Chapter Text
Bump… Bump…Bump…my head… hurts. I woke from my nap in pain. That fuckboy got his zappy stick stolen.
I pretended to be asleep on the bus; it was getting harder by the second. Because SOMEHOW the busdriver is managing to drive over every pothole on these shitty New York roads. Was it truly the driver's fault? I didn’t know, and frankly, I couldn't care less.
It did not help that Nancy Bobofit was harassing Grover next to me. Sighing, I cracked an eye open, gazing around lazily. Grover was dodging peanut butter wads to the left of me, and Nancy was trying to get my attention with this entire bad girl act. Either get me in trouble with Ms. Dodds again, or because of her own pure fucking enjoyment. I suspected it was a bit of both.
Looking around to make sure no one was paying attention, I stood up, turning around sharply to look at the mess of red hair resting on Nancy’s head. Without a second thought, which I probably should have had, I grabbed a handful of it and pulled her close to my face. Her friends next to her quickly went silent and stared wide-eyed at the display.
“Stop messing with Grover.” Quickly, as if nothing had occurred, I let go of her hair and slid back into my position by the window. I heard Nancy fall back into her seat with a loud thump. A small smile graced my face.
“Percy, you’re on probation. You can’t be doing stuff like that. It's supposed to be me deafening you.” Grover whispered in a quiet voice. I took note of his slip-up. I bet if I cracked my eyes open hed be blushing. I love my friend, but for being as smart as he is, he doesn’t think before he speaks.
Hypocrite. Who am I to say anything? I started laughing, then paused, thinking how insane I looked. Then started laughing again, because I realized I didn’t realize how crazy I looked.
“It’s okay, G-Man. No one saw. Besides, what type of friend would I be if I didn’t protect you in return?” Grover stuttered, turning to look at me sharply, “Ms. Dodds saw everything, Percy. She’ll kill you!” I opened my eyes a little to look at Grovers' face, “Easy, G-Man. There are ears everywhere, and who said I wouldn’t kill her first?” Raising an eyebrow. Looking over to where Ms. Dodds sat, her piercing eyes were staring right back. I winked at her.
It was truly comical; I could practically see the flames in her eyes. I’ve been tolerating her presence for way too long. Oh, how good it will feel to finally…
The bus came to a stop. Students exited the bus swiftly. They weren't excited about the museum tour, but glad to be away from that prison they call a school for a day. Truly, my miserable existence. How have I tolerated it for so long? God, please end me, amen. A sharp crack of lightning showed in the sky, followed by a loud burst of thunder. As if saying I was too pathetic to kill. Not worth the effort. Fuck you.
I blended in pretty well, wearing a black hoodie and loose grey jeans, quietly following the group and ignoring their snickering at the naked statues. Yes, we get it. It’s a naked body, a penis that's still bigger than any of their dads. I laughed. I’m my greatest comedian. I laughed louder.
“Mr. Jackson,” Fuck, maybe I wasn’t that good at blending in, as I thought. No, you idiot, it was because you were laughing like a maniac at a joke no one else heard. Strike me down, Zeus. I give you my consent.
“Yes, sir?” I responded. Mr. Brunner had a small smile on his face. “Did you have anything to add?” His deep brown eyes pierced into me, as if he were trying to force the answer he wanted to hear from me.
“No, sir. I apologize for the disturbance.” I was not about to show disrespect to the man. “No, not at all. Could you please tell me what the mural here is depicting?” He moved his electric wheelchair to the right, gesturing to the large mural behind him.
“Yes, sir. That's Kronos eating his children; he was the ruler over the Titans. He ate his children, in fear they would overthrow him. They grew inside Kronos' stomach, unable to die due to their immortality. Zeus, who was hidden from his father's wrath, tricked the titan king into throwing up his siblings.” “Eww,” a girl said somewhere in the group. Ignoring her, I continued, “
The gods then defeated their father, chopping him up into thousands of pieces, scattering his body in the depths of Tartarus.” Mr. Brunner nodded approvingly, “Good job, Mr. Jackson. Full credits. Zeus tricked Kronos into ingesting a combination of mustard and wine….” I zoned out.
This was going to be a long day. How could I tell? Well, let's just say I'm having a godly sense. Because, as of right now, there was a stick up my ass, and not a good feeling one. One that jammed into my prostate, irritating it beyond belief. To the point that I couldn’t walk or sit without pain. Splinters everywhere on my ass. An irritation I couldn't scratch. If I removed the stick and all the splinters it had caused, perhaps the irritation would fade. I paused. What the hell am I thinking right now?
Suddenly, I found myself outside staring at the stick.
“Percy!” My head snapped towards Grover. “I’ve been trying to get your attention. You okay, man?”
“Yeah, I’m good. I’m just thinking about wood.”
“Like trees?” Grover hyped up.
“Yeah.” I deadpanned. I don’t think he noticed my expression.
“Cool! I didn’t think you were the type to care about nature like that. What's your favorite tree?” Why was this my life?
“I like oak trees. They're sturdy.” From there, Grover went into a long discussion about oak trees. I wasn't listening, but I was extremely grateful for him filling the crazy thoughts in my head. My mom's apartment was just down the road. If I got a cab, I could be there in less than ten minutes. She would be angry that I was there and not at school. But she would hug me tight and tell me how much she missed me. I’m not sure how the fates allowed me to have a mom like her. I guess they saw it as a fair trade, a shitty life, but a great mom. I wouldn’t have it any other way. That reminds me, I need to kill Gabe—and a few other people.
