Work Text:
However much he knew he owed to his "brother", Daniel couldn’t remain. He had stayed with Skaara as long as he could, but though the Tok’ra had been willing to let him stay longer, Daniel couldn’t watch. Until they began, though, he had enjoyed talking with Skaara again. He was the same boy Daniel had known, a lot wiser, a little older, but the same Skaara. He had been a little afraid of what was coming, but happy...no, thrilled he would finally be completely free. Daniel, leaving that small room, had felt ashamed of himself for being unable to face what Skaara must.
As he left the room, Daniel’s thoughts were full of Sha’re. He was painfully aware that this procedure could have worked for her, as well as for her brother. He wiped the tears from his eyes. Now wasn’t the time to indulge his grief.
Had there ever been a good time?
Daniel stood as the Tok’ra woman emerged. Daniel couldn’t even recall her name. He met her eyes nervously. "Skaara?" he asked, suddenly afraid of the answer.
She smiled. "He is well," she announced, "and the procedure is complete. Do you wish to come in?"
A huge weight he hadn’t realised he was carrying vanished with her words. "Yes. Thank you." He had never meant three words more. She stepped aside, and Daniel walked past her quickly.
The first thing he saw was the glass container. Filled with clear liquid when he left the room, it now contained a Goa’uld. Daniel’s eyes narrowed. Why couldn’t they just kill it? Freeing Skaara just meant that thing would steal another life.
"Daniel?" Skaara sat on the edge of the platform. He was naked but for a cloth around his waist. Daniel smiled inwardly, seeing that. Skaara had said that when he was rid of the Goa’uld he wanted to get rid of Klorel’s clothing, too. Apparently, that hadn’t been a joke. His long hair had been unbound for the surgery and still hung loosely around his face, covering most of his shoulders and back. If there were scars, they were well hidden.
Daniel couldn’t help staring. He’s older, he had to remind himself. Skaara still looked sixteen to Daniel’s eyes. The work of the Goa’uld, he supposed. They liked "perfect" hosts, and kept their bodies young. Skaara’s appearance was disconcerting, though. Unclothed, with his hair in disarray, he looked as if he had just left a lover’s bed, not as if he’d just had a life-threatening operation.
And Skaara knew it. As their eyes met, Skaara’s look was knowing, and Daniel realised they were both remembering the same thing.
***
A cold night in the Abydonian desert. Daniel stood some distance from the village, staring up at the stars. He no longer saw individual pinpricks of light: he saw shapes of constellations, some of them reflected on the Abydos Stargate. There was a whole universe out there...so many wonders to explore...
He shivered in the cold and clutched his robe more tightly around him. He glanced back toward the lights of the village. He should go back soon. It was warm inside, and Sha’re was waiting. His wife. He still wasn’t sure how that had happened. Doctor Daniel Jackson had made a lot of plans for his future, but finding a wife had never been on his list. The thought of being married still took him by surprise.
He saw a figure coming toward him. Not Sha’re, but at first he didn’t recognise Skaara. The light was behind him, and he wasn’t certain who the silhouette was until he spoke.
"Dan-i-el?" Skaara said.
Daniel smiled at the pronunciation. Skaara knew how to say his name: he was imitating Sha’re. "I’ll be coming in soon," he answered. He returned to looking up at the sky. Why so many symbols on the Stargate if it could only be used to travel between Abydos and Earth? There had to be more.
"Do you know which one is your Earth?" Skaara asked him.
Daniel shook his head. "No. Our sun is a small star; it’s probably not visible from here at all."
"You are troubled, Daniel."
How did Skaara manage to sound so old? Daniel turned to look at him again. "The chamber we found is important, Skaara. It could make a big difference to my people. I...I want to unbury our Stargate and see if I’m right about what it all means. But that could be dangerous." The image from his nightmares flashed into his mind again: another bomb being sent through the Stargate, this time there would be no way to disarm or stop it.
Skaara didn’t know about that nightmare, but he seemed to understand. "You know we will help you, whatever you wish to do."
Daniel nodded. "I know." He looked more closely at his friend. Skaara wore only a thin sleeveless shirt, that reached to below his knees, and sandals on his feet. His braided hair was tied back in a rough ponytail. Daniel, wearing several layers of cloth was shivering in the cold: Skaara must be freezing. Concerned, he reached out, touching the young man’s bare arm. "Aren’t you cold?"
Skaara laid a hand over Daniel’s, sandwiching Daniel’s cold fingers between his hand and arm. The gesture answered Daniel’s question: Skaara’s flesh was warm. "No," Skaara said quietly. He didn’t release Daniel’s hand.
Daniel knew what Skaara was doing. It wasn’t the first time he had made advances. It was accepted under Abydonian custom. A respected man, like Daniel, was almost expected to take a boy like Skaara into his household - and then his bed.
The young archaeologist, however he might like their society, was still an American at heart. He felt a heat rising in his cheeks. "Skaara...I...um..." Gently, he removed his hand from the young man’s grasp, "I’ve asked you not to do this. I’m married to your sister." Which made not a bit difference to Skaara.
Skaara didn’t back off. In fact, he took a step closer to Daniel. "I know you watch me, Dan-i-el. So does Sha’re."
"That’s not the point," Daniel told him. Of course he watched Skaara! Marriage couldn’t change the fact that he was gay, and Skaara was gorgeous.
A few days after Jack and the others had left Abydos, Daniel had walked in on Skaara and another Abydonian boy. The other boy had been face down on the ground, Skaara kneeling, naked above him. Daniel had stood there, frozen for a few moments, watching Skaara rimming his friend. Then, embarrassed, he had made his presence known. The boys hadn’t been offended: they only laughed at his discomfort. Daniel’s physical reaction to the sight had been evident to both Skaara and his young lover.
