Chapter Text
“Alright, let’s go over this again,” you mutter, pulling the lollipop out of your mouth with a soft pop. You pause for a second, trying to figure out what the hell it even tasted like. The label hadn’t been much help - all it said was “Nostalgia in a Stick”, which, first of all, is not a flavor. Second of all, you'd tried it anyway, and now you were committed to finishing it because you'd already touched it with your mouth and that was that.
…Strawberry? Yeah, definitely strawberry.
Nostalgia, for the record, tastes nothing like strawberry.
Oh, right, you’re not alone. You lift your gaze to the man sitting across from you, stuffed uncomfortably into a suit that’s clearly fighting for its life. How old is he? Well, judging by the wrinkles, the extra weight, the excessive sweating (and you are genuinely grateful for the lollipop, because without it you'd be breathing that in directly), and the unfortunate bald spots - he’s deep into his midlife crisis.
Poor guy. Probably cries in his car before work.
You twirl the lollipop between your fingers, watching his beady eyes follow the motion like a particularly anxious goldfish. “You want me to retrieve the ‘Crystal of Balance’ for you, which you believe is currently inside Kuroda-dera. In Kyoto. And your source for this information is-"
“Me” he says in a squeaky voice, then clears his throat and tries again. “Yeah. My source? Me. I saw the crystal with my own eyes.”
You pause mid-spin of your lollipop. “With your own eyes.”
He leans forward, and the chair under him lets out a very wheezy, deathbed creak. “Couple years back, I was in Kyoto, visiting Kuroda-dera. I wandered into a restricted area purely by accident, of course.”
Yeah. Sure. Totally accidental.
“And there it was. The Crystal of Balance. Shining with power. Unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I wanted it. I wanted to look at it every day. So, while no one was around, I tried to take it myself.”
Jesus. What a weirdo.
“But the monks ... they chased me out!”
You blink. “…The monks?”
“Yes! With brooms!” He shudders like he’s reliving deep trauma. “One of them had a sandal in his hand. He looked ready to use it.”
You stare. “You mean to tell me… you were beaten out of a temple by a squad of elderly monks wielding cleaning supplies? ”
“ Ferocious elderly monks” he corrects grimly. “You weren’t there. You don’t know what I saw.”
You were not there, and you will spend the rest of your life regretting it. You rest your elbow on the desk and tilt your head. “Again. You, a fully grown man, tried to commit grand theft relic-”
“Borrow”
Oh, you’d deck him for free.
“ Steal ,” you continue, “You really thought this artifact wouldn’t be guarded even without the monks?”
You'd been in this business long enough to have seen every variety of person who decided they needed an artifact badly enough to pay someone else to steal it. Never, in your entire career, had any of them looked this pathetic. This was Taro's fault, obviously. He'd withheld the client description on purpose, knowing damn well that if he’d mentioned desperate middle-aged man traumatized by monks, you wouldn't have put your shoes on. The only reason you were sitting in this chair, breathing this air, eating this lollipop, was because the number of zeroes on the offer had temporarily overwhelmed your better judgment.
So here you are.
You wait, hoping for even a flicker of understanding on that sweaty face, then sigh. “You’re not the first person who’s tried to snatch an artifact like this, and you sure as hell won’t be the last. But let me make one thing crystal clear-” You pause. “Pun fully intended.”
The man blinks.
You take that as permission to continue. “The Crystal of Balance isn’t just some fancy glowing rock you can pluck off a shelf and toss on your mantelpiece next to your whiskey collection.” you tap the lollipop against the desk for emphasis. “It’s ancient. It’s powerful. And it’s one of the few artifacts directly linked to the Seal of Heaven and Earth. ”
His forehead creases. “The… what now?”
Rich people. So much money, so little awareness of the literal forces holding the universe together.
“ The Seal of Heaven and Earth is the only thing keeping two opposing forces of cursed energy from ripping the world in half.” You gesture vaguely, like this should be common knowledge. “Think of it like… the magical equivalent of duct tape. But instead of keeping your broken chair together, it’s holding back a catastrophic energy surge that would turn half of Japan into a crater.”
“And… the crystal is part of that?”
“Bingo.” You twirl the lollipop between your fingers again. “It acts as a stabilizer. It keeps the balance from tipping too far in either direction. It also, incidentally, is why you didn't die on contact when you touched it."
Here it goes. Your favorite part of negotiation.
