Chapter Text
Valentina stood there once again, people passing her by and not paying her any mind as she stared at the familiar walls. Like the stones might be willing to take pity on her and provide her with some answers. She never went in. In the next few minutes, she’d turn on her heel and walk away as she always did. Disappear into the night and promise herself it was the last time. Because why would she go in? He wasn't there anymore. It wasn't like she could walk up to Wyll's father and ask if he knows what happened to Gortash either. Because that would be admitting to what she's done. That she didn't kill him like she said she did.
She fully did plan to go through with it. After they disabled steel watchers, she knew there was only one way this was going to go. She went there with her companions, prepared to kill him. Trying to desperately turn off that pull she felt towards him, a thing of the past she couldn’t fully remember and yet her soul still called for his. Valentina was always good at turning her feelings off, to do what needed to be done. Yet her hand hesitated at the last moment. It was lucky it was her against him then. Or perhaps very unlucky, because if it was anyone else, Gortash would have been dead, and she could have buried those strange feelings deep inside and never looked back. But it was her; her blade and his bleeding body on the floor. It was her hand that hesitated. It was her who in the last moment, knowing everyone else was too busy to pay her any mind, knocked Gortash out and told the rest he was dead. After the fight, nobody checked the body because why would they? They trusted her. Even if one of them paid him some mind and realised Gortash was still breathing, his injuries were serious enough that without medical attention fast, he would have died. After she purposely missed stabbing him in any vital part, causing him to release one too soft noise of pain, she quickly glanced around and brought the hilt of her weapon to his head. Knowing as long as he was still awake, he’d still try to fight. Then she was left to loot her side of the room. She made sure everyone else was facing away from her before she did the next stupid thing. With the pretense of going through Gortash's pockets, she gave him a little bit of healing potion. Just enough to ensure he didn't die before he woke up. She knew it was a dumb thing to do. She still did it. She just couldn't bear to see him die for some reason.
Then she left with the rest of them. It helped they were in hurry. Nobody had that much time to spend on dead bodies. She tried not to think about it, as they went to face the Elder brain. Then when everything was going to hell, she didn't have time to consider what could have happened to Gortash.
After all was done, it was like he never existed. She knew he was smart and would have realised he was suddenly on losing side and it would have made no sense for him to stay. She hoped he escaped somewhere. After everything returned to normal, she hoped to hear a rumour. Murmur that maybe one of the bodies that was supposed to be in the hall was missing. Nothing. Either nobody realised or nobody cared a dead body went missing. Why would they? When the hero said he was dead and plenty was destroyed, with the streets painted in blood and body parts. For all they knew, one of them might have belonged to Gortash. Which meant she also had no clue what happened. If they took him to prisons, she would have heard. Probably. She wouldn’t have however asked although she’d assume it would have been big enough for people to talk about. Which meant, Gortash either still died there, so nobody had reasons for talking or nobody cared one or two bodies disappeared amongst the chaos with Elder brain, having more important things to worry about. It happened all the time after all.
It just left Val with no answers to her questions. She desperately just wanted to know if he made it out alive. She’d leave it at that. She wouldn’t look for him. They’d never speak again despite the pain in the chest the idea caused her. All she wanted was to know if he was still somewhere out there, safe. It shouldn’t matter but it did.
She couldn't bring herself to ask and she couldn’t make herself let go without knowing. She felt stuck.
Val did one more, quick glance at the entrance and turned in the opposite direction. Feeling coldness deep inside her. It was for the best, she reminded herself. Even if she knew he was alive, what then? It wasn't like they would suddenly find a nice little farmhouse, start a garden and buy a cow. They were still enemies as of right now. Gortash would never forgive her for ruining this. She knew that much. She may have lost plenty of memories, but she knew deep inside her that this meant too much for him and she ruined it all. Finished it by stabbing him in the back. She also promised herself to leave the past in the past and him with it. For her own sake and for Karlach’s. She became friends with those people she travelled with. How could she look any of them in the eye if they knew despite everything she knew, she still had some unexplainable feelings for the man?
