Chapter Text
What.
Frostleaf sat up sharply in bed. The dream she had just awoken from was vivid in her mind. She rubbed her eyes and attempted to wrap her head around what she had just seen.
Why was I… making out with Cutter? And why were we naked?
A blush spread across her face as the implications of that situation sunk in.
Oh my god I just had a sex dream, didn’t I? But why with Cutter? We’ve worked together a few times, and she’s… cute, I suppose. But I’ve never thought about her like that before! Or any girl, for that matter.
Frostleaf mulled over the facts as she got dressed. She had never really had the time to think about romance when she was younger, and she hadn’t gotten around to it since arriving at Rhodes. Perhaps it was all that time she spent sitting in corners listening to music instead of talking to people.
Well, I suppose if I can’t figure it out on my own, there’s one person I can rely on. She put the finishing touches on her outfit, smoothed down her hair, and stepped out into the hall. It was still early and the only others in the hall were the last of the night crew finishing up before the shift change. She donned her headphones and shuffled a general-use playlist. Just because I wanna talk to Meteorite doesn’t mean I wanna talk to anybody else.
A few minutes later, she was in front of Meteorite’s dorm. She knocked quietly and then stopped to consider if Meteorite was even awake this early. She cringed slightly as she heard the muffled sound of the Sarkaz woman fumbling around quickly. A disheveled and hastily dressed Meteorite opened the door, looking rather displeased. Her expression softened slightly upon seeing it was Frostleaf, though she still seemed upset.
“Frostleaf? It’s like 5:00 am, why are you here?” she asked.
The Vulpo looked down at her feet. “Well, I wanted to talk to you about something, but I didn’t realize how early it was until I was already here. Sorry…”
Meteorite sighed. “Well, I know you only come to me like this when it’s important, and I’m already awake, so you might as well come in.” She turned and walked into the room and Frostleaf followed.
Meteorite’s room was far nicer than Frostleaf’s; it was more like a small apartment than a dorm. The Sarkaz gestured to a stool at the small bar/counter combo.
“Coffee?” She asked.
Frostleaf shook her head. “Not my thing, remember? If you have tea, though, I’ll have some.”
Meteorite chuckled. “Now we’re getting into what I hate.”
“‘S fine then,” Frostleaf mumbled.
Meteorite finished making her coffee and sat on the stool next to Frostleaf. “So, what’s so important that you had to wake me up to ask me about it?”
Frostleaf blushed at the answer she’d have to give. I really didn’t think this through. Might as well rip the band-aid off, I guess.
“So, you know Cutter?” she asked.
Meteorite thought for a second, “We’ve been deployed together a few times and chatted a bit, but not much beyond that.”
“I had a sex dream about Cutter. A-and I don’t know what that means.”
The room was silent for several moments.
“What?”
“See, that’s what I said too, like, I don’t even know Cutter that well, but like, does this mean I’m into her? I’ve never even thought about love or who I’m attracted to…” Frostleaf blurted out.
“Them,” Meteorite corrected.
“Huh?”
“Cutter uses they/them pronouns,” the Sarkaz clarified.
“Exactly! That’s how little we know each other, if we were close I’d have known that. So why were they in my dream and why were we naked?” Frostleaf was getting more than a little flustered, but she couldn’t stop her mouth from running.
“Frostleaf, sweetie, I really don’t need the details of that dream of yours,” Meteorite said. “As for dealing with this, try something out for me. Imagine doing romantic things with them, and then try doing the same thing for someone else, like maybe me, and see how you feel.”
Frostleaf was about to speak up when her phone vibrated in the telltale pattern that only mission assignment messages produced. She pulled it out and stared at the notification on her screen.
“What is it?” asked Meteorite.
“I’m getting deployed. With Cutter.”
The Sarkaz smiled and patted her on the back. “Good luck!”
I’m gonna need more than luck here, I need a miracle.
Frostleaf clutched her halberd tightly. The scrambled mess of emotions filling her was causing her control over her Arts to slip, and frost was slowly spreading across the blued steel haft. She was trying as hard as possible to not think about the Vulpo sitting next to her, idly sheathing and unsheathing one of their swords.
