Chapter Text
Five should feel happy. He got what he wanted right? They were safe, they were alive. His years spent in the apocalypse shouldn’t matter anymore. He survived. He made it. Life can finally move on as it’s meant to. As it was always meant to.
But it wasn’t the same. Not for him. He had plunged into the icy depths of time and resurfaced once more, dropping into this world as suddenly as an acorn falling from a tree. And his family. The great oak trees that they are keep growing farther and farther from him. Five was a sapling in the apocalypse and when you’re a sapling in the barest of fields you feel the tallest of them all. And then you look up and realize how little you’ve really grown.
Five never got to be a child. None of them really did but Five especially. Five’s always been isolated from them.
For people he went through hell for he didn’t really know them at all. He knew the scribbled drawings, the dumb games, the tests. He knew the way Ben cried after the fight at the bank, how Diego used to stutter, the soft sound of Vanya’s violin. That’s what followed him in the apocalypse and when he found Vanya’s book- that joined the place in his heart for who his siblings were.
He’d do it all again. He’d live thousands of apocalypses and do job after job for the commission if it meant that his family got to live.
Even if he wouldn’t be the same boy who left them.
That thought was the one that kept returning to him. How could they love him; how could they accept him once more with all that he’s done, with how long it’s been. And perhaps most importantly: if they would take him back how could he let them?
They didn’t know what happened, what he’s done, what he’s become.
The Handler made him a monster. He can accept that part was out of his control. But it didn’t change the rush he got with every new target. The relief that there is in the blade. The way his hands still itch sometimes for the kill.
His siblings didn’t want to love that. That wasn't their brother. Their brother died the moment he let himself feed the monster. Five was just the broken remains of a body still stumbling forward to finish the goal of a dead man.
And that goal was done. All that’s left to do is rot.
Life in the academy had returned to relative normalcy for everyone else. Not everything was the same. For one everyone seemed a lot more keen on staying close and after a few months Lila too joined them in the residency in the academy. They all fell into a routine of sorts. The days were characterized by Grace's meals, Klaus’s insistence on family time, and on occasion the presence of Claire.
Five fell into his own rhythm. He visited Delores when he could, begrudgingly joined in Klaus’s “family bonding” ideas, visiting Griddy’s everyday for a coffee. It was all very domestic compared to the life he lived before.
Most of all however, Five found himself listening. It started with Vanya who had come to him some months after their return to the present and asked awkwardly if he would help cut her hair. Five obliged and didn’t press for information. Vanya sat silently as he tried to remember any semblance of hair cutting skills he was forced to pick up in the apocalypse. Finally she talked to him as he was snipping the last bits of hair.
“What do you think of the name Viktor?” Five stilled and straightened taking a second to respond before speaking.
“….I like Viktor… it’s a good name.”
From that point on people came to Five. The next person who showed up to his room unannounced was Klaus, drunk off his ass. In any other situation Five would have been angry at him. But when he saw the state his brother was in he couldn’t bring himself to be a dick. Five sat with him as he rambled about Vietnam and a man named Dave and Five blinked him back to his room when he eventually fell asleep.
His siblings came for little things sometimes. For help finding something or to just chat. It had begun to confuse Five after a while. Why was he being sought out by his siblings? Eventually he concluded it was because they simply didn’t know better. If they did then they wouldn’t bother.
The most surprising of these visits however was Lila’s. Five has assumed that since Lila shared his connection to the commission, knew what he had done and what he was capable of she would surely avoid him. He was baffled when she showed up to his room one morning. She looked exhausted and angry pushing past him towards the bathroom attached to his bedroom.
“Move. I’m going to be sick.” Five did move, letting her walk past him to the bathroom where she promptly vomited in the toilet. He crossed his arms observing her.
“Did you need to be sick in my bathroom?”
Lila wiped her mouth. “I needed to be sick somewhere Diego wouldn’t see and I know you won’t tell anyone”
Five narrowed his eyes “That depends. What am I not telling?”
Lila vomits again before pushing past him once more to leave the bathroom. “Take a guess.” The door closes behind her before he can ask the very obvious question.
And so Five found himself being trusted by his siblings once more. Something he definitely didn’t deserve. Even so he let them talk. He let himself listen. Selfishly listen to the lives of the people he missed so much of.
Deep in his chest the monster purred, settling heavily between his ribs. A reminder of what he’s letting his siblings grow close to.
The weekend came and with it Claire. An energetic 6 year old girl, ignorant to the traumas of her family, threw the residents of the academy into a joyful chaos. Today she bounded up to Five in the sitting room startling him from his thoughts.
“Uncle Five!” He looked down at her. His interactions with the little girl were few and far between. He couldn’t bring himself to possibly hurt such an innocent child.
