Chapter Text
Admiral’s personal log, Star Date 55905.1
Or as we say on Earth, April 22, 2379. The one-year anniversary of Voyager’s return to Earth.
Today is also the six-month anniversary of taking my oath as admiral. I could not have predicted anything that’s happened in the past year. Voyager being decommissioned, taking leave of absence, my promotion? I always assumed I would continue to captain Voyager, with all the same people after returning. I miss my crew. I loved being a captain. I loved being their captain. Though I look forward to seeing my Voyager family at the celebration, it won’t be the same.
And then falling in love with Jean-Luc Picard. Of all people! And in Paris, of all places! A new relationship was the furthest thing from my mind. He spent his whole month’s shore leave with me, and I was on leave of absence… It was like a honeymoon. We were inseparable as we toured Europe. And now, I never know when I’ll see him. He could be here for a day, then be sent to the Neutral Zone on a moment’s notice or be in orbit here for a week. Seven months since he returned to the Enterprise, and I still get butterflies every time I see his face. I also look forward to seeing him today.
In a few hours, Starfleet will repeat the circus of our welcoming celebration. I dread being the biggest fish in the fish bowl. You’d think seven years of setting an example for my crew would prepare me for celebrity, but it certainly didn’t.
Rear-Admiral Janeway tapped her screen, then pulled a mirror from a drawer to check her hair and makeup. There would be holo-photos and interviews and all the rest. She had to look her best.
The door chime rang. “Come in.” Her date had arrived.
Jean-Luc Picard noted her mirror. “You look lovely, cherie.”
As soon as the door closed, she rose to greet him. “Thank you.” She tugged at the hem of her jacket, a habit she’d picked up from him. “Are you nervous about meeting my Voyager family?”
He chuckled, then kissed the top of her head. “You’re the only one whose opinion matters.”
“I haven’t seen some of them since debriefing. I wonder how much they’ve changed.”
He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “They’ll be delighted to see you.”
“I want to kiss you, but I just did my lips…”
He kissed her, and she responded passionately, dropping any thought of her appearance. After they pulled apart, she noticed he’d picked up a little lipstick.
“You still look beautiful.” He gazed into her eyes, a look that always made her weak in the knees.
She rushed to her desk to check. “People will be looking for any imperfection.”
“You’ll be smiling, and your smile is perfect. You’re worried about nothing.”
As if to prove his point, she smiled. “You’re right.” This is why I need him here, she thought.
Admiral Paris shared his speech with her beforehand, but it still embarrassed her. He praised her leadership to thunderous applause as she sat next to him on the stage, acknowledging the audience. Everyone was there: Chakotay, Tom Paris, B’Elanna, Tuvok, Harry Kim, the Doctor, and in the front row, clapping the most vigorously: Naomi Wildman, the first child born on Voyager, with her mother.
Far from the crew, at the rear of the auditorium, an unexpected sight: her mother and Picard standing together, both beaming with pride. She smiled at the sight of them, then returned her attention to the rest of the crowd. As the applause died down, she thought of the missing: those who died, Neelix, still in the Delta Quadrant, and the two imprisoned in stasis chambers: Icheb and Seven of Nine.
“Admiral,” Paris gestured toward her. “Would you care to say a few words?”
More applause. She bowed her head as she took the dais. “Thank you, everybody. As we commemorate our return, let us not forget those who didn’t return.” She stood in silence for a long moment, then resumed her speech. “To those who returned, I hope you know how very proud of you I am. You all accomplished so much as we traversed the light-years together. We were a true family, supporting each other, growing together, and of course at times, bickering, and getting on each other’s nerves.”
Most of the crowd seemed a bit uncomfortable, but the former crew laughed heartily.
“I love you all, and what we experienced together is something that will connect us forever, our Voyager family. I am grateful for that experience with you, and though I would never have chosen to spend seven years in the Delta Quadrant, I’m glad I spent those years with you.”
Her speech was the last one, giving her little time to blink away emerging tears. She greeted, shook hands, and hugged a long stream of well-wishers, but lingered only with the crew. Most remained in Starfleet and eagerly shared the details of their new assignments, many of which were promotions.
And then there were the crew who had been snapped up by Picard: Ensign–now Lieutenant–Wildman, Tuvok, and Harry Kim. She’d seen them while visiting The Enterprise, but not recently enough. All the bridge crew and many from lower decks crowded around her, as happy to see each other as to reunite with her.
After the crowd at the dais disappeared, she made a point to mingle in the refreshment area, where she’d last spotted her mother. Disappointed not to find her there, she picked up a glass of champagne and toasted with strangers.
“Captain… I mean, Admiral.”
The face was familiar, but she couldn’t place her. Engineering? Maintenance? “Lovely to see you…”
“Ensign Patterson, or I used to be.”
