Chapter Text
Prologue
"Griffith, stop! It's enough!"
I stopped spell casting immediately at the voice that was rattling and so full of pain. Damn, that the affliction hex and the life drain would have such a grave impact on Jowan, shocked me. Out of nowhere it felt as if something was piecing through my stomach. But all I could do was look at him. He panted, trying to support himself with his hands on his knees and fell down onto the dirty and dusty stone floor with a loud thud. He didn't stand up, he was lying there on the floor motionless. I was ignoring my own pain; instead, I immediately cast a healing spell on him and kneeled down, raising his torso.
"Can you hear me?" My heart was pounding and my ears ringing. I was feeling faint. Where did this feeling come from? I mustn't pass out myself, not when I wasn't sure that Jowan was alright. I pulled myself together and slapped his cheeks a few times before he opened his eyes eventually and clutched at my robes. A gasp escaped my throat when I felt my skin burning. My eyes wandered from Jowan's face towards his clinging hand that had left a stain of blood on the cloth. No, this wasn't his blood, it was mine, soaking through my robes. But he hadn't even touched me during the fight! So how- ?
"Jowan…" My voice started to tremble. "Blood Magic is a double-edged sword. You should have told me. It's no wonder that a thing like this happened to you. This could have killed you! I could have killed you! And you could possibly have killed me, too!"
"Sorry, luv." he huffed, smiling a wretched smile at me. I let out a sigh and sucked in a deep breath. His use of Blood Magic worried me, especially the notion that he had used it on me although I did realize that Jowan would have most likely died if he hadn't taken some of my health. Nonetheless, I could neither deny nor hide that I was clearly wrought-up.
"You are sorry? Sorry?!" I snarled. "How can you be so careless, huh? You know that I know how to get lyrium for our training sessions… I am stealing it, in case you haven't figured it out yet. There is no need to use your life energy in order to refill your mana. What we are doing here even without all that Blood Magic stuff is already forbidden, so don't bring us in more danger than we are already in! We are suspicious enough with disappearing from time to time and increasing our knowledge of certain types of magic further even though we are only apprentices!"
"I bloody damn know! That's why! We haven't been harrowed yet, so this means that they are planning something… You know what I mean!" he yelled.
That was true. I suspected that they had thought about making us Tranquils for a long time now. For almost a whole decade I myself had lived with the horror from becoming such a creature without emotions and magical powers that was resistant to the influence of demons in turn. I had early come to that conclusion since I had always wondered why Jowan and I hadn't been harrowed yet. We were still not full mages of the Circle. I was already in my early thirties, mind you! Jowan was only a few years younger than me himself. We both were the oldest apprentices in the tower. We had been inseparable since the day we had first met in here when we had only been little children, recently seized from our homes.
I believed that the reason for all this waiting and insecurity about what to do with us. It had been the result our love for magic that affected the bodily functions and minds of others and thus posed a greater threat than others even thought. They could only guess what hostile spells we were capable of, regarding the schools of Spirit and Entropy Magic. They only knew of a few, lesser ones. I personally had never been much into Primal Magic that was the kind of magic that was most prevalent and accepted in my opinion. I in contrary preferred altering other beings – for the good as much as for the bad: drain and restoration, strengthening and weakening. Therefore I hardly put an effort in controlling elements. I found it less of a challenge or let's say: less interesting. I was the master of only very few elemental spells, some that were made of stone to be more precise. Unfortunate for Jowan and me, the drain, weakening and cutting down mobility sort of magic that we loved so much was a delicate matter since it was often confused with Blood Magic and even more so because especially Spirit and Entropy Magic were more subtle and far more difficult to notice than Primal Magic regarding the source of the caster – elements were distinctly more visible. So, the more you were into that sort of magic, which Jowan and I had been into from a rather young age, the more suspicious you became here. The fact that Jowan was truly using Blood Magic, didn't help either. We had become more cautious the longer our apprenticeship had lasted, so we just pretended that studying in the library was our main occupation by this time. I always practised unnoticed with Jowan. I hurt him with my spells and I let him hurt me with his. Our spells needed practice on living human beings. This was a high price to pay in regard of our health, in spite of the fact that we could heal each other, but what should we have done otherwise? We both wanted to become better even though that meant acting against the rules. They didn't let us out of this large tower, didn't let us learn all we wanted in this 'home' that had been forced upon us.
