Archive of Our Own

Joshua Pearce liked to keep an eye out on social media, a force of habit shared by many of Gen Z. He wasn’t the only one keeping abreast of news in general, not just himself. One thing he had gotten used to back when Cash ran his social media accounts was checking on how APX was doing, if asked, he'd consider it healthy now, of course he had to check on his employers.

Cash – now that he knew where his boundaries were – also looked after him. He also understood how important his team was to Josh. He wouldn't Snap him in the middle of a training day unless it was important.

Bruv you gotta check #APXGP. Dat shit's bad man.

Oh. Oh no.

Currently trending:  #APXGP #getsomegurl #KateMcKenna #SonnyHayes #RubenCervantes #womeninmotorsports #slag

He heard several ‘shit’ around the room – clearly he wasn't the only one keeping tabs on his employers – as he scrolled through screenshots of an article and reaction videos on Instagram and Tiktok about Kate's supposed love triangle. The comments on the videos made him uneasy, it's not like he hadn't read worse shit said about him before, it was because it happened to someone he cared about.

Josh liked Kate, she was his TD, she built him fast cars and once he understood what her deal was they got along great. She had rolled her eyes along with him several times when Sonny was being a regular middle-aged white guy. Hell, his mother had invited her for dinner once or twice. She didn’t deserve this. She wasn't in the limelight. She was cool, not that he'd admit it; the woman stopped designing fighter jets for cars, mad respect all around.

He could feel glances from the others in the canteen, chatter gettin’ real heavy. He was about to tell people to cool it when the doors opened to reveal the one and only Sonny Hayes, back from a training session with Luca.

The canteen fell silent, awkward. Honestly, it was the most British shit he’d seen in a while. Josh watched Sonny's reaction as it took the man a few seconds to notice that the unnatural silence was due to his arrival. Insistent looks fell on him, Josh wore it like a mantle. It spoke volume about the respect he had earned from his team.

Right, his team. He’d have to talk to Sonny in a way he’d understand then. No, not with a punch.

"Bruv, we uh...we need to talk, like now," he grimaced, hands flexing and straightening. He pointed at the door with his head.

Sonny deflated, abandoning his tray on a table as he grabbed the pot of grapes that he’d chosen for dessert. At least he understood it might be a while.

As soon as the door of the canteen shut, Josh’s hands started to tingle. He was twenty-one. Having been on the receiving end of hate and rumours before did not help him. Sonny's calm presence in contrast made the problem more tangible. Because now the problem wasn't just some stuff inside his phone that he could just ignore, the problem affected people he respected.

"I wanted to say first that it’s messed up, big time. She doesn’t deserve any of the shit that’s written on there." He babbled, trying to look as apologetic as possible. It was not like he could do much. Maybe a post about how messed up it was? Maybe he should get that checked with PR first.

"Right, context kid. Please." Sonny looked at him with his usual laid-back frown. Infuriating.

"You haven’t seen it?" This was going to be more difficult then. He opened the article and lent his phone to Sonny. Josh watched him read, scrolling up, then down. He watched as Sonny went through several emotions, incomprehension, disgust, further confusion and by the time he reached the end of the article, Josh would have sworn blind it was pain hidden under a layer of anger. He couldn’t help but notice his right hand trembling as Sonny held his phone, forearm muscles flexing, clenching, looking for something to break.

The worst part was yet to come.

"So that shit is like...trending online, there are a lot of people aware of this. It’s so fucking messed up." He was glad that some people had screenshotted some comments because there was only so much one could take.

Sonny slammed the phone back in his hand.

"Elaborate." Sonny shook his head. "Because why’s that shitty rag making stuff up important? And why are these assholes hiding behind their phones making a big deal out of it?"

"You always, always refuse to see it. It’s not just noise!" Josh breathed through his nose, willing himself to stay calm. "People like me and people like Kate had to fight to get where we are because hello, have you seen many of me and many of her around?" Josh weaved his hand through his hair, glad it was short enough not to pull, because really, he’d have gotten bald working with Sonny. He needed to ram his point across. "Shit like this tells people who don’t want us here that they’re right. That I’m just some pity woke hire from the ‘hood and she’s slept around to get where she’s at." Sonny’s constant refusal to acknowledge that yes, his mountain was certainly different was driving him mad. To his surprise, the old fart actually swallowed, having the decency to look embarrassed for once.

Josh couldn’t care less who Kate slept with, he cared that this stuff would affect her, not just affect her professionally but personally. The ever professional she was rarely mixed business and relationships, her and Sonny or whoever, well, it wasn’t Josh’s business, it wasn’t anybody’s business.

"Her sleeping around to get here is bullshit, and these ‘journalists’ know it." Sonny scoffed.

