Chapter Text
Color vision
— the ability of an organism to distinguish objects based on the wavelengths (or frequencies) of the light they reflect, emit, or transmit. Colors can be measured and quantified in various ways; indeed, a person's perception of colors is a subjective process whereby the brain responds to the stimuli that are produced when incoming light reacts with the several types of cone cells in the eye.
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1. blue
apparently, the world's favourite colour is blue. the sky is blue. the oceans are blue. ice is transparent, but drawn as blue. to jungkook, blue is just a word to describe a multitude of objects and things he has never and will never (unless modern science pulls through in his lifetime) see.
to jungkook, blue is merely the name given to the certain frequency at which certain objects and substances reflect and emit light. it is also taehyung's favourite colour.
"why?"
"because. just because."
"for someone who took creative writing as a minor, you really are shitty with words."
taehyung scoffs and jungkook imagines he's rolling his eyes. "i'm rolling my eyes, by the way." jungkook laughs.
"i'll show you why," taehyung says, as simply as if he were offering to take him ice skating. "i'll show you and you'll know."
the beach is an hours drive from the city, and taehyung rolls the windows of the car down as he sings along to the radio and the wind whips through jungkook's hair. he smells the salt of the sea and feels the wheels of the car turn onto gravel and hears the distant cries of seagulls. taehyung interlocks their fingers as they slip off their flip flops, guiding jungkook down the beach across the sand dunes, toes sinking into the hot grains. the sun dapples his skin, warmth spreading throughout his body and collecting in pools where taehyung touches him.
taehyung tugs jungkook further, their feet stumbling somewhat clumsily down the shore. jungkook hears taehyung giggle above the breaking waves when the water laps up to submerge their feet, causing him to jump back into taehyung's arms in alarm. he feels wiry arms encircle his waist and a small smile against the back of his neck, and warmth blossoms under the touch.
"come here."
jungkook allows himself to be lead, little by little, deeper into the cool surf. he feels the water rise up against his shins, then his thighs, soaking the fabric of his swim shorts and making them stick to his skin. he cringes back when something slimy and unpleasant tickles his feet, and taehyung reassures him it's just seaweed, rubbing his knuckles soothingly. when they're fully submerged, waves lapping just beneath jungkook's collarbones, he feels taehyung reach over with wet hands to smooth across the back of his neck.
"now, you gotta trust me with this," taehyung says, fingers making slow circles. "we'll go slow, got it?"
jungkook reaches up, searching, and taehyung moves to meet the hand so as it can cup his cheek. "got it."
and so, taehyung shows him his favourite shade of blue.
jungkook floats, gently swaying back and forth in the constant rock of the waves, water rising to cover his ears and submerge his senses in a whole new world, something he has never experienced before this moment. sounds of the world above become muted, a new silence settling about him that both unnerves and calms him. the water feels refreshingly cool where it kisses and soothes the heat of his skin, and softly tugs at his hair, beckoning him deeper into it's submergence.
a light breeze washes over the surface of the water, and jungkook feels the ripples break against him. completely at bliss, his entire body slowly falls slack against the ocean and he allows himself to be rocked, cradled in turquoise.
he tells taehyung he likes the colour blue.
2. brown
when jungkook asks about brown, taehyung explains that there are two main types. jungkook raises an eyebrow, thinking how there could possibly be more than one type of any colour, and says as much.
"colours aren't limited or confined. they're fluid, they're a wavelength. they shift and change and merge and become new colours," taehyung describes, watching the way jungkook's eyes flutter beneath his eyelids as he tries to comprehend such a thing.
just the idea of it all makes his brain hurt. how could someone possibly deal with that amount of sensory overload all at once? to have your eyes constantly assaulted with thousands of different shades of colour and light. jungkook supposes you get used to it.
he sees brown on two occasions.
the first, taehyung takes him to a small café, one that he claims makes the best caffè mocha in all of seoul. the bell tinkles as the door opens, jungkook following close behind, their hands joined in taehyung's coat pocket. it's cold, with november around the corner the temperature has been falling steadily for days, bringing with it icy breezes and bouts of chilly rain. jungkook sniffs, nose runny, and taehyung informs him with a giggle that his nose is as red as rudolph's. jungkook wonders what red looks like.
taehyung orders while jungkook takes in his surroundings. he listens to the background chatter of the other customers, listens to the clatter of cutlery on kitchenware, coffee machines whirring lazily. he sniffs again, nose blocked and stuffy from the outside chill, sense dulled.
they sit in a booth, taehyung's long legs tangled with his beneath the small table, small points of contact to assure jungkook he's never alone.