The templars had always been watching us mages in general like hungry hawks waiting for the right moment to swoop down on us. The good thing was that the templars weren't lurking behind every corner, just behind every second or third; thus, our practicing stayed a secret. In case that it was needed, we knew how to use our magic to keep them away from the entrance to this large room that was behind a secret passage in the basement, not far from that first door into the Repository where nobody came through except for those who were well-informed. When we had first entered this room that we had stumbled upon by accident, we had crashed against the wall in wanton need and fell into the wall that had been opening behind Jowan's back. Of course we were curious about what was to discover. It was a welcome change that was rare here. We had found some skeletons in cells; we were in an old prison that had been long since forgotten. The sounds were magically deflected from down here towards the hallway, we had tested it. It was safe here. It was our sanctuary.
"You think as well that they are going to make Tranquils out of us? Or even kill us?" I asked, biting my lips.
"Yes. We need to plan our escape. And for that, I figured we need Blood Magic. We have to try everything. The templars are no easy obstacle." I let out a disapproving grunt but shuddered only a second later as Jowan sent a healing wave through my body when he slid one hand underneath my robes along my leg and over the wound on my abdomen, closing it with the soft touch.
"So, what is your plan then? I am sure you have put plenty of contemplation into it, haven't you. At least I hope so. The measure of Blood Magic isn't to be taken lightly. What do you need it for other than removing obstacles in the way? You know that we could probably do so without."
"I will tell you in time. You've just got to trust me, please." He whispered and pushed me down on my back, placing a passionate kiss on my lips while he was moving between my legs, sliding the robes up to my chest, so that I was fully exposed to him.
I hated how easily I was to shut up when he did this.
I moaned into his mouth. "Jowan, you perfidious shrimp." I gasped, arching towards him. My arms found their way around his back and my legs around his hips.
"You love it." Oh, how he sounded smug and smiled like the little innocent he was not.
The dust was swirling around us, following our every motion until we were done giving ourselves to our longing for each other.
He fondled my short curly mahogany red hair with his hands. "Let's go take a bath and then sleep. For once I know what I am doing, believe in me, Griffith, please." he pleaded, looking at me with puppy eyes.
"I do." I murmured, giving in, but not completely honest and not nearly as sure as I should be about what to make out of Jowan's secrecy.
Chapter 1
"Get up, bender, and come with us! The Harrowing is waiting for you."
I was rudely awakened, someone shaking me. On one hand I was still tired, but on the other hand I could hardly describe how relieved I was when I heard the word 'Harrowing'. So I was eventually summoned to undergo this test. Escape wasn't necessary any more - if we were allowed to leave as full mages. Three months had passed since Jowan had told me that he had a plan. I still didn't know what plan. But… why had they only addressed me? What was about Jowan? Would he… not be harrowed? His arms were around my waist, holding onto me tightly. "Wh-what do they want?" he whispered sleepily into my neck. "I won't let them hurt you…" he continued the same feeble tone, but his crushing grip emphasized the actual meaning of the words and his determination only too well. I turned around smiled at him in my usual assuring and calm demeanour. Even though it might not be now, I was in cheerful spirits that he would be called very soon as well. I wanted to answer his question and I had already opened my mouth, when the templars who had come to fetch me, grabbed me firmly by the arms and dragged me up in such a rough manner that I let out a cough that cut off my words. Jowan let go eventually and much to my dismay because they had kicked him fiercely into the guts for trying to hold me back. "Don't start to cry if your bitch doesn't come back." they chuckled at him mockingly. I bit my lips at this insult that was even worse than 'bender'. It wasn't their business what was going on between Jowan and me.