That memory was strong in his mind as Skaara slowly stroked his arm. "She will welcome me, Daniel." Skaara reached up to kiss him. Daniel didn’t have an opportunity to escape. He could have stopped Skaara’s advances with violence, but that wasn’t his way. If he was honest with himself, he didn’t truly want to get out of this. Skaara’s warm mouth covered his, and he tasted like the starlight: a promise of so many possibilities. Trapped between conscience and desire, Daniel allowed the kiss. Involuntarily, he lifted a hand to Skaara’s hair. Skaara took the gesture as assent and moved in closer, pressing his body against the older man’s.
Daniel could feel the boy’s arousal. He could have taken him, right there on the sand. It was what Skaara wanted: just lift that shirt he was wearing - there would be nothing under it - and take him. Hard and fast. Daniel wanted to...but refused to give in. God, it would be so easy! But Skaara was a boy and Daniel was a married man.
Who am I kidding? I was younger than him the first time I got fucked. And this kid’s no virgin...
It took a real effort to pull away. "Skaara, I won’t do this."
Skaara stepped back, obviously frustrated. He spoke volumes with the look in his eyes.
Daniel sighed. "I want you to stop this. I can’t deny you’re attractive, and I know it’s obvious that I want you. But it’s not going to happen."
"Why not?"
Frustration brought the truth to Daniel’s lips, instead of the honourable-sounding excuses. "If I make love to you," he said firmly, "I want you to be thinking of me. Not Jack O’Neill."
Skaara stared at him for a moment. Then he turned and ran away.
Daniel could have kicked himself. He shouldn’t have said that. It was cruel. It wasn’t Skaara’s fault that the man he had fallen in love with was a galaxy away.
There was such a thing as too much honesty.
***
Daniel turned to the hovering Tok’ra surgeon. "Could we have a few moments alone?"
The man nodded slowly. "Of course. We will bring Skaara some Tolan clothing."
Daniel waited until they were alone and (he hoped) in private. "Skaara...about Sha’re..." But Daniel couldn’t go on.
"Is it true that she is gone?" Skaara asked.
Of course he would have heard. Daniel nodded slowly. "Amonet was trying to kill me. Teal’c killed her to save my life. I’m sorry." Skaara would be angry. He had every right to be angry.
But Skaara simply nodded. "Amonet was allied with Her’ur. Klorel would not believe that she had died. But I hoped...Daniel, I would not wish Sha’re more pain."
Daniel felt tears sting his eyes again. If anyone would understand, it would be Skaara. But what he must have been through...Swallowing the lump in his throat, Daniel said, "I’m sorry I couldn’t stop what happened to you."
"You have, Dan-i-el." Skaara’s look was very direct.
Daniel swallowed again. "So...what do you want to do now?"
"I want my life back." Skaara glanced toward the door as the Tok’ra returned, carrying the promised clothing.
Daniel felt a shiver of apprehension. Cold, like that remembered desert night. "Skaara." He waited for the young man to meet his eyes. "Your life on Abydos? Or do you mean something else? Someone else."
Skaara turned away as he began to dress. "He hates me," he said.
He does mean Jack..."No. He doesn’t. Jack hates the Goa’uld. He’s..." He’s scared shitless and to damned stoic to admit it. "...um...there’s a reason he was wary of you when he knew Klorel was part of you. I think you’ll find he’s different now."
That earned Daniel a brilliant smile. "Really?"
Daniel’s heart sank. This could be big trouble. He had hoped Skaara’s feelings for Jack had been just a crush. "Do you trust me, Skaara?"
"Yes."
"Then believe me when I say you can’t have what you want. These things are not the same on Earth as they are on Abydos." On Abydos it was normal for men to love men. It was even encouraged among the young, experiences of any kind being valued by that culture. The idea of being gay or straight was nonsensical. Skaara couldn’t be expected to understand homophobia, or hate crimes, or laws against sexual activities. They were literally alien to him. Daniel tried to explain, but he knew he was wasting his breath. "Men have been killed on Earth for wanting other men that way. And Jack is in the military. He...he would be punished severely if the two of you were together. Don’t ask him, Skaara. Please."
Skaara stood up straight and looked at Daniel. "What of you, Dan-i-el?"
Daniel answered at once. "I only just lost Sha’re, Skaara. I’m not...not ready for anything...anyone...else." But the words felt like a lie. He had been "ready" for a long time, and he had really lost Sha’re three years before she died. There wasn’t any good reason for him to turn Skaara away now. It would keep Skaara’s head on his shoulders, and keep Jack away from an unpleasant court martial. But that was a lousy reason to make love with someone.
"You once told me," Skaara said, "I should follow my heart."
It was true. But when Daniel said that, he hadn’t been talking about Jack. He sighed. "You’re going to try, no matter what I say, aren’t you?"
"I must."
"Then will you at least let me speak with him first?" Daniel suggested. So I can make sure he won’t break your jaw for suggesting he might be a fag.
Skaara agreed to that, but Daniel wasn’t convinced.
There was no mirror in the room. Daniel lifted Skaara’s hair. "You want some help with this?" he offered. Skaara smiled. Daniel helped him rebraid his hair. He remembered watching Sha’re help Skaara with this and had to swallow a few times. He stood back and nodded with satisfaction. "You’re beautiful," he said. Impulsively, he kissed the younger man, tenderly on his lips. "Ready?"
Skaara was ready. Daniel went ahead into the chamber where Jack and the others were waiting. He watched Skaara greet Jack...the young man’s eyes showed his heart more clearly than any words. Jack gave him a friendly hug and didn’t seem to notice anything more.
Perhaps if Jack hadn’t returned to Abydos Skaara’s feelings would have remained just a kid’s crush; a fond memory and nothing more. But Jack had returned, and Skaara was no longer a child. Daniel realised he was going to have to speak to Jack soon...the only problem was he didn’t have a clue how to broach this particular subject.
***
Daniel did trust the Tok’ra, but it was still a relief when Janet Fraiser finished her examination of Skaara and gave him a clean bill of health. The MRI showed no sign of the Goa’uld, and only minor internal scarring. In fact, Daniel realised when he thought about it, it would be odd if Skaara weren’t healthy: it was in the Goa’uld’s interest to maintain his body in peak condition.
