Archive of Our Own

A groan escaped Vi, and she slammed her fist into the wall. Brick dust and splinters peppered down around her, and she sank her teeth into her lip. The empty warehouse yawned back, the scrawled monkey on the wall grinning in mockery. Already the paint was faded, meaning it had been planted here weeks ago. Yet another dead end. Despite all the witnesses she’d questioned, all the time skulking around the Lanes, chasing trails of neon paint and gunpowder, she was still no closer to locating Jinx. Every time she would slip through Vi’s fingers, and Vi was getting sick of it. She wondered if her sister enjoyed trolling her, setting up yet another fake path so she could laugh at her from the shadows.

You can’t catch me, sis. So don’t bother trying.

Those had been her parting words three years ago. Three years since her devastating attack on the Council, and the ignition of the Piltover-Zaun conflict. The spark that had almost thrown everything into all-out war, if not for the incredible efforts of some incredible people, on both sides.

But that wasn’t what haunted Vi. That creepy banqueting table was what stuck in her mind. She’d been so close, so damn close to getting her sister to come to her senses, to push back against the insanity Silco had been feeding her all these years. For all Jinx’s brashness, Vi had seen how much the past still hurt her, how much they missed each other and wanted to make amends. How much they wanted to be a family again.

But when it came down to it, Jinx had shown her true colours. She didn’t want to go back to being Powder, to having what they had. It wasn’t enough anymore. And so she’d cast it all in flames, leaving Vi to pick up the smouldering pieces.

Vi shook her head, clenching and unclenching her fists. The memory brought a clamminess to her neck, stirring tension between her shoulders that never truly eased. It had been a vile pill to swallow, watching her sister walk away so coldly. Her own flesh and blood rejecting her, ignorant of the lonely years Vi had spent clinging onto the hope of reunion. Of comfort, of peace. Of love. It had been that drive that pushed Vi to survive, to keep chasing the phantom dream that edged further and further away.

But every red herring chipped off a little piece of Vi, and after all this time, it was taking its toll. The Lanes had become such a lonely place, never friendly, but no longer familiar, either. Faces who once knew her had all but forgotten, or changed to the point of being strangers again, and she had no-one to rely on anymore. It was little different from Stillwater. A chilling, isolated, friendless existence that held nothing but empty pain and endless darkness. A fate at one point she was prepared to resign herself to, if not for a blue-haired Enforcer suddenly stumbling into her life.

Vi sighed, closing her eyes. That moment would forever be engraved into her memory. The measured footfalls, the flaking plaster, the tight knot in her stomach as she anticipated the worst, and then the long, long silence when they faced each other for the first time.

It had changed everything, and Vi still felt the ripples of that encounter even now. She would never forget those early days together, where they’d gone from total strangers to willing to save each other’s lives. It had happened with such urgency, Vi wouldn’t have believed it had she not experienced it herself. Their relationship, however, was anything but a spent flame. It was much more a hearth, constantly fed with fresh kindling, and as a result, ever-growing.

Yet now the thought of Caitlyn made her chest ache. After Jinx’s attack—the affirmation that Powder was gone and no longer needed Vi—she and the Enforcer had stuck together. Vi had taken Caitlyn back to Piltover, helping in the aftermath of the explosion. Both had been shaken to their core, and being there for each other had been the only thing to get them through. Those weeks were precious to Vi, where she had really come to know Caitlyn, and herself, and how they fit together. Slow nights of exploration, of endless conversation and confession and everything in between. Sharing a piece of herself long buried, to the point Vi hadn’t known it still existed. Caitlyn had rekindled it anew, and Vi was forever grateful to have her second chance.

But something always kept calling her to Jinx. It plagued every thought, every dream, until Vi couldn’t ignore it any longer. And it had torn her up inside. Caitlyn had given everything she could ever want, and she would have to cruelly push it aside. All for a past she had no guarantee she could revive.

That conversation left welts across her heart. Even now she could picture Caitlyn’s stare of disbelief, her disappointment and heartbreak mirroring her own. An echo of that night in the rain both of them had wanted to forget. Caitlyn wanted more, and Vi wanted it too, but nothing would quell that nagging voice. She just couldn’t let her sister go.

Caitlyn had been adamant to help, of course, but Vi couldn’t have that, either. Jinx wouldn’t take kindly to seeing Caitlyn again, and Vi had already come far too close to losing her. No, this was her fight, and she had to face it.

Alone.

And so, that was the arrangement they reached. Vi would spend her days hunting, and whenever the trails dried up, she returned to Piltover, waiting for her next chance. It would only be for a few days or weeks, but those moments were worth more than liquid gold. Every touch, every kiss, even the sadness whenever they had to part ways once more, it renewed the hearth that kept Vi warm during the hardest times. Reuniting made those long days apart melt away, and Vi cherished every moment, replaying them over and over so as to never forget.

Each time, Caitlyn would whisper the temptation to stay with her.

And each time, Vi would turn it down. Still grasping at the thinnest of threads that her sister would want her back, that she could have the best of both worlds.