“Die…excuse me?”
“Oh yeah. Most artifacts aren't that forgiving. But removing it from its resting place is like pulling a load-bearing wall out of a house because you thought it looked nicer somewhere else. That’s like yanking a key piece out of a Jenga tower.” You grin. “Now imagine the Jenga tower is the universal energy field keeping existence from descending into chaos.” You pop the lollipop back into your mouth and flash him a lazy smile seeing his shocked face. “Still want it on your mantelpiece?"
You stare at each other in silence for a couple of minutes.
“I’ll pay you extra to make sure that doesn’t happen.”
Victory. You could have stalled, pretending to think it over just to double the stakes - but being the merciful person you are, you just shook his sweaty-ass hand, and resist the urge to wipe your palm on your jacket, instead focusing on the important part: the crystal.
The moment you step outside, you suck in a deep breath of fresh air like a prisoner tasting freedom for the first time in years. Sayonara, stale office air. Sayonara, scent of regret, sweat and overpriced cologne. You tug your phone out of your pocket, already feeling your sanity return - until you see two missed calls . One from Taro . One from Kazuki.
Taro [2 Missed Calls]
[1 New Message]: plz tell me u didnt punch the client in the face. again.
His message made you roll your eyes. The audacity. Like you don’t have self-control.
You: Didn’t touch him. wanted to. Did not. U should be proud of me.
Your phone immediately buzzes with an incoming text.
Taro: so?? u taking the job??
You: Yeah.
Taro: oh thank GOD. thought u were gonna bail when u saw his face
You: I almost did. But then he offered a stupid amount of money and i suddenly found my professionalism
Taro: proud of u :’)
You barely have time to shove your phone back into your pocket before it starts buzzing again. Kazuki. You sigh, mentally shifting gears - from professional artifact thief to loving, totally normal fiancée who absolutely does not break into sacred temples for a living, doesn’t have a Special Grade rank, knows absolutely nothing about the jujutsu world and definitely isn’t a walking national security threat.
Nope. Not at all.
You answer, smoothing out your tone. “Hey, babe.”
“Hey. Just finished work. Are you still at the office?”
You glance up at the dingy alleyway outside the client’s building , where a stray cat is currently ripping apart an old sandwich wrapper.
“Uh-huh” you lie smoothly. You crouch down and scratch the cat behind the ear. The cat glares at you like he’s considering biting. “Busy day. Just got out of a meeting.”
“ With who?”
A) Tell him the truth : “Oh, you know, just some rich idiot who tried to steal a magical doomsday rock and got his ass handed to him by monks”
Or.
B) Continue the carefully crafted illusion that you have a totally boring and respectable job in sales ?
You go with B.
“A client” you say vaguely. “A perfume company.”
Kazuki hums. “Huh. You don’t usually deal with cosmetics.”
“Well, you know, sales.” You wave a hand, despite the fact that he can’t see you. “Always something new. Gotta be flexible.”
“That’s true. Oh, by the way, don’t forget about the dinner with my parents tomorrow night.”
Dinner. With his parents, who have looked at you every single time with the polite concern of two people who can't identify the specific problem but are certain there is one. Maybe you are.
“Looking forward to it.”
“You sure?” you heard him chuckle. “You don’t sound excited.”
“What? No! I’m thrilled. ” You slap on your most enthusiastic tone. “Can’t wait to discuss real estate markets with your dad again.”
“Alright, alright, I get it. I’ll save you if he starts another speech about investment portfolios.”
Ah, Kazuki. Pure, kind soul. Too good for this world. Completely undeserved.
“You’re a good man, Kazuki.”
“And you’re a terrible liar,” he teased.
“Hey, I happen to be an excellent salesperson. Lying is half the job.”
“That’s… fair,” he admits. “Alright, I’ll let you go. Love ya.”
“Yeah, me too.”
You hang up and stand there for a second. The cat has moved on. The sandwich wrapper lies destroyed on the pavement.
You scroll back to Taro’s texts.
You: book me a train ticket
Taro: u got it. economy or luxury?
You: i just agreed to a job that might kill me.
Taro. say less. luxury it is.
After a quick shower in your ridiculously oversized bathroom ( because if you’re gonna risk your life regularly, you at least deserve good water pressure ), you were out the door and on a train to Kyoto. Fast forward four hours, and you were one with the tourists —camera in hand, blending into the crowd like a seasoned pro.