"But it’s juicy. Sleeping with the boss? Come on! Have you actually seen the picture of you two? Anyone with a fucking pair of eyes would know it’s not all bullshit. You’re actually becoming a meme." His mum was a big fan of rom-coms, he’d suffer through enough to know what that look meant. After a few seconds of scrolling Sonny’s hashtag he found one proving his point.

He watched as blood left Sonny’s face. The man looked so pale he was going to ask if he needed a chair or something. Sonny uttered a fuck, followed by what was a light punch on the wall, no damage to the wall or Sonny’s hand that Josh could see. Had he not realised how whipped he was? Pride and Prejudice level of obliviousness, or something.

"Go find her, tell her everyone’s cool with it, but like, when she can hear it, yeah?" With his job done, he went back to the canteen. He had the Belgium GP to think about, it always rained in Spa and he had tyre strategy to think about.

*

Being a woman in a man’s field meant Kate had dealt with a fair share of trash. It was a fact. She’d faced many accusations under the cover of jabs at her old work until she reached her thirties and then it stopped. Scrutiny into her personal life had been rather minimal even since joining APX. She’d given the odd interview in a few specialised magazines, given a talk at a local school and at her university.

What the Daily Mail wrote was something else entirely. Lisbeth had left her at her request after mentioning how out of proportion things were getting since the publication of the article earlier in the morning. Lisbeth told her that the company was fully supportive of her, that she wasn’t in any trouble and should she need any help she could come to HR. APX was going to release a statement, Ruben was rightly pissed off on her behalf and Kate could approve the statement should she want to read it. All Kate could think of in that moment was the board of directors. Ruben may have won more favours since APX was winning points but it’s not like he had a one hundred percent secure seat. The board was bound to feel uncomfortable, whether it was true or not.

After the door to her office clicked and she was left alone with the silence and the devastation of her personal life that the article had left in its wake. Kate looked at her phone again with trembling clammy hands, the page on the screen making a mockery of her recent life.

"Trouble Brewing At APX GP..." A collage of dinner pictures. Her and Ruben after they had moved somewhere secluded to talk about life in general, away from the incessant and loud partying. Of course anyone looking at those pictures would think they were on a date. How dare a bunch of adults have a chat. "Kate McKenna seen sampling at work." Ruben and her had shared secrets, alcohol helping loosen their tongues there was nothing between them, nothing, but no one would believe that. A boss and employee scandal could get a fair bit of ad revenue through the amount of clicks it would get. Of course Kate had to get on her knees to work in F1. What’s a weak woman who designed classified parts of an F-35 doing with cars? Cars were for boys.

She didn’t give more than a glance at the picture of her and Sonny taken during their dinner in Melbourne this year. The trouble when you didn’t want to define your relationship was that lines could easily be erased, forgotten. The sex was fun, the opening up to each other was good but..then what? Something cold had settled between them in the past few weeks. She understood the signs, she’d failed to see them before with her ex husband. Sonny had grown withdrawn, too guarded and it set off alarm bells in her mind.

"Hayes and Cervantes’s rivalry getting racy" followed by a short paragraph of their supposed decades long antagonism and that they were now fighting over her. It was so bad she almost laughed through tears of embarrassment.

She was hoping the words would lose their meaning altogether. As she’d find a mistake and would notice it wasn’t really her in the pictures.

"Which one will be finishing pole position for baby daddy?" Followed by a picture of her and a close up on her stomach. As if she had time for that when she literally had literal kids to deal with at work. Racing drivers were prone to tantrums, she definitely wouldn’t want that at home. She was also not allowed to have a bad day.

She had to stop, she couldn’t read anymore. The air in her office suffocated her, she gasped for breath but her lungs were caught in a vice. Acid bubbled in her throat. She walked out, stumbling towards the quietest place she could think of. Somewhere people wouldn’t find her easily.

The corporate meeting room’s adjacent toilets were always clean, fresh smelling, with fancy lotions, actual towels, real plants, fake marble counters and cold tiles. It amplified the sound her retching, her lunch, then bile, until she had nothing left but her tears. Years of hard work for this? The price for glory and trying to do something for herself.

Kate forced herself up on shaky legs to rinse her mouth before deciding sitting on the floor sobbing would be the best course of action. There was no way she could show her face out, not today.

A gentle hand on her shoulders startled her. Blue eyes and long blond hair were peering at her; the blurry face of Jodie.

"I saw and..." Jodie sat down next to Kate, finishing her sentence with a wry smile and a sigh. Neither needed to speak to each other for a little while, the understanding silence between them was deafening enough. Kate felt she should say something, something profound and human but she couldn’t. She kept cracking the joints in her hands to stop them from shaking. She wanted to plant her short nails in her thighs until it bled and scream.

"Ready for that sort of shit to happen to you too?" It was harsh, the younger woman didn’t deserve to be reminded it.