SG-1 had a week’s leave scheduled. Part of that had been taken up by their unexpected trip to Tolana, but there were still three days left. Daniel half-expected the General to cancel those three days too: it often worked out that way after an unplanned mission, but after the debriefing Hammond told them they had earned a few days. He was willing to let Daniel and Jack take those few days on Abydos, but Skaara had asked to stay for a while. He wanted the SGC to have his knowledge of the Goa’uld.
Jack promptly invited Skaara to stay with him and Skaara accepted the invitation eagerly.
Daniel knew he would have to say something soon. As they left the briefing room, he managed to catch the Colonel’s eye. "Jack I need to talk to you. In private."
Jack frowned, glancing at Skaara. "Whatever it is can wait, Daniel."
"Please, Jack."
O’Neill looked at Daniel for a moment, then shrugged. "Is your office private enough?"
Daniel’s office, like everywhere else on the base, was monitored by a security camera. But there was no monitoring of sound. It would be private enough. He nodded and led the way there nervously.
He knew only one way to tell Jack what he had to know, and the truth was he had no idea how the Colonel would react. He didn’t know Jack’s position on this subject: it had never come up. He did know that Jack was basically straight. Combine that with the average military attitude to anything homosexual... Jack was one of Daniel’s best friends, and what Daniel was about to tell him could jeopardise that. He closed the office door behind them both.
"Jack, I have to tell you something. I know I shouldn’t, but..."
Jack, leaning casually against the desk, looked just a little worried. "Daniel..."
"Just let me talk, would you?" Jack fell silent and Daniel took a deep breath. "Okay, I’m just going to say it. " He met Jack’s eyes. "I’m gay, Jack."
Jack had a talent for just shutting down his expression so no one could read his thoughts. He did that as Daniel spoke. He was silent, holding Daniel’s gaze, for what felt like forever. Finally, he took a breath and said, "So what’s new?" He smiled lazily.
Daniel sank down into a chair...and almost missed it. "You knew?"
"I hate to shatter your illusions, Doctor Jackson, but it’s on your personnel file. You didn’t think the Air Force would miss a detail like that, did you?"
"I guess not," Daniel said. He looked up at his friend. "You’re...okay with it?"
"It’s none of my business, Daniel. It doesn’t affect work, and it certainly doesn’t change our friendship." Jack found another chair, reversed it and sat down opposite Daniel, resting his arms across the back of the chair. "So. We’ve been friends for a few years, Danny. Why are you coming out to me now?" The look in his eyes was speculative. "Don’t tell me you and Teal’c finally got it together?"
"M-me and Teal’c?" Daniel was suddenly incredibly glad he was already sitting down. He was having trouble remembering how to breathe.
"You thought I hadn’t noticed? Come on, Daniel. You two are so into each other a blind man could see it. If one of you finally crossed the line, I think it’s great. But..."
Daniel didn’t hear the rest of Jack’s words. Him and Teal’c? Daniel had noticed him, of course he had. The Jaffa had the most stunning body Daniel could imagine. He’d been the star of Daniel’s sexual fantasies for a long time. But Teal’c was also married with a son, and he had never shown any interest in anyone but his wife. At least, not where Daniel could see it! It had never occurred to Daniel that the attraction could be mutual. So into each other a blind man could see it...
Jack was looking at him strangely. "Shit. Did I just put my foot in it again?" He waited for a reply that never came. "This isn’t about Teal’c, is it?"
Daniel, still reeling from the revelation, managed to choke out a no.
"Okay, then. What’s up Daniel? Are you involved with someone else? Don’t worry, I won’t ask who."
Daniel found his voice again. "It’s Skaara."
Jack’s frozen-face act didn’t survive that one.
Daniel went on quickly. "Before you jump to conclusions, I’ve never touched him, Jack. He came on to me a few times while I was living on Abydos. I turned him down. Because of Sha’re and...because I knew it wasn’t me he really wanted."
Daniel took another deep breath. Jack’s face told Daniel that the Colonel was beginning to see where this was going.
"Skaara had a huge crush on you, Jack. He’s held on to that all this time, and he’s not a kid any more. You invited him into your home...he’s going to take that as...well, you know. An invitation."
Jack was doing that no-expression thing again.
"Jack, as far as I’m concerned, you’re both adults and whatever you do, or don’t do, is just between the two of you. I just wanted to warn you so you wouldn’t..."
"Go nuts and break the kid’s head?" Jack suggested wryly. "I’m not that way, Daniel."
"I wasn’t sure how you’d feel. It’s normal to him, Jack. Skaara’s not a virgin with men and he knows what he wants."
Jack stood up, pushing his chair back against the wall. "Message received, Daniel. Thanks for the heads-up."
Daniel watched him leave. He stayed where he was for a few moments. Then, making a decision of his own, he hurried from the room.
***
What right did Daniel have to confuse him like this? Jack kept his eyes on the road as he drove, but it took a massive effort. Damn Daniel Jackson! He’d been fine. He’d been better than fine. He was thrilled Skaara was free: it was the end of a three-year quest he’d begun to believe could have no happy conclusion. Now Daniel had thrown something new into the equation...something not entirely welcome.
He pulled into the driveway and turned off the engine. Twisting in his seat to face Skaara, he smiled. "Here we are."
Skaara pushed at the car door, but it stayed stubbornly closed. He obviously didn’t know how to open it. Jack leaned across and showed him the handle. He was acutely aware of the heat of Skaara’s body, the clean scent of his skin. He pulled back so fast he rammed into the steering wheel. His hand went to his back and he grunted in pain. He would have a lovely bruise to show for that.
He got out of the car and slammed the door. Shit! This was going to be impossible. Skaara hadn’t done or said anything untoward, and already the only thing Jack could think about was...doing things he shouldn’t even be thinking about.
Leading Skaara into the house, Jack told him to make himself at home. "Are you hungry? Thirsty?"
"I am thirsty, O’Neill." Skaara looked around the unfamiliar house.