"here." taehyung slides the mug across the table into jungkook's palms, heat relieving the numbness in his fingers. "take a whiff and tell me what you see."
the steam rising steadily from the mug chases away the stuffiness in his nose, and jungkook slowly leans down and breathes in. the smell of coffee, rich and nutty, hits the back of his throat and rises up behind his eyes. beneath the deep earthy scent are hints of sweetness, chocolate and sugar diluting the smoky liquid.
jungkook sucks in another breath, and another, the mug resting beneath his nose as the smells overpower his senses, making him dizzy. he feels taehyung's gaze on his features.
"well?" he can hear taehyung's smile, almost envision the way his lips pull back into a boxy grin.
jungkook takes a sip, hot coffee burning his tongue and leaving a trail of fire down his throat. when he swallows, he nods and smiles. "i see it."
the second time, jungkook wakes from a nap one afternoon to taehyung's fingers exploring the strands of his hair and lips exploring his neck. he groans, shifting against the arm of the sofa to better accommodate his boyfriend. taehyung smells like vanilla and cinnamon, heady and sweet.
"i have something to show you," taehyung's voice sounds low in his ear.
"if it's not your dick, i don't care," jungkook mumbles, attempting to ignore the way the lips on his neck are stirring up a familiar heat in his belly. taehyung laughs and nips at his ear, teasing.
"later. come on."
it had been raining all morning, a constant pattering of droplets against the windows of the apartment, finally ceasing around mid afternoon. taehyung pulls jungkook out the door in their pyjamas, and jungkook wrinkles his nose at the dampness beneath his bare feet.
"it's wet. and cold," jungkook grumbles, shivering on the pavement in nothing more than his boxers and a tshirt. taehyung comes up behind him, arms draping over his shoulders and sharing his body heat.
"that's the point. now breathe," taehyung instructs, head resting on his shoulder. jungkook rolls his eyes but does as he is told.
wet soil, mixed with freshly cut grass, strong and aromatic. just like a hot caffè mocha, the smell is earthy and rich yet completely distinct and miles away from the scent of fresh coffee beans. jungkook revels in this discovery, senses and synapses working to reconcile the two scents and yet finding themselves unable to.
"petrichor," taehyung sighs contently.
"what?"
"the smell of wet earth after rain. do you see it? the two shades?"
and jungkook nods, because he does. despite the impossibility of the idea, he sees brown and it's distinctive shades and decides that it isn't as ugly a colour as some people say it is after all.
3. yellow
lemons are yellow. jungkook hates lemons. they're sour and bitter and altogether quite unpleasant, quite frankly. he doesn't really see the appeal.
taehyung often says if he were a colour, he'd be yellow.
"yellow is like... happiness. optimism. bright. i think that suits me perfectly, don't you?"
jungkook ponders this for a long time. "i'm not too sure. you're all of those things, but you're more than that. you're like... all the colours. mixed together to make the ultimate colour."
he feels taehyung frown beneath his fingers. "all the colours make black, jungkook. black is dark and empty and sad."
"not to me. they say blind people only see black, don't they?" jungkook smiles, pressing a kiss to taehyung's cheekbone. "so, by default, that makes you all i see."
taehyung giggles into jungkook's neck. "who knew you were so fucking cheesy."
