachelor party? 17:37
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
But still, who wants their Bachelor party to be tied in with a work event? 17:38
Jane: I would! 17:38
Jane: I love my job! 17:39
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Oh honey 17:40
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
To be fair, I also thought the Vegas thing was a good idea 17:40
Jane: Thank you! 17:40
Jane: Someone who agrees 17:40
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
You save on travel costs and time. And there’s so many activities to do in Vegas 17:40
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460): It’s efficient 17:41
Jane: It’s efficient! 17:41
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
But it’s a party! 17:41
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
that’s not the vibe of a bachelor party! 17:41
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
“Aaaaalright boys who’s ready to get EFFICIENT in this joint!” 17:42
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
“Tonight the theme is optimizing shareholder valuuuuueeee!” 17:43
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): “To save time, I’ve asked the strippers to come out already naked” 17:44
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
“Since there’s no striptease, they’re going to walk on stage and then immediately leave” 17:45
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
“We don’t have budget for tips so don’t ask where to put them.” 17:45
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): If someone describes a party I’ve thrown as ‘efficient’ I’d be SO offended 17:45
Jane: Ok I think I see your point 17:46
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I hate them all but the Voyageurs did win the cup 17:46
~Allison (+774-893-5354): I feel like they deserve to use their time inefficiently 17:47
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Hollander got a hat trick! 17:47
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
He deserves clothed strippers! 17:47
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Tbf, Comeau doesn’t and the party was for him 17:48
Type a message
Lily
August 18th, 2015 20:03
Lily: Where is good spot for fast tailer in Montreal 20:03
Jane: Here’s the one I usually use 20:04
Jane: 
Jane: Why? 20:06
Lily: Groomsman jacket does not fit I need fix 20:06
Jane: And you waited until the week of the wedding before the rehearsal dinner? 20:07
Lily: Shhhh do not tell Jessica 20:07
Lily: She will have my head 20:08
Jane: It's about a 3 day wait 20:08
Lily: Fuck 20:08
Lily: If I leave double tip do you think they can do fast? 20:09
Jane: Go here instead 20:10
Jane: 
Jane: They're usually pretty fast 20:11
Jane: I always ask them to do my pants 20:12
Lily: How often do you rip pants? 20:12
Jane: I don't 20:13
Lily: Then why do you need to get pants fix? 20:13
Jane: I can't buy ones that fit right 20:14
Jane: All the pants that match my waist and inseam don’t zip up 20:14
Jane: Everything that I can put on is like a foot too long and super baggy at my shins 20:14
Jane: But it's such a pain to get everything custom made so I just get it all altered 20:15
Lily: Damn 20:15
Jane: It's really annoying 20:15
Lily: Never have I thought about logistics for having such a fat ass 20:16
Lily: I suppose this makes me bad person 20:16
Lily: All this time you are suffering in silence for the benefit of hockey fans 20:16
Lily: Thank you for sacrifice so we can all look at hugest juiciest ass in all of sports 20:17
Jane: Ok it's not that crazy, you don’t need to exaggerate 20:17
Lily: Is not exaggerate 20:18
Lily: You just said ass is too big for mere mortal pants 20:19
Lily: So big and plump 20:19
Lily: But still so firm? How? 20:19
Jane: It's a muscle? Of course it's firm 20:19
Jane: I don’t understand why you're making such a big deal about this 20:20
Lily: "Oh I am Hollander and of course I have 15 kg of pure muscle welded to my butt so easy so simple to understand why are you acting like it is crazy" 20:20
Lily: Wow 20:21
Lily: Fuck you 20:21
Jane: Fuck off 20:21
Lily: No wonder you are so hard to knock over 20:22
Lily: Too bottom heavy 20:23
Jane: You're just too weak to do it 20:23
Lily: At least I do not go flying when I bump into you 20:24
Lily: Not like Kent 20:24
Jane: You saw that clip? 20:24
Lily: Where he bounces off you and goes face first into boards? 20:25
Lily: Was very funny))) 20:26
Jane: Not as funny as hearing his nose break in person when it happened 20:26
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
August 19th
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Guys I'm so worried! 12:57
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
What happened? 12:58
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I just keep waking up in the middle of the night worried that it'll all go wrong!! 😭 12:58
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Awww honey 12:59
~Allison (+774-893-5354): It'll all be fine! 12:59
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
You're going to have the best wedding ever 13:00
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): We're going to make sure of it! 13:00
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
It's normal to get jitters! I remember I was a wreck when I was getting married to Brad 13:01
~Allison (+774-893-5354): I was almost too scared to walk down the aisle! 😆 13:01
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I can concur, I was also anxious when I was getting married to Connor 13:01
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460): It's completely natural. Just remember that you've covered everything during your planning stage so it should all run smoothly 13:02
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Exactly 13:03
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): There's not much that could go wrong at this point 13:04
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): Unless one of the guys fuck up and looses their suit or something lol 13:04
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): Or there's like a freak accident 13:05
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Not helping 13:05
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Jennifer please 13:06
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Not helping 13:07
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
But hey! What are the chances of any of that happening? Probably really low 13:07
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
And even if something does go wrong, what matters is you and Victor enjoying yourselves right? 13:07
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): So have fun! Don't get too caught up in the details 13:07
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
You guys are all so sweet 🥹 13:08
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): And you're all right 13:08
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): There was a time when I didn't even think I'd be able to date Vicky so I'm just happy that we could make it to this point 🥹 13:09
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Fuck yeah girl, look on the bright side! 13:10
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): I'm happy for you 13:10
Jane: Wait why'd you think you wouldn't be able to get married? 13:11
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
My parents didn't approve 😔 13:11
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): But screw it! I decided to do it anyway! 😆 13:12
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): And if they want to be sourpusses about it they don’t have to come! 😤 13:12
Jane: What? St-Simon's so charming though? 13:13
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
They didn't like the way he looked 13:13
Jane: He's also very handsome? 13:14
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
That's what I said! 13:14
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): But if they want to be closed-minded, then it's THEIR loss 13:14
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): The fewer bigots in my life, the better! 13:14
Jane: Bigots? 13:14
Jane: Oh 13:15
Jane: Oh wait I get it now 13:16
Jane: Jessica, that's horrible! 13:16
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Who cares? 13:17
Jane: But your parents aren’t coming? 13:17
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Jane how about we drop this topic 13:18
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Bitch read the room? 13:18
Jane: Shit, sorry 13:18
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
It’s the 21st century! Who needs losers like them? 13:19
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
The good thing is that there's a rehearsal to make sure everything runs smoothly! 13:20
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Yep! 13:21
Jane: Yes make sure you're well rested for that 13:21
Jane: Hopefully you feel more confident after that. It's always good to get some practice 13:22
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I love you all so much! 😭🙏 13:22
Type a message
MLH News
@PuckNews
Congratulations to #DontPokeTheBear Defenceman Victor St-Simon (#27) on his marriage to his fiance Jessica Smith! All the best wishes to the happy couple!
15 Retweets 8 Quote Tweets 204 Likes
Lily
August 20th, 2015 12:00 AM
Lily: Let me up 00:00
Jane: Shit are you there already? 00:00
Jane: Wait, I’ll be there in about half an hour 00:00
Lily: What is taking so long ( 00:00
Jane: Marie wanted us to do this dance thing? As a surprise? 00:00
Jane: Idk, Gil’s not supposed to know about it so we have to practice in the dead of night 00:01
Jane: We were doing a final run in our suits and stuff 00:01
Lily: You will show me when you get here?) 00:01
Lily: I get to see your moves?) 00:01
Jane: Whatever you're picturing is not what it looks like 00:02
Jane: None of us are dancers so it’s a lot of just flailing around wildly 00:02
Lily: But I like seeing you flail wildly 00:02
Lily: This is how you play all your hockey games 00:02
Jane: Fuck off 00:02
Lily: I am like the Pavlov puppy 00:03
Lily: I see you flail and my dick says 00:03
Lily: Ah! We must be playing Montreal!! Going to get laid tonight)))) 00:03
Jane: It's Pavlov dog 00:03
Lily: Oh! 00:03
Lily: Are we correcting the Russian man about Russian now? 00:03
Jane: My bad 00:03
Lily: Yes is your bad 00:04
Lily: You should apologize by doing dance 00:04
Lily: Will get me in mood since we did not play today))) 00:04
Jane: No 00:04
Lily: Please?) 00:04
Jane: Not happening 00:05
Lily: Please?( 00:05
Jane: Ask me again and I will turn around and leave you standing alone in that dark alleyway 00:05
Lily: (((((((( 00:05
Lily: What if I get murdered! This alleyway is scary 00:06
Jane: You won’t get murdered 00:06
Jane: You're in Le Plateau-Mont-Royal 00:06
Lily: You must realize this means nothing to me 00:06
Jane: It's one of the safest neighbourhoods in Montreal 00:07
Jane: It's literally prime real estate 00:07
Lily: Someone just threw up in a trashcan five feet away 00:07
Jane: Ignore them they're just students at McGill they don't bite 00:07
Jane: Just don't do anything stupid and tell them you play for the Raiders 00:07
Jane: Wait 00:07
Jane: Shit 00:07
Lily: Do you think there is a single hockey fan that would NOT recognize me? 00:08
Jane: Yea on second thought maybe don't stay in that alleyway 00:08
Jane: There's a key in the lock box hidden in a hole under the fence 00:08
Lily: Found it 00:08
Lily: What is combo 00:08
Jane: Actually maybe just hide in a bush or something 00:09
Lily: Really? 00:09
Lily: You do not trust me in your secret sex apartment alone? 00:09
Lily: Tell me combo 00:09
Jane: Promise you won't make it a big deal 00:09
Lily: Why would I make it big deal? It's just numbers? 00:10
Jane: 150691 00:10
Lily: You are such a loser) 00:10
Jane: You promised you wouldn't make a big deal 00:11
Lily: I did not promise anything 00:11
Jane: Ah fuck 00:11
Lily: 150691 00:12
Jane: Don't 00:12
Jane: Please 00:12
Lily: Hmmmm what could it mean? 00:12
Lily: Certainly not June 15th 1991 00:12
Jane: Stop 00:12
Lily: Such a random date 00:12
Lily: Could not possibly hold any meaning to you 00:13
Jane: In my defence, you're literally the only other person who's ever been in that building 00:13
Lily: )))) 00:13
Lily: No other secret hookups)? 00:13
Jane: Fuck off 00:13
Lily: Why you have boxes everywhere? 00:13
Lily: Are you redecorating 00:13
Jane: Wait don’t open those 00:14
Lily: 
Lily: Is this a sick joke? 00:14
Lily: Do I need to apologize for something 00:14
Jane: I told you not to open those 00:15
Lily: Oh god there's so many of them 00:15
Lily: 
Jane: They aren't mine 00:15
Jane: I'm holding them for someone else 00:15
Lily: Why? Because they are in Alcatraz? 00:16
Lily: Which fucking crazy Voyageur ask you to keep 100 knives in secret sex crib 00:16
Jane: No it's not weird I promise 00:16
Jane: There's a luxury kitchen supply store moving into the first floor on the first of September 00:16
Jane: They need somewhere to store some of their stuff until then 00:16
Lily: They could not take the first two completely empty floors?? 00:16
Jane: Well technically the third floor was also supposed to be empty for the summer 00:17
Jane: They can't move stock into the first floor until they get the shelves in 00:17
Jane: I'm trying to rent the second floor out so it's all decorated and nice looking right now 00:17
Jane: I’m actually really happy with how it turned out it’s got like a bar and everything 00:17
Lily: And having boxes and boxes of knives would have people running away screaming? 00:17
Jane: Bingo 00:18
Lily: Always thought it sad you do not use this place for anything but sex 00:18
Lily: Very nice place 00:18
Lily: You are going to add new tenants birthdays to the lockbox pass code to? 00:18
Jane: I've no idea what you're talking about 00:19
Jane: I'm here! 00:19
Jane: Heading up right now 00:20
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
August 20th, 2015
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Thanks for showing up for the wedding rehearsal everyone! 20:13
