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“I'll do it.” It's out of his mouth before he even realizes he's said it.
Three women turn towards him, two looking hopeful and one looking just a bit concerned.
“Spence.”
“What? I've seen an episode of Mr. Belvedere.” He's also been researching child development, and he's spent plenty of time with Henry before, so it can't be that hard, right? Surely they can trust him to keep his godson alive for one night, Reid Effect or not.
“You've never babysat by yourself before.”
Emily speaks up on his behalf. “You know, uh,he could do a couple of hours.”
“What could possibly go wrong?”
Thanks for the confidence, Penelope.
“JJ. I have as many doctorates as years he's been alive. He's toilet trained. He has a bedtime. I can handle keeping an eye on him for the night.” He looks at her again, and smiles. “You deserve a night off.”
She seems to debate with herself for a bit longer - part of it is ‘mom guilt’, he knows, so he's not too offended - before she finally seems to capitulate. “Come over at seven?”
“I'll be there.”
***
He's knocking on the door the moment the second hand on his watch hits seven, and JJ answers the door wearing something decidedly different to what she wears to work - dark jeans, black boots, a black tank top and a leather jacket - and she puts her earrings on as she ushers him inside. “You sure you're up for this?”
“Yeah, I'm sure. Seriously. It'll be fine - it's only a few hours, anyway.”
“Yeah, it is. And-”
“Yes. I will call you if I need you. I know how to contact the emergency services. I did a first aid course six months ago. I've got this.”
Just then, a three year old tornado runs through the hallway.
“Unca ‘Pencer!” He leans down and scoops the ball of blond energy up and Henry throws his arms around his neck, giggling and muttering something that Spencer's not entirely able to make out, but he thinks it's about dinosaurs.
“Hey buddy, you excited to spend some time with me?”
“Yeah!” He screams practically into his ear, and he winces.
Then he leans back, and looks at JJ, then back to Spencer. “Mommy look pretty.”
JJ blushes, then leans in and gives Henry a kiss on the cheek, which makes him giggle again. “Thanks, baby.” Then she looks back to Spencer. “Numbers are on the fridge. Bedtime’s in an hour and a half, but I don't know how much he'll fight it tonight.” The slight darkness under her eyes suggests that that's been pretty common recently. “Make sure you read Goodnight Moon, too - it's all he's asked for the last few nights.”
“Got it.” He leans in and gives her a hug. “Have a good time tonight. And say hi to Emily and Penelope for me.”
“Of course.” She kisses him on the cheek. “Thank you so much. Next time you should come out with us.”
They both know she means it, and that he won't take her up on it, but he smiles. “I'll think about it.”
She gives Henry another kiss, heads to the door, opens it, seems to debate closing it again, and only actually leaves when Spencer literally shoo’s her out.
Then the door is closed, and he's alone with a child for the first time since.. well, since he was one.
So he turns to Henry. “So, what do you want to do, Henry?”
“Draw!”
Spencer puts him down, only for the little boy to run away giggling. He's still in his shoes and his coat, so he quickly takes those off before running into the living room, dropping his bag by the couch before finding Henry sitting at his coloring table. He's put out two pieces of paper and is concentrating very hard on putting the crayons out the way he wants them.
He goes to stand next to him until a little hand taps him on the leg. “Unca ‘Pence, sit!”
So he does as he's told, and sits in front of the other piece of paper and stares at it.
Henry giggles. “No, draw!” He waves a crayon at Spencer, before rolling his eyes just like his mom does and putting the crayon to paper.
And Spencer is experiencing decision paralysis.
He's just drawing on a piece of paper with a crayon, why can't he decide what to draw?
He draws all the time, but a lot of the pictures aren't…well, he wouldn't show them to Henry for sure.
So he decides to ask what he should do.
“Hey, Henry, what are you drawing?”
“Secret.” He's frowning at the paper, tongue sticking out which is incredibly cute - and every time he spends time with Henry, he thinks that maybe having his own one day wouldn't be so bad - and Spencer cannot for the life of him figure out what it's supposed to be.
“What should I draw?”
“Dino.”
Dinosaur it is, then.
He decides on a diplodocus - they've always been his favorite, if he's being honest - and the next few minutes are quiet, no noise except Henry making little noises to himself and the sound of wax on paper.
And then it's totally silent, until he hears something fall onto the floor.
And when Spencer looks up, he's alone at the table, and Henry's crayon is what's caught his attention.
“Henry?”
There's no response, and Spencer tells himself not to panic. He can't reach the door handles, not yet - and besides, he'd been told when he'd come round a couple months ago that all the handles had been turned upside down by Will the moment Henry had started walking - and the windows are shut.
So he can't be outside the house.
And then, he hears a giggle.
“Henry?”
Another giggle.
“Henry Roslin LaMontagne, are you hiding from me?”
