Chapter Text
Chapter 1
Simon “Ghost” Riley, considered by many in the close-knit community of special forces to be the most-deadly operator in England, if not all of Europe, dropped his bag as he entered his barracks room. He leaned back against his door and sighed heavily. The mission had been long but luckily uneventful. For a change.
He and Soap had been sent on a simple recon mission. Their task had been to confirm the whispers that Makarov was trying to recruit more soldiers for Konni Group. According to Laswell, there were heavy rumors of the Russian Ultranationalist, or his men being spotted near the outskirts of Athens.
Ghost and Soap had taken the assignment and spent the last three weeks watching the apartment complex Makarov or his men had supposedly been spotted. By the end of the mission, all Simon and Johnny had to show for it was confirmation of Konni in the area and yes, it appeared they were recruiting, but there had been no sign of Makarov himself. They had managed to get into the building and into one of the apartments where Johnny had quickly and efficiently hacked and downloaded the intel to Laswell.
After that, Laswell had told them to head back while she went through the information. Simon and Johnny arrived back on base in Hereford not five hours after the final contact with Laswell. They were immediately debriefed by Price before being cut loose. Simon’s body felt like led when he pushed off the door and made his way to his attached bathroom. Perks of being an officer; privacy.
Entering the bathroom, Simon systematically began to strip off his gear. Dropping everything in a pile near the standing cabinet in the corner to be dealt with later. He headed for the en suite, starting to strip his clothes as he did. With each piece of clothing that was removed, Simon felt as if he could breathe once again. As if he were coming back to himself. The final article to be removed was his hardshell mask. Now naked, he moved to the shower.
Moments later, with the first tendrils of steam wafting into the air, Simon stepped under the water. He groaned in relief as the hot water began to ease his tense muscles. Bowing his head and bracing a hand against the tile of the shower, Simon tilted his head left then right. To the world, Simon “Ghost” Riley was an unfeeling, cold, hardened soldier. His kill count only known to himself, Laswell, and Price. But there was one thing, one BIG thing that only John Price knew, at least officially. Simon was an Omega.
Even in this day and age, Omegas were often considered lesser members of society. Especially in the military. When Simon had presented as an Omega at the age of thirteen, his father had been furious. Had damned near beaten him within an inch of his life. His mother, a Beta and being a broken and hardened unfeeling woman by that point due to his abusive father, had been no help. She had all but turned a blind eye to what his Alpha father was doing. Was sometimes just as cruel as he had been to Simon.
Things had only gotten worse for Simon when at fourteen he hit his first heat. His father had thrown him into the basement with barely enough food and water to last an exhausting and painful week, only a bare mattress, and a bucket as his toilet. His first heat, alone, cold, scared, and in pain had been the hardest. Simon vowed to himself after that, he would become stronger, he would prove to his father, to everyone, that being an Omega didn’t make him weak.
He had taken it upon himself after that first heat to study up on what it meant to be an Omega while also working to tone his body to better protect himself from his father or others like him. None of the pathetic half-assed research papers or sappy movies. No, Simon only studied concreate research materials. Spoke to professionals and other Omegas, who actually knew what the hell they were talking about. In doing so, Simon learned that Omegas were in fact highly coveted. Or had been once upon a time.
Historically, Omegas were many times consulted on during times of distress because of their normally calming nature and nurturing instincts. Wars had been fought over them; fought over what was perceived as the perfect Omega. The perfect mate. When Omega’s number started dwindling unexplainably sometime around the eighteenth century and Alpha’s numbers increasing, many believed it was simply because Alphas were superior. Simon didn’t buy that, and apparently neither did others. Many theorized it was simply some kind of evolution that was yet to be understood. In the last ten years or so, Simon had read that Omegan births were on an uptick, which added more credibility to the evolution theory. Despite knowing so much about secondary genders, there was still a lot that wasn’t fully understood outside of basic traits that all Alphas, Beta, and Omegas had. Yet, humanity didn’t always do what was rational. Only the strong survive. Yes, that may be true, but strength didn’t always mean being an Alpha.
Over the years, Simon had come across plenty of strong Betas and more than one or two other Omegas, Kate Laswell being one of them, that were strong like he was, if not necessarily as big as he was physically though. By the time Simon joined the military at the age of seventeen, he had become stronger and bigger than his father. By then, his father had learned not to mess with his oldest son. At sixteen, Oscar Riley had tried to beat Simon again, but it had ended with Simon breaking his father’s arm and three ribs. Not wanting to be ridiculed for being beaten by an Omega, his Omega son at that, Oscar had not reported the incident and from then on, left Simon to his own devices.