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): You're were all perfect 🥹🥹 20:14
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
No YOU were perfect 20:15
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Awwwww 20:15
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): I'm gonna cry 20:15
Type a message
A group chat called:Wedding Party Prep with: ~Jackie, ~Sofia, ~Marie
August 20th, 2015
Marie Trembley:
Am I crazy? 20:13
Marie Trembley: Am I losing it? 20:13
Marie Trembley: Or were the vibes at the rehearsal strange? 20:13
Audrey Drapeau:
I thought they were okay? 20:14
Audrey Drapeau: I mean everyone got their timings down right? 20:14
Marie Trembley:
No you all were perfect 20:14
Marie Trembley: It's just the guys I'm worried about 20:15
Marie Trembley: Like I feel like they were kind of goofing off? 20:15
Sofia Koch:
I saw it too 20:16
Marie Trembley:
THANK YOU 20:17
Marie Trembley: I was worried I was turning into a bridezilla for a second 20:17
Sofia Koch:
No you are correct 20:18
Sofia Koch: But what can we do? 20:19
Sofia Koch: Boys will be boys 20:19
Jackie Pike:
Nuh uh 20:19
Jackie Pike: Not on this team 20:19
Sofia Koch:
But it cannot be helped Jackie 20:20
Sofia Koch: Not every man is well trained like your husband 20:21
Audrey Drapeau:
Pat doesn't like it when I nag too much 20:21
~Marissa Trembley(819) 764-9909:
Uh, hello? Not all of us are wags either? 20:22
~Marissa Trembley(819) 764-9909: Am I supposed to keep Gil's cousins in line? 20:23
~Marissa Trembley(819) 764-9909: Because Marie, I love you, but Maman and papa are already too much to deal with 20:23
~Marissa Trembley(819) 764-9909: AND I'll be busy doing hair and makeup 20:24
Jackie Pike:
Calvary incoming 20:24
Jackie Pike has added Hayden Pike
Hayden Pike:
Hello??! 20:25
Jackie Pike has added Shane Hollander
Jenny Woo:
lmao 20:25
Jenny Woo: Not the ONLY two responsible groomsmen 20:26
Jenny Woo: This TEAM man 20:26
Jenny Woo: I love our goofballs so much but how did we get a cup lollllll 😆 20:26
Marie Trembley:
The fact that there's only two 20:27
Marie Trembley: This wedding is done for isn't it 😭 20:27
Marie Trembley: The night's going to end with my face covered in cake isn't it 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 20:28
Marie Trembley: SHITS GOING TO GET SET ON FIRE ISNT' IT 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 20:28
Shane: I'm sure you all did great at the rehearsal! 20:28
Shane: Good luck tomorrow it'll all go fantastic!! 20:28
Jackie Pike:
Shane! 20:29
Shane: WHAT?! 20:29
Shane: HUH??? 20:29
Jackie Pike:
What do you mean you're "sure we did great"? 20:30
Jackie Pike: Weren't you there?? 20:30
Shane: Wait 20:31
Shane: Jackie? 20:31
Marie Trembley:
SHANE WERE YOU NOT PAYING ATTENTION DURING REHEARSAL HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW IT WENT??? 20:32
Shane: Wait a second 20:32
Shane: Marie? 20:33
Shane: Like Gil's fiancé Marie? 20:33
Jenny Woo:
You mean the woman who's wedding you're attending tomorrow? 20:34
Jenny Woo: YES!! 20:35
Shane: Sorry I was just confused for a second 20:35
Jenny Woo:
You do realize you're BEST MAN right? 20:36
Sofia Koch:
@Jackie is herpes the one that affects your brain 20:37
Jackie Pike:
I think you're thinking of syphilis 20:37
Shane: I can still read guys 20:38
Shane: Also Hayd what the fuck man? 20:38
Hayden Pike:
Jackie swore she wouldn't tell! 20:39
Jackie Pike:
Ok so I guess we're taking Shane out of the gc 20:40
Jackie Pike: Hayd sweetie you're going to be on your own for this one 20:40
Hayden Pike:
I also don't know why I'm here? 20:41
Hayden Pike: But if it's because we're short a bridesmaid I'm afraid neither me or Shane could fit into any of your dresses 20:42
Marie Trembley:
HAYDEN 20:42
Marie Trembley: How do you think the rehearsal went?? 20:45
Hayden Pike:
I think it went great! 20:43
Hayden Pike: Timings and everything were spot on 20:44
Marie Trembley:
No! 20:45
Marie Trembley: Oh no oh no OH NO!!! 20:45
Marie Trembley: You didn't see it? 20:45
Hayden Pike:
See what? 20:45
Marie Trembley:
That's it 20:46
Marie Trembley: IT'S DOOMED 20:46
~Marissa Trembley(819) 764-9909:
Osti, relaxe! 😭😭 20:47
Shane: I think it went well! 20:47
Shane: Sorry! It's just the new group chat and everything 20:48
Shane: I need a second to recognize who's who 20:48
Shane: I meant to say you all did great at the rehearsal earlier 20:49
Shane: Can't say the same for some of the guys 20:49
Audrey Drapeau:
It's kind of sweet that Shane's knee jerk reaction to getting thrown in a chat full of strangers is to be supportive 20:50
Hayden Pike:
Wait Shane what do you mean? What was wrong with us? 20:50
Shane: You were fine Hayd 20:51
Shane: Some of the team were giggling when we were going through the run through though 20:51