Jodie shrugged even though it brought tears to her eyes. She raised her hand like an eager school girl. "A grid girl with more breasts than brains, that’s me." Because a young woman like Jodie couldn’t possibly want to work pit-stops, it didn’t matter that when she wore her full suit she could pass as a man. People knew, now, and they judged and prodded and mocked.

It never stopped, her only escape would be to keep on hoping more women would join their field, to drown the bad press.

"Are we just the sum of our waist and chest to them?" Of course Kate had checked X, because it was one thing to read a slander piece about herself; it was another to inflict yourself the comments on there, more akin to self-harm. Kate hadn’t intended to become a martyr.

"You know, the main reason I applied here is because you were there, I’d seen you on TV" Jodie said softly. "You seemed happy." Kate bit her lower lip, nodding in acknowledgement. "You don’t need to prove yourself to the team, or these sickos. It’s like reasoning with a brick wall."

"Thank you," Kate breathed, the words barely reaching the other woman’s ears.

"If, well if it makes you feel better, you’re getting a lot of support online. You know, Susie, women in science, several actresses, influential people. The former PM of New Zealand has even written a post about you. Don’t think you’re alone."

"But did it have to be me?" Kate pleaded. The unfairness of it all spilling out of her chest. Jodie had no answers to her obvious rhetorical question. Silence enveloped them again, punctuated by Kate’s sniffles. Jodie stayed with her through it, right until the door opened.

"I’ve been looking for you everywhere." The rumble of Sonny’s deep voice echoed around the room. The reaction time from the pit-crew were incredible, Jodie was a credit to her training in that regard. Kate tensed and Jodie got up so fast to plant herself in front of her, hiding her between her and the sink counter the man took a step back and blinked.

“It’s the girls’ bathroom, Mr Hayes.” Jodie stood still, blue eyes staring straight at him, thin lips and almost a scowl on her face. Jodie’s arms were also crossed over her chest trying to appear more menacing than she looked. Sonny was very familiar with threat displays and to his credit, he took another step back to stand in the corridor, dropping his shoulder and flashing her a genuine smile. JP’s words echoing in his mind. When she’s ready to hear it.

“May I come in? I’m just here to check on Kate, nothing else.” The truth was, he didn’t have much of a strategy there. He’d noticed that things weren’t good at all after five minutes of looking for Kate everywhere and having to check whether her bike was still there. Now he’d found her but so what? He couldn’t tell her things would be ok.

"I didn’t want to be found," a sob escaped, fresh, too sharp in her throat. Jodie looked at Kate and nodded. The younger woman bent her knees so she could look at Kate’s face directly, searching for any signs showing uneasiness. Satisfied when she found none, Jodie tentatively squeezed Kate’s shoulders. She received a thank you from Kate as she walked out.

"Hey, you’re a champion at hide and seek, I’ll give you that." His voice, to Kate, felt like a soft, heavy blanket. They hadn’t talked in weeks, because they’d both been too stubborn, tired, and scared. It was stupid and immature, she knew that.

He sat next to her, close enough she could feel his warmth again, she leaned against his chest, seeking whatever comfort she could find. It’s all she needed for the dam to break again. Sonny engulfed her in a hug and stroked her hair, until there was a wet spot on his t-shirt, until she was empty and the staccato of her breathing was the only sound in the room.

"You and I are going to have a chat tonight, but right now I’m here." He kissed her hair, she smelled like almonds and cherry, unafraid of forging her own path. It wasn’t the first time he realised that her presence brought quiet to his mind. He might have come off a bit strong, he didn’t want to force her into a discussion she wasn’t ready for, especially not today. “If you want to, I mean.” He felt her nod and she disengaged from him. She put water on her face again, taking in the redness of her eyes and mussed hair.

"What is everyone going to think of me? You’ve seen what they’re saying, Sonny. What am I going to do at the weekend?"

How was she supposed to do this? Would the cameras linger on her at the weekend? Would journalists demand interviews? Reactions from the article? Would Ruben still want to be her friend? Would she be distracted during the race? What if she made a mistake? Would it...

"You're going to smash it in Spa at the weekend," Sonny’s hands wrapped themselves on her shoulders, pulling her away from the mirror and her panic. "You will do your job, and you’ll do it well because that is why Ruben picked you. You’re fucking smart, they’re just scared.” Sonny wouldn’t be the first picked for pep talks, it wasn’t his specialty, but he was trying. A lifetime of ignoring how people viewed him hadn’t been healthy, he’d never learned to take it in and deal with it. He had messed up with JP on this last year, and the kid had been incredibly gracious earlier when telling him to put himself in somebody else’s shoes rather than get his head out of his ass. “You haven’t got anything to prove to them, to the team or to Ruben. And especially not to me.”

Sonny had come to her, he hadn’t bulldozed his way through, hadn’t told her to just forget about it, hadn’t told it didn’t matter. It had to count for something.

Her phone pinged. It was Josh: ‘Fuck the haters.’