It wasn’t bad enough that we had to be on the same mission, we just had to be paired up too.
“H-hey,” she mumbled. However, Cutter didn’t seem to hear it over the sound of the helicopter’s rotors. They simply continued to check their gear for the upcoming mission.
It had taken Frostleaf several minutes to work up the courage to attempt that, and it would take her even longer to speak enough to actually be heard. She didn’t get the chance, however, as a sudden drop in altitude told her they had reached their destination. The doors opened and she was whisked out with the crowd as the small team disembarked and ran for their positions. Without a word, Cutter sprinted for the side street they were supposed to guard, and Frostleaf had no choice but to follow.
Frostleaf's ear twitched. I really don’t wanna be here, for so many reasons.
The street was quiet. She could hear the sounds of combat from the other members of the squad. However, with the exception of a few infected hounds, not a soul seemed interested in the path they were guarding. Frostleaf found herself sitting on the roof of an abandoned car, while Cutter leaned against it. She was about to pull up her headphones and start listening to something when Cutter finally spoke.
“Y’know, you’re making the car really cold.”
Frostleaf looked down. A circular patch of ice had formed on the metal with her at the center.
“Ahh, I-I’m sorry, my Arts act up like this when I’m stressed,” she mumbled.
“Nothing’s going on, though. What’re you stressed about?” Cutter asked.
Please don’t ask that, Cutter. You really don’t wanna know. “Eh, it’s nothing important. I’m just being silly.”
“You sure? You’re pretty red,” Cutter pointed out.
Frostleaf touched her face. She somehow managed a blush despite her chilled state. Guess I’m not explaining my way out of this one .
“There’s… there’s this girl who I-I think I might like, but I’m not sure, cause I’ve never had the time to think about that kinda thing,” she said, staring intently at the floor.
Cutter hummed, “Not really my area of expertise.” She was silent for a few moments, and then followed up with, ”You’re talking about Meteorite, right?”
Frostleaf sputtered and nearly fell off the car. “W-what makes you think that? Meteorite’s n-nice, but it’s not h-her.”
The other Vulpo nodded. “Just a guess. She’s kinda the only one I’ve ever seen you talk to. Can’t really help ya either way. Never really needed love, I’ve been too busy fighting.”
Does that mean they won’t wanna date me? Frostleaf’s mind froze briefly at the fact that she cared. She didn’t have time to consider that any further, as a band of grunts ran out from a few nearby alleys. The two Vulpos instantly took up fighting stances. Cutter took point, their swords at the ready. Frostleaf felt the instinct flood her body, the memory of countless battles both exhausting and painful, yet comforting. She let her Arts flow freely into her halberd and swept it wide. A blade of frigid air lept from the weapon and cleaved off one of the grunt’s arms, followed by a second slash that put them out of their misery. Another grunt rushed past Cutter, who was occupied with several other enemies. They seemed to have confidence in their swordsmanship, but if history had taught Frostleaf anything, it was that no amount of swordsmanship could outmatch a long stick with a sharp point. Before they could even get to her, they found a spear point buried in their chest.
She shoved the body away and dashed forwards. She was certain Cutter was overwhelmed. The other Vulpo had disappeared in a sea of cloth and metal. Motes of panic flitted about in her heart. She began to charge her Arts once again, but a blinding red light suddenly flashed from the center of the brawl. In an instant the grunts surrounding Cutter were cleaved in half, their bisected corpses collapsing to the floor. Cutter herself collapsed to one knee; the use of Arts had clearly drained her somewhat. Seeing this, the remaining enemies turned tail and left the way they had come.
Two more. Two more drops of blood on my hands that will never wash off. Frostleaf stumbled and slumped against the curb. Her breathing was ragged and her vision tunneled onto the growing pools of blood. Her ears were plastered back against her head. She screwed her eyes tight and began to repeat all those excuses her therapist said might help. They were the aggressors, Reunion is unjust, Rhodes Island is doing this for a good cause, their deaths were an unavoidable tragedy. All bullshit, of course, but she was able to believe them just long enough to steady herself.
