Chapter Text
Everybody experiences the drop in their life. The moment the Ferris wheel hits rock bottom. Or when the car runs out of fuel and crashes. Or when your phone dies.
But in all these scenarios we know we all see the end coming. You go on a Ferris wheel for the thrill or to see the top of the world, yet you know eventually you will come to the bottom. And that thrill will die out.
And when you get in a car you always have the urge to check the fuel. Make sure you won't crash. But some speed up and go faster because they need something to feel. Some ignore the fuel on purpose because deep down inside they want to crash. They want a wakeup call. Or maybe they truly didn't remember. But blame always falls on the victim.
And when you spend time on your phone you know it's wasting battery, but you can't care less because you need that distraction. That burning heat in your hand. That endless blinking of the eye as another scene appears on your screen. Or maybe it's staring at the picture filled with filters and Photoshop making you want to change yourself. All these things are because you can't stand life.
That thrill of being on top of the world.
That thrill of the wind speeding by as you watch that pole appear closer and closer.
That thrill of living on your phone and avoiding life.
All these thrills come to an end. And you are left with dread. A remembrance of why you do what you do. BECAUSE YOU CAN'T STAND YOUR LIFE.
You can't stand yourself.
Truth is you can do this forever.
But eventually that thrill will die out. And you will want... No need. Another thrill.
Drugs.
Alcohol.
Those gentle cuts that cause you to wince.
That burning feel on your palms once you explode another fucking villain.
Okay... Maybe that was specifically targeted at the young boy.
The point is everyone experiences their drop.
Some experience it at a young age and spend their life trying to climb out of the hole others dig for them. (Izuku "Deku" Midoriya).
Some ignore their own emotions because they know they need to protect and be a stronger person. (Uraraka "Uravity" Ochako and Tsuyu "Froppy" Asui)
Some experience it all their life and when they experience the simplest type of pleasure, happiness, they are unable to recognize is foreign feeling. (Todoroki Shoto)
Some don't know how to deal with it and that trauma and hell they experience is turned into something else. (Mineta and Tokoyami)
Some stay positive and push forward. (Mina "Alien Queen" Ashido and "Eijiro "red riot" Kirishima)
Some pretend to be happy. (Denki "charge bolt" Kaminari)
Some turn that pain into hate and rage. (Tenya Iida)
And some experience this all.
(Bakugo "Dynamite" Katsuki)
Trauma at a young age. Check.
Faking positivity. Check.
Turning that pain into rage and hate. Check.
Ignoring his emotions. Check.
Trying to protect others because he feels he has too. Check.
Doesn't know how to deal with his trauma. Check.
The only one not so true is the “pushing forward”.
Cause no matter what he seems to do he just falls deeper.
He likes to tell himself he tries but the world hates him.
But when he opened his eyes and saw the white walls of the hospital and heard the sounds of the machine measuring his heartbeat, he realized something. He was driving that car at full speed, wishing he would crash. Hoping they would get pulled over. Praying he would turn a little too far and drive into a pole. Everything inside him was breaking. His heart. His bones. His soul. His voice.
He was losing himself.
As his classmates piled into the room and leaned over him asking him questions all he could think about was, did I ever know myself.
All he ever was, was what others needed him to be. A hero. A bully. A punching bag. The puncher.
And as his classmates began crying, he didn't hear them. Instead, he blinked softly imagining the hand he held on to so desperately letting go of him.
He imagined his body falling gently through the air. He imagined the impact of his body against the hard water. He imagined and imagined the many ways he could go. But he knew he would never have the heart to do it.
No matter who he pretends to be he will always be a coward. Afraid of his own desires. Himself.
But he also knew if he continued breaking, there wouldn't the anything left of him. He didn't know how long he could last. Or how long he could hold onto himself. How long he could last dangling on the edge of death.
He didn't know nearly enough.
But he did know he was willing to fight.
He just didn't know if he had the strength to survive the battle.