But how long could she go on like this?

How long could Caitlyn go on like this…

Vi turned around, abandoning the warehouse. She tucked her fists into her pockets, starting a careless saunter towards the bridge. Her thoughts tumbled and spilled, like silt stirred from the bottom of a river. Every failed attempt brought up these same ruminations, the same arguments and counterarguments. Her entire life, Vi had sacrificed for the sake of others. It was all she knew. Now she was finally chasing her own desire, yet it was an endless revolution in the same spinning wheel. Jinx was toying with her, revelling in the madness of repetition. Knowing Vi too well, that she would punch and punch until the world came crumbling down, or she broke herself trying.

Giving up the possibility of a future, because the promise of the past had her in a chokehold.

“I can’t give up,” Vi muttered to herself. Words that had become her mantra, pushing her to keep going, and going, and going. She would make Jinx see how much she still cared. She had to. But the cracks of exhaustion were starting to fissure. That idealised image of Powder running into her arms, returning to the curious, inventive little sister Vi adored, having a chance to make up for those long years of separation; truly, it was all smoke between her fingers.

Vi gripped her temples. She didn’t want to think. It was too painful. And with this latest lost chance, there was nothing to do but head back to Piltover. Spill her heart to Caitlyn, as per usual, rejuvenate herself with some time together, and then…

What happened to not thinking?

Focusing on the road, Vi climbed towards the bridge. She scaled pipes and rooftops, eventually spotting the barricade. The air was cloaked in fog and lamplight, so much like that night where she’d almost lost Caitlyn to a hailstorm of bullets. But since Caitlyn had been promoted to Sheriff, the barriers were more for show than anything else.

Vi passed through without question, her steps automatically directing her to the Enforcer headquarters. The sun had long set, but she knew Caitlyn would be burning the midnight oil. She’d really taken to her new role, and with Jayce’s help, she’d begun the arduous task of cleaning up the corruption and taking control against Zaun’s lowliest. She’d met with a lot of resistance, even from her peers, but her unwavering dedication and deductive eye had earned her respect, enough her dissenters had eventually fallen silent. There was a long, long way to go, but if anyone could achieve the impossible, it would be her.

A smile spread across Vi’s lips as she turned the corner. She’d always known there was something special about Caitlyn from the moment they’d lain eyes on each other. She presumed she was nothing more than a spoiled, entitled topsider, just like the rest of her kind, but Caitlyn had shattered every preconception. She was perceptive and resilient, able to rise to every challenge Vi threw at her. She also treated Vi as an equal, a far cry from her Enforcer peers in Stillwater that revelled in every beat down. And even after they’d grown so close, Vi found she still discovered things that made her feelings run even deeper.

From the way Caitlyn would tilt her head when deep in thought, or twirl a strand of hair in her finger when nervous. How Vi could ease her into the most beautiful smile, the playful scoffs whenever they teased each other. Her actual, real laugh, which wasn’t nearly as elegant as she pretended, but was music to Vi’s ears all the same. The way she’d briefly hold her breath when initiating a kiss, her sighs of contentment when Vi touched certain places on her back or hip. The softness in her eyes when she looked at Vi, something she never did for anyone else. It was all imprinted onto Vi, a private library she could revisit whenever she wanted, and yet she always yearned for new content to fill its halls.

At last, Vi reached the precinct. As she guessed, a lantern glowed in the Sheriff’s office. Caitlyn was still here, alright. Vi traipsed up the steps, pushing open the door. The hall was dark, the staff having long gone home, but she knew the way well enough. She wandered around the desks and corridors, reaching the back of the building.

Caitlyn’s door was ajar. Vi gently pushed it aside, spying out her beloved. Caitlyn was hunched over her desk, reading a report. Orange lantern-light bathed her face, a warm contrast to the navy hair cascading down her back. It was longer than Vi remembered, reaching to just above the small of her back. Her uniform hugged her in all the right places, and her collar was unbuttoned, revealing glimpses of her gorgeous collarbones.

For a while Vi stared in admiration. Even in her rumpled work clothes, Caitlyn could still take her breath away. Then Caitlyn’s head bobbed, eyes half-closing, only for her to jerk awake again. The spell broke, and Vi sighed. This clearly wasn’t her first late night.

So engrossed, Caitlyn didn’t notice Vi, until Vi rapped on the glass.

Caitlyn blinked, snapping her head up. The panic melted in an instant, and her eyes lit up.

“Vi!” A broad smile spread over her lips. Vi smiled back, though hers was tinged with concern. She was used to seeing Caitlyn tired, but this was something else. Her eyes were bloodshot, lined with dark circles, her left eyelid was twitching, and from her half-grimace, she must have been having a killer headache, too. How long had it been since she’d last had a break?

“Surprise, Cupcake.” Vi sat on the desk. “You look terrible.”

Caitlyn pulled a face.

