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Lynne remembered it all.
It hadn’t been easy to be transported back to the new present. Even so, she knew it was for the best. How could it not be? No one had died that day in Temsik Park, and no one would need to die ever again. At long last, everyone was safe, and countless people would be allowed to live for the first time in a decade.
It had taken time for her to adjust to her new life. After growing used to an adult body and all the quirks that came with it, Lynne hadn’t known what to do when she was suddenly thrust back into her childhood. She remembered everything she had been through in the old timeline, and seeing the world through the eyes of a child would not change that.
The truth hit Lynne all at once. The tidal wave of reminiscence had come just after Jowd calmed her in Temsik, and as he smiled down at her, she knew she had been there before. There was something aged about his gaze, something that told Lynne everything she needed to know. In the next few seconds, the last ten years of her life flashed before her eyes. When she came back to the present, Jowd’s smile had grown almost dark, and she knew he understood better than any person should ever have to.
But those ten years hadn’t happened. At the very least, they hadn’t happened in the ways they once had. No one knew the truth save for Sissel, Jowd, Missile, and Yomiel. The rest of the world would continue on as if the world hadn’t been split so cleanly in two. Lynne’s tiny body would keep on as it had before too.
That was what she had hoped for. In practice, the truth was a lot shakier and vaguer. Lynne had wanted to pretend nothing happened to her to spark a changed view of the world. The future was newer and brighter, and she had all the time in the universe to see it through. When Jowd helped her back to her feet, she wanted to smile as brightly as she could before casting all of this into her treasured but tragic past.
If only it was that simple.
Lynne remembered it all.
Remembering was a bit more complicated than the black and white idea of something having happened or not. Lynne knew it had all happened in some way or another, but it had been forgotten just as quickly with one simple night reversing the clock. She understood everything in perfect clarity. Her witness testimony was all she needed to trust what had happened even after the world around her forgot. That should have been the end of it. She remembered what had happened, and she knew it plainly.
Her body had other plans for her though, and Lynne only learned this after it was too late to stop it. The first few days had been bliss, and Lynne fell asleep each night with a smile on her face and new friends in her heart. There was no better outcome in the world than the clock reversing so that a better future could play out. It should have been perfect as it was.
All of that changed when the nightmares began. Lynne had barely even realized what was happening until she looked down at her hands for the first time in that lucid space between sleep and wakefulness. They were back to their regular size. She wasn’t a child anymore. She was older again… But how was that possible? It certainly shouldn’t have been.
A quick glance up told her exactly where she was, and she almost wished she had never found out.
She was in the junkyard, a gun aimed right for her heart. If she moved wrong, a bullet would end up inside of her, and Lynne had moved wrong before.
The panic had set in long before logic had the chance to remind her that she was safe. Lynne wanted to run and hide somewhere, but she just couldn’t do it. She knew how this was supposed to end. Sissel would appear at the last moment to save her, and everything would be fine… But he never did.
Lynne remembered it all.
As it turned out, Lynne remembered what it was like to die too. She felt all of the feeling leave her body as she collapsed, and her consciousness tried to fizzle and fade like the last embers of a waning flame. There was no Sissel, not this time… Then again, Sissel hadn’t been there for her the first time either, had he? Sissel had needed to go back in time to save her before they met. For a short while in the space between, Lynne truly had been dead.
When she sat up in her bed, the world seemed to freeze around her, and it took Lynne an embarrassingly long time to get control over her breathing. When she was finally able to remind herself she was there in her childhood bedroom, her lungs practically caved in on themselves. Lynne stared down at her hands once again, shocked to find them back to their smaller size. She wasn’t in that other timeline anymore. This was the new future. Everything was safe in the new future.
But Lynne remembered what it had been like to not be safe. When she pressured her mind, it surrendered its knowledge gladly. She remembered being shot in that junkyard, eyes following her every move before the bullet found its home in her chest. She remembered pacing in the junkyard office minutes later only for another shot to hit her in the heart. She remembered the way that tiny angel statue had turned around with its mockingly perfect smile to light the rope that set off the gun from Yomiel’s murder trap. She remembered what it had been like to be crushed by the massive chicken statue at the Chicken Kitchen. She remembered collapsing in the submarine as Kamila begged her to please, get up. If Lynne closed her eyes for long enough, she could almost convince herself that it was happening again, that she would die for real this time.