"Hurry up! We don't have all night! Go and face your trial already!" they howled at me in a tone that couldn't be ruder. I grit my teeth. I didn't want to let them get away with treating Jowan – or me - like this! Nevertheless, we could not afford becoming even more of a target for the templars. I… I just had to swallow this. I put on my bloody robes and followed them. I was glad – and lucky – that my robes were of a darker red and the dried blood was only visible if one really paid close attention to it.
I was brought to the very top of the tower where the First Enchanter and the Knight Commander were waiting for me with a bunch of other templars. Cullen, probably the nicest templar in this tower, was amongst them, looking vividly distressed. Probably it was his first Harrowing to attend to. Judging by his expression, this test was horrendous, in his opinion at least.
Knight Commander Greagoir didn't hesitate to give me a lecture about the necessity of all this: "Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him. Thus spoke the prophet Andraste as she cast down the Tevinter Imperium, ruled by mages who had brought the world to the edge of ruin. Your magic is a gift, but it's also a curse, for demons of the dream realm - the Fade – are drawn to you, and seek to use you as a gateway into this world. Know this, apprentice: if you fail, we templars will perform our duty. You will die." Buzzword. This was a blatant way of intimidating greenhorns.
The answer from Irving with what I had to do wasn't long in coming. "The ritual sends you into the Fade, and there you will face a demon, armed with only your will. Resist and you may return." A wry smile flashed over my features. Just because you could resist to be possessed by a demon once, didn't mean that you could always resist – wanted always to resist - its offers. The Chantry along with the Circle were both naïve and cruel. They put you into a tower and feed to the demons with the expectation to resist but the hope that you fail if you asked the templars in order to get rid of one more dangerous mage so as not to take care of him any longer.
I nodded simply and stepped forward without further questions. I would not fail.
Oh, how I felt strange when I was drawn into the fade through the lyrium that I had touched.
I was conscious in the Fade for the first time. However, I wasn't surprised at all. How could I? I had seen this place many times in my dreams. Well, granted, not quite like… this, but similar at least. I found it foggier than usual; everything was so blurry. This realm felt more unreal than when I had been actually dreaming. Masses of beige rocks, blue lyrium veins, grey statues, strange plants… simply surreal.
Wisps that I had only known from books before were crossing my path, but it was easy to take them out. Honestly, this was the feared Fade? A voice that was sounding quite upset and annoyed, though, suddenly made me flinch: "Someone else thrown to the wolves. As fresh and unprepared as ever. It isn't right that they do this, the templars. Not to you, me, anyone."
I looked down to my feet and saw that a mouse was talking to me. I raised my eyebrows at its remark – not so much the fact that the mouse could speak; this was the Fade. I was only partly unprepared. I didn't know what kind of demon exactly I had to face here but why did this being assume that I didn't know of the dangers?
"I will succeed; I've had enough preparation in all those years I had to wait. I am no goosling any more. But I agree, this isn't right at all. You haven't come back, have you?" I was talking to a mouse… asking it for its story. The critter transformed into a human only seconds after before he answered. Interesting.
"No… But still… You can call me… well, Mouse. Look at me, look at what can happen. The templars kill you if it takes too long, you see. They figure, you failed, and they don't want something getting out. That's what they did to me, I think. I have no body to reclaim. And you don't have much time before you end up the same."
"Really? I'm sorry…" I truly pitied the guy and all the apprentices that were sent to the Harrowing at a very young age even though I found it very late in my case. This notion of what the templars had done to him and other apprentices made me angry. This only confirmed everything I had guessed and it increased my hate of the Chantry. I strongly believed that they didn't let the very young ones go through this test because they thought of them being ready for it. No, by no means, no. I had heard often enough that particularly young apprentices didn't come back every now and then. It might sound vain but I knew that I was one of the mages who could have long since passed the Harrowing with success. I was confident in my abilities.
"Don't waste time with that talk. You don't want to end up like… this. Go, face the demon, and resist, if you can. That's your way out. Or your opponent's, if the templars wouldn't kill you. A test for you, a tease for the creatures or the Fade."
I nodded before I left the poor soul. There was no use in bothering myself further with him. It was indeed too late for him and it was my time that was running out.