The woman seemed not to be bothered by her captain’s lapse of memory, something that Janeway found even more regrettable. Even worse, the name wasn’t much help. “And now you are…?”
“Lieutenant Louise Garay, at your service.” She held up her left hand, showing wedding and engagement rings. “Luis and I met on the repair crew. We both showed up whenever someone shouted “Louise” or “Luis.” It was so hard to hear with all the welding…” She laughed. “Thankfully, we’re on different ships now.”
“Congratulations on both your promotion and your marriage. I’m so happy for you.”
“I can’t wait to be a mother. I used to think it would be impossible in Starfleet, but Ensign Wildman set such a good example.” She waved crossed fingers. “Wish us luck! We’ve been trying so hard, but we haven’t given up.”
Janeway smiled. Her old dream, left behind eight years ago. “If there’s one thing we all learned on Voyager, it’s not to give up!”
Picard tapped her shoulder. She turned to see her mother close behind him. Picard hugged her very briefly. “Look who I found!” He waved to the older woman to join him. “Gretchen—”
Janeway handed her champagne to Picard then gave her mother a rib-cracking hug. “Mother!”
Her mother patted her on the back. “Did you think I would miss this happy day?”
She pulled away, tears pooling over a quivering smile. “Every day on Earth is a happy day! You can visit me any day.”
“And you can visit me.” It was a scold, but a scold with a smirk. “I shouldn’t have to wait another seven years.” With those words, Janeway’s tears overflowed, and her mother brushed them away.
“I will, I promise.” She sniffed, rubbed her eyes, then glanced around her to see who noticed.
“Kathryn. If you can’t cry in front of your mother…” Gretchen held her daughter by the shoulders. “I’ve certainly dried plenty of your tears.”
Janeway laughed. “I haven’t skinned a knee in many years.” She looked in Picard’s direction, and he had disappeared, his duty fulfilled. She picked up a new glass of champagne and took a sip.
“I like your Jean-Luc. He’s very much the Starfleet gentleman.”
Coming from a Starfleet widow, this was a high compliment. Janeway’s eyes sparkled as she smiled, remembering how much she admired him professionally. “He’s very much a gentleman, period.”
“I can tell he loves you.”
The two women slowly circled the edges of the room as the crowd thinned. “Oh mom… “
“And I can tell you love him.”
“Remember, you want me to visit you.” She suspected her mother hoped for grandchildren, and that was a few steps beyond anything she’d contemplated with him. “No nagging.”
“Okay, okay.” Gretchen sighed, then grabbed one of her hands. “I promise not to push you.”
“Thank you.” Janeway squeezed her mother’s hand, then let go. “We’re just taking things as they come.”
“You can’t lie to your mother. This isn’t casual.”
Janeway narrowed her brow. “Mother–”
“Bring him with you the next time you visit.”
They were the last to leave the room. As they made their way to her office, Janeway glanced down corridors and over her shoulder looking for Picard.
“He told me he couldn’t stay long.” Gretchen Janeway knew her daughter well.
Janeway sighed. “We hardly ever see each other.”
“Believe me, I understand. Remember the times when your father visited for only a few hours?”
“It’s amazing that you were able to have two daughters!” Janeway laughed, remembering the long months of her father’s absence and the visits that seemed to fly by too soon.
Gretchen slowed her pace. “It’s not like we didn’t try.” She sighed then quickened her step again. “But you two were perfect. I couldn’t have asked for two better daughters.”
Janeway often wondered if they wanted a son. Selfishly, she decided it was for the best that they only had daughters. She was Daddy’s girl, and she wouldn’t have liked sharing him with a boy.
They ate at Janeway’s favorite restaurant, then Gretchen took a shuttle home.
Alone again, Janeway returned to her office, planning to stay the night.
She logged on to the personal comm system, hoping to find a message from Picard. Not finding one, she decided to leave one for him.
“Thank you for coming today and for your kindness toward my mother. You really won her over.” She smiled, remembering their conversation.
Suddenly, his image appeared on the screen. “Cherie. I’m back on the Enterprise. I wish I could have stayed longer.”
She couldn’t hide her excitement at seeing him. “I understand.”
“Happy anniversary. I’d toast you, but…” He held up his empty hands.
“You stole my champagne!” She laughed and held up her hands. “You drank mine, too?”
“I’ll have to make it up to you.” He grinned, unrepentant.
“Soon, I hope.” She yawned, suddenly feeling depleted by the emotions of the day.
He studied her face, his own softening with understanding. “You seem tired.”
“I am.” How well he knew her. “I’m going to turn in.”
He touched his fingertips to his lips, then touched her lips on the screen, and she returned the gesture. “Good night, cherie.”
“Good night. Stay safe. I love you.” She turned off the screen, then looked at the sofa.
Her office was no more lonely than her rented house, she reasoned, and she could get to the gym earlier. There’s no shame in sleeping here.