4. green
the transition from winter to spring is a welcome one. jungkook swaps jumpers for tshirts and jeans for shorts.
taehyung opens the windows to their apartment and watches tennis on their shitty tv while jungkook lays in his lap and listens to the birds outside. they make iced tea and attempt a barbecue. the meat is burnt and smoky but jungkook lets taehyung feed him with a smile and makes sure to kiss him thank you afterwards.
the park is filled with laughter and chatter, birdsong, and music from a small portable stereo somewhere. they stop to get ice cream, fingers intertwined as they stroll together, sun warming their exposed legs and making jungkook's soft serve melt and turn sticky on his hands. taehyung offers to lick it off and jungkook scrunches his nose in mock disgust.
they have their first picnic that weekend, a hot saturday afternoon under the trees. they play a game in which jungkook astounds taehyung by catching five grapes in his mouth in a row, and when he expects a sixth he's greeted by soft lips instead. they kiss lazily, cicadas beginning to chirp as the evening air turns humid around them. for a while, they lay side by side in the quiet, and jungkook's fingers reach out from the edge of the blanket beneath them to trail across the grass.
he twirls the blades between his fingers, noting the way they prickle against the skin of his forearm. from across the park, the muffled reverberations of music start up, a concert, bass thumping. jungkook's belly gurgles at the smell of hamburgers and hot dogs that drifts it's way past the trees.
"spring is green," taehyung speaks into the quiet, "it's like... being born again. the whole world has been renewed. everything is vibrant. it feels more..."
"alive," jungkook supplements, voice breathy and peaceful. "it feels alive."
5. red
jungkook sees red the first time he and taehyung fight.
the blood pounds in his ears, heart hammering against the inside of his ribs and tears stinging the corners of his eyes.
"i cannot fucking believe you would even think for a second," taehyung seethes, voice scalding, "for one fucking second, that i would ever do that to you."
jungkook swallows back the lump in his throat and clenches his teeth around his words to hide the shake in his voice. "how would i know? i wouldn't blame you. being burdened with someone like me i wouldn't blame you for wanting someone e--"
"don't you fucking dare!" taehyung cuts him off with a strangled yell, slamming down what sounds like his fist on the counter in front of jungkook. "don't you dare fucking say that, jungkook! how can you even think that?" his voice is tight but jungkook hears it waver at the end, knows taehyung is crying.
it just makes jungkook angrier, a hot flush creeping up his neck and a burning sensation beneath his skin.
"because!" jungkook shouts back, fingers curling into his palm on the counter top and nails cutting into his skin, "because, tae, it's fucking me! i'm useless! i'm fucking useless and reliant and can't even make myself a fucking sandwich without fucking it up! i can't look into your eyes and tell you i love you, i can't go out alone to buy your anniversary gift, i can't even write your birthday card."
he's crying now, tears hot on his cheeks, voice cracking as he yells.
"what's the use in loving someone who's broken?!"
the silence is a deafening shock. jungkook swallows, eyes flickering under his eyelids and ears straining for taehyung to say something, anything.
"is that what you think?" taehyung's voice is quiet and flat. "you're broken? as if you're some kind of machine that needs new parts and i'm just going to replace you with some brand new shiny model that works? that's really fucking nice, jungkook."
the haze that had clouded jungkook's mind moments before, hot and fiery, dissipates instantly at the icy tone in taehyung's voice.
"tae... i didn't... i just don't want you to be with someone who can't love you properly," jungkook whispers.
he hears taehyung step around the counter, feels strong hands grabbing the sides of his face and pulling his head up to stare into taehyung's eyes (or at least, he thinks so).
"just because i don't know the colour of your eyes, or how they sparkle when you laugh or how they glaze over when i touch you, doesn't mean i don't love you with every single part of me. just because you can't make me breakfast in bed or see the way i look at you when you smile doesn't mean i wouldn't give up everything just to make you happy. you're not broken, but that doesn't mean i won't do anything i can to fix you. i adore you, jeon jungkook. and i will dedicate my life to making you realise that."
taehyung's lips taste like salt but his tongue tastes like honey and jungkook doesn't know whether it's his tears or taehyung's that he tastes, but he doesn't care. he lets taehyung envelop him into his chest, crushing their bodies together as if it could possibly bring them any closer.
jungkook realises red is violence and anger and fever, but also red is passion and love. jungkook thinks red is the strongest colour of all.
6. orange
jungkook knows orange. he knows that oranges are, surprisingly, orange. he knows orange is the colour of the crayon that kids colour in the sun with. he knows nothing rhymes with the word orange. nice going, orange.
"i think i'm orange."
