Work Text:
Remus wonders why he’s still surprised by the pain the full moon brings. He should be used to it by now, he’s almost thirty and has experienced this for a long enough time, and with using the wolfsbane potion every month, the moons are much less painful than they used to be. But even the potion can’t get rid of the agony that comes from the transformation, from his bone and skin coming apart and forming back together in one evening. Maybe he’s saved from the self inflicting pain that the ravenous wolf would cause him before, but he still has to go through the pain of transformation, and with his older age, he feels like his recovery days are getting longer and longer.
It’s now been three days since the full moon, and Remus still feels a tightness and aches all over his body. He leans his head back on the tub, the warm water allowing him a small comfort to the pain still coursing through his body. He had hoped today would be better, he had even told Sirius he felt fine and encouraged him to go to work, but by noon it was clear to him that his body didn’t heal like it used to.
At the very least, he had hoped to feel better by the time Sirius came home so that he wouldn’t worry so much about him. Remus hated when Sirius took time off work to take care of him, and would rather him be at work than spending days worrying and fussing over him.
Just then, the hears the slam of a door from the floor below. He curses, and looks at the time, but it’s still only 4pm. Remus hadn’t expected Sirius back for at more than another hour. He tries to lift himself up from the tub, but his arms shake as he does so. He curses, sinks back down into the tub, and tries again, but still his arms just shake and it’s clear he isn’t able to move just yet. It only makes him feel worse about the entire situation.
“Moons?” Sirius calls up, and Remus can hear his steps on the stairs.
Remus curses again, and tries to compose himself into one that’s not in agony. “In here! Just taking a bath.”
Sirius comes through the bathroom doorway, already having removed his work clothes. He just stands in his briefs while he looks over Remus, eyes critical. “How are you feeling?”
Remus smiles back, tries to look relaxed. “Fine, yeah.”
Sirius tilts his head. “You sure?” Even though most of his body is underneath the water and covered in bubbles, Sirius still looks him over as if his eyes can see through it all. Who knows, maybe he can.
Remus chuckles, trying to lighten the situation. “Yes. Why are you home so early? Not that I mind.”
Sirius steps closer to the tub and leans down for a kiss. It’s soft and gentle, and when he pulls back he lovingly caresses Remus’ hair. Remus leans into it and sighs. He almost wishes he could be more selfish and have asked Sirius to have never left this morning. “Was worried about you. Kept feeling like there was something wrong, and I couldn’t concentrate. Reg told me I might as well just head home.”
Remus feels the guilt come up to the surface. “You shouldn’t have done that. It’s not- I’m fine. I don’t want you missing even more work for me.”
But Sirius just shakes his head in exasperation. “They can get by without me. And I would much rather take care of you.” Sirius leans down and kisses Remus on the forehead, his hand still playing with Remus hair. “Anyhow, I stopped by and got all your favorite chocolates. Do you want it here or in bed?”
Remus tenses, still not sure if he’s able to get up, and if he tries and fails then Sirius will definitely know he’s lying about how much pain he’s really in. “You didn’t have to do that. I think…” Remus clears his throat. “I think maybe I’ll be in here for a little while longer, if that’s okay.”
Sirius snorts. “Of course that’s okay. Here, let me rinse off, and I’ll join you.” A teasing smile comes on Sirius face, and with one last kiss, he gets up and starts the shower.
Remus watches as Sirius takes off his briefs and stands naked in front of him. A new feeling takes place of the pain coursing through his body. He eyes Sirius from top to bottom, looking over the lean muscle, the scars from the war, the skin that he knows as well as his own. Sirius’ cock is slightly hardening, and Remus bites his lip while looking at it. By the time his eyes make their way back up to Sirius’ face, he has a smirk on his face. He winks back at Remus, and Remus can only smile back, blushing slightly. It doesn’t matter how many years they’ve been together, Remus will always marvel at the sight of Sirius’ body.
Sirius turns around, giving Remus a clear view of his toned ass, and steps into the shower. Remus watches as the water cascades over his body, still in awe that he gets to be with this man for the rest of his life. Sirius grabs the bar of soap and lathers himself up, the bubbles making their way down his chest, to the clear V of his hipbones, all the way down to his cock, which is now standing much more firmly. Remus feels himself get fully hard to, and he reaches down to grip the base of it, not wanting to get ahead of himself. He wants to enjoy every second of this as he can, and he can already feel the pain easing away as his body feels more turned on instead.