Even Simon’s younger Alpha brother Tommy, gave him a wide berth after that night. Which suited Simon just fine. This had led to Simon all but cutting his family from his life. He hadn’t seen or spoken to either of his parents since he left. Tommy had reached out shortly after he had joined 141. He and Tommy talked sparingly that first year, but now they talked at least once a week or more unless Simon was on a mission. Simon was happy to report he and Tommy were well on their way to having the relationship Simon had always wanted.
Life may not have been kind to Simon, but through all his trials and tribulations, he never let the Omega in him die. No, he took it upon himself to nurture it as best he could on his own. Oh sure, he knew there were aspects of being an Omega he still didn’t know. He expected that seeing as how during his formative years after his presentation he was beaten and treated so cruelly, but that didn’t mean he let his secondary gender wither.
‘Will I ever feel completely whole? Will I ever have that life. A mate? Pups one day? Peace?’ Simon thought sadly, reaching for the bodywash. As he ran the washcloth over himself however, another thought creeped in. A thought he was never able to fully push away. ‘But what Alpha would want an Omega like me? One that’s only seen as an unfeeling killing machine.’
Simon had never considered himself what society considered a typical Omega. Most were smaller, more delicate in either looks or personality. Soft. He however was damned near six foot five, built more like an Alpha. Pure muscle and it showed. He was stronger than most Alphas, and on more than one occasion had put Alphas in their place. Especially after joining the SAS. However, when alone in the privacy of his room, only then did he let his softer side, his Omega side, fully emerge.
He kept a permeant nest on his bed, which he knew some Alphas criticized or berated Omegas for outside of a heat and even during. Built of the softest blankets, pillows, even one of two of Prices’ shirts. On the 141 only Price knew officially that he was an Omega. Gaz, the team’s Beta might suspect but said nothing. Johnny, however just assumed Simon was an Alpha like him and Price. It left Simon’s Omega hurt that he didn’t let at least Johnny in.
Simon shook his head, pushing THOSE thought away. No, he didn’t need to go down that road; not again. He quickly finished his shower before grabbing one of the soft fluffy towels he preferred. Drying off, Simon stepped out of the shower and pulled on the sweats and hoodie he brought with him.
Once dressed, Simon methodically gathered his clothes from the mission and dumped them into his hamper. Price had told him he and Johnny had the next day off to rest. He would handle the laundry then. After dumping his dirty field clothes into the hamper, Simon turned and paused. Taking two steps, he studied himself in the bathroom mirror. Not something he did often. His face reflecting back at him. He rarely considered his appearance these days, what with him wearing a mask nearly 99% of the time.
Turning his head left, then right, he took a few moments to study himself. His dark blonde almost brown hair was usually cut in what American Marines called high and tight but was slightly overgrown now from three weeks in the field. He felt it suited him to be honest, in that moment at least. It gave him a softer look, and he figured he’d let it go. For now, anyway. His eyes were brown, but a light brown color that reminded him of his favorite drink. Bourbon. He supposed he would be considered handsome. A high Roman nose, with a slight bend where it had been broken once during selection when a knot headed Alpha tried to scruff him as a show of dominance and Simon fought back. He walked away with a broken nose, but the Alpha spent a week in medical and was immediately transferred for unbecoming behavior.
His skin, while a bit paler than most due to his mask and staying mostly covered all the time, wasn’t what he’dconsider smooth. His face free of blemishes mostly with one exception. A single scar ran along the curve of his cheek from where an enemy managed to get close enough and slashed at him with a large hunting knife. The rest of his body, while muscular and strong also bore evidence of the life he led as a special forces operator. Bullet wounds, knife wounds, a few scars from shrapnel when the enemy got creative with explosives. Not typical of an Omega; in his opinion anyway.
After casting one last look at the mirror, Simon turned and exited the bathroom. Entering the main room, Simon let out a content little chip before slipping into his nest. The soft comforts of his nest relaxing him the rest of the way. He grabbed his laptop from the nightstand, after snuggling under his favorite blanket, loaded up one of his favorite movies, Love Actually, and settled in for a relaxing evening.
