Chapter Text
Zoro. That was the only thought that permeated Sanji’s mind that night. He knew he was drunk. He felt the way the earth was slipping from under him, how the faces of his friends suddenly blurred. By god, how he wished he could just crawl into the green-haired god’s lap and show him just how much he really wanted him all this time.
‘No, you can’t. Not with Zoro.’ His mind tried to tell him. Sanji ignored it. He had held back for far too long. He had spent months dreaming of the green-haired man’s mouth on his while he was buried deep inside of him. He wanted to know what it felt like to be possessed by a man like Zoro. He needed it.
‘Sanji, this is part of the reason you stopped getting this drunk all the time’ his mind told him. His body told him otherwise. As he watched Zoro walk away from him on the top deck of the Sunny, his cock twitched. God damnit. He shouldn’t even be thinking about this right now. He couldn’t do it anymore.
‘Fuck it’ he thought as he downed the bottle of wine in his hand. He tossed it aside onto the deck and went to find the swordsman. He would show Zoro what he had been missing out on all this time.
-
Alcohol was great. It was amazing. It helped him many times throughout his life. Sanji has spent his childhood locked up and ridiculed by his father and siblings. But Sanji had begun to heal the scars that his family had left. Luffy had made sure of that. After his captain dismantled the authority his father and siblings had over him, Sanji could now sometimes sleep soundly at night. It wasn’t a regular occurrence, but it happened now. He was free now, according to Luffy. Despite what his captain claimed, Sanji knew the ghosts would haunt him forever.
After the events of Whole Cake Island, Sanji began to make a conscious effort to not drink his problems away every day. That didn’t mean he wasn’t still having a glass of wine or two with dinner, it just meant he wasn’t having a bottle or two a night just to sleep.
He also realized that after two occasions of drinking past his casual limit, all he could think about was how much he wanted to drag Zoro away and beg him to fuck him. He had to hold back. This overwhelming desire to sleep with his rival was his dark secret to keep. He stopped getting wasted after the second time when he almost crawled into Zoro’s bunk with him. Since then, he had done well. No one knew about his feelings, especially not Zoro.
Well, not until this fateful evening after the jaw-dropping events of Wano. On that evening, he lost himself in the bottle for the first time in a long time.
Wano Country. The events that occurred there had changed the trajectory of both the world and their crew more than anything other series of events in the journey thus far. Luffy became an Emperor of the Sea. Zoro became the King of Hell. Jinbei went from previous Warlord turned Strawhat. They had all accomplished so much in the previously isolated land, including Sanji.
After taking down Queen, Sanji understood that while he may not ever live up to Luffy and Zoro’s insane legacies, he was still an invaluable member of their crew. But it wasn’t enough. He didn’t really amount to anything even after Wano. His bounty was the fourth highest but still lower than Jinbei’s.
He didn’t hate the Fishman for being better than him, in fact, he respected Jinbei immensely. The elder was a great man of virtue despite a checkered past. All the straw hats were like that. He fit right in. He stood by Luffy’s side when the rest of the crew could not and protected him with his life. He was worthy of being one of them.
It was just that now he felt worthless under the gaze of the public and his crew the moment their battles were complete and bounties were released. It didn’t help that Zoro would never let him live down his moniker of ‘Fourth Place’.
It wasn’t necessarily about strength alone. Nami, Usopp, and Chopper constantly lamented about how they felt weak when compared to Luffy, Sanji, and Zoro. But that was the problem. Sanji was strong, yet he was still so fucking irrelevant and weak that he couldn’t overcome Jinbei in the bounty rankings. The only thing that made him worthy was the fact he could make some fucking food.
During their time in Whole Cake Island, Luffy had tried to make Sanji feel seen and understood. The problem was, Sanji never really saw himself in the way Luffy was trying to show him. He felt that if he could not overcome every obstacle in his captain’s path, he was useless. And he sure as hell wasn’t overcoming Big Mom and Kaido. He learned that real quick in Wano.
-
The party they were having on this night was separate from the ones they had on Wano with their alliance members and the newly freed citizens. That one was a blast. He was sure the laughter, tears, and thanks could be heard all the way in the North Blue. They had parted ways and set sail for their next destination. This party was just the Strawhats. The nine of them on the sea.
