Work Text:
Xiang Shu is used to the weight of Chen Xing’s body.
Chen Xing has the body of a scholar; lithe and graceful, light enough to be easy to grab him and run. Chen Xing is familiar enough with him now that he no longer squirms and accepts the manhandling with little complaint. Good, considering how often Xiang Shu has to physically drag him out of harm’s way.
He likes the weight of Chen Xing’s body. Against him, next to him, leaning on his side, or slung over his shoulder. He’s spent nearly every day of the past year and a half by his side, but Xiang Shu likes it best when Chen Xing is close enough to touch.
In the morning light following the battle against Wen Zhe, even the pleasure of his touch does nothing to diminish the panic caught like bile in his throat. Chen Xing’s body is pale and limp in his arms, and Xiang Shu struggles to not jostle him too roughly as he runs.
He can distantly hear Feng Qianjun and Xiao Shan shouting after him. He ignores them, leaping around the rubble of a half-crushed city and stealing a horse that broke loose in the chaos. They’ll catch up eventually, he’s sure. All that matters to him now is getting Chen Xing help. There were doctors in Jiankang, they’ll help him if he can just get there.
The pale morning light hits Chen Xing’s desolate face, and Xiang Shu clutches him closer, fighting the stinging burn in his eyes as he rides.
—--------------------------------------------
“Help him.”
He stands in the clinic in Jiankang, having skipped the line outside with little regard towards the other patients waiting their turn. He sees Xie Daoyun turn with a furrowed pinch in her brow, obviously about to tell him to wait his turn and get back in line. She pauses when she sees him though.
He’s still covered in sweat and grime from the battle, and his knuckles have long since gone white from his desperate grip on Chen Xing’s body.
“He won’t wake up,” he explains. Chen Xing’s head has lolled at an awkward angle, and he quickly fixes his grip so that it rests more comfortably against his chest. He’s not above begging, and he does, for Chen Xing’s sake. “I’ll do anything, I’ll pay anything. Just help him, please.”
Xie Daoyun purses her lips. She looks him up and down before her eyes fall on the body cradled in his arms. She sighs, and gestures for someone to take over her work.
“Bring him here, I’ll see what I can do.”
—--------------------------------------------
His meridians are damaged. He used too much of the heart lamp in that fight, and it badly injured his spiritual hun. They reassure Xiang Shu that he should recover with rest, but there is not much they can do until he wakes up.
Xiang Shu weathers the hustle and bustle of the doctors and the subsequent storm that is Xiao Shan and Feng Qianjun’s worry. The whole time he refuses to let go of Chen Xing’s hand; much less let him out of sight. His fingers keep drifting up to the thin flesh of his wrist, his heart hammering painfully until he’s once again assured by the gentle thrum of Chen Xing’s pulse.
The doctors give him some medicine and leave. Xie An says he’ll help call another doctor to check on Chen Xing tomorrow, just to be sure, but for now, Xiang Shu is left alone with him.
Chen Xing is still covered in dirt and blood. If he were awake, Xiang Shu is sure that he'd be complaining about the state of his robes, so he calls someone to bring him warm water and a sponge, as well as a change of fresh robes.
He starts at Chen Xing’s face, gently wiping away the blood from the corner of his mouth and down the curve of his slender neck. He hesitates slightly as he goes lower, his fingers twitching slightly against the tie of his outer robes.
Shamefully, he can feel his body responding. The spark of heat igniting in his gut is as familiar to him as Chen Xing’s smile, or the feeling of his hands reaching out in the dark, bringing light and warmth and driving him insane . Everything about Chen Xing drives him insane, and he has no clue what he does to Xiang Shu.
He ignores the feeling - and this too, is familiar - removing Chen Xing’s dirty clothes and baring his body to the still air of the night. He is beautiful, but his beauty is hollow without the life that fills everything he does. Even in rest, Chen Xing is alive . He murmurs and turns in his sleep; kicking out or curling closer on cold nights. Tonight, his stillness cuts through Xiang Shu like a knife. He cleans Chen Xing methodically, hoping that he’ll wake; that he’ll complain and blush over Xiang Shu’s forwardness, that he’ll do anything other than lie there.
He doesn't. He just sleeps.
Xiang Shu changes him and slumps into the seat at his bedside.
A memory of his father comes to him unbidden - how Shulü Wen, the Great Chanyu muffled sobs into his pillow under the cover of night, thinking that no one would hear. Xiang Shu was just a boy then; he didn’t fully understand grief at the time, much less the grief of a man mourning the love of his life.
It was the first and only time he’d ever seen his father cry.
Like his father, Xiang Shu is a man who rarely cries, but he can’t help the tear that slips down his face as he curls down to rest his head on Chen Xing’s shoulder.
He is only human after all. Chen Xing makes him feel human.
“Xing’er… Wake up soon.” His plea comes out muffled in soft fabric.
No one answers.