Sirius keeps his eyes locked on Remus as he washes himself. Remus watches his hands as they move over his broad shoulders, as he plays with his nipples, and as he finally makes its way down to take his hard cock in hand. They both gasp at the same time, and Remus grips himself tighter as Sirius moves his hand up once, twice. His eyes keep going from looking into Sirius’ grey ones down to where he’s touching himself. Remus takes a deep breath and begins to play with the tip of his cock, still wanting to take it slow, while Sirius starts a steady rhythm on his. A soft moan escapes Sirius’ mouth, then Remus’ name makes its way out of his pretty lips, and Remus gasps back in response. He feels a different kind of tightening in his body now, and he relishes feeling this instead of the pain he felt before Sirius got here.
Remus quickens his hand movements, the water sloshing around a little bit in the tub. He can’t keep his eyes off of Sirius, the way the veins in his arms have become so prominent. They hadn’t fucked since the night of the full, and he feels the loss of that now.“Fuck, Sirius, look at you,” he says in awe.
“Like what you see?” Sirius asks while one of his hands goes to play with his nipples. Remus only groans back in response. Remus’ eyes keep going between his cock and chest, but he looks back up when he hears Sirius speak. “Do you want me to come now, or later?”
Remus stops his own motions, and grips the base of his cock again, forcing himself to take a calming breath. “Ah, fuck, I don’t know,” he groans out, clearly looking pained by the question.
Sirius laughs a little, and nods. “Later then.”
Remus immediately regrets it; watching Sirius come might have been just what he needed. Sirius washes himself off one last time, and with his cock still very hard steps out of the shower and toward the tub that’s more than big enough for the two of them. Sirius leans down and kisses Remus deeply, Remus sighing into his mouth, still feeling strung up.
“Move up, love,” Sirius whispers into his mouth, husky and still turned on.
Remus freezes. He had forgotten that he was hiding his pain from Sirius. He’s been laying back this whole time and hadn’t had to move much, and now he isn’t sure how his body is going to react. He hopes for the best, smiles weakly, and attempts to sit up so that Sirius can squeeze in behind him. He manages to sit up, but the muscles in his back immediately tenses up, and he lets out a loud groan. However, this time, it’s clear that it’s from pain not pleasure.
“Moony?” Sirius’ voice immediately turns into concern. “What’s wrong? Does it hurt still?”
“No, no,” Remus quickly rushes out to say, even though his arms and body have started to shake again. “I’m fine, just, um, still sore.” His voice breaks. There’s no hiding the pain that’s coming through his voice now, and Sirius knows him better than anyone else anyways. Remus is a fool for thinking he could hide it from him.
“Oh, love. Why didn’t you tell me?” Sirius says while rubbing the tense muscles in his back. “I would’ve stayed home. We could’ve-”
“No,” Remus says back, frustrated and angry with himself. “I can’t have you watching me all the time. It’s not fair to you. You need to be able to go to work without worrying about me.” He takes another deep breath, closes his eyes tight. “And I’m fine.” He meant for it to sound convincing, but instead it sounds broken.
Remus hears Sirius sigh behind him, his hands still caressing his back gently. He feels a kiss on his shoulder, and another. “Remus,” Sirius says back gently. But Remus refuses to look up at him, doesn’t want to see pity or concern on Sirius’ beautiful face. That face shouldn’t hold any of that after the war, but instead he still has to worry about Remus even after everything he’s been through. It’s not fair to him.
“No,” he says back harshly. “You shouldn’t have to deal with this.”
“I’m not ‘dealing’ with anything. I love you. And I don’t like seeing you in pain, but I like taking care of you,” Sirius gently whispers against the skin of Remus’ bare shoulder. “You don’t have to hide from me.
Remus doesn’t say anything back. He hears Sirius sigh deeply behind him, and his body is still tense when Sirius manages to squeeze himself in behind Remus’ back. Sirius is a warm, firm presence behind him, and Remus still feels satisfied by it even though he feels guilty as well. Remus brings his knees up, and he rests his forehead against them, feeling more defeated and guilty than before. So much of him wants to give in, to let Sirius take care of him, but he can never do it without feeling like some kind of burden. Remus lets out a shaky breath. After everything, after Sirius’ childhood and what he went through in the war, Remus should be the one taking care of him. But instead it’s Sirius having to pick up Remus’ pieces all over again.
Sirius must sense the negative thoughts going through because his lips don’t leave Remus’ back as he whispers ‘I love you’ over and over again. His hands start caressing all down Remus’ shoulders, arms, playing with his wet hair. It’s the lightest of touches, ones that might not even be felt if Remus weren’t so in tune with Sirius.
