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Cookie isn't a magician, but that's how King-Lu makes him feel.
Magic spun from flour and honey.
Something more than the sum of his parts.
King-Lu should be the magician - of the two of them.
Ancient Chinese Secret.
King-Lu has seen and done so many things, is so much more traveled and experienced than Cookie himself.
At the beginning - when they first move in together, not when they've met - Cookie worries at the offer. Is the man simply trying to pay him back in kind for his help? Will Cookie be taking advantage by accepting his offer? He thinks of his flimsy tent, doesn't want to say no.
He worries at it and sees that King-Lu sees him worrying at it. The choice is made for him though when King-Lu's eyes shutter in something like understanding, like Cookie thinks he's just some - some Chinese - Cookie doesn't think that.
"It won't be....trouble?" Cookie asks.
He sees the moment King-Lu relaxes, barks a laugh in surprised delight.
"No trouble."
His voice is soft and smooth, it slithers down Cookie's spine and he has to swallow heavily to regain his composure.
Later that evening King-Lu helps him gather his things. When they return it's dark, Cookie makes to set up his tent but King-Lu stops him with a hand to his arm.
Cookie sleeps on the floor.
King-Lu is generous. He shares what little he has. Always he gives the impression that he is a man who needs nothing. Which is good because Cookie has little to offer - he can only offer up himself. He cooks, he cleans, tries to be of use when King-Lu lets him. So often King-Lu is thwarting Cookie's attempts, is aiding him in the chores and forcibly taking over whatever load Cookie is carrying. The only time King-Lu leaves him undisturbed is when he cooks.
Cookie hopes he likes it though King-Lu never comments.
"Is...is this anything like what they ate in Canton?" Cookie asks one night.
Sometimes King-Lu will reminisce, but always briefly.
King-Lu's focus seems more intent in the dim candle light, his eyes are gentle and fond when they settle on him. Cookie's heart thumps.
"Noodles." King-Lu begins, "Thin as needles and long as shoestrings. Strong broth. Sometimes sour, sometimes salty. Sometimes hot, sometimes cold."
Cookie thinks of the broad, short, fat soup noodles he's had. His mouth waters at King-Lu's description - or maybe just at the sight of King-Lu. Negative space in the color of his eyes, his hair. Like a mystery.
King-Lu is always so composed. Even naked he'd been well spoken and polite - self possessed, something Cookie can't even manage fully clothed.
"I wouldn't mind those hot noodles now," King-Lu continues, "It's cold tonight, isn't it?"
It doesn't feel any colder than usual to Cookie, but he concedes the point anyway just to be agreeable. It doesn't feel significant.
"Yes, it's really very cold." King-Lu says again, more certain.
Cookie's thinking about noodles, if he can cook the things, when King-Lu breaks through his thoughts as he's rolling his sleeping roll out.
"Sleep up here tonight."
Cookie knows he blinks dumbly, ducks his head shyly so King-Lu can't see his expression. When he finally lifts his head he can see that King-Lu's already made space for him on the small cot. The impossibly small cot.
Cookie could say no. King-Lu doesn't seem to have any expectation one way or the other, he stirs in boredom. Cookie doesn't want to say no is the thing. So he doesn't.
And it's true, it's warmer off the ground.
King-Lu's body heat is another matter.
More often than not Cookie wakes first. Always they are plastered together, Cookie's back to King-Lu's front, his arm tightly banded across Cookie's waist.
Cookie wants -
Cookie wants.
He knows what they say about those people.
Sometimes Cookie wakes up hard and squirming, but never King-Lu.
It's only Cookie's good fortune that King-Lu hasn't caught him yet.
Stealing the milk is damning. That's not who Cookie is - he doesn't - but he does, doesn't he? For King-Lu he does.
The cow is a sweet creature. It almost doesn't feel wrong because how can one man own something so alive? Something so singular and beautiful? The cow, she belongs only to herself. That's what Cookie feels in his heart.
The look King-Lu gives him after taking his first bite of the first batch of oily cakes only deepens the conviction that Cookie has done nothing wrong.
Would King-Lu look just as impressed if Cookie made Canton noodles? Cookie finds he's too much of a chicken to find out, he probably doesn't have the skill. And...and it might tell King-Lu too much.
It really does start to get cold as the season progresses. King-Lu takes to bundling them up at bedtime, draping an extra blanket over them and tucking it under Cookie.
If Cookie's ears turn red it's no one's business but his own.
"are you warm?" King-Lu asks, breath fanning Cookie's ear.
Cookie nods.
There's one dangerous night where Cookie starts getting ideas.
He goes out for a couple more blueberries before it's too dark to see. He's never usually out at that hour.
King-Lu always is.
King-Lu always disappears about half an hour before bed time and Cookie's always just assumed it's so that they can each get ready in peace. Cookie's never given a second thought to what King-Lu does with his thirty minutes. Of course Cookie has never followed him. He didn't mean to follow him.
