Chapter Text
You know I got your number, number all night
I'm always on your team, I got your back alright
Taking those, taking those losses if it treats you right
I want to put you into the spotlight
If the world would only know what you've been holding back
Heart attacks every night
Oh, you know it's not right
I will follow you way down wherever you may go
I'll follow you way down to your deepest low
I'll always be around wherever life takes you
You know I'll follow you
—Imagine Dragons
The Southern Coastal husbro typically initiates courtship rituals at his habitat. An overture is made, accompanied by an alcoholic offering, to a fellow with whom he has previously established a rapport. A display of suitability is made, characterized by the sharing of sports entertainment, pursuit of an athletic activity, or appreciation of a common interest. If the overture is accepted, the husbros may begin the process of commingling of habitats.
“I went on a date.”
Frank’s pen scratched on his notepad. “And how did that go?”
Eddie shrugged. “Fine.”
“That’s a non-answer.”
He sighed. “What do you want me to say?”
“Whatever you want to say.”
“She was nice. We had dinner. I kissed her goodnight.”
“And that was all?”
“Are you asking me sex questions now?”
“It wouldn’t be the first time.”
“Yeah, that was all.” Eddie shifted in the chair. “I think she was…open to it.”
“So why didn’t you?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t really into it. It’s just…God, it’s so much work. The idea of starting something new, getting to know someone, figuring out how you fit together, or if you fit together at all, all the negotiations and the discussions…I’m exhausted just thinking about it. Part of me wonders why I even bother.”
“Why did you agree to the date?”
“I guess I thought I should get back out there. I haven’t dated since Ana.”
“Did you want to get back out there?”
He cast his eyes up at the ceiling. “I don’t even know.”
“Eddie, we’ve talked before about doing things because you think you should, instead of because you want to.”
“Yeah. I know. Believe me, I see the connection.”
“Do you want a relationship? A serious one?”
“I guess?”
“Let me put it another way. What’s missing from your life that you could only get from a romantic relationship?”
The question stopped Eddie cold for a moment. “I…don’t know.”
“Well, what have you gotten out of relationships in the past?”
“You know. The usual stuff.”
“Tell me what ‘the usual stuff’ means for you.”
“Companionship. Support. Someone to talk to, to be with. Comfort and safety. Sex and intimacy.”
“Sex and intimacy aren’t necessarily the same thing. Which is more important?”
He had to think about that for a moment. “Intimacy, I think. If I want sex, I mean…there are other ways. But being intimate, knowing someone and having them know you…that’s not so easy. It takes time. And spending the time to build it from scratch, I’m tired just thinking about it. I’ve got too much going on, it doesn’t feel like it’s a priority.”
“Having those things in your life isn’t a priority? The companionship, the comfort, the intimacy?”
Eddie blinked. “I…oh. Hmm.”
Frank looked up. “What?”
“What?”
“Seems like you just had a thought.”
Eddie stared at his fingers. “Maybe. You said, having those things isn’t a priority. And I guess…I don’t feel like I don’t have those things.” He sniffed. “Sorry for the double negative.”
“Say more.”
He sighed. “I have companionship and support. Just…not from a relationship.”
“You get those things from Buck.”
“Yeah.”
“Your friendship with him is a relationship, you know.”
“It’s not that kind of a relationship.”
“You mean a romantic or sexual one?”
“Yeah.”
“That doesn’t invalidate what both of you get out of it. A close friendship can be a very intimate, deep connection.”
“I hadn’t thought of it that way until now, but yeah.”
“Have you ever had a friendship like this before?”
“No, not even close. I mean, I was really tight with some of the guys I knew in Afghanistan. But it was different. It was…situational. With Buck, it’s like family. He’s practically my co-parent at this point. I can tell him anything. I don’t have to pretend with him. I’m just me.”
“So you feel you have intimacy with him? Emotional intimacy?”
“Yeah. Feels weird to say that about another guy.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “I guess…Hen says it’s toxic masculinity. Men are socialized not to have emotional bonds with anyone other than a sexual partner, and to resist having real emotional connections with our friends, especially our male friends.”
“She’s right, that’s a very real consequence for men’s emotional health. Do you agree with her?”
“Yeah, I do. I’ve been here living it all my life. Buck’s never been like that, though. He’s the most open guy you’ll ever meet. It was weird at first, but he made it okay. To have emotions and talk about them, and show them. It’s not so easy for me, unless it’s with my son.”
“Eddie, I’d like you to imagine yourself in the future. Do you see yourself with a committed, long-term partner?”
“Yes,” Eddie said, right away.
“Describe who this person is to you.”
“Hmm. Like a teammate. Someone to make plans with, to run things by, to combine our resources. Someone to be sad with and happy with. Someone to…talk to. Someone I can take care of, who’ll take care of me. Someone who makes me feel safe, and who feels safe with me.” He nodded. That all felt right.
Frank smiled. “I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but in all that, you never mentioned love, sex or romance.”
Eddie blinked. “Huh.”
“There’s no rule that a committed partner has to be a romantic partner. Have you ever considered Buck as a life partner?”
“I…but it’s not like that with him.”
“Not like what?”
“Romantic.”
“And I’m saying that a partnership doesn’t have to be romantic. But do you want it to be? Do you have romantic feelings towards him?”
“No. I don’t think so.”
“Are you attracted to him?”
“No. I’m not into men. I mean, he’s handsome. I can see that, I’m not blind. But it’s like I can see that a painting in a museum is beautiful, that doesn’t mean I want it in my house. It’s just a…factual observation.”
“Do you think your feelings towards him go beyond just friendship?”
“Yeah? Maybe? What does that mean? Where are those boundaries? I don’t even know what kind of feelings I’m talking about.”
“Eddie, relationships don’t have to be one of a set of predetermined things. They can be whatever you want or need them to be. There are casual friendships that include sex. There are deep, loving partnerships that don’t. You get to define it yourself.”
