Archive of Our Own

The stage lights are dimmed. The camera is off. There are confetti under his feet and a surprisingly light trophy on his hand. The muscles of his cheeks ache with a smile. The cheering of the fans reaches his ears, high-pitched and excited, and while Yushi waves back at them with sparkly eyes, the voices around him carry him on his way backstage, like they’re meant to support him and push him to keep moving, all at the same time.

Then, for a short while, there’s silence. The sound of his steps and the throbbing of his heartbeat on his throat and his temples, and the leftover adrenaline of his encore still charging his body with current. His manager walks in front of him—it’s a different one, but not exactly. This one has been with them for around three or four years now. Yushi is not entirely sure. Idol life is always hectic, the schedules pile up over one another in a way that blurs the flipping of the calendar. He rambles about the success of his solo promotions, but Yushi’s body remains on-stage, like a star shining under the artificial lights, reluctant to weaken its natural spark.

The door is pushed open in front of him. The cheering is back, engulfing his body as it makes its way inside the room. This time, the voices are not high-pitched, they’re less parasocial. It not fuel skyrocketing him to the top of the world, like when he’s under the stage lights; instead, it’s the warm hug that keeps him on his feet when he can barely scrap the surface of his dreams. A gasp escapes Yushi’s lips. His sparkly eyes widen in delight and surprise. All the staff are around him, congratulating him for wrapping up his first solo promotions. There’s a lit cake shoved in his direction—the one holding it is none other than Oh Sion.

The sight of his friend and team leader is what makes Yushi crumble. He does so silently, invisible to the outsider eye. Sion’s smile is wide and bathed in warm sunshine and raw happiness. It tugs at something inside Yushi’s chest and hinders the normal flow of his breathing. Sion’s eyes are filled with so much pride that Yushi’s knees get weaker. The candle is blown. Sion smudges light blue cream on his cheek and his nose, his giggles fill the room in a way that forces a smile on Yushi’s face. He should be annoyed, but he isn’t, and there is one single reason for that: it’s Sion. Sion holding a cake for him, surprising him on the last day of his promotions, not only because he’s the leader of ONLYOU, but because they’ve been standing side by side for ages now.

Seeing him in the waiting room evokes a familiar feeling in Yushi, one that he’d only felt once, multiple years ago. A feeling that was once buried under all the experience he gathered on stage. When Yushi looks at Sion, he feels 19 all over again. It’s like he can replay the same exact words their training coach uttered back then, when he informed them that they would debut together. His chest tightens. It’s about to burst and melt through salty tears that will soon pool in the corner of his eyes. But Yushi bites back the tears. He doesn’t cry, even when he wants to. Even when Sion engulfs him in a hug and Yushi hides his face in the crook of his neck the way he has done countless times before.

The past few weeks passed all on a blur as Yushi rid on the excitement and the adrenaline of releasing his first ever solo EP. It was too much. Too many preparations that ticked like a clock in the back of his head. Too much hard work condensed in a small window of time. Too many schedules. Too many activities. Too many emotions. It’s only when Sion pats his back over the stage clothes that Yushi finally realizes that he did all that—that he just completed his first ever solo promotions.

He didn’t expect Sion to show up, but Yushi is grateful. Sion and Riku have always been like an anchor to him, and working without them by his side is something entirely new and different. Thrilling and scary, like diving into a pool without a life belt for the first time ever. He is sad that Riku couldn’t make it this time (something about a partnership with his cousin’s make-up brand), but he did show up for his first music show all those weeks ago before departing to Japan. The memory tugs a grin on Yushi’s face. The first and the last, the beginning and the end—Riku and Sion will accompany him through everything at the end of the day.

But there is something missing. Someone. Deep down, Yushi can’t deny the subtle dent inside him. He hasn’t been able to suffice it yet, still hollow even when he has tried to ignore it. Even through the dizzying number of activities, Yushi is still yearning. Quietly, like he’s not supposed to. Because he’s supposed to focus and enjoy this—and he has, don’t get him wrong! But he can’t help but yearn for the one thing—the person—that could fill the space in his chest.

So, when one of the stylist noonas suggests they all go drinking to celebrate, Yushi quietly declines. The people around him look surprised and dejected, but Sion is quick to tell them that Yushi might be tired. They can celebrate with him another day. That’s no excuse for them to miss the celebration of their hard work—Yushi hasn’t been the only one running everywhere lately. They deserve to share a drink together, even if he’s not there and the one who accompanies them instead is Oh Sion.

Yushi has other plans. A different celebration in mind.

When he’s sitting in the black van, the only thing in his mind is reaching home. Not his own. A different one, but still home either way. His manager asks him so, and although it’s not the ONLYOU dorm, the man knows his way there like it’s part of the route. He has driven to this destination plenty of times, bringing Yushi there ever since he caught him sneaking out of the dorm one night many years ago.

Yushi remembers. He had waited for everyone to go to bed before he attempted to leave through the front door. During that time, their manager was still quite new to the job, so Yushi didn’t trust him yet. He didn’t trust him enough to tell him. That’s why he got scared when he got caught in the act, with his hand on the door. His body trembled. He stuttered. Yushi knew it was against the rules. But he couldn’t lie, not even when the other man questioned him. But his response surprised him, and Yushi thinks their bond became stronger when the manager said:

“Wear something warmer. I’ll take you there under one condition: you have to tell me everything.”

Yushi complied. He did answer every single one of his questions: for how long, where they met, whether someone else knew about them. Just like that, his manager became an ally and someone in whom Yushi could trust. There was no need to sneak out anymore—his manager could bring him there safe and sound, to a different home.

The building is only a few blocks away from the campus of Seoul National University. Yushi knows his way around the neighborhood like someone who’s a frequent visitor. He makes his way inside, rides the elevator and walks across a hallway until he stops in front of the door of a studio apartment. He puts the code like it’s his own place and makes his way inside.

There, Yushi finds him. He’s hunched in front of his laptop, sitting by the small dining table with his headphones on as he types something. His eyebrows are furrowed in concentration, probably working on an assignment as his eyes are glued to the screen. Even from a distance, Yushi can hear the quiet hum of his voice, and now it finally feels like he’s home. That simple sound is enough to suffice the dent inside Yushi’s chest and fill it with something warm.

He doesn’t notice Yushi’s presence. Not right away, at least. He only does when Yushi is close enough to stand behind him and put his hands on his shoulders.

“Jaehee.”

The poor boy is so surprised that he jolts in his seat. He hurries to take his headphones off his head and turn around, and when their eyes meet, Yushi can’t help the giggle that escapes from his mouth. A smile takes over his face: all teeth, whiskers, and crinkling shiny eyes. Daeyoung looks exactly the same, although his expression includes a hint of surprise in it, too. Daeyoung’s entire face lights up—it comes alive, and that’s enough to make Yushi feel complete, finally. The one piece that had been missing.

“When did you get here?”

“I just did, actually.”

“How was the last day?”

Daeyoung looks at Yushi like he could simply drop everything for him. Like he’s craving to hear a little bit of his voice beyond a recording or the speakers of his phone. There’s attention and a certain devotion, and it makes Yushi’s guts churn because he needed this. Thousands of people could stare at him on stage every day, but the feeling he gets when Daeyoung is looking at him is entirely different. It can’t compare to a stadium full of people. His devotion is so natural, almost like Daeyoung doesn’t even notice, and Yushi is filled with a certain anticipation and nervousness he can’t shake off even after so many years.

Yushi glances at the screen of the laptop.

“Weren’t you busy?”

“Yes, but—”

“I’ll tell you later, then. I can wait.”

Daeyoung doesn’t seem exactly convinced. The idea doesn’t thrill him, but he has always complied with Yushi’s requests, and if his boyfriend says that he should finish his assignment first, then he’ll do. Yushi takes the seat next to him and waits. He’s patient. He stays next to him like a cat keeping him company. He stares, with his cheek against the back of his hand, and keeps waiting.

In true honesty, Yushi is not sure of how many days passed since the last time they saw each other. It was a couple of days before his solo debut. Yushi had been worried, stressed—his debut had to be perfect because Tokuno Yushi has never been anything but perfect. When sweating his soul in the practice room stopped being enough to keep his sanity in line, he snuck out and paid Daeyoung a visit. So, even though they text and call often, it’s safe to say that they haven’t been together for weeks.

Yushi can’t help the intensity of his stare. It’s something he can’t control. His dark pupils are glued to Daeyoung’s side profile and his focused expression. Yushi likes watching him—he has always liked it. There’s something intriguing about Daeyoung, and Yushi can’t get enough of him. His mere existence is fascinating, deserving of all the idol’s attention. Yushi likes him so much that he doesn’t want to miss a single second of him. After spending so much time apart, Yushi wants to keep watching Daeyoung until his face is burned in his retinas.

But Daeyoung is shy, even after so much time. He still tenses up under his stare the same way he used to do when he thought Yushi despised him. It’s a funny sight: the way he presses his lips together in a thin line as he tries to pretend that Yushi doesn’t affect him; or the way he blinks rapidly, losing concentration.

“Stop that,” Daeyoung begs amidst nervous laughter, so pitiful. A smirk expands itself all over Yushi’s face, so mischievous. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

“Why?”

“I can’t focus.”

Yushi chuckles. “I’m sorry.” And he actually looks away because he can be merciful when he wants to.

Daeyoung resumes his work. He hums a song under his breath, and Yushi closes his eyes, letting himself relax under the gentle lullaby of the constant tapping of the keyboard and the vibrations from Daeyoung’s vocal cords.

He recognizes the melody. It’s tattooed in his memory—of course Yushi recognizes it. It’s the sixth and last track of his EP. A gift and a love confession in the form of a gentle piano. Although it’s his version the one on official sites, Yushi likes Daeyoung’s version more. The song was sung by Daeyoung the first time he heard it, anyway. It’s one of his own compositions—an assignment for one of his classes, actually, although that doesn’t change the fact that Daeyoung made the song for him. Yushi liked it so much that he begged the A&R team to include it in the EP.

When someone opens the credits, what they find is the following: the main artist is Tokuno Yushi, member of ONLYOU, and the composer is Jaehee. It’s a pseudonym. Yushi likes the secrecy of it. He enjoys being one of the few people who know that Jaehee, the newbie composer, is none other than Kim Daeyoung, the SNU Music Composition student.

The humming ceases. The laptop is closed shut. It forces Yushi to open his eyes. Daeyoung smiles at him and signals him to move to the couch, so they can catch up more comfortably.

“Tell me everything. How was it? Did you cry? Did the staff say anything? Did they congratulate you?”

Daeyoung looks so excited, it’s kind of endearing. Yushi starts retelling the events of the day: from the pre-recording to the trophy and Sion’s visit. He’s not exactly detailed, but Daeyoung keeps asking questions and prompting him to just say more, so Yushi keeps talking. He’s more of a listener, actually, always on the quiet side. Usually, Daeyoung is the one in charge of rambling between the two of them. He’s more talkative—way more, in fact. But it’s fine. Yushi still answers every single one of his questions.

“I would’ve loved to be there,” Daeyoung mumbles when Yushi finishes. He’s pouting. It’s so damn cute. Yushi can’t help the smile that creeps up his face.

“Me too.” They look at each other. “I wanted you there.”

“I had so many exams and projects, though. It’s such a pity.” Then, Daeyoung looks down, almost apologetically. Midterms are above him, he can’t control them; he shouldn’t feel bad for that, but he still does. “I’m sorry, hyung. I could have—”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

“But.”