Lynne started using a nightlight after that. People asked her where the change of heart had come from after so many years of proudly claiming to not need it, but she always laughed the concern off instead of explaining herself. She couldn’t have explained it even if she tried. Who in the world was going to believe her when she said that this was her second time being eleven years old? Who would listen when she said that she had seen herself die half a dozen times from both inside and outside her body and relived it in her nightmares?
Lynne remembered it all.
As she got older, she was able to reach out to others who also remembered the events of that fateful night in a timeline no longer her own. Jowd was the only one Lynne could connect with easily. With Yomiel in prison, Missile not yet born, and Sissel back in his feline body, Jowd was Lynne’s best option. It took a few years before she could talk to him without earning the suspicion of anyone around her. There was only so much she could do before she was accused of acting out of character, and Lynne didn’t want anyone to dig deeper into her behavior. She couldn’t have withstood the pressure without telling them something she would regret.
When Lynne and Jowd finally saw each other again, the first thing she noticed was how much happier he was. He smiled constantly, and the frown she had seen worn into his features in the other timeline was long gone. Jowd had gladly introduced her to a young Kamila, and she and Lynne had hit it off every bit as easily as they had the first time. In a way, being with Jowd, Kamila, and Alma was like coming home.
But it wasn’t perfect. When Lynne looked into Kamila and Alma’s eyes, she saw endless joy. They were unbothered by the horrors of the world because they had never known them here. The reversal of the clock had erased it all. Alma had been long gone by the time Lynne met Kamila in the other timeline, and Kamila’s gaze had always been hiding that grief that came with losing both of her parents in such quick succession. Here, it was all gone.
But Lynne knew what it was like when it was there. She had grown used to it. She did all she could to cheer Kamila up when times got tough, and that had been the basis for their friendship in the days when Kamila was too shy to really establish a life for herself on her own terms. Lynne was starting over with her, and while she knew it would be better in the long run, she couldn’t help but miss the days when they had shared an apartment. Would they ever get back to that level of closeness? Would they ever understand each other like that again? Would they ever reach where they once had been?
Why was Lynne the only one to remember it?
Lynne remembered it all.
Jowd was perhaps the most familiar person in the entire family. He hid it well, but Lynne could see the pain in his eyes too. He had been given the chance to embrace his perfect life and his perfect family, and now, he knew how little he could afford to lose them. Jowd thought of what it was like to die and lose everything often. It didn’t matter how much he tried to hide it; Lynne could see it. After all, he looked just like she did. They had more in common than either of them wanted to admit. They remembered everything the rest of the world did not, but at times, they could not help but wish they had forgotten it too.
And yet, Lynne didn’t think she could have forced herself to forget even if she tried. It wouldn’t have felt right to seal away her memories of that other timeline. How could she go on with her life without remembering everything Sissel had done for her? It wouldn’t have been right. Lynne found it haunting to stare into Kamila’s bright eyes, but as strange as it was, she couldn’t wish for the same for herself. It wouldn’t have been right. She couldn’t forget. She hated remembering, but she couldn’t forget.
Lynne felt the best when she crouched beside Sissel to run her hands down his back. He was silky soft in all the ways that Lynne’s fingers needed him to be. When she struggled to see through the haze of her own blood splattered across concrete and steel, Sissel’s piercing gaze would bring her back. Even though he said nothing to her, Lynne knew that he understood her too. He had seen everything that night in the other timeline. He knew her better than early every other person did.
And yet, when Lynne looked into his eyes, she felt as if it didn’t matter that others didn’t understand her. All of her phantom pains of death and despair faded away as ash on the wind. There with Sissel, Lynne was at peace. She always slept better on the nights after she visited Jowd, Alma, and Kamila, but the truth was that Sissel was her saving grace. He could still talk to her if she wanted to, and sometimes, she took him up on that, enjoying his powers of the dead however she could. Most of the time though, it was unnecessary. As long as they were there together, everything was fine. As long as they were there together, nothing could hurt either one of them. They had saved each other countless times, and as tough as it had been, it was their greatest treasure too.
Lynne remembered it all.
And perhaps remembering wasn’t as wicked as she had thought.