“You’re hardly looking your best, either.” She dropped her paper, making to stand, but she had to catch herself on her desk. Alarmed, Vi bolted to her side, curling an arm around her waist. Caitlyn’s body sagged with weariness, and Vi had to help her sit.

“Whoa, easy.” She kept her arm around Caitlyn, who leant into her. Vi pulled her close, gently massaging her temple. “You really are shattered, Cupcake. Shouldn’t you call it quits already?”

Caitlyn rubbed her eyes.

“I’m so close to a breakthrough, Vi.” She pulled away, her eyes dancing over the report. “If I can crack this, I can bring down the biggest shimmer smuggling ring.” A long yawn cut her off, and she rested against Vi. “I…wasn’t expecting you.”

“Do you ever?” Vi teased, running a hand through Caitlyn’s hair. Caitlyn closed her eyes, almost purring at her touch.

“Well, you don’t tend to give me warning, this is true,” she murmured. “I suppose you ran into another dead end?”

“How’d you guess,” Vi said, some of the mirth disappearing from her voice.

Caitlyn wrapped her arm around her. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, kinda used to it by now,” Vi shrugged. “Speaking of, I doubt you’re gonna get much further on this.” She pushed the report aside, then brushed her lips over Caitlyn’s cheek. “Besides, now you have a reason to hurry home.”

Caitlyn chuckled.

“Okay, okay.” She squirmed out of Vi’s grip. “Five more minutes, I swear.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“Sure.” Caitlyn bit back another yawn, pressing her palm to her forehead. “Do me a favour, then. There’s a file on the front desk I need, could you fetch it for me?”

“Wow.” Vi folded her arms. “Not even back for two minutes and you’re already bossing me around.”

Caitlyn stuck her tongue out, and Vi laughed. “Alright, Cupcake, I get it. Be right back.”

Vi wandered into the hall, heading to the reception area. Sure enough, a lone file sat on the front desk. No sooner had Vi picked it up, however, when a loud thunk echoed from the Sheriff’s office.

“Cupcake?”

No answer.

Vi dropped the file, tearing back into the room. Her breath caught.

Caitlyn was on the floor.

And she wasn’t moving.

*****

“Will she be okay?”

Vi was almost afraid to ask, pacing behind Tobias Kiramman. He sat at Caitlyn’s bedside, removing the drip he’d set up earlier. Caitlyn was in her camisole and shorts, tucked in the sheets, her breaths soft and even. She hadn’t opened her eyes since her collapse, and Vi wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. She’d carried Caitlyn all the way to the Kiramman mansion, almost getting into serious trouble for ‘accosting the Sheriff’, until Tobias vouched for her. An experience she didn’t want to repeat anytime soon.

“She’ll be fine,” Tobias said, discarding the needle and empty bag of fluid. Something about his practiced motion suggested this wasn’t the first time he’d done this. “Poor thing, I knew she was working herself too hard. I didn’t think it would go this far.” He sighed, stroking his daughter’s forehead. “She’s been trying to hide it from me, but I know she hasn’t slept for weeks.”

Weeks? A pang echoed in Vi’s chest. Ever since she last left for Jinx.

“Why didn’t she say anything?” Vi asked.

Tobias ran a hand through his hair.

“Cait’s always been dedicated to her work, just like her mother,” he said. “It does sometimes get the better of her, though, which isn’t always to her benefit. She spends so much time looking after everyone else, she neglects to look after herself.” He stood up, rubbing his brows. “I hate to ask this of you, Violet, but you know as well as I do how stubborn our dear Cait can be. See she gets the sleep she’s been missing. I just know she’ll be up and about again when she opens her eyes, and we can’t have that. Not yet.”

Vi nodded. “Not a problem.”

“Thank you.” Tobias clasped her hand. “She’ll need a few days to reset her internal clock, so get her to take it easy as much as you can. Call me if you need anything else.”

“Will do,” Vi promised. “Have a good night, Mr Kiramman.”

“You too, Violet.”

He left the bedroom. As the door closed, Vi sighed. Over-exhaustion. At least it wasn’t anything more serious.

She shrugged off her jacket, stifling a yawn of her own. She’d had quite a long day herself, but she could last a little longer. And she could think of worse ways to spend a night rather than tucked up with her Cupcake.

She sat on the edge of the bed, unlacing her boots. As Vi kicked them off, about to start on her wraps, Caitlyn stirred. She tried to push the sheets away, making to sit up.

“Hey, not yet.” Vi reached out, gently pressing on her chest. Caitlyn’s heart pulsed against her fingertips, but Caitlyn refused to sink back down. Vi moved closer, spreading her palm over Caitlyn’s breastbone and pushing more firmly. Caitlyn eventually gave in, flopping onto her back. Before she could renew her attempt, Vi slid under the sheets and coiled around her. Trapped in her embrace, Caitlyn mumbled something unintelligible.

“Language,” Vi chided, smirking. “I didn’t think topsiders knew how to swear.”

“Le’ go,” Caitlyn slurred.