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Simon gathered his things from the dryer and placing them on the table. He had woken up that morning feeling rested. For once he had managed to sleep through the night without any disruption. A rarity for him. Most nights, his mind tended to plague him with not really nightmares, but unhappy dreams of being alone for the rest of his life, of losing one of his teammates because he hadn’t got there in time or missed someone while on overwatch. The previous night however was just blissful nothingness. A full night of much needed sleep.
“Mornin’ Ghost.” Johnny greeted cheerfully, walking in carrying his own laundry.
“Johnny.” Simon nodded.
“No’ gonna lie, fel’ good ta sleep in my own bed last night.” Johnny smiled, dumping his stuff in an open washer.
“Same here.” Simon agreed.
“What’s your plans for the day off LT?” Johnny inquired, as he fiddled with the knobs of the washer.
“Haven’t thought much beyond getting my laundry done to be honest. Might hit the gym later.” Simon shrugged.
“Gaz and I were thinkin’ of poppin’ into town for a bit. Wanna come with?” Johnny offered.
Simon fought not to react as he continued folding his clothes. He wanted to, almost desperately, but no. He couldn’t do that. “Thanks, but not this time.”
“Suit yerself, maybe next time aye?” Johnny replied.
“Sure, maybe next time.” Simon nodded, placing the last of his clothes in his basket before grabbing it. “See ya later Johnny. Enjoy your outing with Gaz.”
“See ya LT.” Johnny grinned, offering a two fingered salute.
Holding his basket, Simon calmly left the laundry room yet inside his Omega was all but whimpering. It took everything in him to not turn around and accept Johnny’s offer, but he fought it. When Price had brought the younger Alpha onto the team almost three years ago, Simon’s Omega had done something that it had never done before. His Omega sat up and fucking took notice of the energetic, confident, and gorgeous Scottish demolition expert and sniper.
However, as he did with everyone but Price, Simon kept the truth about his secondary gender to himself. A part of Simon had been slightly scared at just how instantly his Omega had all but screamed THAT ONE. MINE. OURS.when Johnny was brought on. He had never had such a visceral reaction to any Alpha. His typical reaction to unknown Alphas was trepidation and wariness, but not with Johnny. Simon had initially thought maybe it was just Johnny’s personality, but the more they worked together, his attraction to the Alpha had only grown.
Simon entered his room, sat his laundry basket to the side and after kicking off his shoes, slipped back into his nest and without even thinking, he pulled one of his plush body pillows into his arms. God how he wished the pillow was a certain Scotsman with a ridiculous mohawk that actually suited him. He sighed, letting his eyes close and his mind wander. Thinking of things that he was so sure he would never have.
Simon must have fallen asleep because when his eyes opened again, he glanced at his phone and saw it had been nearly two hours since he had returned to his room and almost time for lunch. Rubbing his eyes, he released his hold on the body pillow and sat up. Slowly, Simon slipped from his nest, stretching as he did. It was rare for him to nap so to speak when on base. Deciding to head to the mess for lunch before it got too crowded, then maybe hit the gym for a bit, he moved to his dresser.
He quickly changed into his workout clothes. A long-sleeved compression shirt and sweats. He pulled on his trainers and after pulling on a plain black mask, making sure his earbuds were fully charged and in his pocket, he exited his room, making sure the door was locked behind him. Simon encountered no one as he headed for the mess.
“Hello Ghost.”
Simon turned and saw Price approaching him. “Price.”
“Enjoying your day off?” Price smiled gently.
“Just woke up after I did my laundry. I laid down and only meant to relax but ended up falling asleep. Guess I needed it. Can’t remember the last time, if ever, I had a nap while still on base.” Simon shrugged, not missing the surprised look on his captain’s face.
“You don’t say.” Price said as they entered the mess together.
“It was strange. Soap came in as I was foldin’ my things and asked if I wanted to join him and Gaz into town. I obviously refused.”
Price sighed as they joined the food line. “Simon, son, when are you gonna—”
Simon stiffened, “Price, we’ve had this conversation.”
“And I’ll say now what I said then, you’re bein’ a knot head.” Price countered.
Simon remained silent as they grabbed their lunch. Price tilted his head towards the doors and Simon knew he wasn’t escaping this conversation. Resigning himself, he nodded and followed his captain. Moments later, they were in the privacy of Price’s office, their lunches on Price’s desk.
