Chapter Text
Fyodor Dostoevsky was a man of few words.
He was quite reserved, and kept many secrets from his allies. The only man he really trusted was Nikolai Gogol. And even he didn’t know everything.
But after working with Dostoevsky for a few years, he could recognize the man’s patterns at the very least.
For one, he had a tendency to bite his nails. This habit was quite amusing to Nikolai, as it was a small human weakness in Fyodor’s facade of seemingly godlike charisma.
Another little weakness was that Fyodor was not the healthiest person. He was anemic, and usually it was Nikolai’s job to remind him to take his iron supplements, since often he was too busy to remember. Fyodor also got sick fairly easily, and Nikolai was always the first to notice. This occasion was no exception.
After a DOA meeting in Fyodor’s current hideout, a small apartment hardly fit to have five people in it, Nikolai decided to remain behind and hang out with Fyodor. Partially because he was bored and wanted the older man’s company, and partially because he had noticed something was off. Fyodor had seemed a little more sluggish than usual, and his voice sounded a bit congested, thus, once again Nikolai took it upon himself to make sure he was alright.
“You feeling ok, Fedya~?” Nikolai asked Fyodor’s, leaning over beside where he sat in his desk chair, typing something on his computer monitor.
Fyodor grunted. “To be honest, I am feeling a bit unwell.” He admitted, not one to beat around the bush.
“Maybe you should take a teeny-tiny break and rest. I’ll make you some tea and we can watch a boring religious documentary!” Nikolai offered. Fyodor shook his head, not looking away from the monitor. “I will have to politely decline your offer. I have some things I’d like to get done.”
Nikolai frowned, removing one glove and gently brushing the back of his hand against Fyodor’s forehead, completely unafraid of what Fyodor could do to him. Fyodor too, didn’t even flinch at the sudden contact.
“Well, this won’t do at all…” Nikolai said disapprovingly as he pulled his hand away, putting the glove back on. “You’re running a fever!”
Fyodor’s eyes widened slightly, as though he had no idea. He probably did have no idea anyway, since he was so absorbed in his computer. He turned around in his desk chair, holding a hand to his forehead with a cute puzzled look on his face. “Really? I hadn’t noticed…”
Nikolai sighed, wrapping his arms around Fyodor in a hug from behind. Fyodor flinched slightly, but didn’t pull away. He knew Nikolai wouldn’t take a risk and try to hurt him here, and besides, his presence could be comforting at times, because Fyodor knew that Nikolai would never let anyone else hurt him. “~of course you didn’t notice!” Nikolai trilled. “You were too busy with your work! Come on~ can’t you take a little break?”
Fyodor sighed, giving in to his exhaustion. “I suppose so. The work can wait until I’m feeling my best.”
Nikolai beamed. “Glad you came to your senses!” Why don’t you head on over to the couch and I’ll bring you some tea.”
Fyodor nodded, Nikolai let go of him so he could stand up. “Alright, could you bring some blankets too? I’m a bit chilly.” Nikolai nodded enthusiastically, dramatically sweeping his cape in front of himself and pulling out a stack of neatly folded blankets. “Ta-da! Here you go!” He handed them to Fyodor, who smiled in return. “Thanks, Kolya.”
“You’re very welcome, Fedya.” Nikolai replied, smiling warmly. God, how he loved that man. He could kill him now, prove his unwavering free will, but killing a man while he’s ill was a bit to barbaric for even Nikolai’s taste. So instead, Nikolai was going to get him back to full health, and THEN find a way to kill him.
Yeah, that’s the plan.
~~~
While Nikolai made the tea in the kitchen, Fyodor lied down on the couch in the living room. He unfolded the blankets and draped every single one over himself. Because he was fucking cold and the man had rights.
He sighed to himself, curling up under the blankets, genuinely, blissfully relaxed for once in his life. This safety with Nikolai was quite tentative. He knew when he was safe with him and when he wasn’t, sort of like how you can sense when a cat is feeling either playful or calm. Right now, there was a rare sense of tranquility with Nikolai that allowed Fyodor to rest easy. To know that no matter what, no harm will befall him as long as Nikolai was by his side.
“Dos-kun, my dear! I made the tea~!” Nikolai announced as he burst into the room rather dramatically. Fyodor opened one eye to look at him, or rather, glare at him for making so much noise. Nikolai got the message.
“Oopsies! Sorry for being so loud.” He said in a much quieter voice. “Anyway, quiz time~! What type of tea did I make you?” He handed Fyodor a white mug with steaming tea in it.
Fyodor sat up slowly, one blanket still wrapped around his shoulders, and took the mug from him. “If you get it right, you get a biiiiiiig hug from li’l old me!” Nikolai said enthusiastically.
Fyodor smiled. “That’s a much kinder prize than that of your usual quizzes, if I remember correctly, you usually threaten to hurt me if I get it wrong. What’s the occasion?”
Nikolai giggled. “Well, I wouldn’t threaten to hurt you when you’re not feeling well! That would be too cruel, don’t you think?” He replied in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. Fyodor sighed. “Cruelty has never been an issue in your case.” He closed his eyes, tentatively taking a sip of the hot tea. “Hmmm… it’s a black tea, that’s for certain. Darjeeling, perhaps?”
Nikolai grinned, hopping onto the couch and wrapping his arms around a startled Fyodor. “Correct~! Your reward, as promised.” He said with a mischievous expression. Fyodor set the tea down on the coffee table, then he allowed himself to fully indulge in Nikolai’s embrace. “My, my, you’re being quite affectionate today, Kolya. Maybe I should be ill more often.” He drawled with a devious air.
“Oh?” Said Nikolai, bringing his face tantalizingly closer to Fyodor’s. “Are you… enjoying this?” He whispered with a grin that can only be described as deliberately provocative. He then rolled over to where he was practically on top of Fyodor, his right hand snaking up from Fyodor’s chest up to his fever flushed cheek and up through his tangled black hair. “Well? You like it?”
Fyodor kept his poker face, but in reality, he was quite conflicted. His mind raced. Did he like this? Did he like Nikolai? Well, it goes without saying that Nikolai was the one person who matched his level of philosophical thinking, as well as his level of insanity. Fyodor didn’t always feel safe with Nikolai, but… he enjoyed being with him.
“Suppose I do like it? What’re you gonna do about it?” He answered slyly.
Nikolai flashed a toothy grin, his eyes narrowing as he licked his lips. He climbed closer and closer to Fyodor’s face until his silver hair mingled with Fyodor’s black hair. “Hmmm… what am I going to-“
Nikolai was interrupted when Fyodor began a coughing fit. Fyodor pulled back and quickly covered his mouth with his sleeve.
Nikolai scooted over to where he could position his hand behind Fyodor and gently rubbed circles into his back. “Awww, Fedya’s so cute when he’s under the weather. Come on, drink some more tea. I added honey for your throat.” Nikolai chirped.
Fyodor gradually stopped coughing and, with shaking hands, picked his tea back up and took a sip. He held back another cough so he could continue drinking the tea. Whatever sort of strange… intimacy, was just between the two of them had quickly dissipated and was replaced with energy of a different sort. This unusual fondness they both felt for each other. It was much softer and kinder than whatever had just been going on. Nikolai’s face softened with concern and he reached into his cape (which no doubt was currently concealing a portal) and pulled out a thermometer. The kind that you simply hold up to your forehead and it beeps when it gets your temperature.
“Hm? Are you going to check my temperature?” Fyodor asked. Nikolai nodded. “Correct~!” He brushed Fyodor’s hair away from his forehead and held the device a quarter centimeter away, pressing the little button that activates the sensor. The device beeped and Nikolai pulled it away to look at the screen. He shook his head in disapproval. “38º C? You shouldn’t have been working like this!” Nikolai chastised. “Honestly, Fedya, you really worry me sometimes.”
Fyodor met his gaze and was surprised to see a look of genuine distress. Was Nikolai really so bothered by Fyodor’s carelessness regarding his own health? The thought made Fyodor smile. “I apologize for troubling you so much.” He said, his eyes soft with sincere fondness. Nikolai shook his head. “No, it’s fine. Just, try to take better care of yourself.” He said with a sigh, averting his eyes.
Without a warning, Nikolai stood up. “Well, I’m going to get you some medicine for your fever. And something to eat. What would you like?”
Fyodor thought for a moment. He didn’t really have an appetite for anything right now. And would probably throw up anything he tried to eat. But Nikolai clearly wanted him to eat something. And he found himself strangely reluctant to say no to Nikolai.
“Could we order something to be delivered?” Fyodor asked, taking pleasure in the contented look on Nikolai’s face. Since when has someone else’s happiness concerned him anyway?
“Of course! Do you have any preferences?”
Fyodor shook his head. “Not really, anything’s fine.”
Nikolai put his hands on his hips in a decided manner. “How about… pizza?” Fyodor smiled “That sounds good.”
Nikolai spun around in a circle in his usual silly manner. “Alrighty then~! Pizza it is! Excuse me for a moment.” He sweeped his cape in front of his face and in a split second he had vanished, leaving Fyodor alone. Sighing, Fyodor placed the mug of tea, which was mostly empty, back on the coffee table and wrapped himself in blankets, laying down on the soft couch. He closed his eyes, trying to possibly get a bit of sleep, but his nose was too stuffy for him to breathe properly, and he felt cold even under his layers of blankets, and his brain was occupied with thoughts of Nikolai.
Nikolai.
He was silly, and strangely human underneath his mask of playful banter, but he was so intelligent, and thought about things so deeply. Fyodor loved that about him. All the other Decay Of The Angels members barely stopped to question a word Fyodor spoke, or that anyone did, for that matter. Fukuchi had senselessly fallen for Fyodor’s“World War 3” ploy, Bram didn’t give a fuck about any of this, and Sigma cared about nothing apart from his precious Sky Casino. But Nikolai, his fight to prove his free will meant that he deeply analyzed every action he took.
But what about his impulsive intimacy earlier? What led him to believe that was a safe or even rational action to take? Or was it just another exhibit of free will? Fyodor, for once in his life, couldn’t dissect the meaning of another person’s actions.
And he liked it.
Nikolai, unlike anyone else Fyodor knew, could be unpredictable.
Fyodor suddenly felt the need to open his eyes, which could only mean he was in the presence of another person. He peered through one eye and saw none other than Nikolai, standing over him with a pizza box balanced on one hand and a box of aspirin on top. “Did I wake you up?” Nikolai asked. Fyodor shook his head, sitting up with a small grunt. “I wasn’t exactly asleep. Should I pay you back for-“
“Would you look at that? Dos-kun’s trying to be a gentleman? There’s no need to pay me back, however because I didn’t buy anything!” He waved his cape around a bit and Fyodor understood. “I don’t know if you’re aware, but shoplifting happens to be illegal.” Fyodor joked. Nikolai laughed. “Oh Fedya. You’re hilarious~!” He said as he placed the boxes neatly on the coffee table. Then he opened the aspirin box and handed one pill to Fyodor.
Fyodor swallowed the pill with the last dregs of his tea, then settled back down on the couch. Nikolai opened the pizza box and began separating two slices and gave one to Fyodor, who took it reluctantly. While the pizza looked good, he found himself restraining a gag when he looked at the slice. He also couldn’t smell it due to his clogged sinuses, making it lose much of it’s appeal.
Nikolai must’ve noticed the uncomfortable look on his face, because he took the slice back, placing it back in the box and smiled. “What do you say we wait a bit before eating, hm?” He suggested. Fyodor nodded, laying back down.
Nikolai noticed the remote control laying on the coffee table beside the pizza box, and picked it up, spinning it in his hand in a theatrical fashion.
“Wanna watch a movie?” He asked. Fyodor shrugged.
“How about I just put on some cable.” Nikolai offered.
Fyodor nodded. “Whatever you want… I’m going to sleep.” He mumbled. He was being uncharacteristically cute at the moment, and Nikolai’s heart almost couldn’t take it. He turned on the National Geographic channel (which, much to Nikolai’s delight, was playing something about tropical birds.) and climbed over beside Fyodor.
Nikolai covered himself with the blankets so he could feel Fyodor’s body heat against his own. He spooned against the older man, wrapping his body around Fyodor’s and allowing his face to rest against Fyodor’s shoulder
All Nikolai could think about at the moment was how close he was to Fyodor. He could hear every shaky breath as it escaped Fyodor’s lips, could feel the sickly heat that radiated from his pale skin, could smell the scent of his fever, could feel his thin black hair against his lips nose and eyelashes. Nikolai could stab him now, if he wanted to. He probably wouldn’t expect such a thing at a moment like this.
But that’s not even what Nikolai wanted to do right then. Forget free will, all he wanted in that moment was to melt into Fyodor and stay by him forever. Fyodor was his love, his life, his everything. Nikolai wouldn’t let anyone else hurt him. If a tragic fate must befall Fyodor, it would have to be of Nikolai’s doing.
Suddenly, without warning, Fyodor stirred. He turned around to face the man behind him, his demonic magenta eyes looking straight at Nikolai’s. “You really are being rather sweet today, Kolya.” Fyodor said softly, his breath tickling Nikolai’s face. “You sure there’s no reason other than that I’m unwell?”
Nikolai saw his opportunity, the pathway being lain out for him by Fyodor’s cloying words. And he seized it.
“Maybe it’s because I want you.”
Fyodor grinned almost devilishly, still breathing heavily through his mouth. “It would seem we are in agreement, then.” He whispered. He sat up, brushing his hair out of his sweating face. Nikolai sat up with him.
“Agreement, hm?” He muttered. “Tell me more.”
Fyodor leaned forward, pressing his hot, chapped lips to Nikolai’s soft ones. Nikolai felt a small shiver course through his body, and leaned in closer, grabbing Fyodor’s head in his hands. They sit there like that, lips pressed together, for what seemed like forever, breaths intertwined like an invisible thread, pulling them further into each other every second, then Fyodor’s finally inhales sharply, pulling back slightly then falling into Nikolai’s chest, gasping for air. “I apologize in advance, Kolya, dear. You’re no doubt going to get sick too after this.” He wheezed. Nikolai smiled, patting Fyodor’s head with a hand that, only moments ago, was caressing Fyodor’s face. Nikolai felt he was in some sort of dream. This couldn’t be real. It was too uncharacteristic for the both of them. Nikolai’s eyes were wide with shock, as though he would be transported back to reality if he closed them. However, he blinked several times and found that he was still sitting in Fyodor’s apartment, with Fyodor leaned against his chest, panting, with Nikolai’s saliva fresh on his lips.
“Even if I do get sick, it’d be worth it.” Nikolai whispered, rolling over onto his side and pulling Fyodor with him. “Glad to here it.” Fyodor uttered, his breath evidently still lost.
Their tentative peace had turned into a deep passion. And what happens when the cat gets playful yet again? When love turns into a reason for annihilation? Neither of them cared.
All they cared about was the two of them. right then. And nothing else.