“Yes?” He once again startled as she grabbed his hand pulling him from his chair with suprising strength and leading him down the hall.
“You’ve been invited!”
“To?”
“My tea party!” Five couldn't bring himself to refuse, allowing himself to be sat down at a chair far too small for him at a very low table surrounded by stuffed animals and dolls. An empty plastic teacup was shoved into his hands by a beaming Claire who sat herself across from him. And poured some water from her plastic teapot into his cup. It was now that he was forced to swallow very hard and set the cups down so as not to spill with his shaking hands.
“Thank you, Claire. That’s very kind.” He blinked harshly at the stunning smile she gave him as he sipped his ‘tea’. A weight settled in his chest as claws clung to his lungs, a reminder that he doesn’t deserve this. Not after what he’s done. It’s only when he feels a small hand on his that he realizes his breathing has quickened.
“……Uncle Five?” Claire was sitting next to him now looking with concern at his face. “Is something wrong- did you not like the tea party…..?”
“No! No- the tea party is lovely, Claire. Really. I just need to go.” Five stood leaving the bewildered girl behind wiping the tears away before blinking to his room.
The pain curled in his chest clawing at his insides and letting him know just how much of a selfish asshole he was. You’ll just lose her too. And this time you won’t get them back. You didn’t even deserve to the first time.
Five awoke to the feeling of being watched. He stood from his bed as he felt eyes bored their way into his back. Turning to face his observer he found no one. He really needed coffee. Five exited his room walking quietly down the hall so as to not wake the others. The distinct feeling of not being alone persisted. Usually solitude was uncomfortable for him. Solitude was all he had known for 45 years. Apart from Delores he had no one. Five shook off the paranoia. He was tired and needed some caffeine. That was it. He didn’t need another panic attack.
The kitchen was dimly lit with only a lamp casting a glow across the room. Five made his way to the coffee machine. The brief thought about his siblings being awoken was disregarded as he yawned. Five started up the machine waiting for his coffee to brew.
Five rested his palms against the table staring into the darkness. The darkness stared back.
Five shook off the unease as the beep of the coffee machine broke his fixation. He got his mug and took a sip. The coffee felt thick and more warm than hot as it hit his tongue. The bitter taste wasn’t normal. It was metallic like drinking pennies. He spit it out and looked at the cup with horror as the red liquid churned as if on its own.
Smash
The blood splattered from the shattered ceramic covering his clothes as he backed away from the machine. Something was wrong. Something was very very wrong. He bolted from the kitchen to the back door, his intention to vomit the blood he swallowed but the second he stepped foot outside another sensation filled him.
His lungs grew heavy as ash coated them assaulting his breath. Dust pummeled his eyes and the heat of fire burned around him as he stumbled back attempting to find the door handle.
When he did eventually escape the crushing weight of the polluted air he ran down the hall. He had to make sure they were alive.
Five flung open the door to Luther’s room looking desperately for the hulking mass that is his brother in the dark he couldn't see his face. Five ran to him grabbing him and trying to shake the man awake. Blood once again stained his hands. Claw marks spanned Luther’s chest, deep ragged claw marks that dripped blood slowly. They looked old. Too old. In front of the pale light of the moon five could see his brother's eyes were open. Unmoving.
Five screamed.
The air rushed past his ears as he opened the next door. Diego lay upon the ground a knife firmly planted in his forehead. Sanguine bubbles crowded the hilt and with increasing horror five followed the trail of blood up to Lila.
She lay similarly sprawled with a knife in her gut. Right where the baby- fuck
Five couldn’t breathe. This time it wasn’t ash that filled his throat but instead metallic and viscous guilt.
Five ran to Allison next. Dead. Her throat lying next to her limp body.
Klaus too. Corpse torn beyond the possibility of afterlife.
Grace had been destroyed. Her wires still fizzling with electricity.
Ben’s statue had claw marks through it. Deep gashes that marred his bronze face
Viktor was gone. No blood had been spilled from his body but red marks where blood stained hands must have been decorated his neck.
And Claire- Claire’s little body lay limply across her tea table neck twisted horrifically. He took a step towards her trying to do something but the ground raced towards him as he slipped in the pool of blood.
Five couldn’t take it anymore. In almost a hysteria he raced to his own room hoping that at least his body would be there too. At least he wouldn’t be alive in this world.
Instead he found a boy. A boy who stood with his back to him. He wore the academy uniform and he was so young. Couldn't be older than 13. The boy turned to face the monster. His face marred with tears and his eyes full of rage. Five looked down at his hands- no- claws, blood dripped from them a vile display. As he raised his head he made eye contact with the boy, Five, the real five not the older, guiltier imitation who stood there blood soaked and wretched. His younger self observed him with an anger only described as pure boiling hate.
What have you done?
The monster jolted awake.