Yushi shakes his head and cups Daeyoung’s face in his hands. Then, he leans closer to leave a peck over his lips. It’s pretty chaste. He hopes that’s enough to shut him up. There’s no point in finding something to blame for their distance when the reality is that their lifestyles are different now. When Daeyoung was their manager, it was much easier, but now he’s about to graduate and Yushi has a solo career, too. They both have a lot going on.

“It’s just—I missed you.”

Daeyoung is looking at him the way a neglected puppy would do. The resemblance is uncanny. He surges forward, chasing Yushi’s lips, as if a simple peck could not be enough to express the extent to which they have missed each other. They join their lips in a tender gesture and kiss again. This time they take their time doing so. It’s slow and intimate. Yushi’s hand is still cupping his cheek in a loving manner, and when Daeyoung swipes his tongue against Yushi’s lower lip, he can’t help the sigh he lets out, slowly letting himself melt in Daeyoung’s embrace.

Mindlessly, they keep kissing. What started as something gentle and chaste soon turns into something way deeper. From one moment to another, Daeyoung is pushing Yushi much closer, dragging his body into his own personal space, until Yushi is fully sitting on his lap. Their tongues brush against one another, dragging subtle groans from them.

“I really missed you,” Daeyoung mumbles against Yushi’s mouth. His voice is low, the words are almost slurred, and it makes Yushi dizzy.

“I know.”

Daeyoung’s mouth descends from his jaw to his neck. The way his lips grace the flushed skin there makes Yushi shiver—a thrill traveling down his entire body, and his hand rushes to find a place in his head, his fingers grabbing a fistful of hair.

“I wanted to be with you.”

Daeyoung is nipping on the skin there now. He’s eager and messy the way he always is, like a dog who can barely contain his excitement whenever he’s in his owner’s vicinity. Yushi can’t help the way he sighs, and his words turn so airy when, in a low voice, he replies, “I know. Me too.”

“I watched everything. It wasn’t the same.”

“Really?

“Mhm,” Daeyoung starts sucking now. It’s risky, they shouldn’t do it, but Yushi’s promotions are over, and he doesn’t have any schedules the next day. They have always been so careful, anyway; it won’t hurt to let go of their self-imposed restrictions just once. No one will scold him for a mark that will soon fade in a few days. Yushi can give him that. He can allow it this time because the truth is that he also wants to have proof of this encounter, to remind himself of the way Daeyoung touches him—of the way he loves him so much that he can’t contain himself, like all the love he retained inside him for weeks is bursting into this.

One of Yushi’s hands—bony and slender—grips on Daeyoung’s waist like it’s an anchor, like he could maintain himself sane like that before he finally allows himself to slip. It finds its way under his clothes, and when his grip tightens, his short nails draw small crescents into his skin. Not that Daeyoung minds, not when he’s so busy kissing all the length of his neck, covering it in spit and tender bites.

Just like that, Yushi allows himself to lose his mind. He grabs Daeyoung’s jaw and angles it so he can join their lips again, kissing him deeply. He bites his lower lip, slightly tugging at it with his teeth. Daeyoung moans. Yushi likes the sound of that. He likes it so much that he takes the lead of the kiss just so he can make Daeyoung melt under him. His boyfriend’s hands are everywhere—under his clothes, tracing his spine, all over his thighs. Yushi doesn’t even notice when he starts moving over him, stupidly aroused, looking for friction. Because he’s greedy, and he always wants more, especially when it comes to Daeyoung, always at his mercy and never complaining.

“Yushi,” he whines.

“Hm?”

“Please,”

Daeyoung is so far gone. Yushi can’t believe that a mere movement of his hips over his semi-hard dick could be enough to make him like this. A smirk takes over his lips. He smiles during the kiss until his grin expands so much that it’s nearly impossible to keep kissing Daeyoung like that.

“Please what? What do you want?” He asks, pretending not to understand just for the joy of toying with him and being a little menacing.

“Want you,” Daeyoung finally utters with a huff, hiding his face against the crook of Yushi’s neck. His hands rest on both sides of his hips. Just because Yushi is a bit mischievous, he rolls his hips one more time, grinding against Daeyoung’s clothed dick. He intends to do it, making sure to brush over his cock in the way he knows it’ll leave him wanting for more. It drags a moan out of Daeyoung’s throat, and Yushi feels victorious enough to let out an entertained giggle.

“How?”

“Don’t be mean.” Daeyoung moves his head from where it had been hidden and glares at him. He doesn’t look threatening at all, maybe adorable instead. Yushi decides to stop teasing and lifts his shirt over his neck, throwing it somewhere on the couch. Daeyoung is eager enough to copy him and take his own shirt off too. He looks at Yushi like he’s ready for whatever Yushi could give him or ask him.

Like the doting hyung he is, Yushi will give Daeyoung what he wants. This time he’s the one who moves forward and latches his mouth against the skin of Daeyoung’s long neck. His slender hands fall flat over his abdomen, just next to his belly button. Daeyoung squirms just slightly, filled with anticipation. But he doesn’t beg Yushi to hurry up. He waits, patiently, as Yushi drags his perfect teeth against his pulse and his bony fingers descend until they’re close enough to the waistband of his pants. He grips on the fabric of his pants and his underwear at the same time and tugs, finally freeing Daeyoung’s cock: hard, red, leaking. Daeyoung hisses and Yushi licks his lips. A cat swinging its tail, ready to claw on his prey.

“Hyung,” he whispers. He squeezes his eyes shut in anticipation. Without saying anything, Yushi finally wraps a hand around him. He makes sure to squeeze lightly, just because he’s a little bit mean, and Daeyoung finally groans. His head falls against the backrest of the couch. “Hyung.”

Yushi moves his wrist around his length the way he knows Daeyoung likes it. Up, down, and over his tip. His thumb teasingly draws circles over his slit. And, throughout all that, Yushi stares. His gaze stays unmoving, fixed on the way Daeyoung falls apart under him, his chest heaving in and out as he fails to contain his moans. He keeps calling for his hyung, all while Yushi touches him. Because Yushi is a good hyung, and he can take care of his Daeyoungie after midterms week, even when he just went through a nerve-wrecking batch of promotions on music shows.

The truth is that he’s aching under his pants, too. He’s painfully hard because he really enjoys seeing Daeyoung so needy, especially when it’s because of him. But Yushi can wait. Underneath all his greed, Yushi knows how to calculate his patience. He’s not as impulsive as everyone thinks he is (except that, maybe, he actually is).

“Yushi hyung,” Daeyoung pants amidst incessant moans. How could he be so sensitive? His tip is red and wet. He must be so close. “Want you, please.” He looks at Yushi with glassy eyes, so hazy and dumb.

“Hm. More?”

Daeyoung nods. “’m so close. Wanna be inside you, please.”

He’s so polite. It’s actually stupid. But it’s enough to tip Yushi to the edge and make him submit under his own control—so much for being calculated. He can’t deny that he’s also horny, and there’s nothing he wants more than to have his boyfriend’s stupidly big cock buried inside him. They haven’t touched each other in so long, and Yushi is pent-up. He doesn’t want Daeyoung to waste his cum coming into his hand when he can end up dripping inside him instead.

Abruptly, he lets go of Daeyoung’s dick and stands up. Yushi hinders Daeyoung’s orgasm and leaves him hanging. As expected, Daeyoung throws him a confused expression, even tilting his head with a subtle uh?

Yushi hurries to fetch the lube and then take his pants off. He tries to hide it, but he’s a bit eager about it, especially when he kicks the legs of his underwear with poorly concealed desperation and leaves it there, on the floor. They are both naked, and the hunger in his boyfriend’s gaze makes his guts churn. Daeyoung, sitting in front of him, is expectant. His eyes scan Yushi from head to toe. Yushi likes to pretend that he’s in control, but the reality is that he’s also quite weak. He also gets nervous when he notices just how much Daeyoung wants him. There’s so much devotion in his eyes, and Yushi feels like he will be the one who’ll end up devoured instead.

He kneels on the couch, bracketing Daeyoung under him, who is quick to circle his arms around his waist and push him so close that their chests are touching. Bare skin against bare skin. Yushi stares at him—so pretty—and then brings a hand to the side of his face.

“My Jaehee,” he mutters. His voice is coated with so much affection and softness, raw honesty laced with something else.

“Yours, hyung” Daeyoung mumbles back, leaving a short kiss on his lips. Yushi nods in agreement because he’s obnoxious like that—of course Daeyoung is his, of course he’s the only one who calls him by that name. A shared secret, like hidden harmony at the back of a song. Daeyoung joins their lips together again and again, and until the smacking sound of their mouths echoes in the room.

There’s not a single centimeter of space between them. Chest to chest, equally flushed. Their thighs brush with every subtle movement of Yushi’s lower body. Their aching cocks come into contact, messily, every single time Yushi moves. They barely grace against one another, it’s not actually pleasurable, but for Yushi, still untouched, it’s definitely something. He sighs and whimpers, a string of hisses and shaky exhalations. He’s impatient for Daeyoung’s touch, but his boyfriend is too busy leaving open-mouthed kisses on his jaw to notice just how much Yushi wants him to touch him, his fingers inside him—anything, really, as long as it’s Daeyoung.

“Jaehee,” he calls. It’s more of a whine, a bratty complaint so Daeyoung can notice that Yushi is waiting and that he wants more and more and— “Stop it.”

Daeyoung detaches his mouth from him. His lips are swollen, and his hair is all mussed up even though they haven’t even started yet. He looks up at Yushi with wide eyes, like someone who got called out all of a sudden.

“Did… did I do something wrong?”

Yushi frowns. “Touch me.”

“But I’m…”

Now, Yushi shakes his head. Despite telling his boyfriend to stop kissing him, he gets closer until their noses are almost touching. He thinks he’s threatening, but Daeyoung is way too obsessed with him to interpret it that way.

“More,” he says. A demand that doesn’t even need to be loud. “You have to prep me before I take you. You can be good, right?”

Daeyoung nods, effusive and over-eager. But he doesn’t move, and Yushi’s frown deepens. Such a surly cat. “Jaehee.”

That’s it. That’s enough. Most of the time Yushi doesn’t have to spell out his needs. He’s bad at that so he avoids it at all costs, opting for subtle hums and groans depending on what he wants instead. Plus, Daeyoung is too much of an acts-of-service guy to even need any indication; he’s doing things to service Yushi without thinking. But times like this, where Yushi has to tell him what he wants, are not exactly unusual. It’s just—Daeyoung gets a little drunk-dazed at times. He wants Yushi so bad that he malfunctions. He’s too eager; it stops him from seeing where he’s lacking. 

Daeyoung scrambles for the lube, forgotten somewhere over the pillows in the couch. He uncaps it and pours a gentle amount on his fingers. Carefully, his index draws tentative circles around Yushi’s rim until he finally prods him open. Yushi’s mouth goes slack in a silent moan. He shivers and melts under a single finger. It’s long and thin, maybe calloused, and for Yushi, who hasn’t been touched in weeks, it’s perfect—better than his own fingers, that’s for sure.

Daeyoung fingers him with a single finger for a few minutes. It’s barely anything, but it has Yushi biting his bottom lip, and when he adds a second one, Yushi finally lets out a sound and wails against Daeyoung’s ear. Sweet and high-pitched, and never too loud.

“Good?”

Yushi nods passionately. “Yes.” His breathing is heavy, it shows in the way he speaks. “More.”

Daeyoung’s fingers start moving faster as they go in and out of Yushi. They curl inside him and caress his walls as they look for the sweetest spot inside Yushi, the one that’ll definitely make him fall apart. Soon, two fingers turn into three, and Yushi is definitely trembling solely because of Daeyoung. The silent requests spill from his mouth and against his boyfriend’s ear, like he’s the only one supposed to hear him. Faster. Harder. More. There, there—Holy shit.