Another giggle, and it seems to be coming from the direction of the living room curtains.
Spencer smiles, and plays along. “Oh no, whatever will I do? Henry seems to have vanished!”
He hears little feet bouncing on the spot and he walks very slowly over, making sure to make as little noise as possible.
And when he pulls open the curtain, Henry shrieks delightedly and tries to run off, but Spencer catches him under the armpits and holds the wiggling boy in the air. “Got you!”
Henry shrieks again. “Your turn!”
“Oh should I hide now, Henry?”
“Yes, Unca ‘Pence!”
“Remember what I taught you?”
“One, two, fwee, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, then!” He giggles in triumph and Spencer smiles, knowing that he doesn't actually understand counting yet, but he doesn't need to be able to for this.
“Good job Henry!” The little boy giggles, then closes his eyes and starts counting again.
Spencer runs off, determined to find a good spot, but then he hears Henry shouting “ten!” and he has to duck behind the dining table.
He hears little feet run around the living room, then head into the kitchen.
“Unca ‘Pence?” There's some toddler babbling in there, and a few giggles, and he thinks he hears him heading upstairs, but then-
“FOUND YOU!” Spencer jumps half out of his skin when Henry jumps on him from behind him, knocking him to the floor in surprise before he laughs at himself.
He's thirty years old, profiles criminals for a living, and he's just been outwitted by an overstimulated three year old.
“Well done, Henry,” he says, and pulls the boy onto his chest, smiling to himself when he just melts against him, and when he says, “fankoo,” he presses a kiss into the fine blond hair at the crown of his head.
Then he looks at the clock.
It's been twenty minutes.
There's another hour and ten minutes until bedtime.
It's going to be a long night.
He's tired already.
***
Meanwhile, JJ is worrying.
Her phone itches towards her bag, but Penelope grabs her hand and practically pulls her away from it. “Jayje, sweetie, they're fine. Spencer's capable of keeping a child alive for an evening.”
“But-”
Emily steps in, walking over with three glasses of wine. “Is she worrying again?”
JJ says “no” at the exact moment Penelope says “yes,” and Emily thrusts the rosé into her hands. “Loosen up, Jareau. They're fine.”
She sighs, and takes a sip. It's really, really nice wine. “Yeah, you're right.” She takes another. “Anyway, who am I dancing with?”
They're at the salsa class as planned, and Emily smiles before pointing over her shoulder. When JJ looks, she sees a trio of guys. When she looks closer, she realizes she recognizes one of them - it's Anderson, and a couple of other guys that he's chatting to. His arm's slung over the shoulders of one of them.
“Seriously?”
“Look, I swear, I just ran into them at the bar. Grant’s here with his boyfriend, the tall dark-haired one who looks a little constipated, and that guy's brother.”
Anderson has a boyfriend? Judging by Penelope's face, it seems like she's the only one who didn't know.
“Sounds like fun.”
Then, the teacher claps her hands, and JJ downs her drink before walking over to her partner.
***
Another twenty minutes later, and Henry's showing no signs of getting tired.
And he's also showing many signs of being bored.
“Unca ‘Pence?”
“Yeah?”
“Where Daddy?”
“Your dad's away for work.”
“When?”
“When will he be back?”
“Yeah.”
“Tomorrow.”
Henry pouts. “Miss Daddy.”
“I know, your mommy does too.”
Henry hiccups a little, and Spencer can see a tear running down his face.
“Oh dear, Henry.” That makes him break into full on sobs, and Spencer panics, pulling him in close and running his hand up and down his back. “Hey, hey, it's okay, he'll be home soon.” That just makes him cry even more, and he realizes he's a little out of his depth.
Then he remembers something he'd read about how to stop kids from crying. Soothing, affection, talking, and if that doesn't work…
“Hey, Henry, do you want to see some magic?”
He leans back, wiping at his eyes. “Magic?”
Spencer grabs a coin from his pocket and shows it to Henry, before making it ‘disappear.’ That makes Henry break into a big smile, and when he makes it ‘reappear’, he claps, the only evidence of tears now being the redness in his cheeks, and he giggles. “Again, again!”
So Spencer does it, and also runs the coin over his fingers, which makes the little boy gasp.
“Me?”
He hates denying him, but he shakes his head. “I can't teach you just yet, but when you're a bit bigger, I promise.”
Henry pouts again, and Spencer worries that he's caused another round of tears, before he just says “okay,” and then gives him another hug. “More magic?”
“Sure.” He stands up, throwing Henry over his shoulder and carrying him into the kitchen half-upside down the way he's seen Will do, making him squeal with laughter again, before grabbing a couple of things out of the cupboards one-handed - namely some cornflour, food coloring, and a jug of water.
He mixes the cornflour with the water until it reaches the right consistency, then tells Henry to stick his hand in. Being a three year old boy, he does, and he frowns. “Icky.”