"Okay. I’ll see what I’ve got in the cooler." Jack headed for the refrigerator. He wanted a beer. A quick examination of the kitchen revealed that beer was pretty much all he had. He might have to go out to the store. The milk was a week old and Skaara was a bit young for beer. At least, by Colorado standards, he was too young. Then Jack remembered "Skaara’s moonshine": the drink he had been served on Abydos. That had packed a hell of a punch, and Skaara and the other kids had drunk it like cola.
He took two bottles of beer from the refrigerator and opened them, handing the first to Skaara before taking a long drink.
Skaara mirrored his action.
"Woah!" Jack stopped him gently. "Skaara, this is beer. You should take it slow. Don’t copy my bad habits. You’ve got plenty of time now to invent your own."
That earned him a mock-salute and a cheeky grin. Jack turned away abruptly.
He remembered a cold night in the Abydonian desert...
***
Jack O’Neill had been dead inside when he first came to this planet, tragedy forming a chain around his heart locked tight with self-hate. He had shut everyone out, his friends and his wife, and he had come to Abydos to die. Until this boy showed up. A scruffy kid with a smile just like Jack’s dead son’s smile. He remembered the boy’s wonder at a small thing like his cigarette lighter, the way his bright eyes had dissolved Jack’s carefully constructed shields. He remembered Skaara tentatively taking one of his cigarettes. Remembered how he had taken a deep drag of his own, knowing the boy would imitate him: and remembered being ashamed of that small cruelty. Watching Skaara choke on the smoke, he had thought of the reason he was here and had known for the first time that he didn’t want these children to die. God, what sort of man had he become, that he could even consider it?
But he had his orders...
And he’d tried to follow them. He’d almost died trying. First Daniel, then Skaara had saved his worthless life. Jack hadn’t considered himself worth saving, but they did. Their actions had changed things for him again, as if it somehow redeemed, or began to redeem, the terrible mistake that had driven him here. They made him wonder if there wasn’t something worth living for.
When Ra’s ship exploded in the sky over Abydos, Jack felt real joy for the first time since the day his son was killed. That night, while the Abydonians celebrated, he had stood out there on the desert sands, gazing up at the sky to the place where that great fireball had been. The bomb had been a nuclear device and the ship hadn’t been quite out of the atmosphere...there could still be some fallout. There was nothing anyone could do about that now, except warn Jackson to keep an eye on people’s health. Though where he’d find help once he was cut off from Earth, Jack didn’t know.
O’Neill hadn’t heard anyone approach him: the sand tended to muffle footsteps. He had no clue anyone was there until he felt a warm hand brush lightly down his spine. He spun around, reaching for his sidearm automatically, expecting to see one of the Abydonian girls. Instead, he’d seen Skaara there.
No, he hadn’t needed Daniel to remind him that Skaara was...interested...in him. The horror of that night on Abydos was Jack had responded to the boy’s touch. And he was a boy. Rather, he was physically a boy, at least in Jack’s perception. The language barrier prevented him asking Skaara’s age, but the kid looked about fifteen. Mentally, though...no boy Jack knew could have acted as Skaara had, organising the Abydonians, planning their rebellion against Ra. Those were the actions of an adult. A resourceful and courageous young man. Jack had found it hard, that night, to remember Skaara was a child.
They had touched only that one time: Jack’s verbal reaction to Skaara’s tentative, if effective, advances had sent him scurrying away. Jack’s body, however, had had other ideas. Starved for intimacy and passion, he had responded to Skaara’s seductive touch instantly. Jack was disgusted with himself. What kind of man has those feelings for a child? A number of words came to mind, none of them labels Jack wanted to wear. How would he feel if a man touched his son the way he wanted to touch Skaara?
O’Neill hadn’t slept that night, and when morning came, he wanted to go home as soon as possible. Put as many light-years as he could between himself and that shameful lust.
***
That was more than four years before.
Jack watched Skaara relaxing on his couch, a bottle of beer in his hand and forced himself to face that truth again. He did desire this young man.
He remembered telling Kawalsky that Skaara reminded him of his son. Well, that had been true at first. The longer he had spent in the boy’s company, though, the harder it became to convince himself his feelings were fatherly.
Oh, god...Jack drained his beer quickly. Skaara wasn’t a child any longer. What he had suffered for three years...Jack remembered what Skaara had told him on Tolana: "Every day I fight him...I listen...I learn..." Courtesy of that bitch Hathor, Jack had one of those snakes in his head for all of ten minutes. It had been the longest ten minutes of his life. He remembered the experience with a shudder, not knowing whether he could have fought it for three days, let alone three years.
Whatever Skaara’s physical appearance, those few words had proved to Jack he was no child. Jack thought of him as a soldier. An equal.
That didn’t make his darkest desires right.
***
Daniel stared at the board in frustration as the black queen took his second knight. The knight joined the neat row of white pieces beside the board. Daniel looked at the game, seeking inspiration. He considered several moves, but when he examined the likely counter to each idea he had, he realised he was trapped. Checkmate in four to seven moves, no matter what he did.
"I should have taught you poker instead," he muttered. "Then again, I suck at poker." But at least there was an element of chance in a card game. He reached out and tipped over the white king, surrendering the game. "You win." He had known it wouldn’t take Teal’c long to master chess...but he’d thought he might win one game.
"It is a most interesting challenge, Daniel Jackson," Teal’c said gravely. Satisfied with his victory, he leaned back into the easy chair.
Daniel looked again at the board, memorising the layout for later reflection. "You must have been a formidable opponent in battle, Teal’c."
Teal’c inclined his head in reply.
"I mean the way you play. If you organise troops with half that skill...you don’t really want to talk about this, do you?"
Teal’c made no verbal reply, but began to gather up the chessmen. It was confirmation enough for Daniel. Teal’c gladly shared the knowledge he had gathered in the years he had served Apophis, but he carried a great deal of guilt from those days, too. After three years of frequently rocky friendship, Daniel was beginning to understand just how much regret Teal’c carried, unspoken.
"More coffee?" Daniel offered.
"That would be pleasant."
Daniel let Teal’c finish putting the chess set away and gathered up the remains of the meal they had shared. He carried the lot into his kitchen and set about making coffee.