There are - sounds, in the woods. Slick skin on skin sounds. It's - well, it's obvious what it is. And who it is. Now that Cookie is aware he can see the faint silhouette of King-Lu through the trees. Can see the outline of him, make out hazy details. He's only about six feet away.
Cookie's usually so graceless he'd never be able to sneak up on anyone. And of course because he tries to sneak away quietly his luck doesn't hold.
"Cookie."
His name, spoken with such a breathless tone, instantly makes him go hard. Something like a whine escapes him. When he turns back King-Lu is looking at him, panting still. Their eyes meet and King-Lu cums over his fist.
King-Lu comes through the door a scant few moments after Cookie, which rattles him. He'd thought he'd have some time to compose himself. His pants are still constricted, he's sure his cheeks are pink in a way that even his beard can't hide.
King-Lu looks as normal as he ever does, unbothered, like Cookie hasn't just found him...doing that. He acts like it hasn't happened, like Cookie's face isn't burning up.
No, King-Lu toes off his boots and tosses his vest aside before crossing the room.
King-Lu settles into bed, lifts the covers for Cookie to get inside with some degree of expectation. So of course Cookie does.
Cookie fumbles into bed, feels dumb, feels like he wants to cover himself with his hands so King-Lu doesn't notice the bulge at the front of his trousers. Cookie hasn't even taken off his coat he's so rattled. King-Lu tugs at the back of it.
"Did you want this on?" He asks.
Cookie hurriedly shrugs it off, embarrassed. The cloth between them feels thinner than usual.
King-Lu sighs heavy and content into the back of Cookie's neck, pulls Cookie flush against him with an arm around the waist.
Cookie doesn't sleep for hours, afraid to move and be exposed.
Cookie decides to be brave, to tell King-Lu that he - that he wants - that he loves -
Cookie loves King-Lu.
Everything about him. And if he's just brave enough maybe -
Cookie imagines King-Lu saying his name again, not just because he's interrupted him.
Cookie pictures being swept into King-Lu's arms, kissed like a woman.
And other things, like a woman.
The thing that stops Cookie from confessing are the words that fall from King-Lu's mouth when he's unguarded.
"What kind of woman is he?" He spits with real condescension.
It's an insult.
Cookie can feel his own expression, how he can't hide the way he immediately disapproves of the comment on it's own merit. Luckily he's able to hide the way it pierces his heart. He feels uncannily like he's just been exposed to the quick.
King-Lu maybe reads his expression, looks a little downtrodden like a bad dog before he doubles down on his rebuke. Like he's trying to prove it's justified. Cookie is barely listening, blood is rushing through his ears.
And of course - of course Cookie doesn't care about fashion, like a woman. He likes new boots, pretty boots but he doesn't - no, even if Cookie likes sweet things, dainty treats it's not - even if Cookie put flowers - why oh why did Cookie have to add the flowers - King-Lu can't be thinking that Cookie is -
Because it's obvious King-Lu would be just as disgusted with Cookie as he is now. Just as disdainful.
What kind of woman is he?
Cookie's been asked what kind of man he is. Cookie's been down talked to and rough housed, boxed around the ears. He knows he's not enough but -
Cookie is quietly panicking.
How close he'd come to not only revealing himself but laying himself bare for King-Lu. When it's apparent, quite apparent, that it would not be welcome.
He keenly feels his own stupidity. His face heats at the extrapolated rejection.
Perhaps King-Lu would like a real woman. Someone to care for him, to cook and clean for him. Someone to make a home for him. Someone gentle and sweet.
Not Cookie. Big and rough and he'd wanted to feel delicate. How stupid.
It's nearly perverse in its impossibility and Cookie suddenly feels like he is too small for his skin.
Something like humiliation and self hatred crawl up his spine.
He focuses on the fact that he never said anything, at the very least. That his face gives away nothing. This, he knows from experience.
For the first time in a while Cookie thinks like a man. He'd always hated the expression, 'drain the pipes' but if he wants to be discreet...
He can't control himself when he's sleeping and that King-Lu has never woken to find him in that state is nothing short of a miracle. So he takes a page from King-Lu's book.
When King-Lu goes out before bedtime Cookie quickly curls up on the bed. He knows he has to be quick so that by the time King-Lu comes back he isn't flushed.
He sticks a hand down his pants, turns his face into the blanket, bites into it without thought.
His eyes are scrunched shut, he pulls the buttons on his pants open, moans hitchingly.
It's more like a series of soft mewls as his hips stutter.
He knows he shouldn't be doing this in this place but he can't do it outside...
The door opens.
Cookie nearly falls off the bed righting himself, already tears are forming. He clamps down on them tightly. He doesn't know how he's going to explain himself.
