Chapter Text
The rolling cart wheels squeak as I pull it down the quiet hall, heart racing faster with each step. I know exactly where I’m going— apartment 3A, the one Bang Chan and I.N. share—but my mind is buzzing with a thousand thoughts.
I'm not clueless. I know exactly who Stray Kids are. I know the smile Felix flashes when he laughs, the way Han raps like he’s breathing fire, the weight of Bang Chan’s words when he used to comfort fans late at night. I'm OT8 to the bone, but if I'm honest with myself… Felix is my bias and Chan is my ULT.
JYP knows I’m a fan, but through a rigorous application process, they realized I wasn’t one of the crazy ones and decided that my “noona status” would be best served tending to the guys. The official job title is caretaker/house support—cooking home-style meals, light cleaning of their dorms, making sure the guys have at least one adult presence that feels less “manager” and more “comfort.” Because I'm older, the company figured I’d be a safe choice—a professional, but less “threatening” to the idols’ image.
Which makes this even scarier. What if I mess something up? Accidentally leak something? What if they don’t like me or we butt heads and don’t get along? Too many thoughts. I realize I’ve been just standing in front of the door for a few minutes, so I take a deep breath, and knock on the door.
It takes a minute, but the door finally opens—and I nearly forget how to breathe.
It’s not a manager like I expected, its Felix. In the flesh. His freckles, his sunshine grin, that deep Aussie accent wrapping around a cheerful, “You must be our new helper! Come in, noona!” and he steps aside to let me in.
My knees wobble. He’s even more beautiful up close, and the warmth in his eyes is disarming. I manage to bow to the room then say “Annyeonghaseyo”, my accent still clumsy. Felix say’s “Oh, no need for the formalities!”
The dorm is alive with noise. Even though technically only Chan and I.N. live here, tonight it’s full—members sprawled on couches, leaning against counters, bickering and laughing. It feels like walking straight into the scene of a VLive. They’re all here to meet me and I’m supposed to feed them dinner for the first time.
Since no bowing is allowed apparently, I wave to the room and stammer, “I—I’m Narae. I’ll be helping with meals, cleaning the dorms, and just… making sure you’re all okay. I hope you’ll forgive me, but I’m still learning Korean.”
“Wah, English!” Han exclaims, grinning as he elbows Changbin. “Hyung, we’ve upgraded—now we’ve got a house noona!”
My cheeks burn as the group greets me in a chorus of voices, each member’s personality shining through. Lee Know’s sharp eyes linger for a moment before he gives the tiniest approving nod. Hyunjin waves enthusiastically, hair falling into his eyes. I.N and Seungmin’s polite bows makes me relax a little. Changbin smiles at me and pushes off of the dining table and that's when I see him. Oh my god its Chris. Bang Chan—I need to remember not to be so informal and say Chris out loud, I don’t even really know these guys yet.
He’s sitting slightly apart at the dining table, headphones around his neck. He doesn’t rush to greet me. Instead, he seems to study me for a moment—steady and unreadable—before pushing his chair back and standing.
“Thanks for being here,” he says, his voice low, warm, his Australian accent curling around the words. “It means a lot that you’d take care of us like this.” His smile is polite, but there’s a tiredness in his eyes, like he hasn’t had a proper night’s sleep in weeks.
My stomach flips, but I manage a nod, my voice wobbling as I reply, “I’m happy to help. I just… hope I won’t get in the way.”
He smiles again—a little less tired and completely genuine. “Trust me. You won’t.”
Before I can process it, Felix hooks my arm and pulls me toward the kitchen, chattering excitedly about showing me the rice cooker and his “secret snack stash.” The noise of the group swells behind us again, but I still feel the weight of Chan’s gaze on my back and for the first time, the thought slips in uninvited: What if this job isn’t as simple as it’s supposed to be?
After the quick kitchen tour, Felix asks if I need help with anything, and I reply, “Just need to get all this set up.” I start pulling everything I made from my cart in their heat retaining containers and he helps me lay everything out on the table. I thought for the first meal I should stick to traditional Korean fare, so I made bulgogi, bibimbap, plain rice, mayak boiled eggs, kimchi and a cucumber salad marinated with soy sauce, rice vinegar, garlic, sesame oil, honey and gochujang sauce.
I thought I made decent portions, but with all the chaos I can hear in the other room, suddenly it doesn’t seem like it’ll be enough. I know I look worried, because Felix is quick to reassure me that everything looks great but when I ask if he thinks it’ll be enough, he looks at everything and hesitates. “Maybe, these guys can be pretty hungry sometimes.”
“I’m sure it’ll be enough, don’t worry.” Bang Chan says as he walks in. He takes in everything that I’ve made and gives an approving nod and says, “Nice spread!” I smile and say thank you and catch myself before bowing, but he sees it. “Really, there’s no need for that at all. You’re staff. You may not feel like it yet, but we’re all close.