“Not this time, Cupcake.” Vi pressed in closer. “Go back to sleep. Doctor’s orders.”

A soft whine was her answer.

“C’mon, Cait.” Vi glanced her lips against Caitlyn’s neck. “I’ll be right here with you. Promise.”

That seemed to placate Caitlyn. She wrapped her arms around Vi, curling into her chest. Vi smiled, running her fingers down Caitlyn’s scalp. She traced circles across the back of her neck, continuing along the path of her spine, all the way to her lower back. Caitlyn fell still, the tension in her muscles easing. Her breathing slowed, and Vi shifted her hand, stroking along the perfect angle of her jawline. As always, her skin was so soft, even beneath the lines of exhaustion that framed her face.

“How’re you always so damn beautiful?” Vi whispered to herself. She nuzzled Caitlyn’s hair, marvelling at its iris-like scent. Caitlyn always smelled like the spring, fresh and full of life. Her other hand slipped under her camisole, resting her fingers against the small of her back. Caitlyn let out a contented sigh, nestling into Vi’s shoulder. Vi closed her eyes, feeling the rise and fall of Caitlyn’s chest, the flow of her breaths against her neck, the perfect way they moulded against each other. All these things she knew so well, yet felt like a new experience each time.

All these things she took for granted.

The thought made Vi open her eyes again. It was an ugly truth, but a truth all the same. The last three years, they’d fallen into this uneasy routine. At first, it had taken quite an adjustment. After so many weeks seldom out of each other’s arms, that first night alone had hit hard. Vi had barely slept for minutes at a time, finding it impossible to settle without another warm body pressed against hers. Her old nightmares from Stillwater also erupted, mimicking those cold, desolate nights within those concrete walls. More than once Vi had startled awake, the afterimages of iron bars plastered across her vision. The second night had come close to breaking her, and she’d almost, almost run straight back to Piltover. Almost.

As luck would have it, Jinx left a tantalizing calling card the following morning, and Vi had thrown herself into chasing it. With her mind pre-occupied, it had been enough to endure those painful nights. And gradually, Vi made herself get used to sleeping alone.

Yet when Vi and Caitlyn finally did return to each other, it was as if they’d never been apart. It would undo Vi in an instant, and after the difficult goodbyes, she would have to train herself out of it all over again. Still, it remained a far better compromise than her disastrous oil and water. Vi knew now, without a shadow of doubt, she’d rather strangle herself with her own gauntlets than let that happen again. Caitlyn was far too deep a part of her for anything else. Even if she was always left wanting more, it was leagues better than total separation. Something that didn’t bear thinking about.

And even though Vi’s answer never changed, even though it was well within Caitlyn’s power to do so, she never stopped Vi leaving. It was something that couldn’t be spelled out in words, a level of understanding Vi had never experienced with anyone, and probably never would. An unspoken knowing that rose above the heartache, a trust strong enough that Caitlyn knew Vi would always come back to her.

Until now, Vi thought it was enough. Like returning to a wellspring after a stint in the desert. Every time she was careful not to run it dry, so it would still be there when she returned. Never promising too much, falling too deep, or giving in, all so she could keep Jinx at the forefront.

But the desert was ever expanding, becoming an uncrossable wasteland. Vi could keep wading through the sandstorm, but eventually there’d come a point where she couldn’t go any further. Even without Jinx, there were plenty in the undercity who held her responsible for Silco’s demise, and even more who knew of her association with topside. A moment of poor luck, of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and everything would shatter. Caitlyn’s heart, above all else.

How long would Vi walk the same tightrope, tempting fate as she had that rainy night?

How long would the echoes of the past keep luring, chaining her to a memory that could never be realised?

Vi let out a slow breath. She stared at the skylight, absently stroking Caitlyn’s hair. It wasn’t the first time these thoughts had swelled, but she’d never known them to be this relentless. Any other time, she’d have been prowling the streets, looking for an excuse to burn her restlessness. But not tonight. For a change, she had to sit with herself. Sit with the whispers of regret, of doubt and longing and not drown them with the sound of pounding fists.

Without that, was she even strong enough to resist…

Caitlyn’s arm twitched. Vi ran her hand over her shoulder, soothing. She watched Caitlyn’s face, disappointed when her expression failed to relax. Her lips held a downward slant, her eyelids tensed, her brows a little more creased than they should have been. A worry usually buried deep, only allowed to emerge when her defences were completely disarmed. It left a knot in Vi’s stomach, and an unspoken fear on the tip of her tongue.

“Vi…” Her name broke from Caitlyn’s lips, unmistakable.

“Here,” Vi answered.

Caitlyn pressed herself into Vi’s chest, shivering. Something warm and damp seeped into Vi’s shirt, and her eyes widened.

Caitlyn was…crying?

“Cupcake…” Vi held Caitlyn tighter, raking her fingers along her neck. Caitlyn continued to silently weep, and Vi felt a piece of her break inside. She wanted so badly to wake her, to ask what was wrong, but she couldn’t break her oath. Caitlyn had run herself ragged, dangerously so. She had to let her sleep.