Click.
A perfectly staged shot of a temple gate.
Click.
A slightly off-center photo of some old man feeding pigeons.
Click.
A dramatic zoom-in of a random rock - because that’s what tourists do, right? Take artistic pictures of meaningless objects?
You lower the camera, scanning the area. Busy but not too packed. Decent number of monks. Good sightlines. Easy exit points. All in all? A solid setup for a heist. A pair of tourists next to you are deep in conversation about the spiritual energy of the site - which, sure, they’re not entirely wrong about, but if they knew what actually radiated from this place, they’d be on the next bullet train out.
Click.
An artsy, unnecessarily dramatic shot of a wooden pillar. Totally not because there’s a security rune carved into it.
Click.
A goofy selfie with your tongue out, casually throwing an arm around a very old, very surprised monk. Why not?
The challenge was never getting in. Kuroda-dera wasn't a bank vault. It was a temple, and temples had gaps, and gaps were your specialty.
The challenge was getting in without triggering a three-hundred-year-old cursed security system designed by someone who really, genuinely hated thieves.
Your options:
1) Stealth Route: Classic. Quiet. Professional. Slip in after dark, dodge the monks, disable the seals, grab the crystal, ghost out. Minimal chaos. Minimal fun.
2) Speed Run: Get in fast, get out faster. Higher risk, but more efficient. Less time for complications, more chance of needing to sprint for your life.
3) The Distraction Play: Cause a minor disturbance elsewhere, redirect attention, and waltz in while everyone’s busy.
Downside: Requires effort.
Upside: Always entertaining.
4) The Absolute Bullshit Plan: Do something completely unhinged, make it everyone else’s problem, and somehow walk away victorious through sheer audacity.
Downside: Not technically a plan.
Upside: This is usually what ends up happening anyway. Works every time.
You sigh, rolling your shoulders. It’s not like breaking into Kuroda-dera is the problem. It’s breaking in without triggering some ancient death trap or making local news.
Yet.
Maybe you should stick to stealth - get in, get out, no theatrics.
…Or maybe you should buy a monk disguise, cause a mystical emergency , and dramatically declare yourself the chosen one.
Nah, stick to traditional one.
Alrighty, we’re done here. Time to head back to the hotel, work out the details on securing the crystal, and head out at night.
You let out a long sigh, puffing out your cheeks. This mask you picked up recently is way too damn hot. But hey, at least it’s cute - framed by a sly little fox grin.
The security cameras? Deactivated. ( shoutout to Taro, hacker extraordinaire and pain in your ass. )
The intricate layers of protective magic woven around the artifact? Disarmed. ( you’d pat yourself on the back if you weren’t currently wearing gloves. )
Now, there was just one thing left. You. The Crystal that rests atop an altar, waiting for you like a well-earned prize.. A simple grab-and-go.
Too easy.
You reach out, fingers just grazing the edge of the artifact.
Shff.
A rustling sound behind you (plastic? paper? what the hell? ) made you whip around, flashlight beam cutting through the darkness, locking onto the source of the sound. The light landed on a tall, white-haired man dressed in a uniform that was way too familiar just like the man himself. Thick black fabric wrapped around his eyes, obscuring them completely. The casual slouch, like he has nowhere better to be despite clearly being somewhere he shouldn’t.
Oh, you know that uniform.
And you definitely know the man wearing it. Of all the people in the world to crash your heist, it had to be him.
Satoru Gojo.
Your flashlight stays trained on him, illuminating his completely out-of-place convenience store bag as he rummages through it. He pulls out a pack of jelly candy, and pops one into his mouth and starts chewing.
Loudly.
You stare and he stares back. Well, you assume he does. Hard to tell with the whole blindfold aesthetic he’s got going on.
Shff.
Another rustle from the plastic bag as he digs around lazily, pulling out another jelly. He pops it into his mouth, chewing with the absolute confidence of a man who has never been punched for being annoying, but really, really should have been at some point.
“…Are you seriously eating right now?”
“Don’t mind me” he shrugs. “Continue. This looks important.”
You blink and glance at the crystal. Then back at him. Then at the very real and very illegal situation unfolding here.
“What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same thing” he says completely unbothered. “But I already know. So it’d be redundant.” then he holds out the bag. “Want one?”
“What? No! ”
“You sure? They’re grape-flavored.”