He had invited Teal’c to stay in his apartment before Nareem had appeared and summoned them all to Tolana. It was sort of a tradition: Teal’c lived on the base most of the time, but when they got leave he would stay with one of the team. It was nothing to remark on any more. But, for Daniel, Jack’s unthinking revelation had changed the tone of this whole visit. Even so, if Jack had been right about Teal’c’s feelings for him, Daniel had seen no sign of it yet. They had shared a meal and played a game of chess. As friends.
A familiar fantasy rose into Daniel’s mind as he filled the coffee filter: Teal’c wanting him, kissing him, making love with him. It was an image he usually enjoyed. Now, thanks to Jack, the picture had an urgency that was new.
Teal’c followed him into the kitchen. With the coffee pot gurgling behind him, Daniel leaned back against the working surface. "Teal’c...may I ask you a really nosey question?"
He saw the barest hint of a smile touch Teal’c’s lips before the big man answered, "You may."
Daniel’s mouth was dry. "I was wondering...do you miss your wife?"
A raised eyebrow revealed Teal’c’s surprise at the question. "I do not," he answered. "Dray’ac is no longer truly my wife, though we lie for the sake of our son."
"I don’t follow."
"Dray’ac chose another man, Daniel Jackson. Our reconciliation cannot undo that. By the laws of my people, she is the mother of my son, but not my wife."
"Like a divorce," Daniel nodded, understanding. Teal’c had kept that one to himself. "It doesn’t bother you?"
"No longer," Teal’c replied eloquently.
Daniel turned away from Teal’c’s speculative gaze to pour coffee. It seemed like he was the only man he knew who had happily married...and the irony of that was no longer funny. He, a gay man, had found love with a woman he had married literally by accident, while his friends’ marriages failed all around him. He handed a mug of black coffee to Teal’c and their fingers touched briefly as he took it. Daniel felt the small contact as an electric shock. Geez, what’s wrong with me? I feel like a teenager on a first date!
"Why do you ask?" Teal’c enquired.
Daniel drank a gulp of coffee, burning his mouth. "Um...I don’t know, really. I was...ah...thinking...about you..."
"You miss Sha’re."
"No! I mean, yes, I do, of course I do. But that’s not why I asked." It was true. He did miss Sha’re. He always would. But he had long since become accustomed to her absence. If anything, her death made it a little easier, though he would have given anything to have her alive again. "Teal’c, do you still feel guilty about that?"
Teal’c’s hesitation answered the question. "I did not until today," he confessed. "I have always believed that nothing of a Goa’uld host could survive. Major Carter’s experience with Jolinar did not change my mind: the Tok’ra are not the same. Skaara is proof that I was wrong. If Sha’re still lived, the Tolan could save her also." It was a long speech for the Jaffa to make.
Behind the words, Daniel could feel his friend’s pain. He put his coffee mug down and moved closer to Teal’c, resting his hand on the bigger man’s forearm. "Everything you said is true. But it can’t change what happened. It can’t change that you did what you did to save my life, and you didn’t have a choice. You did the right thing, Teal’c."
Teal’c’s black eyes met Daniel’s. "Thank you, Daniel Jackson."
Daniel smiled. "Can you possibly unbend enough to call me just Daniel?" He felt the muscle jump beneath his fingers and withdrew his hand. If he was going to say something, if he was going to act, now was the time. "Do you remember what I told you about Sha’re’s message?"
"I do."
"She knew, Teal’c. She knew you were going to kill her. She begged me to forgive you. That means she forgave, too." He had to turn away to hide the tears that welled up suddenly. The memory of that endless moment was still painful. "It was...difficult for me...to do as she asked." He looked back and saw Teal’c nod slowly. "I only realised today, the hard part wasn’t forgiving what you did. The hard part was accepting that it was what Sha’re wanted. I felt...guilty...for being able to forgive."
Teal’c stood there listening. He made no comment.
"I think it’s because I felt guilty for something else, too." Daniel turned back to his friend, standing close enough to touch him, but not touching. "Our marriage...on Abydos marriages are arranged by families. Love isn’t a factor, and fidelity isn’t really expected. But on Earth marriage means something different. Something I can’t...Sha’re deserved a better husband than me, and I felt bad for that. I couldn’t help...wanting...well, something different."
Teal’c was taking in every word, but still he said nothing.
"I think what I’m trying to say...god...I don’t want to risk offending you, Teal’c, but I really need to tell you this. Just, promise me if it’s a problem you’ll forget it, okay?"
Teal’c tilted his head slightly to one side. "Can your people command memory? I cannot."
Daniel sighed. "I guess not." He was shaking inside, almost ready to abandon the idea.
"What did you wish to say, Daniel?" Teal’c urged gently.
Daniel drew a deep, shaky breath. Okay...here goes. "Um..." he stumbled over the confession, then looked up into his friend’s trusting eyes. Words rose to his lips with sudden confidence. "I want to kiss you, Teal’c. May I kiss you?"
"You may," Teal’c rumbled, without hesitation or evidence of surprise.
For maybe a tenth of a second, Daniel resented that. But only for that long. Then Daniel seized the moment. He reached up as Teal’c leaned toward him. His fingers brushed the bigger man’s cheek, then trailed across his bald head to the back of his neck. He lifted his face and covered Teal’c’s lips with his own.
Time stopped.
Daniel had known those lips would be soft, but this... The Jaffa’s skin was warm, his natural body-temperature just a little higher than Daniel’s. His lips were full and mobile and, yes, so soft. A moan of longing escaped Daniel as he probed tentatively with his tongue.
Both men had forgotten the mug of hot coffee Teal’c was still holding, between their bodies. As their tongues touched for the first time, Daniel tried to close the distance between them. The movement knocked the mug from Teal’c’s hand and they sprang apart as scalding liquid drenched them both.
"Ow!" Daniel yelled. Hot coffee soaked into his clothing. Automatically, he stripped off his shirt, getting the heat away from his skin.
"Are you hurt?" Teal’c asked him with concern.