"I will come with you if I may." Mouse proposed, shouting after me, and when I turned my head I saw him transformed back into the little critter. Of course I didn't mind. Why should I?
"Sure…" I uttered before I began to ask further questions while we were being on our way. As long as there was nothing that was worthy my attention in sight, there was no harm in talking.
"So, the templars simply killed you?"
"That is what happens to the physical bodies of apprentices who fail. They'd kill every mage if they could. All the templars see in magic is danger. And they don't just use the Harrowing. If you learn a little too much, they'll label you a blood mage and kill you on sight! True mages like you know that the power you hold is a gateway to greater things. A potential they can never hope to contain! It's not right that they control us. The templars and the Chantry and all of it, they're all paranoid. The lot of them. They have no right to treat true mages this way! You could stand up to them! If they gave you the chance. You don't want to lose yourself here. Being nothing would be easier than this."
Why did I get the feeling that this guy knew me a little too well? He said out loud what I had been only thinking so far. I shrugged it off as something that was probably a common thought amongst people who had to live in the Circle of Magi. I really thought it was. Jowan and I could hardly be the only ones who were thinking this.
After some time we passed a benevolent Spirit of Valour, out of whom I could wheedle a staff, and a Sloth Demon, who showed Mouse how to turn into a bear as a reward for answering three of his riddles correctly. He could make himself useful after all. To my great displeasure, I had to force Mouse into accepting the teaching. He was a coward, totally afraid of fighting and prone to hide away from fears – like a mouse. No wonder that he hadn't been able to complete the Harrowing in time. All mouth and no trousers. But all this disgust I felt for the wimp who was so reluctant to actually help even though he had wanted to come along was transformed into melancholy at the metaphor of the map because that map was what I knew of the world: 'I have seas with no water, coasts with no sand, towns without people, mountains without land.' I had nothing but theory, stone walls and gaolers. The memories of my tender years back in Redcliffe had almost completely faded into the darkness. All was left was craving for freedom.
But right now I had to pull myself together.
The demon I came to face turned out to be a Rage Demon. Was this the irony of fate or was this demon the result of those sentiments that had been eating me up at the templars sickening behaviour and intentions? Despite the fact that it was obviously trying to frighten me with its appearance and words about how it would possess me, I didn't even cringe. What rather startled me was the fact that it spoke in such a familiar way with Mouse. He had helped the demon before. Yet, he did fight with me and the demon was easy prey for us, far too easy for my taste. I turned my eyes towards Mouse who changed back into his human form. With a wrinkled brow and a look that demanded explanation, I examined him.
"You did it. You actually did it! When you came, I hoped that maybe you might be able to… but I never really thought any of you were worthy." I noticed that those words had a possible double entendre. Was he implying that I might be able to… provide a nice victim for possession? Well, what else would he say? How would he explain himself?
"The ones you offered the demon before me. Who were they?" I asked with a self-complacent smirk.
"What?" Oh, he was getting nervous. "They were not as promising as you. It was a long time ago. I… I don't remember their names. I don't even remember my own name. It's the Fade, and the templars killing me, like they tried with you."
Caught, my little fiend.
"I see… you still ride about my hate for templars… Do you want to help me defeat them, with my body?" A mad laugh of mine echoed through the atmosphere.
"Begone, demon, or I might need to kill you as well. I am no little whippersnapper like you might be used to."
"What? What are you- Ah, a smart one, I see… Simple killing is a warrior's job. The real dangers of the Fade are preconceptions, careless trust… pride. But you seem to be able to handle yourself quite well in every regard. Congratulation. Until we meet again, promising one."
Thus my trial ended, the pictures before my eyes fading, the sounds becoming unclear.
Sometime a voice was trying to reach me.
"Are you alright? Say something, please…" it begged almost desperately.
"Jowan?" I opened my eyes and turned my head sideways to look into those blue eyes only a few inches away from mine. Jowan was kneeling in front of our bed with his hand on its rim and worry all over his face. So I was in the apprentice dorm.
"I'm glad you're all right. I've heard about apprentices who never come back from the Harrowings. Is it really that dangerous? What was it like?"