Of course, Daeyoung complies. He gives Yushi exactly what he needs. This is not exactly different from their usual day-by-day, but that doesn’t mean that Daeyoung doesn’t have to try to be good. For Yushi, on top of that. He should be especially good.

“Hmm, ‘m ready,” Yushi pleas under a low breath. “Put it in, Jaehee… need you.”

Daeyoung doesn’t let Yushi stay empty for too long. If his boyfriend is crying because he needs him, then he’ll give himself to him. That’s what he wants, and Daeyoung would be lying if he said that his self-restraint and patience are not tortuous for him too. He takes his cock in his hand and aligns it with Yushi’s hole. He puts it inside in a rather slow motion that’s almost too much for how impatient Yushi actually is. It’s just—he needs to be careful not to hurt him. Of course Yushi’s impatience gets the best of him, though, as he lets himself sink deeper and deeper in Daeyoung’s cock until he’s finally taken him whole.

They sit in complete stillness for a few seconds. It’s overwhelming. Yushi’s arms circle Daeyoung’s shoulders, and his forehead rests on them. Daeyoung maintains a firm grip on his hips. None of them has moved yet, but Yushi can feel the heat radiating from his boyfriend’s body. He can see how flushed he is. He’s probably the same right now. A thought appears in the back of Yushi’s head. He’s so impulsive, he can’t gather himself soon enough to stop the words from flooding from his mouth.

“Do you like this?” He mumbles.

The vehemence in which Daeyoung nods is not surprising at all. “You’re so tight, hyung. It’s perfect.”

“Then,” Yushi pauses. His lips brush Daeyoung’s ear and the sideburns on the left side of his facewhen he speaks. It’s hard to tell whether Daeyoung’s entire body shudders because of this or because of the words Yushi utters next. It could be both. Either way, his hips buck deeper in a way that should be embarrassing; it only makes Yushi release a moan. “Is it better than when hyung fucks you?”

“Aahh… You can’t say that.”

Daeyoung is trying to avert his gaze, but Yushi is quicker. Instead of grabbing his jaw, he moves his own head, trying to force himself into Daeyoung’s field of vision.

“Why not?”

“It’s embarrassing.”

Yushi scoffs. He can’t be this shy when his hard cock is buried inside him, reaching so deep that with barely a few thrusts he could make Yushi roll his eyes into the back of his skull. To show Daeyoung how ridiculous he’s being, Yushi supports his hands on Daeyoung’s bare shoulders and lifts himself before sinking down. It’s abrupt. Daeyoung probably thought he still needed more time to adjust himself, but the truth is that Yushi is greedy, and he wants everything. Now, if possible. Yushi can work for what he wants.

Soon, he’s searching for his own pleasure. He rides Daeyoung with so much ease and vigor. It feels so damn good. Even if his thighs are starting to burn, that isn’t enough excuse to make him stop—that’s unheard of him! Tokuno Yushi never stops until he’s finished. This angle is just right. He can feel Daeyoung hitting all the perfect spots, reaching places inside Yushi that hadn’t been taken care of in such a long time. Yushi feels delirious. It’s—

“So deep,” he finds himself muttering. “Make me feel so nice, hmm.”

“Is it good?” Daeyoung breathes out. Yushi knows the question means something else: am I good, hyung? Am I good for you?

Daeyoung is always overeager and obliging. He always tries. He always wants to do well. On a normal day, Yushi would think it’s endearing. It’s a trait they both share, although they show it in different ways. However, when they’re fucking like this, it turns him on so much. His trembling voice makes Yushi feel like he’s about to fall apart. It makes him so fucking horny.

He moves his head in an affirming motion and starts sucking on the already salty skin under Daeyoung’s collarbones. “Y-yes—hng.” Yushi manages to choke out before a moan interrupts him. Daeyoung is thrusting up, meeting the movement of his hips every single time Yushi drops himself on his dick. “You always are. You’re—ah, you’re always perfect.”

He can feel the tension burn inside him. The heat spreads in his stomach and there’s a certain tingle that expands across his entire body. Yushi can feel himself lose control with every single one of Daeyoung’s vigorous thrusts inside him; it sheds off his body along with the droplets of sweat that are slowly starting to slide from his skin. His thoughts are mushing with one another and they become less and less coherent, and Yushi thinks he’s so close that he can barely filter what goes on inside his head. It’s pure static noise in there, a hazy buzz. He doesn’t even notice when he starts babbling because he can barely process the words he’s uttering.

“Jaehee.”

“Hmm?”

“Can you—” A hiccup. “Can you put your, ah, your hands in- in my neck?”

Daeyoung’s hips falter. He gets suddenly tense under Yushi, and it makes Yushi frown. All of a sudden, he stops moving altogether, and Yushi is too far gone to realize why. Daeyoung is staring at him wide-eyed, and Yushi doesn’t understand. His hands—big and warm—are still steady on his waist, covering a big portion of his abdomen, but it’s not enough and Yushi can’t understand what’s going on. Of course it makes him moody.

“What?”

“What?” Yushi repeats in return.

“You want me to…?”

“Please.” Yushi blinks at him. He must look so fucked judging by the way the grip of Daeyoung’s hands on his body tightens almost involuntarily as soon as they make eye contact. Skin flushed and glowy, messy hair, swollen lips, remnants of his sparkly make-up on his face—Daeyoung can’t resist him like this, and Yushi knows it.

Fuck, Yushi has never had to beg for anything. But Daeyoung’s pupils are shaking and he looks so damn unsure, like he can’t decide on what he should do next. Is it really that hard to get his big hands around his throat and convince him to press gently into it? The mere thought of his fingertips over his pulse makes Yushi’s eyelids flutter shut. Daeyoung’s hands are so fucking massive, they’d make his slender neck look almost doll-like.

“But…” Daeyoung gulps, and Yushi hates the way his eyes follow the movement of his throat. If Daeyoung weren’t staring at him like a bewildered puppy, Yushi would have scraped his perfect teeth against his boyfriend’s Adam apple. He’s sure Daeyoung would have hissed. “You know it makes me nervous.”

“Jaehee,” Yushi whines, and that only makes Daeyoung make himself smaller under him.

“I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“It’s my last day of promotions.” Yushi blurts out.

“I know.”

“Then why aren’t you fucking me the way I want to?” He blinks at him again. Daeyoung’s eyes are round, sparkly and puppy-like, but his eyebrows are still knitted together. “I deserve it.” Then, quietly, he adds, “or… maybe you would’ve preferred we did this the other way around.”

And, okay. That’s enough. That seems to convince his boyfriend, or at least make him lose his head a little bit. Yushi knows he’s being bratty, but he can’t help it. He’ll get what he wants one way or another, and they’re too deep into their relationship for him to be modest. They started dating because Yushi was bratty enough to rope Daeyoung into giving him attention—he can handle this. He knows he’s being blunter than usual, but it’s for a bigger cause. Daeyoung likes being good and pliant for him, after all.

His words must have flipped something in Daeyoung’s head, because he’s quick to whisper, “Okay, hyung, okay,” before pulling his body much closer to him. Suddenly, Daeyoung is kissing him like he wants to eat him alive, all while he lays Yushi’s back on the pillows of the couch. His movements are delicate and gentle as he places down, and it’s a huge contrast to the hunger in which he moves his lips.

Daeyoung starts thrusting into him, and he’s so fucking mean about it. He hits so deep into Yushi, burying himself there. He’s still holding Yushi’s hips as he pistons into him over and over again, and Yushi is sure he’s going harder. The change in position also makes him hit his sweet spot from a different angle. His cock hits his prostate over and over again, and the only thing Yushi can do is mutter a string of, “Ah, ah, ah, hmm.”

For someone who’s usually so silent and who always tries to keep his myriads of thoughts to himself, it’s kind of expected for Yushi not to give huge reactions—to anything, really. However, he may not be loud, and his moans are mostly uttered right next to Daeyoung’s ear in a volume only he can hear, but, fuck, isn’t it hard to contain all the sounds that are coming from his throat. He can’t stop moaning and whimpering, coming apart under Daeyoung’s eagerness.

Maybe Yushi shouldn’t have challenged him. That was a mistake because now Daeyoung is trying to prove himself to show Yushi just the right way he should be fucked, especially after a big day like this one. It’s what he deserves—to be fucked so good he can’t speak beyond broken moans. He’s finally fucking him the way Yushi wants to. Daeyoung is always so obedient.

And then it happens. Yushi’s eyes are closed, and they’re still kissing when Daeyoung’s hand trails over his skin, sending a shiver down his spine, until they reach his neck. At first, it’s a mere caress at the side. His thumb traces the marks that are already blossoming there. But then Daeyoung opens his hand and wraps it around his throat.

Yushi opens his eyes in surprise. Daeyoung’s hold is still cautious, somehow. It’s clear he’s still hesitating, even when the subtle feeling of his hand weighing there makes Yushi tremble in anticipation.

“Jaehee,” Yushi sighs. It’s barely a whisper. Yushi’s eyes are fixed on his boyfriend’s face, and the way a droplet of sweat slides from the side of his neck, and his chest heaves in and out, and his cheeks are rosy, and his mouth is half-open.

Daeyoung is so sweaty—normally, Yushi would hate it because he thinks sweat is disgusting in absolutely everyone. Sometimes he doesn’t even dare touch Sion or Riku after practice. But this is different. He knows he’s also sticky. There’s a poignant smell in the room that fills his senses, and Yushi—overly sensitive—doesn’t even care. His hand moves on its own when he tries to wipe the sweat off Daeyoung’s face with the back of his hand. Daeyoung looks at him and smiles.

Then, Daeyoung chooses that exact moment to press experimentally. His index finger and his thumb are right over his pulse, in the correct place. They have done this before—not many times, though, but Yushi enjoys it. His eyes roll involuntarily to the back of his skull, and he can feel himself physically melting under Daeyoung’s mercy. He tries to moan. He tries to call his name. But even when Daeyoung is not particularly forceful and he only presses for a couple of seconds, his airflow is partially restricted. Yushi’s dick twitches in ecstasy.

Yushi can’t even explain why it feels so good. Daeyoung releases his neck almost immediately, but it was enough to bring Yushi closer to his orgasm. As soon as his boyfriend’s hand leaves his skin, Daeyoung is peppering kisses on the side of his neck. He’s tender, as if he wasn’t ravishing him, pushing his cock against Yushi’s prostate over and over again. The sound of their skin meeting echoes in the room. When was the last time they were this nasty while having sex?

“Hyung,” Daeyoung pants. “Are you close? You feel so tight around me—‘s good”

Yushi nods. He’s probably squeezing the hell out of Daeyoung’s dick without noticing. It’s just—it’s so good, so much. It’s too much, actually. Yushi can’t even think, his whole head has turned into a mess of Jaehee and So good and More and Please and—he’s so damn close. He’s in the brink of the orgasm and Daeyoung’s cock keeps hitting just the right place, and—

Yushi’s vision goes white. His entire body shudders, and a certain heat expands everywhere under his skin. His cum gushes out of his dick and onto his skin, and yet the only thing Yushi can hear is Daeyoung’s voice as he keeps chasing his own release.

He goes, “Hyung, ahh—hyung , hyuuung” over and over again as he moves his hips, until suddenly he utters, “Hyung, I love you.” Daeyoung is staring right into Yushi’s unfocused eyes when he says it, and although he’s far gone, there’s a certain determination in his voice and his gaze when the words come out of his mouth. Suddenly, he groans—louder than every sound he managed to utter throughout the past few minutes. Yushi watches it like a movie: the way Daeyoung’s eyelids close and his mouth opens before he slumps over Yushi’s pliant body. He also moans, much lower, when he feels Daeyoung’s cum filling him up—ropes of cum inside him.