"your tan isn't that bad, you're just a little sunburnt."
jungkook snorts a loud laugh and rolls his eyes. "okay first of all, i'm blind. i can't even see if i'm tanned or not. i literally have no concept of being tanned whatsoever. second of all, i meant the colour."
taehyung shifts next to jungkook where they lay on the floor of the living room, balcony doors flung wide open and electric fan humming in the corner. it's humid and hot and the only respite taehyung comes up with from the midday sun is laying on the cool wood floor beneath the sofa in their boxers while the tv plays reruns of old cartoons.
sweat beads on jungkook's skin, the roots of his hair damp with moisture and his upper lip tastes salty and gross.
taehyung grunts and jungkook feels him flip onto his stomach. "okay, i'll listen. how so?"
"two things. one, orange doesn't rhyme with anything," jungkook says, listing off on his fingers.
"so you're saying you don't rhyme with anything," taehyung deadpans, but jungkook can feel him smiling.
"shut up. i meant like... i don't know. i just like knowing that there's only one of me." he smiles shyly at the ceiling, hands resting on his bare stomach. taehyung hums in agreement and bumps their shoulders together, prompting him to go on.
"and, number two, i read somewhere that orange fruits need a lot of sunlight to grow. just like how i need you," jungkook finishes with a blush, actually glad for once he can't see taehyung's expression because if he could, he'd probably be too embarrassed to look.
taehyung's fingers move to press against his cheek, turning his face to the right until their noses are touching. when taehyung doesn't move any further, jungkook leans in to kiss him, if only to stop the warmth in his cheeks becoming too much to handle. taehyung pulls back a moment later and jumps up, the floor shaking under jungkook's back.
"stay there, i'll be back in a minute!"
jungkook counts exactly one minute and forty seconds before taehyung is flinging himself on top of him, legs straddling his hips. he wriggles in place, making himself comfortable and jungkook has to hold his breath and think about dead puppies as his poor crotch is assaulted.
"surprise!"
"tae, when you're blind, the element of surprise truly is lost." taehyung huffs. "stop pouting and tell me what the surprise is."
"alright, alright," taehyung grumbles, "open up!"
jungkook opens his mouth, lips parting warily, and awaits whatever his boyfriend has in store. a second later he feels taehyung's fingers pressing something past his lips and instinctively his tongue darts out to taste the foreign object.
"don't just sit there licking it or else we're gonna have to forego the taste test and have you put your mouth to better use. bite it."
jungkook gags. "that's fucking gross hyung," he laughs, but complies regardless.
he bites down, and suddenly his mouth is assaulted with flavour, a tangy and sweet juice exploding on his tongue. the citrus reminds him of a particular ice lemonade taehyung used to buy from the corner store, but less sugary and slightly sour.
"you should see your face right now," taehyung giggles from above, and jungkook hears the sound of a shutter going off. "you look so confused."
he chews experimentally and is rewarded with another burst of flavour. "what is this?"
"they're tangerines. i can't believe you've never had them before," taehyung says, moving to shuffle down and rest his chin on jungkook's chest. "we don't have any oranges, but tangerines are just as orange-y. can you see it?"
he runs his tongue over his teeth, licking up the last of the tangy juice. he nods. "it tastes like sunlight."
taehyung presses his lips to the column of jungkook's throat. "not as good as me though, right?"
"hmm... lemme think..." jungkook murmurs, hands moving to taehyung's waist and he grins, "i'm gonna need some convincing."
7. white
supposedly, blindfolds are used in sex in order to increase a person's pleasure. it's said, apparently, that the loss of sight heightens the other senses and therefore makes everything feel ten times greater.
jungkook, although unable to compare, definitely one hundred percent agrees. and the best part is, he doesn't even need the blindfold.
"fuck, tae."
the stuttered moan slips out between jungkook's clenched teeth, his voice low and gravelly, muffled into his boyfriend's shoulder. taehyung's breath comes in hot pants against his collarbone, teeth grazing the skin and fingers pulling his hair as he grinds down. jungkook's skin feels electric, every touch and brush against taehyung sending shocks fizzing between them. taehyung leans up to pull jungkook's bottom lip between his teeth and the sting makes him gasp, hips jolting forward and breath hitching in his chest.
