Chapter Text
They met in a lecture.
Groups were assigned for a humanities project that involved charities and Taehyun knew immediately that the other two assigned in his team were going to be useless. The fourth though, seemed to be willing to work.
They hit it off.
Huening Kai was an American born Chinese raised but of Korean descent. He spoke all three well enough, only occasionally his eyes would unfocus and he would lose whatever sentence he was saying.
To Taehyun, it was impressive, though he never mentioned it. Kai was tall and good-looking, when you managed to see his face behind his glasses and the curtain of hair. He didn't talk much, riding that thin line between shy and strange but was so genuinely friendly it was hard not to like him.
Taehyun had friends. A tight knit group that he had stayed close with even all the way from elementary school. They had long aged inside jokes and took yearly trips.
Huening Kai did not. Perhaps it is because he was considered foreign, or because he traveled the world for most of his young life, Taehyun doesn't know but it seems like he didn't have friends.
Perhaps that's why Taehyun thought he should be one..
A friend, that is.
He doesn’t know at what point exactly, but Kai became his best friend.
And when the year wraps up, and Kai starts talking about moving in with his older sister, Taehyun decides it would be better for them to move in together.
They stay together for the next three years.
He assumes there might be some sort of adjustment, a transitional period where he might have to see the less appealing view of his new friend, contend with the possibility that Kai might be annoying in close quarters. It’s a risk he’s willing to take in this new friendship.
Taehyun is pleasantly surprised.
Kai fits into his life seamlessly, like he made from a mold just for him. He isn’t messy, but he’s not uptight about cleanliness and his clutter is manageable. He shops and Taehyun cooks. He cleans after, putting each dish and utensil back in their designated place, dry. He doesn't make loud noises after 10, tiptoes around quietly when he rises early in the morning.
He’s utterly consistent with his routine, but willingly flexible when Taehyun needs him to be.
All in all, he’s perfect. When their second year is up, Kai asks if Taahyun is fine with him staying.
“It’s convenient for me if you do.” he had replied, swallowing back the instant intense shout of stay and if you leave, ill just follow.
That brings them to now.
The end of their years here are coming to a close even as it is just beginning. Classes don't start for another three weeks and yet Taehyun has already had several conversations with his parent’s friends, offering him jobs he can’t possibly do well in yet.
He is going to take a final trip with his friends, their last chance before they have to put on the uniform and enter the military.
Taehyun sends a quick confirmation on his text thread as he walks into the living room, and despite all that’s happening around him with the end of college chaos, Kai is like a pillar in the storm.
He’s in shorts and a hoodie despite humid weather. Taehyun has never seen him shirtless, even in all their years together. He’s so careful about it. If it were anyone else, Taehyun would think he was hiding something.
But this is Kai. Kai doesn’t have the capability to lie or hide. Not from him at least.
“We're going next week.” he says randomly, placing his phone on the kitchen counter that cuts the room before settling into their old couch. “Jeju.”
“Wow. Last minute, isn't it?” Kai replies, understanding the context instantly. He flicks his hands of crumbs and the chip bag crinkles in his hold, “I thought it was going to be after the exams?”
“Nah. Too many obligations, they say. Jaehyun and Tooru are going straight into service after they graduate so they want to do it earlier. It's not really an issue for me, I got the money.”
His parents covered almost everything for him, from apartment to tuition but he picked up a job at a nearby gym anyways. For independence, of course and not because of the employee discount.
“Oh.” Kai says softly. He’s American born so he is always careful about the weight of the looming conscription that doesn't fall on his shoulders. “I’m glad you guys are going then.”
“Yep.”
Kai eats a little more, and then rolls the bag up, clipping it gently. Taehyun watches him from the corner of his eye even though with his hand he turns on the TV and then picks a random UFC fight he’s enjoyed in the past. It roars to life, but not even the familiar sights and sound distract him from the dark head moving in the kitchen.
He’s leaving for a week. It's been awhile since he and Kai have been away from each other for any significant amount of time. Kai tutors in music, and sometimes is gone late into the night. Usually with his older sister, whose friend group is wild and overwhelming, sometimes with his younger sister, driving around the city in the car he bought for her.
He thinks about it for a moment, as he watches Kai putter around. He wont see him for a whole week…
Kai moves into the living room, looking over at him. He's rubbing at his belly, looking so unguarded that at that moment Taehyun suddenly misses him even though he hasn't left yet, won't be leaving so soon. He misses him even though they are in the same room, an arm’s reach away. It's strange, this pit of unease in his stomach when Kai is already there and real and tangible.