“I love you,” Daeyoung repeats one more time. His head is tucked in the crook of Yushi’s shoulder. He’s all over Yushi, and it should be disgusting because they’re all sweaty and there’s drying cum on Yushi’s lower belly, but it doesn’t matter.

Yushi doesn’t reply right away. He’s exhausted and a little bit out of it. He still can’t formulate proper thoughts. His head is still blank, a mess of white noise buzzing. Yushi doesn’t know how long they stay lying down like this. His hand is busy scratching the back of Daeyoung’s head, his fingers get entangled with his damp hair as Daeyoung relaxes. His breathing is becoming softer, and Yushi is sure he’s dozing off. He still replies when he feels capable of speaking, though.

“I love you too.”

⭐🎤. . .

Moments later, Yushi is sitting in the center of the bed with his phone propped up in front of him. He’s not wearing any make-up, although he did cover the marks on his neck with some concealer. It’s a bit of a bold choice on his part. He has stripped himself of his idol persona, choosing to show his fans a natural version of himself. His hair is still a little damp from the shower, but he tries to hide it with the hood of the sweatshirt he’s wearing. He stole it from Daeyoung’s closet. It’s white and it has some blue letters on the front that say ‘SNU – Seoul National University’. It’s a bit too big for him, but Yushi likes it because it’s quite comfortable.

Earlier that day, when he left the broadcasting station and rode the black van with his manager, Yushi promised to do a live later to talk about his first ever solo promotions. It almost slipped his mind, but Yushi is an idol 24/7 so the thought came back to him when the hot water was pouring over his body and he was trying to compose himself after being railed by his boyfriend. It’s not too late. He can still text his manager so he can monitor him.

(When Yushi sets up the tripod, Daeyoung mumbles that his current manager shouldn’t worry about monitoring his live. Daeyoung knows how to do the job quite well, he can step in if it’s necessary.)

Truth be told, Yushi is not exactly keen on solo lives. He likes it when he’s with Sion and Riku because in that way they can chat with one another and the burden doesn’t fall solely on him. They can joke around and play a little. When Yushi is alone, he can’t do that. The years have passed, he has a stable career, and he has gained more confidence in certain areas, but Yushi still thinks he’s somehow awkward. Nevertheless, during these promotions he tried a great number of things he was scared of doing on his own—a solo live is just another item in the list. It’s part of growing. He can’t get better if he doesn’t try. Plus, Daeyoung is in the room with him—somehow, it does give him courage.

Yushi releases a deep sigh, shifts on his spot, and finally clicks on the button on the screen before adjusting himself. He glances at Daeyoung, standing by the door, and then looks back at the screen. There’s already some audience gathering. They’re leaving some comments, too. Yushi’s eyes rush to scan over them before giving the camera a shy smile and a polite wave with his hand.

@tokuneko: MY YUSHIIIIII MY BABYYY HIIII

@bubblenyang: omg im early hi yushi!!!

@nekozzz: congrats on completing your first ever solo promotions, ushi!

“Hi, everyone,” He starts, still smiling. “I wanted to join you through a live for a little while… Ah, yes! Today was my last day of promotions, too. That’s why I’m doing this.” He releases a nervous chuckle at the end. God, Yushi is so awkward, but he feels so giddy somehow. There are so many thoughts in his mind.

Out of the field of the camera, Daeyoung observes him with an endeared expression. He likes watching Yushi do his job, and he won’t be one to miss it from the front row, especially when his presence is so reassuring for Yushi. Daeyoung hovers around and looks over him.

@2ku_no: oppa, were you nervous during your promos?

“I wasn’t nervous, everyone.” Yushi shakes his head smugly. “I don’t get nervous.” Then, Yushi halts to reconsider it. These promos were definitely something new and overwhelming. “Actually, maybe a little. Only a little.”

His giggles fill his silence again. Daeyoung scoffs somewhere in the room, and Yushi’s eyes immediately move to check on him, hyperaware of Daeyoung’s sounds and reactions. Were they caught by the shitty microphone of his phone? Daeyoung’s smile falls, and he’s quick to cover his mouth in case someone heard him. Yushi goes back to the comments on the screen.

@tokuneko: did you go out to celebrate your first ever solo promos?

“Hmm, no, I was tired.” A pause, Yushi thinks about it. He didn’t exactly go out with the staff, but meeting Daeyoung definitely counts as a celebration for him. “I mean, I did do something, though.”

@ushibaby: omo what kind of celebration did u have then?

Yushi giggles once again. He can’t help it, the thought of being in control of what his fans know of him makes him giddy. He hides his tooth-filled smile behind his hand in a way that’s definitely coy but also teasing. “I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.” He goes as far as to singsong the last part. Yushi is definitely chirpy about it—glowing with something, somehow. The fans will gush about it.

From the corner of his eyes, Yushi can see Daeyoung roll his eyes in amusement. There’s a huge grin on his face, too.

@bubblenyang: are you at the dorms then? since u didn’t go out

“Hmm, no, not at the dorms.” Yushi blurts out. Daeyoung’s eyes widen in alert, and that’s enough signal for Yushi to realize what he just said. He’s quick to try to correct himself. “I mean—yes! I’m, uhh, at home. Yes.”

Luckily, the fans don’t dwell too much on his words. They will say that the world is too fast for him or something—the kind of things they always say when they want to romanticize every little thing he does. It’s not Yushi’s fault to be a little bit slow, okay!

God, he should get a grip.

@onlyushi: oppa, outfit check! are you wearing a SNU hoodie?

“Oh, this?” Yushi gets closer and shows off his clothes to the camera. The words ‘Seoul National University’ are visible to his audience. “I just got out of the shower, so I picked the first thing I saw.”

@tokyostarboy: isn’t it weird tho? if you’re not a student, why do you wear it? ㅋㅋㅋ

“Oh, do you think it’s weird?” Yushi moves away from the camera now. The hoodie is more visible this way. “I only wear it because it’s comfortable.”

@yusiontop: i’ll say it’s weird only if it means you’ll take your clothes off <3

@foryouonly: people let’s not get weird plz..

@bubblenyang: where did u get it anyway? since you’re not a student o:

@04prilstar: when i went to snu’s souvenir shops the hoodies weren’t available :(

@ushibaby: are u hiding things from us, baby? :( things like A DEGREE

“Everyone, I’m not getting a degree.” Yushi laughs. “I just, uhm… where did I get it?” Yushi pretends to think about it. He places a finger on his chin, like he’s deep in thought. The reality is that he’s trying to come up with a believable excuse. He’s definitely hiding things from his fans, but they can’t know—how could he tell them that it’s actually his boyfriend’s hoodie? He can’t! Daeyoung is throwing signals at him from the door, aggressively mouthing the words ‘thrift store’, but Yushi doesn’t get the message. “Eh?” He squints at him before finally giving up and going back to his live. “Ah, I can’t remember.”

The chat is quick to change topics again. They forget about Yushi’s SNU hoodie and start asking him about different things, like music show anecdotes or his impression on not having Sion and Riku beside him this time. The good part is that his fans are quite curious, so the chat moves at a nice speed, and he never finds himself scrambling for something specific to talk about.

Somehow, the topic shifts to his album preparations.

“Everyone, what are your favorite songs from the album?”

@tokuneko: definitely the tt <3 ‘psyche’ is soooo good, it’s everything i dreamed for your solo

@0405blog: every single song is perfect :)

@ushiushi: oppa, my mom keeps praising your voice lol she LOVES ‘better’

@2ku_no: i liked the last song.. it’s a bit different than the other ones, but it’s perfect for you.

“Oh, you liked ‘hidden harmony’?” Yushi’s entire face lights up once he reads that comment. He can’t help it, but his eyes immediately search for Daeyoung behind the camera, as if asking him whether he’s hearing him right now. Daeyoung smiles back at him—his expression is pleased, surprised and reassuring; a mixture of all three. Meanwhile, Yushi looks like his heart is quietly bursting. There’s a certain sparkle in his pupils even when he wiped out all the eye makeup he was wearing an hour ago. “It’s my favorite too.” He says that staring straight into Daeyoung’s eyes.

@2ku_no: can u share any behind story about this album?

“A behind story? Uhm…” Yushi hums, trying to think of something. The truth is that his mind is stuck on Daeyoung’s music being on his solo debut. “The last song—hidden harmony—it was a gift.”

@ushibaby: wdym a gift? for whom? For us?!

@tangerineko: our ushi loves us so much wehehhehe

“What do you mean ‘for whom’?” Yushi snorts. “For me! The composer made that song especially for me, that’s why it’s my favorite. Isn’t it such a good song?”

Yushi really tries to control his smile, but it’s nearly impossible. He’s so proud, he can’t help it! After the first mention of ‘hidden harmony’, Daeyoung immediately stilled. His posture became more tense, as if he were expectant to know about people’s opinions, like they’re as important as the perfect mark his professor gave him on the composition. But the feedback is so good! Yushi is so happy, his body is almost buzzing.

@tokuneko: the lyrics are quite nice too <3

@0405blog: i heard it’s the composer’s first song tho? O:

@0405blog: his first public composition and it made it to your first solo album, fated lol

“Yes, it’s his first official song.” Yushi takes a moment to nod while looking at the camera. He’s quite smug—Yushi is never like this, but he’s excited. Then, he adds, “he’s quite close to me so give it lots of love, please.”

Immediately, the comments get filled with congratulatory and encouraging messages for Jaehee. They even ask Yushi if Jaehee has any other projects, which brings Yushi to talk about Daeyoung’s soundcloud account. He’s being careful, though, trying to protect Daeyoung’s identity as much as he can. Leaning by the door, his boyfriend looks quite sheepish. The more Yushi rambles, the shier he gets. At some point, Daeyoung shout-whispers at him:

“Cut it out, please.” It’s more of a whine, though.

It only makes Yushi chuckle before he rushes to find another topic.

Just like that, the live keeps going until an hour has passed and Yushi decides to turn it off. He waves at the camera and tells his audience that he had fun, and then his image is gone. They can no longer see him.  Yushi is offline, being thrown over the mattress as he’s engulfed in a bone-crushing hug.

⭐🎤. . .

ONLYOU YUSHI INSTA LIVE: Solo wrap-up feat yut-nyang! 🐈 (eng sub)

Read Comments:

@nekozzz: he should get a prize for being the least subtle person in the world.. so sus

@tokuneko: watching this live was so funny and weird 😭 he’s so bad at lying!! yushi baby, we can all tell you were hiding something… or someone, same thing LMAO

@bringbackloona: LMAOOOOO he was 2 questions away from admitting that he’s dating

@randomperson: normally i’d be upset over idols dating but this guy was SOOO giddy and he looked so cute too. i hope his special person loves him a lot.

@siooooooonie: NOOOOOOO WDYM I HAVE TO SHARE YUSHI!!!! i hope his boyfriend can fight hmph 😾

@mokpoboy: here’s a list of weird things yushi did during his live: he was extremely distracted, he kept looking and smiling at someone behind the camera, he admitted that he wasn’t at the dorms even though he said that he’d just came out of the shower, THE WHOLE HOODIE THING, you can faintly hear someone’s voice at the back here 3:06 25:02 48:35 and it’s like yushi keeps reacting to what they’re doing, when he said that ‘hidden harmony’ was his favorite song he was actually talking to the person behind the camera like he’s not even looking at us!!!! 40:23

@kulkul: i don’t wanna sound absolutely weird and delusional, but you can tell that he’s not actually at the dorms solely by the fact that their bedrooms have wallpaper, and this live was done in a room that has a white wall. u can just compare it to other lives the members have done at the dorms before.