She opened her eyes to see Cutter standing before her, a worried look on their face.
“You good?” they asked.
Frostleaf stood and dusted herself off. “Y-yeah, I’ll be fine. I just… I had hoped to put the mercenary life behind me, y’know? They even let me just hang out and relax at first, but I guess I’m just too good at this to be allowed to stop.”
Cutter didn’t respond, but they did put an arm around Frostleaf’s shoulder. She initially jumped at the contact but settled into it.
“You seem to be handling it so much better than me,” Frostleaf said. “I guess I’ve gone soft or something…I wasn’t like this years ago.”
Cutter shrugged. “Not like that’s a bad thing. In a less fucked world neither of us would have to do this.” Quietly, she added, “and I promise, I don’t handle it well either.”
“Really?” Frostleaf asked. She looked up to see a moment of conflict on Cutter’s face.
The other Vulpo hesitated, but eventually spoke up, “Promise not to tell anyone?”
“Whatever it is, yeah the secret is safe.”
Cutter nodded. She pulled back from the hug, her absence making Frostleaf feel colder than usual. The other Vulpo dropped their left shoulder and slipped their arm from their jacket sleeve. Dozens of thin parallel scars covered nearly every inch of skin. The ones near their wrist looked old and faded, but those near their shoulder seemed more recent. The flesh by the inside of their elbow held five fresh crimson lines. Frostleaf looked at the pile of what once were Terrans and counted the same number of bodies.
“Every one?” she asked.
“Every one,” they responded.
Frostleaf was quiet for a while. The only sound was the rustling of fabric as Cutter put their jacket back on. Frostleaf rummaged in her own oversized coat and withdrew a small notebook and pen. She flipped through pages of half-formed song lyrics to the next empty page and began to scribble something on it.
“Thanks for like, trusting me and stuff. H-here, if you want…” she tore off the sheet and held it out, “My number. If you wanna like, chat about music or something.”
A smile graced Cutter’s face, “Thanks.” They tucked the paper into one of their pockets. “Seems things are just about done, wanna head back to the main group?”
Frostleaf nodded, and the two began the trek back to the evac point. Neither spoke, which gave Frostleaf plenty of time to think, and to notice how her heart was still beating quickly and the blush from earlier had quietly made its return.
I don’t think I can avoid it any longer. I like Cutter. But they might not like me back or even like anyone at all. But they trusted me enough to show me that, and they took my number, so I’ve still got hope, right?
She had planned to chat more with Cutter on the flight back, but they fell asleep right after takeoff. Frostleaf’s heart fluttered wildly when the tilting of the helicopter shifted the other Vulpo in their sleep, causing them to lean against her shoulder. If I wasn’t sure before, I am now.
They parted ways after returning to Rhodes. Neither had a reason to go to medical and their dorms were on separate floors. Frostleaf secretly wished to hang out longer, but both of them were too tired to do much regardless. She barely managed to drag herself in and out of the shower. She silently thanked the management of Rhodes; her extended contract didn’t offer as nice a room as Meteorite’s, but it did allow her an attached shower, which saved her from the grueling task of getting dressed. She collapsed into a nest of blankets and pillows and grabbed her phone from the nightstand. She wasn’t quite ready to sleep yet, so she browsed about the internet to fill the time before sleep took her.
Frostleaf sat up in bed. She wasn’t alone, however. Meteorite sat on the edge of the bed. The Sarkaz looked back at her and grinned. In one elegant motion, she removed her sweater, leaving her ample chest on display in a lacy blood-red brassiere. She crawled forwards and came to a stop, straddling Frostleaf’s lap. A heat bloomed rapidly between the Vulpo’s legs, warming her Arts-chilled body. The older woman leaned forwards and whispered into her ear.
“How do you want me?”
She blinked.
And woke up alone in bed, her phone still in her hand, and a damp feeling in her crotch.
Not again.