“Simon, I still don’t understand,” Price began unwrapping his sandwich, “why you don’t just tell John the truth. Especially after all this time. Thought you trusted him?”
“Price, I DO trust him, probably more so than even you. I just don’t see a way that Soap would take that news well. That I’ve been lying to him since the day we met. He’d—if not hate me, he would definitely no longer trust me. Not like he currently does anyway.” Simon replied, his voice reflecting his sadness and distress at the very idea.
Price sat up straighter as he sensed and smelled the slight aroma of the Omega’s distress. He frowned, “Simon, are you wearing scent patches?”
“Yeah, I always wear them, why?” Simon huffed before taking a bite of his sandwich.
“After you eat, you might want to swing by medical for new ones. It’s subtle, but just now I could smell your distress. If you really want to keep your secondary gender secret, I suggest you throw out your current patches and request the strongest ones medical has. Tell them I ordered it if they give you and shit about the request.” Price explained.
“Fuckin’ hell.” Simon groaned, finally catching his own scent.
“Son, I want to know the truth here. Why are you really afraid to let John know the truth? Or Gaz for that matter? What are you scared of?” Price asked softly.
Simon took another bite as he thought about what his Captain was asking. Why was he really scared? After swallowing, he sighs heavily. “Price, I worked so damned hard to get where I am now. Had to fight my way up since I first presented. More so after I joined up and saw how Omegas were treated by most of the higher ups. As selfish as it is, I don’t want all the years I’ve dedicated to making myself strong, the years I’ve dedicated to my career, to suddenly be questioned or worse have my reputation as an officer to be tarnished because some jack-ass bigoted Alpha higher-up feels as an Omega, I’m unfit. And don’t argue. You and I have both seen it. Second right behind that is I’m scared of losing the trust and well, just the relationship Johnny and I have built now. You saw how long it took for he and I to get to where we are now. I don’t want to hurt him because I lied. Same with Gaz. That and I’m scared of bein’ hurt.”
The office fell silent as both men sat there, eating their lunches and processing what Simon had voiced. Neither mentioning just how quiet Simon’s voice had been at saying he was scared of being hurt. Simon couldn’t bring himself to look at the Alpha, having never really been fully comfortable with exposing so much of himself. Which had left part of him confused. From all of his research, he had come to the conclusion that typically Omegas were pretty open in that way. Again, having not had crucial training and nurturing during those formative years, Simon just didn’t know what to think about that.
It was Price who broke the contemplative silence between them. “Simon, son, I can see why and where you would feel the way you do. I can. As for your military record, it speaks for itself, and I will fight like hell against any asshole who dares to try and besmirch your reputation and all you’ve achieved. I know Kate and Gaz will back me and fight for you too. Think it’s safe to say John would as well.”
“What do you mean by that?” Simon asked.
Price scoffed, “Simon have you ever noticed how the lad looks at you? I mean really paid attention. And this brings me to your concerns about letting him in. John “Soap” MacTavish looks at you like you hang the bloody fuckin’ moon. Even though he believes you’re an Alpha. I honestly believe if you told him, it wouldn’t make a damned bit of difference to the man and that he would understand if he knew the why of it.”
“You’re off your rocker Price.” Simon argued, despite the hope blooming in his chest.
“Says you, but I know what I see when he looks at you.” Price shrugged. “As for your relationship, you being an Alpha or Omega wouldn’t matter to him. John could care less about someone’s secondary gender. Surely, you’veseen that for yourself.”
Simon fell silent again. He had seen Johnny interact with others and had noticed that unlike most other Alphas, Johnny treated everyone the same. Like his equals. If one treated Johnny fairly, with respect and friendship, Johnny returned it. If someone betrayed or burned him, like Graves and Sheperd had done, or if one hurt innocents like Makarov, Johnny was ruthless and was cold and full Alpha. No one could say that Johnny wasn’t protective of those he deems worthy.
By the time Simon left Price to continue with his Captain’s duties, Simon’s mind was anything but settled. In fact, his mind was in an even more of a jumble than ever. Was Price, right? Would Johnny even care if he knew that Simon was an Omega and not the Alpha that he and everyone else believed? Not wanting to think about it anymore, he headed first to medical for the new patches. After ducking into his room, he swiped his old ones and replaced them with the new before throwing away the rest of the old patches. That task done; he headed for the gym to take his frustration out on the equipment there.