A small smile formed on my face. He was curious as ever.
"Dangerous for those with a weak mind. Dangerous for those who are uncertain about their abilities and fear what is to come. Otherwise, there was nothing dangerous about it, really."
Yes, pride spoke of my words. The dangerous pride that the demon had spoken of himself. But without pride, I would accomplish nothing – and be easy prey for greedy demons.
"What exactly did you have to do?" This question didn't exactly take me by surprise.
"You know that I'm not supposed to tell you, don't you? And still, I will. You're my one and only and I don't care for the Circle and the Chantry's stupid way to control mages. I had to enter the Fade and if you aren't able to resist the demon that is waiting for you, the templars will kill you. End of story. It is as simple as that." Even though this wasn't the whole truth, it was enough to know to be prepared. I was confident in Jowan's abilities as well.
"Ah, I see. That… makes sense. And now you get to move to the nice mages' quarters upstairs. I'm stuck here and I don't know when they'll call me for my Harrowing." I let out an annoyed groan at his sulking tone.
"Stop whining. Your Harrowing will be soon as well." I tried to soothe him, maybe a bit harsher than intended. Why all this envy from his side? I was his friend and lover, not his foe!
"I do have to admit that this is strange…" I continued trying to get a hold on myself. "I don't like the fact that it hadn't been your turn as well last night, but this is no damn reason to act like this. It isn't my bloody fault. You still think they intend to make a Tranquil out of you, don't you? You know that I have suspected the same before I was harrowed. Nothing of that has become true, so don't worry too much. Please."
"But it could be different in my case! What if they find anything out and kill me?" he almost screeched, totally upset, yet showing it in a more wailing way whereas I became harsh and heartless when a certain limit was reached.
"I hope that none of this will happen. They haven't found out before. Why now?"
Jowan let out a huff and screwed up his nose.
"Well…" he trailed off. "There is no reason… actually."
His reaction made me suddenly doubt that there really was no reason for the templars to find out and execute him according to their rules. For what had he used Blood Magic already?
Jowan was beating around the bush somehow. He was hiding something from me. I had to see what I could get out of him.
"Actually? What have you done that they could take as a reason to kill you?"
Unfortunately, Jowan did not react on it, but rather cut me short.
"I will tell you, soon… But enough for now… Irving wants to see you. I suppose it has to do something with your passed Harrowing. I will be waiting for you."
I, in response, pursed my lips, sighed and got up, fending off Jowan's embrace and attempted kiss.
"Oh, I forgot," I began hissing "… most of all, the Fade is a dangerous place for secretive hypocrites." He only shot me a bewildered glance and I stomped out of the dorm.
I felt hurt. What else was he hiding from me? A secret lover maybe?
On my way to Irving's study I didn't look at anyone. I was in no mood to talk or to accept congratulations. What did I care what they thought? I was finally a mage and still I felt desolate. Why wasn't I even eager for what Irving had to say? Maybe he would let me go! I was tired of sitting in the library most of the day, sparring with Jowan and drowning in love and pleasure with him. I wanted to use my knowledge and abilities instead of withering like a plant without rain… Without Jowan I wouldn't even have the soil that kept me alive. The last time I had seen a plant in nature, had been before I had been imprisoned here. I finally wanted to grow towards freedom. Nevertheless, the prospect of my possible leave did not shoo my sorrow away. I was becoming mad wasn't I?
"Jowan…" I whispered absently, letting out a loud sigh, and continued my way towards my destination.
When I entered Irving's Study, he was arguing with Greagoir. How could I have expected otherwise? While I was listening, I did all I could to get rid of my grim expression that lingered all over my body, distorting my face and stiffening my limbs.
The men were speaking of Ostagar, an old Tevinter keep, and how many Circle Mages had gone there for war already. How much I knew of history but how less I knew of current events… I certainly had notice of 'some' war going on but nothing more. Maybe I could go there as well? Even though leaving meant leaving Jowan behind. A decision had to be made right now, a decision that would lead the way to my further life. He could follow after his own Harrowing.
