Work Text:
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Hello! Good morning! Good afternoon! Good evening! Whoever you are, wherever you are, I have just one simple question. I know what you are. You’re bored, you’re sad, your life feels empty and dull and dead! Right? So why not… FUCK MY TIGHT PINK CUNT?!
Yes, you heard me right! Hi! I’m <<name of your choice>>, the owner and operator of <<name’s>> Tight Pink Cunt! I’ve been doing this for about <<clearing throat to obfuscate number>> plenty-six years, and I’m a certified expert in cock-teasing, cock-pleasing, and cock- squeezing , specifically inside MY Tight Pink Cunt! And yes, that is a trademark, of <<name’s>> Tight Pink Cunt, an officially designated 501(c)(4) compliant nonprofit organization.
Wuh-wuh-wuh-wait, I hear you saying at home in front of your TV or radio device! Non-profit? Does that mean… why yes it does, future customer-slash-beneficiary! My Tight Pink Cunt is FREE! Are you under four inches? It’s free. Over seven inches? Free! Are you right down that middle line of perfectly average penis? I’m sorry to inform you that my Tight Pink Cunt is only available at a retail price of $79.99… But you’re eligible for a $79.99 rebate on that purchase, automatically cashed in when you insert your dick into my waiting hole!
Now I know what you’re thinking. <<name,>> you’re only telling us how tight and pink this cunt is. What about the other important factors? Is it hot? Is it wet? Is it sweet? Well, boy, do I have news for you! Not only is my Tight Pink Cunt tight (the tightest) and pink (the pinkest), it’s also an industry leader in every metric a pussy can be judged on. Temperature? Hot as fuck in more ways than one! No matter how frozen your ice cube heart is, I guarantee it’ll melt once you slide inside my Tight Pink Cunt! Wet? Yes it is, and getting wetter by the second while I wait for you to fuck it! I’m slick from lips to knee here! Sweet? Well, actually, I have heard it’s on the tart side. But in disposition, you won’t find a sweeter cunt anywere!
That’s why I’m so passionate! It’s the drippiest, grippiest, slipperiest cunt there is! If you can fuck me and deny my tight pink cunt is the wettest, hottest, tightest, pinkest, BEST pussy from here to the moon and back, you better lawyer up or run for the hills ‘cause otherwise you’re a dead motherfucker!
And just because I’m telling you about my Tight Pink Cunt, don’t think I can’t take care of your other needs. Are you sad and alone? You can stare deep into my eyes while you fuck me! I’ll whisper in your ear! God damnit, I’ll blow you kisses! Do you just want to use me like a slutty, stupid, whorish disposable fuckdoll? Go right ahead! Stick a bag over my head for all I care! Just so long as you do it while you’re inside my Tight Pink Cunt!
And remember, folks, my Tight Pink Cunt is a NO CONDOM ZONE! If you even think about bringing one of those rubber uglies near me and my Tight Pink Cunt, I’ll bite a hole in it! That’s right, I’ll bite a hole in it! When you’re inside my Tight Pink Cunt, I want you to get all the way inside. That’s right! You’re going to piston in and out of my pussy until you blow your load inside me! And you’d better believe my little pussy’s gonna milk you until every single drop is drained clean out of your balls! If you don’t think my Tight Pink Cunt can siphon every droplet of semen, every bit of jizz, every single virile sperm cell out of you, then come on down and bust a nut inside me! And if I leave even a speck of spunk in your balls, you can fuck my Tight Pink Cunt again, free of charge! That’s two fucks for the price of none! You’d be INSANE to ignore that deal!
Now, let me be clear. I’ve talked a lot about dicks, cocks, penises, long schlongs, meat swords, members, and manpoles so far. But if you don’t have or don’t want to employ a phallic instrument inside my Tight Pink Cunt, don’t you worry. I’m open for business to fingers, tongues, toys, lips, hips, knees, laps, faces, hell, even other cunts! Anything you want to rub up against or stick inside is fair game so long as you sanitize it first and take it home when you’re done. My Tight Pink Cunt is for everyone!
So if you’re lonely, bored, filled with ennui, afflicted with a restless spirit, or just want a warm, wet hole to put your penis inside of, don’t wait! Call now! Get inside me! Because, remember, you can pulverize pussy, smash gash, get inside a vagina, and split slit, but nothing, and I mean nothing , compares to my Tight Pink Cunt!
Fuck me!
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