King-Lu, his friend, is struck dumb by the sight he makes.
Not his friend anymore Cookie guesses.
Cookie's stomach drops, then his heart. He wonders why he is always so very stupid. He's afraid to move.
King-Lu's eyes roam from Cookie's face downward. Cookie sees him swallow hard.
"I forgot my coat." King-Lu explains airily.
Then King-Lu is coming across the room slowly, like he's trying not to startle Cookie. He stops in front of Cookie and Cookie finds he can't look at him. From the corner of his eye he sees King-Lu's hand drop to the bed, the impression of teeth, dampness from Cookie's mouth. Cookie's vision blurs with tears as he realizes it's King-Lu's pillow.
"Cookie." King-Lu says in that same deep voice from the woods before he notices Cookie's tears.
Cookie wipes ineffectually at his eyes, makes a sound at the back of his throat.
"Sorry." Cookie says, "sorry."
King-Lu is quiet for a moment before he crouches until he's eye level with Cookie.
A hand palms at Cookie's face.
"Don't cry Cookie."
That makes Cookie burst into tears. He doesn't know why, that particular habit had been purged from him long ago. He still finds that he can't stop when King-Lu's arms come to encircle him. He leans on him, gets King-Lu's shirt wet.
"I'm..." King-Lu begins quietly, voice pained, "I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I didn't mean...I didn't mean you. No, not you. Never you. Don't cry Cookie."
They stay like that for a little while, Cookie crying while King-Lu whispers sweet nothings at him like 'you're perfect' and 'that's my Cookie' and rubs firm circles into his back. When Cookie is finished crying he realizes with some embarrassment his pants are still open. He gasps softly and brings his hands to button up but King-Lu's intercept, still them.
"Don't be hasty." King-Lu says, a little breathless before apparently thinking better of it, "I mean...if you want."
"W-well what do you want?" Cookie says, eyes locked earnestly on King-Lu's. He's probably a mess.
"Ah, I think you know." the smile is faint, sardonic. Any scorn is all for King-Lu's self.
King-Lu's expression is torturous and Cookie comes to the slow realization that King-Lu is waiting on his answer.
"Oh." Cookie yelps quietly.
King-Lu's expression changes at that, becomes more dire like he thinks he is being rejected. But King-Lu doesn't leave, Cookie realizes with some awe that he can't, not without a full rejection. King-Lu can't make himself leave until all hope is dead. It makes Cookie dizzy to think of how desired he is.
"I love you." Cookie says, sudden, then more firmly, "I love you."
He keeps saying it, as King-Lu pulls him close and kisses him, as King-Lu pulls him gently out of his clothes. King-Lu touches him there and it's too much stimulation for Cookie to handle and he - King-Lu's expression is dark as he watches. When Cookie is done trembling he realizes they aren't done.
Cookie anticipates as much as he fears. It feels sudden, yet not.
"You...you can - " Cookie bites off shyly, lets his knees fall open a fraction.
"Can I?" King-Lu asks with a groan, a hint of amusement. Looks at Cookie like he's just hung the moon.
He pries Cookie's knees apart gently, tips Cookie back. Cookie is embarrassed as King-Lu looks, no one has ever - but he doesn't think about it long as King-Lu's thumb brushes over his entrance. As he slicks a finger in Cookie's spend and presses it in to the first knuckle. Always King-Lu is watching Cookie's face for any sign of hesitation.
His fingers are slim and expert. It doesn't hurt at all. Cookie bites his hand to keep his noises in but King-Lu only seems to take that as a challenge to make Cookie whine louder. Cookie really can't help it. He gets hard again. King-Lu's fingers are deep inside, stretching, pressing.
"I need to be inside you now." King-Lu eventually says, his voice gravel. Cookie doesn't know how he's controlled himself this whole time.
He lines himself up between Cookie's legs, pushes the head of his...into Cookie's...
Cookie's whole body is overheated, feverish pink. He flexes and clenches around the intrusion. King-Lu is groaning in time with his unsteady thrusts. He looks beautiful, like this. But King-Lu is always beautiful.
Cookie is making him feel good. It's that thought that pushes him over the edge and makes him cum. King-Lu stills to ride the aftershocks, the way Cookie's body grips him and throbs. King-Lu pants into his hair.
"So good Cookie." He praises.
His thrusts are harder then, a touch less careful. Cookie whines high in his throat and King-Lu comes shortly after. He pants over him before leaning down to kiss him. Already Cookie can feel King-Lu's spend leaking out of him.
Cookie knows how he should be feeling.
Not how he actually feels - happy, peaceful, content. Like nothing matters because King-Lu is before him and King-Lu is his.
Already King-Lu is looking down at him and making some noise of arousal deep in his throat.
"They'll survive one day without their cakes." King-Lu says with intent, his hands rubbing their way back up Cookie's thighs.