Daniel shook his head. "Only my pride." He looked up at Teal’c: coffee stained the front of his white T-shirt and suddenly Daniel started to laugh.
A look asked him to explain.
"I was just thinking," he explained through his laughter, "...I sure hope Junior likes coffee, ‘cause he just got a bath in it!"
***
Jack emerged from the bathroom zipping up his fly and headed back into his living room. There was no sign of Skaara. A little concerned, he called out his name. There was no reply. Then Jack saw the rear door was open. Skaara was outside, looking up at the stars.
"Looking for home?" Jack asked him.
"It is very far."
"Yes, it is." Jack looked up. It was a clear night. "How would you like to take a closer look?" Even as he made the offer, Jack realised it was stupid. Skaara had spent the last three years among the stars.
But Skaara responded with surprising enthusiasm.
Jack’s telescope was already set up on the roof: he just had to get the ladder out of the garage. Once up there, he showed Skaara how the ‘scope worked. It took a few attempts for him to understand it (he didn’t seem to get the concept of seeing better with one eye closed), but when he did he was fascinated. Jack, relaxing for the first time that evening, started to give him a potted astronomy lesson. They stayed there on the roof, talking about the stars and the planets like old friends for over an hour before Jack realised how close they were sitting. Skaara sat on the stool nearest the telescope. Jack was right behind him, leaning close enough to feel the warmth of his body. The moment he became aware of it he started to feel uncomfortable again.
"I don’t understand, O’Neill. Your people have mastered the Chappa-ai, you are able to travel to many other solar systems, yet you have not explored your own."
Jack conceded silently that Skaara had a point. "Well, we’ve explored a little bit..." he began lamely. "We don’t really have the technology yet. The Stargate is great, but we didn’t build it. Took something like eight years to figure out how it works, too."
"They don’t know how you were able to defeat them."
Jack shrugged, remembering how close Earth had come to Armageddon, how he’d felt when the ships in orbit exploded taking, he had believed on that day, Apophis, Klorel and Daniel with them. "I hate to admit it, but I think it was just dumb luck."
Skaara shook his head. "It wasn’t luck that defeated Klorel, O’Neill."
Something in the young man’s voice... "It’s okay, Skaara. He’s gone." Skaara’s eyes met Jack’s uncertainly. Jack held those eyes, trying to reassure. "It was almost me. I can’t tell you how much I admire you for surviving."
"Almost you?" Skaara frowned.
"The snake-in-the-head thing. Hathor tried to do it to me. The Tok’ra saved me before...well, you know." The memory still made him shudder.
Skaara made no answer in words. But his hand was suddenly sliding sensuously up Jack’s spine. Jack shivered, and not with cold. "Skaara," he warned.
"I am not a child, O’Neill," the young man said softly.
"No, you’re not a child. But I’m still old enough to be your father." Jack cursed the tremor in his voice. And the beginnings of a hard-on.
"Why does that matter?"
Jack didn’t have a chance to reply. Skaara moved toward him. He gave Jack every chance to move away, to refuse again, but Jack felt rooted in place. When Skaara’s mouth covered his, Jack couldn’t help but respond. Any doubts he had about Skaara’s age or experience vanished. The young man’s kiss was not that of a teenager. He was confident, and sure of his ability to arouse.
Jack felt his flesh heat and instinctively reached for the slender body, taking Skaara into his arms as they kissed. He knew the gesture implied consent...and the humour of the situation suddenly struck him and he had to break away from the kiss to laugh. He was more than twice Skaara’s age, and the kid was seducing him as if he was a virgin!
"Why are you laughing?" Skaara asked him.
Jack got himself under control. "It’s nothing. I’m laughing at me." Skaara looked a little hurt, and Jack caught his hands and pulled him close. "I think, if we’re going to continue this, it should be inside."
To his surprise, Skaara held back. "Dan-i-el told me, this is forbidden in your world."
Wondering how much "Dan-i-el" had said, Jack wasn’t sure how to respond. Skaara deserved total honesty from him.
"It’s forbidden for me, that’s true. But rules are made to be broken, aren’t they?" He kissed Skaara again, lightly on his lips. "There’s something you need to understand, though. I can’t...be a lover to you. I mean, this is for tonight, maybe tomorrow and the day after, but soon you’ll be going home to Abydos. I can’t go with you." God, it hurt so much to say that.
Skaara’s only answer was a kiss. It was answer enough.
***
His lips and tongue tracing patterns on the dark skin, Daniel could taste the faint residue of spilled coffee. His tongue polished the hardening nub of one dark nipple, and he delighted in the sound of Teal’c’s sigh. Eventually abandoning his torment of the nipple, he let his kisses travel lower. He avoided the X-shaped entrance to the Jaffa’s womb, not because it bothered him, but because he didn’t know if that part of him would be sensitive to pleasure. Later, he reminded himself, he would have to ask, but he didn’t want to risk breaking the mood right now. Instead, his tongue thrust into Teal’c’s navel, mimicking the more intimate penetration he planned for later, and then traced the firm curves of his stomach muscles.
Daniel was in heaven. He had fantasised about this so often...surreptitiously watching Teal’c’s perfect body in their communal shower...longing to touch, but held back by loyalty to his lost wife, or fear of causing offence...to be allowed, tonight, to do all the things he had dreamed was magical. He could see and feel Teal’c’s erection, a short distance from his mouth, clearly outlined beneath the thin material of his trousers. He eased his hand from Teal’c’s grip and began to undo the buttons.
Teal’c stopped him, gently lifting Daniel’s hands away from him. "You truly wish this?" he asked, and Daniel was confused by the uncertainty in his voice.
"I do," he insisted.
"Daniel, you must know, I am not of your species. I am...different."
The mood was gone. Daniel rolled over and sat up on the bed. "It doesn’t matter, Teal’c," he tried to reassure his friend. "I’ve seen you naked in the shower. I do know you’re a Jaffa, but..." he rested his palm on Teal’c’s womb "...other than this, you seem human to me."
"I am not," he disagreed. "Doctor Fraiser has questioned me about the sexual behaviour of my people and I believe she was...surprised...by my answers."