Marie Trembley:
THANK YOU!!! 20:52
Shane: Pat and Koch started rough housing when we were practicing seating 20:52
Hayden Pike:
Oh shit yeah they broke one of the chairs 20:53
Marie Trembley:
WHAT 20:54
Hayden Pike:
I mean they almost did 20:55
Marie Trembley:
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING? 20:55
Jackie Pike:
Nevermind, Shane can stay 20:55
Shane: Can someone please explain why Hayden and I are here?! 20:56
Jackie Pike:
We need you to keep an eye on the boys to make sure they don't do anything stupid 20:57
Jackie Pike: Like tell them off if they start shit so they don't knock over the cake or anything 20:58
Jackie Pike: Or break something more important than a chair 20:58
Hayden Pike:
Anything for you babe 20:58
Jackie Pike:
Good boy 🐶 20:59
Hayden Pike:
🦮 20:59
Sofia Koch:
You two are very cute 20:59
Audrey Drapeau:
I feel like that's something you could've sent in a private dm 21:00
Jenny Woo:
smh poor Pat's never going to experience the ecstasy of getting called a good boy by his hot wife 21:00
Audrey Drapeau:
I said do it in private not don’t do it at all! 21:01
Jackie Pike:
Shane are you in? 21:01
Jackie Pike: The guys might not listen to us but they'll probably listen to you two 21:01
Jackie Pike: And even Gil's obnoxious cousins practically idolize you 21:01
Jackie Pike: So just promise you'll keep them in line 21:01
Shane: Why just me and Hayden though? 21:02
Jackie Pike:
You're the most responsible 21:03
Shane: Not J.J.? 21:03
Jackie Pike:
Think about that idea again 21:04
Jackie Pike: But this time do it slowly 21:05
Hayden Pike:
J.J. gets sidetracked too easily 21:05
Hayden Pike: He'll get distracted and stop paying attention 21:06
Shane: You know what? That's fair 21:06
Shane: Sure I'll do it 21:07
Shane: It'll be easy 21:08
Hayden Pike:
Good boy 🐶 21:09
Shane: Do not 21:09
Type a message
A group chat called:The BEST TEAM 🏒 with: Hayden, JJ, Gilbert...
August 20th, 2015
Gilbert Comeau:
Everyone feeling good for tomorrow? 21:13
Hayden Pike:
Yep! 21:13
Shane: Remember guys, I want you all on your best behaviour 21:13
Patrice Drapeau:
Yes MOM 21:14
Shane: I'm serious 21:15
Hayden Pike:
Everyone make sure your suits fit fine 21:15
Noah Koch:
They fit fine when we bought them tho 21:16
Shane: Just do it 21:16
Patrice Drapeau:
Fuck my pants are too tight 21:17
Patrice Drapeau Think I celebrated too hard after the cup win 21:17
Shane: Oh god 21:18
Patrice Drapeau:
You think Audrey could help me take them out? 21:18
Shane: Go to this tailor now 21:19
Shanesent an image: 21:19
Shane: Tell them I sent you and tip an extra hundred 21:20
Gilbert Comeau:
If I'm cutting my hair should I also shave while I'm at it? 21:20
Shane: Why are you at the barbers the day before your wedding 21:21
Gilbert Comeau:
Nah the barbers are all closed so I'm doing it myself 21:22
Shane: You couldn’t have done this a week ago? 21:23
Gilbert Comeau:
I did it two weeks ago actually 21:24
Gilbert Comeau But then it grew long again 21:24
Gilbert Comeau And I only just realized 21:24
Gilbert Comeau Should I shave? 21:24
Hayden Pike:
Don’t 21:25
Gilbert Comeau:
Fuck 21:25
Gilbert Comeau I was hoping you'd say shave cuz I took off my sideburns on accident 21:25
Gilbert Comeau Maybe I'll give myself a goatee? 21:25
Shane: What? No? 21:26
Hayden Pike:
No! Dude 21:26
Shane: Just shave it all then 21:26
Gilbert Comeau:
Ok nice 21:26
Type a message
Lily
August 20th, 2015 9:45 PM
Lily: Soooo 21:45
Lily: Last night was fun 21:45
Jane: It was 21:46
Lily: Will tonight…also be fun?))) 21:46
Jane: Depends what time 21:47
Jane: I need to get up early tomorrow morning to help get stuff set up 21:47
Lily: 12-1 this time? 21:47
Lily: Fast enough?) 21:47
Jane: 11-1 21:47
Lily: Even better ))) 21:48
August 21st, 2015 10:21 AM
Jane: Hey so when you left yesterday did you check if you forgot anything 10:21
Lily: No 10:21
Lily: Grabbed my suit bag 10:22
Lily: Why? Did I leave something behind? 10:23
Jane: 
Lily: Wait, is that my suit bag? 10:24
Lily: But I took it with me? 10:25
Jane: Let's put our thinking caps on for a second 10:26
Lily: I do not have special cap for thinking? 10:26
Lily: Fuck 10:27
Lily: This is not my suit 10:28
Jane: You also forgot your jacket 10:28
Jane: 
Lily: Wow 10:29
Lily: You did not lie about pants 10:29
Lily: So much cloth back here 10:29
Jane: Can I head over now to exchange the suits 10:30
Lily: Uh 10:31
Lily: I am at breakfast with team right now 10:31
Lily: Can we do 11? 10:32
Jane: I need to help set up starting at 11:00 10:33
Lily: When you need suit? 10:33
Jane: We're doing photos at 3:00 right before guests arrive 10:33
Lily: That is plenty of time 10:34
Lily: Is 10 minute walk just sneak away for quick break 10:34
Lily: Will be fine 10:35
A group chat called:The BEST TEAM 🏒 with: Hayden, JJ, Gilbert...