"So you'll be gone all week?" He asks, obviously not noticing Taehyun’s staring.
Taehyun nods, looking at the fight on the screen finally. He can't seem to focus. He needs to focus.
"No parties-" Taehyun deadpans, and he forces himself not to look when he feels the couch give way to weight. “Behave yourself while I'm gone.”
Kai is sitting next to him, shorts riding up his thighs.
Taehyun glances at him, but his gaze sinks down to his legs.
They are so long and pale. He tries to find something unattractive about them. He has dark sparse hair on his shins but his thighs look surprisingly soft and smooth. His curiosity sparks. What would the contrast feel like?
He’s barefoot, an odd intimacy Taehyun enjoys seeing. Kai’s toes are long and the sheen of his toenails makes him pause. Clear Nail polish?
Those toes curl suddenly, hiding out of sight and Taehyun glances up to meet Kai’s gaze. He’s embarrassed being caught but he quickly deflects, “Your sisters?”
Kai sighs, thankfully not calling him out on his staring. “They forced me too.” Kai replies, head ducking down.
Taehyun could see that, two forceful girls pinning Kai down and to force a pedicure, but he could also see Kai volunteering, mud mask on his face, in a robe and hair curlers. Sometimes, he lets the people he likes do anything to him.
“Anyways.” Kai says, pulling his phone out. “I don’t know enough people to throw a party so your apartment is safe.”
“Our apartment.” Taehyun corrects, “-you pay rent.”
Kai grins at him, endlessly charming. “our apartment then.” He winks and Taehyun scoffs but he’s endeared.
Kai sinks into the couch, eyes on his phone, thumbs moving on the screen with whatever game he’s playing now. He asks Taehyun the occasional question about the fight, cheers when he’s supposed to and all in all it's another quiet comforting evening for them both.
Taehyun enjoys himself during his trip. The sea, the taste of salt in the air, the food; rich and fresh. They mostly stay on the beach. He learns to surf and is already thinking of picking it up as a hobby by the end of the trip. He goes rock climbing and plays volleyball with European foreigners with his stilted English.
But at night, cuddled up in his bed he strangely thinks of Kai. Kai and his hoodies and the clear nail polish on his toes.
They don’t text much ever and Kai doesn’t have any social media so he doesn’t hear from him at all. Kai might never call him because he believes strictly in letting people enjoy themselves, but If Taehyun were to call, his roommate would answer, would stay on the line to listen to Taehyun talk incessantly for hours on end, never sighing in exhaustion or boredom.
He doesn’t call.
Instead, he decides to head home a little earlier. They had intended for one last night of bar hopping once they got back to the city from Jeju, and crash at a cheap motel. His friend's intentions had been clear. They were hoping to get laid. Taehyun grimaced at the idea.
It wasn’t as if he was a prude. A fine pair of tits and long legs distracted him just as well as any other man. He liked female athletes' bodies too, followed them on socials and traced the lines of their bodies with his eyes.
But sex was a different matter. Drunk and with a stranger doesn’t feel appealing to him. So a little after midnight, he waves at his group and takes his luggage and takes a car service back home. He’s buzzed but not drunk, pleasant and floaty.
He thinks about Kai. He’ll be asleep. He’s consistent to a schedule unless someone drags him past his self imposed bedtime. Usually his sister, or Taehyun, forces the hermit from his mountain to drink.
He’s surprised when he opens his door and the lights are on.
Frowning, he walks in, shoulders tense. Did someone break in?
“Kai?” He calls out and then whips around to the hallway when he hears something in the bathroom.
A handsome man with long dusty blonde locks startles from the bathroom door.
“Oh shit.” He half-whispers, “-need Kai? I’ll get him.”
Taehyun just stares, blinking like a lost cat at Kai‘s door where the man just disappeared through.
He can hear rustling and whispers and the creaking of the bed.
Taehyun should…. Taehyun should… what should he even do?
A moment later Kai appears, eyes wide despite the fact Taehyun knows he was sleeping only moments earlier.
He’s in a hoodie again, and shorts and long old socks. He looks devastatingly normal. It’s Kai. Kai is not…
“Not a boyfriend right?” The guy asks, looking at the stock still Taehyun and he suddenly recognizes him.
Kai shakes his head, “-my roommate.”
“Ah. Cool.” He turns to look at Kai, “Should I go?”
Kai nods.
“No probs, babe.” He shuffles off, humming quietly as he collects his things.
Babe? Babe? Kai is a babe?
“You’re back early.”
Taehyun nods. Why is he being so weird? Why does he feel like he meeting Kai for the first time.
“Didn’t feel like drinking the whole night.”