But Vi was starting to wonder if she’d found the reason for her beloved’s insomnia.

“Stay,” Caitlyn whispered, tearful, breathless. “Stay…please…why won’t…you stay…”

Vi felt her own tears prickle. She ran her thumb over Caitlyn’s cheek. Her skin was so delicate, and she brushed her lips against it, tasting the salt-trails. She pulled Caitlyn to her chest again, rubbing her back in gentle motions.

“It’s me, isn’t it?” Vi leant her nose against Caitlyn’s forehead. “I’m the reason you’re working yourself into the ground.”

Suddenly Caitlyn rolled aside, so her back faced Vi. Slowly, Vi leant against Caitlyn’s shoulder-blade, listening to her heartbeat. Strong and steady, like her own. Yet behind it lay a deep, unspoken pain. One Vi was directly responsible for.

A lump rose in Vi’s throat, and she couldn’t swallow it away. She’d put up the distance between them, and had presumed Caitlyn was fine with it. Caitlyn had never stopped her, after all. So long as Vi came back, that was the important thing, right?

…spends so much time looking after everyone else, she neglects to look after herself…

Tobias’s words slivered through her mind, bringing with it sudden clarity. Vi winced, wanting to kick herself. How could she not have seen sooner?

Caitlyn always let her leave, hiding how she truly felt…because to her, what Vi wanted was more important than what she wanted.

Swallowing, Vi cuddled against Caitlyn, trying to digest this revelation. Vi had always been the one to take on everyone’s burdens, burying her own because they didn’t matter. Yet now Caitlyn had her on the other end, she was starting to realise the cost of such a choice.

Could she still afford to pay it?

Caitlyn shifted, grasping Vi’s wrist as it remained encircled around her. An affirmation to not let go. Vi answered by squeezing tighter, locking her arms around Caitlyn’s ribs.

“I’m sorry.” Vi kissed the nape of Caitlyn’s neck. “You deserve so much more than this.”

Caitlyn remained still, her tears drying on her cheeks. The nightmare seemed to have ebbed. In its place, Vi felt her own weariness hit. She closed her eyes again, the world falling to stillness. Just before the darkness claimed her, a final thought crept through.

Do I chase a past that can never be?

Or a future I might never see?

*****

A bright strip of sunlight glanced over Vi, and she blinked awake. For a moment she was disorientated, not used to such comfortable sheets and the warmth of another pressed against her. Then it all came racing back, and she brushed a hand over her eyes. Midmorning light crept through the window, spilling onto Caitlyn’s bed. It played across Caitlyn’s face, who lay on the pillow beside her, deep in sleep. Nose to nose, Vi felt her beloved’s breaths caress her lips. The furrows from the night had eased, and she looked a lot more peaceful.

Vi cupped her cheek, letting Caitlyn’s long, silken hair drift over the back of her hand. It was rare to see Caitlyn like this, since she would usually awaken first. Now Vi could admire every detail, another memory to add to her archive. Her eyes traced Caitlyn’s forehead, her nose, her cheeks, finally settling on her lips. The latter were slightly parted, and Vi tenderly brushed her thumb over them. The temptation was too much, and she furled her hand around Caitlyn’s jaw, bringing them into a light, feathery kiss. Barely a breath escaped between them, and Vi withdrew, exhaling.

At the same moment, Caitlyn’s eyelids flickered. Clumsily she chased after Vi, knocking their brows together, until Vi tilted her chin and united their lips again. Caitlyn hummed, content as she snared her arms around Vi. Vi’s breaths hitched when Caitlyn’s tongue brushed against hers, and she eagerly returned the favour. She revelled in Caitlyn’s taste, a heady cocktail of tea and peppermint and something she could never quite put her finger on, but was addictive all the same.

Eventually Caitlyn pulled away, savouring their lingering touches.

“You’re here,” she whispered, nuzzling Vi’s cheek.

“Sure am.” Vi gave Caitlyn’s nose a cheeky lick. Caitlyn’s face crumpled into a giggle, and Vi felt the hearth within flourish once more. Caitlyn stole another brief kiss, before burrowing into Vi’s neck. Vi chuckled, her breaths tickling. “Did you sleep well?”

Caitlyn nodded. “Thanks to you.”

“I’m glad for that.” Vi tucked a strand of hair behind Caitlyn’s ear. “You had me and your Dad worried.”

Caitlyn fell quiet. She rolled onto her pillow, her eyes growing distant. Vi sighed. The silence stretched on, and she licked her lips.

“Something on your mind?”

Caitlyn hesitated.

“It’s…nothing.” She closed her eyes, giving a long stretch. As she settled into the sheets, Vi caught her hand, entwining their fingers.

“You sure?” She held Caitlyn’s gaze, sincere. “You know you can tell me anything, Cupcake.”

“I…I know.” Caitlyn squeezed Vi’s hand, curling into her shoulder. “I just…I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

A crease of darkness crept into Caitlyn’s eyes. It was so swift, Vi wondered if she’d imagined it.