Remus is still tense as Sirius begins to massage his back more deeply. He lets out a harsh moan, both from relief and pain, and he feels Sirius press another kiss to the space in between his shoulder blades. As much as he hates it, this is what he needs more than anything. Sirius is the only one that could ever get him through this.
With the pain and tension in his back muscles easing, Remus finds himself relaxing a little more. He feels drowsy, loose, and warm. He doesn’t even notice that he’s begun reclining himself again until he’s resting fully against Sirius’ chest. His breaths are more even now, and he matches them with Sirius’. The hands that were just on his back are now caressing his chest, teasing his nipples and the sensitive spot right around his waistline. He feels his cock twitch in interest, and then feels Sirius’ cock hard behind his back as well. He moans softly, starting to feel more pleasure than pain again. Sirius tilts Remus’ head to the side, angling for a kiss, and Remus gives into a long, deep one. He hadn’t realized that he had lightly cried until they kiss. When he pulls back, Sirius looks like he has light tears in his eyes as well.
Sirius only says his name before kissing him again. They go on like that for a few minutes, breathing into each other, and Remus lets himself sink into all the comfort Sirius has to offer. One of Sirius’ hands is holding his head close, the other caressing the planes of his chest. However weak or fragile Remus feels, Sirius feels whole and stable, like a life raft in the sea of pain that is his body. He opens his mouth in a deep sigh, and Sirius takes advantage, kissing him dirty and deep.
Sirius’ hand moves down, down Remus’ chest to where his cock is now fully hard again. Sirius’ hand touches him softly, gently, like he might break, and Remus is starting to think that just might. The tenderness already being too much for him. Sirius takes his time with him, playing with the tip lightly, then gripping the base, then beginning a gradual up and down movement. Their mouths are still together, although they’re more breathing into each other than actually kissing. Sirius’ breaths are coming faster too, and Remus can still feel his cock pressed up behind him. He grinds back into it lightly, testing to see if it causes him any pain, and when it doesn’t, he presses himself further into Sirius’. It draws a deep moan from Sirius’, the hand that’s gripping his hair tightening.
Sirius kisses him deeply once more before pulling back, his eyes dark and hazy. When he speaks, his voice is husky. “You think it’s some kind of burden to take care of you, to love you, to be with you, when really it’s my saving grace.” His grey eyes are bright with emotion. “You’re the love of my life. How could you ever think I wouldn’t stand by your side? That I wouldn’t want to?”
Remus can’t stand to see that much vulnerability in Sirius’ eyes, so he turns to nuzzle into Sirius’ neck instead. “It’s just not fair to you. Your life shouldn’t be comprised of, of moments like this.”
“What? Moments where I get to show you how much I love you? You are not a burden to me, Remus. You’re my other half. I’ll take every moment I can, especially the painful ones if it means you don’t have to do it alone.” Sirius uses the hand that’s still in his hair to pull his head back. He looks deeply into Remus’ eyes. “I love you. That’s all there is to it. I love you. So please let me take care of you.”
Remus doesn’t have any fight left in him to say no. Hasn’t really wanted to say no to him this entire time, no matter how guilty he felt. So he just nods, and lets himself be kissed and cared for.
After another moment, Sirius pulls back, looking much more composed. “Think you’re up to going back to bed?”
Remus simply nods again, not trusting his voice just yet. He moves himself up, so that Sirius can get out from behind him first. The first thing he sees is how hard Sirius still is, and he sighs deeply at the sight. If it wasn’t for Sirius clearing his throat above him he wouldn’t have noticed the hand he’s offering to help him stand up. He blushes, but takes it. With one arm tightly around his waist, Sirius manages to lift him up, and Remus is incredibly relieved that he doesn’t hurt as much as he did before Sirius got here.
They towel off, both of them still hard, but not doing anything about it just yet. Sirius could have just cast a spell to dry them off, but instead he takes time drying him from top to bottom by hand. His hands are gentle around his shoulders, back, arms, and all the way down his legs. Remus would normally protest, but decides that he really is done fighting and that it’s much better to be cared for by Sirius than to handle this alone.
When Sirius offers to carry Remus to the bed, Remus rolls his eyes but takes the offer. Sirius lays him down gently, and kisses him again once he’s lying firmly on his back. The arousal hits him full force then, and he whines into Sirius’ mouth. Sirius still hasn’t laid down with him, is just leaning over him, but Remus lifts his hands to tangle them in his hair and grip his shoulder, meaning to pull him down.
