Work Text:
You said you'd wait forever.
I never followed the path you offered me. I wasted so much time on grief and hatred while you transformed your grief. Your hatred became defiance; defiance against this society. Defiance against the people who wanted to break us.
Defiance against me, because I was now one of these people Vi always wanted to protect me from.
I was one with this dark world full of hatred and filth, but suddenly, right in the middle of it all, stood her; my big sister. She had returned. Not a hallucination. Not a voice without a body. She was the only one who haunted me differently all these years. She did not murmur into my ear, no she yelled in my heart. She shared her bitter disappointment of me. Grief and hatred.
I wasted so much time on a pointless hunt, thinking I could destroy that one hallucination again. I wanted to annihilate her sad gaze towards me and the voice that would silence me. Back to the status quo. Back to 'she left me and I’m better off without her.'
But I blinked and the world was gone
Oh, how wrong I was. All this time, I was wrong, because what you felt for me wasn't hate, but love. Do you see it, Sis? You're incapable of feeling hate, you proved that to me with your love for the enemy. That woman. Even she's capable of forgiving me, so why can't I?
You wade through the water
Slowly your hands grow numb
I struggle through the swamp of my self-pity. Deep and murky, the water flows around my ankles, rising ever higher to my neck, threatening to swallow me whole. I feel it with every breath, pressing mercilessly, as if trying to steal the last of my oxygen.
Only you can save me from drowning, for you are all I have left. I long ago resigned myself to my existence, yearning for nothing more than to finally sleep. It was your face that made me remember. It was your face that made me suffer again. The fire within me has long since gone out; please, don't let me suffer any longer for the mistakes I once made.
I wish you felt me falling
I wish you'd watched over me
Please remember the good times we had and never the wrong paths I chose. Please remember for me, because I am no longer capable of doing so.
You said you'd wait forever, but I blink
And the world was gone
. . .
I still wake up screaming. The perspective of my nightmare keeps shifting. Often, though, I feel myself falling and see your face instead. The pressure on my lungs steals my voice. The whipping wind around my ears prevents me from hearing your cry of pain. "Vi!" I hear your voice. "You can't save him!" I know, because, I can’t even save myself.
I run through your head, loud with a nightmare
I make every mistake imaginable. I take every wrong path, and every step remains my own responsibility. "Vi! You can't save him!" Like I couldn't save you?
I left a piece of my soul behind, lost the meaning of my life. My compass was broken for a long time, for it could no longer find its north. Time heals all wounds, they say, but even after seven years in hell, my heart kept bleeding. How long will this wound remain before my blood finally clots?
Brushing your skin with my breathing
A breath beside me, reminding me that I have a new north. Can I ever replace you? Your words back then, so comforting, don't help me in my darkest hours. I received your blessing. A plea in your own darkest hour: “You don't have to feel guilty about being happy. You deserve to be with her.” Do I really?
Turn out the light on every nightmare
Run, you can run, you can run
The world outside is as dark as my thoughts. One single wrong decision. "Vi!" One single hesitation. "You can't save him!" It all ends in self-loathing. I never managed to look forward to life, only ever back. Why did I chase after something long lost? Why can't I just let go of the past!?
For a moment, I had you. For a moment, I had everything back in my life, that I had longed for all this time, and then, one wrong decision and
I blink and the world was gone
. . .
You said you'd wait forever
Your laughter was always so infectious. You and I were the Chaos Duo. The two of us against the world! I still had so much to learn from you, and then, in a single blow, I lost everything, just like you did.
But I blink, and the world was gone
I know you needed me, but it took me too long to overcome my own grief. I wasted so much time on it. I should have come for you sooner. I should have tried harder. I fought, but not by your side. I was too late.
You wade through the water
Slowly your hands grow numb
In another universe, our lives were so much simpler and brighter! Here, however, it was nothing but a struggle. Were we doomed to go from friends to strangers, only to end up as enemies? Were we never meant for each other? I refuse to believe it. I saw what could have been, and not with a Powder, but with you; my Jinx.
I wish you’d felt me falling
I wish you'd watch over me
Looking down into the depths of the city is nothing that frightens me. I know the feeling of falling, and I know the feeling of the painful impact. "You learn to walk from falling," a man once important to me, taught me. I learned to walk, and I learned to run, after all that, what was left was grief. I learned to fight when nothing but hate remained and running wasn’t an option anymore.
When you looked at me that one fateful day, and our eyes met, I learned something else; to believe. I believed in a better future. I believed in hope, and I believed in you. In us. Together. Forever? Yes, forever.
You said you'd wait forever, but I blink
Funny thing is; Forever doesn't exist. Forever isn't meant for everyone. Forever is only for the brave. Forever is only for the faithful.
Maybe I should fall one last time so I can learn to walk again. I was never afraid of the impact.
And the world was gone
And the world was gone
And the world was gone