—--------------------------------------------
In the first month, he’s become somewhat picky of the people he lets into Chen Xing’s room.
Any doctors who say “if he wakes up” instead of “when he wakes up”, are not allowed in again.
Feng Qianjun and Xie An are allowed, as well as Xiao Shan - mostly because the brat would pick a fight otherwise, and Xiang Shu isn’t in the mood to fight him lately.
Xiao Shan is here now, curled up in the space between Chen Xing and the wall. He’s getting too tall to crawl into Chen Xing’s space like that, but Xiang Shu is too tired to really do anything about it other than glare.
He hears more footsteps down the hall. He stands at attention and sees from the corner of his eye how Xiao Shan’s ears perk up in interest as well. The steps are familiar though, and he quickly relaxes back against the door where he’s been keeping watch.
Feng Qianjun waves as he turns the corner, keeping him up to date on the things that go on outside this room.
Outside this room there is a world that keeps turning, and people that move on, even after Chen Xing collapsed.
The world always seems to move on without him. When his mother passed; the world left behind the quiet shell of a boy, grasping at straws for the memory of a woman and the home she spoke of in stories. His father passed, and all of a sudden he was the Great Chanyu, with responsibilities to attend to, disputes to manage, and marriage proposals to consider despite the fact that he was only seventeen and had just lost his father.
His parents, Zhou Zhen, and Che Luofeng; his life has been an ongoing series of losses, a banquet that ends too early. He refuses to lose Chen Xing too.
Chen Xing’s careless laugh, his bullheaded stubbornness, and his genuine care for every living thing in the divine land. Xiang Shu will not let that spark go out, even if it kills him. If Chen Xing is the death of him, then so be it. He’ll be strong enough to fight without the heart lamp - they’ll find a way to make it work without draining Chen Xing’s precious life.
“You know…” Feng Qianjun starts, and Xiang Shu is brought back to the present. “When he wakes up you can always tell him how you feel…”
Xiang Shu feels his brows furrow into a scowl, and Feng Qianjun quickly backtracks.
“Aiya don’t look at me that way!” He waves his hands placatingly, and the needling tone of his voice is only making his headache worse. “My great benefactor should take all the time he needs, but maybe telling Tianchi might- ack! This lowly one apologizes! This good brother will shut his mouth and leave you to it!”
Feng Qianjun leaves, darting hastily back down the hall to avoid his wrath, and Xiang Shu lets the hand on the hilt of his sword drop.
He’s tired . He hasn't been sleeping well lately.
With a sigh, he shuts the door and walks over to the bed, ignoring the look Xiao Shan gives him.
“Move over,” he grunts, and the kid grumbles but moves enough so that Xiang Shu can sit comfortably with his back against the wall and Chen Xing’s head in his lap.
He rests there and eventually dozes off to the sound of Chen Xing’s gentle breathing and Xiao Shan’s soft snores.
—--------------------------------------------
Xiang Shu frequently finds himself thinking that Chen Xing would know what to do. He thinks more clearly than Xiang Shu does - he’s good at seeing the bigger picture.
Chen Xing should be here to tell him that everything will be fine and that they’ll find a way to move forward from this. They have Iuppiter on their side, things will work out, just wait and see.
Xiang Shu misses him.
He looks through the window at the night sky sprawling above them in a glittering sea of stars. He wonders which one of those bright lights is Iuppiter, and bitterly curses that it didn't do more.
He doesn't know what he’ll do if Chen Xing never wakes up. He can’t save the world on his own.
Chen Xing has a relentless drive in him, like a fire at his heels that keeps him moving against all odds. Xiang Shu doesn't know how he does it; how he blazes until he burns out.
“Xing’er,” he breathes, “you have to wake up.”
Predictably, he gets no response. It gives him the courage to say the words he’s never been brave enough to say out loud, to murmur them quietly to someone who will not hear them.
“I love you, Xing’er,” he says. He takes one of Chen Xing’s hands and places a kiss to the palm of it. These hands that bring light, these hands that save cities, these hands that have the weight of the entire world resting on them.
“Guwang will wait for you, please don’t give up.”
—--------------------------------------------
When Chen Xing bolts awake with a gasp, Xiang Shu almost believes he’s still dreaming.
“Where is this?” He asks, voice scratchy and rough from disuse. Xiang Shu has never been more grateful to hear anything in his life. “Ay, how long have I been asleep? It was really comfortable.”
His Xing’er. His Chen Xing. Awake.
Only he would say something so inane and casual about comfort after being asleep for three months .
He stumbles out of the room, unable to keep the tremble out of his voice as he calls for everyone.
He’s awake, and he’s staring at Xiang Shu with this frustrating, guileless look like he hasn't been turning Xiang Shu’s hair gray with worry. He hopes Chen Xing stares at him like that forever.
Chen Xing blinks his clear eyes, the afternoon light softly illuminating his profile, and the world starts turning again.