@breadluvr: @kulkul i fear you are in fact coming off as weird…

@04prilstar: i’m kinda upset though :( i really wanted to know where he got his SNU hoodie :(

@urikuri: uh, sorry to break it to you but he probably got it from his boyfriend’s closet

@rikuchandesu: does that mean he’s dating a SNU student? O:

@cheetahlee: i don’t really go here but i’m a student from SNU and there are some rumors among students who claim that they’ve seen yushi around campus a few times before. people who’ve seen him say that he’s always covering himself. i wouldn’t say this is a crazy idea lol the fact that yushi frequents the SNU campus is a bit of an open secret but take this with a grain of salt.

@yutkul4eva: one of the top idols at the moment is dating someone who’s currently a student at the top university in the country. that’s kinda insane if u ask me lol #goals but also, how tf do they manage to do it

@oision: i don’t wanna be that person and sound borderline delulu but i feel like the 10-minute section where yushi talks about ‘hidden harmony’ is such a big hint. he said the song was a gift for him and he looked really excited to talk about it, but the lyrics sound like a love confession: the song talks about a secret and quiet love where both parts move in perfect synchrony, isn’t that a weird thing to gift to a close friend?

@maedablackcat: you’re not delulu. @mokpoboy said it on another comment, yushi does look at the person behind the camera when he says that it’s his favorite song (40:23) and he’s beaming! also, later at 48:35 you can hear the person tell him to cut it out, and yushi giggles!! i don’t really think that’s his manager.

@sionie.angel: so we could conclude that yushi is dating jaehee, the composer of ‘hidden harmony’

@yourocean: wait what if jaehee is a music student at SNU and that’s why this was his first official composition

@ryotese: SNU music student here, i don’t think there’s any jaehee in the major?

@foryouonly: whatever it is, i’m just happy because our yushi looks absolutely radiant too <3 our little star

📚🎹. . .

Daeyoung is in a good mood. He hasn’t felt this way in a long time. It’s akin to warm sunshine seeping under his skin as soon as he opens his eyes in the morning, or the calm that brings the gentle purring of a sleeping cat in his arms. The smile takes place on his face in an almost involuntary manner and accompanies him even after he’s left his apartment and headed to meet with his friends before class the way they do every day.

He could have declined the invitation for breakfast, considering that he ate with his boyfriend in the morning. He had prepared some food for the two of them, and they had eaten in their pajamas before Daeyoung had to leave for class, like the responsible student that he is. However, he can’t deny that hanging out with his friends is one of the most enjoyable parts of his routine, and today Daeyoung feels so joyful that he doesn’t want to miss this little ritual they have, even when it means having breakfast for a second time in the day.

When he arrives, Sakuya and Ryo are already sitting at their usual table at the coffee shop next to their campus. Ryo is scribbling on a notebook while Sakuya is watching TikToks on his phone, each of them in silence with focused expressions on their faces. There are hot drinks in front of them, with steam pouring off them, and in the middle of the table some bread and cookies. Daeyoung glances at his wristwatch: he’s five minutes late, which would explain why they already ordered.

Daeyoung does try to come up with an excuse that wouldn’t involve admitting that he spent extra five minutes hugging Yushi’s sleeping frame when he woke up. He places his backpack on the floor next to his chair and starts rubbing the side of his neck, humming lowly, but before he can even utter a single word, Sakuya and Ryo are already looking up at him. Ryo frowns and squints, like he’s reading him. Sakuya decides to be as blunt as usual.

“Something happened to you.”

Daeyoung can barely react. No ‘hello’, no ‘you are late’—none of that aside from a straight-up observation.

“Uhm… uh?”

Ryo’s eyes are still fixed on him, like they’re studying him, when the boy finally speaks. “Yeah, you look happy. Plus, you’re never late.” Ryo raises his eyebrows knowingly.

“I- I barely said anything,” Daeyoung mutters as he takes his seat. Ryo shakes his head in response.

“We can just tell, Daeng. Now, spit.”

“Nothing happened.” Daeyoung takes his cup and brings it to his lips. Albeit tense, there’s still that stupid grin betraying him on his face, even when he tries to hide it behind the cup. Sakuya starts laughing, and he even nudges at Ryo with his elbow. “Hey, I’m not lying.”

“Yeah, sure.” Sakuya scoffs. “Just tell us.”

Daeyoung sighs. He’s quite bad at hiding how he feels, no wonder his two friends noticed right away. He can’t hide from them for too long. He’s a bit sheepish when he leaves the cup on the table and starts talking, but he can’t help the way his voice becomes chirpy and excited, undeniably happy. There’s a faint reddish hue taking over his ears and his neck.

“It’s just—my boyfriend visited me last night. He’s been busy, so I wasn’t expecting to see him this soon.”

Sakuya and Ryo know that he’s currently in a long-term relationship, and they also know that it’s a bit of a complex situation; however, they don’t really know much about it aside from that.

Every time the topic of his relationship comes up Daeyoung tries to be as vague as possible, so as not to reveal Yushi’s identity. He’s been friends with Sakuya and Ryo since they became classmates, but Daeyoung is still a bit afraid of telling them who his boyfriend is. He chose to do this—it’s not something he talked with Yushi, but he knows that if a word about them leaves their circle, it could taint Yushi’s reputation. Not only is he an idol in a long-term relationship: he’s also dating a commoner. It was one thing when Daeyoung was his manager because at least they were part of the same industry, but now that Daeyoung is away from that world, it’s a bit different. No one would believe him if he said that he’s dating ONLYOU’s Tokuno Yushi, anyway.

There is a downside to this, though. Sakuya and Ryo don’t like Daeyoung’s boyfriend. They have been friends for years, after all; of course they think Daeyoung’s relationship is fucking weird. It kinda is, anyways. Daeyoung doesn’t blame them. But when Ryo grimaces at his words and the smile falls from Sakuya’s face, Daeyoung can’t stop himself from feeling impotent—a knot forms on his throat and he tries to swallow it down with his coffee.

Daeyoung scratches his head and looks around, uncomfortable. “See? This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”

“I’m sorry, hyung. It’s just—”

Sakuya interrupts Ryo before he can say anything. “It’s weird, hyung. Sorry.”

“We’re happy you’re happy, hyung, but we worry about you, too. I’m not sure he’s good for you.”

“You don’t get it,” Daeyoung blurts out. He’s staring at the liquid on his cup now because he doesn’t feel capable enough to look at his friends. He knows they’re worried but it’s only because they don’t know the full story.

“Daeng, this guy is always busy, you never say his name, you never show his face, we don’t know him—it’s like you two are always hiding.”

“Plus,” Ryo adds, “he only comes to you when he wants to, and even though we’re your closest friends, we’ve never met him.”

“That’s not true,” Daeyoung pouts. It is true, kinda, but it’s not because Yushi is a bad person or because he wants to act this way. He knows Yushi wouldn’t leave him alone if he had the opportunity—it was like that when they lived in the same dorm and spent every waking hour together. “It’s more complex than you think, I swear.”

“I don’t know,” Sakuya sips on his drink. “Bad vibes.”

“If you say so, Daeng. As long as you’re happy. I guess.” There’s a pause that lasts a few seconds where none of them say anything before Ryo talks again. “Sorry for ruining the vibe.”

“No, I get it. It’s okay.”

Their conversation weighs in the air. The atmosphere around them gets so dense even when they’re sitting in complete silence. There goes Daeyoung’s good mood. He understands Sakuya and Ryo’s worry, and he can tell where they’re coming from, but this conversation always makes him doubt himself. It injects a thousand noxious thoughts into his head—they’re like ants crawling inside every corner of his mind, almost plaguing.

Is this really the kind of relationship he deserves? Is he actually deserving of someone like Tokuno Yushi? Wouldn’t it be better if Yushi were dating a fellow idol? Maybe Yushi is out of his league. Maybe Sakuya and Ryo are right: it is weird, and it shouldn’t be like this. Maybe love isn’t supposed to be this complex. Although it isn’t, actually. There is nothing complex about Yushi’s feelings or his own—they know they love each other; it’s the circumstances the ones that wound them and make everything more difficult.

Then Daeyoung thinks about Yushi’s smiley face last night, as he rambled about the song Daeyoung made for him. He also thinks about his lips and the things they did together, and Yushi’s soft voice calling his name in hushed whimpers and telling Daeyoung that he loved him. And just like that Daeyoung knows he’s wrong. Yushi chose him over a hundred pretty faces in the industry. Yushi loves him; that’s all that matters to Daeyoung, really.

A subtle gasp brings him back to reality. Ryo is now looking at his phone, and his eyes are so wide they could burst out of their sockets. Sakuya is quick to lean over his space to steal a glance at his screen to see what the fuzz is about.

“What? What happened?” Sakuya mumbles. Daeyoung watches them curiously.

“Tokuno Yushi,” Ryo replies in a shaky breath, and that’s enough to grab Daeyoung’s attention. “ONLYOU’s Yushi is dating someone.”

“What?! Let me see.”

Daeyoung extends his arm over the table and quite literally steals the phone out of Ryo’s grip. His friend barely has any time to react before Daeyoung is bringing the device close to his face. His eyes hover over the letters on the screen, all while Ryo and Sakuya observe him with puzzled expressions. He’s practically squinting, his eyebrows knitted together in concentration and everything.

“Wait, since when do you like ONLYOU?”

“I thought Ryo-chan was the only idol-obsessed here.”

“Hey!” Ryo punches Sakuya’s arm. “I’m not idol-obsessed.”

“You definitely are.”

“I’m not!”

Daeyoung tunes them out. He’s still moving his finger over the comments of the post Ryo was reading. He scrolls and scrolls, and he still can’t process what he’s reading. The public knows. Not about them, specifically, but they have a hunch. Their theories are scarily accurate. One thing is for sure, though: they know Yushi is dating, and they also know his boyfriend was with him during his live last night. Daeyoung curses under his breath—how could they be so careless?

“People are saying he’s dating someone from our uni,” Ryo comments. “Maybe even our major, can you imagine?”

“I’ve never seen him on campus, though.” Sakuya turns around to look at Daeyoung. “Have you ever seen him around?”

“I—” Daeyoung doesn’t know what to reply. He knows he should say that he hasn’t seen him, but Daeyoung’s brain is too busy malfunctioning. He can’t formulate thoughts, too busy panicking. His brain is a mess of static buzz.

At that very moment, his phone starts vibrating. The timing seems almost calculated. Daeyoung is quick to pick it up, fast enough to prevent his friends from seeing the ID of the caller. He doesn’t need to see who it is. It’s obvious, he already knows, and he confirms it when he hears the voice on the other side mumble nervously.

“Jaehee.” Yushi’s voice sounds as tremulous as Daeyoung feels right now. “Are you busy?”

“Not really.” Daeyoung bites his lip and side-eyes his friends. They’re staring at him.

“Did… did you see?”

Daeyoung lets out an exhale. “I already did, hyung.”

“Can you come to the company?”

As soon as he hears those words, Daeyoung hurriedly stands up from his spot and starts gathering his stuff messily. His knee bumps against the table; the cups shake with a faint clatter. “Yes, hyung. I’ll go there right now, wait for me.” He’s already throwing his backpack over his shoulder when he hangs up and turns around to shoot a glance at his friends. “I’ve to go. Sorry. ’s an emergency.