“I know, it's really wet isn't it?”
“Yeah.”
“Now, hit it with your hand.”
Henry does, and looks really confused when the liquid doesn't go everywhere. “Hard.”
“It goes hard when you do that, doesn't it?”
“Yes.”
“It's called an oobleck fluid.”
“Oo-beck?”
“Yeah, oobleck. It means that when you apply force to the fluid, the particles compress and it behaves more like a solid.” When he looks at Henry, he realizes that the little boy hasn't understood any of the words he just said. “When you hit it, it goes hard.”
At that, he hits it again, and giggles. And then again. And then again.
And somehow, Henry defies physics, and there's cornflour water all over his pajamas.
Oops.
“I think we need to get you changed, little guy.”
Henry giggles again, but lets Spencer run his hands under the tap and then carry him upstairs into his room, and he even sits patiently on the bed while Spencer picks some clean pajamas out of the drawer.
“Teddy bears?”
“No.”
“Fire trucks?”
“No.”
Then he hits the jackpot. “Dinosaurs?”
“Roar!”
He helps Henry out of the dirty clothes, putting them in the hamper as Henry pulls the clean ones on, thankfully without a fight.
“Better?”
“More magic!”
Spencer sighs, then puts his hand out for Henry to take, which he does.
And they go back downstairs, this time to play with some food coloring in water.
This time, far less exuberantly.
He hopes, anyway.
***
JJ has had two glasses of wine, and she's spent an hour dancing with Anderson's boyfriend, Aaron, and he's turned out to have a very dry sense of humor.
She's not sure if she's a little drunk, or if he's actually as funny as she thinks he is.
It might be a little of both.
When the salsa class is over, she grabs her stuff, originally thinking she'll head home and relieve Spencer off Henry Duty, but then Penelope has an idea and grabs her and Emily by the wrist.
“The night is still young, ladies! I know a great karaoke bar that's just around the corner.”
And well, two-drinks JJ thinks that sounds like a brilliant idea.
And so does another glass of wine.
She shoots Spencer a quick text.
Me: Be home a bit later. Only a couple of hours, I promise xxxxxxxx
A response comes through a little while later, and it makes her smile, just before Genie In A Bottle comes onto the sound system.
Spencer: Take your time, everything's under control here.
Then, she walks over to the mic, and channels her inner Aguilera.
***
Everything is, surprisingly, actually under control.
Mostly.
Okay, the kitchen is a bit of a mess, and there's now a set of wet pajamas with the cornflour-covered ones, but Henry is happily snuggled up on the couch, curled up under a blanket in his firetruck pajamas as Spencer reads a few lines of Goodnight Moon.
“Goodnight comb
and goodnight brush
Goodnight nobody
Goodnight mush
and goodnight to the old lady
whispering ‘hush.’’
He remembers the book, remembers his mom reading to him once before declaring it “sentimental claptrap” and picking up Chaucer's Parlement of Foules instead.
Henry yawns, tucked into his shoulder, finally seeming to quieten down and getting ready to sleep.
Spencer might actually manage to get him into bed soon, if he's lucky.
When he puts the book down, a little hand reaches for it, and picks it back up. “Again?”
And, well, he's not exactly been good at denying his godson anything so far tonight.
But it's past his bedtime, and he doesn't think JJ will thank him if he's overtired tomorrow.
(Speaking of wayward Jareaus, it doesn't seem like she's coming home anytime soon, which doesn't surprise him at all.)
Spencer decides to negotiate with a three year old.
“How about you let me tuck you into bed, and I'll read it to you again.”
Henry nods sleepily, sticking his thumb into his mouth as he dozes against Spencer's shoulder as he picks him up and carries him upstairs.
Unfortunately, he wakes back up when they get into his room, and he spends the next fifteen minutes deciding which of his plushies are going to be joining him in bed.
While he's helping - by which he means, making suggestions and getting shut down immediately - he takes a moment to check his phone and shoot a text back to JJ, and he knows she's not going to be home until quite late. She never sends those X's at the end of messages unless she's had a lot of wine.
He then tucks it back in his pocket, and turns his attention back to Henry.
He eventually settles on Winnie the Pooh on one side of his pillow, Elmo on the other, and, in a move that makes Spencer's heart feel it's being squeezed slightly, the teddy bear Spencer brought back for him after a conference in Montréal to cuddle up to.
Spencer sits on the floor, fully intending to read the book again, make sure Henry's asleep, and then go downstairs and read the book in his bag until JJ comes home, but then Henry scoots over and stares at him in the dim light.
It takes Spencer a second to work out what he wants. “Do you want me to lie down with you?”
Henry nods sleepily, and pats the bed. “Like Daddy.”
Ah.