Sirius pulls back, eyes looking dark. “Are you okay to-”
Remus cuts him off. “Yes, yes, please.” And brings him back down for another kiss.
Sirius pulls back again, still looking unsure. “I don’t want to hurt you, baby.”
“You won’t. Just please. I need it,” Remus says while looking directly into his eyes, trying to get him to understand how badly he does. “I need you so much. Please.”
Sirius lets out a deep breath, and nods quickly. When he lays over Remus, he knows that Sirius has been holding himself back. Sirius’ presence on top of him is warm and comforting, his body reaching for him instantly. Their bodies mold together, and Remus whimpers the second their hard cocks brush against each other. Sirius moans too, his hand going to grip Remus’ waist tightly. Remus tentatively lifts his hips up and when it doesn’t hurt, does it again, grinding against Sirius’ trying to chase every bit of arousal he can.
Sirius begins to thrust against him too, the precome from both of their cocks bringing out more moans from each of them. Sirius breaks away from Remus’ mouth to bite and suck on the side of his neck, but it’s not enough, and Remus knows it.
“More, love, please more,” Remus manages to say, his nails making their way down Sirius’ back in plea.
Sirius only hums back from where his mouth is on Remus’ neck, but Remus feels his hand go toward the nightstand drawer. Sirius pulls back then, eyes looking frenzied and dark. His eyes roam over Remus’ body, taking in the sheen of sweat that’s around his forehead, the way his breaths are coming out shaky.
“How’s the pain, baby?” Remus moans in frustration, but Sirius looks at him firmly. “Be honest with me, or this stops. And then we’ll both be in agony for a completely different reason.”
Remus huffs out in exasperation. “I’m fine. It’s still- I’m sore, but it’s mostly in my back and that feels a lot better. And when we’re doing this, I feel it much, much less.” He even leans up on his elbows to show him that he’s better, and he’s relieved when his arms don’t shake at the exertion. “I’m okay,” he whispers out, lifting his head for a kiss, which Sirius gives him back. “Please fuck me. I want to feel you inside me, everywhere, more than anything else.”
Sirius shutters out a breath, and nods before kissing him lightly. “Nothing makes me more happy, baby.”
Remus assumes that Sirius will immediately start prepping him, but instead Sirius leaves kisses all over his face. Then he kisses both sides of his neck, leaving deep bite marks on both sides that he knows will definitely be hickeys by the morning. Sirius kisses his collarbones, licks around his nipples, and then sucks on each one, one of his hands going to pinch it. Remus arches his back in surprise, and lifts his hips to grind up against Sirius again, feeling light headed with the stimulation. He moans Sirius’ name out, and Sirius hums back in approval. He licks up and down Remus’ abdomen, then places kisses and bite marks along Remus’ hip bones. Remus unintentionally lifts his hips up in response, not being able to control his body’s reaction to Sirius’ mouth on his body.
Remus leans up again on his elbows, and watches as Sirius kisses around his cock. His breathing is coming out harshly, and he can see that Sirius’ own hips are rutting against the mattress on their own accord. “Baby,” Remus moans out, not being able to stand the gentle way that Sirius kisses all around the side of his thighs.
Sirius looks up, and with those beautiful grey eyes locked on his, opens his mouth wide and slowly, gently puts the tip of Remus’ cock in his mouth. He sucks on it, and Remus lifts his hips up again in response. Sirius simply hums back, keeps his eyes on Remus as he begins to play with his cock, sucking around the side, licking every inch, tasting the precome that’s made its way out. Remus is completely at his mercy. They’ve both been hard now for far too long, and so much of him wants Sirius to just fuck him into the mattress, but he also lives for moments when Sirius takes his sweet time with him.
Sirius finally stops playing around, and sucks more than half of Remus’ cock in one go. Remus shouts, still surprised by the sensitivity of it. Sirius moans in response, pulls away for just a moment to cast a lubricant charm, and then starts moving his head up and down Remus’ cock more quickly. It’s too much as it is, but then Remus feels Sirius’ finger against his hole, and all Remus can do is lay there and take it. With each finger, Remus feels more and more of his body come alive with pleasure, and he welcomes every bit of it over the pain he felt earlier. Where would he be without Sirius to bring this out of him?