“Oh, well, in that case -” Wait. NO. “That’s not the point! What the hell are you doing here?!”
He gestures vaguely. “Work.”
“And your job is…?” You’d assume it’s to catch you, but let’s be real - that’s mostly been the job of other sorcerers, the ones you already know way too well. But him ? You haven’t seen him in years .The only bright side being: he doesn’t know who you are yet.
“To get the Crystal of Balance,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world “Gotta take it. Work stuff.”
Okay. Okay. Stay calm.
“ Work stuff” you repeat flatly. “You teach teenagers.”
“Mm. And apparently I also moonlight as a babysitter for ancient doomsday objects.”
You wanted to pinch the bridge of your nose. Nope. Not happening. Not today.
“Let me make sure I understand this correctly. You, an active-duty, high-ranking sorcerer, the ‘strongest,’ or whatever you’re calling yourself these days ,are currently trying to steal the Crystal of Balance?”
“Not steal” he corrects, waving a half-eaten jelly at you. “Just relocate.”
“Relocate” you repeated after him.
“Mhm. With this.” You follow the lazy arc of his hand as he reaches into the plastic bag again, this time pulling out a crystal that looks exactly like the real one. “ Replica. Handmade. If you squint, probably passes for the real thing.”
“Why” you ask slowly, “is the strongest sorcerer alive doing midnight arts and crafts instead of just asking the monks for it?”
“I did ask.”
“And?”
“And, well-” he gestured around. “In response, I got a lot of yelling, a shit ton of cursing, a few monks tried to jump me with brooms, and one of them was literally coming at me with a sandal. They told me I’m the second person they’ve had to use that kind of force on.” You see him pause, thinking for a moment. “Crazy, right? Wonder who the first one was.”
He was just as much of an asshole as you, you thought.
“ Anyways” he sighed, stretching before crumpling up the now-empty candy wrapper. “Here we are. You've wasted about four minutes of my time. I'd like those back."
You laughed. He’s serious about this, isn’t he? “Yeah, not happening.”
The man raises an eyebrow, finally shifting his weight off the wall. “Oh? And why not?”
“Because I am taking the crystal.”
He tilts his head, clearly amused. “Ohhh, you’re taking it?”
“That’s right.”
Gojo Satoru lets out a low whistle, tilting his head. “Well, damn. Guess we have a problem, then.”
“No,” you counter. “We don’t have a problem. You have a problem. Because I was here first.”
“Technically, I was here before you got here,” he muses. “So, if we’re going by kindergarten rules finders keepers.”
“That’s not how this works.”
“Works fine for me.”
You called him by his full name, and he called you by your thief alias.
Your eye twitches beneath the mask. “I swear to god , if you don’t…wait. How do you know my-?”
“You just told me,” he says, grinning. “By not denying it. Very smooth, by the way.”
It wasn’t hard to figure out. No one really knew what you looked like - Taro always handled the clients first before passing them off to you - but everyone knew your alias on the black market. Everyone, including Satoru Gojo.
“Just take something else" you said. "There are twelve other artifacts in this building."
"I want this one."
"So do I." you let out a long, suffering sigh. “Okay. Fine. I see what’s happening here. You wanna do this the hard way?”
Gojo grins, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Oh, absolutely. The hard way’s way more fun.”
Alright, seriously, why the hell are you even trying to negotiate with him? You’re standing right there , next to the crystal. Just reach out and take it. Reach. Grab. Run.
And the moment you try to move, you see him heading straight for you. Shit. This might be it - something that hasn’t happened to you in years. Does he really not feel it too, like last time?
“Stop!!!”
You realize belatedly that you just shouted at the strongest sorcerer alive like he was an excited golden retriever. The man blinks.
“ Uh,” he starts, eyebrows raising beneath his blindfold. “Wasn’t expecting that reaction.”
“You..just…stay right there! ”
"I need the crystal, though." he says making one step again.
You can’t explain it. Not without getting into the whole if you come any closer something catastrophic might happen situation, which then becomes the much worse conversation, which then becomes the absolute fucking nightmare conversation, which then becomes him realizing exactly who you are.
And frankly, you don’t have the time, the patience, or the mental stability to unpack that right now. So you say the first thing that comes to mind.
“I have a knife.” you really do, actually.
His grin stretched wider. “Ohhh. Is that supposed to scare me?”
“…yes?” you really hope.