He gives my arm a quick squeeze and goes to call the guys in to get their food. I’m temporarily frozen and staring at my arm where Chan squeezed it {Can you blame me? I’m still just a girl after all and he is my Ult} and Felix notices. He leans toward me and says, “You’re a Stay aren’t you?”
I cover my face and a muffled “Yes” escapes my lips. I peek over my fingers and say “But don’t worry, I’m not crazy, plus the company knows I’m a fan.
Felix smiles, gives me a quick hug and says, “It’s okay, we love Stays! Then he lowers his voice and says, “Chris is your bias isn’t he?” I hesitate, but it feels so natural to talk to him and I guess someone might as well know, so I reply, “Well, yes... but you too actually. I’m really OT8, but you were the one that brought me in.”
He got what I can only describe as a “happy pout” on his face and with that, everyone started coming in and helping themselves to the food, so I backed out of the way and tried to be as small as possible.
There ended up being enough food for everyone, but just barely. Bang Chan was the last to sit down, and he starts getting what's left after everyone got what they wanted. He noticed I wasn't eating and he tries to share the already small amount of food, but I’m quick to refuse. “That's okay, I ate while I was cooking earlier.”
“Are you sure? I’m not all that hungry.” he says, but I’m sure that's a lie. He looked exhausted earlier and it seemed the thought of eating gave him a little boost, so there was zero chance I was taking any of that away! “No really that's okay” I reply.
Felix catches my eyes, and I can tell he knows what I’m thinking because he gives me a discerning look and then an approving smile. I’m glad he didn’t say anything because I look over at Bang Chan sitting at the table, finally eating, and I see him take a bite and then sits back in his chair with a little satisfied sound.
“This is really good Narae!” Then it seems everyone remembers their manners at once and they all chime in with “Yes!” “So yummy!” “Delicious!” “Thank you Noona!”
“Thank you, I just wish I thought ahead to make more, what a great first impression, sorry everyone.”
Felix says, “It's okay Narae! Just think of it as a learning experience!”
I think this will be one big learning experience.
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Later that night back in my temporary apartment, I’m sitting at my kitchen table with an untouched cup of sleepy-time tea in front on me. I can’t believe I didn’t make more food. I know everyone got a decent portion, but I feel like Chris didn’t get as much as everyone else. He's probably having to find something else to eat as I’m sitting here just so he can feel full.
My ex’s voice floats into my head, “Always doing something wrong or ‘half-assed.’ ”
“At least everyone liked what I made.” I say to myself. I grab my tea and take a drink before the voice in my head can say anything else. I may have finally found the strength to leave him, but sometimes he lingers and is still making me feel like I’m not good enough.
“Stop it Narae, he’s not here, he didn’t really love you and he can’t hurt you anymore.
He’s not here, he didn’t really love you, and he can't hurt you anymore.
He’s not here, he didn’t really love you, and he can't hurt you anymore.”
I take 3 deep breaths, slowly, in and out trying to ground myself.
I made it my mantra months ago, but sometimes, it’s still hard to get him out of my head. Maybe I’ll find a nice guy here and I can finally move past him for good.
One could only hope.
I pick up my phone and start my nightly TikTok scroll as I sip my tea so I can maybe laugh a little and not go to bed sad, and the first thing on my FYP is a Bang Chan thirst trap edit.
“Oh my god.” I say to the room and put my phone face down on the table. It’s a weird feeling to know that an hour ago I was just in the same room as that man. The trouble I could get into if I commented something the wrong way and somehow let it slip that I actually know this man personally now. I breathe in slowly through my nose and release, then pick my phone back up. Just like and scroll, no more comments for me...
The next few videos are safe, kitties doing silly things, a recipe video for a homemade pasta dish, well that looks good, bookmark “Thank you!” Then a Bridgerton clip, which I send to my best friend back home with a message that says, “Hurry up season 4!!!” A funny clip about a German mom and an Italian dad, an ASMR live that I stay for a few minutes for, a travel blog, an ad for a cute Halloween bag, a makeup tutorial with eyeshadow that looks like a sunset, another cat video, then an edit with Stray Kids fan-cam compilation for a Chk Chk Boom performance. The transitions were flawless, so I commented that and liked the video.
I sigh and say to myself, “I should probably go to sleep now.” I could probably sit here and disassociate all night, but I’ve got to get up early and stop by all the guy's places to see what kinds of things they’d like me to take care of at the dorms. I can’t wait to see Lee Knows kitties, I miss mine, but they’ll be here soon enough, just a hold up with their medical stuff back home. I go take my shower and do my skin care routine and finally crawl in to bed hugging my Wolf Chan plushie.
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The next morning, I've realized the guys actually keep their dorms pretty clean themselves, but I’ve decided I’ll do a full clean once a week at each location, that way I can take care of anything extra on the days I go over there.
They all seem okay with that, so we set up a schedule for Monday – Thursday with Friday as an alternate for anything extra, but mostly for meal prep, and then I head back to I.N and Chris’ place since I’ll be doing most of the cooking there until I can find a more permanent apartment with a bigger kitchen.