Spencer, despite being a bit taller than Will and approximately twice the height of Henry, somehow fits into the bed, and he lifts the book up, reciting the words from memory as he makes sure to show the pictures to the little boy who's draped himself across his chest.
When he finishes the book again, Henry is asleep, snoring very gently, and he puts the book down by the bed.
And that's when he realizes the flaw in his plan.
He's stuck.
There's no way he's able to get out from under Henry without waking him up again.
And also, the mattress is surprisingly comfortable.
And actually, he is quite tired.
His eyes close for just a second too long, and then he's asleep.
Of course, this means he misses the texts on his phone.
Will LaMontagne: Hey Spencer, thanks for looking after little man! Things ended early so I'm getting the red-eye back to DC.
Will LaMontagne: Not sure why I'm telling you - I'm sure you'll have gone home by the time I'm back.
Will LaMontagne: But thanks. She really needed a night off.
***
JJ's night, meanwhile, seems to be getting wilder than she'd planned.
First, she sings three solos at the karaoke bar, and cheers on Penelope and Emily for both of theirs, and then they sing Wannabe together at the top of their lungs, and somewhere along the line Penelope conjures up a feather boa from nowhere and drapes it over her neck. She doesn't take it off for the rest of the night.
And then, someone sends them a round of shots.
They're green, and cloudy.
And when they ask, all the bartender says is that it's called “green fairy.”
It burns when she shoots it back, the anise flavor familiar, and she shares a brief look with the other women before they all throw a hand into the air.
“Another round, please!”
And that's how Emily ends up dancing on a table, Penelope drunk dials Derek to tell him how much she loves her Chocolate Thunder, and JJ makes sure there's video evidence of both.
And that Penelope doesn't do the same thing to Hotch. And Rossi. And Anderson. And also, somehow, JJ herself.
The only issue is that when she finally gets home, it's seven o'clock in the morning and the sun is starting to come up.
***
When Will opens the door, tired from his flight but happy to be home, he's not exactly expecting what awaits him.
He goes into the kitchen first, needing a drink after the dry cabin air, and finds it covered in cornflour that's dried onto the cabinets. There's also a piece of kitchen towel that's apparently been dyed with food coloring. He grabs a glass of water, and wonders if he should start trying to clean it up.
Then, he hears a giggle from the living room.
When he walks in, he finds JJ on the floor, wearing a feather boa he's never seen before, rolling around and giggling.
He laughs quietly, then sits down on the couch next to her. “Have a good night, honey?”
She giggles, and whispers the way one only can when they're casséd. “It was great, Will.” She rolls onto her front, and giggles again. “Penelope and Emily were so drunk.”
“Are you tryin’ to say you're not, baby?”
“Nooooooo. Just a little tipsy.”
He leans forward and kisses her on the lips briefly, and gets hit with the scent of something he hasn't smelled in a while. “Did you have some absinthe?”
“Nooooo, green fairy. It was gooooood.”
“Honey, green fairy is absinthe.”
She frowns. “Oh. Then yeah, I had absinthe.”
“How much?”
“Five.”
Five shots? “Baby, that's a lot.” No wonder she's on the floor. “Want some water?”
She nods and smiles at him again. “Emily was right.”
“What's that, cher?”
“I did get the last good one.”
He smirks, and grabs a glass of water from the kitchen, before realizing that if she's like this, and if she's just got home, then it's a guarantee that Spencer's still somewhere in the house.
So where is he?
He puts on the coffee maker, and then goes on a hunt for a genius.
He checks the spare room first, and finds nothing, then his and JJ’s room, and comes up empty again.
And when he gets in Henry's room, he finds him.
He also takes a picture for posterity, before shaking Spencer on the shoulder.
Of course, it's Henry that wakes up first.
“Daddy!”
“Hey buddy, did you have a good time with Uncle Spencer?”
“Yes!”
Spencer, of course, is now wide awake. “Wha- oh, hey Will, you're home.” Then he frowns. “Where's JJ?”
“She's downstairs. I think you're gonna get a kick out of the state she's in.” Spencer smirks, and stands up, wincing when he tries to move his neck. “And I'll get you both a couple of Advil, too. That bed is not meant for people as tall as you. Or even me.”
“That sounds like you know from experience.”
“You could say that.”
***
Spencer can't help but tease JJ when she finally sobers up, and when they arrive at the finish line for Hotch’s triathlon, he lets himself enjoy the schadenfreude.
And, well, if he happens to yell just a little too loudly a couple of times, it's entirely by accident.
“Couple of hours, couple of hours…you didn't get home until sunrise!”
Penelope groans, and Derek mutters to him that she apparently called Hotch when she'd got in to cheer him on for the event this morning…an hour before his alarm was supposed to go off.
Spencer makes sure to buy a round of coffee for everyone after hearing that.
And he gets an extra shot of espresso in Hotch's, too.