Eddie nodded. “I think…I needed to hear that.”
“Does this make you want to take any actions?”
He drew himself up. “Yeah. I think…I need to talk about this more.”
“Do you want to keep talking about it now? About what you want, and how to bring it up with him?”
“Yeah. Definitely.”
two weeks later
Eddie heard the door open just as he was starting dinner, then the familiar sound of Buck’s boots being yanked off and tossed to the hall floor. “Oooh, whatcha making?” Buck came into the kitchen and peered over his shoulder. “Mmm, stir fry.”
“It’s that Thai sausage you got at the farmer’s market.”
“Yum. Aww, and you even put in the mini corncobbies. You hate those.”
“You like them, though. They’re easy to pick out.”
“So selfless.” He reached in and plucked one of the mini corn cobs out of the pan and popped it into his mouth. He went to the fridge and took out two beers, having observed that Eddie didn’t have one, opened them and handed him one.
“Thanks.” Eddie took a drink. He hadn’t been sure Buck would come over tonight, but figured the odds were good. He didn’t know if he was ready to have this talk, but didn’t want to put it off, either.
“Where’s Chris?” Buck asked. Eddie marveled at Buck’s uncanny ability to instantly know if Chris was home or not via some kind of kid-radar that only he possessed.
“He’s at a sleepover with Harry.”
“Kings playing tonight?”
“Yep. Blue Jackets.”
“Aw man, the Blue Jackets are actually good this year. We’ll probably get creamed.”
“Which is different from most nights, how?”
“Har har.” He leaned up against the counter and looked down at the pan. “Can I help?”
“Nah, I’ve got it all prepped. Set the table?” Eddie would have been glad to eat on the couch watching the game, but Buck was a big proponent of eating at the table “properly,” as he said.
“Got it.”
Eddie fixed two plates of stir-fry and joined Buck at the table; he was scrolling on his phone. “Did you see the 133’s post? They had first graders in for a tour today.” Buck was smiling warmly; kid-related events were his favorite thing.
Eddie ate and listened to Buck babble about the 133’s tour and Chim’s secret extremely-not-secret plan to whisk Maddie away on a weekend trip and the article he’d read about viral attenuation and whatever else he felt like talking about. He just enjoyed the sound of Buck’s voice.
Buck glanced at his watch as they were finishing. “Half an hour till puck drop. Let’s go get some ice cream!” He started to stand up, but Eddie held him back.
“Buck, just…sit down, will you?”
He felt Buck’s whole body go tense. “Uh…sure. What’s up?”
“I just…we need to have a talk. A serious one.”
“Oh jeez, okay. What’s going on?”
Eddie had spent the last two weeks thinking about this, talking about it with Frank, and rehearsing his talking points, but it was all leaving his brain when confronted with Buck’s stupid face. “So, uh. You’re here a lot, right?”
“Yeah…?”
“And you spend a lot of time with Christopher, and sometimes you sleep over on the couch…”
Buck’s expression turned alarmed. “Oh. Um…yeah. I’m sorry, I know I’m…a lot. I’m probably here way too much. Like, you want time to yourself, with Chris, and I’m just always underfoot…I can tone it down. I just get attached and I don’t know how much is too much…”
He was starting to get up again. “No, whoa, whoa, whoa,” Eddie said, grabbing his forearm and pulling him back down. “I…fuck. I’m sorry, I’m so bad at this, I started out really awkwardly. That’s not what I’m saying. In fact, that’s kind of the opposite of what I’m saying.” Buck just looked confused now. Eddie sighed and pulled himself back. Just be honest. Tell him how you feel, Frank had said.
Okay, here goes.
He folded his hands on the table to keep himself from fidgeting, and looked Buck straight in the eyes. “I’ve never had a friend like you, Buck.”
Buck’s face softened a little. “Aw, man. Thanks. I’ve never even come close to having a friend like you.” He smiled. “You know, that date I told you about? Last weekend? She teased me because apparently I talk about you and Chris way too much. We were ordering dessert and she said ‘You know, I think I know more about your best friend and his son than I know about you.’” He chuckled, like this was a charming anecdote.
“Yeah. I’ve had some…date stuff happen lately too.”
Buck’s eyes popped open. “Dude! You had a date? You didn’t tell me! That one with the braids?”
“Yeah. Just the one date. But lately I’ve felt like dating is just…too much trouble. I don’t know why I’m doing it, or why I’m even trying. It’s so much work.”
Buck nodded. “I know what you mean. I didn’t see that girl again.”
“Did you go to bed with her?”
“No. And I told her I didn’t think we should go out again. It’s not fair to whatever woman I might go out with if I don’t know what I’m looking for from them.”
Eddie was stunned. It couldn’t be…he could not possibly be that lucky, that Buck’s thoughts had been trending in the same direction as his. “Yeah. That’s it, exactly. And that’s…kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Okay, so talk.”
He nodded. “I’ve been talking with Frank a lot about how I’d like to have a partner. A life partner, I mean. For long-term.”
“Sure. I’d like to have one, too.”
“Someone to make a life with, and raise my son with, and just…be a team.”
Buck was smiling softly. “Yeah, that sounds amazing.”
“Then Frank said something that kind of blew my mind. He said, ‘You know, you can have a life partner who’s not a romantic partner.’”
“What, like, just some rando?”
“Well, not a rando, someone you know and trust and care about.”
“But not a wife or a girlfriend?”
“That’s what he said. He said I get to pick. I get to decide what having a partner looks like for me.”
Buck blinked. “I mean…wow, yeah. But like…what about the sex?”
Eddie shrugged. “A relationship doesn’t have to include sex to be valid, or meaningful.”
“Huh. I guess not.” Buck looked thoughtful. “I’ve never thought about it that way.”
“Neither had I. And honestly, it felt like a relief. The idea that a life partner didn’t have to be just one thing, or look one certain way. It was like getting permission to go about it…differently.”