After the feast that Sanji spent the day preparing was finished, the crew lounged around the dining room as the liquor flowed between them. Luffy was the center of attention as always, dying of laughter at one of Brook’s stupid skeleton jokes. Usopp and Chopper were freaking out at a new invention that Franky was explaining. Nami and Jinbei discussed their route to the next island. Robin sat at the head of the table with a small smile on her face as she watched her found family.
Sanji had just finished tidying up his kitchen, drying his hands with a towel before sitting down at the bar. He poured himself another glass of wine and downed it with a gulp. He needed to rid himself of his doubts. Then another. And another.
Sanji had class. He wasn’t like Zoro who only drank sake or beer, he enjoyed wine. Sanji loved the fermented alcohol and appreciated how much care went into producing exactly the right grapes that would lead to a beautiful glass of wine. But even the beautiful drink of wine could be used and abused. He had proved that many a time.
He drank until he didn’t feel worthless anymore. He missed his father. His friends surrounded him and laughed boisterously arms around each other as they began to get progressively more intoxicated. Brook had broken out his guitar and Chopper was now on the table dancing. There was nothing wrong with this evening. They ate his food. Luffy praised him on how amazing his cooking was. Everyone was so happy. It didn’t matter. Even though he was surrounded by those closest to him, Sanji felt so very alone.
“Sanji! Come over here and have some fun!” Luffy yelled over the sounds of Usopp and Chopper’s cackles.
“Yeah, in a minute Luffy. I’m going out for a smoke,” he replied somberly. He grabbed a bottle from the island and slipped out the door while Luffy was once again distracted.
The cool night breeze of the sea hit him as he made his way to the upper deck. The echoes of his friends could be heard from below.
“Cook. You okay?” a voice suddenly spoke at his side. His heart leaped out of his chest. He hadn’t heard the green-haired man approach. Maybe the alcohol dulled his senses. Or maybe Zoro was just good at disguising his presence.
“What the hell, where’d you come from?” he yelled crankily as he lit up another cigarette.
“I was here the whole time. You just didn’t notice.” Zoro spoke in his irritately calm voice. The swordsman leaned onto the railing and took a sip of his usual sake which seemed to be in his hands more often than usual.
Zoro drank a lot. The most out of the Strawhats. He was a tank when it came to alcohol. Nami had once asked why he drank so much out of curiosity Zoro simply replied that alcohol tolerance was just a part of being a proud swordsman. Something about beating your opponent in anything. Sanji hadn’t cared enough to listen further. That was a long time ago. Nowadays, Sanji had an inkling that maybe Zoro drank so much for other reasons.
Sanji didn’t answer Zoro immediately. He stood there quietly as he stared up at the twinkling stars. Why was he even here? He should be inside with the others celebrating the victory that he was a big part of. Instead, he was here asking Sanji if he was okay.
“What’s your deal today?” Zoro questioned. His arm came down to rest next to Sanji’s. Even through his jacket, Sanji’s skin prickled at the feeling of Zoro’s skin remotely close to his. He cursed his own body for betraying him.
“What the fuck do you mean what’s my deal? I’m not allowed to get some fresh air?” Sanji snapped. Why did this guy have to be so observant? He wasn’t that obvious, right? Zoro wasn’t in the kitchen with them so there was no way he saw how much Sanji was drinking or that he wasn’t interacting with the rest of the crew. How did he know that Sanji was doubting himself and his strength?
“Something just seems off with you since we left Wano,” Zoro explained. Zoro was looking at him, he could feel his gaze at his side. He didn’t meet his gaze. He couldn’t look into his eyes. He didn’t want to like what he found there, the concern for him.
“I’m fine. Just leave me the fuck alone marimo,” he slurred through gritted teeth. What he really wanted to do was throw himself into the swordsman’s arms and ask him why the fuck he was so weak. What his purpose was. He wanted him to ask his first mate to help him make the pain go away. But he didn’t. He just pushed him away. Because this was how it needed to be.