"is this okay?" taehyung breathes, shuffling down jungkook's chest, hands roaming the expanse of his stomach and delighting at the twitch of the muscles beneath his fingers.
jungkook nods fervently, eyelids fluttering at the sensation of taehyung's mouth on his lower abdominals. his nerve endings feel like they're on high alert, the tiniest of touches pushing him closer and closer to a cliff edge. he groans when taehyung mouths lower, tongue and lips finding him beneath his boxers and jungkook drives his hips upwards, chasing the feeling. it takes everything not to let go right then as taehyung sinks down, taking jungkook to the back of his throat and humming around him, firm hands holding his hips down and fingers stroking his thighs.
"s-shit taehyung, oh my god, f-fuck."
jungkook barely manages coherency, tiny moans and breathy sighs punctuating his words while taehyung works between his legs. heat pools in his belly, and when taehyung's tongue swirls obscenely around him, jungkook finds his toes curling and fingers threading into taehyung's hair to hold him in place.
all jungkook feels is taehyung, and taehyung's fingers and taehyung's mouth and the sensation of taehyung is all too much, skin burning under his touch and muscles tensing and relaxing in time with his rhythm. jungkook feels the warmth in his belly growing, his hips making wild circles, the synapses in his brain fizzling out one by one with every dart of taehyung's tongue over his slit.
"tae, tae, tae," tiny mewls and moans stumble past his parted lips, eyes tightly shut and head tossed back against the pillows. he feels taehyung slow, pull off, and jungkook whines.
"if only you could see how fucking beautiful you look right now," taehyung says, voice wrecked but like music to jungkook's ears. and then the warmth is back and taehyung sets a faster pace.
jungkook throws his head back as his thighs tense around taehyung, whole body going rigid as he arches his back, heat reaching an almost unbearable climax.
"jesus fucking chr- ah," jungkook's voice cuts off into a high pitched moan as he comes, hips stuttering and back arching off the bed with a cry of taehyung's name.
something brilliant and bright flashes behind his eyelids and, for the briefest of moments, his mind turns completely blank, body slumping back into the pillows as his muscles turn to jelly. he barely registers the feeling of taehyung pulling away until he's crawling up his chest and pressing a salty, bitter kiss to jungkook's lips.
"that," taehyung huffs, throat rough like sandpaper, "is white. that feeling, right as you orgasm and you feel like you're gonna pass out and your toes curl and your belly explodes? that's white. totally pure and absolute nothingness."
jungkook is still coming down from his high, attempting to make his lips form words. "me coming down your throat is not what i would call pure... in any sense."
taehyung laughs and nips at the skin on his neck lightly. "mmm, but it was good though right?"
jungkook hums deeply, fingers coming up to trace the lines of taehyung's tailbone. "white is definitely my favourite colour."
8. pink
taehyung shows jungkook pink one early morning, touch skimming the bare skin of his arms and trailing goosebumps on warm flesh, feather light.
"the sky outside is pink today," comes the mumble from across the bed, trailing off into a kitten's yawn as taehyung stretches.
jungkook hums sleepily, cocooned in the warmth of the duvet. he feels the mattress sink and taehyung shift to one elbow, perhaps gazing down at him with warm eyes.
"your cheeks are pink too." taehyung traces the faint flush of sleep that tints jungkook's cheekbones, delicate. warmth radiates from beneath his skin.
jungkook allows his face to be studied, explored and caressed, eyelashes fluttering under taehyung's soft breath. he feels one hand move to cup his jaw, a thumb stretch up to swipe agonisingly slowly along his bottom lip.
"your lips are pink too," comes the whisper, only mere centimetres from his face. taehyung hovers, savouring the view, before easing down and slotting his lips into jungkook's like they’ve belonged there all along.
the kiss is so tender, so gentle, and so unabashedly sweeter than any kisses they've shared before, it has jungkook's stomach flipping and his lips pulling back in a smile against taehyung's. they kiss as the sun rises, filtering through the curtains to warm their skin. taehyung pulls back, only slightly, before leaning down again and brushing his lips against jungkook's forehead. then his nose. his eyelids. the corners of his eyes. the space above his upper lip. the upturned corners of his mouth. the dip beneath his lower lip.
by the time he's finished, no space on jungkook's skin has been left un-kissed.