Something was bothering her.

“Your dad told me you’ve been having trouble sleeping.” Vi decided to switch gears. “Want to tell me about it?”

“You know I’ve always been a light sleeper,” Caitlyn answered. Deflecting.

“You’ve never passed out at work before.”

“I told you, that case…”

Vi pressed her finger to Caitlyn’s lips.

“Bullshit. It’s because of me, isn’t it?”

Caitlyn looked away, wounded. Vi grimaced. She’d hit the nail on the head. She swallowed, the tightness in her throat returning. Their hands remained together, but when Vi tried to pull away, Caitlyn wouldn’t let her.

“It’s not…you haven’t done anything wrong,” Caitlyn began. “It’s just…” She brought Vi’s hand to her lips, kissing her knuckles. “We both have a path to follow, one we chose for ourselves. And it’s not like they never cross. But…”

“They don’t cross often enough?”

Caitlyn’s cheeks flushed. She turned aside, unable to meet Vi’s eyes.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Caitlyn.” Vi sat up. “It’s not like you to be evasive.” She touched Caitlyn’s arm. “Whatever you need to say…”

Caitlyn closed her eyes, deliberating.

“I’m being stupid and selfish. That’s all.” She pulled the sheets over herself. Hoping to end the conversation there.

Vi sighed.

“If anyone’s the stupid and selfish one, it’s me,” she said. “You shouldn’t have run yourself ragged like this.”

Caitlyn huffed. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Vi rolled her eyes. She grabbed the sheets, snatching them away. Before Caitlyn could react, Vi pinned her to the bed. She spread her arms either side of Caitlyn’s head, so she couldn’t turn away.

“Cupcake, enough.” Vi’s gaze was soft. “You’re hurting, and I know it’s because of…how things are.”

Caitlyn averted her eyes.

“It won’t change anything.”

“Try me.”

Caitlyn bit her lip.

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” she said at last. “I’ve always had everything handed to me on a silver platter. But you…” She curled her fingers in Vi’s hair, smoothing out the tangles. “You never got to choose, Vi. You want your sister back more than anything, and I…I ruined things the first time. After all you’ve done for me, the least you deserve is another chance.”

“You’re not the one who gets to set that price,” Vi said. “Not when it leaves you like this.”

“It won’t happen again,” Caitlyn promised.

Vi held Caitlyn’s cheek.

“You’re worth everything to me, Cupcake.” Her eyes darted to the plaster on Caitlyn’s wrist, where the drip had been connected. “But I can’t be worth…this.” She gripped Caitlyn’s hand, holding tight. “I’m an idiot for not asking sooner, but I need to know what you want.”

Caitlyn tried to turn away again, but Vi wouldn’t let go. Piercing crystal blue stared back, and at last, the dam began to crack.

“I…what do you want me to say?” Tears pooled at the corner of Caitlyn’s eyes. “That you’re everything I never knew I wanted, that barely a minute passes that my thoughts aren’t consumed with you?” Her voice wavered. “That the rare times I can sleep, it’s because I’ve cried myself to exhaustion, that all I ever dream of is holding you every night, hoping to kiss you good morning…”

She swallowed, trying to control her breathing. “But every time I wake, my arms are empty, and it…I can’t…” She shook her head, and tears splashed onto Vi’s forearm. “The only thing that gets my mind off you is work. Because every time I get a moment to myself, you’re all I think about. Every time I close my eyes, every time I remember your scent, your warmth, your touch…it’s like I can’t breathe when you’re not around.” She wiped at her eyes. “And though you always come back, it's…it never feels like enough.”

“Cupcake…” Vi cradled Caitlyn’s face in her hands. Caitlyn placed her own over them, squeezing tight.

“You know I’d never, ever tell you to abandon your sister,” Caitlyn whispered. “I’d never hold you down against your will. I know what it’s like to feel trapped, I can’t…I couldn’t ever do that to you.” She turned her head, nuzzling Vi’s palm. “But…sometimes I can’t stop myself wanting more. Wanting a future. With you.” Her eyes closed, her tears falling freely. “I know it’s selfish, but I…”

Vi didn’t let Caitlyn finish. She captured her lips with hers, sealing them in a kiss. Caitlyn froze, but the shock swiftly wore off. Her hands entangled around Vi’s neck, pulling her on top of her. Vi moaned, losing herself in Caitlyn. Her heat, her taste, the electric ripples that ran down her spine when Caitlyn lifted her shirt and skimmed bare skin. She’d fallen into the oasis and never wanted to resurface.

She straddled Caitlyn’s hips, fingers grazing every part of her exposed neck and shoulders. Caitlyn paid her back in kind, lightly drawing her nails across Vi’s tattoos. Vi sighed into Caitlyn’s lips, the hearth within spreading like wildfire. This was no phantom dream. The sweet touches, longing whimpers, every sight and sound and scent…all so devastatingly real.