I’ll bet she was! Daniel thought with unexpected hilarity. Janet was one hundred percent professional, but she had a normal human curiosity, too.
Daniel did take Teal’c’s words seriously, however. "We’re different, I know that. I’m looking forward to discovering some of those differences. Teal’c, I want you. Let’s just...um...do what comes naturally, okay? If there’s a problem, trust me to say so. I trust you."
"Very well," Teal’c said. He guided Daniel’s hand to his trousers again. With a smile, Daniel resumed his efforts to get his friend naked. He was thrilled to discover one detail that made the task lots easier: Teal’c didn’t wear any underwear. He tugged at the waistband of the trousers, and Teal’c lifted himself up to allow Daniel to remove them. His erection sprang free.
Daniel stripped off what was left of his own clothing quickly and, naked, lay back on the bed with his soon-to-be lover. He leaned over Teal’c’s body, resuming his journey of kisses down his stomach. He traced the hard abs, and let his kisses roam lower still, over the hip and to his thigh, lightly furred with hair. He sought the softer flesh of his inner thigh and, bored with kissing, bit down gently on that tender spot. The scent of Teal’c’s arousal filled the air around Daniel. Teal’c didn’t smell human: in fact, the scent was wonderful. Daniel buried his face in the crease where thigh met hip, breathing deeply of that intoxicating scent.
His eyes opened and he saw Teal’c’s engorged cock. The organ looked human enough, larger than average, but not so much as to make Daniel feel inadequate, hard as steel and thickly veined. The Jaffa’s foreskin was drawn back to reveal darker flesh beneath, flesh that shone with the fluid leaking slowly from the tip. Oh, it was far too tempting to resist! Daniel wrapped his hands around the thick shaft, guiding the weeping head into his mouth. He heard Teal’c gasp something in his own language as he began to suck. Daniel hesitated for the second it took him to translate the compliment. Then, with a delighted grin, he began to lick Teal’c’s hard cock, long, circular strokes, like enjoying an ice cream.
***
Feeling the warm mouth engulf him, Jack groaned Skaara’s name. The young man stopped, glanced up briefly, then resumed his skilful torture of Jack’s body. His mouth caressed Jack’s cock, stimulating, teasing, but never enough for Jack to come.
Abruptly, the frustrating caresses stopped. "Turn over," Skaara instructed, his quiet voice softening the command into a plea.
Jack, unsure what to anticipate, obeyed. He was completely relaxed, trusting. Happy to be whatever his young lover needed. Skaara’s hands parted Jack’s buttocks and he brushed the older man’s anus with one teasing fingertip...but that was all. The youth raised himself up and straddled Jack’s thighs, forcing them together. He leaned over and began exploring the expanse of flesh before him with his tongue...only his tongue, his thick hair spilling over Jack’s skin as he moved. He started in the small of his back, leaving trails of saliva everywhere, which made Jack’s skin prickle in the cool air. Higher, licking a path up his spine, lingering at each vertebrae. Clever hands stroking, then kneading the muscles of Jack’s shoulders. Gentle fingers brushing aside Jack’s hair as Skaara bent to kiss his neck...
Jack felt the change of mood in the sudden tension of Skaara’s thighs on his. The caresses stopped. Confused, Jack waited, forcing himself to remain still, trusting Skaara.
The young man’s fingers touched the back of his neck, but this was no lover’s caress. "O’Neill...?"
The tremor of fear in Skaara’s voice triggered comprehension. Shit, how could he have forgotten that? Jack still bore a scar from their last encounter with Hathor. A mark that Skaara was sure to recognise as exactly what it was: a Goa’uld entry wound. No wonder he was spooked.
Jack tried to turn over to face him but couldn’t. Skaara had to move first. When he did, Jack sat up quickly, reaching for Skaara. The youth was pale, his eyes afraid. "Skaara, it’s okay," he murmured, not quite sure that it was.
"You were a h-host?"
"No...sort of. Hathor chose me, but the Tok’ra killed the snake before it could take over. I told you that, remember?"
Skaara nodded. "I did not understand."
Jack lifted his young lover’s chin and kissed him, slow and sweet. "Skaara, I’m real. I’m me. We’ll swap lifestories in the morning, okay?" His hands roamed Skaara’s slim body. God, the kid was stunning! Jack couldn’t stop touching him...and didn’t want to. Skaara’s skin was smooth and warm beneath his hands. The young man leaned into Jack’s touch, but his eyes were still troubled.
"We can stop if you want to," Jack offered. Don’t ask me to stop. Please don’t ask me to stop!
Skaara’s answer was to lift his face for another kiss. Jack responded gladly, pressing his body against his lover’s. His cock slid in the sweat that coated Skaara’s stomach and he growled into his mouth, his desire becoming urgent. He gripped his lover’s ass with eager hands. "Skaara, I want you. I want you now." He slid a finger between Skaara’s ass-cheeks rubbing the puckered hole gently. Skaara moaned. Jack brought his fingers to Skaara’s mouth and found them immediately seized and licked and sucked. He guessed the kid liked oral, filing that piece of information away for later exploration. He certainly had the most talented mouth Jack could remember encountering. He could imagine thrusting into that warm, moist cavern until he came...maybe later.
He withdrew his fingers reluctantly and Skaara rolled over at once, scrambling to his knees and presenting his ass to Jack. Jack groaned deep in his throat. He was trying to stay in control, to be a considerate lover. His past sexual encounters with men had been brief and impersonal: taking advantage of a willing fuck on lonely nights far from home. A soldier’s life. This - making love to a man he cared about and wanted to please - was a new experience for him. He wanted to get it right. The sight of Skaara’s obviously willing ass was too tempting. He pushed a saliva-wet finger inside, feeling the tight muscle yield to his touch. Both men gasped at once: Skaara in pleasure, Jack in pleased anticipation. Skaara’s anus was tight, but god! So hot inside. Jack’s free hand strayed to his cock as he imagined being inside all that heat.