With the void that started in her belly and seemed to spread, she walked while fighting the urge to look back. If they crossed paths again, she doubted he'd hesitate to kill her. Soft spot for her or not. She saw it in his eyes that day they fought. Unlike her who hesitated, he was going for the kill. He fought her with everything he had. There was no rebuilding that. She should focus on preserving what was left of her current life.
Not much. Her back turned to her father. Her assassins, no longer welcoming. Her friends all returning to their previous lives or some finding new ones for themselves, far away from here. Then there was Valentina. Stuck in the past. Unable to leave the city she hated for the hope she might hear something still. It was not a healthy obsession, and she knew it. There was still no one to stop her or tell her otherwise. She was left to her own devices and unhealthy ways of wasting the days away.
She should have found love. Then by now, she’d have moved on. She had enough opportunities for that with her companions and perhaps even some others. Yet she couldn’t quite bring herself to start anything with anyone. Something always stopped her. At first, she thought it was simply her missing memories. How could she build something with someone when she had no idea who she even was anymore? But then, they arrived in Moonrise. Went there to face Ketheric. It was then she saw Gortash for the first time and in that moment, she knew, he was the reason why. The missing piece of the puzzle.
She doubted they were ever lovers, learning everything she did once they made it back into Baldur’s Gate. It didn’t change the connection she felt. She knew he felt it too. From the way he looked at her when they arrived, to the way emperor told her the male was planning to, at least temporarily, deliver on his end of the deal he proposed. Alliance wasn’t that strange. What was strange was Gortash wasn’t planning to betray her at the first chance. Why? It didn’t make sense since she very much planned to do just that. Or so she told herself. Keep him around for as long as he was useful with his information and strike when he was the weakest. It was laughable he was the one planning to be honest and deliver in some way. She looked at him again, at the messy and little ragged appearance. He really seemed like a boy just then that chewed off more than he could handle, and was desperately trying to correct his mistakes.
She should have been happy he wasn’t so far planning on betrayal and yet now it made her question if she did need this. If he was willing to go that far as to have someone rule with him, his situation must have been rather dire. It would most likely all crumble on its own around him, given time. The only thing they were short on.
She knew she shouldn’t but still agreed. With everything going on, while they were constantly going uphill, it wouldn’t hurt to have one easier battle. One enemy not closely and constantly watching, planning to strike. Chance to deal with some other problems before returning to this one.
“You have yourself a deal, lord Gortash.” She told him and, in that moment, she tasted the lie on her tongue. She knew she’d never be able to stick to it and she also realised in that moment, she had no idea how she’d bring herself to kill him when the time came. Somewhere at the back of her mind she saw that. The image he tried to paint. The two of them side by side. Part of her did want to stick to the deal. Figure out what this feeling was that made her want to close that distance between them and wrap her arms around him as if she was returning home from a long trip.
She shook it off, getting lost in her mind once again. Where the image of him alive and with a soft smile appeared all too often. She didn’t even know if she ever saw it or if it was just a fragment of her imagination.
She unlocked the door to her modest home, a generous gift from the Duke and set her keys on the table. Put on the lantern she kept by the door, so she could see what she was doing. Despite the few months she spent here, and having enough gold, she never bothered to decorate. Every day she told herself tomorrow will be the last one. Then she’d go to find her own place in the world. Every morning as she dressed and at some point in the day found her feet carrying her towards the fortress, she knew she’d fail once again.
She began pulling off her jacket, ready to hang it back up when a voice somewhere behind her made her drop the item to the floor. It felt as if the ground vanished beneath her feet. She would recognise that voice anywhere. She quickly turned and looked towards the open door to her bedroom. Her eyes scanning carefully the dimly lit room, her lantern not providing enough light to see clearly that far away. To where the voice called and said ‘Welcome back, darling.’ Clear sarcasm at the last word.