“Whatever. Suit yourself. Sorry for caring,” Zoro muttered as he sulked away. Sanji watched him walk away. He wanted to ask him to come back. He didn’t. Even when he was gone, Sanji’s mind was filled with thoughts of the swordsman.
There were many sides to Zoro. The one tonight was the concerned Zoro who was aware of the feelings of those around him.
Zoro didn’t show this side of him often but Sanji had seen it with the other crew members. In the middle of the night when Chopper had a bad dream and asked to sleep with him. He would agree and sometimes Sanji would wake up to find the tiny reindeer curled up on the large swordsman’s chest. When Nami was frustrated with something and throwing things around in anger, Zoro would quietly press a hand to her shoulder and tell her to take a deep breath. When Usopp was freaking out about them being attached and Zoro calmly tell him to stop because he was here and would protect them no matter what.
Then there was the Zoro when he was around Luffy. He was the first mate, the dutiful and powerful one. When Zoro was this version of himself, no one remembered that he got lost every time he left the Sunny. This Zoro was the King of Hell. He was Luffy’s guardian who would destroy anyone in his path for their strong but kind-hearted captain.
No cell in Sanji’s body believed that Zoro would not die for Luffy. But he didn’t envy the simple-minded raven-hair man for this. He too was a slave to Luffy. He would die if given the command. Sanji vowed his heart and soul to Luffy. The captain vowed the same. He proved this at Whole Cake Island. Sanji’s heart broke every time he recalled it, but he knew Luffy would die before he betrayed him.
Luffy was the center of their crew, their leader, the one they all looked up to. But Zoro was the glue. He quietly held them together. Somewhere along the line Sanji realized this and began to admire Zoro. He slowly began to kind of like him when he looked beyond the stubborn personality and his often time irrational decision-making, especially when it came to their captain.
Once Sanji eventually saw these parts of Zoro, he realized that maybe he wasn’t so bad after all. Only then did he begin to see all of the small things the swordsman did for him. How he would wordlessly help clean up the kitchen for Sanji when he thought no one was watching. When he showed up after a shopping trip with Nami holding a pack of cigarettes that he wordlessly tossed to Sanji. The way he savored everything Sanji made even though he would complain about it. How although they fought constantly, the swordsman held back just enough to never actually harm him.
One afternoon, Sanji passed out in the aquarium room and woke up to a blanket covering him. He looked around him curiously to see who may have put it there and found Robin who was sitting there reading a book. How kind of her. He opened his mouth to thank her but she saw his intentions. “Zoro,” she said simply. Sanji’s heart skipped a beat at the idea of Zoro walking in and seeing him dead asleep and going through the effort of finding and bringing him a blanket.
Another evening, he woke up in the men’s bunks on the floor face to face with the green-haired man as he snored softly. That particular event was the time he realized that he thought Zoro was attractive for the first time. With his eyes shut, and his lips slightly parted, his face which was usually serious was now relaxed and angelic. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen Zoro sleep before. That was basically all he did besides train. But on that night in the moonlight, he felt like he was seeing his crew mate for the first time.
He wasn’t blind. He had seen Zoro’s body for years. Their crew bathed together after all (on the rare occasions Luffy and Zoro decided to bathe). It also didn’t help that Zoro spent all day swinging his swords and lifting weights without a shirt on. He was shredded. His abs were carved from granite and his arms were large and strong. Sanji knew a good male specimen when he saw one. Zoro was absolutely one of them.
It wasn’t until their two-year separation that Sanji finally accepted that he liked Zoro as both a person and as a man to be desired. That time in the Kamabakka Kingdom was like Sanji’s living hell. He fought the masters while evading the Okama trying to convert him. However, it gave him a lot of time to think. Being away from Zoro and the rest of the crew made him realize how much he truly valued his relationships with the people he had grown to see as family. He felt empty without them. The nights were too quiet without Zoro’s snores above him.
During this time he began to dream of the green-haired swordsman and events that transpired over their time together. They were innocent at first. Just Zoro’s gentle face as he slept on the deck of the sunny, arms wrapped around his swords. The determination in his eyes as he trained, the desire to become the best emanating off of him.