“Hey, G-man, I’m not very hungry. Would you like my apple?” I said, interrupting Grovers long rant.
“Yeah, thanks.” He said, taking the offered apple. I notice Nancy staring at us from across the grass field, next to a drinking water fountain. It conveniently blew up, spewing her into the water. Ms. Dodds, whom I knew had been watching, cooed over Nancy like a broken doll. Her eyes seared into me as she gestured towards the museum's entrance. With Grover distracted, I matched her pace towards the museum door to meet her. Waving at me to follow her, I could imagine her saying now, “Come with me, honey,” with her crooked finger.
It was silent for the minute walk, then we entered the Greek history hall. Statues, swords, paintings, chariots, and more lined the hall's displays.
“I know you have it, Perseus Jackson,” Alecto sneered. Too bad we're dropping the Teacher Act so soon. Her face morphed into something ugly, skin stretching across bone, leathery wings sprouting from her back. Gorgeous. Well, all women were beautiful; apparently, that logic applied to even monsters.
“Alecto, dear. I didn’t take Zeus ' lightning bolt.” I said, moving to a sword display, I grabbed a long blade. Its handle fits nicely in my palm.
“We know you have it, Perseus!” Alecto moved towards me in a swift motion, aiming for my shoulder. I dodged her claws.
“I have a message for Hades,” I said, patiently dealing with her temper. I’m a true saint.
But that seemed to grab her attention, “What could you possibly say to the king of the underworld?” She stalked towards me. “Tell me, little demigod.”
“First of all,” I said, leaning on one hip, “I’m not small where it matters, and I’m still a growing boy.” Alectos' face went slack for a moment, then, surprisingly, she let out a loud laugh. Or well, I thought it was a laugh; it sounded more like a blood-curdling scream. See, I told you I wasa funny.
“And secondly, I didn’t take the lightning bolt, but I’m going to find out who did.” My tone went serious for a moment.
“He is my message for your lord, Alecto. Listen well, a war is emerging as none have seen before. People will be betrayed, and blood will be drawn. Your suspicions are true… HE is rising. At hand, Zeus, master bold, and your helm have been stolen.” Alectos looked shocked for a moment at my knowledge of Hades' stolen helm. “I will go on a quest in a few months, and I will retrieve what's been stolen. But for now, I need your cooperation. I have nothing to offer you other than my word. If that's not good enough for your cooperation, I will have no choice but to consider you an enemy. I’m done.” I said. I stared at Alecto for a long moment.
“I understand what I must do. I will deliver this message for the sole purpose of my lord's wish to retrieve his helm.”
“You have my thanks, Alecto.” I reached for her hand and planted a kiss on the tips of her claws.
“You know, you have an ethereal beauty in your monster form.”
“Watch your tongue, Perseus! I can still choose to kill you.” She screeched, pulling her hand away.
“But you won't.” I teased. “Now, get back to my Uncle. Deliver my message, and tell him to prepare for war.” without a response. She nodded and flew through the sunroof of the museum.
Glass rained down, glittering against the sun, then I dived for cover as those same glittering shards started falling onto me. How poetic. I rose from my covering behind a miniature display of the 12 Olympians on Mount Olympus, holding a council meeting. Glass lay haphazardly on top of the magnificent piece. How poetic, indeed.
I walked down the hall, towards the museum entrance, only to see Mr. Brunner running–oh, umm–wheeling? Towards me in a panic.
“Perseus! My boy, are you alright?” Mr. Brunner asked in a frenzy. I paused, looking at him like he was the weird one, not like I hadn’t just done something idiotic again.
“Yeah, I’m good. I was just using the restroom. Is it time to leave already?”
Chi–Brunner coughed, “No, I was just checking on you. Your classmates began to worry when they couldn’t find you.”
“Ahh, I know what you mean. Thanks for looking for me. I probably worried Grover sick.”
“Yes, he became quite alarmed when he couldn’t find you. He's a good friend, that one.”
“That he is.” I hesitated, then a devilish smile graced my face. “Chiron.” I kind of felt back at how fast he moved to look at me in the chair. If I didn’t know better, I would think he got whiplash.
“Pardon?” Brunner asked, wide-eyed. I gestured towards the stone carving of a centaur. “That is Chiron, right?” A relieved look passed across his face. If I were any less of a man, maybe I would have felt bad, but this is way too funny.
“Yes. Good eye. Carrying on. “ He said in a quick dismissal. “I wonder if he used hair curlers.” I think the poor old horse had a heart attack. I opened the museum door, holding it for Brunner to go through first, while in front of me, I grabbed my ballpoint pen from the bag hanging on the back of his chair. What? He wouldn’t miss it.
“Hey G-Man!” I waved towards Grover. “What did I miss?” Jogging over, I handed him my leftover Pepsi can from lunch. Wordlessly, forgetting his appearance, he began munching on it.
“I didn’t know where you went, Percy. I thought you got lost.” Grover said with a little shake in his voice.
“Me? Lost? Pfft, never.” That earned a smile from my friend.
“Sure, bud. You and me both know it's a reality that's happened more than once.” I threw a hand over his shoulder, walking towards the bus. “That was one time!” He was full-on laughing at me now. I knew I was funny. But then again, Grover thinks birds pooping on people are funny. My expectations for myself lowered once again.
At least I finally got rid of that stick in my ass. Keeping her alive was the best choice; it would have taken Alecto a while to reform and get my message to Uncle dearest. But then other problems arise. Would it be so far off to say I’m in possession of a whole forest? Grover would be pleased. My asshole, hoever would not. Is something wrong with me? Be honest.