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Bitte focused on his breathing as the votes were called out. ‘One vote for Nassy, One for S-swirl. Two for S-swirl’. He doesn’t know what happens to the eliminated contestants. He has a feeling it isn’t good. As the final votes are called out, Bitte sees the look of resignation and acceptance on S-swirl face. She gives Nassy a slight bow, congratulating her on the win. Firelight, the host, takes her hand, leading S-swirl towards a door Bitte hasn’t seen before. He wishes he still hasn’t.
"It's okay. We'll all be waiting for you when you get back, okay?" Firelight says to S-swirl, keeping her voice steady. Bitte focuses on his breathing again. When did it get so hard to breathe? He lets off his arms, not even realizing that he was doing that. There were bruises where his fingers once were.
“Of course you are, yall wouldn’t abandon me!” S-swirl chirped. “…Right…?” Her voice wavered. Bitte feels guilty. He doesn’t know why. He knows it’s not his fault. It was a coin flip. It landed on heads. He voted Nassy, although he would never tell her that. If she found out, then he would apologize. Right now, he wants to avoid it.
“…” Silence.
“Right?” S-swirl asked again, desperation slipping into her voice.
“Of course. We would never.” Firelight said at last. Bitte has a feeling it wasn’t true. He also knew that no one here really had a choice in the matter. The contestants didn’t at least.
As the door closes, a dull ringing floods his ears, killing anything that would have been said prior. Something bad happened. Something, something, something. It’s always something. Why can’t it be known. Why can’t he know? His lungs burn with how heavy he’s breathing. His chest hurts, it feels like he can’t breathe.
He barely hears the name ‘Sawyer’ as he takes a shaky step back. He covers his mouth, keeping any gasps for air or whines muffled. He only realizes he’s moving as he bumps into someone. ‘Vampy..?’ He thinks for a second before he goes back spiraling. He shoves past the other contestants, barely saying apologies as he does.
He bolts out of the main room, heading directly towards his own. He grabs onto the door handle, nearly burning it off. The door slammed shut as he moved to the middle of the room. He left it empty on purpose. He wants to go into the nest, something more than the damn floor to stabilize himself. But he can’t. He’ll burn through it.
He brings his limbs close together in a ball on the ground. He finds it so hard to focus. He barely smells the burning wood beneath him. But that's all it took. He bumped into Vampy. He shoved others out of his way. That doesn't matter. He burned them. He hurt them.
“Fuck, shit- why-“ He chokes out. He couldn’t save S-swirl, he hurt the other contestants, stars, why must he be so useless. He lets out a gasp of pain as he lets go of his arms. He feels a short lived burning sensation rundown his arms. His fingertips are covered slightly with apple filling.
“And now I’m breaking promises too? Stars, I am pathetic.” His voice was wobbly as he spoke. He wonders if any of the hosts have pain killers. Or a sedative. Both would be fine.
Behind his muffled cries, he doesn’t notice someone stopping at his door. He doesn’t hear the sound of a pen scratching on paper nor the sigh of amusement. He doesn’t hear them as they leave.
He does, however, hear soft crying in the room next to him.