Work Text:
Whenever Bond was out on a mission, Q would be at his monitors, helping. As Bond’s Quartermaster it was imperative that he was on hand whenever Bond may need him. Most of the time 007 worked quickly, brutally and destructively; and Q got a rush trying to stay one step ahead, attempting to predict the agent’s needs and in doing so save his life.
During these missions adrenaline would be pumping through both of their veins as they danced, somehow always perfectly in step, towards the target. One physically, the other electronically, if they were dangerous separately then together they were unstoppable. M knew it, Bond knew it, the whole of bloody MI6 knew it, and Q knew it.
Which is why when the missions turned into waiting games or stakeouts and neither of them had slept in days, Q would politely but firmly refuse any of the technicians that offered to take over for a few hours. If 007 wasn’t able to sleep because it was too dangerous or because he needed to watch a target, then his Quartermaster was damn well not about to abandon him!
Okay so maybe it wouldn’t be complete desertion, the technicians were competent enough and he could have used the sleep. But something was bound to happen eventually, it was only a matter of time, and where Bond was involved the only person who could be trusted to keep him alive was Q. He couldn’t afford to be away from his position when the shit, acting as shit invariably does, hit the fan.
So when the rest of MI6 had long since gone home, Q was stood in front of his monitors drinking yet another cup of tea from his ‘Q’ scrabble mug and listening to 007’s deepening breathing which was playing through the speakers.
“007, I do hope you’re not falling asleep”
He heard a short huff of breath and then a vague grumble. It had been 40 odd hours now since either of them had slept, it wasn’t surprising Bond was nodding off.
“007 I’m warning you, I modified your earpiece so that in the event of you falling asleep on the job I could administer an electric shock. Not a big one mind, I wasn’t sure how much voltage an old man like you could take, but it’ll be enough to wake you up.”
Q could picture the look on Bond’s face as his tired brain processed the threat and insult. He heard a splutter and could sense the agent desperately trying to gather some form of response.
“I will smash every single one of your bloody computers if you-”
“How?” Q interrupted, “How are you planning to get into MI6 to smash them if I’ve revoked all of your security clearance. Really that plan was doomed from the moment you opened your mouth to threaten me with it”
Satisfied he’d snarked 007 into a more conscious state Q took a sip of tea and leaned back against his desk, waiting for the onslaught of insults. They didn’t come, instead there was a low chuckle.
“Okay so I’m wide awake, good work Q”
“Yes, but for how long? You should really start taking a book with you on these missions, I’ve got viruses to write and governments to hack! I don’t have time to keep you entertained.”
This wasn’t strictly true, Q had finished all the programming and hacking hours ago, but he felt he should remind Bond that he wasn’t there to babysit him.
There was a brief silence,
“Q”
“Yes 007”
“Do I seem like the reading type to you?”
“It’s really not so much if you’re the reading type, as it is the book being your type. There’s so many books out there that if you don’t enjoy reading you probably just haven’t been reading the right books. Really the only people who aren’t the reading type are illiterate buffoons with no brain and too much brawn... oh perhaps you aren’t the reading type after all!”
“Q” Bond growled, dragging out the single letter for several seconds, “Don’t you have some computers to be playing with instead of annoying me?”
“Mm, yes, probably” he replied, looking over his monitors, “Actually no. I can’t do anything more until you make your move. Their security system is advanced. I can get you inside easily enough, but there’s a number of alerts it sends out and I won’t have time to stop them all. I’m waiting on you. So no, I’ve got nothing better to do than annoy you”
Bond groaned inwardly, he knew Q was the best of the best, and he knew that without the Quartermaster he’d be dead 50 times over, but sometimes he wanted to throttle the cocky genius.
Neither of them spoke for a few minutes
“I Spy with my little eye something beginning with... H”
The sleep deprivation was beginning to take its toll.
“Q...”
“No, H. Go on, guess; and don’t try to tell me you’ve got something better to be doing because I know full well you haven’t!”
A long sigh came from the speakers, echoing through Q’s office.
“Fine” Bond agreed, through gritted teeth.
Q grinned, “Brilliant! Now, beginning with H, go on”
“Hitman?”
“No 007, it’s something I spy, not you.”
“But I’m not in your office!”
“Not right now, but you’ve been in here many times. I thought maybe with all your spy training you’d have paid enough attention to your surroundings to at least be able to hazard a guess!”
“So something beginning with H, in your office?”
“Yes. I can see we’re finally getting somewhere!”
“Hair?”
“I can’t see my own hair Bond”
“Yes you can, it flops right over your eyes. Maybe not so bad in the morning, but as the day goes by it droops more and more, i’m figuring by this point you’re having to brush it out of your face every two minutes tops”
“Okay fine I can, but that’s not it; and I must say I had no idea you payed so much attention to my hair, should I be flattered?”
Bond grunted,
“It’s hard not to notice it Q, it sits on top of your head like it’s chocolate icing. You look like a bloody fairy cake”
“I’m just going to go ahead and be flattered, why don’t you go ahead and guess ‘H’”
“A hairbrush? Or am I just being hopeful...”
“Insulting my personal grooming isn’t hiding the fact you have no clue what’s in my office!”
“I don’t care what’s in your office, I don’t even like your office!”
“For someone who doesn’t like it you sure do spend a lot of time in it. Stop trying to cover up for your frankly lousy observational skills!”
Q had been half monitoring the CCTV footage from the building Bond was watching, he flicked his eyes back over to the screen and saw two men standing outside who hadn’t been there before. He stood up straight and pushed his glasses further up his nose. Maybe Bond had been right with ‘hitman’ after all.
“007, can you confirm two males outside the north entrance?”
Q’s voice had changed from the snarky tone he used when teasing Bond, to coldly professional with an undercurrent of urgency. The agent picked up on this immediately, quickly locating the two men.
“Confirmed Q, finally some action! Think you can keep up?”
“Please 007” Q replied, and Bond could hear the faint clacking of keys in his earpiece, “I’m now 5 steps ahead of you, think you can catch up?”
And with that the adrenaline started flowing, things got blown up and neither of them had any trouble staying awake for the next few hours.