Buck was leaning forward, watching Eddie’s face. “That’s kind of blowing my mind, too.”
Eddie steeled himself. “Which brings me to what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Okay?”
“When I thought about who I’d want as a partner, there was only one person who came to mind.” He held Buck’s gaze, hoping he’d get the hint.
After a few beats of frowning, Buck’s eyes popped wide. “Wait, me? You’d want me to be your…life partner?”
“Of course, you!” He scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Buck, you’re here all the time. We buy groceries together, cook together, take Christopher out to do fun things together. You do our laundry, I balance your checkbook. You’ve gone to his parent-teacher conferences, for Christ’s sake. I just…let’s stop doing that halfway and just go all in. I want to commit to it.” He met Buck’s eyes. “No matter who I’ve tried to date, even when Shannon was alive, the most important relationship in my life for the last five years has been with you. When I think about mine and Chris’s future, you’re the only person I always see there. I don’t want that to end. Ever. In fact, I want to…make it real.”
“How is it not real now?”
“I want you in my family, I want us to be a family. Officially. A family can be a guy, his son, and his best friend, right?”
Buck’s lower lip was trembling. “You’re really asking me to be your…what, now?”
“Frank called it ‘platonic life partners.’”
Buck looked stunned, and also…hopeful. “We could really do that?”
“We’re grown men, Buck. We can do what we want. It’s up to us to define what relationship we have. It doesn’t have to be a pre-packaged one that fits in a tidy little box.” He leaned forward, then reached out and grasped Buck’s hand. He gripped it back immediately. “Buck…I want to make a commitment to you. There’s no law that says you have to be in love or have a romance to have a committed relationship. There’s no reason why two friends can’t be long term partners, if that’s what would make them both happy. And I think…it would. Make me happy, that is. I hoped that it would make you happy, too. ” He sighed and let go of Buck’s hand, sitting back. “I know this probably sounds really weird. I hope it’s not too out of left field.”
“No,” Buck said. “It’s…I don’t know what to say, Eds.”
“If I’ve freaked you out and you need some space, I understand.”
“That’s not it. At all.” He put his hands to his face for a moment, took a deep breath, then lowered them. “It’s just…what you’re talking about is like…something I’ve always wanted but didn’t know how to describe, and didn’t know it was possible to have.”
Eddie’s heart lifted a little. “Really?”
“Are you surprised?” Buck leaned in this time, fixing him with a wide-eyed gaze. “I’ve spent most of our friendship waiting for you to leave me behind. Either by getting remarried, or moving, or getting transferred, or just realizing that I was too much and pulling away from me. I’ve tried to make myself essential, to be part of your life in a way that you’d miss, so maybe you’d think twice before leaving, but I always knew that someday, it would happen, for some reason or another.” Tears were gathering at his lower lids and Eddie felt like he was going to burst into tears himself. “And now you’re just sitting here and telling me that you want to make it so that I never have to worry about that, ever again? That you want to…make me a priority? I matter that much to you?”
Eddie felt two tears spill over his lids and his heart broke a little. “How can you even question that you matter that much to me? To Christopher?”
“That’s just what I do, Eddie. Question if I matter. You’ll have to give me a little time to adjust. I…I’m not used to anyone putting me first.”
“Well, get used to it, because if we do this, we’ll be each other’s top priority, apart from Chris.” He ducked his head to meet Buck’s lowered eyes. “You’ll be my most important person. And I’ll be yours.”
Buck looked up, his face wet and his chin trembling. “Yes. I want that.”
“Yeah? You’re saying…yes?” Eddie smiled, cautiously starting to hope.
“I mean, there’s stuff to figure out.”
“Oh yeah.”
“But…yes.” He reached out and reclaimed Eddie’s hand, squeezing it tight. “I want us to be family.”
Eddie felt himself tear up again. He stood up and pulled Buck to his feet, then into a hug. “I didn’t even know if you’d understand what I wanted,” he said, into Buck’s shoulder.
“I do. And it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.”
They put the serious discussions aside for long enough to get the pretzels and fresh beers and settle in front of the hockey game. They sat in their usual spots on the sofa, yelling at the refs, exhorting the forwards to shoot, for christ’s sake. It was normal and comfortable and Eddie felt like he was floating. He said yes. He wasn’t freaked out, he didn’t run from the house, he didn’t read anything into it that I didn’t mean. And he said it was all he’d ever wanted.
What that meant was security. Safety. Eddie knew that Buck wanted someone in his life he could count on, someone who chose him, and who he could feel confident wouldn’t leave him. Eddie wanted someone he could trust, someone he could live with, not live for. It was a little miraculous that they could each find it in each other.
At first intermission, Buck put the pretzels down and stretched out his endless legs. “So…this means we’re both saying we’re not going to have a serious relationship with a woman, ever? If we’re going to be each other’s primary person, like, legally?”
Eddie hesitated. He was afraid that this would be a dealbreaker. For him, it didn’t feel like much of a sacrifice, but Buck had always been a lot more into female companionship than he had ever been. “Yes. That’s what we’re saying. I could say that it isn't, to softpedal things, but…yeah.” He sighed. “If that’s too much, I understand.”
“No. That’s good,” Buck said, sounding sure about it, and Eddie realized that Buck hadn’t been asking because of his own desire to someday find a woman. He’d been asking to see if Eddie might. “I just wanted to make sure.” He paused. “I don’t think I can do lifetime celibacy, though.”
Eddie chuckled. “I think we can find a workaround for that. When necessary.”
Buck looked down at his hands. “Eddie, I…I know you know this, but I want kids.”
“We can have kids. We already have a kid. We can have more kids together.”
“You’d want that?”
“Sure.”
A wide, delighted smile spread over his face. “You know what we need? A clipboard.” He jumped up and went to the desk off the kitchen, returning with the item in question.
“Oh, here we go. I have a conditioned response to you with a clipboard.”