“That’s adorable” he laughed. Just then takes a tiny, exaggerated step forward. “What happens if I take one more step? ”
“ I throw the knife at your stupid, blindfolded face. ” you really can.
Satoru Gojo, being the absolute menace that he is, takes another step forward, like he’s just begging you to follow through on your threat. And you do. With zero hesitation , you flick your wrist and send the knife hurtling toward his stupid, smug, jelly-eating face. He catches it with two fingers like it’s nothing and clicks his tongue, spinning the blade between his fingers. “Do you throw knives at every man you meet or have I done enough to earn this?”
You don’t answer. There are some things that do not deserve a reply. Instead, you try to drop-kick him. Which, okay, maybe not your best idea , but it’s been a long day and he’s really starting to annoy you. Unfortunately, he slips out like it’s a casual inconvenience , taking another lazy step forward.
And then you feel it more. Your cursed energy weakening, like someone just yanked the power cord out of you. And you know - if you try to use it against him now, it’ll probably backfire, fucking both of you up in the process. Same goes for him. At the same time, you see the white-haired man’s shoulders tense as his whole body going unnaturally still.
His hand twitches and fingers slip straight through the knife’s handle. The weapon clatters to the ground. And that’s when you see it- the exact moment realization dawns on his face. His infinity? Gone. Just like last time. For a single, terrible second, you make eye contact. And then… he attacks.
Okay, so, rule number 1 of fighting Gojo Satoru: don’t.
Rule number two: seriously, don’t.
Rule number three: If you ignore Rules 1 and 2, at least don’t let him touch you.
You dodge - ducking under his first strike, spinning out of range before he can reach you. The problem? He’s fast. The bigger problem? You can’t let him grab or touch you.
“Oooh, you’re quick,” he muses, shifting into a more serious stance.
Yeah, no shit. You have years of experience avoiding people trying to kill you.
You twist out of the way as he goes for your arm , just barely escaping his grip. Then he fakes a right hook, forcing you to block. Your arms cross to guard which means you’re not watching his foot.
You twist mid-air on the way down and it doesn't help at all, because you crash and he crashes with you and the impact rattles the entire goddamn temple floor. A strange, rippling distortion in the air around you. And just then shockwave of cursed energy EXPLODES outward , sending dust and loose debris flying. Somewhere in the distance, a temple bell topples over. The ground beneath you cracks.
You register all of this from on top of him, by the way. Knife in one hand at his throat. Other hand fisted his shirt. His palms are flat against the ground because he couldn't catch himself. He'd reached for Infinity on the way down and found nothing there. You watch him test it now. Because he couldn’t. He lifts a hand, testing, reaching for his Infinity . Oh, there it is. Figuring it out now.
This is bad.
Voices and footsteps of monks echoed in the distance.
“Ah, shit” you said in unison.
You did just blow up part of a temple, so.
The man doesn't look particularly alarmed about it. “You know, if you wanted to be on top, you could’ve just asked.”
You don’t even hesitate. You slap a hand over his mouth. “Shut up!” you hiss, glancing over your shoulder as the monks’ voices grow louder.
He licks your palm. You recoil in horror, aggressively wiping your hand on your pants as you scramble off him. Jesus, what an idiot. You don’t want to even comment that. You resist the urge to strangle him on the spot. Not because you’re merciful, but because you need him alive to get the hell out of here before the monks arrive and beat both of you to death with their sacred broomsticks.
The white haired man, for his part, is completely unbothered , still flat on his back like this is the most comfortable place in the world. He stretches lazily, flexing his fingers like he’s testing his muscles. “Huh. Weird.”
“You mean besides the fact that we just set off a mystical bomb and probably pissed off every monk in a five-mile radius?” you snap, ears straining to track the approaching footsteps.
“No, no,” he waves a hand, looking vaguely entertained. “I mean the whole ‘you instantly cancel out my Infinity thing.’ That’s new. Well, not new-new , but y’know. New again .”
You do not have time for this.
“You’re stronger than last time,” he muses, finally sitting up. His blindfold shifts slightly as he tilts his head, like he’s studying you. “I wonder if-”
“Nope. Not the time, not the place.”
“I mean, I could just ask you later-”
“No, you could not. ”
“Aw, but what if I wanna get to know you better?”
You glare. “What if I wanna bash your skull in with a holy artifact?”
“That’s a little violent.”
“Yeah? Well, I’m feeling a little murderous .”