A light came on in the bedroom, from the couple of candles she kept at her bedside table. Then Gortash settled back down and laid there on her bed, his arms behind his head for extra support. Watching her silently, the smirk on his face not fading. Like he might have been waiting for her to join even if she should have known better. He would have passed for relaxed were it not for the careful way his eyes were stalking her every movement. His eyes as cold as ice. Even in the warm glow from the candles, she could see that. His appearance even more tired and worn out than the last time she saw him. Gone was the cape and the nicer clothing. He worn some robes, too big for him, fully black as if to blend into the night. He lost some weight and the stubble on his cheeks was a lot darker like he hasn’t bothered to shave since she last saw him.
“Gortash.”
He stood from the bed, bringing himself to his full height and slowly closed the distance between them. To the spot where she remained rooted to the floor, her body refusing to allow her to move to even draw the weapon she had on her. In case she needed some protection.
He tutted softly as he stopped, right in front of her. So close, she could feel the heat of his body and see all the tired lines decorating his face clearly.
“Once you used to call me Enver when we found ourselves alone.” He said the words so gently, they sounded almost like seduction. Just a whisper carried to her, making her wish she could remember the times he referred to. If not for the look in his eyes, the clear wall there, perhaps she would have asked.
“That time is gone.” She responded, her tongue darting out to wet her dry lips. She lowered herself to pick up the coat and turned her back to him, to hang it. Trying to play it cool as if she wasn’t bothered about his company at all or the chance of him coming to kill her. The old her probably would have found it to be nothing. The threat laughable. The old her also wouldn’t have hesitated to kill first and ask questions later, bond or not.
He took a step back then, and from the corner of her eye, she saw he wasn’t as unsettled about the whole thing as she was. She may have looked calm on the outside, but inside, she was falling apart. Suddenly it felt like she was back in time. Back to when she used to wake up with the overwhelming urges calling to her, commanding her to kill and hurt. To the time when she only felt like her control was ready to snap and she could do nothing about it. Coppery taste of blood on her tongue. Her own, from biting it hard. She couldn't be in that place again. Lost in memories. Lost in herself. She wouldn't go back there. Not alone and not with him but there he stood. Unbuttered and not knowing everything that was tearing her apart this very moment. He clasped his hands behind his back as he turned, pretending to look around her modest living quarters.
“It is.” He confirmed, his tone flat. Not giving her anymore to work with. Waiting until she was the one who asked. Another little game from him. She had a feeling he was fond of those. He was clever and always knew the value of not giving much away. Waiting until he got the information he could use instead, to his advantage.
“If you came for your revenge, you’re wasting a lot of precious opportunities to kill me.” He could have easily pinned her smaller frame to the wall and put a knife in-between her shoulder blades. He could have grabbed a handful of her mahogany curls, and pulled her up, causing her to lose her footing. Another easy chance for a kill. Blade across her exposed throat. She could think of a lot more, yet his eyes held her olive ones as she spoke.
“You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?” He asked, once again a smirk gracing his lips as if he was amused by the conversation. “And not like you, to miss a chance for an easy kill. Yet, I’m still here.”
She turned then to fully face him. They both stared at one another for few long painful seconds. Neither quite knowing what to say. She glanced away first, unable to stand the intensity of his gaze on her. The fury there and knowing she was the one at fault for that. She’d probably never get a chance to see that warmth in his eyes once again like it was there, for a brief moment when he saw her for the first time in the fortress.
“What of it?” She questioned, crossing her arms under her chest. Keeping her voice steady and flat to match his. She thought perhaps his eyes might briefly dart down to her subtle cleavage, made more obvious by her gesture but they remained on her face.
“Let’s take a walk.” He said opening the door like a gentleman, holding it open for her. His hand gesturing outside, waiting until she took the few steps out the door. “We have much to discuss.”