He dreamed of the first time they met, of the way, Mihawk showed him who he needed to defeat to become the World’s Greatest Swordsman. The grit in him when he allowed the swordsman to slash him in the front because he wouldn’t run away. He thought the man was as fool at the time. What an idiot. He should know that he could never beat someone like Mihawk. He had thought. He was disappointed in his younger self for not admiring Zoro for his perseverance in the face of defeat.
Another was about Thriller Bark after Kuma had brutally beaten them to the point Sanji fell unconscious. When he awoke, he found Luffy relatively unscathed despite the fact his body should have been destroyed. Zoro was nowhere to be found. He desperately searched for him, and discovered him amidst the rubble, bleeding from head to toe, half-dead, and surrounded by enough blood to kill a man. When he asked the swordsman what happened he choked out ‘Nothing happened’. The look on his face would likely stick with Sanji forever.
Sanji wasn’t stupid. He knew something happened. He put two and two together: Zoro had saved Luffy. He didn’t know how or when, but he did. While Luffy was rolling around cackling about how great his body felt, Zoro was standing on death’s door for him. It was the first time Sanji realized that the swordsman really would die for his captain. When Sanji was useless, Zoro saved them all. As much as he hated himself for not being able to do anything, he admired Zoro’s strength and devotion.
Zoro was invincible. He could stand up to warlords. He could conquer the world. Sanji had no doubt he would fulfill his dream.
The events of their second visit to Sabaody right before their separation had shattered this perception, however. As he fought by the swordsman’s side, facing Kizaru and Kuma again, he realized that Zoro was not invincible. When they were within inches of their lives, Sanji watched in horror as Kuma blew them all away. They lost. He lost. Luffy lost. Zoro loft. The swordsman was no longer the god that Sanji had made him out to be.
Zoro must have acknowledged this as well. There was no way he would have asked Mihawk, to train him if he had not. Sanji lay awake at night during those two years wondering how Zoro was doing. If he beat himself up every day at the fact he could not save them just like Sanji did. He had hoped they would see each other again so he could find out. He had faith they would. After all, Zoro would never give up.
When they reunited, Sanji found that Zoro had changed. They all had of course, but the swordsman was more pronounced to him at least than some of the others. Zoro was always quiet. Now, he was even more withdrawn. He rarely smiled. He didn’t laugh as much. Luffy seemed like the only person who could draw the bellowing sounds out of his chest. Sanji caught him stealing sake almost every night. At one point, he pretended not to notice. He knew what it was like to feel like you needed to drink to stop hurting.
He became closer to their captain than ever before. He was like a guard dog, constantly aware of Luffy’s presence or lack thereof. He always let their captain stand on his own though, after all, Luffy valued freedom over everything and he was the strongest among them. But Sanji could see his teeth gritting as he resisted stepping into battle every time someone came to harm Luffy.
The ball of sunshine that was Luffy didn’t mind of course. He took every opportunity he could to wrap himself around the green-haired man and profess that Zoro would indeed be the strongest ever. He believed in him. They both believed in each other. Sanji found himself being slightly envious of this shared camaraderie. No one treated him like that.
Zoro’s personality wasn’t the only thing that changed. If Sanji had thought he was a large man before, he was mistaken. The first thing he noticed when he saw Zoro again was that he was shredded . His muscles had muscles. His arms were the size of Sanji’s torso now. He also sported a new scar over his left eye which remained shut. Sanji had no idea what happened to the eye and Zoro never shared the story. Mihawk must have put him through some shit in those two years.
It was staggering just how much his body had developed. Sanji couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to run his hand along the crevices of his abdomen. To see if anything else had grown under his robes.
The lewd thought startled him. Sanji admired beauty. He swooned over anything or anyone glamorous and lovely. Women captivated him. They lulled him in with their allure. Although he acknowledged Zoro as a handsome and well-formed man, he never saw him as an object of desire.
Ever since they reunited, he found himself watching Zoro unconsciously. Sometimes Zoro would catch him. It would generally go like this:
‘What the hell are you looking at you shitty swordsman?” Sanji would snap once their eyes met.