The monks’ voices get closer. Shit. Okay. Focus.
Gojo stands up, dusting off his uniform. “So, what’s the plan? We fight them? I take left, you take right?”
You give him a look. “We are not fighting an entire temple full of holy men.”
“But it’d be fun.”
“I really can’t stand you.”
“You say that, but you also just straddled me, so I’m getting mixed signals here.”
You ignore him. You don’t have time for this - don’t have time for him. By now, you should’ve already been back at your hotel, the damn crystal in hand, waiting for tomorrow. Hand it off to poor bastard, get rest of the payment, and start figuring out what the hell to spend the money on.
You grit your teeth. “Give me the fake one.”
Without waiting for his answer you snatch the fake crystal from his fingers and shove it onto the altar, adjusting it just enough to match the original’s position. Good enough. If they don’t touch it, don’t move it, and don’t have any particularly suspicious monks with x-ray vision , you should be golden. With any luck, the monks won’t check too closely before you’re both long gone. You finish adjusting the fake crystal just as the sound of monks storming toward the altar grows louder.
“I give that a six out of ten,” he muses, tilting his head toward your handiwork.
“You wanna die?” you mutter, stepping back.
“Just saying, you could’ve at least smudged the dust pattern a little more. Some monk’s gonna look at it and immediately know someone touched it.”
“Then maybe,” you hiss, “if a certain idiot hadn’t triggered an energy explosion , we wouldn’t have to rush this.”
He gasps. “Oh, I triggered it?”
“You tackled me!”
“You drop-kicked me first!”
And okay, fair point , but you are not about to let him win this argument. Wait, you actually don’t have time for that.
A loud clang echoes from the other end of the hall and some poor monk just tripped over his own robes in a panicked sprint. Others are shouting now, voices overlapping in confusion.
Now, the real question is: how the hell do you get out of here without running into the monks with broomsticks… and especially that one monk with the damn sandal?
You look at the man in uniform and can already tell he’s probably got some kind of escape plan. But since you don’t trust him at all and sure as hell aren’t about to just go along with whatever bullshit he’s about to say - you raise your hand. “Whatever you’re about to say-“
“Teleportation.”
“Absolutely not. We don’t even know if that shit will work, or, given the circumstances, if it’ll just crush us into a paste the second we try.”
He shrugged. “We can try.”
You open your mouth to argue, but before you can even get a word out Gojo raises his hand and rips off your mask. Your new mask. Your favorite mask. The one with the grinning fox.
He let out a chuckle. “Knew it.”
Alright, that’s enough. You’re about to deck him right in the face, but he catches your fist mid-swing. Another surge of cursed energy crackles between you, and yep, there it is, you hear what’s probably the same monk slipping on his robe and eating shit again.
You blink. There’s nothing in front of you. Just emptiness. For a second.
And a second after you land face-first into the dirt. A muffled oof sounds somewhere to your left. For a moment, you just lie there. Motionless. Processing. Then you push yourself up, spitting out dirt and grass. Your head snaps toward Gojo, who is lying on his back, blinking up at the sky.
“…What,” you say slowly, “the fuck just happened?”
Gojo props himself up on his elbows, looking around. "We teleported."
"I know we teleported."
"Cool, right?"
No. You teleported with him. Because of him. Because your combined cursed energy decided to fuck reality itself for the second time tonight.
You inhale deeply, exhaling through your nose. “Where,” you say, as calmly as possible, “did we just end up?”
Gojo sits up fully, tilting his head as he surveys the surroundings.
"Forest." he offers.
"Incredible. Thank you. I see the trees."
"Could be a park."
"It's not a park."
"Could be-"
“Baaaa.”
You freeze.
The man turns his head.
“…Was that-”
“ Baaa. ”
A goat waddles into view.
A single. Fucking. Goat.
The three of you hold eye contact.
You exhale. “…Are we in the middle of nowhere?”
He scratches the back of his head. “Looks like it.”
“We got yeeted into the unknown.”
He beams. “ Exactly! ”
You looked at him. Then at the goat, who is still watching. Then at the absolutely empty stretch of wilderness surrounding you. Then back at him. Slowly, carefully, you rise to your feet, dusting off your clothes. The goat bleats again. Somewhere in the distance, an owl hoots. You close your eyes.
Breathe.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Count to ten.
Then you swing your leg out, aiming a very well-earned kick at Gojo Satoru’s shin.