His chest heaves in and out as he exits the coffee shop in long strides. Sakuya and Ryo are still staring, now more confused than ever. They’re glued to their seats as their eyes follow Daeyoung’s figure, even through the big glass on the front of the shop. When Daeyoung disappears from their sight, they turn to look at each other.

“That was weird as fuck,” Ryo is the first to speak.

Sakuya can only nod. “What if…” But Ryo is quick to shake his head with his eyes closed.

“Don’t make me think about it.”

“It’d be wild.”

Ryo snorts. “You tell me.”

📚🎹. . .

There is something weird about being inside the SM building after such a long time. Its familiarity ignites an uncomfortable taste in the tip of Daeyoung’s tongue. He knows the corners of this building like the back of his hand, and yet that doesn’t stop Daeyoung from feeling out of place—like he doesn’t belong here and, instead, his presence is minuscule inside the maze of white walls, LED screens and colorful posters. Daeyoung feels overpowered, and he’d be lying if he said that the anxiety isn’t eating him alive with every step he takes.

The woman who works at the counter by the entry has been an SM employee for nearly a decade. She knows Daeyoung, and although he doesn’t expect her to remember him, she still lets out a surprised smile upon recognizing him. It’s awkward—for him, at least. The lady asks him about his whereabouts and the motive behind his visit, and Daeyoung feels forced to tell the truth: he’s there to meet Yushi, as if that wasn’t practically a huge hint of the real reason why he’s there.

SM still feels somehow plastic, clinical and devoid of life. The sterile smell of the hallways makes Daeyoung shiver. It’s cold in a way that makes Daeyoung wonder just how something so exciting and warm could have bloomed in such a place. For an entertainment company, the hallways past the second floor are quite silent, so the rapid thump of his own heart is amplified against his ears and against his temple. Daeyoung can hear his own shaky exhalations, and that only makes him hyperaware of his own anxiety.

He meets Riku by accident. His friend looks at him like he wasn’t expecting to see him there, but then the realization hits him, and his demeanor relaxes again. Instead of asking him about how he’s doing, Riku simply pats his back in a reassuring motion and wishes him good luck before promising Daeyoung that they’ll catch up with each other sometime soon. If it had been Sion, Daeyoung is sure that his other friend would have stopped him to chat a little bit more about the situation, but Riku has always been a bit more sensitive than Sion. He knows when to be careful.

Daeyoung keeps walking. He turns down the hall one more time, and he finds Yushi. He’s sitting on a couch by a makeshift waiting area outside a row of offices while he stares at the ground and nips on the skin of his thumb. His foot taps gently at the tiles on the floor in a way that shouldn’t be as rhythmic as it actually is. Daeyoung’s feet bring him closer, and the sound of his steps irrupting on the steady rhythm of Yushi’s own foot seems to catch his attention. Yushi looks up and sighs in relief.

Daeyoung stops in front of him. In the stillness of his posture, he becomes aware of the tremble of his hands and how jittery his legs feel. He tries not to appear nervous as per his endless desire to be an anchor for Yushi, but he can’t really deny it. Daeyoung is scared. There are a thousand reasons to be scared and they all swarm and fill the entire expanse of Daeyoung’s mind. He’s always prided himself on being quite an optimist, but today he feels overpowered, something unusual of him.

He doesn’t want to show it. He wants to appear calm. For Yushi, mainly, because if he’s scared then he can’t imagine how anxious Yushi feels in turn—he’s the one who’s a public figure, after all; Daeyoung is a mere college student, still working on his degree to become a composer. But Yushi knows him too well. He knows about his sudden quietness and the way his lips tighten into a line, and he just knows that Daeyoung is worried too.

Yushi immediately stands up and throws himself into Daeyoung’s arms. He doesn’t say anything, only letting his body dissolve into his embrace. Yushi’s arms circle Daeyoung’s shoulders. He hides his head against Daeyoung’s neck, all while his messy black hair prickles Daeyoung’s chin. The smell of his shampoo is strong—something fruity that brings more comfort to Daeyoung than he expected.

They stay like that for a minute. They’re in complete silence aside from the quiet syncopation of their heartbeats and their breathing. The hallway around them is still cold, but that coldness doesn’t seep into their hug. None of them say anything. Words are not needed to transfer comfort in dire times.

Whatever happens in the next few hours will be critical for their relationship. Daeyoung knew about the implications of dating a promising idol, and yet he didn’t think twice before falling for Yushi’s charms. He’s always been more emotional, a little bit of an idealist, and definitely an optimist. He knew that one day their relationship could be uncovered by the public, and yet Daeyoung always thought that it was a distant situation for them. He didn’t think they were safe, but he didn’t think it’d happen this soon either.

However, now the claims are slapping him on the face and breathing down his nape and Daeyoung doesn’t know what to do. He’s scared. He doesn’t want to be a detriment to Yushi’s career. Daeyoung doesn’t want to ruin this for Yushi because he knows how important his career is for him. Yushi trained 5 entire years before his debut, and he’s currently on the 6th year of his career: he has dedicated a whole decade of his life so he can be where he is now. He can’t just throw everything away. A relationship is a burden. Fans won’t like this, probably—they never do. The public never agrees—they’re always ready to feast on a mishap like vultures on dead meat.

Daeyoung doesn’t want this for Yushi. He doesn’t want to be the reason why Yushi’s career could get tainted.

He remembers what happened all those years ago when a Music Core employee tried to create a controversy by claiming that Yushi had attitude issues and mistreated his staff. Daeyoung doesn’t think he can forget the sound of his sobs in the van, or the fear in his face when he thought everything had been ruined for him, or the way Yushi insisted on blaming himself for mistakes that weren’t even his. He has worked hard for this, that’s what he said through gritted teeth back then. Daeyoung has been able to see Yushi’s efforts up close.

Back then, Daeyoung had tried to be a steady presence for Yushi, as his manager mainly, but also because it hurt seeing him like this. He had provided him comfort and assured him that the public wouldn’t turn his back on him. Yushi believed him, and he had been right by the end.

Today, however, Daeyoung can’t find calm within himself. Maybe it’s because if something happens, he knows he’s the one to blame. If he could save Yushi, he would let go of him. He would do it if that’s what SM wants from him. He would swallow his pain and the ache in his heart, and he would write a hundred songs for him if that’s what it takes to make Yushi more successful instead of forcing him to sink down while tied to his wrist.

But Yushi doesn’t seem to think the same. Daeyoung notices when they sit down and Yushi gives his hand a reassuring squeeze. There is a soft smile on his face when they look at each other. Yushi is calmer than Daeyoung expected—surprisingly calm, even. Although it’s clear the abruptness of the situation is wearing him down, he doesn’t seem as antsy as Daeyoung is definitely feeling right now.

It's ironic. They were in this same exact position some years ago: at the company, ready to revise the statement the company would publish. However, back then the roles had been switched. This time, Yushi is the one who tells Daeyoung that everything will turn out okay, and that he doesn’t mind announcing their relationship. He’s oddly relaxed and confident, unlike back then.

“You can’t be serious,” Daeyoung mutters with a frown. Instead of feeling offended, Yushi simply snorts.

“I am,” he declares. “I think it’s time.”

“But—aren’t you worried?”

God, Yushi is so unpredictable. He shrugs in response. He fucking shrugs, and Daeyoung can’t believe him when he’s literally one second away from ripping his own hair off his skull.

“I don’t know, I just think this was bound to happen.” A pause. “It’ll be fine, as long as they keep your identity anonymous—I don’t want people to harass you.”

“Are you sure you want this? Because I don’t want this to affect your career or—”

Yushi interrupts him. He always does when he thinks Daeyoung is rambling. “We can’t hide forever, can we?”

Daeyoung simply stares at him in silence. Yushi is right. And yet—

“But what about—”

Yushi shakes his head.

“Trust me.”

The door to the meeting room opens. ONLYOU’s manager comes out of the room with a gentle, tired smile and invites them in. When the SM executives ask them about their decision, Daeyoung and Yushi already know what they are going to say.

📚🎹. . .

Hello. This is SM Entertainment.

We would like to share some news regarding our artist, ONLYOU’s YUSHI.

During the past few days, rumors about YUSHI’s dating status have surged online. After careful consideration and close discussion with the artist, we would like to confirm that YUSHI is currently in a relationship with a non-celebrity. Their relationship has flourished over the course of the past 4 years as YUSHI executed his promotions as an ONLYOU member and solo artist. The two of them met in a work-related setting and started seeing each with good feelings, forming a warm bond based on mutual trust that has continued steadily until now.

As the person involved is not a public figure, we kindly ask for your understanding and consideration in respecting their privacy. YUSHI’s partner is not involved in the industry at the moment as he’s currently living a quiet life as a normal citizen. We hope that fans can continue supporting ONLYOU’s YUSHI’s activities, both as a group member and as a solo artist, and that you can provide warmth and encouragement to our artist throughout his personal and professional journey.

Meanwhile, SM Entertainmet will ensure that our artist keeps providing you an outstanding performance as he’s been doing for the past 6 years. Thank you always for your love and support.

Sincerely,

SM Entertainment.

📚🎹. . .

Yushi spends the night at Daeyoung’s apartment. It’s not that he doesn’t want to go back to the dorms and surround himself with the comfort of his teammates’ presence. Going home with Daeyoung just felt like it was the right thing to do after that meeting. It was long and tense and especially tiring. ONLYOU’s current manager drives them back home; he tries to distract them with meaningless conversation, but his attempts end up being futile. The ride is especially silent; dense, even. Yushi doesn’t say much, and Daeyoung still seems somehow absent. Distracted. The meeting with the company ended, and yet Daeyoung’s mind is still racing with a hundred thoughts he can’t even process.

They go straight to bed. It’s been such an exhausting day, a bit of an impromptu rollercoaster ride. Truth be told, the only thing Daeyoung wants at the moment is closing his eyes. And silence. He needs silence and for his mind to quiet down.

They turn off the lights and curl together under the covers. Daeyoung’s head is resting against Yushi’s chest. The subtle movement caused by his breathing is comforting. The fabric of the sweatshirt he wears to sleep is especially soft, and it smells like detergent. Yushi smells clean and soapy, too, and Daeyoung wants to stay there forever. Unconsciously, he rubs his cheek against the cotton of the fabric and makes himself smaller against Yushi’s frame.

“I’m scared,” Daeyoung blurts out of nowhere.

Yushi’s fingers find their way to his hair. His fingernails scratch his scalp on one side of his head. The gesture, albeit subtle, is meant to be reassuring. It’s Yushi’s silent way to tell him that he’s there.

“Why?”

“I’m not sure we’re doing the right thing.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe we shouldn’t be together.”

There it is. Daeyoung spent the entire day torturing himself, and yet he didn’t dare toe the line around this territory. The thought haunted him the entire afternoon, but Daeyoung had been too afraid to put it into words. It only meant that he’d be able to recognize its existence. Daeyoung hates the idea, but it’s there, and even when he wants to, he can’t ignore it. Not when it’s looming like a shadow and Daeyoung feels like he’s sinking and sinking and dragging Yushi with him in the process.

He doesn’t notice the way the words come out until it’s too late. There is a pause and a moment of silence that drags for a bit too long. Daeyoung doesn’t dare move his head to sneak a glance at Yushi’s expression. When he finally speaks, his voice is gentle and somehow deliberate, too, like he’s being extremely careful with his words. It’s soft—too soft and small for Daeyoung’s liking, in fact.

“Are you saying that you wanna break up with me?”

“No! That’s not—I didn’t say that.”

“That’s exactly what you said, though.”

“No, hyung, it’s just—” It’s so frustrating. Daeyoung feels like he’s already ruining everything. Maybe the public’s output wasn’t even needed. He’s being stupid, but he can’t help it. Yushi’s nails are still drawing circles on his hair, they’re still reassuring. Daeyoung wants to whine and hide himself—sink deeper into the heat of Yushi’s chest and the softness of his sweatshirt. “I don’t want anything to happen to you. I don’t want it to be my fault.”

“Why do you think it’d be your fault? Jaehee, that’s impossible.”

Daeyoung doesn’t notice the moment his breathing becomes agitated. He’s been so anxious the entire day, and in full honesty, the only thing he wants right now is to cry. He’s biting back the tears. Yushi’s arms circle his body and push him closer to him, as if that were even possible.

He feels like this is just one big butterfly effect. If Daeyoung hadn’t fought with his parents back then and stayed in Daegu, Yushi wouldn’t have been forced to deal with this situation right now. In fact, they wouldn’t have even met, which is a shame. Instead, Yushi would have been a mere pretty face on TV. He wouldn’t have meant anything else to Daeyoung, and maybe that’s fine. At least, it’d mean that Yushi wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of falling in love with his ex-manager and the risk of a public relationship.

“If you didn’t have a boyfriend, you wouldn’t have to worry about the impact of a relationship in your career.” Daeyoung sniffles, and Yushi smiles at him, brushing his bangs out of his forehead. “There’s a possibility that your fans don’t like this, and if that ends up being true, I won’t be able to forgive myself for ruining things for you.”

At first, Yushi doesn’t really say anything. It’s a delicate topic, after all. They both know that his career is the most important thing for him. Also, Daeyoung is right, even when he’s putting himself in the worst possible scenario. There is a reason why they’ve kept their relationship a secret for such a long time. Claiming to be single is akin to taking the easy route in a game.

However, it is also true that Daeyoung’s worry is rooted in his tendency to become responsible for everything. He wants to take matters into his own hands because it means that he’s making things easier for everyone around him. That’s why he puts the blame on himself and tries to carry burdens that aren’t even under his own control. Yushi knows that quite well. Daeyoung wants to be an anchor to ease Yushi’s worries, but that’s only possible if he drowns himself in the process. It’s not necessary. Yushi can’t allow Daeyoung to carry his burdens.

Truth be told, Yushi is sure of his position in the industry. He doesn’t want to sound overly confident because the truth is that he still has a path ahead and things to learn. Nevertheless, a solo debut means that he has solidified his position in a way. Yushi has a strong fanbase that has demonstrated their loyalty through thick and thin many times before, and Yushi trusts them. He doesn’t care about what anyone could say as long as his fans are by his side, and he has an inkling that they won’t betray him this time.

That’s the real reason why Yushi isn’t worried. He knows his fans quite well; they won’t get mad. They’ll be as welcoming and supportive as always. Plus, deep down, Yushi wants to brag about Daeyoung too. The ones who truly support him will stay with him by the end of the day.

“You’re worrying too much. It’ll be fine.” Yushi kisses the top of Daeyoung’s head. “And even if something were to happen, it’s not your fault. Stop blaming yourself.”

Daeyoung nods in response. He hangs on the reassurance of Yushi’s gentle words like they’re a lifeline. He holds onto them even when Yushi’s lips leave subtle caresses over his skin and their breaths mingle together. Daeyoung lets Yushi take care of him and offers his trust so Yushi can dissolve his worries away. Their fingers are interlocked, and Daeyoung squeezes Yushi’s hand with every thrust and every moan that escapes from his mouth, making sure to show him that he won’t let go of him yet. Not that Yushi would let him.

They will be okay. Daeyoung decides to trust Yushi this time.

📚🎹. . .

ONLYOU’s Yushi Confirms Relationship with Non-Celebrity Boyfriend | K-POP GOSSIP!

Read Comments:

@foryouonly: Congratulations on your relationship, Yushi! I can’t believe you hid this for so long… I will always support you, baby. I want nothing but your happiness <3

@oision: 4 years is such a long time tho 😭 his boyfriend must really love him if he can put up with the hustle of idol life for so long

@tokuneko: MY YUSHIIIIIII ㅠㅠ i hope you’re happy and loved, that’s all i ask.

@nekozzz: oomf, i feel like a proud mom :( you’re so right. i hope his boyfriend gives him all the love he deserves.

@yutkul4eva: FUCKKK WDYM YUTKUL FAKE WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS USERNAME NOW?

@yusiontop: you tell me…………

@fukui.ocean: onri truthers keep winning

@urikuri: i don’t wanna be that person bc i want to respect their privacy BUT i can’t stop thinking about the part that says that they met in a work-related setting 4 years ago … i can think of someone who worked with onlyou 4 years ago, who was veryyyyy close to yushi and who’s not part of the industry anymore bc he quit his job to start college

@04prilstar: wait who are u talking about and how do u know so much?

@urikuri: @04prilstar i’m talking about their manager from attitude era ㅋㅋㅋ he worked for a brief period of time, he was around the member’s age, and while he was close to all the members, yushi was definitely the clingiest around him. he went viral a few times within the fandom, that’s why we know so much about him + sion gave a bunch of TMIs about him. that’s also how we discovered that he had quit the job to start college

kudos to sion for his oversharing tendencies lmao

@mokpoboy: OH MY GOD I WAS THINKING THE SAME i used to ship them so hard, they were so cute together ahhhh daeyoung and yushi had so much chemistry in that one interview video,,, I WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED

@ushibaby: @mokpoboy daeyoung also mentions an interest in music composition in that video ㅋㅋ he said that it was his dream to go to university and get a degree in that ㅋㅋㅋㅋ what are the odds,,

@babycalf: @mokpoboy i remember that when i watched that video for the first time all the comments were talking about daeyoung and yushi together ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

@04prilstar: damn i really need to catch up to understand the lore u-u

@tangerineko: @urikuri you’re not the only one who made the connection ㅋㅋ i got the interview video recommended on my feed this morning, many people are watching it again.

@04prilstar, you’ll understand once you watch the video. it’s called #ONLY-INTERVIEW i think

@maedaking: plot twist: yushi’s boyfriend is their old manager from attitude era, who went to uni to study music, and now composes music under the name jaehee ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

@ryotese: wait holy shit……………

📚🎹. . .

Daeyoung refuses to look at his phone when he wakes up. When he gets ready to go to class, Yushi is still in bed. The subtle glow of his screen illuminates his features and the gentle smile he’s trying to suppress as he scrolls and scrolls and scrolls. He says that his current manager is texting him and that Sion and Riku are teasing him on their group chat—Sion keeps sending him funny posts about the news about Yushi’s relationship. Still, that’s not enough to bribe Daeyoung into checking the public’s reaction for himself.

He doesn’t want to know whether they’re happy or angry. Not yet at least. Maybe in the afternoon, after he’s busied himself the entire day and his mind is tired enough to conceal the nervousness and make him believe that he’s ready.

However, Daeyoung still has a hunch of what’s going on. He notices the subtle hints around him. Daeyoung tries not to think about it, but it’s impossible when he sees that  Yushi is still in bed, giggling to himself as he replies to the posts Sion keeps sending him; he’s not worried in the slightest. Then, Daeyoung gets on the bus and there’s a girl his age who keeps staring at him, almost squinting, as if she’s trying to dissect his features. She’s wearing headphones, and Daeyoung can recognize a Riku photocard hanging from her tote bag. She’s not subtle at all, and Daeyoung thinks—ok, I’m going insane. This is impossible. That is not happening.

He might be wrong. Maybe he’s being paranoid. Daeyoung tries to convince himself that he is, but Riku’s face is still staring at him, hanging from her bag, and Daeyoung can’t stop thinking about the possibility of an ONLYOU fan recognizing him—whether it is as ONLYOU’s ex-manager from 4 years ago (which sounds insane), or as Yushi’s non-celebrity boyfriend (which is even more insane, actually, because SM released their statement 12 hours ago, and there’s no way people already disclosed his identity).

Back then, when Daeyoung worked at SM, he got used to people looking at him. Kind of. He was always around a group of idols, so it was natural that people paid him a little bit of attention too. He also went viral a few times, which made people become even more aware of his existence. However, Daeyoung didn’t care about the attention. Fans looked at him as a coincidence. It was a part of the circumstance. They didn’t look at him because they wanted to, even when the most avid of them recognized him on the streets sometimes. But that stopped rather quickly. Daeyoung quit the job and led a normal life, and he went back to the safety of being a nobody.

Having a random ONLYOU fan stare at him like that makes him feel self-conscious. It’s like he’s back to those days when he was an SM employee. Daeyoung turns his head and looks at her. She smirks knowingly, like she just confirmed her assumptions. Then, she finally looks away.

Daeyoung tries to brush it off. It’s nothing, he supposes. He gets off the bus and heads to the coffee shop to meet Ryo and Sakuya, the way he does every single morning. A quick glance at his wristwatch tells him he’s barely on time. He glances inside the shop now. Ryo and Sakuya are already there—there’s a single croissant in front of Sakuya; no drinks today, it seems.

He doesn’t expect what happens when he reaches their table, though. Daeyoung has an apology on his lips: for getting there barely on time today, but also for leaving yesterday with no explanation. However, he doesn’t even have time to open his mouth when Ryo is already pushing his own phone into Daeyoung’s face. What he sees is his own face, albeit 4 years younger. It’s a paused frame of the interview he recorded with ONLYOU—next to him it’s a ginger-haired Yushi sulking because Daeyoung didn’t chose him as his favorite member.

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Huh? I—”

Daeyoung doesn’t have time to react. There are a hundred reasons and a joint of scrambled words in his head. How did Ryo even find that video? It’s not even one of the most popular ones in the ONLYOU YouTube channel. But if he’s watching that video, it means that they know about his connection to the idol group, which also means that—

“Hyung, why didn’t you tell us that we were bad-mouthing Tokuno Yushi?”

“You let us look like idiots,” Sakuya adds, and they definitely look wounded.

And—okay, Daeyoung wasn’t expecting that. He thought his friend was reprimanding him for hiding such an important part of himself from them. He didn’t think Ryo would scold him for letting them talk shit about the Tokuno Yushi. Without noticing, Daeyoung starts laughing. It’s subtle at first, but then it morphs into full-on laughter, and he has to cover his mouth with his hand.

“Don’t laugh!”

“I… I’m sorry?” Daeyoung offers with a meek smile. “So, I suppose you know now… How did you find that?”

“Hyung, it’s everywhere,” Sakuya supplies like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Daeyoung didn’t know, okay? “It wasn’t hard for people to connect the dots and realize that you were the mysterious boyfriend. Not with your digital footprint.”

“Oh, I haven’t checked anything. I didn’t think…”

Ryo nods in understanding. There’s no need to say more. His friend extends one hand over the table and pats his arm in what’s supposed to be a reassuring gesture. Daeyoung’s words die on his mouth to stare at his friend in mild surprise. Daeyoung expected them to be upset—not telling them about Yushi is a sign of distrust, anyway. Daeyoung lied to them, even if he had his reasons to do so. But Sakuya and Ryo are more understanding than he thought they were, and he can see it in the sincerity in their eyes when they look at him.

“Maybe we should apologize to you,” Sakuya utters, and Ryo nods almost immediately. They probably talked about this before he arrived. Maybe they met up earlier today so they could have a chat without him. “We were worried about you, hyung, that’s why we insisted that your boyfriend was bad. We didn’t know…”

Daeyoung is about to open his mouth, but Ryo beats him to it.

“And we get it! We can understand why you would hide something like this from us, even if we’re your friends. It was risky for you—for you both, actually.”

And Daeyoung is so glad. He can feel his body dissolve in relief. He’s so damn glad that his friends are so understanding and that they aren’t forcing him to overexplain himself. Or worse, push him to talk about Yushi and take advantage of his relationship with the idol. Maybe Daeyoung chose the right people to befriend. At least now he knows that Sakuya and Ryo have his back, and that they care about him.

“It’s fine.” Daeyoung smiles. Ryo is still patting his arm over the table. “It’s just—I had to take certain precautions, and I was afraid our secret would fall on the wrong people, you know?”

“We understand, hyung. You don’t need to explain yourself,” Sakuya mumbles.

“It was a complex situation indeed.” Ryo agrees. “How are you doing, by the way? Now that everyone knows about you and Tokuno Yushi—wait, wow, that sounds insane.”

Daeyoung actually stops and thinks about it before answering. He woke up feeling quite nervous today, and he won’t try to deny it. But Daeyoung also thinks that a big part of his worries was abandoned last night. Yushi helped him calm down, and he showed him that the only thing that actually matters is the mutual feelings they harbor for each other. Every other situation is external to their bond, and the only safe mechanism to face the impending scrutiny is by doing it side-by-side.

Now he knows that his identity is not anonymous anymore. That would explain why the girl on the bus kept staring at him. Daeyoung supposes that it’s a burden he must carry if he wants to spend his life next to someone as great as Yushi—he can do it. He was his manager, Daeyoung has experience in the field. Kind of. Plus, SM did mention that they would sue anyone who dared to trespass his privacy—not only because he’s closely tied to Yushi now, but also because he’s a normal citizen; the fact that he’s an ex-employee is only a plus. His identity being public is something that scares him a bit, but there’s not much he can do about it. At least he knows that there’s a legal team who will back him up if something happens.

There is one thing, though. The one thing that scared him the most ever since the beginning of this entire ordeal. He still doesn’t dare check the public’s reactions, and he’s afraid to see if they’re saying bad things about Yushi because of him. Sure, the cat is out of the bag, but is that a good or a bad thing? It would only depend on what netizens are thinking. They’re the ones who’ll decide.

As soon as he mentions how anxious he’s been about that particular topic, twin knowing smiles spread on Sakuya and Ryo’s faces. If they could find out that Daeyoung is Yushi’s boyfriend and access to content from his years as a manager, then they’ve surely seen the articles released about them. They must have read the hundreds of comments about Tokuno Yushi’s relationship, so they definitely know whether the reaction is good or bad. Ryo is a bit idol-obsessed, on top of that; he wouldn’t miss on something like this, especially considering that he’s Sion’s fan—ONLYOU matters are important to him, too.

Hesitant, Daeyoung asks them if they know anything, too afraid to look for himself. Ryo pulls his phone again and starts scrolling through the comments, even reading them out loud, and Daeyoung feels like he can finally breathe. His entire body slumps on the chair, and Ryo chuckles at the sight.

They’re supportive. That’s everything Daeyoung wanted to hear. The public is supportive of their relationship. They’re excited about the hidden lore and about Daeyoung’s entire existence and his ties to ONLYOU. More especially, they’re on Yushi’s side. Daeyoung was afraid netizens would crucify him, but everyone is so happy about Yushi that Daeyoung feels like he could cry in relief.

📚🎹. . .

Perhaps that’s why Yushi comes to him with a proposition a few days later. It happens after the initial reactions have calmed down, and Daeyoung has started relaxing and coming to terms with the idea of people knowing that he’s dating Yushi. Yushi did tell him that he had been right, and he’s way too smug when he mumbles, “I told you so. I knew you needn’t worry,” like he’s never wrong about anything in life. He’s so stubborn, yet he still plants a reassuring kiss on Daeyoung’s cheek.

He has spent almost the entire week at Daeyoung’s apartment—not that Daeyoung is bothered by that; in fact, Daeyoung thinks that Yushi’s constant presence is what has allowed him to stay sane and not dip in a pool of plaguing nonsensical thoughts. Daeyoung has come home after his afternoon classes, and they’re discussing whether to order takeout or not when Yushi pitches the idea. It’s casual, but it does make Daeyoung pause on his track.

There’s a giggle caught behind Yushi’s teeth, and Daeyoung wonders if he even discussed the idea with his manager before mentioning it to him. For a second, Daeyoung is relieved that he’s not his manager anymore. Yushi is not hard to handle (no one in ONLYOU is, actually), but he has a tendency to get a bit reckless when he’s too high on his emotions. He’s a bit impulsive. His overall giddiness shows that he’s excited—about the whole public relationship thing, something surprising for someone as private as him—and it makes him a bit restless. Yushi tries to pretend that it’s not the case but there’s a kittenish grin on his face and his pupils are shaking slightly, and while Daeyoung may be hesitant, he still thinks Yushi is too cute to say no to him.

So he complies. It might be fun. He hopes Yushi’s actual manager doesn’t get mad at them. Yushi insists that he shouldn’t worry because Daeyoung used to be his manager too, so he knows how to keep him in check, but they both know what happened the last time Yushi said that.

That’s why, when their food delivery comes, Daeyoung helps him settle the tripod on the dinner table. Yushi’s phone is carefully placed in it, angled in a way that can capture the two steaming plates on camera. Once everything is ready, Yushi sends a quick message to his manager and sits alone in front of the camera. He fixes his hair, adjusts the angle, and then finally presses the circular button on the screen to start the live.

Watchers begin to gather. The number on the corner of the screen is increasing. Daeyoung is away from the camera, but he observes everything from the side, suddenly getting nervous. One entire minute passes by before Yushi greets his audience.

@tokuneko: OH MY GOD HI YUSHIIIIII

@rikuchandesu: this is so sudden wahhhhh hi yushi!

@ushibaby: yayy mukbang live?

“Hi, everyone!” He says excitedly, waving his hands to the camera. “Are you surprised?” There’s a permanent soft smile adorning Yushi’s face. It’s graceful. “I thought I could enjoy some company while eating.”

Daeyoung finds himself giggling at that. It must be the nerves. He makes sure to cover his mouth this time.

@babycalf: what’s the menu today?

“The menu? Jjajangmyeon!” Yushi now grabs the plate and shows it to the camera before placing it on the table again. He’s tiptoeing around the edges, waiting for someone to notice. He’s sure someone will say something about the obvious detail that’s been shoved on his audience’s faces. When someone writes a comment pointing it out, that’ll be their cue. That’s what he discussed with Daeyoung as they were preparing.

People keep commenting. Yushi entertains them for a little while, when finally a comment catches his eye. Daeyoung notices right away. There’s a certain glint on his eyes when Yushi spots it, and Daeyoung immediately knows what it means before he even gets to read it out loud.

@onlyushi: why aren’t you eating? :( your food will get cold

@04prilstar: wait, why do you have two plates? did you invite anyone? ㅋㅋ

The smile on Yushi’s face widens at that. He reads the comment out loud and pushes his chair away from the table.

“Did I invite someone?” He chuckles, and finally breaks character, glancing at Daeyoung, who’s heart is beating like crazy on his ribcage. “Would you mind if I did?” Yushi stands up and moves a little bit out of frame, enough to grab Daeyoung by the sleeve of his sweatshirt and pull him closer.

The last thing Yushi says before pushing Daeyoung on frame is, “Can I introduce someone to you?”

📚🎹. . .

ONLYOU YUSHI INSTA LIVE: yummy mukbaaaang!🍜 (feat ?)

Read Comments:

@foryouonly: Kim Daeyoung, long time no see…

@siooooooonie: i had forgotten how handsome daeyoung is. do u think they’re looking for a third? *twirls hair*

@maedaking: daeyoungie looked so nervous at first, but yushi was so sweet. he kept nudging him and checking if daeyoung was comfortable, but daeyoung did so well chatting with the audience <3 they’re so unapologetically sweet, and the loving stares they were throwing at each other while the other one was eating are definitely something.

@0405blog: 23:04 is such a sweet moment ㅠㅠ yushi is just staring at daeyoung while he eats and i don’t think he even realizes the way he’s smiling

@bubblenyang: so this is the relationship between an idol and a music composition student: they just burst out singing in harmony every time the conversation dies down.

they match so well ㅠㅠ🤍

@2ku_no: wait i haven’t been able to watch the full thing yet :( did they ever address the daeyoung/jaehee allegations?

@kulkul: even though daeyoung introduces himself using his name, yushi does call him jaehee a few times (12:56 17:32 35:01). later at 40:13 they talk about ‘hidden harmony’ and confirm that it is indeed one of daeyoung’s compositions and that they chose the name jaehee as his composer name :)

@2ku_no: wait 17:32 is so funny ㅋㅋㅋ “psyche jaehee ver.” ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ and daeyoung just stands up and does the choreo? fuck, they’re cute.

@mokpoboy: soooo, yushi and daeyoung’s mukbang turned into an impromptu Q&A so here’s a summary of some of their answers!

yushi confessed first (they were arguing when it happened?). daeyoung thinks he fell in love with yushi the first time they met (he said yushi didn’t even look at him tho 😭). daeyoung used to think yushi didn’t like him LMAO. they started dating around the time yushi had that one attitude controversy: it was the day sm debunked the allegations and they went to the company so yushi could write his apology letter. the hardest part about dating each other is that onlyou’s tours last too long (noooo cuties). daeyoung wrote ‘hidden harmony’ for yushi when onlyou was having their last tour! it was an assignment for one of his courses at uni. yushi didn’t let us hear the demo of ‘hidden harmony’ (ㅠㅠ). yushi and the A&R team came up with the name jaehee. the only ones who knew about them were their current manager, sion, riku, some of the stylist noonas, and some people in the A&R team.

@urikuri: i didn’t expect yushi to be the one to confess first

@rikuchandesu: 14:38 the story of how they started dating is so sweet tho :( they left the company after yushi wrote his apology letter and when they arrived to the dorms yushi told him “thank you for being by my side” and daeyoung simply responded with “i could be by your side for a really long time if you let me.”

@yutkul4eva: their lore is a bit crazy,, daeyoung was the manager who came forward to clear up the rumors about yushi’s attitude issues back then (he did it because he was involved in the controversy too). he’s also the manager who went viral a few times within the fandom. now he’s a music composition student, and he composed one of the songs in yushi’s album. all that while he’s also yushi’s boyfriend? insane

@ryotese: daeyoung’s friend here! daeyoung has always been quite protective about his relationship with yushi. we’ve been friends since we met in our first year at uni yet he never bragged about knowing the onlyou members or mentioned being close to yushi because he didn’t want to put yushi’s reputation at risk. he was very secretive about it to protect yushi.

daeyoung is a really precious friend and a very sweet person. i haven’t met anyone who’s as sincere as him, so please be kind to him and treat him well! <3

@sakuppang: do u seriously think he would’ve said anything about onlyou to us considering that you’re obsessed with oh sion?

@ryotese: dude did u really have to ruin this post 😭 i was trying to be wholesome

@sakuppang: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

@tokuneko: When Daeyoung used to work with ONLYOU I was really glad that they had someone who cared so much about them around them. It’s such a surprise to see that he’s dating Yushi, but he seems like such a good kid that I can only feel relief to know that Yushi is in good hands. They look like they hold so much affection for each other, and it’s nice, as a fan, to see that I can trust the person by Yushi’s side. I know Yushi can take care of Daeyoung too.

@nekozzz: I’ll be happy as long as Yushi is okay, and it seems like Daeyoungie is doing a really great job at making him happy. 🤍 Smile like that for a long time!