Kai nods back, but Taehyun can tell he’s floundering for what to say.
Kai covers his head with his hood, as the man walks around him, clad in only a t-shirt and loose boxer shorts. The man slides a hand around Kai's waist, smiling up at him. "I'll see you around?"
Kai's mouth quirks up in a little smile and then he nods, "Sure, Hyung. I'll stop by the dance studio with your pants."
He squeezes at him, then kisses him on the cheek. It looks sweet. Taehyun feels like his stomach has dropped into a black inky abyss.
He turns to Taehyun, his sultry eyes on him and his full lips quirk up into a smirk. " Kang Taehyun-ssi, right? You're rooming with the virgin killer eh? That sounds fun."
Taehyun just stares for a moment.
He knows Choi Yeonjun because everyone knows Choi Yeonjun. Yeonjun is who the school plasters on the inner student magazine, or puts in front when tv networks come knocking. His Instagram is in the millions and he walks around like it’s not an achievement.
Why is he half naked coming out of Kai’s room?
and ….Virgin killer? What could that possibly mean?
But he just numbly nods, watching the man walk to the door, slip his shoes on and then grab his keys from his and Kai’s basket. The one they both put their keys in.
That pisses him off for some reason. Like crossing some imaginary line.
“You…” Taehyun say as the door closes. He looks at Kai but then turns away just as quickly. Kai's eyes are carefully blank. He’s waiting for Taehyun to make the first move. “-you’re dating Choi Yeonjun?”
Taehyun's eyes have settled on his hand, sees the loose half clench soften.
Not dating then.
“Oh. No, we’re not dating.”
“Just fucking then?”
He tries to be nonchalant, putting his bag on the couch, forcing his mouth to smirk, to tease but it feels like the muscles of his face are sticky and unused.
Kai snorts, “that’s a crass way to put it.” But then he moves to the door to help Taehyun with his overloaded suitcase. Taehyun wishes he could dislike him for even a moment.
“Having sex then. It’s fine by the way, I don’t care.” His words jumble over each other, as if racing to get out first. “It’s just that he's really popular. Guess it took me by surprise.”
Kai stumbles with the bag, obviously not expecting the weight, “Wow, you don’t think I could bag Yeonjun-hyung?”
“I just didn’t think you would be into a guy like Choi Yeonjun. How did you even meet?”
Kai shrugs, Taehyun can see the tension in his shoulders forming. He should stop pushing this.
Instead, he says “All I’m saying is that it weird you never mentioned you’re fucking-sorry, having sex with- the university sweetheart. It’s something you usually mention to your roommate and friend.”
Kai has given up on the bag, shrinking slightly into his hoodie. “You aren’t… weirded out by the fact I sleep with guys?
“You would be best friends with a homophobe?”
Kai stares at him, not amused by the deflection.
“Of course I don’t care who you sleep with. It’s natural. What’s weird is you hiding it. How long have you been hooking up or whatever?”
Kai sighs, still huddled under the safety of his hood.
“With Yeonjun-hyung… maybe two years?”
That has Taehyun freezing. Two years?? They’ve been living together for two years. Not once did he notice? Yeonjun and his best friend have been fucking for two year under his nose and he’s been none the wiser? Two years!?
“What the fuck?” Taehyun looks at him incredulously. He can hear how ridiculous he sounds but he can’t help but feel betrayed. “You just didn’t want me to know or what-”
Kai shakes his head, looking helpless. Taehyun helps him out as usual.
“Is this because Yeonjun wants to keep it under wraps? He’s like… in the closet or something?”
Kai gives him a bemused look, “Junnie-hyung is the loudest bisexual I know. He just likes to… blow off steam.”
“So he’s using you?”
That somehow makes more sense, that Kai is being taken advantage of because his personality makes him an easy target.
The face Kai makes is complicated, “-it’s a mutual thing.”
Taehyun is getting frustrated, “You’re friends with benefits then? For two years? Isn’t that more serious at this point?”
He should drop it. He doesn’t need to know. He shouldn’t care this much but he feels like the world is spinning. Kai was…. is solid. Unchanging and unmoving. Even when everything around Taehyun is turning at breakneck speed he can always settle down here with Kai who is slow and steady and always the same. He doesn’t know a Kai that sleeps with hot untouchable men.
“It’s not serious. We aren’t… serious.” Kai says quietly. “We have sex because it’s fun. We’re not even really friends. At least I don’t think so…” he trails off, shaking away thoughts. “It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you, it's just hard to explain. And obviously this is your apartment even though you say it’s ours, I didn’t want to bother you with people I bring home. I thought it would be easier this way.”