After a solid two hours working out, he returned to his room for a shower. Simon spent the rest of the afternoon in his room and spent just bouncing between watching movies and finishing the last of his paperwork. He made an appearance at dinner where he sat with Johnny and Gaz, calmly listening to Johnny tell him about their jaunt to town. By the time he returned to his room, the earlier conversation with Price and frustration of said conversation, was gone. Curling up in his nest, Simon fell asleep. And curled up around the body pillow. Hoping for another peaceful and restful sleep.
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Simon stood still as a statue in front of Johnny. They were outside the barracks having a smoke when Simon decided to tell him the truth. After he finished speaking, he finally shifted his gaze to lock onto the Alpha. Gone was the normal carefree expression. In its place was probably one of the coldest looks he had ever seen on the man. Second only to the look he had when he saw that Graves was alive and had not been in the tank Johnny had blown up in Mexico.
“Johnny I—” Simon started.
Johnny growled, low and deep. An Alpha sound of anger and challenge. Simon’s whole body froze, his heart both pounding and breaking. He fought to keep his body from reacting. Like turning on his heel and running away as fast as he could. He could only wait for Johnny to say or do something. Anything.
“You fucking LIED to me. To ME. Since the day we met on the goddamned mission to hunt Hassan. I thought you trusted me, Ghost.” Johnny spit out.
“I do! Johnny, I trust you more than anyone.” Simon argued.
“Then WHY?” Johnny demanded.
“Because I was scared. Scared of losing your trust. Scared of being treated differently just because I’m an Omega instead of being treated like Simon. Of ruinin’ what we have.” Simon answered, hearing his voice waver.
“Well, you succeeded. I dinnae ken how I can trust ya. I’ll follow ya into the field, yer still my Lieutenant, but off the field—I dinnae think I can trust ya anymore. To ken if yer tellin’ me tha truth.” Johnny stated, his blue eyes narrowing.
“Johnny—”
“NO! Ya dinnae get to call me Johnny anymore.” Johnny barked.
Simon could only watch, his Omega all but screaming in pain, as Johnny spun on his heel and stalked away. The air filled with the acrid smell of Johnny’s anger. Anger that was directed at him. Anger that he, Simon Riley, had caused. Once Johnny rounded the corner of the building, Simon’s arms wrapped around himself as he dropped heavily to his knees. Ignoring the pain it caused.
Holding himself tightly, his Omega curling into a ball in the corner of his mind whining in pure pain. As his tears began falling, Simon started rocking back and forth. His whole world shattering as he had watched his Johnny turn and walk away from him.
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Simon jerked upright, gasping for air clutching the body pillow. His body trembling as the nightmare faded. The feeling of the pain of Johnny walking away and telling him he could no longer trust him was still running through him. With a trembling hand, Simon reached over to click on his bedside lamp. He desperately tried to tell himself it was only a dream. There was no way Johnny would be that cruel to him. That’s not the type of Alpha John MacTavish was.
Johnny was kind, fair, all around good. The only time Simon had seen Johnny cold and heartless had been during the missions hunting Hassan, Sheperd, Graves, or Makarov. Three of those four were dead now. Or rather all intel was pointing at Graves having been KIA shortly after Sheperd had been taken out.
Simon’s body felt icy cold; like he would never be warm again. He scrambled from his nest and rushed to his ensuite. No sooner had he clicked on the light, he dropped to his knees and dry heaved into the toilet as nausea rolled through him. Between the heaving, he heard the distressed whimpers from his Omega escaping. Several long moments later, Simon managed to pull himself to his feet by gripping the edge of the sink.
He turned on the tap and reached for the washcloth he kept on the side of the sink. Running it under the warm water, he wrung it out before dragging the damp cloth over his face to wipe away the cold sweat that had clung to his face. After running it once more over his face and feeling slightly calmer, Simon tossed the cloth into his hamper.
He grabbed a fresh washcloth, placed it on the side of the sink before clicking off the light, and exiting the bathroom. Simon spent a few minutes fixing his nest, changing out the top layer for clean sheets, stripping of his t-shirt that clung to him due to the slight sweat from the nightmare, before he climbed back in after pulling on a fresh shirt. He pulled the softest and warmest blanket he always kept towards the foot of the nest around him after turning the bedside light off. In the dark, he clung to the body pillow.
‘Johnny wouldn’t really react like that if I told him? Would he?’ Were his last thoughts before exhaustion claimed him once more.