August 21st, 2015
Shane: Hey Gil? 12:54
Gilbert Comeau:
Yea cap? 12:54
Shane: Do you mind asking your cousins to leave me alone for a quick sec? 12:54
Shane: They keep following me around 12:54
Gilbert Comeau:
Lol 12:55
Gilbert Comeau Warned you that would happen 12:56
Gilbert Comeau It's fine they're just excited to see you in person 12:56
Gilbert Comeau You're totally their hero 12:57
Shane: That's great but it'd really be nice to get a second alone 12:58
Shane: I wanted to go on a quick Tim's run before the ceremony 12:58
Gilbert Comeau:
You'll be fine they're harmless 12:59
Gilbert Comeau Just bring them with you 12:59
Gilbert Comeau Oh! And can you get me a double double? 12:59
Patrice Drapeau:
Can I come? I want Tim bits 12:59
J.J. Boizeau:
Dude 13:00
J.J. Boizeau Coffee would be so good right now 13:01
Type a message
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
2:40 PM
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Has anyone seen Melanie? 14:40
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
The esthetician? 14:40
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): Not since she finished my makeup, why? 14:41
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
She was halfway through doing Vicky’s mom's hair and then just left 14:41
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): Svetlana ended up offering to do it instead but no one knows where Mélanie went! 14:42
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
How long has she been gone? 14:43
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
HALF AN HOUR 😭 14:43
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Hey did someone light the fireplace in the ballroom? 14:43
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
They shouldn’t have? 14:43
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): It's already too hot in here 00:00
Type a message
A group chat called:Wedding Party Prep with: ~Jackie, ~Sofia, ~Marie
2:51 PM
Jackie Pike:
Has anyone seen J.J? 14:51
Marie Trembley:
Oh my god is he missing 14:51
Marie Trembley: SHANE WHY ARE YOU STILL IN BUSINESS CASUAL WE'RE DOING PHOTOS IN LIKE 15 MINUTES 14:51
Shane: I was busy! I was looking for JJ! 14:52
Jackie Pike:
Wait he mentioned something about going to Tims 14:53
Jackie Pike: I'm going right now to grab him 14:54
Shane: I can go instead! 14:54
Hayden Pike:
I'll come with! 14:54
Jackie Pike:
No, no! 14:55
Jackie Pike: You two need to stay or else the boys will break out in complete anarchy and that is the LAST thing we need! 14:56
Marie Trembley:
Fine! I'm so fine! 14:56
Marie Trembley: The groom's fucking bald and shaved 14:57
Marie Trembley: The best man's out of clothes 14:58
Marie Trembley: We're now missing both a groomsman AND a bridesmaid 14:58
Marie Trembley: But I'm so so so so fine 14:59
~Marissa Trembley(819) 764-9909:
You don't seem fine 15:00
Marie Trembley:
DON'T I???? 15:00
Marie Trembley: I FUCKING KNEW SOMETHING LIKE THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭 15:01
Marie Trembley: JE LE SAVAIS TABARNAK 😭😭😭😭😭😭!!!!!!! 15:02
Jackie Pike:
Shane I appreciate that you, somehow, orchestrated this strange meet cute to get J.J. and his ex back together but you couldn't have picked ANY other day to do it? 15:03
Shane: Yep! That's totally why I sent JJ out 15:03
Shane: You caught me! 15:04
Jackie Pike:
Any. Other. Day. Shane. 15:04
Shane: Haha my bad! 15:04
Jackie Pike:
And you couldn't have just given him an empty box instead of your suit as collateral? 15:05
Shane: Uh 15:05
Shane: He would have noticed if the box was too light? 15:06
Shane: Just bring JJ and the suit back please I'm begging you 15:07
Shane: And make sure you bring back the RIGHT bag 15:07
Jackie Pike:
Who does this other suit belong to anyways? 15:08
Shane: Idk some random guy 15:08
Jackie Pike:
Fine 15:08
Audrey Drapeau:
Woah did anybody see that? 15:09
Audrey Drapeau: Like five different fire trucks went by 15:10
Jenny Woo:
Ayo shits on fire 15:11
Jackie Pike:
Yeah I saw them it's looking like they're parked down the street 15:11
Jackie Pike: That's so weird 15:12
Jackie Pike: Oh! Mélanie's started crying and running TOWARDS the fire 15:12
Jenny Woo:
Lmao what's wrong with her 15:12
Jackie Pike:
Fuck! 15:13
Jackie Pike: And there goes J.J. FOLLWOEOING HER GODDAMATI 15:13
Marie Trembley:
That's it I'm putting my phone down so I don't have a panic attack 15:14
Shane: WHAT 15:14
Hayden Pike:
Shane did you just leave? 15:15
Hayden Pike: Bro what the fuck! 15:16
Hayden Pike: Come back?! 15:17
Hayden Pike: Oh god Gil and Pat just broke another chair 15:17
Marie Trembley:
IM PUTTING THE PHONE DOWN 15:18
Type a message
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
3:12 PM
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
IS EVERYONE OKAY??? 15:12
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): Where is everyone? 15:12
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): Please respond 15:13
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): @everyone???!!! 15:13
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): Hello???? 😭😭😭😭😭 15:14
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I’m okay! 15:14
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Me and Allison are together! 15:15
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Has anyone seen Brad? I can’t reach him! 15:15
~Allison (+774-893-5354): He went back inside to look for Victor but I didn’t see him come out 15:15
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
THE BOYS ARE ALL OKAY!! 15:16
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): Vicky's with them all right now! 15:17
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): Rozanov ended up pulling him and Brad out! 15:18
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
OH THANK GOD 15:18
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Wait does Rozanov still have the rings? 15:19
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Apparently he lost all his stuff in the panic! 15:19
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
@Jennifer???? @Kate????? 15:20
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I’m okay! 15:21
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Where’s Jennifer? 15:21
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Has anyone seen Jennifer?? 15:21
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
@Jennifer??? 15:22
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
She’s not picking up my calls 15:22
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Oh noooo 15:23
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): Allison and I will look through the windows to see if she's still inside 15:23
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
We’ll split up to cover more ground 15:24
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
@Jennifer????!!! 15:25
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Oh my god she's trapped in the ballroom 15:25
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Get her through the window! 15:26
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Wait don't open the window too quickly, if there's fire, the building might explode! 15:26
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
It doesn’t look like the fire has spread there yet though! 15:27
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): FUCK THEY DON'T OPEN 15:27
Jane: Jennifer on thr ballroim? 15:28
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
WE CNAT GET HER OHT 15:29
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I think I must have inhaled too much smoke 15:30
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460): Because I swear I just saw JJ and Hollander run by 15:30
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
The Voyageurs? 15:31
~Allison (+774-893-5354): Yeah maybe talk to a paramedic? 15:31
~Allison (+774-893-5354): You might be hallucinating 15:32
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Oh hey! Mélanie's safe 15:33
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460): Oh no apparently she left her straightener and curling iron on by accident 15:33
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
HOLY SHIT!!! 15:34
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): THESE GUYS JUST FUCKING SMASHED THE WINSOW!!! 15:35
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): Jennifers okay!!! She's okay!!! 15:35
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Who smashed the window? Is everything okay? 15:36
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
ITS JJ AND FUCKIGN HOLLANDER!!! 15:36
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Oh good it's not just me 15:36
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Are you KIDDING ME? 15:37
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): ACTUALLY?!! 15:37
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Man, Jane’s going to have a field day reading through this 15:38
~Allison (+774-893-5354): I’m tempted to ask Hollander for an autograph for her but idk how I’d send it 15:38
~Allison (+774-893-5354): @Jane here’s his autograph 15:39
Allisonsent an image:
15:39
~Allison (+774-893-5354): Let me know if you want me to mail it to you or something 15:39
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Is it the smoke getting to me, or does it just say "Dear Jane stuff about jerseys, love Shanllander?" 15:40
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
No that's what it says 15:40
~Allison (+774-893-5354): I told him to maybe write some stuff about jerseys and didn't wanna correct him 15:41
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I think me and Allison made him uncomfortable? 15:41
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Oh yeah he was super nervous 15:41
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Sorry for tormenting your fav Jane 15:42
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Poor guy wanted to be out of there QUICK 15:43
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
He's already gone? 15:43
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460): That's unfortunate 15:44
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Awwww I wanted to meet him!! 15:45
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Apparently the Voyageurs are also having a wedding? 15:45
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Well yeah, isn't that why the had the (perfectly reasonable!) bachelor party in Vegas 15:45
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
No I mean it's happening right NOW right up the street 15:46
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
What?! 15:46
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): Woah 15:46
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): Wait so if Jennifer is out does this mean that everyone’s safe? 15:47
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Yep! That's all of us 15:47
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): It sounds like the firefighters also have all the hotel guests and staff accounted for 15:47
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Oh thank you sweet baby Jesus 15:47
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): I’m so happy you’re all okay! 15:48
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): I was so scared!!! 😭😭😭😭 15:48
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): I'm soooo happy!!!! 15:49
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Oh wow they're really going at the place with their hoses 15:49
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Oh no the venue! It'll all be drenched! 15:50
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
The wedding!! 15:50
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): Oh Jessica, I'm so sorry! 15:51
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I don't care! 15:51
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): As long as everyone's safe I couldn’t care 🥹!! 15:52
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I'm guessing there's no way to reschedule? 15:53
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Definitely not 15:54
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): We'd need to rebook everything and probably reschedule to next summer 15:54
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): Me and Vicky don't want to wait any longer!! 15:55
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): Or pay for two weddings lol 15:55
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
A bunch of the weddings supplies are still packed in the truck and scattered outside? Any chance we could still find someplace else? 15:55
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Probably not 15:56
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Not unless we had something in the next 15 minutes or so haha 15:56
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): It's fine! 15:56
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): We'll just find somewhere to get dinner instead! 15:57
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I don’t know if there are any restaurants that have capacity for 100 people 15:58
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Well we can always split up? If we have to? 15:58
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): Or we could get pizza and eat in the park?? 15:58
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I'm so sorry Jessica 15:58
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Nope! No being sorry! Everyone is fine and that's all that matters!! 15:59
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): Look on the bright side! Roz found the rings so at least we still have those! 😁 15:59
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Oh honey 15:59
Type a message
A group chat called:Wedding Party Prep with: ~Jackie, ~Sofia, ~Marie
3:43 PM
~Marissa Trembley(819) 764-9909:
Well the good news is that it's ok if they're a bit late for photographs 15:43
~Marissa Trembley(819) 764-9909: The photographer just called, and the emergency vehicles are blocking the street so he'll be late too 15:43
~Marissa Trembley(819) 764-9909: I guess the whole thing might get delayed if guests can't come through 15:44
Marie Trembley:
HOW IS THAT GOOD NEWS 😭😭😭😭 15:44
Shane: We're back! 15:45
Shane: We've got JJ and the suit! 15:45
Jackie Pike:
Shane kicked in a fudging WINDOW! 15:46
Hayden Pike:
Man why the hell would you do that? 15:47
Jackie Pike:
He saved the life of one of the Boston WAGS!!! 15:47
Hayden Pike:
Boston WAGS? 15:47
Jackie Pike:
Apparently St-Simon is also getting married today, like, two streets over 15:48
Jackie Pike: Their venue's the one that caught fire 15:49
Hayden Pike:
Woah wtf 15:49
Hayden Pike: That's actually fucking crazy man 15:50
Hayden Pike: Are you all alright? 15:50
Jackie Pike:
We're fine 15:51
Jackie Pike: Shane can't talk cuz he's rushing to get ready 15:51
~Marissa Trembley(819) 764-9909:
Finally! 15:52
Type a message
Jane is typing...
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
4:00 PM
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I don’t think we're finding a place for dinner 16:00
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Pizza it is then! 🍕 16:00
Jane: Hey Jessica? I know a place 16:01
Janesent an image:
16:01
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Ahhh Jane you’re a lifesaver! 🥹 16:02
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Yay!!! I hope they have wine 16:03
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): I NEED a drink lol 16:03
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Yayyyy!!! 16:04
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
NICEEEEE 16:04
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Jane I think you sent the wrong address? 16:04
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460): This is a kitchen supply store? 16:05
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
LMAO 😭 16:05
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Jane said cook dinner yourselves lolll 16:06
Jane: It’s not a kitchen supply store until next week 16:07
Jane: Right now it’s just an empty open floor 16:08
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Perfect! 🤩 16:08
~Allison (+774-893-5354): I’ll keep it in mind if I ever need a new La creuset while I’m in Montreal lol 16:09
Jane: It’s not the hotel Nelligan or anything but it should be big enough to hold everybody 16:09
Jane: it might even be bigger than the ballroom, actually. 16:09
Jane: And it’s only a 9 minute drive away 16:10
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Wait 16:11
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): Is this a joke? 16:11
Jane: I’ve called a moving company, they can be there in about 10 minutes to pick up decorations and you can set up there 16:11
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Jane? 16:11
Jane: there’s a whole back area for employees that you could use to get ready and heat food up and everything’s 16:12
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Yohre kidding right? 16:12
Jane: If you need more space, the second floor’s an empty condo. It’s furnished and everything 16:12
Jane: It's even got a bar if you need it. 16:13
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
a BAR????? 16:14
Jane: Yeah for the reception 16:14
Jane: It’s not stocked though you’d need to bring your own drinks 16:15
Jane: If you want it that is 16:16
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Jane? 16:17
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): Jane you’re not saying…what I think you’re saying? 16:17
Jane: You said the wedding would get called off if you couldn’t find a venue right? 16:17
Jane: Well consider venue found 16:18
Jane: I mean it’s not meant to be for weddings or anything 16:18
Jane: But it’s should have everything you would need and it’s still in a nice part of town, even if it’s not the Notre Dam Basilica 16:19
Jane: Why isn’t anyone saying anything? 16:20
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Hold on Jessica’s burst into tears just give us a quick sec 16:20
Jane: WAIT STOP TRYING TO CALL ME 16:20
Jane: I’M AT A WORK THING RN I CANT PICK UP 16:21
Jane: STOP CALLING STOP CALLING 16:22
Jane: I CANT PICK UP I CANT PICK UP I CANT PICK UP 16:22
Jane: DO 16:23
Jane: NOT 16:23
Jane: CALL 16:24
Jane: ME 16:24
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
JANEEEEEEE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 16:25
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): You’re kiddding right? 16:25
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): Like there’s no way this is happening???? 16:25
Jane: I’m not kidding 16:26
Jane: Just don’t go in the uppermost unit 16:26
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
How? HOW???? 16:27
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Holy fuck 16:28
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): I’m lost for words 16:28
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
HOW DID YOU FIND THIS PLACE??? 16:29
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): LITERALLY HOW??? 16:29
Jane: I know the owners of the building 🙂 16:29
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
What’s the fee to rent the space? 16:30
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460): Or wait, just send us their phone number and we can confirm with them 16:30
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
YESSS LET US KNOW WHO OWNS IT SO I CAN GUBE THEM TBE BIGGEST HYG 🥹🥹🥹🥹 16:30
Jane: Oh 16:31
Jane: Don’t worry about it there’s no fee 16:31
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I’m sorry? WHAT? 16:32
Jane: Nah they owe me a favour there’s no charge 16:32
Jane: And the owner’s aren’t really the hugging type so it’s all fine 16:32
Jane: They say just have fun! 16:32
Jane: Not to much fun though, you’ll have to pay for repairs if you destroy something 16:32
Jane: For the love of god please don’t burn it down 16:33
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Give us another moment, Jessica’s gone into hysterics 16:34
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460): And thank you 16:35
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460): I don’t know what to say 16:36
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460): None of us do to be quite honest 16:36