They’re all at the studio today recording, so I’m bringing them some food later as a mid-day break.
I let myself in to Chris’ with the key he gave me and smack right into a muscled chest! I look up to see its Chris of course it is and I start word vomiting. “Oh my gosh I’m so sorry! I thought you’d be at the studio already! I was just going to get started on the food for later.” I back up almost right out the door trying to make myself as small as possible.
“Hey, it’s okay!” He holds me by the shoulders and guides me back inside. “We’re not due there for another 20 minutes or so, we were just headed out. I.N walks around to corner, “Junbidwaess-eoyo! Galgeyo! [I’m ready! Let’s go!] The he sees me and says “Oh hiiiii Noona!”
I smile and say “Hello!” as I wave at him. “I’m just going to get your lunch ready.”
Chris and I.N say together, “What’s for lunch?”
“Oh, I thought just a simple chicken carbonara for today.”
Chris translates for I.N and he gives me a thumbs up. As they head out the door, Chris says “See you later!”
——————————————————
A few hours later, I’m walking into the JYP building with my little cart filled with the lunches and I flash my badge at the security to let me into the studio rooms. I say with practiced Korean, “Which way is studio 204 please?” The security points up stairs and to the right. I bow slightly and head in the directions of the elevator on that side.
While I’m waiting on the elevator, Felix turns the corner with an arm full of coconut waters, headed in my direction. “Hey Noona!” he exclaims and jogs the rest of the way to the elevator. “Hey Felix” I say with a huge smile on my face. I can’t help it; he is literally sunshine made flesh. Just then, the elevator doors open and we both step inside.
“Do you want to put those in my cart so you don’t have to carry them?” I ask gesturing to his arms.
“Oh, that's okay, this won’t take long. What did you bring us for lunch?” he asks.
“Chicken and bacon carbonara” I reply.
“Oooo noice!” he says, his accent curling the words.
“I hope so.” I say with a little shrug and a worried expression on my face.
“If dinner last night was any indication, it’ll be great! We should cook together sometime, it’ll be fun!”
“No pancakes.” I reply with a wink. Felix gasps and puts his hand to his throat like he’s clutching his pearls and we both break out into giggles. We’re still laughing as the doors open, and Chris is standing there waiting.
“I was coming to help you with the waters, but what’d I miss?” he asks.
“Nothing,” Felix says shooting me a coy smile, “just cooking stuff.”
Chris looks like he doesn’t believe him but lets it go. Felix hands over half of the coconut waters to Chris and we all walk down the hallway to a conference room where everyone is waiting. I greet everyone and start pulling out the food.
I start handing out the dishes and the silverware, and Felix notices the names etched into each of the lids. “Narae! Our names are on these!” he almost shouts.
“Yup, I just thought everyone should have their own special dish. I’ll wash them and that's what I’ll bring everyone's food in whenever I bring you meals” I say with a sheepish smile.
Thats really nice noona!” yells Han from across the table, already stuffing a bite of pasta into his mouth before I can reply with “It’s not a big deal, just wanted to do something special for everyone.”
A chorus of thank you’s erupt around the room and I say you’re welcome to everyone and as I scan the room, I catch Chris looking at me with his dish untouched in front of him. His elbows on the table with his chin resting on his clasped hands and a faint smile crosses his face that reaches his eyes. I match his smile and gesture with my eyes to his food. His smile widens and “says” okay with his eyes and finally opens his dish and starts to eat. I’m definitely NOT thinking about how perfect his lips are, nope not doing that
I shake my head a bit to clear it and announce, “Okay guys, enjoy! I’ll be back to gather your dishes in a little bit!”
Hyunjin speaks up and says “Wait! You're not staying? Didn’t you bring food for you too? You should eat with us!”
“Yes! Sit, sit!” says Felix while he scoots down making room next him with Lee Know on his other side moving over too and pulling an extra chair up to the table.
“Thanks guys, that really sweet” I say as I walk around the table to the now open seat. Why are they being so nice? Staff doesn’t usually eat with the group, do they? But I sit down and let the noise and comfortable chaos envelope me. It feels nice, just listening to them talk and joke around with each other. But then I can’t help but feel a little lost too, like I don’t belong here with them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The carbonara is good, chicken perfectly seasoned, and she even put little pieces of bacon in with the pasta too. Chris looks up across the table to see Narae looking a little uncomfortable. Her shoulders never quite relax. She’s eating just like the rest of them are but still, she still seems like she's primed to get up as soon as she can and start clearing away dishes. Chris can only guess that she doesn’t feel like she should be eating with them, since she looked pretty surprised when Hyunjinie and Felix said she should stay. She's sweet, and it already feels like it's comfortable for her to be here with all of them. She smiles slightly at something Felix says next to her. Chris realizes he missed what Felix said. What did he say? But then he's distracted again by the way she tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear...