Chapter Text
A star-child and a baby god walk into a clinic to visit a triangle. It sounds like the start of a bad joke.
“Are you sure this is a good idea, Collector?”
“Don’t worry! He’s chilled out a lot since therapy started. He hasn’t tried to kill someone in like, a month!”
“That doesn’t make me feel better.”
“It’s more than Mama Eda.”
“That’s… true.”
“Look, I promise he’s not a bad guy. He just has a… weird past.”
The Collector and King walked into the Theraprism, making their way past security dragging in a thrashing… something. It let out an ear-piercing screech, but the doctors holding it didn’t even flinch. King watched them stab it with some sort of gadget, and it shrieked, before collapsing onto the floor.
“Is it… okay?” They asked the Collector, pressing a little closer into his side.
“Huh? Oh, it’s fine. The doctors here wouldn’t do anything to permanently injure their patients. Now come on, we’re almost there!”
King nervously looked back at it, before walking up to the desk where a creature in a lab coat sat.
“Hi! We’re here to see William Cipher,” the Collector told it, beaming.
“I must warn you, William has a tendency to get violent occasionally. Do you have an appointment?” It told them.
“Yup! Here you go!” The Collector stood on their tippy toes to reach the desk, handing the creature a piece of paper.
“I see. Well, thank you for visiting. We’ll have to send a doctor with you in order to guarantee your safety.”
“Okay!”
The receptionist picked up a phone-type object, typed in something. Before long, what looked like a star in a lab coat materialized. It didn’t seem to have a body, and yet the star hovered where a head would be. It was tall, much taller than the Collector or King. A clipboard floated in front of one of the sleeves, like it was being held by an invisible hand.
It led the two beings through the halls of the Theraprism, past many doors. Some of them held a solitary patient, usually with some belongings, or craft supplies. Others held groups of people, such as a group therapy meeting, or doctors discussing things.
Finally, they were brought to a door with bright red words inscribed on it, reading ‘DANGEROUS. MAXIMUM SECURITY PATIENT.’
“Collie… are you sure this is a good idea?” King asked, nervously looking up at her friend.
“Don’t worry King. He’s my friend.” The Collector reassured him.
The doctor opened the door for them, and they stepped in. A triangle sat in a corner of the room, not looking at them.
“...Is that Bill?” King asked.
“I can hear you, you know.” The triangle spoke, turning to glare at them.
“Hi Bill! I brought one of my friends!” The Collector beamed, skipping over to where the equilateral sat.
Bill sighed. “Hey, Collector. Still living in the Boiling Isles?”
“Yup! Mama Eda says I’m her kid now. I’ve been living with her and Ray-Rar now.”
“Who the f-” Bill paused, glanced at the doctor standing by the door before continuing. “-flip is Eda and ‘Ray-Ray’”?
“Eda’s the one who turns into the Owl Beast, remember? I told you about her last time. Ray-Ray’s her partner. They’re the one who got possessed by Philip.” The Collector’s expression soured when they mentioned Belos, King noticed.
“Right. And who’s the kid?” Bill asked, looking at King, who was currently standing slightly behind Collector, holding onto his sleeve.
“This is King! She’s my friend.” The Collector pushed King out from behind them, patting him on the arm.
“Huh. They’re a Titan?” Bill asked, eyes narrowing slightly. “You told me none of them survived.”
“Right. I thought they didn’t. I had thought Mama Titan’s egg would have been gotten by those horrible Titan Trappers, but he survived!” The Collector told Bill, looking sad as they mentioned the Titan Trappers.
“Hmm. Do your siblings know about him?” Bill asked, looking at The Collector, speaking about King as though she wasn’t in the room.
The Collector's smile faltered. He looked away, shoulders hunched. “No. And I want to keep it that way. Don’t tell them, okay?”
Bill sighed. “Kid, how would I even do that? If I could contact someone outside of this hellhole, I would have done it already.”
“Bill. Please watch your language while you have visitors.” The doctor said sharply.
“Yeah, yeah. I know,” Bill said dismissively.
“How did you know I’m a Titan?” King asked Bill.
“Pft. You think I’m stupid? Look at you. You’ve got the horns, the eyes, the skull. Only thing you’re missing is the wings, but you’re what, 10? They’ll come in later.”
King stared at him in astonishment. “I’m gonna get wings?”
“No shhhh… -rimp, Sherlock. And I’ll bet you’ve already got that sonic scream. Probably makes it harder to play instruments.”
“Keleta used to play the baicsphone. They almost burst my eardrums with it.” Collector added. “Widjan was this close to bashing them over the head with it.” The Collector pinched his fingers together, leaving a tiny space. They laughed, thinking of their old friends.
“Hah! I’d pay money to see that.” Bill laughed. “So what’s going on with your siblings nowadays, kid? Still as- jerks?”
“...yeah. I went to visit them after I got released from that mirror thing.”
“Dang. What’d they do this time?”
“They told me I should’ve stayed trapped. That- that I was worthless. Curator was the worst.” The Collector’s eyes started to tear up, and they sniffed. King hugged them, knowing how hard it was to talk about the other Archivists.
“Damn. Y’know, I could beat ‘em up if you helped me get out of here.”
“You know I can’t do that, Bill.”
“Please refrain from trying to convince visitors to let you out, Bill. You know the Axolotl’s orders.”
Bill groaned. “Spoilsports.”
“I brought some gifts for you. Which is your favorite, peppermint or spearmint?” Collector asked, digging something out of his pocket.
“Peppermint. Spearmint is for babies.” Bill told him.
The doctor wrote something down, and Bill glared at them. “Really?! How the flip is my mint preference ‘crucial to the recovery process’?!”
“Please calm down, Bill.”
“Eff off!”
The Collector sat next to Bill and handed them a piece of gum. King sat down as well, noticeably on the other side of the Collector.
“Ugh. Doctors are annoying.”
“They’re just trying to help you, Bill.”
“Hah! Help me?! They’re just trying to control me. If they actually wanted to help me, they’d let me go.”
The Collector sighed. “I’m not having this conversation with you again. Killing people and taking over worlds is bad.”
“Hypocrite.” Bill muttered under his breath.
The Collector stood up. “You take that back!”
“No! You helped that high-and-mighty Philip kill a bunch of people, and now you’re lecturing me? That’s rich!”
“Shut up! He tricked me!”
“Yeah right! You knew he was killing people! You helped him plan the day of unity, all so you could have someone to play with!”
“Shut up, shut up, shut up!”
“Hey! Don’t talk to my friend that way!” King shouted, standing between Bill and the Collector.
“Oh, shut it, tiny! You wouldn’t know power if it smacked you in the face!”
“I’ll smack you in the face!”
“Bill, I’m afraid your visit will have to end if you continue antagonizing your guests."
“Shut it, galaxy face!”
“Collector, King, I’m very sorry for this. If you would please follow me back to the front desk.”
King grabbed her friend by the sleeve, and stomped out as Bill continued to yell at them. The shouted insults only stopped when the door shut, evidently soundproof.
“I apologize for our patient’s behavior. I should have stepped in sooner.” The doctor told them as it led them back to the lobby.
“It’s okay.” The Collector sniffed, wiping their face with their free hand.
The two stepped out of the giant crystal the Theraprism appeared as, and the Collector summoned a portal back to the Boiling Isles for them, not looking back.