Chapter Text
Chapter One
Dean stumbled to stand up. Yanking his pants up from where they had been tangled around his ankles. He could feel himself crying even as he told himself repeatedly that he deserved this. After everything this was his punishment, and he was good with it.
As he turned to leave the room he felt the come running down the back of his side. 'Just get to the shower'. He repeated over and over in his head. Once he was clean he could forget this had ever happened.
Dean had been put here less than a year ago. For a double murder. One of those murders he had actually committed. The other.... it was his fault. He deserved to be here and he deserved all the punishment the other inmates decided to dole out to him. He could take it.
Dean had finally reached the shower room after stumbling around for way longer than it should have taken him. He turned the water on, as warm as it could go – only warm water could cleanse his body. He lathered up with some soap and washed as quickly as he could, washing away all the signs of what had happened to him.
Once back in his cell Dean once again thanked God that he was in here alone. He could deal with everything he faced, but he knew he'd die if his attackers knew about Sammy. If they said his name, or even if they talked about what had happened, Dean would snap.
Dean flinched as a patrolling officer made his was passed. “Oi Winchester.. rumour has it you wont be alone in there for much longer.” The officer growled, his eyes alight. He knew what the other prisoners did to Dean, and was almost excited at the prospect of something worse happening in his own cell.
Dean closed his eyes. His thoughts all over the place. A cell mate? Dean's fear rose to the surface. His breath shuddering, his heart beating a panicked rhythm. His vision going black, as his panic took over. His body in overdrive.
Dean managed to calm himself with thoughts of his brother calming a similar panic attack ears ago. Only as soon as the panic left his body it left him feeling the emptiness of his loss once again.
Internally Dean apologised to his brother again for failing him. And promised to take all the punishment that was sent his way to make it up to Sam. Before falling into a fitful sleep where he dreamt it was his brother punishing him every night, because that's what he deserved.
After all.... he had killed Sam hadn't he?