She couldn’t tear herself away again.

Eventually Caitlyn broke their kiss. Catching her breath, she caught Vi’s wrist, pulling her hand above her heart. Vi felt the rumble against her palm, matching her own flustered pulse.

“I want you to stay, Vi.” Caitlyn curled her fingers around Vi’s, pressing their brows together. “I love you.”

Her words were like summer thunder, hitting Vi in the centre of her chest. A radiant smile broke over her face, and she drew Caitlyn into another, softer kiss. As they parted, the strap of Caitlyn’s camisole fell off her shoulder. Vi traced a fingertip along her collarbone, bringing her lips against her ear.

“I love you too, Cupcake.” She glided a hand through Caitlyn’s hair. Caitlyn closed her eyes, snuggling against Vi’s shoulder. Vi paused, her thoughts suddenly a whirlwind. All the conflicting desires that played on her mind had been thrown into the air, and now there was no place to hide. For too long she’d pretended this was how things had to be, that there was no other way.

But after Caitlyn’s confession, she had to face her true feelings, as well.

“You know,” Vi began, “I never stop thinking of you, either. Sometimes, it’s the only thing that gets me through.” She let out a slow breath, curling her arms around Caitlyn’s waist. “I’m so sorry it’s been hurting you all this time, but maybe I’ve needed this long to finally get the message.” Her eyes narrowed, recalling the barren warehouse. The abandoned factory. The empty cannery. The myriad other places where the ghost of her past lingered just out of reach. “Jinx…she knows me too well. Every trail she sets, I chase after it like a rabid dog. When all along, she’s been the one pulling my leash.”

She twirled a strand of Caitlyn’s hair in her finger.

“Stillwater stole so many years from me, Cait. Years of those same silent walls, not knowing whether it was day or night, let alone what month or year. I lost all sense of time, and I…I got stranded in the past. When you busted me out, I didn’t recognise anything, even in the Lanes. The world changed without me, and it was…I didn’t know how to wrap my head around it.”

Vi felt Caitlyn’s embrace tighten, and she held her close.

“The only constant I had was my sister,” Vi went on, “and when I finally found her again, she’d changed, too.” She fell quiet, the demons of the past washing over her. The years she’d spent convincing herself Silco had poisoned Powder, only to find it had seeped in of its own accord. “Yet even after all that’s happened, all that’s been said, when she looked me in the eye and told me she didn’t need me anymore, I…I couldn’t let her go.” She bit her lip, a tremor rippling down her arm. “Those memories were all I had. I couldn’t just…throw them away.”

Caitlyn kissed Vi’s shoulder. Vi swallowed, regaining her resolve.

“They’ll always be important to me,” she said, “but I think…I’m starting to see that maybe now, they’re doing more harm than good. I can’t keep letting them control me. If I keep spinning in Jinx’s wheel, it’s no different to being stuck in prison all over again.”

She ran her thumb over Caitlyn’s cheek, looking deep into her eyes, unflinching.

“I don’t want to be chained to the past anymore, Cupcake. Not when it’s robbing me of the most precious thing I’ve ever had in my life.” She placed a tender kiss over Caitlyn’s forehead. “I want a future with you, too.” She linked their hands together. “So I’ll stay. For good this time.”

Caitlyn’s eyes glistened with tears.

“You mean it?” she rasped.

Smiling, Vi took Caitlyn’s hand, making a gesture over her chest. “Cross my heart.”

The words barely escaped her when Caitlyn locked her into a kiss. This was more passionate, desperate, and Vi let herself fall hard and fast. She parted Caitlyn’s lips, teasing her tongue with her own, before nipping at her lower lip. Caitlyn purred, scritching at Vi’s scalp, ravenous for as much as Vi would give. Vi tangled her hand in Caitlyn’s hair, drowning in the scent of wildflowers. Her chest burned for air, savouring every caress and shared breath. Not to hold onto for cold nights, but because at long last, she could revel in the moment, and all the moments to come.

It was time to let go of the past, and seize the future.

Caitlyn pressed her palms against Vi’s chest, pleading. They parted, panting, and Caitlyn’s hands roved under Vi’s shirt. Her touch was feather-light, and Vi shivered.

“You’re so warm,” Caitlyn breathed against Vi’s lips. Her cheeks blazed, her eyes radiant with desire. Her fingertips strayed, lazily trailing across Vi’s hip.

Vi flashed a sly smile.

“You’re supposed to be resting, Cupcake.” She playfully nipped Caitlyn’s earlobe.

“I’m not that tired now,” Caitlyn pouted. She pulled at the hem of Vi’s shirt. “Please?”

Her breathy tone made Vi’s heart ripple. She couldn’t possibly refuse.

In a single motion, Vi twisted and threw off her shirt, delighting in the hungry look in Caitlyn’s eyes as she took in every inch of her.

“Alright.” Vi kissed the corner of her mouth, slipping the ties on Caitlyn’s camisole loose. “I’ll go easy on you.”