With Sirius’ mouth on his cock, and three fingers in his ass, Remus body shakes from desire. He’s in a haze, his body coming alive with only the kind of indulgence that Sirius can give him. He’s letting himself fall into it, letting himself escape into Sirius mouth, hands, body. All of him belongs to Sirius, and he’s never felt more relief with that thought in his head. He’s let himself fully go, body drifting away with pleasure, that he cries out in despair when he feels both Sirius’ lips and hand leave him. He can hear himself begging, can feel the tears streaking down his face, when Sirius comes up to kiss the desperation out of him.
“I know, love, I know, shh, I got you,” Sirius whispers back against his lips, tasting every whimper that comes out from Remus.
Sirius wraps one hand underneath his head, holding his neck. The other goes to hold one leg open with Sirius still being mindful of the pain that Remus said was in his back. Remus feels the light push of Sirius’ cock against his hole, and whines out. Now that he’s this far gone, he submits himself to it. His hands greedily hold onto Sirius’ biceps, clinging on for dear life.
Languidly, as if he has all night and they haven’t both been hard for too long now, Sirius pushes his way in. Remus feels every inch as it enters him, but instead of asking him to go faster, he revels in the slowness of it. Both of their breaths are hot against each other when Remus moans out, “I feel you, feel every bit of you.”
Sirius’ moans hoarsely too. “Yeah, baby? That’s all I want for you. To feel every bit of me.”
Remus nods feverishly back. “I do. Feel you everywhere.”
“I do too, sweetheart. You’re so tight and perfect for me,” he says, emphasizing it with a long kiss. And with his lips still against Remus’ he says, “I love you, I love your body, I love every part of you.”
It’s enough to bring more tears in his eyes, and Remus cries out into Sirius’ mouth as he bottoms out inside of him. They stay like that for a moment, both getting used to the tightness and the feel of being fully together. But Remus feels like he’s been turned on for forever, so he lightly, lightly grinds his hips up. It brings out another moan from Sirius, and he thrusts out all the way before thrusting back in. They both sigh with relief, and Sirius begins to make love to him in the gentlest way.
Sirius makes love to him in the way that he loves Remus; deep, tender, and intense.
Remus keeps expecting Sirius to start fucking him harder, faster, but instead he keeps the slow pace. Remus resigns himself to be at Sirius’ mercy, to let him take care of his body however he sees fit. He decides then that Sirius probably knows his body better than he does at this point, and that his life is so much better when he just allows Sirius to take care of him. And to have Sirius make love to him like this? It’s liberating. It finally allows him the ability to show Sirius his pain, and the comfort of knowing that Sirius will be on the other side already waiting to take care of him.
With every thrust, Remus feels his body come alive with more pleasure. The pain in his back is almost gone, and the tension in his body has been replaced with something far sweeter. He moans back ‘thank you’s’ to Sirius, running his hands down his back, and locking his fingers in his hair to keep him close. “Need you like this forever,” he whimpers out, not being able to imagine a world where they’re not like this, where their bodies aren’t connected completely and beautifully in this way.
Sirius nods back. “You have me. And I’ve got you. I’ll always have you.” Remus feels those words settle in him. It’s a promise that Sirius accentuates with every deep, long thrust in him. Remus’ hole clenches back in response, and Sirius praises him. “That’s it, baby. Take me in, take all of me.”
Remus does. He tightens himself around Sirius, showing him how much he appreciates him, how much he loves him. He welcomes every inch of Sirius’ cock inside of him, and doesn’t hold back any moan or sigh. He’s panting hard into Sirius’ mouth, whispering his name over and over again like a prayer and promise.
Remus doesn’t even realize his orgasm is about to hit until Sirius makes a remark. “That’s it. Want you to feel good, baby. Let yourself go. Give me all of it, Remus.”
Remus comes with Sirius’ name on his mouth, and lets himself experience every bit of pleasure that Sirius gives him. He only knows he’s crying because he can feel Sirius licking away at all the tears. Still, he doesn’t feel shame about it. He’s never felt safer than when he’s in Sirius’ arms. Sirius’ orgasm follows shortly after, his hips grinding deep into Remus, and Remus moans deeply at the sensation of being filled so lovingly.
They both lay there panting, with Sirius still kissing all around Remus’ face and saying sweet words of endearment. Remus says them back too, wanting more than anything else for Sirius to know how much he loves him back.
“I have you, I’ll always have you,” Sirius whispers into his ear. “No matter how you see yourself, I’ll only ever see you as lovely. My love, my love.”
Remus nods back, accepting all the love and gentleness Sirius has to offer him. Remus cannot imagine a life without Sirius, and is so relieved he doesn’t have to.