“In that it makes you want to listen carefully to anything I say?”
“In that it makes me want to punch you in the face.”
“I’ll just have to stay out of punching range.” He sat down in the wing chair and crossed his legs, uncapping a pen and writing something at the top. “Clearly you’ve been thinking about this whole…life partners thing for a while.”
“A few weeks, yeah.”
“So hit me. What steps should we be talking about, here?”
“Well, first of all, we’ll need to get a new house. With three bedrooms.”
Buck wrote that down. “Yep, absolutely. I know a great realtor. Hey, maybe we could sell this one to Maddie and Chim! I know they’ve been talking about getting into a house.”
Eddie felt a little warm inside at how quickly Buck had started using the pronoun “we” during this conversation. “That’d sure make it easier. Chris will be going to middle school soon, we should nail down where he’ll be before we look at neighborhoods. If we could stay within shouting distance of the rest of the family, that’d be good, too.”
Buck kept writing. “So, like…is this partner thing something we’re just agreeing to, ourselves, or are there lawyers involved?”
“California has a domestic partnership law. That’s probably the way to go. It provides almost all the benefits of marriage, barring a few federal ones that I doubt would be relevant to us.”
“Benefits? Like what?”
“Being on each other’s health insurance, inheriting property, that kind of thing. Hospital visitation rights. It’s just some paperwork. You have to declare you’re over eighteen and not already in some other kind of legal partnership like a marriage, blah blah blah.”
Buck’s pen was steadily flowing across the page. “We should do the life insurance thing, too.”
“Yeah. Not so much that it’s an incentive to murder me, though.”
Buck chuckled. “I can’t imagine any amount of money that would make me want to murder you.”
“Wait till you’ve lived with me for a few weeks.”
“I can’t wait,” Buck said, grinning. He jumped a little, like he’d been goosed. “Oh! And we should do power of attorney.”
“You’re way ahead of where I was when I started thinking about this.” Eddie slid over on the couch so he was next to Buck’s chair. “There is one other pretty important thing, though.”
“What?” Buck’s eyes were still on the clipboard.
“Adoption papers.”
His head snapped up and his mouth fell slightly open. “You…I, uh…you’d want that?”
“Isn’t that a big part of all this? For us to be Chris’s parents, together?”
“I mean, I can do that without…”
“I want you to have that, Buck. I don’t want to be his dad and his dad’s friend. I want us both to be his dads. And we’ll have to ask Christopher what he thinks, but I’m pretty sure he’ll want that, too.”
The tears were shining in Buck’s eyes again. “I can’t…you really are trying to kill me tonight, aren’t you, Diaz?” he said, swiping at his cheeks.
“I know this is a lot all at once. I had planned to parcel out these things over weeks or months, but I didn’t expect you to be so gung-ho right from the jump.”
“I mean, why wait? We’re doing this, let’s fucking do it.” He finally set down the clipboard and folded his hands on his knee. “There is, uh…one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Are we telling people? The house, our families, random people we meet?”
“Why shouldn’t we? It’s not a secret. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“No, I know, but…” He leaned a little closer. “Eds, everyone’s going to assume we’re a couple.”
“Our friends and families will know the truth. And if random people assume that, so what?”
“You’re okay with that?”
Eddie took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Buck, I’m thirty-five years old. I’ve almost died like four times. I’ve watched you almost die nearly as much. This is what I want my life to be. With you, and Chris. You think I give the slightest fuck if people think we’re gay?”
Buck nodded. “Okay. I just wanted to check.”
“You’re not wrong about one thing, though. The hardest part about doing this is going to be explaining it to other people.” He sighed. “We should write out notecards, or something.”
Hockey was nearly forgotten. They spent most of the game (and long into the late night) talking, planning, making lists and throwing out ideas. Eddie’s confidence in what they were doing grew by the moment. No decision he’d ever made in his life had felt this right, and he was deeply gratified — and relieved — at how easily Buck had embraced it.
They decided to tell Christopher the next day, and Buck wanted to tell Maddie. They’d ask Bobby and Athena to host a barbecue at their house as soon as possible, where they’d tell the rest of their friends. Eddie already had an appointment with his lawyer to go over the paperwork they’d need. Once the personal revelations were over and done with, they’d start looking for a new house, and talk to Maddie and Chim about buying the current one.
It was past midnight when Buck finally got up, reluctantly. “I’d stay, but I didn’t bring any clothes, and I want to look properly Dad-like when we tell Chris.”
“If you think he’ll be anything but ecstatic, you’re nuts,” Eddie said, walking him to the door. “Come by at ten. I’m supposed to go pick him up at Bobby and Athena’s. We’ll ask them about hosting a gathering then, and we’ll bring Chris home and talk to him.”
Buck looked nervous. “Fuck, we’re really doing this, aren’t we?”
Eddie’s guts clenched, but he kept his expression neutral. “Not too late to back out.”
“No! No, it’s just…this is the highest number of life-changing discussions I’ve ever had in a five hour period.” He hesitated, looking at Eddie, eyebrows tilted up in the center like he was fighting down his emotions.
“What? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just…” Buck sighed. “It’s gonna take me a while to get used to the idea that I really get to keep you and Chris. For life.”
Eddie’s heart broke a little, for about the tenth time this evening. “For life.”
Eddie was still toweling off when he heard Buck come in the next morning. “Eddie?”
“Just getting out of the shower. Gimme ten minutes.” He quickly dressed and ran a comb through his hair, grabbed his shoes and went out to the living room. Buck was sitting on the arm of the sofa in jeans and a rust-colored quarter-zip sweater over a plaid shirt. Eddie grinned. “So that’s your Dad duds, huh?”
He glanced down at himself. “How did I do? As a fully qualified Dad, I guess I need your feedback.”
“I don’t know if I’m fully qualified, but you look good. Dependable.”