Caitlyn’s eyes sparkled. Immediately she shrugged off her top, where it joined Vi’s shirt on the floor. The heat of Caitlyn against her sent a thrill through Vi. She caught Caitlyn’s breast in her palm, lightly kneading, her lips painting a trail down Caitlyn’s neck. Crackles of excitement coursed through her, every touch, every stroke feeding the hearth that had been stoked to an inferno. Caitlyn’s supple skin, the perfect ridges of her collarbones, her tantalizingly sweet taste and warmth and softness…it was dizzying, a high no drug could ever measure against.

And Vi couldn’t get enough.

Caitlyn gasped, drawing her own patterns over Vi’s back. Her touches sent pleasurable tingles across Vi, almost enough to make her lips falter. In answer, Vi pulsed her tongue at the hollow of Caitlyn’s throat.

Caitlyn arched into Vi, burying her hand in Vi’s hair and pulling her onto the bed. Vi took her time, savouring the little moans that escaped Caitlyn’s lips, her hands sweeping and cupping Caitlyn’s breasts. It was like sipping at a holy fountain, its nectar so powerful as to banish those weeks of isolation into nothing. All that mattered was Caitlyn’s scent on Vi’s skin, her taste on her tongue, the want and need coiled inseparably in her stomach, begging for release.

Caitlyn tugged at the strands of hair on Vi’s neck, urging her to move on. Vi obliged, kissing over her chest, finally taking Caitlyn’s nipple in her mouth. The flesh rapidly grew taut, and the fire inside burned brighter. Caitlyn was always so responsive.

Vi’s tongue dipped under her breast, then across her breastbone, lapping at the hollow of her collarbone. Caitlyn moaned in approval, canting her hips against Vi’s. Vi bit her lip, a surge of desire shooting straight between her legs. She blinked, managing to regain control, and ran a finger down the creases of Caitlyn’s abdomen. Drawing a slow circle around her navel, before stopping just above the waistband of her shorts.

“Oh Vi…” Caitlyn’s belly muscles tensed, and Vi ran her lips to Caitlyn’s other breast. She let her fingers sketch spirals over Caitlyn’s side, raking her nails along her hip bones, before slipping her shorts down. She’d only gotten as far as her knees when Caitlyn grabbed her wrist, pulling her hand where she wanted it most. Vi’s heartbeat quickened. Judging from the slick heat, she really, really wanted it.

“You’re incredible,” Vi murmured against Caitlyn’s chest. She licked along the cords of muscle on Caitlyn’s neck, stealing a teasing glance across her folds with her hand. Caitlyn whined, and then Vi glided her fingers inside her.

Caitlyn caught her breath sharply. Vi held still for a moment, letting Caitlyn adjust to the feel of her. It had been so long since they’d been intimate like this, yet it was all coming back to her. All those nights learning each other, teasing and testing and tasting; she’d etched it to memory, and it was paying off.

She grazed Caitlyn’s clit with the pad of her thumb, eliciting a throaty growl. It was honey to Vi’s ears, and soon matched the tempo of her strokes. She brushed in a gentle but firm motion, adding incremental pressure with each revolution. Caitlyn gasped, clinging tighter, and when Vi moved to figure-eight patterns, she couldn’t hold back her cry.

“One of your favourites, isn’t it?” Vi murmured.

Caitlyn couldn’t gather enough breath to speak, but her keening moans were answer enough.

They fell into another kiss. Vi shuffled on top of Caitlyn, straddling her once more, her fingers still lathed inside. Backing her hips behind her hand, Vi started a slow, steady pulse. Caitlyn arched her head into her pillow, breathing faster. Her face was completely flush, sweat glistening off her forehead and neck. She tilted her hips, rocking against Vi’s movements, her arms locked around Vi’s shoulders.

“Mmmm…Vi…” Caitlyn screwed her eyes shut, barely able to choke out her name. “Don’t…stop…”

Vi drove her fingers deeper, faster, following Caitlyn’s internal rhythm. She adored seeing Caitlyn like this, lost to the throes of ecstasy. Her breaths began to stutter, and Vi knew she was close. With a devilish grin she started to twist her fingers on every entry, a motion Caitlyn could never last long against. Caitlyn bit her lip, and then the last of her resistance crumbled.

With a final thrust, she came undone. Vi snared her lips with her own, catching her drawn-out moan and easing her through her climax. Caitlyn tensed her thighs around Vi’s hand, savouring the aftershocks.

At last, her hips relaxed, and she crumpled to the bed. Vi curled around her, withdrawing her fingers. Caitlyn nuzzled into her neck, breathless, eyes still closed.

“Thank…you,” she whispered. She reached clumsily towards Vi’s trousers, but Vi took her wrist.

“It’s okay, Cupcake.” She kissed her forehead. “You need to sleep. You can have your way with me when you wake up again.”

Caitlyn answered with a sleepy half-purr, already drifting into a doze. Vi chuckled, cuddling close.

“Don’t worry,” Vi breathed. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Not now.

Not ever.