There was another man who I didn't know standing between Irving and Greagoir. Regarding the armour he was some kind of warrior. I tilted my head a little bit and Irving introduced us after Greagoir had left in a rather foul mood. This man was a Grey Warden! One of the legendary fighters against the darkspawn Blight! I bowed deeply, feeling honoured to stand before a real Grey Warden.
"You've heard about the war brewing to the south, I expect? Duncan is recruiting mages to join the king's army at Ostagar." Irving explained, looking quite amused of my childish display. I was staring at Duncan, my jaw slightly dropped in awe. My features lit up at an instant at his words and a smile was spreading on my whole face.
"I volunteer. I'm ready to fight. I want to do something with my skills. I want to use them."
Duncan nodded, apparently pleased at my statement. I was so excited that my nervousness showed clearly in my mimics and gesticulation. All sorrow had given way to anticipation.
Duncan rose to speak, explaining the whole situation to me and Irving: "With the darkspawn invading, we need all help we can get, especially from the Circle. The power you mages wield is an asset to any army. Your spells are very effective against large groups of mindless darkspawn. I fear if we don't drive them back, we may see another Blight. We need more mages. There is no way I can leave without at least some more."
Just as I wanted to respond the First Enchanter spoke up, telling Duncan not to trouble me with war before he addressed me again.
"Now, now… let's not rush things, young man. The Harrowing is just behind you. You did exceptionally well. My faith in you was justified. Your phylactery was sent to Denerim. You are officially a mage within the Circle of Magi." I bowed slightly, but couldn't hold back a comment about thinking of my phylactery as a leash, a bad one.
"I'm sorry – what is this phylactery?" the Grey Warden asked inquisitively.
"Blood is taken from all apprentices when they first come to the tower and is preserved in special vials." The First Enchanter spelled it out. Yes, my body had been cut open when I arrived here at the age of twelve. I had tried to fight them off and hence the knife had gone through all different parts of my skin. But at least they did have plenty of blood then. I averted my gaze from the two men. I felt nauseous. The day I had been taken from my family was when my health, both mental and physical had started to decrease. Sure, my magical power and knowledge had been growing steadily ever since as payback, but it was sapping. There was something important missing for me to be happy. My remedy was deteriorating as well, already in a state even worse than mine judging by his desperate behaviour, turning towards Blood Magic. Jowan had almost reached the end of the line, I was sure of it.
"So they can be hunted if they turn apostate." The Grey Warden rather stated than asked and I turned my gaze back at them.
The First Enchanter nodded silently and was presenting me with new robes, a staff and a ring with the insignia of the Circle, speaking a few words that he certainly told every newly harrowed mage. I wordlessly took those gifts that meant nothing to me. I wished he had granted me to leave the tower instead. Why didn't I deserve this? What was the difference now from being an apprentice or a full mage? Nothing. Well, maybe that I wasn't suspicious any more. But how did this help Jowan? The only thing I was allowed to do was doing what I wanted IN the tower after escorting the Grey Warden to his room.
But before I left, I posed one last question: "When will be Jowan's Harrowing?" I wanted to know, I needed to know!
Irving was getting incredibly serious and stiff at that.
"I understand that you are worried about your companion's fate, but I have to demand that you stay out of what is to come for him."
I blinked doubtfully for a few times and signified the Grey Warden with a gesture to follow. I had to act as if nothing had changed, as if I was completely indifferent to what Irving had just said. As soon as Duncan was back in the Guest Room, everything happened blow upon blow. I began to run and ran straight into Jowan. We both landed on the floor. I was glad that no templar or mage were around. "We have to get away, NOW! Something bad will happen to you!" I hissed agitatedly in a low voice that was rising with every word. I was panic-stricken and looked around like a trapped animal. I had to keep a clear head – and my voice down!
"Shhhh, luv! Yeah, I know. Come with me." he whispered anxiously, but rather contained in comparison to me.