Buck stood up, grinning. “Just how every guy wants to look. Dependable.” Their gaze held for a beat, then Eddie turned away to get his keys.
“Let’s go get our kid, huh?” he said, smiling back at Buck, whose grin spread even wider, if that were possible.
It was a short drive to Bobby and Athena’s. Bobby opened the door, looking slightly surprised to see both of them. “Hey!” he said. “The boys are still in Harry’s room playing games, I’ll get Chris.”
“No, hang on a second,” Eddie said, as he and Buck came inside. “Is Athena here? There’s something we wanted to ask you.”
“Uh…yeah, she’s in the kitchen.” They all trooped in. Athena was peeling potatoes at the kitchen counter.
“Well, hello!” she said, smiling. “Just prepping up some hashbrowns for the freezer. You boys want to sit?”
“Thanks,” Buck said. They sat at the table. Athena wiped her hands and joined them.
“So, what’s going on?” Bobby said. He and Athena exchanged a quick, impenetrable glance and then they both fixed their implacably parental gazes on Buck and Eddie.
“We have a favor to ask,” Eddie said. “We were wondering if you could maybe host a gathering for the house here, soon. We have an announcement we’d like to share, so getting everyone together would be great.”
“Oh?” Athena said, archly. “What kind of announcement?”
“You’ll find out,” Buck said, smirking.
“So you want us to host a party so you can make an announcement and you won’t even tell us what it is?” Bobby said.
“Uh…yes?” Eddie said.
Another quick, impenetrable glance. “I’ll tell you what,” Athena said. “The price for booking a full service Nash-Grant barbecue is advance notice of whatever this announcement is. Too rich for your blood?”
Eddie looked at Buck, who just shrugged. “I guess,” he muttered.
“Well…all right, then,” Eddie said. He blew out a quick breath. “Buck and I have been close friends for a long time, and we’ve decided to become, uh…domestic partners. Life partners.”
Bobby and Athena exchanged yet another glance. “Life partners?”
“Yep.”
Athena’s eyebrows were halfway to her hairline. “I didn’t know you boys had gotten together, when did this happen?”
“No, we’re not together. Not how you mean. We’re going to be…platonic life partners. Buck is going to move in with us, once we find a house with three bedrooms, and he’s going to adopt Chris. We just realized that we have all the support and companionship we need from each other.”
“So…you’re not…together, together,” Bobby said, pointing from one to the other.
“Nope,” Buck said. “Just friends.”
“Huh. That is…honestly, I’ve never heard of anyone doing something like that,” Bobby said.
“I think it’s nice,” Athena said. “There are all kinds of families, who’s to say that two friends can’t make a family together?”
“That’s just what we think,” Buck said, beaming. “We want to have more kids, too.”
“Well, this’ll be an interesting writeup for the departmental paperwork,” Bobby said.
“We’re going to file for a domestic partnership,” Eddie said. “We’re seeing my lawyer on Monday.”
Bobby nodded. He was looking at Buck with something like…relief. “I think this is great for you, Buck.”
“Me too, Cap.”
“So you haven’t told Christopher yet?” Athena asked.
“No, we just made this decision last night. We’re going to tell him once we get home.”
“Well, he’ll be over the moon. He just thinks the sun rises and sets on you, Buck.”
“He might change his mind when I start doing the less fun Dad stuff,” Buck said.
“Oh, man, that’s a benefit I didn’t even think about!” Eddie said. “I won’t always have to be the Bad Cop!”
“I did not agree to be the bad cop dad.”
“Too bad, we’re taking turns.”
Bobby and Athena looked delighted. “I’ll tell Chris you’re here,” Bobby said, getting up.
“We’ll be delighted to host a party for you,” Athena said. “Would this weekend be too soon?”
“No, I think that’ll work,” Eddie said. “We’re on shift Sunday, so everyone should be available on Saturday.”
“Are you going to tell anyone else ahead of time?”
“Buck is seeing Maddie later today. Without Chim,” he said, grinning.
“Good. I have never met a more loose-lipped man in my life.”
“Buck!” Christopher called out, excited, as he emerged from Harry’s room to see them sitting there.
“Hey, bud!” Buck said, getting up to sweep Chris into a hug.
“Guess I know who’s the favorite dad,” Eddie said, sharing a knowing glance with Athena as he moved to join them. He just looked at Chris and Buck for a moment. My family.
Buck sat in the passenger seat of Eddie’s truck listening to Chris monologue about Minecraft and Lego and great white sharks, exchanging amused glances with his (holy shit) new life partner, and feeling like he’d just come down a very twisty and hilly waterslide and landed in the cool, peaceful water to float along under a calm blue sky.
He hadn’t been able to stop hearing Eddie’s words echoing in his head. I want us to be a family. You’ll be my most important person. I want to make a commitment to you. It was nothing he’d ever thought about, and yet…all he’d ever wanted was to belong to someone. To have people who belonged to him. In his head he’d always pictured a wife and children, but…why couldn’t it be his best friend? Why shouldn’t it be? The moment he’d realized what Eddie was really asking, it felt like the answer to a question he hadn’t thought to ask. They’d already been halfway there.
They pulled up to Eddie’s (their) house and he carried Christopher’s bag inside for him. “I gotta look stuff up in my book about sharks,” Christopher said, heading for his room.
“Wait up, buddy,” Eddie said. “Me and Buck need to talk to you about something. Come sit down.”
Christopher gave them both a skeptical look, but sat on the couch. Eddie subtly motioned with his head for Buck to sit next to Chris, while Eddie perched on the arm of the couch behind Buck. “What’s going on?”
“Well…me and Buck have been talking, and you know how we’re best friends and do a lot of things together?”
“Yeah, like cook dinner, play games, and take me to school?”
“Yep, just like that. What would you think if Buck was always around for those things?” Buck couldn’t take his eyes off Chris’s face while Eddie spoke.
“Like…all the time?”