Jane: It’s nothing 16:37
Jane: Don’t worry about it 16:37
Jane: I went ahead and contacted the movers, they should be there soon 16:38
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
JANEEEEEEEE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 16:38
Type a message
A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
August 22nd
Jane: How'd everything go? 00:03
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
This is amazing! Thank you Jane 🙏🥹🥹🥹 00:03
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Jessica wont stop toasting to her three heroes “Jane, Hollander, and JJ” 00:04
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): And then people keep mishearing her and saying “But Shane Hollander and JJ are TWO people” 00:05
Jane: Ha 00:05
Jane: Funny 00:06
Jane: Maybe stop saying it if people have trouble hearing it though 00:06
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
We managed to hook up the TV and our microphones so now we have Karaoke going! 😆 00:06
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Roz dedicated a song to you! 00:06
Jane: Did he? 00:07
Vanessasent an image:
00:08
Jane: Lol Love Shack? 00:08
Jane: Of course he would 00:08
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Rozanov left tho 00:09
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): He was in a weird mood 00:09
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): Any idea why? 00:09
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
We asked Svetlana but she says apparently he’s been acting suspiciously all weekend though 00:09
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Svetlana’s so sweet! 🥹 00:10
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): I’m feel so bad for being mean to her 😭 00:10
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
She disgustingly knowledgeable about hockey just like you 00:11
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): So it seems like Roz has a type lol 00:12
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Don’t think they’re doing much hooking up though 00:12
~Allison (+774-893-5354): She was just telling me that they haven’t done much beyond hanging out all weekend 00:13
Jane: Rozanov didn’t leave with her? 00:14
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
No 00:14
~Allison (+774-893-5354): She thinks it has something to do with his family? 00:15
~Allison (+774-893-5354): He’s flying out for Russia tmrw so it might have something to do with that 00:15
Jane: Oh 00:16
Jane: Interesting 00:16
Type a message
A group chat called:Flower gate with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate
August 22nd, 2015
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Hey 11:05
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Wrong chat Jennifer 11:06
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Okay so I think I fucked up and accidentally went a floor too high when I went to grab the chairs 11:06
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
The ONE RULE that Jane gave us was not to go to the third floor 😭 11:06
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
It’s SO WEIRD 11:07
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Get out! Is it someone’s home?! 11:07
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Maybe??? Yes but no?? 11:08
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): Like it’s fully furnished 11:08
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): But there’s nothing but ginger ale in the fridge 11:09
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): And there are sheets in the dryer? 11:10
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): And a bowl filled with lube and condoms?? 11:10
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): And look what I found 11:10
Jennifersent an image: 11:10
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Is that Rozanov’s jacket?! 11:11
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Looks like it 11:11
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Maybe he also wandered up by accident yesterday? 11:11
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
OMG what if JANE lives there! 11:12
~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Get out of there! 11:12
~Allison (+774-893-5354): Why’d you even go snooping! 11:13
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
I thought it was a storage closet at first! 11:14
~Jennifer (+978-676-4559): I haven’t gotten to the weirdest part 11:14
Jennifersent an image: 11:14
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
What so they’re just boxes? 11:15
Jennifersent an image: 11:15
~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
FUCKING GET OUT OF THERE!! 11:15
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
OMG WHAT THE FUCK 11:16
~Jessica (+617-905-9910): What if there’s a SERIAL killer living there 11:16
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Or it could be stock for the KITCHEN SUPPLY STORE? 11:16
~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Wait that makes a lot of sense 11:16
~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Either way get out! You’re not supposed to be there! 11:16
Type a message
Notes:
This Chapter summarised:
Rejected ideas for Rozanov's Kareoke song dedicated to Shane:
1. Baby got back by Sir Mix-a-lot
2. We like Sportz by Thelonelyisland (If you don't know this song PLEASE listen to it: https://youtu.be/CEVdca9U9LM?si=6JSkXUntyFXZhTmoOnce again! Apologies for the poor French, if anyone reading this is Quebecois PLEASE feel free to flame me
Sometimes I feel like making Shane and Ilya happy and romantic and then remember that it's only 2015 and the Tuna Melt Scene still needs to feasibly happen :( Sorry if the tone is a bit all over the place this chapter, I'm still getting the hang of pairing angst and crack 😭Apologies if that last bit between Shane and Ilya made you sad. Think of it as a little appetizer while we wait for 2016:
THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE KIND COMMENTS AND ALL THE KUDOS YOU ALL GIVE ME LIFE KISSES TO ALL OF YOU mwah! HUGS HUGS HUGS your comments always make my day!!! 😁
(Seriously HOW is this at 5K kudos whattttttttt)Also, by almost unanimous agreement the Summary is staying!!!
Hockey Facts Sidebar (from someone who doesn't know stick from puck about hockey):
- IRL Shane Hollander (my GOAT Sidney Crosby) really does need to have his pants custom made
- Sidney Crosby also is known for being difficult to knock down BECAUSE of said ass
- This has not been a good three days for Canadian Hockey
- BUT WE STILL BEAT THE US AT WORLDS AND THE VICTOIRE ARE VICTORIOUS SO THATS ALL THAT MATTERS RAAAAHHHH (QUOI LE TABERNAK EST UN MILE 🦫🦫🦫🫎🫎🫎🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦)