***
Teal’c’s finger, slick with lube, pressed into the secret opening and Daniel pushed back trying to draw him deeper. He felt light-headed...it must be the blood draining out of his brain and rushing to his cock. He managed to form the shape of Teal’c’s name, but never knew whether there was sound as well. His flesh was prickling, hot. There was a tension building inside him way too fast. Oh, god! Teal’c, now, you’ve gotta take me now!
Daniel groped for the Jaffa’s hand. Teal’c was still working his fingers into Daniel...two of them now, moving gently inside him. Slowly, carefully preparing him. And Daniel was going crazy from it! His heart was beating against his ribcage like a caged bird trying to fly. His breath came in short gasps. What he was feeling was impossible, his climax building and building and building, far beyond the limits of human pleasure. Yet he didn’t - couldn’t - come.
Finally Teal’c withdrew the tormenting fingers and Daniel almost wept with the loss. He heard Teal’c’s voice... "My beloved..." as his lover finally entered him, stretching his tight passage still further, pain overshadowed by the relief of pleasure. Daniel heard his own voice, sobbing incoherently as Teal’c slid home. So much of him, so deep inside...and he withdrew, just as slowly, then thrust hard, deeply.
The thrust sent Daniel flying over the edge and he climaxed, wave after shuddering wave and a silent scream of joy.
***
Skaara’s tight ass surrounded Jack’s cock, the youth’s muscles drawing him deep inside. The sensation was too much, and Jack’s control broke. He thrust wildly into that welcoming heat.
Near to climax, he reached around Skaara’s body, needing to make him come, too. He found his fingers entwining with Skaara’s questing hand, their joined palms forming a slick tunnel around Skaara’s cock. Jack heard Skaara almost scream as the hard organ pulsed in their hands. Jack gasped as his lover’s body convulsed with orgasm, tightening gloriously around his cock, holding his own climax back for a moment, then two...and he could hold out no longer, emptying himself into the young man’s body.
Jack collapsed on top of his lover. The long-delayed orgasm had exhausted him, and Jack no longer had the boundless staying power of the young. Afraid of crushing Skaara, he managed to roll onto his back, his now-soft cock sliding free as he pulled the youth into his arms. Skaara snuggled close, an unexpected gesture of trust.
The last thing Jack remembered before he passed out was those sweet lips once again seeking his.
***
Daniel woke slowly, keeping his eyes closed against the morning light. He felt...hung over. But he hadn’t been drinking, had he? He noticed, then, the warmth of a body next to him in the bed. The room smelled of sex.
He opened his eyes and saw Teal’c sleeping beside him. The memory of the previous night returned in a rush. He felt a soft implosion of love in his chest, filling his sight with Teal’c.
That was the moment when insecurity crept back in...he had no idea how Teal’c might have seen their encounter. They had spoken of Teal’c’s marriage, but not of his feelings. For all Daniel knew, this had been a one night stand to him.
A pretty fucking fantastic one night stand! It was true. Daniel had never felt like that before. It was more than sex. It was... More...
His eyes flew open and suddenly he was wide awake. It had been more. Daniel had lost himself in passion before, but never like that. Last night had been like...like a trip. He remembered Teal’c trying to tell him that there were differences between them, physiologically. He remembered the scent and taste of the Jaffa’s arousal, and felt his own cock swell at the reminder.
It might be interesting to talk with Janet about this. Daniel knew she could be trusted to keep the information to herself. Was it possible Teal’c’s physiology included some sort of built-in aphrodisiac? Not that Daniel had needed it, but...wow!
He was still pondering the possible implications of that one when Teal’c began to stir. Before he had a chance to open his eyes, Daniel leaned over and kissed him. Teal’c pulled him close very firmly and Daniel opened his mouth to accept Teal’c’s tongue. Teal’c rolled over to cover Daniel’s body. Daniel’s erection pushed against the Jaffa’s belly.
Teal’c drew away, breaking the kiss. He looked down at Daniel, not speaking.
Daniel met his eyes, instinctively knowing what was needed. "It wasn’t casual sex, Teal’c. I love you. I have for a long time...I was just...scared, I guess."
"Why are you afraid of me?"
"I’m not." His fingers trailed lightly across his lover’s soft lips. "I was afraid of...consequences." He traced the shape of the gold tattoo on Teal’c’s forehead.
"Yet you accept them now."
"I do...if you love me."
Teal’c’s arms tightened around Daniel, crushing their bodies together. It was answer enough for Daniel. He knew he didn’t need to hear the words.
***
Mother Nature could be a real bitch, Jack thought irritably, as his painfully full bladder forced him from his lover’s side. He carefully extracted himself from Skaara’s arms: the young man was still sleeping. He pulled on a robe and headed for the bathroom. He sighed with relief as the pressure on his bladder eased. Washing his hands, he studied his reflection in the mirror. He wasn’t unhappy with what he saw. Going grey, a bit, but he looked okay for his age.
Since last night, he was feeling a hell of a lot younger.
Jack walked back to his bedroom. Standing in the doorway he hesitated, then stayed there, watching Skaara sleep. He looked very young...but this morning the thought summoned no shame in Jack. He hadn’t taken advantage of a child last night. He had accepted the ift of a remarkable young man. A young man he loved. And who, he had known last night, couldn’t possibly stay.
If only he could... After all, Skaara would be safer on Earth than he would be on Abydos, where the Goa’uld could show up at any moment. He would be able to make a life here. Go to school, maybe, or find a place at the SGC. Jack nodded to himself. They could talk about it when Skaara woke.
But then Jack remembered his lover’s words on Tolana: "On Abydos I would have married...had children...grown old...the Goa’uld stole my life."
He swallowed.
I can’t do it, Skaara. I have a feeling if I asked, you’d stay. But I won’t steal your life...my love.
As he watched, grieving, Skaara woke. The young man pushed his hair out of his face as he raised his head and saw Jack watching him. He gave Jack a heartbreakingly brilliant smile. "O’Neill!"
Jack returned the smile. "Good morning." His robe fell to the floor as he returned to the bed. They would just have to make the most of what time they had.