“You were looking at me first you stupid cook!” Zoro would snap back and they would start fighting both verbally and physically. Zoro was right obviously, Sanji was the one staring. But he could never admit that.
On the outside, it appeared as if nothing had changed between them. It hadn’t really. But on the inside, Sanji was dying . He had always been a lustful man. He loved sex. He loved the feeling of hands on his body, stroking his cock, sinking himself deep into someone, and the wholeness he felt when they thrust into him needily. His years on the Baratie had led him to many encounters with beautiful people. Most of them were women. Some of them were men. He didn’t care. Sanji just yearned for the release that sex provided.
The time on Merry and Sunny had taught him to live without sex. As much as he lusted after Nami and Robin and their beautiful bodies, they had drawn the lines with him from the very beginning. They had become more like sisters whom he wanted to protect than romantic prospects to conquer.
So he dealt with the horniness that built up inside him by jerking off whenever he could. It was hard to find time alone on the Sunny. He shared the men’s quarters with Luffy, Zoro, Franky, Brook, and now Jinbei. Chopper sometimes slept with them but mostly savored the comfort of the women’s quarters. Lucky little bastard. Sanji often found himself relieving himself in the bathroom or the shower late at night when no one was around.
The two years spent with Ivankov and his band of crazies had given Sanji even fewer opportunities to enjoy the throes of lust with another or himeslf. He was too busy running for his life and worrying about getting stronger to think about it too often.
So now, here he was every day being taunted by Zoro’s house of a naked torso at every turn, dripping with sweat as he trained. He began to go mad. At first he just simply admired from afar. He wondered what it would be like if the swordsman wrapped his calloused hands around his thighs. How it would feel to run tongue alone those glorious biceps. What the swordsman’s large scar would feel like under his fingertips.
He progressively got more carried away. He began to wonder what it would feel like to have Zoro on top of him, holding him down without escape as he ravished his neck with his hot mouth. What it would feel like to have his meaty thighs wrapped around Sanji’s waist.
Sanji became absolutely feral over Zoro during the few months since the crew was reunited . When they weren’t busy fighting or dealing with the chaos mostly caused by Luffy, of course. He found his daydreams seeping into his real dreams. In these nighttime fantasies, Zoro would devour him. He would throw him into a wall and press their lips together with fervor. He would rip Sanji’s clothing off and run his hands over every inch of his body. He would push slick fingers into Sanji’s ass while he moaned. His hands would fist Sanji’s hair as he thrust his cock into his mouth harshly. And he would fuck Sanji until he was a whimpering mess on the floor.
Sanji would wake up from these dreams with a start to find himself rock-hard and straining in his pants. Sometimes he even woke to find himself slick, bemoaning himself over having a wet dream at fucking age 21. He hoped to god he didn’t make any noise in his sleep. He escaped to the bathroom almost every day, trying to suppress his moans as he touched himself, cumming at the thought of Zoro’s face adorned with that damn smirk of his as he fucked relentlessly into Sanji’s ass.
He was so, so fucked. He could never let Zoro know. He could never let anyone know. So instead, he threw himself into appearing lustier and more desperate than ever. He would swoon and chase after any woman they came across even more than usual. He would prance after Nami and Robin everywhere they went. He knew he looked pathetic but he didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t let them know that he was dreaming about fucking his perceived rival.
He thought maybe he was just horny. Once he tried to think of Law while he was touching himself. The former warlord turned ally was a little creepy but Sanji couldn’t deny that he was tall, dark, and incredibly sexy. He even tried to think of their other ally Kidd. The redhead’s body was almost as impeccable as Zoro’s and though his personality was insufferable, he was quite hot. It didn’t work. He couldn’t cum thinking of these undeniably attractive men. It wasn’t until he turned his thoughts to Zoro that he found his release.
He was obsessed, entranced. He couldn’t stop the thoughts of Zoro flowing into his mind everywhere he went. He desperately wanted, no needed the swordsman. Maybe even a part of him realized he desired him more than just physically. He pushed that aside though, he wasn’t quite ready to face his emotions. He just focused on the fact that he had to know what Zoro would do to his body.
Little did his sober self know that his drunk self would soon find out exactly what Zoro could and would do.