People? More than one? More the Yeonjun?
“- he called you a virgin killer… what did he mean by that?”
Kai sighs, rubbing his face. He’s embarrassed but he never shies away when confronted and he doesn’t now. He sits on the couch, gripping the cuffs of his sleeves tight.
“Uh… I sleep with virgins.”
"Virgins." Taehyun repeats, knowing the word and yet not understanding it.
"Ah. Well not… not always. But yeah. Mostly."
Taehyun feels like his world is caving in.
"Uh… why?" He asks. “How?”
Kai shrugs. "My first year, I went out with a girl and we kinda realized we weren't really into each other but… we both wanted sex. So we did. She was a virgin and she liked it so much she told other people… and I don't know, it got around that I was good for a time. You know… um… comforting and gentle, I guess."
Taehyun nods. Like any of this makes sense. How had he not heard about this? He feels like this is something he should have known about. It feels like something that should be pasted on every bulletin board so that he specifically knows. They've been friends for three years! He could pick out Kai’s footsteps in a crowded subway and yet somehow did not know that he was bending virgins over? It's been two years since he has considered Kai his best friend but he is just finding this out.
“And you just… fuck anyone?”
Kai looks up at him, “You’re sounding judgmental.” His eyes are soft but it’s obvious he’s a little wary. “Not anyone. And not often. Sometimes, I'll get a call or a text from someone that knows me and ask if I’d be willing to mess around with their friend. A lot of guys that wanna… you know… Experiment. Or girls that have never done it before and want a guy they feel safe with.”
Kai looks at his hands, “I like sex so … I kinda always say yes.”
Taehyun can't stop staring. Kai is a… sought after sex partner. Kai. His Kai? Kai who still has a plushies stacked up in the bed that he doesn't like to put on the ground in case they ‘feel bad.’ Kai who eats about 3 dozen eggs a week and rewatches old cringing American TV shows Taehyun knows they must've been made for preteens. Kai who takes such hot showers he comes out of the bathroom looking like a boiled lobster.
“I'm not judging.” Taehyun joins him on the couch. “I guess I never thought about you having sex, I guess.”
Kai lifts an eyebrow, “Glad to know you find me hideous.”
Taehyun does not respond to that. “So you’re bisexual?” It's something he would never ask of anyone else but Kai appreciates his straightforward nature.
Kai shrugs, “Depends on the day to be honest. Girls are prettier to me, but guys are kinda…” he blushes, and Taehyun feels a shiver up his spine at the sight. “-I'm not really picky at all. As long as they’re nice, I kinda like anyone.”
Taehyun knows there is a term for that from his random researches, but he can’t remember what it is now. Its fine, that doesn’t matter anyways.
“Okay well," What can he say about any of this now. "-anything else you're hiding then?”
Kai's shoulders relax a bit, his death grip on his cuffs slipping. “I used your toothbrush by accident a couple of weeks ago. Total accident, I swear."
That has Taehyun leaping from his seat. “Fucking sakes, Kai! That’s disgusting!”
He wipes at his mouth like he had just used it and Kai crackles and waves his hand, apologizing again through laughs. “Sorry- really sorry.”
Taehyun huffs but he can feel his own face twitch with a ghost of a smile.
No matter what, they never change. Kai is his best friend, even with this new heavy knowledge that he fucks, Kai is still his best friend.
“Well, shit. I gotta unpack and apparently go buy a new toothbrush.” Taehyun says, taking up his bag and grabbing his suitcase.
“Sorry.” Kai says again, but his smile has faded to something gentle and soft. Taehyun can read what it is. An apology for not telling Taehyun his business.
Taehyun feels a pang of guilt. He didn’t do anything wrong really. Friends or not, no matter how he feels about it, who Kai sleeps with isn’t for him to know.
“I’m not mad at you. It's fine.” Taehyun replies, just as softly.
Kai takes it for what it is. What Taehyun is saying between the lines.
They really are best friends for a reason.
Taehyun leaves him in the living room, and goes to unpack his things. He can hear Kai shuffle a bit and then the door closes on his room. He’ll be asleep in no time.
Taehyun on the other hand takes a while. He puts his dirty clothes in his hamper, shakes out his jacket and shoes. He brushes off his bag and then wipes them down of dust and dirt. He takes out his bag of skincare and essentials and showers, grateful to be at home where he can depend on the perfect water pressure. He goes through his nightly routine, washing his face of sun and sticky bar air.
And then he picks up his toothbrush. Simple and orange.
He looks at it, one moment. Then two.
He sticks it in his mouth and thinks of Kai.