He felt Eddie take a deep breath. “What I’m asking is, what would you think if Buck lived with us?”
Buck saw Chris’s eyebrows shoot up. “For real, Dad?”
“For real.”
“Yeah!” Chris exclaimed, bouncing on the sofa. Buck’s heart soared.
“You’d be okay with that?” he asked Chris.
“If you lived with us? Super okay!” Chris was shaking his fists at the ceiling like he was all up in the club. Buck laughed, it was so cute. “But…where will he sleep?”
“That’s the other part. If you’re good with this, we’ll look for a new house, one that has a bedroom for Buck.”
“So we’ll move?” Chris’s joy fell away and he looked apprehensive.
“Yes, but not far away. We’ll still be near our friends and Harry and Denny and your school.”
“Oh, that’s okay, then.” He looked from Buck’s face to his dad’s and back. “So you’re gonna be like…roommates?”
“More than that,” Eddie said. “Me and Buck have decided to be partners. We’ll live together and take care of you and be a family.”
“Like…wait, is that like being married?”
Eddie chuckled. “A little bit, except there won’t be kissing.”
“Oh, that’s good. Kissing is gross.” Buck and Eddie laughed. “So it’s like…best friends for life?”
Buck felt Eddie’s hand on his shoulder. “Yes. Just like that. Best friends for life.”
Buck glanced up at Eddie, who gave him a silent “go ahead” nudge. “Chris, there’s something else that I need to ask you.”
“Okay.”
“So I think you’re a super awesome kid, and I love you a whole lot, you know that, right?”
Chris nodded. “I love you too, Buck!”
“Since me and your dad are going to be partners, and we’re all going to be a family…well, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to adopt you. Then I’d be your dad, for real, and forever.”
Chris’s eyes were wide. “You would both be my dads?”
“That’s right.”
“You…want to adopt me?”
“If that’s okay with you, that would make me really happy.”
Chris was quiet for a moment; Buck felt a sliver of nervousness slide into his belly. Eddie’s hand was firm on his shoulder. Chris looked up and there were tears in his eyes. “You…really wanna be my dad?”
“More than anything, buddy.”
Chris burst into tears and flopped into Buck’s arms. Buck exhaled and wrapped him up tight, bowing his face into Chris’s curls. Eddie slid to one knee on the floor and put his arms around both of them, meeting Buck’s eyes, relief in his. “When?” Chris asked, his voice clogged with tears. “How soon can you be my dad?”
“Well, there’s forms to fill out, and that’ll take some time, but I can be your dad right now, right this second, if you want.”
Chris nodded and buried himself in Buck’s embrace again. “What can I call you?”
“Call me?”
“I mean…I already have a Dad, it’d just get confusing if I call you Dad, too.” Buck looked at Eddie, his eyes wide.
“You’d want to call me something besides Buck?”
“Well, yeah!” Chris said, sitting up and swiping at his wet face. Eddie wordlessly handed him a Kleenex. “I can’t call you Buck if you’re my dad,” he said, as if it was hopelessly stupid to even suggest such a thing.
“Um…well, do you have any ideas?”
“Hmmmm.” Chris thought for a moment. “How about…Papa?”
The term hit Buck somewhere in the vicinity of his solar plexus. Eddie saw, and put a steadying hand on Buck’s knee. “Papa?” he croaked.
“Yeah! I like that one! Dad and Papa!”
Buck nodded. “That sounds great, bud.” Chris hugged him again and Buck choked back his own tears, not wanting to alarm their son.
Maddie opened the door for him, smiling. “Hey, stranger! I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”
“You saw me last Tuesday.”
“Time gets kind of wonky with a toddler in the house. The hours drag but the days fly by in a flash.”
“Thanks for meeting up.”
“Sure. Chim took Jee-Yun over to Mrs. Lee’s, they’re having dinner there, so we’ve got all afternoon. What’s this big talk you need to have?”
“Sorry for the buildup. I hope you didn’t think something awful happened.”
“Nah. If it were bad news, you wouldn’t have waited. You’d have shown up at the door immediately.”
“You’re not wrong.” They sat down in the living room; Maddie handed him a beer. “So I’ve kind of made some…I guess major life decisions this week. I’m still getting my head around it, but I feel really good about it.”
Maddie’s eyes widened. “Oh God. Are you joining a cult?”
“What? No!”
“Oh, thank God. I was afraid you were about to tell me you’d discovered Scientology or something.”
“Uh, no. Those people are creepy. No, this is just about my, uh…living and relationship situation.”
“Oh, wow, okay.”
Buck squared his shoulders and forged ahead. “I’m going to move in with Eddie and Christopher, once we find a house with three bedrooms.”
Her eyebrows lifted. “Oh! Is that all? I think that’s a fantastic idea! You don’t do great by yourself. You and Eddie are so close, you’d be great roommates. And any parent can use another set of hands.”
“Okay, all those things are true, but it’s kinda more than that.”
“More, how?”
“So, uh…Eddie and I are going to be…platonic life partners?”
She blinked. “Okay, um…say more words.”
“We’re making a commitment to each other, and to being a family. We have an appointment on Monday to see his lawyer, so we can register as domestic partners.”
“Wow, um…that’s not what I expected you to say.” She put her hand on his arm. “Buck, are you and Eddie…together?”
“No, but a life partner doesn’t have to be a romance thing.”
“It doesn’t?” She cocked her head and sat back. “I mean…I guess no, it doesn’t. It’s just such an automatic assumption, in society.”
“That’s just it! It’s society! It puts all these bullshit expectations on everyone about how our relationships are supposed to be, and what our families are supposed to be, and what things are supposed to look like, I mean where did all that even come from? You know, the term ‘nuclear family’ was only coined in the twentieth century, and it only became the most common family structure in the 1950s. In the past, families were all kinds of shapes and sizes. Eddie’s my best friend, we really fit together, so what if we want to be partners and make that permanent? Is that so weird that I’d want that?”