"i love you. more than the moon and the stars, more than the planets and each of their moons. i love you to the end of the universe."
butterflies erupt in jungkook's stomach, and the smile that splits his face makes his cheeks ache.
jungkook sees pink when he says "i love you too."
9. purple
with summer comes storms. monsoon season in seoul arrives in mid july like an unwelcome guest, thick, oppressive clouds rolling in and bringing with them some of the heaviest rain jungkook has ever heard in his life. it falls, relentless and unforgiving, in sheets against the glass of the balcony doors, wind howling and moaning strong enough to shake the shutters.
taehyung describes the electricity of a good storm as purple. when the thunder booms, vibrations shaking the window panes and flashes of lightning illuminating the dark living room, jungkook familiarises himself with purple. taehyung describes the lightning as best he can, but jungkook says he prefers thunder. he likes things he can feel, so he knows it's really real.
he spends most afternoons sat by the window, fingers pressed against the glass as if he can feel the static thrumming in the air outside. he listens to the droplets splash into the guttering, the gurgle as it cascades out of the drainpipe, the tv playing white noise in the background because their signal is all messed up. taehyung brings him hot chocolate and cookies and they sit together by the window in comfortable quiet, legs intertwined.
the monsoons aren't all bad. most days are whiled away with taehyung reciting stories of lands and creatures jungkook can only dream of imagining, animals with necks as long as tree trunks and cities with buildings eight hundred metres tall. taehyung murmurs these things to his lips as they lay together on the sofa, chest to chest, arms and legs thrown over each other in a messy knot of limbs. the thunder rumbles, interjecting in periods of quiet and hushed breaths.
purple is, jungkook thinks, the deepest and most mysterious of all colours. shrouding and oppressive but a comforting heaviness, like standing outside in the humid air moments before a storm, inviting and yet dangerous, hairs prickling with the feeling of unseen static. purple is the feeling jungkook gets right before he falls asleep, curled into taehyung on the impossibly small sofa, mind fogged with a warm haze that tugs him under while fingers caress his skin.
"purple is the colour of the hickeys i give you." taehyung kisses the words into his skin. "when you grip my hips too tight or bite my neck too hard, the bruises are purple. they look pretty."
taehyung traces the blossoms of indigo littered across his neck, and jungkook sees purple in the static between their skin.
10. black
jungkook had once said that taehyung was the colour black.
at the time, he hadn't understood the way taehyung had frowned beneath his fingers, had turned quiet and subdued. to jungkook, black was the only real colour he could ever truly see. surely, it was only fitting that taehyung was, as such, black.
by scientific definition, white is the absence of all colour. oppositely, black contains all the colours of the known spectrum.
if black had once been a comfort to jungkook, one evening in late august changes this, and subsequently everything jungkook has ever known.
he gets the call a little while after returning home alone, soaking wet from the rain with arms laden with shopping bags brimming with tissue paper and, beneath, anniversary gifts. tomorrow will mark his and taehyung's second year together.
he feels liberated, finally being able to go out by himself without taehyung's constant aid and guidance, the feeling somewhat terrifying yet exhilarating.
as he begins to wrap, albeit very messily, he feels his phone buzz in his back pocket.
"hello?"
"hello, is this jeon jungkook?" the voice is unfamiliar, low and somewhat grave.
"who's calling?"
a long pause. the silence is unnerving.
“hello?”
garbled voices, crackling background noise. a siren?
"i'm... so sorry, jungkook-ssi."
"you're... what? hello? who is this please?"
if jungkook were able to see, were able to remove the phone from his ear to glance at the caller id for just a moment, he would see the words tae tae flashing at the top of the screen in bright letters.
but, jungkook cannot see.
he can only listen, gripping the small device with cold fingers as the news is broken to him by the nice policeman at the scene of the crime,
where there has been an accident, a drunk driver and a wet road,
it couldn't be helped, arrived too late,
i'm sorry jungkook-ssi,
and his world crumbles around him in vivid technicolour.