Arriving in the Chapel of all rooms he introduced me to Lily, an initiate. She telling me that she was his lover, felt like a kick in the teeth. This wasn't real, was it? Was it?! Jowan squeezed my hand without the woman being able to see this and I knew at an instant that she was necessary for his plan. Yes, I trusted him. I still had a queasy feeling and yet I agreed to help, playing along without even questioning Jowan's methods. We needed to escape at all costs. This was my only chance to get out together with Jowan. Now or never. I got the fire rod after taking some hindrances like a signature from a senior enchanter that I needed for the document that granted me such a rod. Lily, Jowan and I went to the repository. Lily provided the password and I opened the first door. When I looked at her, I knew what Jowan needed Blood Magic for. He was controlling her. I had to admit that I was surprised at his abilities more and more. Finally we found the phylactery chamber at the very end of our little walk through the whole basement since the attempt with the rod hadn't worked on the actual phylactery room door. We had to fight knights' amours and a few spectres that weren't so strong that we couldn't handle them. In fact, they were the first real challenge we got aside from the demon I had fought in the Fade. We found Jowan's phylactery and destroyed it. Now all we needed was to get out. My phylactery was really gone but I didn't care. I'd rather die fleeing than not trying to get away at all. Jowan sent Lily to sleep and ran off together with Jowan.
Our enthusiasm only lasted so long until we returned to the ground storey.
"So what you said was true, Irving!" Greagoir and a few templars came rushing into the hall with the First Enchanter behind them. Now this was bad.
"And you…" he turned towards me, is voice growling menacingly. "We should have killed you instead of letting you undergo the Harrowing! Just because Irving put in a word for you!"
"I am disappointed by you." Irving muttered.
Jowan was the one who defended me: "Don't judge him! You don't care for the mages! You just bow to the Chantry's every whim! You can't blame us for what we are doing!"
"Jowan's right, you don't care for the apprentices!" I agreed.
"Enough! Kill them." Greagoir shouted, but just before anyone could do something Jowan stabbed his hand and cast a bloody spell that let them fall back onto the ground.
"I won't let you touch us!" he snarled and we started running - hand in hand. I was stumbling behind him since he was way faster than I was and when I reached the next doorway I was grabbed firmly by the upper arm. In all my surprise I stopped. It was the Grey Warden. "Hey, come on. Why are you waiting?!" Jowan yelled already meters before me and when he saw the reason for my stop he was about to cast another spell, but hesitated and decided not to do so. I was glad about that, he would have probably hit me. I looked at him and back at the Grey Warden, unsure what to do. After a few moments, I was certain that I had to follow Jowan. But those few moments of thought had been enough for the other's to get back up to their feet, so that I was now surrounded by templars and Irving. Jowan had fled. At least I could save him. So I'd never see the world again. It had been worth a try though. I did not defend myself. There was nothing to defend myself from. I affirmed that everything I had done was right in my eyes. I would not beg for my life like a desperate poltroon.
"Knight-Commander, if I may… I am not only looking for mages to join the King's army. I am also recruiting for the Grey Wardens. Irving spoke highly of this mage, and I would like him to join the Warden ranks despite what he has done." Duncan tossed in, letting go of my arm. Of course the other men opposed this suggestion. I was all kinds of evil in their opinion.
"It is a rare person who risks all for a friend in need. I stand by my decision. I will recruit this mage."
"I accept." I stated firmly and without hesitation. After all, this was a way out as well. The only one left for me. I would not let this chance cease before my eyes.
"No! I refuse to let this go unpunished! I won't let this turn out to be a reward for him!" Greagoir roared indignantly.
"I did nothing wrong. This whole institution here is wrong. Not me, not Jowan and no other apostate or mage who simply wants to leave! I want to use my abilities for something. Many do." I answered as contained as possible, trying to hide away my fury. However my voice was betraying me.
Duncan on the other hand was very calm: "Greagoir, mages are needed. This mage is needed. Worse things plague this world than blood mages and apostates, you know that. I take this mage under my wing and bear all responsibility for his actions." This was all that mattered. "Thank you, my lord." I said. I did not even listen to what the other two had to say. I didn't care.
"Come then now, your new life awaits."
So my former life had really ended here.
I left without any further word, without turning back. My new life lay ahead of me.