Maddie smiled. “No, Buck. It isn’t weird, not even a little bit.” She took his hand. “You just took me by surprise. And I admit…I wouldn’t have expected you to give up on having relationships with women. That’s what this means, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, kinda. But I mean…you have no idea how much sex I’ve had in my life.”
“Aaaand I don’t want to!”
“Even the last few years, I’ve kind of been over it. Not entirely, and like…we’re working out some provisions for still being able to have that. But what I already have with Eddie is like…comfort, and safety, and just being partners. The thought of building that from scratch with someone I don’t even know yet is…a lot. And I wouldn’t ever want to leave Eddie and Chris behind, any more than I’d want to be the one getting left.” He met her eyes. “I’m really happy, Maddie. I feel…settled. For the first time in maybe my whole life. I get to stop looking over my shoulder, wondering when I’m going to lose my best friend, because he just told me he wants to sign papers telling me that I’m never going to lose him. And…” He hesitated. “I’m going to adopt Christopher. He’s decided he’ll call me Papa. And we want to have more kids together.”
Maddie’s eyes were shining. “My God, Buck. I’m…I don’t even know what to say. I’m so happy for you. I think this is wonderful, for all three of you.” She chuckled. “The only downside might be having to explain it to people constantly!”
Buck rolled his eyes. “God, you’re not kidding. You’re only the second…well, third, if you count Chris, and I’m already sick of it.”
Thankfully, they didn’t have to explain it to Eddie’s lawyer, Graham, who didn’t seem to care in the slightest exactly what their relationship was. He showed them into his office and had them sit facing his desk, while he took a seat behind it and opened a notebook. “Good to see you, Eddie. How’s Christopher?”
“He’s great, thanks. This is my friend, Evan Buckley.”
“I assume this is the same Evan Buckley who was granted guardianship of your son the last time we went over your will?” Graham said, shaking Buck’s hand.
“Yes, he is.”
“What can I do for you today?”
Buck sensed Eddie bracing himself for Questions. “We’d like to register as domestic partners.”
Graham nodded, making notes. “Okay.”
“Is that complicated to do?”
“Not at all, it’ll take ten minutes. I’ll have my assistant print out the forms; she’s also a notary, so she can witness your signatures. The fee is like thirty bucks or something, we submit it to the secretary of state, and it’s done. You’ll get a certificate from the state once they’ve filed it. That is, provided you fulfill all the requirements.”
“What are those?”
Graham had been looking something up on his computer while speaking. “I’m just pulling those up. Hmm. California family code section 297 defines a domestic partnership as ‘two adults who have chosen to share one another’s lives in a committed relationship of mutual caring.’ That’s a charming description, isn’t it?”
Buck met Eddie’s eyes. “Yep, that’s us,” he said, quietly.
“The requirements are just that you’re over 18, not already in a registered relationship like a marriage, and are able to consent. Check on all counts, I think.”
“We’d also like to start the process of Buck adopting my son.”
“Oh, that’s a little more involved. There’s a procedure that includes an interview with a social worker - don’t look like that, it’s really not scary - and a court hearing. Given that Christopher’s mother is deceased, that means we can skip the steps about notifying the non-custodial parent. I do recommend we get the domestic partnership registered first before you start that process. It will help with the interview and the hearing to have established a legalized relationship.”
“I guess we’re not really in a rush, except for just wanting to get it done.”
“I really can’t say how long it’ll take. The courts are still backed up from covid. But we’ll get the ball rolling as soon as your domestic partnership comes through. We can do the forms now, and I’ll just hang on to them and file them when that happens, okay?”
“Great. We also both need power of attorney.”
“I think that’s a smart move. I recommend a durable power of attorney most of the time.”
“What’s the ‘durable’ part mean?” Buck asked.
“Ordinary power of attorney expires when the grantor is incapacitated, but durable only expires when the grantor is deceased.”
“So if one of us is medically incapacitated, a durable power of attorney still gives the other medical authority,” Eddie said.
“Oh yeah, that’s what we need.”
“I’ll get started on that. I’ll get the standard verbiage, add in some provisions for your specific situations, and we’ll go from there? That, I will have to get back to you on. The domestic partnership paperwork we can do right now. And we should revisit both of your wills while we’re at it.”
Eddie nodded. “Good. Let’s get started.”
For a moment, there was just…silence, and a lot of surprised faces.
Eddie could feel Buck taut like a bowstring at his side, both of them standing at the head of the big table on Bobby and Athena’s patio, all of their friends gaping up at them. His face felt frozen.
Ravi broke the silence. “Wait, you’re doing what, now?” Maddie, who already knew, was glancing around and looked like she wanted to dive in and explain everything herself.
Buck sighed. “We’re moving in together, buying a new house, I’m adopting Christopher, we’re registering as domestic partners, and no, this isn’t a romance thing,” he rattled off. Eddie snorted.
Chimney gasped. “You’re hetero life partners!” he said, pointing at them.
“Like Jay and Silent Bob!” Karen cried, throwing her hands up.
Hen looked at her. “Who are Jay and Silent Bob?”
“Oh honey, they’re gonna take away your Gen X membership card if you’ve never seen ‘Clerks.’”
“It’s like Bros for Life!” Ravi exclaimed. “Awesome!”
"Not Bros for Life," Chimney said. "Husbros!" He looked infuriatingly proud of himself for this linguistic triumph.
"Oh God, that's gonna be a thing now," Buck muttered.
Everyone laughed, and the tension was lifted. Christopher reached up and grabbed Buck’s hand.. “Buck’s gonna be my Papa now.”
“I sure am, buddy,” Buck said, ruffling his hair.
“I think that’s really cool,” May said. “Forge your own path. Make your own kind of family.”
Athena smiled at her. “Well said, baby.”
“So, when is this all happening?” Hen asked, as Eddie and Buck sat back down, and the wine bottles started moving around the table again.
“We filed the partnership paperwork last Monday. My lawyer said it wouldn’t take more than a few weeks to get it back. Then we can start the adoption paperwork. We figured the social worker visit part of it would be easier if we had the partnership legalized.”
Karen nodded. “I think our social worker does those adoption interviews. She’s very experienced with non-traditional couples. I could call her, and ask if she can get herself assigned to your case?”
“Oh my God, Karen, that’d be amazing,” Buck said. “Yes, thank you.”
“I’ll text you when we have a case number,” Eddie said. Karen shot him a thumbs-up.
“You know, we always say our firehouse is a family, but I think you guys might be taking it a little far,” Chimney said, his eyes twinkling.
“Says the guy who got my sister pregnant,” Buck shot back.
“Oh ho! The gloves come off!” Chimney said, clutching his chest. “Wait a second…you knew about this, didn’t you?” he said to Maddie.
She turtled down into her shoulders a bit. “He told me a week ago.”
“Full disclosure, Athena and I knew, too,” Bobby said.
“I said we’re not holding a barbecue for a secret announcement. Hosts’ privilege,” Athena said.
“You’re not going to move far away, are you?” Denny said, looking anxious.
“No way, man. Might take some time to dig up a three bedroom we can afford, but we’ll stay in the area.”
“Speaking of, Maddie, any chance you and Chim would want to buy Eddie’s current place?”
They looked at each other. “I mean…we’ve talked about looking for one but the market’s just so bonkers.”
“I’ll give you a fair price,” Eddie said. “And that way it doesn’t ever have to go on the market. You won’t have to worry about being outbid.”
Maddie grabbed Chimney’s hand. “That would be so great, Eddie. Let’s talk about it more when you guys find a place.”
“Buck, are you moving in before then?”
“We thought about it, but no. I’m already over there all the time, we’ll just keep doing what we’re doing. I can’t spend every night on that damn couch.”
“You can sleep in my room!” Christopher said.
“Then where would you sleep?” Eddie asked, smiling.
“I can sleep on the couch, I'm littler than Papa.” Everyone laughed.
“Yeah, and so is your bed, I don’t think he’d fit there, either.” He half-waited for Christopher to make the next logical suggestion, but to his relief, he didn’t.
Maddie was in the kitchen refilling the veggie tray when Chimney, Hen and Karen joined her there in a blatantly coordinated private confab. “Okay, so what do we really think of this?” Hen said, leaning in.
They all looked at each other, waiting for someone else to speak first.
Chimney’s lips curled in a slow smile. “Honestly? I think it’s cool.”
“I was a little weirded out at first, but yeah. Me, too,” Hen said.
“Why were you weirded out?” Karen said, sounding defensive. “Why can’t two straight guys decide to be life partners?”
“They can, I just have never heard of any who did. And I can’t believe Buck’s ready to never have a girlfriend again.”
“Is that even the case, though?” Chimney said.
“It has to be. What’s the point of committing to a domestic partnership if one of you might decide to go off and marry a woman?” Karen said.
“Yeah, because that never happens to married people,” Hen said.
Maddie put out a hand. “It’s none of my business, but Buck implied to me that they have…provisions…for if either of them want some, uh…female company. But you’re right, Karen. They want to prioritize their partnership. And I don’t think that’s as weird an idea for Buck as you do, Chim. He’s not the guy he was five years ago.”
“No, that’s for sure.”
She looked out towards the patio where Buck and Eddie were talking to Athena and May. Buck had his arm casually propped on Eddie’s shoulder. “My brother has never felt worthy,” she said, quietly. “He never thought he deserved to be chosen, and you all know he has a deep need to belong. Eddie’s been treating him like family for years. So for him to hear that Eddie’s choosing him to spend the rest of his life with? It’s exactly what he wanted, but never even thought was an option.”
“And we really don’t think they’re…you know,” Chimney said.
“I think we should take them at their word on that,” Hen said. “Also, it’s pretty revolutionary that a pair of firefighters are stepping up to be there for each other and don’t care if a lot of people are going to assume all kinds of things about them. Gives me hope for non-toxic masculinity.”
Eddie carried a sleeping Christopher into bed, tucked him in, then rejoined Buck in the kitchen. He was prepping the coffeemaker for the morning’s brew. “You staying?” he said.
“Nah, I gotta go home.”
“You don’t have to do my coffee prep.”
“I’m standing here, might as well.” He closed the lid and turned around. “So that went…fine?”
“Yeah, I think so. Please God, tell me we’re done giving that spiel.”
“For the time being, yes, but I don’t think we’re ever going to be done giving that spiel.”
“I wish we could just invent a new term to use for each other that everyone would understand.”
“Like 'husbro,"” Buck said, smirking.
Eddie snorted. “I will die before I call you my husbro."
“Well, our families know, our friends know, your lawyer knows, so…now what?”
“Paperwork. Adoption papers. Life insurance. Paperwork at the station for the relationship disclosure. Power of attorney.”
“Are you nervous that we have to have this interview thing for the adoption?” Buck said, shifting his weight.
“Not even a little bit.”
Buck’s eyebrows lifted. “No?”
“Any social worker’s going to come in here and see immediately that Christopher adores you, you adore him, we’re committed to making a stable home together and we’re doing all kinds of super boring adult things like filling out forms to make sure that happens.”
“You make it sound so mature.”
“Isn’t it?” He took a step forward into Buck’s personal space. “I was really anxious about all of this. I didn’t know how you’d react, or if it would even be possible. But every day, I feel more like this is the best decision I’ve ever made.”
Buck smiled. “Me, too.” He held out his arms. “Hug it out?”
Eddie chuckled and hugged him, cupping the back of his neck briefly. They pulled away. “Husbro,” Eddie muttered.
“Ah HA! You like it!”
“I absolutely do not.” He sighed. “Okay, Buckley. Let’s get on Zillow and try to find ourselves a damn house.”